Understanding Those Guilty Feelings - Part 2

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Friday, March 15th. Is guilt keeping you trapped?

Today's podcast helps you work through powerful emotions and learn to walk in freedom. Guilt is the responsibility for doing wrong. That's what guilt is. Guilt is the responsibility for doing wrong. Now, a person who feels guilty may say, well, I know that I am guilty and my problem is I feel that I'm going to be found out. And oftentimes that causes great consternation in their life.

Or they may say, well, you know what? The real problem here is this, and that is I disappointed myself or I disappointed somebody else's expectation of me. Or here's what they expected and here's what I did. And so I feel so down and I feel so guilty because I couldn't do what they ask of me. And sometimes people will have expectations of us that are impossible. Expectations and misunderstandings that we know we don't understand how they're thinking and what they're feeling and why. And so when we feel like we've disappointed them, then we feel guilty when sometimes it isn't anything that we've done wrong. We've just disappointed someone else, not lived up to their standard or their expectation. And the truth is, you can't ever live up to anybody, all their expectations in life. Guilt really is a form of pain and emotional pain that you and I feel when we believe that we have failed to live up to or fail to carry out a particular task or have done something wrong.

And in the process, we have violated either our standard or our whole idea of morality. Now, when you think about all that and you think about your life and you think about, first of all, well, why do I have these feelings? In other words, do I have these feelings because of sin?

What are my reasons? So let's think about it for just a moment. Let's think about why people feel guilty. Sometime it's because we have violated the laws of God and we feel guilty about it. And so that is a legitimate feeling in our daily walk.

In our position, we are not guilty before. That is, when we have been pardoned for our sin, our eternal security is settled once and for all. But those feelings that I get on a daily basis, that's God's way. Listen, that's the conviction of the Holy Spirit.

And the purpose is repentance and change. Now, so why do we feel it? Sometime it's because of sin. Sometime it's because, watch this, sometime it's because of things in our past we can't let go of.

Now think about this. I think about kids who grew up and their parents have sometimes damaged them emotionally. Things that they have not gotten over.

And so here's what they do. Now they don't realize they're doing this. They're holding on to the past. And their father or their mother said things or treated them in certain ways that they still feel unworthy. Still feel unloved. Still feel like that they are nobody.

And still feel like that God doesn't really care. And so what happens is they hold on to those things that happened to them in the past. And so they feel guilty because of what was said to them or how they were treated.

And so therefore, when a person looks at their past, they have to ask themselves a question. Are these feelings of guilt? That's what they are, not guilt. Feelings of guilt. Are these feelings of guilt, are they here because of something I'm holding on to back yonder?

Or is it something I did today or yesterday? In other words, if God has forgiven you, if you've brought it to Him and confessed it to Him genuinely, then you know what? That's the end of it. You move on.

He has disconnected you. But if you choose to hold on to it, Satan will harass you with something in the past all of your life. And this is why people live under this cloud. So sometimes it's things that have happened in the past and oftentimes a person will have those feelings because they feel unworthy. Maybe they don't feel like they're a talented person. They don't feel like they have any spiritual gifts. They don't feel like they can serve the Lord. They don't feel like they have accomplished anything in life. And so what happens? They feel like somehow there's just this guilty feeling. Well, you know, if I die. They live in the if I die stage.

We can all live there. That's why there's got to be a disconnect with the past. Forgiven, God says He holds it against us no more. Once you are saved by the grace of God, all your guilt and all the penalty was atoned for in the death of Christ. I need to deal with those guilty feelings because I want my fellowship restored. If He died for one of my sins, He died for all of them. What happens is I feel guilty because I feel unworthy and I feel ashamed because I have sinned against this marvelous God who forgave me past, present and future.

So I come to Him convicted of the Holy Spirit, dealing with it, settling that issue once and for all. So sometimes it's an unworthy feeling that people have of themselves and so therefore they feel very guilty about what's going on. Sometimes it's because a person is a perfectionist. A perfectionist has a very difficult life. A perfectionist is the kind of person who waits until they can do it just right. A perfectionist, you see, it's just their makeup. It has to be done just right.

Why? Because their sense of self-esteem is hanging on that. Their sense of self-worth is balanced by that. If I don't do it just right, what are they going to think? If I don't do it perfectly just right, then they're going to think less of me. They're going to think I don't have any abilities and talents. In other words, I just want to be accepted and then I'll feel real bad so I got to do it just right. And what they do, they cause more problems, more heartache and more ill will because they never get around to doing anything.

That's a terrible trap. But that's the reason a lot of people feel guilty because they have a perfectionistic attitude. Well, another reason of course is because of somebody else's criticism.

Sometimes we can be criticized legitimately, probably most of the time. But there are times when we may feel the flame of somebody's criticism when we've not done anything wrong. You've done what you believe you should do.

You've not violated the law of God in any fashion. And so when we disappoint someone else and they express that disappointment, we feel real guilty. That is a false sense of guilt. Now, I'm sorry that I disappointed you, but I'm not guilty of sin.

And so oftentimes it's the expectation of others, the criticism of others that causes us to feel that way. And so ask yourself the question, what is this feeling of guilt I have? Now let's talk about the consequences of these guilty feelings.

There are lots of them. First one is this. Either it's because of something you've done and you feel guilt and you say, I'm justified in feeling that I've wronged somebody or wronged God in this situation. First thing that's going to happen is divide your mind. Guilty feelings divide our mind. You cannot accomplish as much, as well, as fast, as thoroughly, as good as, as when you do not have a guilty feeling, a guilty conscience, as we would say.

So first of all, divide your mind. Second thing it does, it drains your energy. Because what's going on when you're feeling guilty, there's an energy drain.

It's like something inside of you, the fuel's leaking out. So there's going to be an energy drain. There's going to be a dividing of the mind.

Dividing the mind will drain your energy. And so that's just a couple of things that happen to us. Another thing is this. We doubt God. When you have guilty feelings, you're going to doubt God.

Here's what you're going to doubt. First of all, somebody says, well, I don't know how could God love me when I did what I did. So we doubt His love. Secondly, you'll doubt that He'll answer your prayer. Well, how could God answer my prayer when I made such a terrible mistake, when I failed Him? So we think, well, God doesn't answer our prayer. How could I expect God to provide for me and to protect me when I have sinned against Him? After all, I'm guilty of this. And so feeling what I feel, how could I expect God to do these things for me? Well, what happens is something happens to our faith in Him. And that's what guilty feelings do. They hinder our fellowship with Him. Another thing that happens is this, that sometimes these guilty feelings will cause a person to want to be punished. Deep down inside, it's as if they want to get caught because if they get caught and get punished, they'll feel better about themselves. That is one of the deceptive things about the devil. He knows how to destroy us if we allow Him to do it.

And so oftentimes a person, they desire to be punished as a result of their guilty feelings. Certainly, there is the feeling of fear and insecurity. What about the future? You know, and people say, well, you know, I keep looking over my shoulder. God's just too good.

He's just too good to me. I know this can't last. And what are they doing? They're setting themselves up to make some silly, ridiculous, stupid, idiotic decision. And they're going to fall flat on their face and say, see, God, I knew it. And then God gets the blame. And so if you're always looking back thinking, things are getting too good. So here's what I say. The phrase isn't God is too good, but God is so good. Let's say that together. God is so good. Let's say it one more time. God is so good. Now watch this one. God is too good.

That doesn't even sound right, does it? How can God who is absolute goodness be too good? What you're saying is, God, there's something wrong with your character. There's something wrong with your attributes. You're just too good.

You know what? That's a reflection on God. The truth is He's so good. How good is He?

He's so good I can't even describe it. He talks about the abundance of His grace and overflowing with the grace of God, that He's a God who has stored up goodness in heaven for us. That is the goodness of God. And sometimes a person has a very difficult time. They feel like they feel so insecure.

What's causing them to feel insecure? Well, I've sinned against God. I've done this. I've messed it up here.

And so now I don't know what's going to happen. So they feel extremely insecure about what's going on in their life. Well, I think another reason, another consequence is this. And that is sometimes it's compulsive behavior.

Person feels guilty. You know what they do sometimes? They eat. Or if they have some particular activity that they like, they just go at it. Or they can just work themselves to death, whatever.

In other words, anything, what are they trying to do? Alleviate the guilty feelings. So just get busy so you won't think about it.

Let me just say this, getting busy or overeating or overworking or whatever it might be does not deal with the issue on the inside. It is an attitude of the heart. It is an imagination of the mind. It's the thinking of the mind. The only way to deal with that is to get on the inside with the grace of God and deal with it, which we'll talk about in a moment.

But sometimes that's exactly the way people respond. And so what happens is that's one of the consequences. One of the consequences of guilt is certainly depression.

And that is, you know, things are just so bad. And anger, depression, guilty feelings, all these things go hand in hand. If you are guilty or feel, listen, even if the guilt's not biblical guilt, if you feel guilty and you absolutely will not deal with it, you refuse to deal with it, more than likely you are a good prospect for great depression. Because guilty feelings, listen, unresolved guilt that is a prolonged period of time is going to result in some form of depression or anger and ultimately it can mean even taking your own life. And so you cannot afford to let guilty feelings plague your life because of what it'll do.

It will affect the human body. Remember we said the Bible says we are body, soul and spirit. And God intends to work through His Spirit to control, listen, through our soul to control this body of ours. So if in my relationship with Him and my spirit I feel guilty before God, condemned before God, under the wrath of God, then what's happening? My soul is going to be remorseful and my body is going to respond to the thinking of my mind, the condition of my soul.

Mind, will, conscience, consciousness all makes up that personality. And so the physical body, probably if we knew how much real disease and how many different diseases and how much real pain and suffering and hurt people go through as a result of unresolved conflicts in their life, absolutely will not resolve their guilt and accept God's forgiveness and deal with the things that pop up on a daily basis and walk wholly before Him. I believe if somehow we were willing to deal with those things, probably we'd all be in better health. And then I think one of the ultimate consequences of guilt that people live with and they cannot face and cannot deal with and no matter what and they lose all hope, they take their life. They take their life for the simple reason they don't see any other way out. The pain keeps on increasing. The intensity of the pain increases. And so they say, what's the use of trying to live? I can't handle it.

I'm checking out. Now, with all that in mind, how do we deal with it? What do you, how do you deal with guilt? Well, it's very simple, but not always very easy. So listen carefully.

First thing you have to do is this. You have to acknowledge, yes, I do feel guilty. Don't say, well, now, it's not exactly guilt, I feel. Well, what is it?

Well, yeah, well, let's face it. The truth is, yes, I feel guilty. Step number one, admitting I do feel guilty.

Step number two is not as easy. And that is identifying what is the source of my guilt. Is this something that I'm holding onto in the past? Is this some feeling somebody made me feel?

Watch this carefully. Nobody can make you feel guilty. I have to either choose to feel guilty on the basis of what they say I do, or I can choose not to feel guilty. If I'm not guilty, I can choose not to feel guilty.

If I have disobeyed the law of God, the Holy Spirit's not going to let me out of that until, because I'm going to be convicted of that. I'm going to have to deal with that. And so I will say maybe I feel guilty about this. I must be willing to trace it to its source.

What is the source? Somebody says, well, here's what I did yesterday. Well, then let's deal with yesterday. Well, you know, so two weeks ago, well, I dealt with that, and I still feel guilty. Well, what are you guilty about? Well, you see, if you can't put your finger on the source, you're going to keep on feeling guilty. Listen, there is a source.

It may be false or it may be true. Listen carefully. If it is a sin that you've committed, whether it's just between you and yourself or between you and someone else, only you and God, between something you did before God, whatever it might be, because all sin is before Him, then you have to trace it back to this is what I did, or this is what I am doing, and this is what I keep on doing. So you've got to identify.

Until you identify it, you'll still have those feelings. Then when you've acknowledged, yes, I do have these guilty feelings, yes, this is exactly what is causing me to feel guilty, then what do you do with it? If it's something in your life, if you violated the law of God, you, here's what I would do. I would say, Lord, I just want to thank you that on the cross Jesus atoned for my sin. I took my guilt, past, present, future, all my sin. I want to thank you for that forgiveness. Now, I'm coming to you confessing and acknowledging this in my life, thanking you for your forgiveness for me, and I choose to walk away from that. So if that is the issue of guilt, I'm going to confess it, I'm going to repent of it, I'm going to choose to walk away from that and walk in obedience to God. You know what happens? You disconnect from that guilt.

In other words, you disconnect. Why? Because you have affirmed your forgiveness before God. What God has forgiven you for, what you and God have dealt with, you don't have to have any guilty feelings about. You don't have to have any feelings about your salvation.

He dealt with that a long time ago. You trusted Him as your personal Savior forever that was settled. He took your guilt and your sin upon Himself. Now when sin crops into our life, what do we do?

We're confessing these feelings that we have because they don't fit who we are in Christ Jesus anymore and we confess it and we repent of it and we move on in our life. That's the only way to deal with it. You can't cover it up.

You see, now watch this. A person can live with guilt and no one else know what they feel guilty about. But the consequences are going on all the time. So how do you deal with it? You face it. You identify it.

Is this false? If this is false, I just want to, just forgive me for even thinking that kind of stuff in my life. I just want to thank you for your love and your forgiveness and your cleansing.

But if there's something that you keep holding on to, ask God. Say, Lord, I've trusted you for the forgiveness of my sins. I know that I'm forgiven. I want you to enable me to disconnect from the past.

No matter what they said about me, no matter what they did to me, no matter how much I was abused, no matter how much I was falsely accused, no matter what happened in my life, no matter how sinful I was, disconnect how? Because the blood of Jesus Christ has washed you clean and now you have the righteousness of Christ in your life. You and I have the gift of His righteousness so that now we daily walk in confession, repentance, what?

To keep our life clean, to keep our conduct clean, to keep our behavior clean. We are not guilty sinners. We are righteous saints made righteous by the blood of Jesus Christ. You say, well, isn't that being pious and prideful?

No, that's being grateful and understanding the marvelous work of the grace of Almighty God. So I simply want to say to you, my friend, if you've never trusted Jesus as your Savior, know in your heart that you've never done it, you do feel guilty. And your guilt is right because the wages of sin is death. If you're willing to ask Him to forgive you of your sins based on what He did at Calvary and tell Him that you're turning your life over to Him, He will save you in that moment, forgive you, declare you no longer guilty. And listen, you say, but now what about, oh, but what about, yes, every single solitary sin, forgiven, pardoned, forever, disconnected totally. You know what?

Remember this. God does not bring up what He has forgiven us for and what He has delivered us from, what He has pardoned us for. He does not bring that back up. If the Holy Spirit brings up something in the past, He will, listen, He will bring up what God did for you in that, how He worked in your life through that in order to strengthen your testimony, because one of the very important factors in dealing with guilt is this. And that is understanding how God has worked it in your life to free you up from those guilty feelings and to weave that into your personal testimony of how God delivered you, set you free and how now you're able to understand His unconditional love for you and to walk in it. That's the only time He's going to bring it up, when He weaves it into your life for something very good. Thank you for listening to Part 2 of Understanding Those Guilty Feelings. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of InTouch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.