Encouragement for Mothers and Others, Part 1

For several decades, the traditional family structure has been under attack.

Roles that are clearly defined in the Bible have been deemed by some as archaic, but there's one role due to biology alone that will never change. Today on Insight for Living, Chuck Swindoll presents a message originally delivered on Mother's Day to those in our audience who often carry a heavy burden on behalf of those they love. In this brand new series on the family, Chuck begins by celebrating the matriarch in your family.

Chuck titled today's message, Encouragement for Mothers and Others. We're looking together at Proverbs 31, verses 10 through 31, excerpts along the way rather than the each verse of Scripture, so please turn in your Bibles to this last chapter in this book of Proverbs. I'll be reading from the New Living Translation, verse 10 of Proverbs 31. Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She's more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her and she will greatly enrich his life. Verse 16, she goes to inspect a field and buys it. With her earnings, she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable.

Her lamp burns late into the night. Verse 20, she extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothing. Verse 25, she is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise and she gives instructions with kindness.

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her. There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all. Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise. You're listening to Insight for Living.

To dig deeper into the Bible with Chuck Swindoll, be sure to download his Searching the Scriptures studies by going to insight.org slash studies. And now we resume the message from Chuck titled, Encouragement for Mothers and Others. I have one word for all you mothers who are hearing me right now. Relax. You read over this passage of Scripture and you go, oh no, no, another sermon like that.

I mean, how often have you wormed your way out of a worship service feeling guilty and ashamed and hoping no one asked, well, what did you think about the sermon? And you have to admit, I never felt so overwhelmed. I want you to relax, okay? I'm not gonna say you're gonna get off scot-free, but I'm not gonna beat up on you, certainly not.

How could I? Why, why would I? I've determined not to discourage one person here today. I don't believe the Scriptures discourage us. They may tell us the truth, certainly they will do that. They will often point out areas where we need improvement, and we will realize that when it comes, but I promise you that when I finish, you will not have to think of yourself as Wonder Woman, or Film Star Glamorous, or Pencil Thin, or Phi Beta Kappa Brilliant, or Super Spiritual Saint.

You will be able to leave holding your head up high knowing that God's hand is on your life and is using you and has blessed you in many ways for which you are grateful. And if you ever wonder if we men could take your place, listen to my story, okay? Cynthia had to go into surgery for something she was dealing with, and it took a couple of overnights, so I was to keep the children. They were all smaller, and she is the ultimate nutritionist when it comes to food and healthy meals, and as I recall, she laid out some plans for what they might eat, and knowing that I'm not too great in the kitchen, she was very gracious.

You might want to do this or that. Well, I set that aside, and the first morning the kids said, hey dad, what do you want to do for breakfast? I said, let's go out. So I took them all to 7-Eleven, and they sell these great little white donuts in little packages. Every man here is laughing because you've done this, and so I said, take all you want. They're like, whoa. So then I got them a big giant Slurpee. By the way, they're all in their pajamas. Two of them are still barefoot, and so to eat it, since we're going to eat out, we sat on the curb, and we sat down in front of the 7-Eleven, and boy, these are great, dad. Mom's never fixed these before. I know, son.

I know. By the way, don't tell your mom about all of this. Cars drove by and looked at us sort of pathetically like, oh. And our kids would wave at them. I said, don't wave.

Don't wave at them. Just enjoy your meal. Dad, can I have some more donuts? Yep, go on in. And gave him a dollar, and he bought another stack of donuts. About 11 o'clock that day, they're still in their pajamas, so we go down to see their mom. Now, in those days, they wouldn't let children in the hospital, so we stood outside, and she's on the second floor, okay? And so we're going to, hey, hey. So she sees us, and she comes over.

She looks down, and she sees the kids in their pajamas. Is everything okay? Hey, mom. Mom, you'll never believe what we had for breakfast. White donuts and Slurpees.

It was terrific. And one of the girls said, daddy got me a Snickers as a special part of the breakfast. And mom, and Cynthia goes, honey. I go, we'll talk about it later, okay? We'll discuss it later. And to this day, the children say, dad, that is the best breakfast we ever had in our lives. All right.

And then mom got home, and we didn't have white donuts and Slurpees anymore. We don't know how to do it. We can't even act like we know how to do it. We just, you know, whatever it takes, whatever you want to sleep in, sleep in that, wherever you want to sleep, just sleep. On and on and on we go.

Then you get to Proverbs 31. Oh, man. And you think, I'm doing my very best. I think there's not a woman hearing me right now that wouldn't say that.

Well, there may be one or two, but you're certainly not in the majority. You're doing your very best. You've been doing that since you got pregnant.

You've been doing your best trying to rear your children and try not to make the mistakes your folks made. And here you make other mistakes and try not to blow it. You blow it. Try not to lose your cool. You lose your cool. And you run out of energy. You promise at the beginning of the day, you're not going to raise your voice.

And by 830 in the morning, you're all over it. And you feel ashamed. So I want to set the record straight about Proverbs 31. I got a tough job. I've got to teach this passage. And I want to do it right, but I want to do it realistically.

First of all, I would almost be willing to bet that most of you have never thought about an idea that came to me while two weeks ago I began to my work in this. This is mother in law advice. You're that guy.

He's got a mother in law. He understands. Now, this is look at the beginning of the chapter. I didn't read it. I saved it for right now.

Look at it for yourself. In the message we read the words of King Lemuel, the strong advice his mother gave him. That's in the message. That's how that begins. This is strong advice.

It sure is. And it comes from his mother, and it's to King Lemuel. Don't waste your time doing a big research on Lemuel.

You won't find him. A scholar as great as Charles Ryrie says, we know nothing of King Lemuel. So we know nothing of his mother.

Many read it and quickly assume that it's Solomon who wrote many of the proverbs. But there's no tracing of Lemuel to Solomon. The only link would be both were kings. But this is Lemuel the bachelor king. He doesn't have a wife. So his mother is writing him, let's call him Lem so that we can kind of identify with him, bring him down to our level.

She's saying to Lem, Lem you're royalty. You're already a king. Now you're seeking a wife. You don't have one. This is aim high Lem.

Aim high. And here's the list to go by. Now it's starting to make more sense.

Doesn't it? I mean this is the list your mother-in-law had for you, ladies, when your husband married you. And you could never quite measure up. My mother, I'm convinced, never met a woman that would qualify as either my brother's wife or my wife. And so that's another story. But I think if I'd have met the Virgin Mary, she wouldn't have qualified.

It just wasn't enough. So she had a standard that was way up there. Well, that's Lem's mama. She's writing him to aim high.

Think about it. Your wife's going to become the wife of a king. You have a kingdom.

You're royalty. She needs to be healthy, of course. She will become wealthy as the king's wife. She certainly needs to be sharp, wise. Look for that.

Set your goals high. There isn't a mother sitting in my presence today who would tell her son anything but that if their son was seeking a wife. You would say things like, be on the lookout when you're at school for those that stand out. Look for those who are unselfish. Pay attention when you're in social groups and watch the girls around you. Notice those that pay attention to others, those who have pretty clever comments, those who come across realistically.

They're not playing a role. They're real. You're looking for real.

By the way, what you can't see in our English version is how this is put together. Before I get there, verse 10, I want to say a few words about verses 1 through 9. Notice early on in verses 1 through 4, Lem's mother, she isn't named, but she says to him, don't look towards some wild group of women, those who are out of control. They're not going to make you a good wife. Stay away from those women. They're fast.

They're unreliable. They've probably been intimate with many men. You don't want that. Aim high. When you get down to the next couple of verses, she says, don't drink a lot of wine.

Kings don't linger over a lot of booze. When you do that, you make stupid decisions. So she's giving him advice about that. And then she says, don't forget the poor, the needy, those who don't have a voice.

You're the king. You've got to provide a voice for them. She's looking out for her son's better interest. And then she gets back to the subject after saying, these are who you don't want to look for.

Let's get into those that are going to be worth your time. Beginning at verse 10, down through verse 31, if you take the time to count the verses, you will come up with the number of letters there are in the Hebrew alphabet. This was originally written in Hebrew. And what makes this interesting is that this is an alphabetical, acrostic poem.

What does that mean? Well, when you begin at verse 10, that verse begins with the first letter in the Hebrew alphabet. Like our letter A, the Hebrew alphabet begins with aleph. The next verse, verse 11, begins with the second letter in the Hebrew alphabet, beth. They don't have a C in the Hebrew language. The third letter is gimel. So the next verse you'll see right here, verse 12 it would be, begins with gimel. And the next one begins with daleth. That's the fourth letter. And then hay and vau and zayin, heth, teth, yoth, kath, wamen, maim, nun, samik, ayim, peit, sadi, kof, reish, sin, shin, tau. All the way through the alphabet to the end.

Why? I mean that, if you're going to write a poem, it's hard enough, but to write an acrostic, it says a lot for this mother. She's giving Lem and all of us through the inspiration of the Spirit of God a little memory help.

It'll be easier to memorize 10 through 31 if you can think in terms of the alphabet. In every new verse, you begin with the next letter in the alphabet. In fact, I came across this in my study.

Listen to this quote. Tradition has it that husbands and children, notice who's left out. Moms are left out of the picture. Tradition has it that husbands and children in Jewish homes memorized these verses, then recited them at the table on Friday nights during or after the family ate their Sabbath meal together. What a great thought. If you were Jewish, you would observe the Sabbath from the sundown on Friday through the sundown on Saturday. Call today and Israel Shavat. Still observe Shavat. And at the first Shavat meal, which is Friday evening, there'd be a special time of recitation for I'm impressed the fact that husbands along with children would recite this poem as their mother sat at the table. What a great thought.

Here you are mothers sitting at the table listening to children and your husband looking at you quoting from memory these statements right from the scripture, right from the book of Proverbs. One wonders if that perdition continues to today. If you have an Orthodox Jewish friend, ask them. See if they still do that. We live next door to a Jewish family.

I think I'm going to ask the dad if they still do that. I'm interested in that. But keep the original context in mind. These are words of advice from Lem's mother knowing that he's looking for a wife and she's saying to him, I repeat, aim high. Don't settle for less than the best. And here are some of the things you want to look for.

Now I said earlier, and I'm going to repeat it, relax. No one lives up to all of these things. No one is perfect. But this is a goal to shoot for.

This is an aim you can take on life. To begin with, consider your value before God, which is easy to forget in the midst of all the things you're responsible for as a mother. Some people have the mistaken idea that if a woman is a godly woman, she's more the retiring, servile, domestic type, always domestic type woman. That doesn't sound like the woman in Proverbs 31 to me.

There's nothing retiring or servile. She's domestic, but she's far more than that. She's balanced. She's enterprising. She's competent. She's capable. She's interested in even importing goods and managing others and organizing life, planning and dealing with real estate.

Did you get that? She sees a plot of land and buys it. She even plants a vineyard and grows the vines, the grapes on the vines. She's working to provide for her needs and the needs of her family and the needs of... She's an energetic, active person, encouraging them.

There's nothing retiring about her, nor should there be about you, thinking that that will make you godly. Let's understand. Godly is a broad perspective. Fits every personality. You fit into it. So relax.

It doesn't mean you have to go to a seminary or that you have to memorize Proverbs 31, 10 through 31. You can be who you are, and you use this as a guide as you think about your role as a woman, as a mother, when the children are growing up and beyond those years. Here is a woman who is neither fragile nor fearful. She laughs at the future. She has nothing to fear. She's making arrangements for the future. She has great character. Verse 30 tells us, charm is deceptive and beauty has a shelf life.

It's temporary. You may have been beautiful when you first came to the altar 25, 30, 40, 50 years ago, but you look in the mirror and you see a woman that doesn't fit that same beauty. You don't still fit into your wedding dress. You picket yourself because you're not everything you once looked like. Stop it. You're your worst critic. Those around you who love you never ask you what you weigh.

Think about it. They always talk about the beauty of your life, meaning your character, what you represent to them. That's why Lem's mama emphasizes that. She has a fear of the Lord. That means she holds him in high esteem, but she doesn't walk around all day quoting verses of scripture. She doesn't necessarily know her Bible from front to the back. Her life is praiseworthy because she pours herself into others with a pure heart.

You can be any age, any weight, any height, any appearance, and you can fit right into that. Relax. This is about you.

She's secure also. You see that in verse 25? I know I'm skipping around, but that's the way it is in the Proverbs. You don't go from verse to verse to verse to verse.

You go from one to the other in various subjects. Look at 25. She's clothed with strength and dignity. I love the way that reads. It's the pen portrait of inner security.

She's comfortable in her own skin, we would say. We're just getting started in a brand new series from Chuck Swindoll. It's titled Restoring Your Family's Foundation, and there's much more teaching ahead in this seven-part study. If you'd like to learn more about Insight for Living, visit us online at insightworld.org. Well, perhaps you can recall the day when you first heard Chuck's Bible teaching on the family.

We often hear from grateful friends who tell us their personal stories. Well, Insight for Living is infusing biblical truth into families all across the world, and now through this brand new study from Chuck. It represents the culmination of his Bible teaching and his personal experience as a dad, a grandfather, and a great-grandfather. Bear in mind, every sermon you hear on this program is paired with online study notes. We call these resources Searching the Scriptures Studies.

To take advantage of the free online documents and dig into the Bible passages in the same way Chuck does, go to insightworld.org slash studies. Look for the new series called Restoring Your Family's Foundation. If it's a book you've been looking to read, let me recommend a classic from Chuck called Parenting from Surviving to Thriving.

This would make a fabulous gift for a young family just getting started. To purchase a copy of Chuck Swindoll's book, Parenting from Surviving to Thriving, go to insight.org slash store. Or call us. If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. You know, we couldn't provide this daily program or the resources that coincide with it without the financial support from friends like you. As God leads you to give a donation so others can hear the truth about God's design for marriage and family, we urge you to follow His prompting. If you'd like to give a donation today, call us. If you're listening in the United States, call 800-772-8888. Or you can give online at insight.org slash donate. I'm Bill Meyer. Join us next time when Chuck Swindoll continues to bring what he calls encouragement for mothers and others, right here on Insight for Living. The preceding message, Encouragement for Mothers and Others, was copyrighted in 2022 and 2023, and the sound recording was copyrighted in 2023 by Charles R. Swindoll, Inc. All rights are reserved worldwide. Duplication of copyrighted material for commercial use is strictly prohibited.