Pastor Steve Goode

Not key to Kolov, the Russian nightmare.

No, the devil's nightmare here. From its time to man up. Challenging men to step into their true manhood. Your chosen Truth Network Podcast is starting in just a few seconds. Enjoy it.

Share it. But most of all, thank you for listening to the Truth Podcast Network. If not for God with Mike Zwick. Today we have a very, very special guest, Pastor Steve Goode. He is the lead pastor at Northside Baptist Church in Greensboro on Cornwallis and I actually spoke at his church yesterday and had a really, really good time there. There's wonderful people over there.

If you're looking for a church home, check out Northside Baptist Church over in Greensboro, North Carolina. And Pastor Steve actually wrote a book. It's called Marriage Triage.

And the name that you're going to want to look under is Stephen Goode. S-T-E-P-H-E-N-G-O-O-D-E-N. And I read the book and I really liked it. But Pastor Steve, you said that in the book it's not just for the people who are having a few problems.

No, no. In fact, sometimes I feel like I limited myself. We called it Marriage Triage because it's about life triage. Life triage.

There are so many people out there that when you go through circumstances in your life, you then all of a sudden get stuck and you don't know what to do next. And also when you're at the lowest point, sometimes you can make the most stupid choices. I know you never have.

Never done that. What are you talking about? We can do some stupid things. But the point is when we're at those lowest moments as Christians, as believers, because the book really is written toward a believer's viewpoint or a believer in Christ, their viewpoint. But when you get to that point, you need to be saying, okay, God, how am I supposed to walk through this? I mean, I'm hurting like crazy. I don't know what to do.

How am I going to walk through this? Even James. James is one of my favorite books of the Bible. It's probably because my mom used to make me read it every time I talk back to her.

So I've read the book of James probably more than Charles Stanley and David Jeremiah combined. Not for good reasons. But it says, count it all joy when you go through various trials, because as you go through those trials, it says, you're going to go through and learn something of patience. You know what they always say, never pray for patience.

He'll give it to you, right? Yes. But it says that there's this perfecting that occurs. I call it refinement that occurs in our life when we walk through those trials.

Okay. But if as a believer, we are being told we're going to walk through trials, they're going to happen, then there must be a way that God wants us to enter into and experience that trial. And we need to make the right choices. So with marriage triage, I said, okay, you know, when you're at the lowest point in your life, let's say your marriage is like at that crossroads or when things have started to go south, then how do you not make decisions and choices that decimate the chance of you coming and having reconciliation with your spouse?

How do you how do you stop and go, God, you know, before I start reacting and being really mean and angry, how do you want me to respond so that the the book takes a person through how to respond the way that would honor God and at the same time leave the door open? And just just if there's that chance for reconciliation, it leaves the door open for it. I believe it's in maybe in the book of Malachi, but where God says he actually hates divorce. And so, you know, I think a lot of times when people think about divorce, they go, well, you know, we're not getting along or it didn't work out or, you know, it's it's I've heard people say this. Well, it's just a sheet of paper.

It's not just a sheet of paper. I mean, it's it's it's a commitment that we make for for life. And so, you know, they used to say this. I don't know if they say this anymore, but they used to say at the marriage they would say for better or for worse, your sickness and in health till death do us part.

And I don't even think they say that in a lot of places anymore. Well, well, tell you what, if a couple ever came to me and said, I need you to take that part out, that's not happening. That'd be the end of it. Right. The deal breaker. Guys, you know, you're setting yourself up. Oh, so for better, for better, for better, for better.

And that doesn't work. No, but what they need to realize, too, is, you know what? I've had couples come to me before that have had infidelity and and had to counsel couples through infidelity. And if you think about this, you know, I've had a husband, I've had husbands come to me going, now here's where we are. But, you know, my wife wants to reconcile now that she is cheated on me. And I've had this from both sides.

I don't want to pick on husbands or wives. So I and so and I'm looking at them going, man, that's awesome. That's awesome. You know, I'm glad this happened to you. Like, what are you talking about?

My husband just, you know, but I said, don't you understand? How can you know if your love was ever if your love's never tested? How do you know it's real?

You know, if if you if you go around and play the unicorns and rainbows game all the time, that's not real. But when you come to a fiery trial in your marriage, then then and you have to look your spouse in the eye and you have to to offer your hand in forgiveness. And that right there, that's when you can be taught what real love is. Couples that never go through those things in their marriage and never have this kind of test can't have the depth of love that marriages have that have had all of these fiery trials in their marriages. That that's how that's how you grow deeper in your walk. When you when you have to go through these hard times in your marriages and nobody wants to go through these things.

But if you have to go through them, why why should it not have something cause something in your life that that can make you better, that can make you a better believer, a better Christian, you know, love your spouse more, you know? Yeah, that's true. And we were at the actually we were at the abortion clinic, this past Saturday. And I know you're there a lot. And there's a guy named Tim. I think you're friends with him. Is that right? And he's there, I think not only on Saturdays, but I think every day during the week. And a lot of times you'll see his face and he kind of has a sad countenance.

I mean, because he sees what's going on constantly and he's dealing with it. But the good news is, is that there were two women who turned around and decided not to kill their babies, not to have an abortion. Wasn't that amazing?

It was absolutely amazing. And, you know, what I was thinking of is that, you know, it's and I think this is the verse I actually read. It's Ephesians 6, starting in verse 10. It says, Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of his might, put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the walls of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

Wherefore, take unto unto you the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all to stand, stand therefore having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness, and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. And so when you said that, it really resonated with me. And just to clarify, you're not telling anybody to go out and having an affair, you know. And for the people who have never gone through that, that is awesome, you know. And I, you know, I personally haven't dealt with that myself, and I know, but a lot of people that we know have.

And so if you've dealt with that, and if you're dealing with that, and if you do have a spouse who is truly repentant, and is sorry, and wants to work things out, that's better than a lot of people. Because I've met a lot of spouses who, no lady in Burlington right now, who her husband had been cheating on her for years. He didn't care. She was trying to work it out. And he didn't want to stop doing what he was doing. And she shouldn't have been the one who was trying to work it out while he was just running around. And so he finally asked her for a divorce. So, you know, I do believe that sometimes God intervenes, but sometimes we do have a battle on our hands.

And, you know, it's interesting, whether it's, you know, I think maybe one of the reasons why people may not want to work out their marriage, or why they may not even want to come and pray outside of the abortion clinic, is because sometimes there is a fight that's on our hands. I heard a story about a kid who was getting bullied every day, and the bully was taking away his lunch money. He took a dollar a day, and he took away five dollars a week. And so he was really upset, and he said, there's nothing I could do. He said, so all of a sudden he saw that there were these karate lessons that were available for him. And he got really excited, and he was about to go start doing the karate, but then he found out that the karate lessons were five dollars a week. So he said, I'll just give the five dollars to the bully. So, you know, that's somebody who's not willing to take up the fight.

That's somebody who's not, doesn't realize that they've got a fight on their hands. Conversely, I heard a, and this is a true story about a kid who was up in New York City, and he has these two guys who came up to him with a gun in their hands, and they were going to rob him. And they came up, and they said, now we're going to rob you right now. You give us your, give us your wallet. And he says, no, I'm not going to give you my wallet. Give us your wallet.

No. And all of a sudden, and this is true, they started to fight him. They tried to grab his wallet, and all of a sudden there were bystanders who saw what was going on, and they were able to break it up, and the robbers ran away. And so they interviewed him, a reporter, and they said, why, why would you not give up your wallet? And the kid said, because I had my learner's permit in there.

That's not worth your life. So kids, if somebody, somebody robs you and you have a learner's permit in there, give them your wallet. And I know you worked for the police, and you would tell them the same thing, but I do believe, and I am with you 100%, that we do have a fighter on our hands, and we have to realize that there is an enemy. And so when you've done spiritual counseling, and when you've talked about this in your book, how do you handle the battle?

Or how do you tell people to handle the battle? Well, that's, that's a loaded question. Because, you know, first of all, it is, for a believer, it is, there is a spiritual battle going on, even in their marriage. And we know the number one reason that marriages fail starts with the number one thing, selfishness, that people begin to look inwardly to go, you know, it's about this is about my happiness. Gary Thomas said it best when he said, what, what if marriage wasn't about our happiness?

What was about what if we understood it was about our holiness, you know, that it was about something bigger. But when a spouse, the first thing a spouse must do when they enter into this whole battle, so to speak, and when they come in, and a lot of times, by the way, remember, spouses are not coming with each other to come get counseling about their marriage, even in this is crazy. It's usually one spouse coming because only one spouse is at that moment, trying to figure out what to do.

Yeah, they're at the point of decision. But you have to get them in the mindset to right from the get go to say that, you know, regardless of what happens in my marriage, regardless of the direction this goes, they have to do a Colossians three 23 approach and realize whatever I'm going to do, I'm going to do this all to God's glory, not not to mine, as under as under God, they have to start looking toward their spouse, like they're looking through them, because Jesus is on the other side of it, they're just kind of, you know, refereeing him, he's there for them. But when our spouse is being resentful, hateful, and all these things, we must understand that, that we're not really doing it for our spouse, we're doing it for God, where everything that we do is a gift as an offering up into God.

And if we start seeing things from that perspective, that's when we're able to go to Ephesians five, and start to read through the some of the things about marriage and about how to treat our spouse, that we can begin to live those things out. But the first thing we need to do into entering into the battle is to understand the objective is to honor God, regardless of the outcome. Okay, and here's the part about that outcome thing. So if I'm going to do this, regardless of the outcome, it means that there could be two outcomes to this, either my spouse is going to reconcile with me, and things are going to come back together, or my spouse is going to leave, or we're not going to get back together, it's not, it's something's going to happen, we're not going to be back together. But it doesn't change, either way that it happens, it doesn't change the fact that it's all about honoring God in what you do. So because we can't always control outcomes, we can't control our sinful man is sinful man, we can't control all outcomes.

But we can control our response to those outcomes. Yeah, and you know, one of the things when you're, when you're talking about this, Pastor Steve is, as I'm thinking about what you're saying is, is that a lot of times when people will come to you, and they may be trying to work it out, that they don't know the outcome, they don't know what the end result is. And, you know, one of the things that I'm reminded of is, is what it takes a little bit of is Hebrews 11, where it says that now faith is a substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen, for by the elders obtained a good testimony. By faith, we understand that the worlds were framed by the Word of God, so that the things which were, which are seen, were not made of things which are visible. By faith, Abel offered to God a more excellent sacrifice than Cain, through which he obtained witness that he was righteous. God testifying of his gifts, and through it, he being dead, still speaks.

By faith, Enoch was taken away so that he did not see death, and was not found because God had taken him. For before he was taken, he had this testimony, that he pleased God. And here it is, verse six, but without faith, it is impossible to please him.

For he who comes to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him. And I'm reminded of, it was Daniel chapter three, we were talking about this recently, where when Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, they came up to Nebuchadnezzar, and they said, and he said, all you have to do is bow down, and he said, we don't need to answer you in this matter. He said, God will, they said, God will save us in this matter.

And they said, but even if he doesn't, we're not going to bow down. So what they did was they really had some faith there. I mean, we look at the story right now, we look at the end of the story, and we see that it worked out. But, you know, I guess it was, I'm sure there have been some people that you've counseled where they've worked, you know, one of the spouses has worked really hard, and it still ended up not working out. But I guess it kind of goes back to that Theodore Roosevelt quote that I talked about yesterday, where, you know, at least they gave it their best shot. You know, they tried as best they could. And, you know, I think one of the reasons why people don't try as much as they should, Pastor Steve, is because they say, well, if I try really hard, it may not work out.

And so it's almost easier for them to say, throw their hands in the air and give up, because then they're not going to be disappointed. But on the other hand, I'm sure you've seen some stories where it has worked out, right? Yes, I have. And by the way, I want to qualify something with what we're saying also. And I say I even qualify this in the book. And that's when I was in law enforcement, I would say this to any any spouse out there. If you are, I say this to ladies, wives, if your husband's beating on you, get out.

That's that's that's my advice. Get out. You do not have to take that kind of abuse ever. So get out of the house. And I always say it this way, love him from a distance.

Right. But you don't you get you either get out or get him out, but you do not have to put up with that. You do not tolerate it. That husband right there is not honoring God in anything that he's doing. And get out, get out saving and do it for the sake of kids.

Do it for the sake. But but an abusive husband, if you if, in fact, by the time I have been told about that abuse, it's been an ongoing thing. It's that's not the first time when it when I hear it from, especially if I hear it from a spouse, they come to me, you know, it's been going on for quite a while.

Yeah. So I'm saying just that you don't have to put up with that. We know that in mind, with that that component in mind, there are those times, though, in fact, where a spouse may go, what if my husband has has laid hands on me?

How do I treat it? And I just go down this road for a minute. And the first thing I would tell a spouse is get out, get get distance from from him. And then from there, you have the leverage to have that spouse. First of all, the spouse don't think twice about getting some sort of domestic violence order to protect yourself. And for that matter, don't don't ever think that that's not a good time to go and get law enforcement involved and hold them accountable for for that abuse, for that, those actions. You do not have to tolerate that. But on the same token, if a spouse ever gets the counseling and help that they need an abusive husband and then turns around and begins to go to counseling and begins to make improvements, I would even say to a spouse, then there is a proving period, a long proving period that would then have to happen and occur for the two to come back together. So that that's that's just one one situation there.

I think that spouses need to know that that you can still honor your husband from a distance and you can live out honoring him with him away because he cannot dishonor his vow to you if you just get him away. So well, and then here's and that's certainly true. And so you have to be safe and you have to be smart about this. And, you know, I believe in having faith. I also believe in that God has given us a sound mind. Yes. And it talks about that in the Bible and talks about renewing our mind. So, you know, we have to be smart about it.

We have to use common sense. Yes. And so that is certainly true. Here's another thing that I've heard kind of like that lady I was talking about with her husband kept running around and I actually know a gentleman who was married to a woman for 20 some years and she was a serial cheater. And so she kept doing it again and again. And then they finally got to the point where they got a divorce.

But let me ask you this, because this is what a lot of people say is, well, once a cheater, always a cheater. Now, well, that's back to where the Bible teaches us. And we know this. I know that's that's a loaded question, but we know Paul even said it, that if any man be in Christ, he's a new creature. Old things can pass away and the new things come. OK, so the transformed mind of a believer cannot stay and sit and be a part of continuing sin.

Can't happen. It's it's it's if you are in a sin that has enslaved you to the point you cannot leave it or anything else than that, then there is a real issue there. Now, I think there is an issue of the genuineness of that believer. And that is it's so important to understand that that you have a person who is not a genuine believer in Christ. They can sin without any sort of of life. They sin with license.

They just go. They can do it. But a true and genuine believer can make that change. Can it can turn and make that change a serial cheater, a serial cheater?

They need that still back to proving periods and accountability and everything else. That's that's one thing, someone especially. In other words, if the if a husband goes out and cheats on his wife and then the day after he goes to his wife going, hey, you know, that's in the past. That's in the past. You see an issue with that. OK, there's a problem there. You know, that was a long time ago.

It's like four hours ago. You know, there's a problem there. There's there is a chronic problem. And so it's it's back to when even in those situations where a spouse I do believe that a husband or a wife who is a chronic cheater that comes to comes to a repentance for that and then goes to that proving period and that gets the counseling they need and the accountability they need. I believe that anyone can make that change. But it's that's back to accountability. And I believe that they have to want to make the change. They do.

And I'll give you an example. The guy who he kept cheating again and again and again that the sad part about him was that he was a strong believer at one point. And he would I think he heard from the Lord. The Lord told him to go to another country and do a mission trip. He did that. And I mean, the Lord would just speak to him all the time.

And then he got caught up in this. And the last I heard was that he says, I don't even want to talk to any Christians. I don't want anybody to talk to me about Christianity at all.

I think he's just completely turned away from it. And, you know, it reminds me, I guess, is in John Chapter three, where Jesus said that that people love the darkness and they refuse to come into the light. And so that sin, I heard this years ago, that sin can actually lead to atheism because what how a lot of times we think it's an intellectual issue. We say, well, they read some book by Stephen Hawking or whatever, but usually it's not the case. What it is is that, you know, they'll go to college, they'll meet a girlfriend or a boyfriend, they'll start having sex and they'll say, I can't reconcile these two things. I can't continue to have sex outside of marriage, which I know is wrong, and continue to be a faith-filled Christian believer.

And so one of the two has to go. And thank God, some of them say, can't have sex anymore. That's great. But a lot of them will say, you know what, this Christianity thing just isn't true.

So they think it doesn't bother them as much. But that's a sad place to be. But the good news is, is that you have seen a lot of results and that there is redemption. I mean, you know, when I was talking to you this a little bit before, you know, we were talking about it and I said, you know, sometimes I'm going through something.

And, you know, I think that I'm the only person in the world who's having this problem, or I'm the only person in the world who could ever be going through something like this. But it actually talks about, Jesus talks about this in Luke 18. He says, two men went up into the temple to pray, the one a Pharisee and the other a publican. The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee that I am not as other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, even as this publican.

I fast twice in the week, I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican standing far off would not even lift up his eyes unto heaven, but smote upon his breast saying, God be merciful to me a sinner. Jesus said, the second guy went away justified. And so whether it's the work that you do with the homeless, we got about three minutes left, but whether it's the work that you do with the homeless, or whether it's, you know, you dealing with, you know, people who are doing things that seem to be really bad, I guess it kind of helps you to look at it from that second person's point of view and say, first of all, God have mercy on me a sinner. I know I'm not perfect. And then does it make it a little bit easier to pass on that grace? Oh, my word. Um, I think that's, that's one of the things I believe that it's a lot easier for me to go to a prison and minister to men in prison.

Okay. Then it is for me to go to a group of church people at times. And because they're, because there's almost that immunized thing. And a lot of them, you know, if you're raised in church, you really haven't, when you were raised in church, you have this like, kind of rose colored view of the world at moments to where you don't see the things that you have. Maybe you haven't fallen in a way that would make you look and view when you see someone else fall over here, that it would make you less judgmental if you've been through a hard road yourself. So for those that's, that's what I'm saying. When I go to, when I go to prisons, okay, you'll, you'll always have those in prison that go, I'm not supposed to be here. You'll have a few of those.

Okay. But you, when you work with people and you're around people that have fallen, right. Even the homeless are that are at the lowest point in their lives. Uh, and you see their testimony and see what God's brought them through and you see them rejoicing in their relationship with the Lord, even though they're at these low moments in their life and they're hurting and they, and they fallen in their drug and they've, they've been a drug addict or anything else. I think it should put in perspective the way that we approach this. So for me, that's for me that when I see people in the, on these, from all levels, and when you saw them, even in law enforcement, when you see people on all levels, it does begin to take that view that you may have that everything's okay. And that everybody's, you know, really, or even when you see people do egregious things, it makes you put things in perspective and realize, except for the grace of God, you know, except for my life, the way I was brought up and everything else, I could be right where they were. That's right.

And, and, you know, the one thing that I try not to say is, man, I may be bad, but at least I'm not that bad because basically if I say that I'm the first guy in that, right. I mean, and, uh, you know, I'm glad we could have you on today, pastor Steve, uh, if you guys can go to, uh, go check out Northside Baptist church. It's over in Greensboro on Cornwallis road. Uh, you check out their Facebook page. Um, pastor Steve does a lot of videos. He was a, uh, police and law enforcement for years.

And, uh, we thank God for, uh, our law enforcement officers who keep us safe. Um, and, uh, also check out if somebody wanted to check out the book, the book is marriage triage by Steven goo, S T E P H E N G O O D. Yeah. Christian book.com, uh, Amazon. You can still find it on Amazon right now. Um, so, uh, you can find it on all, all forums, all sources. Uh, in fact, if, in fact, if they go to, uh, Northside, Greensboro.com, uh, and, and drop me a line through Northside, Greensboro.com, uh, they can get a, they can get a copy from me if they're local.

Awesome. Thank you very much for coming on pastor, Steve, If Not for God. Imagine having peace of mind in these turbulent times, peace of mind may be the most valuable of all assets, feeling secure in your financial future is worth its weight in gold and in emotion. Liberty bankers insurance group can help provide you with that most precious life affirming sense of security. We work hard to create smart and innovative life health and financial plans that help ensure your family of not just the stability that you deserve, but the future potential you desire to create a generational legacy of peace of mind. Liberty bankers insurance group for life. Not all products available in all States. Visit LBIG.com for additional terms and conditions. This is the truth network.