Peace with One Another - Part 1

Welcome to this weekend's In Touch Podcast with Charles Stanley. What do you do when someone opposes you in a crucial matter or disagrees with you in anger? Today's podcast helps by giving us a lesson in cultivating peace with one another. Would you consider the environment in which you live and which you work a peaceful environment? Or would you have to say, no, it is an environment of conflict. There's contention. There is a sense of resentment that I feel.

There's discord. There's anger and sometimes hostility. Well, if that's the kind of environment you live in, then it's not a happy environment. And if it's not a happy environment, more than likely you're feeling hurt.

And it could be that you could feel harm and certainly heartbreak. And the question is, why do we have to live like that? Why can't we have peace with each other? Well, that's what I want to talk about in this message. And I want you to turn, if you will, to the book of Romans, because the Apostle Paul gives us some very clear instruction here that I think would be good for all of us to consider at this time. And in this message, I'm talking about personal relationships.

I'm not talking about nations warring against each other. I'm talking about personal relationships. And in this 12th chapter of Romans, he is admonishing us how we are to treat one another. And I want us to come down to this 17th verse and listen to what he says when he says, Never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men.

If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God. For when His written vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. But if your enemy is hungry, feed him.

If he's thirsty, give him a drink. For in so doing, you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Now, it's very interesting in the Scriptures that God gives us very clear instructions how we treat each other. And I want you to notice primarily this 18th verse when he says, If possible, so far as it depends upon you, be at peace with all men. The implication is that it may not always be possible.

The implication is you may not be able to do it. So let's look at this passage of Scripture with the whole idea of living with peace and in peace with one another. And I want to take you through some verses of Scripture just to give you a little idea how very important this is because so many times God mentions it. And I want you to turn first of all to the Mark, the ninth chapter and the 50th verse.

And we'll come back to that in a few moments because I want to explain it later. But listen to what he says. He says, Salt is good, but if the salt becomes unsalty, with what will you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves and be at peace with one another. So Jesus is telling us to be at peace with one another. In 2 Corinthians chapter thirteen, verse eleven, again, here's an admonition. He says to us, He says, Finally, brethren, rejoice, be made complete, be comforted, be like-minded, live in peace, and the God of love and peace will be with you. And in Ephesians chapter four, verse three, speaking of the whole church and writing to the Ephesian Christians, He said, Therefore I, the prisoner of the Lord, implore you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you've been called.

How is that? We're to walk in all humility and gentleness with patience, showing tolerance for one another in love, being diligent, that's working hard at it, to preserve the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Now there are lots of verses about living in peace with each other and so we know from God's Word, it certainly is His will, His choice, His desire that you and I live at peace with each other. Does He really and truly expect you and me to live at peace with everyone else? No, He does not. It's His desire but He knows that we're not going to do that.

Does that mean His desire ceases? No, He just knows human nature. And so let's think about the challenge we face. Here's the challenge we face and that is we live in a world wherein every single person in this world has been corrupted by, that is infected by a sinful nature, whereby we have responded in this fashion. We're in conflict with God, we're in conflict with ourselves and we're in conflict with other people. So how can we be expected to live at peace when everyone has been corrupted by an old sinful nature and only those of us who have trusted the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Savior have the power within us to live a peaceable life, at least with most people, when if people act their normal way, if they act according to their humanness, according to their carnal nature, they're certainly not going to have that kind of attitude. So we have to ask ourselves the question, what's the problem?

Why can't we do it? Well, there are some surface answers that people usually give. They think, well, now this is the reason. There's naturally going to be personality conflicts.

You know what? It's nothing wrong with him or nothing wrong with me, but I just don't like him and I can't get along with him and so forget it. Well, I can understand people having personality conflicts, but you know what? You can have a personality conflict without having a war between you. You can have personality conflicts and accept the fact, you know, that's who you are, that's the way you think, this is who I am, this is the way I think and so, you know, we can still be friends or we can still get along. We don't have to shut each other out and tear each other down. So sometimes people think, well, it's personality differences and God doesn't expect me to get along with people whose personality is different from mine.

Yes, He does. Somebody says, well, the problem is we have conflicts in our beliefs. Well, I certainly understand that. You can have conflicts in your theological beliefs. You can have conflicts in your political opinions and beliefs. Here's a Democrat and a Republican and someone who's neutral and whatever it might be and we all have our opinions and our ideas about that, but why can't we live with each other? And so somebody says, well, we have belief differences.

Well, I understand that. So why don't you just be able to believe what you want to believe and just consider that they're wrong and just move on in life and just live your life. Why do you have to fight them? Why do you have to tear someone else down and criticize them and gossip against them simply because you don't particularly agree with them? Well, you know, sometimes it could be that we're wrong. How many of us would have to admit that after more consideration and discovering more information, we had to say, you know what, you were right and I was wrong.

Is there a sin in admitting you're wrong? No, because the truth is all of us have been and will be wrong about things in our life. We thought we had all the facts and we knew exactly what to do and exactly how things ought to go. So somebody says, well, the problem is just the personality differences. The problem is our belief system is different.

We just don't believe the same way. Or it could be that we have conflicts in our behavior. Some people think it's right to do this. Some people do not think it's right to do that. Some people say, well, it's not a matter of right and wrong, but it's not wise. Or someone else says, well, this is just the way I am and this is the way I feel and this is the way I believe and this is the way I operate and I, I, I, I. And so someone else says, well, that may be all right for you, but I can't accept that and so what happens? Instead of being able to live at peace, there's criticism. Instead of building each other up, finding what the problem is, is tearing each other down.

And then oftentimes the problem is just a matter of communication. That is, I heard what you said. No, you heard what you think I said. No, this is what I said.

No, that's not what you said. And so the truth is you and I can make it very clear what we say, but the person who hears us doesn't necessarily know what we say. They hear what they wanted to hear or they thought they heard and they interpret everything from their background, their perspective and their viewpoint of things. And so oftentimes it's a matter of miscommunication.

For example, I may to the best of my God-given ability explain the passage of Scripture, explain it as simply as I know how, help you to understand exactly what the Lord Jesus Christ said, and you may hear it from an absolutely totally different background. You may have come from a very legalistic background where it's all black and white cutting down the middle drive, right or wrong, and this view or that view and there's nothing gray and no in-between. So that no matter what I may say, as far as you're concerned, that wasn't right, because you're interpreting it from a very legalistic viewpoint that leaves no room for the grace of God. And so oftentimes it's miscommunication, it's misunderstanding, and sometimes it's just a matter of disagreement. Well, if all Christians have to believe exactly the same thing about every passage of Scripture, woe be unto the church, because we will not always agree that in fact there are some subjects that the body of Christ will never agree on. They'll never agree on.

You don't have to make enemies that way. You can still be at peace with disagreements. And yet some people cannot. They have to be right.

Their pride and their arrogance is such that they have to be absolutely right no matter what happens. And so these are all surface reasons. But people, listen, they lose their marriage over surface reasons. They lose their children over surface reasons.

They lose their job, their friend, because they can't get past. Well, I don't believe the way you believe and I don't act the way you act. And you didn't hear what I said. You thought you heard what I said, but here's what I said. And you interpreted totally different.

You know what? They divide their homes. They divide their friendships.

They lose their jobs. Why can't we just live peaceably with one another? Well, I want to tell you what the problem is. The problem is not any of that.

These are all surface reasons. And if you want to find out what the real problem is, turn to Galatians chapter five. Galatians chapter five, and here's what you'll discover. Because the apostle Paul in this fifth chapter tells us what the bottom line is.

This is the reason we're not living at peace with each other. So he says, beginning in verse nineteen, remember now, that doesn't mean that all of these reasons are always the same, but some of them. He says, for example, now the deeds of the flesh, now the flesh is our naturalness, our humanness. That is, the flesh is the way a person acts when their own selfishness and self-centeredness and egotism and pride are ruling and reigning in their life. And so here's what he says. Now he says, the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are immorality, impurity, sensuality, adulterous, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, outburst of anger, disputes, dissensions, and factions.

You know what the problem is? The problem is we allow our naturalness, our humanness, our self-centeredness, our selfishness, our pride, we want it our way. And because we have a sinfulness within us that is ready and willing to pop up and claim dominance over our life at any moment, we have to deal with that. And those of us who are believers have trusted the Lord Jesus Christ as our personal Savior. We have the Holy Spirit living on the inside of us, and the truth is we do have the power and the capacity to live a godly life with most people most of the time. Now you say, you mean to tell me that even though you're Christian that you can't always live peacefully with everyone? Listen to what He said.

Back again to Romans in this 12th chapter. He says, if possible, the implication is that it's not always possible. If possible, so far as it depends on you, you can't control someone else's life. If possible, so far as it depends upon you, we are to live, He says, with peace with all men. And so the problem is we have this sinfulness within us, our capacity, our propensity towards sin, our humanness, our naturalness. When the Spirit of God is not in control of our life, what are we doing?

We're just acting out our normalness just like the unbeliever does. And so that's the major root cause. And because that's the root cause, that's what we have to deal with. So there will be differences, there'll always be differences, and we have to decide, do we want peace or do we not? And you see, the truth is that's a choice we make. It's a choice you and I make whether we want to live in peace or whether we do not want to live in peace. Now, with that in mind, let's think about the course of action that you and I should take when we really and truly desire to live in peace with someone or some group of people or whatever it might be. Now, let's decide, first of all, that we are going to live in peace with someone.

We really desire to do that. And so we have an argument or a problem, a major problem that comes up. How do we deal with this?

I want you to list these things because they're very important, very simple, but not always easy to do. Now, if you're going to live at peace with someone and there is a dispute, no matter what it is, it can be very, very difficult and complicated or it could be something not so difficult and complicated. The will of God is that you and I be at peace with that person. Here's the first issue. You listen and say amen.

Here's the first issue. The first issue I have to decide is this. Is this relationship valuable enough to me that I want to preserve this relationship by learning to live in peace with this person or with these people? Number one question, do I value this relationship? Do I value it enough that I'm willing to learn how to live in peace with this person? If you don't place any value on it, if you say, well, you know what, this friendship's okay, but it's not worth it, then my friend, what you've done is you have pulled down the shade. You've built up the wall.

You've closed the curtains. And what you're saying is I don't want peace. I don't want this kind of relationship. But let's say, for example, you say yes to that question. Yes, this relationship is valuable enough for me to save it if I possibly can.

It's valuable enough for me to do whatever is necessary for me to do. So that's number one. So you've settled that issue. Second step is this, start talking. You say, well, that's the problem, there's too much talking.

Oh, now watch this. When two people are talking and they're willing to keep on talking, and number three, they're willing to keep on listening, it's not enough to talk. I must be willing to learn how to listen. If I value the relationship and I'm willing to talk about the disagreement, lay it on the table, put it out there. I'm willing to talk about it and I'm willing to listen to the other person. You see, when people stop talking, it's all over. You've got to be willing to keep talking.

You've got to be willing to keep listening. And you see, next, you've got to be willing to be honest, open and transparent. That is, you know what, I do make mistakes.

I could be wrong about this. I have a weakness at this point in my life. I know that sometimes I'm not right and maybe I think I'm right here, but you know, it's possible that I'm not right. And so what you have to do is be open and transparent and honest and then here is the major issue. You have to get to the root cause. What is, that is, what is the real issue between us? Not some surface idea, what's the real issue?

What's the bottom line? Why is it that we can't have peace with each other? Is it something back in our past? Is it something really we're doing now? Is it the way we think?

Have we been so taught as kids growing up that this is what you should expect? In other words, what is the root cause? Now, you see, that's the thing that oftentimes is difficult to arrive at.

What's the root cause? And if a person says, well, the root cause is because you, then more than likely, shade comes down, wall goes up, curtains get drawn. That's not the way to do it. We said being open, honest and transparent. Being willing to admit, you know, that I could be wrong. But you see, if I'm willing, if I'm willing, really and truly willing to search for the root cause, then what I'm saying is, you know, maybe I don't know why we're not getting along.

Maybe I don't know, but I'm willing to find out. Find the root cause because there is one. There may be more than one thing, but find it. And you see, you will search for it on the basis of the value you place on that relationship. And if you love that person, listen, don't tell me you love somebody but you're not willing to find the root cause. Don't tell me you love somebody but you're not willing to talk. Don't say, yes, I love that person, but. If you have to put a but behind your love, more than likely you just cancel what you said. It's not I love you but. And it's not I love you if.

That puts it all conditional. But you're willing to find out what the root cause is. Now, once you find out what it is, you are willing, listen, you say, I'm willing to work at this. I see my part of this. It may be from your perspective that most of it's the other person's fault, but don't tell them that. You say, you know what, I'm going to work at this.

Let's work at this together. Now, I do believe that because believers are filled with the Holy Spirit, you just think about this for a moment. If two people, both of whom are saved by the grace of God, indwelt by the same Holy Spirit who is not, listen, the Holy Spirit in him is not going to be in disagreement with the Holy Spirit in her. Now, their humanness may say we're in disagreement, but the Holy Spirit's not going to be in disagreement.

So, at some point, if we're genuinely and truly, really and truly honest about our value of that relationship, we're going to work at it, and we're going to make it work. Thank you for listening to Peace with One Another. If you'd like to know more about Charles Stanley or InTouch Ministries, stop by InTouch.org. This podcast is a presentation of InTouch Ministries, Atlanta, Georgia.