Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Thursday, August twenty-ninth. Today's podcast brings encouragement for believers who constantly battle with feelings of rejection.
Stay with us and learn to find healing for your damaged emotions. Rejection is probably the most painful of all the emotions. And the truth is all of us have been rejected either by somebody or some group or something at some point.
And so, the question is, how did you respond? And if I should ask you, well, did that rejection bother you? Do you ever think about it? No, it doesn't bother me. I never think about it much.
But let me just correct that. It does bother you. Until a person recognizes the presence of rejection in their life and discovers the source of it and deals with it, it will bother you all of your life. And so, I want us to think about some general causes.
Why do people feel rejected? Sometimes it's physical defects. For example, if I had some physical defect, it can be because of how tall you are, how short you are, how thin you are, how fat you are, what you think you look in the mirror and you think, well, who am I and why would anybody want to marry me and on and on it goes.
Sometimes it's physical defects, but sometimes they're imagined. And so, it's a powerful, powerful situation in a person's life when they can't get beyond that. Of course, one of those causes, one of the primary causes is deep emotional hurt from the past. It can be a father or a mother. It can be a child.
It can be a friend, whoever it might be. Deep hurts of the past. Sometime it's a death of a loved one. Let's say, for example, there are people when they're husband or wife passes away, somehow in their mind they take it as rejection.
Well, the person didn't want to die, but all of a sudden they're left alone. And to them, it comes across as an act of rejection. Is it God rejecting them? It doesn't make any difference what they think about it.
That's the way it figures to them. And then, of course, think about this. Divorce is one of the most painful of all experiences in life. In every single divorce, there is rejection.
Now, think about this. When two people who love each other, live to each other, become one person, and then one decides to reject the other. That's really what it is, whatever the reason may be. And so, they walk away from the marriage and the other person is left with what? Terrible, horrible, painful rejection. They may have all the money, everything else in the world they want, but the person they love said, I don't love you anymore. I don't want you anymore. You're not worth living with anymore. There's a whole array of intense rejection that goes on in a person's life that oftentimes they never get over it.
Or, they attempt to get over it by making a big mistake. Got to find somebody else who will love me. And if a person gets married on the basis, I've got to have somebody to love me, you're headed for trouble. You don't marry somebody because you want somebody to love you. That's a great part of marriage naturally. But, you take baggage into that life and one of the worst things you can take in life is rejection for this reason.
Watch this carefully. A person who's full of rejection, they've been rejected and hurt terribly. I'm not saying it's something they did, but they feel this.
Their antennas are out. And all you've got to do sometime is say the wrong thing and what happens? All this rejection that was placed there because of that experience, it just gets multiplied and divided and multiplied. And then what happens? They dump it on the other person. Well, you don't love me.
You've rejected me because listen, rejection by one person whom you deeply love so absolutely, totally overwhelms a person and penetrates every cell of their body, so to speak. It doesn't take much. And this is why you've got a person marrying this time, second time, third time, fourth time, fifth time, doing what?
Trying to find something to satisfy what only God can satisfy. Listen to this. For example, let's take childhood experiences. All of us probably, I can think about, you know, some of us think about some of my childhood experiences, but let's just think about a couple of things. Parents, let me just say this to you.
You can set your child in a wrong direction in their life very, very, very early in life. You say, oh, they forget that. Well, I can tell you several reasons why they don't. Number one, because it is the truth they don't. And I think about the effect that parents have on children and they think, well, you know what? Kids grow up, they get over these things.
No, they don't. I had a staff member, he's a real fine young man, very talented, very gifted, a good looking guy, had lots of talents, skills, abilities. And one day he came in and sat down and he said, Dr. Stanley, he said, I've been thinking about this and I want to be co-pastor with you. Well, I sort of smiled. I said, well, you want to be co-pastor? He said, yeah. I said, do you mean you want to be equal with me as far as authorities in the church and decisions we make? He said, yeah. I said, well, why do you want to do that?
And he hadn't been here but about two years. So, I kept listening. I said, well, I called his name. I said, why do you want to be co-pastor?
He said, well, I just think, you know, it's time for me to be co-pastor. I said, do you understand what that means? He said, I think I do. So, I said, let me ask you a question.
Let's talk about this. I said, so, because I was after the motive. I said, I'll tell you what I'll do.
I will just list a number of words, just words. And if I come to one that bothers you, you say, that bothers me. He said, okay.
I said, authority. He said, that bothers me. First word.
First word. So, we kept on talking and I said, well, why don't we see if we can find out what's going on? So, here's a story he told me. He was in his bedroom.
He was somewhere along, eight, nine, ten, whatever. His mother and father in the next room and they got in a fight. And they were talking. And his mother said, well, I didn't want Joe anyway. And he heard it. So, he grew up. He went to college. He went to seminary, on the staff.
So, what was he saying? I want to feel like somebody. Being an associate pastor, I don't feel like anybody. I want to be somebody. I want to be accepted. He was already accepted. We all loved him. I want to be accepted.
I want some authority. You know what he was suffering from? And I think about it, as fine as he was, ringing in his ears, we didn't want Joe anyway. When you hear we don't want you anyway from somebody like your mother, your father, or someone that you love, someone that you highly respect, you think you're going to forget that?
You can't. You can deal with it, but you can't forget it. So, when I think about what an extreme case, but it's true. Then I think about something I heard this week. This lady and I were talking. And she said something that brought this up. And I always got my ears open to why people are saying things. So, if you tell me something, remember that. So, not that I'm critical, I just think I'll learn something.
I may learn something about myself. And she kept talking about the past and so forth. And I said something about how the past lives with us. Then she said, well, I know what you're talking about. She said, my, there were four girls in this family. And she said, one of the daughters is a tall, beautiful hare, and the rest of them were just, in her mind, just girls. I don't know what she meant by that. But anyway, she realized what a beautiful gal her sister was. And they were all pretty close to the same age, not too far apart, and she said, one day my father came home and brought this beautiful red dress and gave it to my sister.
The rest of us got nothing. We didn't say anything, but I'm going to tell you how long that lasted in her life. A couple years ago, she wanted to go home to see her father. She said, fine. Before she left, she said, the reason I want to go see my dad is because I think he's dying.
I'm pretty sure he was. And she said, in all these years, my father has never told me he loved me. She says, I just want to go and be with him these last days.
And all I want to hear him say is I love you and call her name. She went to see him. She talked to him. She listened to him. She begged him to say, I love you. And he died and never said it. You think you can forget that?
No, you cannot. That is the height of rejection. You see, rejection is control. It can be vicious.
It can be destructive if you allow it to be. And so, when you think about how people live their lives, there are so many people around us who are living in rejection. Father rejected.
And let me just say this. The worst thing that can happen to a woman, the very worst thing that can happen to a woman is for her father to reject her. Mother are important, but a father's rejection is absolutely devastating. You say, well, she can get over that. When she gets married, here's the thing she's got to deal with.
She's got to deal with the fact that the most important person in her life rejected her. You don't get over that by just saying, I want to forget it. Because every single one of us has a library. A library, well, we used to say tapes.
I'm going to stick with the tapes because CDs don't fit this. All of us have a library on our shoulders. It's our mind. And everything we've ever felt, heard or seen is up there. Now, the reason I know that, for a lot of reasons, I can still remember this. I was sitting in the bed in this bedroom with wooden walls and a kerosene lamp, in the bed crying with an earache. That's my first remembrance in life. Now, that had to be a seventy-some many, many years ago. Why would I remember that?
Because it's up there. And so, think about this. When the child hears, I wish you'd get out of here. You're just an encumbrance to this family.
You slow things down. Records. Or, of all of our children, you cause us the most problems. Record. The truth is, I wish you'd get out. Record, record, record, record, record. Now, watch this. It doesn't take but one devastating statement to be recorded on a child's mind to devastate them for life.
It depends on who said it and what the circumstance was and the relationship of that child of the Father. We think it all goes away quickly. It does not.
It's all there recorded. And so, when I think about people today, things will crop up in their mind. They'll think, Oh, you know what? That's not important.
Oh, I forgave them. Well, isn't it interesting it keeps cropping up? And you see, here's the subtle thing about it.
It affects us on a daily basis if we don't deal with it in ways that we don't even think about. Why is it some people just can't get a promotion? They work hard. You look at their work and they ought to get the promotion to give it to somebody else.
Is it something inside of that person, the way they act, their attitude? The truth is, listen, watch this. They want it badly, but on the other hand, they don't really feel like they deserve it. So, what do they do?
Watch this carefully. They will act in such a way as to lose the opportunity. Because deep down inside, they don't mean to, on the surface it looks like, Well, I want that.
But deep down inside, they'll do something to cause them to be rejected, because they've rejected themselves. And it's tragic. Now, what in the world can you do about it? So, let's think about it in this light.
Watch this carefully. Some things, if you get this, and you will, there is a way to overcome that, no matter what it is. There are three feelings that are absolutely essential to a healthy self-attitude and your own personal view of yourself, your self-respect and everything else. These three attitudes are a sense of belonging. I belong. It's very important to be a part of, I'm a part of. The second one is, I'm worthy.
That is, you know what? I'm worth something. I'm of value. God loves me. And thirdly, I'm competent. I can do it.
I can handle it, whatever it is. If you don't have those three feelings about yourself, emotions about yourself, you'll go through life suffering and hurting. Now, scripturally, think about it for a moment. What Paul said in Romans eight sixteen, the Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we're the children of God.
Listen, it doesn't make any difference about what somebody else thinks or who they want, where, when. You and I are a part of the body of Christ. We belong to Him.
And He welcomed us into His family, into the kingdom of God. We belong. We may not belong as far as somebody else is concerned in some other situation. We belong to Him.
And once I get that in my mind and heart, I'm going to start getting over these things, feelings of rejection. Not only do I belong, but I have this feeling of worthiness. And look at this. Do you want to know whether you're worthy or not? All you have to do is to turn to John three sixteen. Listen to this. For God so loved the world, you say, well, that's the whole world.
Mm-mm, wait a minute. God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever, which includes you and me, whosoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life. And Paul said again in Romans, he said, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
And we read a few moments ago that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ. So, your worthiness, He died for you. Listen, He considers you worthy that He died for you.
Watch this. He not only considers you worthy that He died for you, but He's living on the inside of you. So, think about this. God loves you. He doesn't see what's on the outside. He sees on the inside.
He loves you. And here's what He said in the Word of God. Nothing, watch this, nothing can separate you from the love of God in Christ Jesus. Nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing can separate you. Therefore, I have to believe the Bible or I don't. And the third feeling is a feeling of competence.
I can do it. Well, why do I feel that? Because He says the Holy Spirit who lives within us will enable us to do whatever He calls us to do. And you can quote that verse from Paul in Philippians chapter four, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. You belong to Him and you're worth something. And you're confident.
Listen, what you're doing is you're getting God's attitude towards you into your life so you can operate on the basis of who He is in you and not those bad feelings you had about yourself. So, what does it boil down to? A choice. I can either choose to believe what God said about me or I can choose to believe what other people say.
Now, watch this. When you start believing what other people say in their criticisms, then you get in trouble. So, you have to ask yourself the question, who do I want to trust?
In other words, people may say things about you, they don't know the truth about you. God does. Listen, Almighty God who loves you unconditionally knows the absolute truth about every single one of us and here's what He says, I love you. And I love you so much that I'm not going to let anything separate you from me.
That's how much I love you. And not only that, I love you so much I'm going to come and live my life in and through you through the presence of the Holy Spirit. Listen to this, a person of the Trinity living on the inside of you. And not only that, He's there to do what?
To enable you and me to accomplish anything and everything He calls us to accomplish. Now, that is the truth. If I want to deal with those things in my life that cause me to feel rejection, then I have to make a choice. I'm either going to believe what He said about me or I'm going to believe what they say about me.
And sometimes you can't get two people to agree on anything. You're not going to make a decision based on what they say. You make a decision about yourself based on what He says.
You see, it all boils down to one thing. If I believe what God said or I don't. If I believe what He said, I'm going to be free. Amen? Father, how grateful we are for Your precious Word that we can be freed from anything and everything.
You said, I came to set the captives free. And I pray the Holy Spirit has and is and will speak. Not only to people here, but to people around the world who hear this, who are living in all kinds of circumstances beyond our comprehension.
They may recognize that You love them, that You care, and that You're in it with them no matter what. And we pray this in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you for listening to Victory Over Rejection. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of InTouch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.
