Is It Wrong to be Angry?

This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Hope in the Morning, turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. Have you ever been in the midst of pain and found yourself feeling angry? Maybe you were angry at the person who caused your suffering, or angry at your circumstances, or perhaps you were even angry with God. I know I've had seasons like that in the midst of my grief, and today we're going to talk about what it looks like to take a biblical a biblical look at our anger.

Is it okay to be angry, or is it not? I'm joined today with one of our shepherds in the valleys, Todd Smith from Los Angeles, California. Thank you for joining us today, Todd. Absolutely, Emily. Thanks for having me on the podcast.

I've been looking forward to to hanging out here, so thank you. Yeah, yeah. You and I were just talking before we came on that this is this is an important topic, and it's a topic that I think our listeners might be surprised to know. How relevant it is to everybody that chances are, if you've been in a really hard season of grief, you've probably wrestled at some point with feelings of anger in one of those three categories that we talked about: either angry at someone who caused your suffering, or you're angry at your circumstances, or you're angry at God. Have you found that to be pretty true as a pastor that people come to you with that?

Yeah, I would say there would probably be even a fourth category when I look at it. Is you can be angry at yourself too. Of why did I do that? Why did I put myself in this position? And so you know, anger is an emotion that we we have naturally speaking.

It's obviously part of the fall where it's been tweaked. There's a there's a righteous anger that the Bible talks about, and so being angry at unjust circumstances. If hey you were wronged, that that's not that's not really the insidious anger that that we're trying to get at. But I find this very often. As I often say, if you want to see what's inside somebody, just bump them and see what spills out.

And anger does spill out often because, like you said, there's there's various reasons for the anger in the times of suffering or trial. For sure, yeah, yeah. I think we know this throughout scriptures that our trials refine us, and oftentimes the way that that refinement takes place is it brings up dross that does not look pretty. And it's things that we're not expecting, you know, things like feeling angry towards God for allowing a circumstance to happen. Most of us, when we're not in the thick of a trial, we would never think that we would respond that way.

And yet, God, God brings these things, these sinful heart motivations, actually to the surface, so that He can wipe them clean and make us reflect Christ's image more fully. How? How do you think? Like, how can we affirm to people that that their grief is legitimate, but still recognize the fact that our suffering can definitely tempt us toward a sinful response? That even even in circumstances where you are wronged and there can be a sense of justice, a sense of just anger, it can become sinful.

How how do we address that? How do we reconcile that? Yeah, I think a couple things immediately come to my mind is when when you're working with somebody, whether it be in a formal situation or just a casual friendship, that somebody's going through a hard time and there's anger, is one to be patient with them. Part of dealing with the anger is processing it and helping them come to an understanding that they've maybe crossed into a territory that is not healthy, not. Biblical and actually can be sinful, but that takes a lot of forbearance.

I think we often forget of the the process of forbearing with somebody, and we immediately want to correct the behavior, the anger, and and we don't give the space that they need to process it. and And so, a lot of times, just coming along a brother and sister and allowing them to process it out loud with you. And help them as they process it to come to their own ability to see the anger and go. Wait a minute, that's not good. And so, you know, to answer your question, I think a lot of it is taking the time with a person that has probably fallen into what I would refer to as probably despair.

I think that's where the anger part starts to come. I think the idea of being sad. Or depressed about a circumstance is not sinful. You know, hey, the situation is not good, and I don't like it.

Well, okay, that's that's not sinful. That's just being human. Where where maybe they've gone to a place of despair where there there is no hope in their mind, and that's where the breeding ground for anger usually starts to take hold. And so, I think you have to get them to start processing that. For so.

That they come to their own understanding of, hey, this isn't healthy for me, and that again takes a lot of time and patience on on the other person's part because we immediately want to fix them. We want to, you know, rush somebody off to Home Depot and get them fixed, you know, in in twenty minutes, and and that's just not that's just not real life. Yeah.

So I mean, practical terms, does that look like? Showing up at somebody's house or inviting them for coffee or something when you're when you know they're going through a really hard season and just. Listening and being mostly quiet. What does it look like in practical terms for us? Yeah, I think you know we all, me for sure, need to be very quick to listen because we want to find out what what's festering in somebody's heart.

I don't even understand my own heart, let alone somebody else's heart. And so, what I have to do is I have to start listening and listening for the triggers that have. Triggered this anger, and so it takes a lot of a lot of listening to what they're saying. It takes a a lot of probing questions, of of like you know, help me understand why why do you feel the way you're feeling right now, and and do you feel that you feeling that often, or is that is this sporadic, once in a while, and asking them how have you seen it manifest itself. In an ugly way, and and just again, getting them to process it out loud with you, I think is is so so important in in in the season of trials for somebody.

Yeah, approaching them with humility too. I think I think that ultimately is what keeps us from having a an initial mindset of condemnation. Because sometimes, I mean, dare I say, not even sometimes. A lot of times, we go into other people suffering and we think, I would have handled this better. A lot of times, you see them having things like depression or despair or anger, and it's easy to think, "I would never do that." I mean, look at Peter, who said to Jesus, "I would never deny you.

I would never do it." And Instead, if we can go in with that mindset of humility, of like you don't really know how you would handle that, but how would you want somebody to come alongside you and handle you in your fragility? I think there's a lot to be said for being quiet, like you were saying, Libby. And James talks about that. James talks about being being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger. Actually, is what James says, and So often we do that.

Just the opposite. We're quick to speak. We're quick to become angry, and we're slow to listen. Myself included. And I think I think with that too, a lot of what I've been contemplating this week is how how closely tied do you think anger is to fear?

That's a great. That's a great question. I think there, there maybe they could be two sides of the same coin in so many ways. When you're talking about a trial, a time of testing, there, there is that initial fear. I don't know.

I can't figure out. I didn't see this coming. I don't know what the MRI is going to say on Tuesday. And and that that's a breeding ground for fear, and and I think that's the gateway, if you will, that's the gateway to to anger. And one of the ways I try to help people deal with this up front is is dealing with the fear first.

Of going back to reminding them who they are in Christ, reminding them of the gospel itself, reminding them of the security that they have, the hope that they have in Christ. Because if if fear gets hold of their heart, you you better believe it. Right behind that is where where the anger can come from. Because we can throw up that card. This isn't fair.

Not fair. Fair, not fair, and and that really is coming out of a fear of I can't control the situation. Yeah, and that's why you know that's what trials are. I I can't control the situation. Yeah, and that's what makes the hard hard.

It makes me wonder, too, if fear almost become or not fear, but if anger almost becomes this. Defense shield that we throw up because we don't we don't want to be vulnerable to these situations that do make us vulnerable. And you're afraid. You're afraid of maybe what those results are going to be to that MRI. Maybe you're afraid.

I mean, I I know from hearing from so many people, and I experienced this when when my dad died too. Is that All of a sudden, you feel like nobody is safe. No one in your world is safe because you're like, "Wow, if that person can get sick so suddenly and die, or that person can get in a car crash and die," all of a sudden you have kind of this anxiety. Over the rest of your loved ones, and just thinking, who's who's next? What's next?

And I think that's a pretty human response for us. And yet, as believers, we're we're called to be something so other than what we are by nature, and that it's it's a hard calling. And that's why I think it's so important that we get involved with one another in our suffering. Because a lot of times we're not strong enough in the midst of our suffering to speak truth to ourselves, to realize that God really is using these things for good, even when it doesn't feel good. And so it's easy for us to get afraid and then throw that shield of fear up when God says, "Let me be your shield.

Be vulnerable. Bring your bring your prayers to me, and I will sustain you in those deep waters." We get afraid that maybe he won't, and what do we do if he doesn't? And I actually have a poem here that that I wanted to read this week because I think that it it speaks to how our emotions often can be overwhelming. In the midst of suffering, and it's called rain. And this is a poem that I wrote.

I don't think it's in our book, but I'm not 100 sure. But it says, "It's dark and dreary, and overhead the rain is flowing down. Upon your face is frightful dread as you wonder if you'll drown. But I am reaching down to you and will take you by the hand. I am the master of the storms, and I will help you stand." Fear not, for I am with you.

You need not be dismayed. I am your shelter from the thundering storm, and I bend down when you pray. Your sorrow is not unnoticed, nor is your fear unseen. Lay down your heavy burden and rest your soul in me. Let my feathers be your refuge, and know my promises will keep.

I will sustain you in the darkness, and I will uphold you in the deep.

So when your soul is weary from the raging sea, and when there's only pouring rain for as far as you can see, my child, do not lose faith and panic that you'll drown, for I will raise you up and set your foot on solid ground. And I think that that's part as we go into the break here. I think that that's part of where our fears can come from too. Is we fear like he's not seeing me, he's not here, he doesn't see me drowning, and does anybody else? See me drowning.

Does anybody else care? When we come back from the break, we're going to talk about how do we love our brother and sister. Do we admonish them when they're angry? Do we encourage them because they're faint-hearted? How do we handle that?

Join us again in a moment on Hope in the Morning. Do you have a testimony of hope? Perhaps you've walked through depression or addiction. Maybe you were diagnosed with a serious illness, or have suffered the life-altering death of a loved one. If you want to encourage others with your testimony and share the light of Jesus, visit hopeinthemorning.org and submit your story.

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Now, if you've lost a loved one, you can donate in their honor. Simply put their name in the memo portion of your donation, and we'll read these names on future episodes of Hope in the Morning. And may you be reminded of the goodness and faithfulness of God as you continue this episode of. Hope in the morning. John thirteen thirty five says, "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another." Do you know how to best love and serve your hurting brother or sister in Christ?

Listen to Hope in the Morning and be equipped to offer the hope of Jesus to every hurting heart. To learn more or to partner with our ministry, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. Welcome back to Hope in the Morning. In First Thessalonians five, it tells us, "It says, 'We urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the faint-hearted, help the weak, be patient with everyone.'" I think this is a this is a hard Verse sometimes to actually apply because it seems straightforward, but then in actually like an actual practical application, it can be tricky to know is this a circumstance where I need to admonish my brother or sister? Do they need encouragement?

Are are they are they faint hearted right now? And and then that reminder to be patient. Todd, how do we know when it crosses that line between they need this encouragement and we need to have extra grace for these these emotions, these big emotions that they're having, versus this is now crossed over to where I can see that that they are not honoring the Lord and they're they've crossed over into sinfulness, and this might require some admonishment. Yeah, yeah, no, it's a great question, and it's it's it's daily life is what you're talking about because we, we we run across these people in our relationships that are struggling. I can tell you personally, I've never struggled with not admonishing.

My my struggle is admonishing too quickly, and and too too fast. If the person really Is in a place of despair, a lack of hope, a lack of being able to see the future. Is I have to give them enough grace that in that moment, the best way I can describe it is they're blind. They can't see the future. They can't see the possibility of a good outcome.

They they see no way out, and. Before I admonished, I I really want to come in and be the eyes and ears for somebody and say to them, you can't see this right now. I I get that. Would you let me be your eyes? Would you let me be your ears right now?

And I'm asking you to trust me in this moment that I do see a way through this, and I do see that God's going to use this in your life.

So I try to give them, I try to give them some hope first before I come in with the admonishment. Admonishing is real easy. You're doing this wrong. And and it's quick, but it's not always helpful. And so, what I want to do is establish some trust with the person.

I want to build that in in the conversation so that they can trust me. Of like, hey, I can see this. I can hear this. I know you can't right now. And I have a friend who's blind, and you know, we always joke of, hey, hey, can't you see that?

Can't you, you know, can't you see that on the desk? And he's like, "No, I'm blind." And that's the way people get emotionally sometimes is the the emotion is taken over into them, and they're blind to seeing what you think is obvious. It's like David David in Psalm 13. You know, he cries out, "How long, O Lord? How long?

You know, how long are you going to keep letting me take it on the chin? And have you abandoned me? What is that telling me? That telling me he's blind." At that moment, he can't see it.

So what he needs is a is a brother to come alongside of him and say, "Let me be your eyes and ears," and and that whole listening. The big t here is two different types of listening. One is listening to respond, and t here is listening to understand. And in these situations, it's so easy to listen to respond. Versus to listen to understand, and I think that's what's needed in those moments: is that you you're willing to listen to understand what they're feeling, what they're going through.

Yeah, we we've had biblical counselors on this show before, and I've asked them the question before: How important do you think it is that that a counselor has some understanding? Of the grief or the trauma, the situation, from a personal standpoint of what that person is going through, and oftentimes we've actually been met with the answer that they don't think it's all that crucial. But I will say that I think one reason why people feel more comforted by a counselor or a friend or a pastor who has been through something similar. Is because they have that ear of understanding. They have that listening ear that sits there to understand.

They're not as quick to admonish, and it doesn't mean that admonishment is never necessary. But we we had a young lady on here, and her husband was hit by a drunk driver five weeks into their marriage, and she really suffered. Like she. She suffered tremendously with all kinds of different thoughts and struggled, and she lost some friends over it. Partly because her friends didn't know how to handle that.

She was young. She was in her twenties. But part of it was because she had friends that came alongside, and instead of saying, "I can't imagine what you're going through right now and how this must have just rocked your world and rocked everything." In your brain, your body, everything, your whole world, down to what you're thinking is true or is not true about God, and how you're wrestling with those things. Instead, they wanted to admonish her immediately about her having any kind of questions or any kind of of anger. And she can tell you now that yes, there were moments when she she was probably sinful in some of her reactions, but it's the friends who stuck by her.

Patiently, and over time, said, "You know, I know you're hurting, but I want to encourage you to look at it from this perspective because I think that you're allowing yourself to go down a path that's not pleasing to the Lord, and it's not going to benefit you. It's not going to increase your faith or draw you closer to the Lord." And she was thankful for those friends and those friends that tenderly admonished her. But I think that there there is something to be said for counselors who can come alongside and say, you know, I've been there, and I I remember how much that hurt, and even I mean, they they have said scientifically, you've heard the the whole phrase of like grief fog or like grief rain. It's a real thing. I mean, especially I've talked to so many widows on this program.

It's a very real thing. It's almost like you're Mind is so overwhelmed that you're not thinking straight, and and so if we can be aware of that, maybe we can have a little bit more grace for one another. Yeah, absolutely. Again, it comes back to that forbearance and patience on your on your part as the person coming alongside. And they're going to go through a lot of emotions.

You know, emotions, feelings are like buses. A new one comes every 20 minutes, and a good listener isn't going to be freaked out by that feeling or emotion. Is they're going to let them process through that, and and again that. Brain fog that you you talk about is real. You know, it's a shock to the system, and I think God has hardwired us as a a way of protection for us too.

Is that we we don't feel everything at once. It our our mind's literally shut down or shut off out of self preservation. And so when we're talking about somebody in real despair, it's going to take real time. And again, admonishment is easy. The hard part is is walking with them through the grief.

You know, Psalm twenty three. You you walk through the valley. You don't helicopter out. You know, there is no fast way out of it. And if you are going to walk with somebody, you got to be willing to walk the full valley with them, and and allow them to to process those things.

I think, as the person too that's going to come alongside the one that's grieving. It's important to understand that those emotions are not all linear. Like there, there's going to be pit stops and and backtracking on a pretty consistent basis. And so, being prepared for that, being prepared to be someone who can be steady of mind and not be taken aback. That why are you crying about this right now?

It's been four years, and unfortunately, so many people do that. They think, oh, it's been two, three, four, five. Years. Why are you crying? Why are you still struggling?

Why are you struggling with anger this many years later? And they they don't understand the fact that grief is something that you learn to live with the rest of your life. It doesn't. The grief doesn't get smaller, but you learn to carry it better. And as a believer, you learn to put it in the Lord's hands and It doesn't mean that the grief isn't there.

It doesn't mean that you don't hurt. That you don't have things that remind you of them, or questions that come up all of a sudden, and you think, "Why, God? Why? Why did you allow that? Why is?

Why is that not my life when I thought that was going to be my life?" That's just—it's human, and and so to walk alongside one another in humanity. How how much do you think that can actually grow the life, the spiritual life of the person who is walking alongside the griefer? I think exponentially. I, I, I'm the benefactor of walking with people through grief and trials and testing.

Sometimes I feel like the Lord teaches me, ends up teaching me more than He does the person that's actually in the midst of the grief, because there's just a tremendous benefit that I see the Lord working in somebody's life and in real time and. I get to I get a front row seat to seeing God, you know, shave off some of the rough edges of of somebody's life to to purify them as Job says, come forth as gold.

Well, I get to watch that happen, and and that is great encouragement to me in my own trials. Of hey, Todd, do you believe everything you're telling everybody else? And so I think there is such a Huge benefit to be willing to walk that road with somebody, because God will use that absolutely in your life. I couldn't agree with you more, and I think when when you walk faithfully beside other people. It encourages or you exponentially when you go through a trial, and you will.

I mean, we talk about that often on here. I mean, I don't know if you say this, Todd, but I know that our pastor says that as believers, you are either coming out of a trial, in the midst of a trial, or heading into one, and it it may seem like like a It may seem like an odd thing to grasp, but watching other people suffer and suffer well, and coming alongside them, being willing to get in those trenches, get in that valley with them, and say, "Let me walk with you. Let me sit with you for an afternoon. Let me just be here and listen with an ear of understanding." Man, that will equip you immensely. When you go through your suffering, and then you will be more equipped after your suffering to then apply what comforted you, as Second Corinthians one says, to comfort them.

And that's how we are to be as believers, as the hands and feet of Christ, like that. And you know, initially I was going to title this "Why Am I Angry?" and then I thought I was talking to my husband. I said, "We all know why we're angry. You know, if you've suffered, that's not really the question that we have." But we might ask, is it wrong to be angry? And when we come back for the podcast portion of this, we're going to talk about the injustices in the world, and even God is a righteous God, and He has a righteous and holy anger towards those things that are unjust.

You know, I have I have a bunch of these. My grandparents actually had these in their home, and they let us kind of go through their books and choose what we wanted. But Johnny Erickson taught. I had a bunch of these little pamphlets on different things, and this one is called "When God Seems Unjust." And I was reading it just in preparation for today's interview, and she actually opens up with a story of a friend of hers. This friend just passed away last feb last February, but a friend of hers who thought she was going on a business interview, and it was one of those things where it's like a like a Craigslist type thing.

She's a single mom, and she goes to this warehouse, and she's met by two men, and she they. They tried to sexually assault her and ended up shooting her in the neck, and she was quadriplegic after that. And John talks about how there—I think the the perpetrator got three years in prison and nearly took her life, and did take life as she knew it. You know, when when go through an instance where you are sexually assaulted. That changes your life forever, but then you add that being being shot, and now you are a quadriplegic and a mother, and that will turn your world upside down.

Yeah.

And yet she talks about how this woman, her name was Vicky, she talks about how this woman ultimately was able to give Jesus so much more glory, like Johnny herself has, because of her suffering, and yet. I can't help but wonder: Did she did she wrestle with any anger?

Some of our listeners have had to sit in courtrooms across from from their child's murderer, across from their spouse's murderer, and undoubtedly you have some feelings of anger. How would you address that as a pastor? Yeah, I think you you have to first go and accept the fact that's a human response. We're we're not glorified yet.

Okay, and so there's going to be there's going to be an anger. There, I think there's two parts to it. There's one. There's a righteous anger. In injustice has happened, and we should be angry at injustice.

We we want to be purveyors of righteousness, not unrighteousness. And so I think it's it's normal, biblical, and a godly man, godly woman will be angered at injustice. The the question. Question is, what do you do with that anger, and do you let it sit and simmer in your life? And I think that's where that's where the hard part comes in: is do you let this anger turn into to bitterness, where it begins to rot your own soul, or or do you process through it and and you use it for a way to grow spiritually for God to?

Sanctify you, and to see His sovereign plan, and to know that He's providential, and that He's not accidental, and that you know He has still plans and purposes. And I think that's part of coming alongside somebody, even in the way of admonishing. Admonishing doesn't mean always telling somebody what they've done wrong. It's also pointing them to what's true. And and you can admonish in a positive way of helping them think on what is true, as James says, what is right, what is honorable, what is of good repute.

I can admonish you in a very positive, encouraging way. It's not always I'm going to confront you with your anger. It can be. I'm going to point you to what is what is true, and and help them help them get to that that place. But again, it comes back to it.

It takes that time to do that. It doesn't happen in one coffee. You can't sit with a woman like you just described and think, "Hey, one coffee at Starbucks is going to settle everything." Yeah, you know this. This is going to take. This is going to take time.

There's deep trauma there. Hmm. Yeah, and I mean, again, we had another guest on here, and his wife, his wife was murdered in their home, and. He sat in that courtroom, and he did as we have seen so many believers do, which is, it's God alone; it's not us that does this. He turned to that perpetrator and he said, "I forgive you," and that that is that's the opposite of us harboring bitterness, and it doesn't mean that what they did was any less wrong.

Yeah, but. To be able to forgive somebody is to release yourself from what, as you said, the rot that it does to your own soul. Todd, what about those instances where, and I think most of us have had these in our life, where somebody has wronged you? Maybe they have even changed the trajectory of your life, and not for the better. And they're never going to apologize.

There's so many people that think, "Well, how can I forgive somebody that doesn't apologize? What does that process look like?" Yeah, I think helping the person first understand what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is not forgetting. Forgiveness is not based on whether somebody's seeking forgiveness or not. Because think about that: I could be held captive the rest of my life, and the person who wronged me, who never asked for forgiveness, dies, and therefore I'm still sitting in this embittered state.

So I have to help the person. What is forgiveness? And forgiveness, at at the core, is is choosing to give up the right to punish. At the very core, forgiveness it's it's it's making a choice that I no longer am going to hold the right to punish you. That's that's what God did through the work of Christ.

Is he didn't forget our sins. He didn't forget that man's full of sin. Christ bears the marks of the cross even to this day.

So we will always know that there was sin around. But what did he do in Christ? He gave up the right to punish us. And that's why I think you can forgive somebody who hasn't sought forgiveness. Is I can choose, on my own volitional will, to no longer have to punish you for what you did.

And and so I think there's great hope for people to actually forgive and and move past a wrong that where they've been deeply wronged in life. Consequences come with it. You know, you don't you you don't get past it. And again, forgiveness is not forgetting. It's it's choosing to give up the right to punish.

Todd, from a theological standpoint. Is that is that what Scripture means that God did for us when it says that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us? And as far as you know, believing that that Jesus chose us before the foundations of the earth, and so it wasn't it wasn't us coming to Him first and asking for that forgiveness He had. Died for us while we were dead in our trespasses. Is that is that similar to what that means?

Yeah, I mean it's it's definitely related to it, and you know that Romans five a while we're yet sinners Christ died for us. It tells us that the stronger person in any relationship initiates the peace, and and that's what Christ did. And i I always come back I always come back to the question of why did Jesus have to suffer on the cross. I know why he had to die, but my my question is why did he have to suffer? And I I think he answered it on the cross when he looked down on those that were spitting, mocking him, and torturing him, and he said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." And I think that was for us.

Is that if if Christ can forgive and the Father can forgive those that punished the Son and mocked the Son and tortured the Son, then then I should be able to forgive the person that has wronged me, because that's the only reason I can think of why he had to suffer. I know why I had to die, but why? Why crucifixion? Other, other than prophecy, obviously. But why the suffering?

And I think it was to show us a way to actually forgive those that have wronged us, and and that we can do it even before, even before they recognize their sin. That just made me think about when you see the instances in the New Testament where Jesus did get angry, it was always. It was always in defense of the father, and and yet you see when he went through his unfair trial, when they were mocking him and spitting at him and nailing him to a cross and continuing to mock him, he he did not get angry at his own defense. In fact, just what you were saying, just the opposite. And what an example that is to us.

And again, I mean, we as Christians, it's not an easy walk to be a Christian. You know, I think.

Sometimes people they they become a Christian and they think, "Oh, my life is going to get so much easier now." That's not at all what Scripture says, and it's not what we are promised at all. In fact, you are asked to go against your nature in a lot of ways, which is not easy. We're asked to be like Christ, and when we are when we are personally offended and attacked and wronged. Our natural instinct is to get angry and to defend ourselves, and yet, if we follow our example in Christ, we're supposed to do the opposite of that. And that—that's a challenge.

How—how much of that do you think comes from maturity alone, from a spiritual standpoint? Oh, I think it—it's a lot. Has everything to do with maturity in Christ. You know, we're—we're not called to grow old in Christ. We're called to grow up in Christ, and and that maturity is so important to that.

And that maturity means I've been through things like this before. I've experienced things like this before. I have seen God work through crummy situations. Situations and circumstances, and I have my faith has grown. You know that's why I think you see a more settledness on older Christians.

There's a peace because they've done business with Jesus for a long period of time, and and they they have a real sense of a peace about circumstances that may freak me out, but they're at peace. Over it because they've matured in Christ and they've walked with Him and they've seen how faithful He's been and they trust they trust Him for the outcome. I think it's a it's it is a thermometer for maturity in Christ for sure. Todd, for the person that's listening that says I I am a Christian but man I'm so angry with what has gone on right now. Is there encouragement for them that, as they mature, that they won't they won't feel that and and and I guess the other side of that question is, how can they take that anger if they're listening to this episode today, saying, "I am so angry, I want to release that, but I don't know how." Yeah, yeah, I think.

I think that's real life. Everybody, I wrestle with that. I think we all wrestle with that. Of when we've been wronged or wronged deeply, what do we do with that anger? And I think that the key is.

Taking it, we got to take it to the cross. At some point, we got to crucify that anger, and we we have to bring it to the cross and and go back to remembering the Savior. Asking the Father to forgive those that were not asking for forgiveness, he was being treated very unjustly, and and so I got to go to the cross with that. And for me, it may be it may be a dozen times that I had to take keep taking that back. It may be the rest of my life that I was wrong so deeply that I got to keep taking that back to the cross, and and that's the only place.

Place I can take it. If I don't take it there, then it's going to simmer and it's going to turn into bitterness, and bitterness is an acid that rots the soul of of a person.

So, I again, I think it's it's it's choosing to say, okay, I am angry, but I'm not going to stop there. I'm not going to stay there, and I'm going to take this to the cross, and I'm going to do something proactively about this. I think that's the difference between a person reacting well to anger and a person acting unbiblical to anger. Is the unbiblical part is just letting it simmer and settle in your soul. Yeah, you know, I have I have two kids that are teenage and nearly teenage, and some of the things I say to them on a pretty regular basis is, "Are you controlling your emotions, or are you allowing your emotions to control you?" And As believers, I think it goes hand in hand with the scripture that talks about taking every thought captive, because our thoughts and our emotions are very closely intertwined, and we we will either be a slave to our emotions.

And there are many people. I mean, you can you can look all around you. Look at look at your your. You know your peers. Look at your people that work with you.

They're everywhere. People that are slaves to their emotions, and as Christians, we're to be slaves to nothing. You know, we are our only master is Christ, and He's our only example. And that, you know, as I say that, obviously, that's easier said than done. In the midst of sorrow and suffering.

And I don't know if this is something that that you do at all. I know that there are men that have come on our show that do this on a regular basis. I think it's maybe a little bit more common for women, but I think that from a practical standpoint, something that people could do is journal. Actually, like write out what ways you've been wronged and. Kind of what what the life was that you expected, and then put scripture to it.

Yeah, and we we had a woman that was on very recently. Um. And she, man, she's gone through so many things. I mean, she she had polio. She had a baby that died at seven weeks old.

She had a husband who was unfaithful to her multiple times. Ended up getting divorced. You know, and that is one of the things that helped her most is to not allow that bitterness to take root and the anger that she felt that was there. And yet she said, you know, I'm I'm going to write it down, and I'm not going to gossip about it. I think that's a that is another thing that can be very challenging when we've been wronged by somebody to, you know, we we we put it in the guise of I'm venting.

Sorry, I just need to vent right now, but nowhere in Scripture does it give us permission to vent. Become socially acceptable even amongst believers, but it shouldn't be. And I say that someone who's done it, you know, but. We are instead supposed to take every thought captive and take it to the Lord, and He wants us to be honest. He doesn't need us to pretend like we're not angry or we're not fearful.

Take it to Him, and you know the poem I read earlier, the the verse that that's based off of is Psalm one sixteen verse two, and it's one of my favorite verses. And I'm surprised how many people don't know it. And it says, "Because He bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath." and I can think of few things more comforting than that. When you're in the midst of heartache and you feel like nobody understands the suffering I'm going through, no, nobody sees me crying in my car. Nobody sees me anxiously waiting for those results.

Jesus does. He does. He hears every prayer and he sees every tear and and Those aren't just those aren't just platitudes. That's that's real. He really does.

And how how would you encourage people that when they are having those big emotions, how can they take those captive? Yeah, well, I think you brought up a really good one, and that's journaling. That there's something very cathartic about writing, writing it out. And I'm thankful that people in the Bible wrote things down. That's why we have like the Book of Psalms, because we have a lot of times where you see David processing anger.

Yeah, you know how long, oh Lord! Like, when are you going to show up? I mean, it, it, it's it's real. And what I love about the Bible, it doesn't Photoshop, you know, the people in it. And look at Job.

He, you know, he chapter after chapter. Where are you? Why, why have you abandoned me? And so I do think writing things down is very, very helpful because you. Get it out, out of you.

You know, it literally is outside of you. It's now on ink and paper, and you can go back and see it, read it, and that is really helpful to get things out. I think you got to be careful of of coming to the place where your your grief can almost become an idol. In the sense of, you just keep going back to it over and over and over and over again, and in a really weird, messed up way, you begin to idolize it, and. I think that's why you got to get it out, like you said.

And I do think writing writing is is a great way. And if you are a gifted writer like you are, it's even it's even a greater blessing because you can put it in poetic form. You can put it in in in stanzas. You could put it to music. That is all very helpful to to get the get that grief out of you.

Yeah, when you were saying that it can become an idol to us, immediately I thought it becomes our identity, and as believers, our identity again should be in Christ only. But we all know we end up finding identity in I'm a pastor, I'm a podcast host, I'm a mom, I'm a dad, I'm a grandfather, I'm whatever it may be, and.

Sometimes when those identities are shaken, when your child dies, when you lose your job, when your spouse dies, when you're not an athlete anymore because now now you got multiple sclerosis, yeah, that can shake your identity. And then, oddly, I think we've all seen where people then place their identity in their circumstances. They place their identity in "I'm I'm the widow," "I'm I'm the the mom that lost the child," and. As part of that too, I think that we need to be careful as a church not to do that, not to label people as, "Oh, that's the guy whose wife died." That's that's girl who you know she used to be this great athlete, but now she's really sick, and so she can't do that anymore. That's not their identity.

That that's part of their testimony. It's not their identity, and it also, when you're talking about the Psalms and Job. How much less comforting would the Psalms be? Would Job be, if God didn't allow us to see their heart with transparency, and? I feel so strongly.

It's a big reason why I felt the need for the book "Hope in the Morning" to come to fruition. This, the podcast and radio portion, nonprofit. This was never on my bingo card. This is this is you know, man plans his steps, but God directs his ways. This is God that that did this portion.

But the reason why I wanted to do that is because I thought, you know what, if people could hear. These honest testimonies—the good, the bad, the ugly—and then see how the Lord redeems it. Even when you were angry, you were desperate on the bathroom floor, not knowing what to do. God redeemed it. How powerful those testimonies are!

You know, those I've come to see those as those are our stones of remembrances that we put before one another as believers. But if if we're not honest about what we struggle with, if we're not honest about where the Lord has brought us through maturity in our suffering, our testimony is not as strong. Because those that are in the trenches, that are in those valleys, they say, "Oh, you know what? They weren't as far gone as I am. They weren't struggling like I am." But when you can say, you know what?

In humility, I'm going to be honest with you and tell you I really struggled with this, and this was this was my my Jacob moment of wrestling with God. This is what it looked like, and this is how the Lord humbled me and matured me. It's that lifeline for other believers to say, you know, I'm not too far gone for the Lord to rescue me from this. And you know, what what would you say are Maybe, maybe the top one or two scriptures that people that are really wrestling with anger right now, what can they just meditate on day and night right now to give them some hope? Yeah, I think you know.

There's scriptures are full of of great passages of of hope and comfort, and you know, I think of I think of Isaiah 40. I think of Isaiah 55. I think of, frankly, most of the Psalms. Personally, when I'm going through a really hard circumstance, I spend I spend a lot of time in the Book of Psalms, not only to see how others have. Suffered, but to see the hope that they have, and so I always commend the the Book of Psalms to to people that are in a time of suffering, because they're both real and raw, but they're also packed with hope.

You know, ultimately, the the writer, whoever wrote it, primarily David, comes back to a place of hope. And and can bring you full circle, and I love that. You know, we want to bring people full circle. We don't want to just leave them in in the pit. Is again, admonishing isn't always the form of correcting.

It can also be the form of pointing and pointing to real hope, and and being honest about it. Saying, hey, we don't know how God's going to use this, but He's going to redeem it. And and God doesn't God doesn't waste anything. He doesn't have extra craft paper that he has to burn up and and waste. He uses every everything, and so I think I to me the Psalms is where I would point somebody because of that that full circle, bringing them around through their their sorrow and their despair, but then bringing back to Christ or the the The Lord God is my rock and my refuge.

Okay, I need I I need to hear that. I need to know that. And and and and so I think that's where I would encourage people to spend time. That that's a great thing too for people that are walking alongside people that are going through sorrow. Oftentimes, people say, "I don't know what to say," and you know we've said before on here, you don't really need to say anything.

You just need to show up. But we also all know that when you show up with that casserole and they invite you in, you're going to have to say something. You can't just sit there in silence. Yeah.

But to be able to go and just arm yourself with a psalm. Go in there and read it over and over, and be able to just say, "Hey, I just I've been reading this psalm, and I just wanted to kind of share with you guys some of the ways it's encouraged me, and I think maybe it would encourage you too." And there was a conversation, and maybe even a conversation for them to say, "Yeah, I really relate to this part where David is saying that he feels abandoned, or he feels like all of God's blessings are being poured out on the unrighteous, and yet here I am, faithfully walking with you and." Where are you? You know that's how I'm feeling right now, and it can it can be that point of conversation centered around biblical truth. And I wanted to close today. There's a verse in First Peter that I love, and I think it's so encouraging, and I hope it encourages those that are listening today.

And it says, "It's in First Peter one, starting in verse six. It says, 'In this you greatly rejoice,' which we all know. Again, this goes completely against our human nature to greatly rejoice. Even though now, for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. And though you have not seen him, you love him.

And though you do not see him now, but believe in him, you greatly rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, obtaining as the outcome of your faith the salvation of your souls. And I think that that is one of the main thoughts that I want to leave our listeners with today: is that in this life we are going to have problems, we're going to have trial upon trial upon trial, and yet the Lord says. Rejoice in it, and and that goes so against our nature. But we have something that unbelievers don't have. We have a guaranteed hope that.

This life is not the end for us, and that all of these sufferings are working together an eternal weight of glory for you. And will you honor the Lord? It's an immense privilege. Might not feel like it, but it's an immense privilege to be entrusted with suffering and say, "Lord, I trust you. I'm going to trust that you are faithful, and that in the end, the reward that we have with Heaven and seeing Christ face to face will make all of our sufferings pale in comparison.

Amen. You're already you're raising my hope level as you speak.

So thank you. We want to raise each other's hope levels every week. That's cool every time.

So I hope that you will leave today and be not only encouraged yourself, but that you will be equipped to go encourage someone else. Thank you for joining us today on Hope in the Morning. Hope in the Morning is a nonprofit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting, equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ. To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor, please visit hopeinthemorning.org. Your donation helps keep these stories of hope on the air and helps tangibly meet the needs of the hurting.