He Is Real

This is the Truth Network. This is Darren Kuhn with the Masculine Journey Podcast, where we search the ancient paths to find ways that God brings light into a dark world and helps set men free from the struggles that we all face on a day-to-day basis. Your chosen Truth Network podcast is starting in just a few seconds. Enjoy it, share it, but most of all, thank you for listening and for choosing the Truth Podcast Network. Welcome to If Not Forgot.

Stories of hopelessness that turn to hope. Here is your host, Mike Zwick. Hey, good morning. This is Mike Zwick, and I am with my new friend, Jill Seamster, and she goes to our church, Just Like Jesus Ministries, over in Burlington, North Carolina. And Jill is absolutely on fire for Jesus Christ.

And I tell you what, God can use anyone, even somebody who was formerly on drugs, even someone who grew up without really any Christian training or not in a Christian home or anything like that. And he can turn the life around of anyone. And so this morning, if you've got your Bibles, and I hope you do, I've got James chapter 2. And it says, My brethren, have not the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ of glory with respect of persons. For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring and goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile raiment, and ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Him, sit thou here in a good place and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit under here under my footstool.

Are ye not then partial in yourselves and are become judges of evil thoughts? And I think sometimes we get in our Christian lives and we want to be around people who are successful, are doing well, or look good, or smell good, or all that stuff. But when I look in the word of God, I see Jesus hanging out with sinners, hanging out with the drug addicts, the prostitutes. And those sometimes are the people who are easier to reach than the successful businessman or the successful businesswoman who seem to have all their stuff together. But, Jill, you actually were not raised in a Christian home.

Is that right? No, I was not. We didn't attend church. My grandmother was in New York. She had attended Catholic church.

So when she would visit, there was a church in Durham as girls, that she would take us and we would get to wear our little lip gloss or lipstick, you know, and visit. My takeaway from that church was Communion And at that time we weren't allowed to take communion. And I agree now, knowing everything that I know in the Lord these days, that it wouldn't have been appropriate. I didn't know him the way I needed to. But as for the service itself, I didn't understand much of any of it.

So after that I started looking on my own. There was something inside of me my whole life. And I was yearning and I was hungry for something and I couldn't get close enough and I couldn't touch it and I didn't understand it.

So When my grandmother wasn't around, I had a friend of mine and her family attended. A church in Burlington, and I would go with them. And I didn't really have much takeaway there either.

However, Through the Lord, I got saved in that church. When I was young, and that family planted a seed in me that has been growing ever since. In between all of this, I ended up not attending so much with her. You know, you grow apart as you grow and you get older. And I found out about a Pentecostal church.

And this was around middle school. and they offered a bus to church.

So I said, Okay, I'm on it So they started picking me up. And I attended Pentecostal church. That was the first church I honestly felt the spirit in. To be honest, I felt it. I was moved.

People were alive in church. You weren't shushed. Um Then I moved up in a class. I was in the Sunday school classes there. And when I moved up, or right before I moved up to the oldest class there.

Um I started hearing more of what they believed and what I needed to do to be like-minded with them, as in clothes, hair, and things like that. For me at that age, it didn't mesh with me. I didn't feel like it was my place. I feel like that season, if you want to call it that, that season there had It's fulfilled its purpose. I had to do something different.

Steal a child one day license.

So here we go to where Alcohol. And drugs came into my life because how old were you in the alcohol influence, Kimmy? Alcohol had been in my life my whole life. It's been in my life my whole life. I can remember being three years old and going behind a recliner or something at a party and sipping it out of a can.

You know, I just always had a taste for it. It was what I always knew. Even as a child in high school, once I got a license, there would be parties in our yard or be visiting parties, you know, with our family. And I'd be with my friends hanging out on one side and they'd be on the other side. Before you knew it, you know, everyone was.

There was, can I say the drugs or just say use of drugs? Go ahead and use drugs.

Okay. I was smoking marijuana at the time. Uh Pretty much got up to smoke just to go to school. And then the evenings was drinking. And back then, it wasn't just beer.

We'd get a half gallon of Jim Beam white label in a two-liter of Mountain Dew, a Snickers, and a bag of Cheetos, and we would be high and we'd be drinking and partying. And that's what I did for years.

Now did your parents know about this? But they were going through at the same time in my home. It was utter turmoil. Um so My home was going through a lot of things. I won't discuss all of that today.

But I will say it wasn't easy. It was very hard for all the children. And by this time, I'd had two more siblings. I'm the oldest of four. They were nine and ten years younger than me.

And my parents had separated and they were going through a tough battle, and then my mom was involved with someone that you know, may have taken her from her family at times and I was kind of in the place to try to stick it together. This is just my story, how I felt at the time. And I got pretty frustrated with that 'cause I wanted to go do what I was doing.

So I did anyway.

So it caused a big r a big drift. I ended up leaving my house and found myself in the house of an older man that was sleeping with one of my friends from high school. At the time, we all thought it was cool because we could drink and smoke at his house and do whatever we wanted and hang out and have sex and do all of these things. Never did it appear to me to be totally inappropriate at how old he was compared to all of these kids hanging out in his house. Thank God.

Truthfully, by his grace, that I made it out of the house. The only way I got away from the house was growing up. I didn't feel very connected with my father. But once he had left and he was with this other woman, I had not even yet met. They came looking for me.

Because I'd left my mom's and they didn't know where I was. He found me with the police. I was in the house and the phone kept ringing. And back then, we didn't have cell phones. You know, it was an actual telephone.

I had to pick it up. I had to make the effort to pick that phone up. And I was like, oh my gosh, these people are never going to love me.

So They let it go. Him and the police called me out. And that was probably the first time I sat in the car and I was like, my daddy really cares for me. He loves me. He came and got me.

Little did I know it was the beginning of More trial. And more Everything at that time, everyone in my family was using drugs and drinking, you know, and then we still had all the young children. More pretty bad things happened in the family at that time as well. It took me. Yeah.

I went through, I got pregnant. At twenty. With my son. Prior to that, I had gotten pregnant at 18. And uh Had an abortion.

I did do that and go through that with my mother. I have been forgiven for that. I've never forgotten it. It lives with me all the time, and I celebrate and I cry around that time of the year every year. But going through all of these things, I look back like it really wasn't a big deal to me at the time, but it probably was.

Why was I drinking? Why was I smoking marijuana? Why was I putting my car in ditches on purpose to tell my parents I had an accident so I wouldn't have to go home so I could go party all night? Yeah. Um All through this time, I wasn't in the church, I wasn't seeking, I guess you could say I was dope.

And I still yet have not even. Been to the point of knowing what the hunger is, but I couldn't feel it anymore. I was numb.

So I got older. And before about the same time I graduated high school, if not before, I moved out. I just got my own place. My dad and his girlfriend, they were on their own road. Mom was on hers and I felt alone.

And so I got up my own place. And lo and behold, what came with it? Every sinner in school that had parents at home that wanted to hang out at my house.

So then we moved to one, a guy, a friend of mine. He was just a friend. His name was Greg. I've never forgotten him. This also ended up being one of the last times I seen them.

everyone was drinking liquor and partying and doing whatever and Next thing you know, he's trying to leave. I knew he had a knack for leaving and drinking and driving. I took his keys. He had a key in his truck. He leaves my house, has a horrible accident right up the street from my house.

The police call me because they find him. in the woods screaming my name. And the woman he hit had passed away.

So he thought I was with him in that car, and I thank Jesus every day that I didn't chase him any further than I did. He did survive, obviously. He was in the hospital the next day. I went to the crash site, collected all of his belongings that I could find and went to visit him, and I was not allowed to see him. His family wouldn't allow me.

and I've never seen him since.

So That again changed something in me as well.

So then, did I go dark or did I go lock? Did you feel responsible? I felt like. I was being blamed for it. But I didn't provide the alcohol for everyone.

Everybody had a way to get their own drugs and alcohol, they brought their own stuff. Um And I did my best to try to stop him. But you were being blamed for it. Yes. And it felt very horrible inside of me when I tried to visit him at the hospital and talk to him.

How old were you at this point? I was probably seven. I was 17 when I graduated, so 17. I might have been almost 18. I mean, so what happened after that at this point in your life?

After that, we turned to, I just kept going. At that time, I turned 18. I could get in clubs and bars, and that's what I did. Then I got older, and it wasn't until I was in my 30s, early 30s, I met someone, and he was a drug dealer. And here comes the cocaine.

So I did cocaine for about three or four years. I didn't smoke marijuana since I was, I graduated high school. I had stopped that, but drinking was always my drug of choice. Never left it alone. Literally Cocaine was taken from me.

I gave it up. I prayed for him to take the taste out of my mouth. I prayed for him to take the taste of alcohol out of my mouth. I prayed for him to take the cigarettes out of my mouth. And as of today, I'm not doing any of it.

The marijuana was the hardest thing because when I got a headache, it helped me. When I was tired and couldn't sleep, it helped me.

So that is still a more recent Probably the most recent thing that I let go, the alcohol and the cigarettes, have been gone. It's been a few months. I have it on my calendar. I didn't look, but they've been gone. Even if I break down and try, because we all do, we all fall back.

By His grace alone are we forgiven.

So, So the last time I attempted to drink I don't remember much of anything. It was a horrible day and night. My husband and I probably weren't getting along, and that's what I turned to. And um It was the confirmation that the Lord said, I told you you didn't need that. And I've not craved it since.

I've not craved. Any of it. He took it all, and I praise him every day 'cause without his grace and his mercy in my life That wouldn't be sitting here. There are so many more things that happen. That I don't know are appropriate to discuss on air, but I do know that without him he was with me the whole time, that that's what that was inside of me.

That was the yearning that I I belonged to him and he needed me. and I was stuck in the world. And I'm so thankful that I'm not there anymore. My life is completely changed. Inside of me is completely different.

My physical appearance feels different. The world is absolutely beautiful. What have I taken for granted my whole life? A whole lot of nothing. Those things were nothing.

Those things were keeping me from the glory that I feel now every day of my life when I wake up and thank Him for the first breath I take. That's what it done for me. I've learned now that all these hard times. were preparing me to be able to stand and be strong in his strength. To carry his will.

I can't look at people and tell them I love him and I've never had any struggles. Who would believe that? Who has not had a struggle? those that put on they have it. It's not the truth.

Everyone struggles. Everyone does. They deal with it differently. I'd rather worship Him, the one true God, my Father, my Holy Spirit, and Jesus that walked in flesh, that approved to me that they would go that distance just for me. They love me that much, than to turn to the things that numb me to the feeling that I feel now every day, especially knowing what it is.

It changed my life. And so you said you've kind of been in and out of a number of churches for years. When did you start going to Just Like Jesus in Burlington? Oh. I'll be honest, I was attending another church that I really felt good in.

And I had been to Just Like Jesus. My friend that I worked with attended there and Wendy, and they had been begging me to come. And when her father passed away, it was the first time I set foot inside the doors of that church. When did your father pass away? Wendy's dad.

Okay, so that was. Two years ago, maybe? That was the first time I I visited the church. And I say that visited because I wasn't committed to attending at the time, but I was committed to being there for her. If I'm not honest.

This doesn't work. Um but I came back. She'd been begging me and begging me and I was attending Triad uh fellowship. Loved the church. But something came to me one day and just said that the church was about to be under attack.

I texted the preacher and told him, and he said they were good, and you know, they've been doing great. I'm sure they're wonderful, but something for me had changed, and it wasn't. I wasn't Getting what I needed again at a point.

So Wendy had begged me and begged me, and I started attending. I don't know how many months it's been now. I think time goes by a lot faster now than I realize. We'll say maybe three to six months or so. That'll be fair.

Here's the thing that I was going to ask you: is because yes, you went through the drug addiction. You struggled with men. You struggled with alcohol. You had some stuff happen to you that it was, you know, was awful. I mean, that nobody had sexual abuse in my family.

You had what now? Sexual abuse. In my family, with siblings, and in my life, with people I thought I trusted.

So there was that as well. That's just as dark as heavy. I don't know what's appropriate for the radio, but you should know these things because I've gone through a lot of a very young age or the first one was two weeks for me before my 16th birthday.

Okay. And then another one in my early 20s, 21, 22. Yeah. And then uh Someone else in my family went through things at a very young age. and come out.

And they carry that with them. And we talk about that, and I pray about that. She's currently doing wonderful, has a humongous family. She's married, and between them both, well, almost married. And between them both, they got seven kids.

Yeah. So it's amazing what can be done no matter what you go through. He loves us enough to love us through it. He does. And then, and then, but something more recently happened to you where you really got on fire and the Lord really moved in your life.

What happened? I'm gonna tell you, it started at church with the deliverance I received. I received a deliverance at Just Like Jesus. When I started here, I finally fit in. I've not fit in anywhere in my life.

It is a prophetic ministry. That was different for me. That is what touched that feeling that was inside of me. I felt like I'd looked my whole life for that. And I was like, I'm not crazy.

I knew I was feeling something. This is it. And. I just don't know what came over me that morning. I just said, I need to pray.

I need someone to pray for me. And I was delivered that mornin'. And It took me about two days to recover. But even since then, I have been in my room. I've been out for a work injury for over a year, and I have spent my time with the Lord.

Not the first beginning. I spent my time in pain. Thankfully, I found the Lord, and He's had me in my bedroom. I've been there reading and worshiping and studying and praying and crying and laughing. And this church, you know, being there around like people, fellowship with people.

People that feel the Lord the way that I feel and can help me with my gifts and how to sharpen them and how to use the tools He's placed in my heart. I've not had that leadership in my life before, and I'm telling you, it's got me on fire. I don't feel alone, I feel excited to share the word and share my story. Um Yeah.

So that alone just It stirred me. It turned me a whole new direction. And since then, with all of my reading and praising and learning, he has come to me. I hear him. I have seen the Holy Spirit.

I feel him in my heart constantly. He stirs in me. You said you've seen the Holy Spirit. Closed my eyes literally yesterday while I was being beat down by the devil, so he thought. Um I had done my praying and my morning affirmation, and then I went and I did some singing worship and went back to my room.

And laid on my bed and I was just freezing. I was freezing cold, and I've been doing that. I'm either s super hot or freezing. When I tell you last night, I slept in a comfort hoodie suit. A t-shirt.

Two blankets. and postmenopausal. You understand when I tell you. I'm never cold. I closed my eyes.

and he stood there in a light. It comes to me as light. But it was dark 'cause my eyes are closed. But there's a light almost like blinds or a square in the shadow of the form right there standing there. As I was praying, come to me, Lord, come to me.

Show me what to say, what to do tomorrow. What is your will for me to do tomorrow? I seen that, and it all went away. Everything just went away. I I seen but I didn't hear anything at the time.

I just seen it. He came to me. It was confirmation for me. I was doing the right thing. This isn't for me.

what I told my husband in the beginning. It's not for you. It's not for me.

Someone in the world needs to hear something that's going to be said tomorrow. and if I don't do that I'm not doing his will.

So, absolutely. And so, you actually saw the Holy Spirit, which is pretty cool. Um, but in addition to that, you said the Lord has been working through you, even when you go out in the public. Is that right? Yes.

Um, matter of fact, after our prayer meeting the other day, I got home and I've been helping with the dogs at my neighbor's house. Um And a man walked up with a clipboard out of nowhere. I looked at the car in the front of the house and assumed that was his car. I knew logically it wasn't. It was my neighbor's daughter's car.

So then there was no car there. I don't know where he came from. I don't think I've even shared this with you yet, Mike. And he said he was there doing tax something and called me Alexis. I'm not her.

It's wild. I said not her, she's not here. and I can leave that in the house for if you would like. And he went to just measure the house around. When he walked up to her sidewalk, I seen his face and I didn't see his body, and something in me was like.

What's wrong? I didn't say anything. I didn't move yet. I left. I walked back home to my house next door.

Then I went out to mess with my plants and. I op come back up front for some reason. When I opened the door he was standing there. And he said he had to do our house next. He was going to measure and look at everything for taxes or whatever.

And I said, Of course you can. I have a question for you. Out of nowhere. He's said.

Okay, and he just stood like this, just like this if you can see me. and he said, What you got? I said, Do you know God? Just like that, out of nowhere, he said yes. I said, does he live in you?

His arms dropped. clipboard dropped and he said No I said, Can I hug you? He said yes, And I hugged him. When I stopped, he grabbed back. He wasn't ready to let go, and he kept hugging me.

And I said, The Lord has put a word on my heart for you. I cannot share it with everyone. The word was meant for him. And he said he backed up and he said, How did you know? How did I know what?

Okay. I still don't know what I was supposed I didn't know it wasn't. He knew that. He'd done that. That was on God.

So You know You might have a feeling and you don't understand it. Go with it. Walk with it, is all I can tell you. If you feel like saying hey to somebody, say hey. They might just need someone to talk to.

If you want to hug someone, hug them. I go to this Dollar General not far from my house. And when I go in there, I feel like most of the people at that point knew that I come in there and pray because I met a young man, Brian, and he does music for the Lord. He does worship music. He gave me his YouTube channel.

I checked it out. Not the same that I would worship to, but for him it's the way that he reaches and feels like he's close to the Lord. You know, it's not going to be the same for everyone. The only thing that's the same for everybody is that he's real and his love is real and he will live in us if we let him. And it's just everywhere I go, I feel like there's always something or someone I see.

that I have to touch. A lot of times for me it's a touch. And most words, when I speak and I feel that presence on me that strongly, I don't remember what I say to these people. I don't. And I have learned and found out, he's told me, you're not supposed to.

The word's not for you. I needed to tell them. And I thank him. And now I don't question it ever. I do it wherever I go.

If I hear him, or I have a feeling, or I see him, there was a. A homeless man in front of coals. I was told I stopped my car in the middle of the road, got out, went over to him. He was hungry. I said, I'll go get you some food.

I went to a drive-through, just picked something, brought it back for him. And then I said, Can I hug you, please? He said yes, and I gave him a big hug. And I left. I've never seen that man again.

You never know when you're entertaining the Lord either, folks. I'm just going to tell you, you never know because that man was parked halfway up my street yesterday, and I never seen him again after he left my front door and out of my backyard. This homeless man, you never know. When you're entertaining an angel or Jesus himself, He lives and walks this earth, folks. That's it.

You know, it says in Hebrews 13, it says, Let brotherly love continue. Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for thereby some have entertained others. Angels unawares. And so I was thinking about that when you were talking, and I was reminded. Years ago, I lived in Raleigh and I was in an apartment.

And I was sitting there one night, and I hear a voice without it, it wasn't audible, but I heard the Lord talking to me, and it said, you need to go get a Bible. And so I said, okay, I'll do that. Then the Lord says, no, you need to go get a Bible now. Right now. And so I drive over to Walmart.

I go up there, I walk into the door, and there's a guy sitting at the front door with a hat on that says, I love Jesus. And I said, I know such a hat. Yes, it is.

So I walk to the back of the store and I go over where the books are and where the Bibles are supposed to be. I walk up and down that aisle, up and down that aisle, look up and again. I can't find a Bible on that row. I go over to the clerk who's right over there, and I said, Excuse me, sir. I said, Do you know where the Bibles are?

And he goes, yeah, they're right where you just left on that row. And I literally, I go back to the row where I had searched up and down, and there was no Bible. And there were Bibles all over the place. And I brought it back and I said, I found it. Thank you.

There was a lady sitting with that clerk. She heard me say the whole thing. And she looked at me and she said, where did you get that Bible? She said, I need to get a Bible. There it is.

And I got the Bible and I ended up leaving. And when I left, I felt the Lord tell me to tell that guy with the I love Jesus hat, I love your hat. And he's, and I told him, I said, I like, I like your hat. And he looked at me and he goes, I love my hat. Yes.

That's amazing, isn't it?

So God can use anything, anywhere, and any place. Absolutely. And guys, we're going to keep going with this, but for the time's sake, we're going to stop here. Jill Seamster. Yes.

Jill, you've got a lot of good things coming to you. And thank you for answering the call and coming on the show. Yes. Thank you, Lord, for trusting me to deliver. If not for God.

All right, for my YouTube channel, if not for God with Mike Zwick. Just like, subscribe, and hit that notification bell.

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