When We Are Abused - Part 2

Welcome to the In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley for Tuesday, January 18th. Abuse is not the same, all of it is not motivated the same way. And so, to say to somebody, we'll just get out, that is not always the answer. And some people will use that word abuse today as an excuse to run or to escape. We're talking about the kind of abuse that brings great injury and great hurt. And so here's a person, for example, who is physically being abused and physically being inflicted on a person who is not being used or is being abused. Then to say to that person to stay within that situation, no.

Or someone, for example, who is being emotionally abused. You may say, well, they should just leave. You can't say that to everybody for the simple reason, that's why we say you ask God what you ought to do.

Now remember this, listen carefully. God will never tell you to do anything that violates the living Word of God. So how do you respond to all of these things? So the first thing I want to suggest is simply this, and that is, as you think in terms of dealing with these things and how to deal with them, number one, to seek God's guidance. Lord, what would you have me to do?

He will show you exactly what to do. Be very sure you have God's Word of instruction as to what you should do in that situation. Secondly, pray for the abuser. Pray for the abuser. You say, well, I've prayed and prayed and prayed, nothing has happened.

Well, let me give you something specific to pray for. And that is pray for God to show you what motivates that person to act the way they act. Why does that person abuse someone else? Oftentimes, when you understand the motivation of the abuser, something can happen. And that's why I say it's so important to pray for the person who's abusing you because once that person begins to realize why they're being, what's motivating the person who's abusing them, then you can become more of a help to help that abuser, though there are situations and circumstances where that abuser may have to be put away if it's someone who is absolutely mentally incapable of dealing with reality. The third thing I would suggest is this, and that is do not to blame God, do not blame God. The one thing Satan would love for you to do is say, well, God did this, here's what God did. God wanted to correct my life and God wanted to get rid of sin in my life and so He caused my parent or my son or my daughter to abuse me.

Listen to me carefully. God never under any circumstance ever instigates, institutes, initiates in any fashion any kind of abuse. That is not of God. The fourth thing I would say is to forgive the abuser. You and I can never justifiably hold against someone else something that they've done to us because you know what unforgiveness is? It is poison and it will wreak havoc in your life. It will cause you to make decisions that are foolish. It will cause you to make decisions that are devastating.

It will cause you to do things that everything looks like it's just going fine right now, but ultimately out there it's going to catch up with you somewhere or the other. An unforgiving spirit is devastating. It doesn't make any difference what's been done to us. And so we must be willing to forgive the person who is the abuser. And then number five, I want to say it's equally important, that is to forgive the one who allowed the abuse. Now, there are young people who grow up and there are adults today who say, my mother stood by and she knew what was going on and she let it happen in a way. And so the unforgiving spirit oftentimes is just as much toward the person who stood by and allowed it to happen as the person who did the abusing.

And so it's easy to blame someone else. Now what we have to ask is this, why did that person stand by? Sometimes it's because a parent absolutely refused to believe it, wouldn't even tolerate the idea that their husband could sexually abuse the daughter, just wouldn't believe it.

Refused to be honest, refused to deal with it, refused to face the issue. And so that parent refusing to face it allows it to go on. Sometimes it's because the person who allows it in their own inability, emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, whatever, just can't deal with it. I'm not excusing them, I'm just saying why people do it. The person who allowed it, Mel felt inadequate and that's the reason, so don't hold it against them. And it may be that you'd love to go back to one of your parents and say, you know, I've held it against you all these years for you allowing this to happen to me.

Would you just sort of tell me why we just put up with that? And somehow more than likely you're going to find out that there was in their mind a legitimate reason or in their thinking, they felt so inadequate and so scared that they didn't even know how to handle admitting that a husband or a wife was abusing a child. I'm simply saying these are some things that you need to consider when it comes to dealing with abuse.

The next thing I would say, which would be number six, is to choose the truth about yourself. You see, when you're told you'll never amount to anything, you're ugly. You're probably going to end up in prison. You are a mistake. That is horrible abuse. You don't have to physically abuse someone to destroy them. You can destroy them with your tongue. You can destroy them with depriving love.

God made every single one of us for love. And when you want to love somebody and pour your heart out to them and they can't accept it and they reject your love and reject your love and reject your love, that is a horribly painful emotion. And so I simply want to say to you, be very, very careful about choosing the right thoughts about yourself, how you should respond, and believing the truth about yourself. You see, if somebody says to you, you aren't worth anything. You know what that means?

All it means is that they exercise their vocal cords because it doesn't mean that at all. Let me tell you how much you're worth. Here's how much you're worth.

It doesn't mean it's what nobody says about you. Here's what you're worth. You're worth God dying for you.

Hallelujah. That's how much you're worth. Can you tell me anything in all this earth to equal Christ's death for you?

Nothing. When somebody says you're no good, you don't count, you're not worth anything, you just let that go in one in and out the other because that didn't come from heaven, it came from the pit. But you see, it's damaging because everybody needs to feel a sense that they belong, a sense of value that they're worth something, and to feel competent. Those three attitudes are essential to every person's emotional health, a feeling of belonging, a feeling of worth, and a feeling of competence. And when you eliminate a sense of belonging, that means I don't belong in some rejected.

A sense of worth, I have no value, I'm worthless, and I'm not competent. And my friends, you have a person who is emotionally damaged, deeply, deeply damaged. And so when you and I begin to believe the truth about ourselves, what happens, we begin to step out of the horrible results and effects of this kind of abuse. Then I would say number seven, and that is to open yourself up to Godly healing. Now I want you to listen very carefully to what I'm going to say, and I speak out of experience, and I speak for the benefit of multitudes of people, I hope. When I say, open yourself up to healing, what has to be healed? Well, if you were physically abused back yonder somewhere, more than likely if somebody broke an arm or cut you or something, that's been healed and you've gotten over that and you think, well, hey, you know, I'm over that abuse. No, you're not.

That's just the out with sign. Because if someone emotionally abused you, you never did see that, but you felt it. You see, the healing process has to take place in our memories. What do I remember? What did I feel? What was I feeling when this was going on? You may have felt dirty if you were sexually abused. Or you may have just put your mind in neutral and tried to just be in some kind of ethereal something somewhere while it was happening. Or you may have felt, I must deserve this. Or you may have felt hatred, bitterness, and hostility toward the person who was doing it. Those memories have to be healed, or those memories are like poison. And so God is willing to heal.

Now, Jesus Christ, who is the source of our strength for everything that we have, He is willing to heal that. But now listen, it may be that you may need to talk to somebody else about it and get it out. Maybe it's something that you've never shared with anyone.

Maybe you've never even thought about the fact that that's part of something going on inside of you. But let me say this, and I want you to listen very carefully. Sometimes you may need to go to some godly counselor.

Now, listen carefully. You be sure the person who is your counselor is a godly counselor and not someone who simply says, I'm a Christian, or who hangs out a shingle that they're a Christian counselor, because let me tell you something. If a person is not a true godly counselor, here's what they'll do.

They'll say, I'm a Christian. You won't hear much about the Word of God in that counseling. You won't hear much of, or anything about Jesus or about the Word of God, but what you'll have is you'll have ungodly, worldly, psychology, and counseling that has nothing to do with the principles of Scripture. And when you allow those things to perpetrate your mind and your emotions and your will, you will end up in worse shape than you were before you ever went to that counselor because it will cause confusion and it will be trying to put together the principles of Scripture with ungodly counselor and all it does is lengthens the time, multiplies, and deepens the hurt of those around you.

Ungodly counselor is absolutely devastating. The healing of those memories has to take place. Listen, if Jesus will heal the blind eyes of a useless, poor, wayfaring beggar, will He not heal your damaged emotions, child of God, loved of God? Will He not heal your damaged emotions? Will He not heal those bad, horrible memories of things that happen to you back yonder or things that are happening even now?

Yes, He will. That's the loving Lord that you and I have. He's our Savior, Jesus Christ. He's the source of our strength. He's the source of all of our healing. And I'm here to tell you, there's a lot of healing that needs to go on in people all over this world, cannot be seen because their damage is internal, emotional damage, so traumatic that even they wonder if they'll ever be able to escape it.

Now listen carefully. This is why it needs to happen. Or if you have abused your children in some fashion and you realize that you have, go to them and acknowledge that you have, confess it, repent of it before them and before God, and make things right because if you don't, they're going to have anger and hostility and bitterness, resentment towards you, and they're going to take it out on their marriage partner, mark it down. They're going to do it unless somebody gets to them quickly and deals with it in some fashion. You cannot cover it.

It's there. It keeps going on. The poison is seeping out all the time. The next thing I would simply say is this, and that is to refuse to retaliate. You see, you say, well, I'll tell you, I'm just going to get even. That's what I'm going to do. Listen to me.

Listen carefully. Did you know that that's what the world's philosophy is? That's what ungodly counseling says do. Well, if she does this, you do that. If he does this, you do that. That's the ungodly counsel of the world.

Let me ask this. Where did Jesus ever say that? Why did He ever say, well, listen, you just get the best of them. You just retaliate.

No. If you want to deal with abuse, you don't retaliate. Here's what God says.

He says, vengeance is mine. I will repay, saith the Lord. I'll take care of the discipline out there. You just trust Me and follow Me. You let Me handle it. And listen to me carefully. When some counselor tells you to retaliate, you mark this down. You just heard the devil speak.

It is never of God. Retaliation is never right. Because listen, not only does retaliation not work in the other person's life, it works the reverse in the person who retaliates. Do not retaliate to the person who is the abuser. Then number nine, and that is, choose to just move forward in your life. If you're a person who's been abused and you say, well, here's what happened to me, therefore I can't.

Don't say that. You can do anything God wants you to do. And this is why Jesus Christ in your life is so absolutely essential. He within you will enable you, listen, to be healed of your abuse. He will enable you to pick up those broken pieces, those shattered parts of your life, and He will put them back together in the most beautiful way.

That's the grace of God. He can heal you of bad memories. He can put the broken pieces back together. You can move on in life and do what? God can accomplish in your life everything that He chooses to accomplish, and no matter what has happened to you, here's what you can do. You can know that Romans 8, 28 is right and true, that no matter what's happened in the past, that you can pick up the pieces and move on, and that God will do this. He'll take all the hurts, all the injury, all the pain, all the suffering, and all the heartache.

You know what He'll do? He'll work that in your life in some fashion to make you a blessing to someone else, because we're all servants. And what He's looking for is not successful people. You know what God's looking for? People who've been broken and shattered and willing to be a servant and willing to give themselves away to somebody else.

That's what He's looking for. And so no matter how badly you've been hurt, God will take your hurt and your pain, and He will make you a blessing to someone else. So don't just look back and say, well, this is where I was treated, therefore nothing.

Listen, this is where I was treated. That may be what happened to me in the past, but this is who I am now. And God is my Savior, my Lord, my Master. And He says in Christ Jesus that He will enable me to do and to accomplish and to achieve everything that He calls me to do.

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Listen, no matter what's happened in the past, the past cannot hold you back from doing what God wants you to do unless you allow it to happen. You must consent to the devil. You must consent to defeat. You must choose to be defeated. You must choose not to move ahead in life. God is going to move you ahead in life no matter what. And so I want to encourage you that no matter what's happened in your past, you make the choice. I choose to move on in life no matter what's going on. Then the last thing I would say is simply this. Look for something good to come out of that abuse.

Look for something good to come out of it. Because you see, God is, listen, He will take those pieces and He will put them together in such a fashion that'll be absolutely amazing to you. And you know, as I look around and see people that God uses, most of them have been through some great difficult and hardship and trial in their life. Not all of them, but most of them have. Because you see, He's looking for people who are willing to be broken and humble in their spirit.

Not people who just want to be successful and be somebody. Listen, you are somebody because you're a child of God. And listen, God loves you no matter who you are and how you've been treated in life. He loves you not because of what you've done. He loves you not because of what's been done to you.

He loves you because you are who you are. And no matter what you've been through, here's what He said. You and I have a great high priest, the Lord Jesus Christ, the source of our strength, who was tempted and tried in all points just like we are. And therefore, when you and I are hurting, we come to the throne of grace, He says, where we find grace to help in time of need. Thank you for listening to part two of When We Are Abused. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or In Touch Ministries, stop by intouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of In Touch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.