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Love's Hidden Enemy

In Touch / Charles Stanley
The Truth Network Radio
October 21, 2021 12:00 am

Love's Hidden Enemy

In Touch / Charles Stanley

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October 21, 2021 12:00 am

Discover why childish things are the underlying problem in many of our failed relationships.

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As this series wraps up by pinpointing love's hidden enemy. One of the tragedies of broken relationships is that often times people will look in the wrong places to find the cause of the solution.

That's what I will talk about in this message entitled, love's hidden enemy and I want you turn if you will to first Corinthians chapter 13 you recall that this is the chapter that Paul sandwiched between a message about spiritual gifts in a message about tongue and he describes for us in this passage of the 13th chapter, first Corinthians, what love is all about. Then he comes down to verse 11, he says something very interesting. He says when I was a child I used to speak as a child think is a child reason as a child but when I became a man I did away with childish things. Paul said when I grew up those things that were childish that fit my childhood then fit my adulthood is that I put those things away. Now when Paul said I did away with childish things. In that phrase I believe the apostle Paul has given to us the hidden in the me of loving relationships so I would like to do. First of all is to identify one of those at least a section of what I believe is one of those hidden enemies of love. Now the real problem is that when we only look at the surface issues. We will never discover what the real problem is the tension the stress the heartache and the pain, the hurt will just keep on going on a copilot there's a serving of relationship and so Paul said in this passage, he said that when I was a child, I thought like a child thinks I spoke like a child speaks.

I communicated that way.

He says, I reasoned like a child. Reasons he says, but now when I grew up.

What happened was, he said, I put away these childish things. I believe that the hidden in the me of loving relationships is wrapped up in that parade childish things. I don't mean that necessarily the way we act as a child or things that will natural Norma do his children, but I believe it sums up what Paul is referring to. Now when we think about childish ways.

I want us to think in terms of what became a part of our thinking and our ways of life when we were children, so each have this grid system in our mind all the things we heard all the things we experienced all the things that we saw the very environment in which you and I grew up, became a part of our reasoning and thinking of things so that ever since you and I were children, we have interpreted all of life we look at things, reasoned, and we have evaluated responded on the basis of those interpretations which have been highly influenced by those childish ways. We were given we received. We learned we were taught. We then ask they were just given to those that's what we grew up. And so they have affected our life and so one person says well you know Mark has us in effect, I want to show you why does this is why I say those childish ways are the hidden enemies of our loving relationships.

For example, let's just look at some of them and then relate one of those childish ways that we came in the life with some people did. Was this it said something like this that is my acceptance is based on my performance and so therefore I your parents either acted in such a way or treated you in such a way that made you realize that if you were going to get their acceptance and you will get there. Love you had to perform a certain way and so you came in the life having to perform an maybe develop some perfectionism and and so you built into your life. This standard and you related this to no matter where you are with your occupation, your relationships of other people and so one of those messages that you got in your grid system is if I'm going to accept it.

I have to perform have to measure up, and the tragedy is what we do is, no matter what we hear.

We saw to set the standard and of course our standard is always an impossible one because nobody is perfect and so we make all kind of mistakes in life and we berate ourselves and be ourselves over the head with another one of those messages regarding our grid system is this.

If you want God to love you. You have to watch your behavior because God's love for you is determined by your behavior that sometimes we would talk that my parents in order to manipulate us to behave them out of fear of God. And so it may be that the you went to church and very early in life some pastor with you about six or seven, eight years of age. He looked 12 feet tall just like Moses, so therefore whatever he said was straight from God and he said if you want God to love you and you must read your Bible and pray and come to church every time the doors opened and give your money or else God's judgment is going to fall upon you in another set that way, but the message you got was goodness.

If I've got to love me. I got to do certain things and if I don't and I'm not sure he'll ever love me now we can just go on all morning talking about all the things that get into people's good system that no one asked for those thing we pick them up by what we see about what we hear all about what we talked and it can be by parents, it can be by friends. It can be about teachers of of whatever it might be that when I was this is this then often times those of the hidden real deep-seated root issues in our life that we don't look at so will be that we look at what Paul talked about. We look at this whole idea of his about his inpatient jealous, unkind, arrogant, prideful, egotistical, boastful, galloping number one got a have first place. Real touchy. I got a please and don't know it's not clean and right don't get anywhere close because I'm in. You can have an explosion. All and so these are the issues we think that's the problem in this relationship that's a problem of the people I work with income. The work all bent out of shape and so that's what messes up the relationship. None of those other issues the issue are root causes. Now not saying those things are not factors. I'm simply saying that in order to deal with the real problem we have to get back to the childish thing and are likely would not even aware of. Oftentimes, and posted he said when I grew up.

He said when I became a man I put them away. I rendered them in operative so that no matter what the root is, it can be dealt with successfully in a person's life. So let's look to see for a moment if these things in a have any kind of relationship and how they do to our relationships with others. Now, for example, his a person says well all my grid system is what I heard my acceptance is based on my performance and so what do they just try extra extra hard to please the other person and that no matter how hard they please.

The other person then I should accept it because while they do accept them there standard is so high and they raise their own standard one of a suspect in this respect. And, you know, I'm not sure that they really believe what they say about Nate. I'm not sure he really believes what he says and she believes what he says because I'm doing my best with you know I'm not perfect. I know not perfect. What happened sometimes a person gets been all out of shape because they raise their own standard so high they can't live up to. Similarly, do they become angry with themselves, irritating themselves and what they do.

All of a sudden they began to dump it on the other person and of course other person becomes the culprit and the real basic problem is they can't live up to their own standard because what they heard and what's on their grid system is in order for me to be accepted.

I got the measure up, and I think I've reached the top. That's as far as I can go and I still can't do it. So what happens that bit of anger becomes very explosive and so what happens and you got tension and stress and conflict in the relationship. The person who comes into relationship.

Believing that the only way to please God is to behave a certain way and if you don't, God doesn't love you, and what happens if the relationship is come along and you see if you're a believer you know in your heart if you don't believe that God loves you. Are you question that you not certain about that. There's a bit of insecurity that is overriding in your life. It is Megan's what's going on with your children, your wife, your husband, your parents. If you have this unsettled uneasy feeling that God may not be loving you. That creates a sense of insecurity is going to permeate and saturate every relationship in life. How can you ever feel secure about anything if you're not certain that God loves you. The problem is those hidden messages we got earlier in life causes all kinds of destructive pain and hurt another person asked her left, but that is exactly what happens now these things are devastating to relationships no matter what. So what we have to ask is how do we deal of wealth.

There is a way that people usually deal with things like this and the way they deal with them is this is your fault. When you straighten up everything will be fine. And so blame blame blame when you know that blaming other people for something never makes anything work it just doesn't work that is God's way. The second thing they do is they keep their eye on the other person and if they can keep a a running record of their faults and their failures, they can justify their criticism so they just keep putting the pressure on Edison seven anything and so what happens is they intensify the problem and then of course that person will oftentimes refuse refuse to look at themselves for two reasons. First of all, is extremely difficult for some people to say you know what I was wrong. You know what I made a mistake. I am sorry. Would you please forgive me when they think that there mouth feels like it's got marbles are sand and it just won't come out because their pride has reached such a place in their life that is so dominates and controls and I can't say I'm sorry.

Please forgive me please forgive me if I have been wrong. They can't say. So what happens then when they get the slightest little glimpse that some of this could be there. Paul they shut it up because it appears that it's going to be so painful to open up and acknowledge how you know what a lot of this is my fault.

And the more I look at this tomorrow realize this is stuff in my life. It's been there for years and years and years that I never dealt with, and even realize it was there, King Hamlet, forget it, and what happens they walk away. That's what the way most people deal with what is God's way of dealing with these childish things in our life that we grew up with that hinder destroying her and cause so much harm in our lives when the first thing is to acknowledge you know acknowledge the fact that at least part of this broken relationship, friendship or marriage or whatever.

Maybe part of this at least could be my fault.

To acknowledge that you know there could be something within us that we can't put our finger on the way we can. Part of this got to be my fault. Part of this I need to look at and so the second step is that is a determination to find the root cause. Why do I respond the way I do. Why do I act the way I do. What is that motivates me.

I seal the surface stuff. What's the root. What is it back yonder that's causing me to respond to treat someone the way I treat as long as I'm not willing as long as I have not set a determination to deal with and upon the root I'm going to continue to have a major problem or first of all, we have to acknowledge that, yes, I'm a part of the problem could be.

Most of secondly our purpose in my heart to get rid of. And thirdly, I'm noticing godly counsel, not listen carefully.

I didn't just say seek counsel if you don't seek counsel from a person who understands the principles of the word of God, and who will keep bringing you back to the word of God, who is a godly person whose lifestyle is control the principles of the word of God.

A counselor can get you in deeper, more trouble than you're already in. If you go see someone for help. They never mention Jesus, God of the Bible. They don't talk about spiritual principles that make you feel like a victim and bring you together. That just is fast as you can because what they're saying is I'm not gonna bring you look at yourself. I will make you feel that you pull the load you and as long as you think Paula will be. That's what I want to think that just feed something inside of you that absolutely will devastate you ultimate seeking godly wise counsel at the next step is the most difficult of all, if you really want healing to take place in that relationship. The next step is very important that is surrender God. It doesn't make any difference whatever you tell me knew that's what I'm going to whatever you want.

That's what Abba whatever you require me that's what I meant to do. Now if you not willing to do that. What you do is you jam up the flow of God's Spirit in your life and what happens is just what you're saying you're safe. Abba get this straightened out. But this will know the while I'm getting this right now I'm going to hold on to Mark past those childish ways because you have been living with them for all these years and I just can't give up, or I may give up part of what you see that's that's part of my thinking and you just can't blame it all on VME. No, I can't say that I'm just going to whatever God says that you just shut it down right there. If a person wants to make the relationship right there has to be absolute total full surrender to the will of God. And this is why it's so important that you go to godly counsel because a person does know the Scriptures they don't tell you to do something and listen.

They gonna leave God run out of you can have godly relationships, wholesome whole relationships that are satisfying in contending and all the rest apart from Almighty God. Being involved in that relationship.

And so as long as I insist on holding on to something childish back there that so Margaret system. I'm going to jam God's work in my life the last thing is I got to trust the Lord.

I can't seem awake. I don't know what to do next week I'm going to trust you and when you acknowledge that it's there and you determine define the root cause of you. Find godly counsel to make that surrender and trust or disable would you guarantee me that if I do that my relationships gonna be here no, I can't guarantee that, and nobody can. I can guarantee you this, the relationship may not be healed but you will be healed because if you follow those that you going to be healed.

When you surrender your life to God on the godly counsel: the word of God and trust the Lord to work in your life and begin to follow him. You are going to be healed, another relationship being healed depends upon two-person furniture, friendly, apparent, or your wife or your husband is making a difference it takes to make that relationship writing to make it whole and happy, once again, if it ever was.

That way, and so know nobody can guarantee that not even God guarantees that but my friend when wholesomeness and healing comes into your life no matter what's going on God will turn it all out for you. Good no matter what because here's what he says. He says in Romans 828 God is engineering our circumstances for our good and his glory.

It may be terrible circumstances, it may be difficult and painful and trying circumstances, God will turn it for you. Good if you want to acknowledge your responsibility, determined to get to the root cause seek godly counsel and follow the godly counsel surrender yourself entirely completed to God and trusting, he will turn it for good. And when Paul said when I grew up, I put away childish things.

I was in the city.

My friend, as long as you hold onto those childish ways and a lot of good things that you learn going out but there are those devastating roots are poisoned, they will devastate and destroy relationships unless there there will what is it all began. His riddle begins.

It all begins with when you place your trust in Jesus Christ as your personal savior surrendering your life to him that step number 112 77 like to him by faith then allowed God to begin to work and go through as we said, acknowledging it is something inside of me that's not right, determined upon the root godly counsel's full surrender and trust in him there is no absolute telling what God may possibly do in your life. As a result of one thing for certain, he will heal you. He will make you the kind of person that he created you to be. He will grow you up emotionally, spiritually as well as the physical and you can become a whole person and my friend. None of us will experience the peace and the joy that God wants us to have and have that sense of wholeness until we are willing to look on the inside and let God deal with the roots that we developed were handed to us given to us as children. He said I put away childish things. I was willing to deal with them now. He says I'm a whole person.

All of us want to be whole for assay the sake of those around us.

The glory of God.

And it's yours for the asking. Thank you for listening to labs hidden enemy. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley were intense ministries, nine intense tantalizing podcast is a presentation of intense ministries Atlanta, Georgia

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