This is the Truth Network. Welcome to Hope in the Morning. turning tragedies and tears into testimonies of hope. We've talked about starving children in Nigeria and we've talked about suffering children in Haiti, but what about the invisible children right here among us in the States? I'm joined today with Christiana and she is a foster mom.
She's been a foster mom for a while and she has really profound insights into these invisible children.
So, Christiana, thank you so much for joining us today on Hope in the Morning. Thank you so much for having me here. Can you start by telling us a little bit about what led you to become a foster parent and how long you've been doing it?
Okay, so um We dealt with infertility for quite a while. And then we were told that our chances of getting pregnant were very slim to none. and that if we wanted to do IVF, then that would work. and something in me just did not want to do IVF. It was just not what I wanted.
And so my husband and I decided we wanted to adopt. Two. And we looked into adoption, and we found this adoption agency that did fostering and adopting. We never really thought about fostering to adopt. That was not the thing at all.
We just wanted to adopt the child. And we started looking into it, and then we stopped. We were like it was just not the time. We didn't we didn't want to adopt and it was just we stopped um Then we um when you moved to North Carolina. And We started going to church here, and I was like, okay, we're going to do IVF.
We're going to do it. We're going to go for IUI, IVF, whatever it is.
So we went to a clinic. And again, they told us that, yes, only through IUI or IVF can you conceive. And then they told us actually. The chances are of IUI or none. You cannot get pregnant through IUI.
You would have to do IVF. And we were like, okay, so we were going to do it. And I went to church. That was on a Saturday. That we went to this clinic.
We went to church on Sunday, and the pastor started speaking about foster care. first time I've ever heard our pastor speak about foster care adoption. And um We were there and he started speaking about it. And then he had an ultra call, and we had just gotten this news that I couldn't get. pregnant and it was just A lot.
So we went up to the altar call and I just laid it all at his feet. And um I felt like Now I know that God had placed that moment in my life to hear about foster care and adoption. But at that moment there at the altar, I didn't even think about that. I was just like, okay, I'm grieving. This, you know, I don't know what else to do.
I want to become a mom. That's always been such a thing that I wanted, a big desire of my heart And I didn't think about it again, right? We let it go for a couple of weeks, and then I was like, okay, well, we're going to adopt. And um Again, we went through another agency and we were looking for adoption agencies. We were not looking for foster care.
And we went to this informational meeting with an agency in Raleigh, and they were also a foster to adopt agency. Um But they have this program where you can um Adoption. are infants. That comes in as safe surrenderers in the hospital.
So that's what I thought we were going to end up doing. And we went and we took the classes, but to do that, you have to become a foster parent. That is the North Carolina law, you have to foster a child for six months before you could adopt them. if it's like a safe surrender.
So we went through the classes, and that first class we took, and we learned so much about foster care. And we decide I was I was there and I was like, I don't think we're meant to adopt. I think we're meant to foster. And my husband's like, you're crazy. Uh And We started taking the classes, and God started working on my heart saying, you know, adoption is not the goal.
The goal is foster care. And we changed our license. We weren't a foster to adopt family. We became a foster family.
So at that point. where we went in the first day thinking we were going to adopt a baby. we changed our license well our Application to say we would foster a child from the age of zero to 21. And that's how it started.
So, um Now, deep inside, I really wanted a younger child. Uh but You know, I was like, God, whatever you want me to do, that's what we will do. And we became licensed in October of 2019. And then, you know, because God has. A plan for everything, and in December of 2019, we got our first child that came through our house.
She was supposed to stay for a weekend. And she was a teenager. And I was like, oh, we could do anything for a weekend. You know, I was scared of teenagers, but we could do anything, right? And she has never left.
We adopted her 10 months later.
So and now we've we have quite a a number of children now. But yeah, that's how it started. Yeah, it makes me think a little bit about the fact that I think there are a lot of families that initially, when they can't have their own baby, and that's the desire of their heart, their initial thought is: I'm gonna, I'm gonna foster to adopt, or I'm going to adopt. Part of that, and I don't think that there's anything wrong with this, but a big part of that is you're trying to feel this longing that you have in your heart and this desire that you have in your heart. And yet, when you make the choice and you say, you know what, we're actually going to follow the call to just foster, foster the children that need to be fostered.
It makes me think about how that God switches that desire to be, okay, I'm not going to just tend to my needs and my desires, but now I'm going to switch it and tend to the needs of somebody else and have it be. It's very selfless. I mean, the foster care, and part of what we're going to talk about today is that being a foster care parent. It It is a very demanding job, and you're looking out for the welfare of these little children that come in, and they have hurts and they have heartaches. Yeah, I took those classes in the state of North Carolina as well.
My wife and I did. And I was shocked. I mean, it just blew me away because I assumed. that if you were going to foster or adopt the goal of the process was you know to have adoption like you have had happened with it but it was very made very clear to us that the goal of foster is to reunite the child with its own family if in any way in shape or form in the the world that can happen yeah And I was like, whoa, I had a huge misunderstanding. Like, is this really something we know going in that the goal?
Is to not have this child and to not have that relationship with him anymore. And it I I was wondering how you You know, it's fascinating to me because when you went to the class, it's when you started to have this happen with what God was doing in your heart, and it seems counterintuitive to what you guys were originally going to do. Yeah, so the goal of foster care is reunification, always. That is the primary goal, always.
However, with that agency we were going with, they get a lot of surrenders, safe surrenders.
So the goal there is not reunification because the baby has been surrendered. And that's how they get you in, I guess. because you don't know any better. And then So, yes, the baby's goals wouldn't be reunification.
However, every single child that has come through our home has been a goal for reunification. And touching back just on what you were saying about that needing to feel, feel, excuse me, that need, that desire to be a parent. Is very real, right? But, and I have spoken about this a lot on my blog: that you cannot foster. Until God has changed that.
Well, at least I believe that. Because if you still have that desire that you really want this baby and you didn't change that. That way of thinking, or if God hasn't really worked in your heart or filled that need to be a parent with that, then you're just setting yourself up to get hurt. Because again, the goal is reunification.
So, if you're going in to foster, not to adopt, because that's different, right? Two different things, but if your goal is to foster. You cannot say, hey, I'm going to foster to adopt other than in circumstances like those safe haven babies. Um because Your heart's gonna break because these children are gonna be feeling that need, that need, that desire. And then you are going to get hurt because they're supposed to leave.
These children are not supposed to stay in your home. And going in with the mindset of I'm going to adopt the child that comes into my home. through foster care. Is not realistic and it's not okay because, and not only are you going to get hurt, but at the same time, Not doing it on purpose. You're not going to do it on purpose.
At least I wouldn't. but you can sabotage every unification just because you're trying to keep these children, even without meaning to sabotage it. It's a very big thing that happens all the time. And it needs to be spoken about. These children are supposed to be, you're supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus by helping them.
but not by keeping them. Unless obviously if they can't go home, immunification is no longer on the table, then that's different. But to go in, you must go with the with your open with your heart knowing it's going to break. You know, that brings an interesting point that There's so many parents and people within the church, even that say, Oh, I could never do that because I could never put my heart on the line like that. You hear that so often that people are like, Oh, I could never do that because I would get too invested.
I would love the children too much. And That's exactly what they need. They need somebody to love them too much. They need somebody that is willing. They need an adult like you and your husband to be willing to say, I know that I'm going to get attached to you.
I want to get attached to you. I want you to know that kind of love. And I'm willing to go through the heartache because you're worth it. you're worth me loving fully and without any. any apprehension.
So, that you understand that love, you understand the love of Christ, and as believers, it's a really unique opportunity actually to show people to show these little children the love of Christ. And they may have never understood what that depth of love is, and yet, so often, we as adults say things like that: I could never do it because I want to protect my own heart, I could never get so attached because it hurts when you let go. And when we come back from the break, we're going to talk about. How do you jump into that? How do you jump in with basically surrendered hands saying, Lord, I know that I'm going to love these children.
help me attach myself in a way that shows them your love. and shows them your goodness and and The fact that Jesus steps into our suffering. But we're also going to be talking about the fact that there are aspects within the foster care system that. Are difficult and challenging for the child and for the foster care parent.
So, join us again in a moment on Hope in the Morning. Hope in the Morning is a listener-sponsored program that encourages the weary, equips those who walk beside them, and evangelizes the lost. If you want to partner with this ministry, visit hopeinthemorning.org. And may you be filled with hope as you continue this episode of Hope in the Morning. Have you ever walked through the deep suffering of a friend And been at a loss for what to say?
How can you comfort someone when they've just lost a loved one or been diagnosed with cancer? Join us on Hope in the Morning to hear testimonies of people who've gone through life's hardest trials. and share what you can do to serve others in similar circumstances. To learn more, visit us at hopeinthemorning.org. My adopted children were not created.
from me to be healed. They were not created for that. Their redemption story ended up that they're in my house, but God did not create them for me. Right, they were created for their mother. And then something happened.
And, you know, it wasn't like. God said, Oh, you know what? I'm going to put you all through all this trauma, and then I'm going to send you to Christiana because that's who you're meant to be from the beginning. That's not how it happened. Right.
for their parents. But then something tragic happens. and they had the God redeemed their story, but they were never created for me. I might have been created. Yeah but they weren't creative for me.
And that's a big thing that has been very, very controversial on my blog. Um, people don't believe that. People say, Oh, God created you. God gave me a gift. You are my gift from God.
God created you for me, but that's not true because God doesn't make mistakes.
So, why would he place you in somebody's womb? And then they were going to do drugs, and then they were going to get. you know, beat you and they were going to starve you. And let you go through all this trauma so just so you could come to me. I don't believe that.
we serve a God that would let that would do that. Maybe this isn't appropriate, but I'll jump in anyway. I think what you're saying is absolutely beautiful. I might add. And we teach a lot on In a lot of the ministries I do with masculine journey, et cetera, et cetera, on fatherlessness, right?
A lot on it. And a lot of people think that. children that lose their parents for whatever reason. Right. That God's the backup plan, but in all reality, God was the author of their life, right?
God created them exactly. But then God sends mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers into all of our lives. Not just Foster children, but if you think back in your own life when you needed somebody to teach you this or help you with this. God sent a father in. But fascinatingly, and this is beautiful.
From my perspective, That When a mother nurses a baby, it's not just the baby that gets. The mother is given something through caring for the child.
Well, the same is true. When you're When you're fathering a young boy that wants to learn how to fish, okay, that, oh, it's wonderful that he gets to learn how to fish and he gets to be around Robbie for a while, right? But it's just as wonderful for Robbie. to some extent. And so Yes God kind of brought this relationship together, in my view, not just for the foster children.
But it's your opportunity to follow him in that moment and whatever. And I couldn't help but note: like, man, one of the coolest things that you brought this so beautifully to me. Is Hannah was exactly, she was desperate for a baby. But then she just fostered it. Like, oh my gosh, like, you've been desperate for this son for whatever.
And she kept it till it was weaned. And then gave it to unified it into Samuel into his real family for which, you know, what a story. And it was similar, like there you're struggling with fragility, struggling, struggling, struggling. You're given it and then you hanna out. I think it's amazing.
Yeah, I think that that is interesting that you You had these children, which was the desire of your heart. You had these children that, yes, you didn't carry them in your womb, but you do come to carry them in your heart deeply. And you love these children, you know their needs. And actually, You know, you make sacrifices for them as their foster mom. And That's one of the things that I think you're very much their mother when they're in your household, as far as you caring for their needs.
And how do you step into the trauma that these kids have gone through or the heartache they've gone through? Minister To their unique hurts, especially when you don't even know usually until they come into your home what those hurts are.
So I don't ask. I don't ask their trauma. I don't care about their behaviors before they came into my house. I don't do any of that. when they come in.
So I I foster zero to 21 so I could get a child of any age right So, um we we have a teenager right now, so Well, all I do is when they come in, I say, I don't care what happened in the past. Not about like trauma and stuff, because obviously I'm not going to be insensitive, but I'm saying about like when children are moved from home to home. I said, I don't care what happened in the past. I don't care how you behaved in the past. this is a new this is a new place you are in our home you are loved already And we start brand new.
Whatever you did in the past, doesn't it doesn't phase me, right? It is just you're here to be loved and you're here to. And you're here to be part of our family. And as soon as you walk in through that door, all the things that happened before you came in are erased. And that's how we step in with it with older kids.
With little ones, it's different. I've had babies come out of the hospital. Multiple, multiple babies come out of the hospital.
So we just nurture them. We love them from the moment we go into the NICU to do skin to skin with them.
So it's We just let Let God take the lead. We don't force relationships. We're just there for them. And then God is always great at ministering to our hearts and letting us know exactly what each child needs because they're all different. And we've fostered over 43 children.
So we've had a lot of different traumas and, um that have come through and we just need to remember that um that the trauma happened and But they're still going through it right now. And we just love on them as much as we can. We show them the love of Christ, we bring them to church. And we treat them just like they've been here the whole time. We do not treat any child differently than the one that's already been here.
And that's how we deal with it. Christiana, have you and your husband ever gone through seasons? In your foster care journey, that have been so challenging that you guys have questioned whether or not you want to continue? Yes, so our second placement, second child that came into our home, five years old. Um And um He was A great little boy.
Um but he had been through a lot. and he was a very d very difficult um child. Um And we didn't really have support from the agency we were with. He ended up being hospitalized. in an institution.
And at that point, Um we questioned we questioned God. We questioned everything because I wanted to hold on so tight. I love that little boy so much. And my husband said, We can't do this for the safety of our oldest. We can't.
And um It not only formed a wedge between me and my husband, it also I was, I just kept telling God, like, I was wrestling with God real bad. and we had to say goodbye and I think about that little boy every day. And recently, um, I was I was um watching something on on the internet and I saw a picture of him. And I reached out to the foster parent, a very well-known foster parent actually fostered him. And he told me he got a doctor and he's doing really well.
So that was. What? Seven years later, that we are finding out how he's doing. And but I think about him all the time, and that was really hard. I did not know if we should continue or not.
Yeah. But God had other plans. How, especially in circumstances like that, like, what are some of the ways that the church can come alongside foster families? especially when they're going through seasons of like, this is just unimaginably hard.
So, um There is so different churches do different things. A lot of churches are lacking, but there is something called a care community that we recently just became a part of.
So a care community is a community of people from the church that Hug foster families like they um they come in they'll cook for you they if you need babysitting they come in and they help with some kind of babysitting or transportation or um Recently they um One of the ladies from our church, she actually just started doing our little five-year-old's laundry.
So she'll come on Friday, she picks it up and she drops it off to us on Sunday. And it doesn't seem like, oh, that's a huge thing. That is a huge thing. I have six kids. One person's laundry is huge.
And we have medical kids.
So it has been such a blessing. And when one of our children left in May, Um the church just like wrapped themselves around us, this community that we have. They sent us food. They knew how badly we were grieving, this little girl leaving us, and they were just here. Do you need anything?
Can I take the kids for the day? They um Sometimes all you need is a phone call. Hey, I know that this and this is going on, even if they don't know, you know, I know that, you know. Things have been hard. How can I pray for you?
How can just that, how can I pray for you means more than anything. because you know somebody else cares. Yeah. Well, if you're listening on the radio right now, we're going to continue this conversation. There's a lot more to be said because we're going to be talking about what are some of the shortcomings in the system.
How can the church truly step up and step in to the suffering? And you might not, like Christiana said, you might not think that it sounds like that big of a deal to do something small. But it's huge to people that are going through these battles, fighting these battles with these little ones. And oftentimes, you're fighting these battles not only on your knees, but in courtrooms. And it's trying in a lot of ways.
So, continuing with that, I wanted to say something because I think, you know, I have four kids. And I think when you don't understand, and so I have followed a lot of foster care accounts because for a long time I really wanted to do that. That was not something that my husband felt equally called to. And that's part of why I had asked you that question, because, and some of the concerns that you had had, Robbie, is, you know, we have four biological children, and just kind of, you don't know, you don't know what the dynamics are gonna be there. And our four children are challenging as it is, but.
But I look at that and I think there might be some people that don't understand the complexities of what's entailed with foster care. And they might think, well, I have six kids and I do all their laundry and I cook all their meals. Like they might think that. And so can you share with us a little bit about what are some of the unique aspects of parenting in the foster care system that are not true of just an initial biological family? What are some things that you face?
So we um We take medical children.
So we have kids with feeding tubes and kids with. Walking devices and kids with a lot of therapies. We have three children with autism.
So it's a lot, right? And then add trauma on top of that. We have children, we have had children that don't sleep through the night. Um We have one child and it's not really sharing their story because no one knows who they are, right? That has never slept through the night, and he's not a newborn, he's not a baby, he's not one.
So he has never slept through the night. And that's that's all the effects, you know, of things he's been through.
So it's different. We go to court. We are in court. A lot and with six kids, which now I don't have court for all of them because only two are in foster care right now. We have adopted three and have guardianship of one.
So the two that we have that are fostered, we um We go to court. We have Social worker visits, we have every month we have adoption workers every month. We have um Now Healthy Blue, which is the new healthcare plan that all children in foster care or that have been adopted from foster care in North Carolina have. They have a worker that comes every month. even after adoption.
It's like appointment after appointment after appointment. We have one of my children has therapy every single day, some kind of therapy. Speech, feeding, occupation, like every single day we have some kind of therapy. Um So it's a lot where We're never home. We're always on the run.
Some kind of therapy, some kind of appointment.
Somebody's coming to our house. to do a home visit. Today I have a home visit in an hour. Um so there's always someone Needing something, there's some kind of appointment for someone every single day. Um And then just the stress of dealing with the ch with children that have trauma.
They have a lot of needs. They have a lot of sensory needs. They have a lot of um They need a lot of reassurance. They have these, you know, and I'm sure there's biological children like this too, but kids that have been through trauma have these outbursts that can last hours. Um so and that's you know that gets to be a lot.
it gets to be really tiring too.
So it's all, you know. And when you foster and you adopt children of all ages, They're all at different stages.
So we go from You know, having toddlers, let's say, to the next day we have a baby in the NICU.
So we don't get time to adjust. We don't, you know, we decided we were to like. A year and a half ago, we decided we were taking a break. We said, you know, we're going to take a break. We're not taking anyone else.
And 12 hours later, we got a call. Hey, we have a baby in the NICU that needs someone. And within a couple of hours, my husband and I were there doing skin to skin. And now he's been here for 20 months.
So it's And we don't have time to prepare. um we don't want to get a baby shower We don't get, you know what I mean? That all those things is we go from a teenager to the newborn within hours. I wonder if you know for whatever reason I've noted um That many in your situation, they have larger groups, larger families than most people that are keeping one or two kids. Most people in foster end up because of the, I guess, there's such a huge need and not enough people to feel the need.
So the ones that are actually pretty good at it have a tendency to have larger families. But I wonder this point, as I was sitting there thinking about your situation. that one of the things that you have is built in Counselors. 'Kay. Because, like the 20-year-old and the 16-year-old, and all these that have been through, I don't know how many foster homes and have seen, in other words, they've been comforted.
right you know the second corinthians chapter one they've been comforted And through the system and through your family.
So now they can help say, oh, to their younger. foster brother or sister like How helpful are they in comforting the other children?
So that's actually not true. Um,. The older kids the older kids get triggered by the little kids. because you get a new child that comes into our home. And the 16 or the 20 year old will see, and they will, the younger ones will start talking about why they are in foster care.
And then that brings all the emotions. And all the things back to these older kids, and then their behaviors sometimes get triggered by it, and then they start misbehaving again, or they start. Um having some really big feelings that they can't control. for a while and then they have to work on themselves all over again to because you know Although they're sixteen and twenty, um They lost a whole childhood.
So they like being, they're younger mentally than a 16 and a 20 year old, right? And they need that comforting. They still need a mom and a dad, and they still love to watch little kids' shows, and they still like playing with the little kids.
So it's not always easier.
Sometimes having a little one actually makes it a little harder for them. in some um Some kind of way and sometimes it brings healing to them. Our twenty year old Absolutely loves our little ones. We, like I said, we adopted her first.
So, um, She absolutely loves on them. And but at times, she does have to step away because it could be a little overwhelming to them to hear the stories of the other children that have come through our home.
So it's like hit or miss. But she is going to school to become a social worker. She is in college right now.
So. Wow.
something good's come from that. Christiana, have you found, kind of playing off what you just said, have you found that when kids come into your care, especially when they're a little bit older, like teenagers, and they've had a traumatic childhood? Do you find that they almost need to not relive they almost need to like redo some of that childhood with some of those childish things like to to form these connections.
Okay. my teenagers um I've had teenagers that love watching Paw Patrol. With the little kids, I have teenagers I love going to Marbles Museum. And it's crazy because That's where I take. Every single child that comes into my house first.
No matter the age. Because I have little ones, I always use the excuse: hey, we're going to go to Marble's Museum, which is a kids' museum. And every single time. Every single child, no matter the age, loves it. Mm.
The young toddlers to the oldest teenager I've ever had, they all absolutely love it because they get to be kids. Yeah. And no matter how old they are, they all want to be kids. That actually seems like such a smart idea because even as a mom of four, like, I love taking my kids to the museum because there's like, there's no nose. You know, you can't, it's like, don't touch that, don't touch that.
Like, it just go touch anything you want to, like, explore things. And I could see you, you had mentioned that a lot of your kids that come in, they have sensory needs. And a museum, a children's museum, is great for that because there's a lot of different tactile experiences there, and they can just. Be kids. There's no structure to it.
They can just go around and explore and be little. And I think that, like, what a neat thing. And maybe other foster parents will listen to that and think, I'm going to. I'm going to start doing that because that's really Yeah. It's the easiest.
It's the we have a membership. We go. They love it. And. We we make a day of it and the kids Absolutely love it because they get to run around with the little kids and then they get to bond.
Yeah. And it's it's been very helpful. I also wanted to go back real quick because you were talking about how, you know, you might get a teenager or you might get a newborn, you don't know, and it's like you get a baby shower. And one of the things as I was kind of preparing for this show, one of the ways that I had seen that churches can help foster families, which I think is a neat idea, is having like a foster closet. And so they can have clothing with different sizes.
They can have shoes. They can have even like the snacks that you guys need, like tons of different snacks, because I know that. oftentimes food can be an issue when kids come into foster care. They can hoard food. They can be afraid that there's not going to be enough food or that things are off limits to them.
And so things like that might seem small, but to be able to give a foster parent, here's a whole bunch of pre-packaged snacks that might feel like safe foods for your kid. It's important and it matters, and that stuff is not cheap. And so, for them to have a closet, what would that mean to you to have a closet with everything you need?
So there is a local church to us, not our church, but there is a local church that the Wake County Foster Closet runs out of, and it has been such a blessing. And then there's another church I forgot their name, the passage church, and they have a foster classic called Everyday Grace. And it has been such a blessing because when we When we get a new child, sometimes we'll call and be like, hey, I have nothing in size 2T. And these church, these foster closets have been, they're run by foster parents.
So they have been such a blessing because they'll give us a bag with two tea clothes, some diapers, that everyday Grace Foster Closet has given us frozen meals and stuff like that.
So it's been quite a blessing. A lot of churches don't have that. I think. Wake County only has about Those two foster closets, and that's a huge county. Like Johnson County, where I live, there is no foster closet.
So that is a big lack, and that is that would be a very big blessing for a lot of foster parents because, again, we We We just get a call, you know, two o'clock in the morning, and all of a sudden you go from a family of. Two to a family of six overnight. You know, it it it it depends.
So, yeah, a church, that would be an amazing thing for a church to do, to have a faucet closet. Or even a foster pantry. Yeah, I think I agree with you. I think that would be such a neat thing. And not, it doesn't seem like it would be that hard of a thing for a church to come up with because it's even just.
bring donations you know have have a pantry have have a closet available and You know, I actually found you because of your blog. You have a blog called A Feathered Nest, and you write beautifully, first of all, but you write very convictingly. And you can tell that you're passionate about this topic. And so I would like to just even pass it to you and say, what is something that you really want people that are listening today to understand about the foster system, about how the church can help, anything that is heavy on your heart? I don't know if you want me to say all of it, but no, so yeah.
The church. When I speak about the church on my blog, everyone thinks I'm talking about a building. I'm not talking about a building. The church, big seat. I'm talking about the body of Christ.
In the Bible, it says that we are supposed to help. The Orphan and the Widow. James 1:27 is very specific. It doesn't say if you feel like it, if you're called to it. If you have a good day, or no, it doesn't say any of that, it just says help.
And that's it. It doesn't. tell you that you know only if god called you to it Now I'm not saying that everyone is called to foster care. Because there is other ways you can help the orphan and the widow. But we are as a church as a whole, we are lacking that.
Because And I say that because there are over 130,000 children in the United States currently free for adoption through the foster care system. Free, meaning they are legally free for adoption. There is no one working a reunification plan for them. There is no one on the other end fighting for them. They are in foster homes, they are in group homes, they are in DSS buildings.
and they're waiting and there's no one there to take them in. And The church has depended so much on the government to do something when. Jesus already said no. You do it. It's not the government's job.
Obviously, foster care and it goes into a whole thing. But to care for the orphan and the widow is something that God called all of us to do, not just the government to take care of. And that's why I'm so passionate about it, because I get calls. I have currently six children in my home. We cannot have more than five.
The only reason we have five of six is because one is over the age of 18.
So we reset the clock, you know, put one more, we could get one more. We get calls all the time. We see emails all the time. There's a child needing. a home.
There's a child sleeping at DSS tonight. Can you help for a night? Can you help for a day? I have taken children after us being maxed out on our license. I have taken children through the day.
taken care of them through the day. And then sent them back to sleep at DSS office because legally they could not sleep at our house. That's why I'm so passionate because I see these kids. I see how much they've been through. I see that there is nothing wrong with them.
They just need someone to love on them. And the church is failing. Because if we weren't failing, then there would be no children sleeping at these offices. And then they'll set people will say, oh, it's behavioral, it's this, it's that.
Okay, then let's help them. Let's just stop making excuses. To step up and help these children because there is so much you can do. And yes, sometimes you can't bring them into your home, but there is a single foster mom in your church that is fostering these children. Help her.
You know, maybe if she had help, maybe she could say yes to another one, you know, another one. Maybe she only has one foster child and that's all she's comfortable right now. But if she had the help, maybe she could have two foster children. You know, it all depends. And a lot of people get very upset that I say that the church is failing, but it's the truth.
It's just to me, it's the truth. Yeah. Were you this passionate about this before you became a foster parent? Or was it like once you became a foster parent, you're like, man, there's. There's some lackings here.
So I've always been very passionate about children. That's why I went to paramedic school. That's why I worked in EMS for over 20 years. And I've seen, I worked in urban EMS for a very long time. And I was always very passionate about helping children.
And I always knew that the church wasn't doing enough to help children. But after I became a foster parent, living with these children. listening to their stories. Uh seeing that My child went through 14 homes before she was adopted by us. um listening to their you know To them Getting scared when a social worker comes over my house thinking that they have to leave.
All the traumas that we, you know, we'll see.
Some of my kids I've hidden under beds because they think someone's coming to get them. Um after seeing all that Yeah, I've become way more passionate now. But it's just because I know that there's so much more we can do, we're not special. My husband and I are no one special. We have a lot of faults.
You know? It's not like, and that's why when you were talking about people saying, Oh, I'm scared I would get too attached. What are you trying to say? You're offending me because I get attached. That's the point.
You know, the point is to get attached. These children need you to get attached. And we're no one special. We're just someone that answered the calling, and we're someone just saying yes because God told us to. Mm.
And yeah, I'm pretty passionate about it. Which is great. I mean, these kids need you to be passionate about it. And again, your writing is passionate, but it is. It's poignant and eloquent.
And you have a very unique writing style because the way that you write, like your things can be very long. I'll read the whole thing every single time because it's just the way that you structure it, it's very easy to read, but it's convicting every time because you leave there thinking. What can we do? How can we be the hands and feet of Jesus? And how can we be more aware of things that we weren't aware of before?
Another thing that I wanted to ask real quick, because we had talked about how the goal of foster care is reunification, that that is always, unless it's a surrender situation, it's reunification. Oftentimes, we measure the success of these foster situations in either reunification or adoption, but That's not always where Where the complete success lies. And so, what would you say are some of the other kinds of successes that you can have within a foster care situation with a child?
Okay. There is so much success. Yes, so the goal is reunification. The goal is. The goal should be permanency, right?
The goal should not be reunification. The goal should be permanency, yes, first with biological family. Uh that should be the goal. We should be Working towards, we should be loving on biological parents, we should be helping them. Um but The goal should be permanency, either be adoption, guardianship, custody, like something, right?
These children need someone to say, I'm here forever, I'm not leaving. no matter if your name change your last name changes or it doesn't. But then, um Okay. But to me The biggest um What's the word I'm looking for? The biggest success.
to me is not reunification or adoption. To me, the biggest success is my child loving Jesus. And I know that it's very Not everyone's gonna agree with me, and they'll think that I'm indoctrinating kids. But to me it it doesn't matter because when a child loves Jesus then they can start healing. and healing is the goal.
And it doesn't matter if they go home, or if they stay with me, or if they go to another home to be adopted. The love of Jesus is there, healing is happening, and that is the most important thing. Yeah. Which really is reunification. I mean, that's true.
Yeah, you're right. In Ephesians 1, what is it, 20? He talks about he's bringing everything together. And fascinatingly, the verb that he uses in Greek has to do with bringing under the headship of Christ. And so it's the child.
Is actually loved by God, right? Then they can experience real love, which then they have a chance to be unified with everybody, including their past parents. their current foster parent. You know, all those things can happen. Um, it beautifully, and one of the reunifications of that verse that I hadn't really discovered until of late.
Is it inside of us? are this unintegrated person. Right. There's that child that got left behind that gets triggered here and gets triggered there. It's a little different person than you may be seeing right this minute.
And as we bring all of ourselves under the headship of Christ, we kind of reunify and so that. Those triggers don't have the effect on us. And I'm talking about me. Right, that they might have.
So, what you said was more than beautiful, and I couldn't agree with you more. That that Reunification is actually with the original father. That is going to bring it all together. It's just absolutely gorgeous, what you said.
Well, and that's where security lies, which is like, yes, that's what all of these foster children are longing for, but that's what we all long for at the end of the day: security. Security. And exactly what you said, Christiana, that these children come in your home and you say, Listen, I don't care about your past, I don't care about how you behaved before. You're in my home now, and you're loved, and you're safe, and you're going to be provided for and protected. And when you said that, even earlier in the program, it reminded me of.
The head to protection the father gives us that when we come into his home as new believers, he says. I don't care about your past. It's been forgiven. You have a new fresh start to me. You're white as snow.
And that's what our souls long for. Like, there's this aching in our souls. And it's no different with a foster child. The foster child at their core. That's what they need.
They need to know that there is a God that won't leave them, won't forsake them, won't abandon them, won't let them down. And really, He's the only one that can. Because even as you mentioned, you and your husband, you're not perfect, you're not different than the rest of us. Any of us that take in a foster child into our home. We're going to have our own flawed things that contribute to that child, and that's just the reality.
We have all fallen short of the glory of God, and We're just sinners trying to help other sinners. But but Jesus He is the restorer. Of things. He's the restorer of things that are broken. And you're giving those children something that can never be taken away from them.
Even if they go on to be adopted or reunified into a family that does not know the Lord. That can't be taken from them. You've planted that seed, and that's up to the next person to water that, however, the Lord sees fit. But what a beautiful thing that you have the opportunity to plant that seed. Um you had talked about how, yes, reunification within the foster system, that's what they say is their goal.
And yet we healing is ultimately is ultimately the goal. But how can churches step in and even help with the process of reunification? Like, how can they come alongside some of these biological parents that? are are really struggling with things too. and help facilitate any of that in a godly way.
So the church should be helping these biological parents before the children are taken. And that is something that doesn't happen very often.
So we need to. The church needs to step up and say, Hey, I know you're struggling. I know you're struggling. I'm going to help you. Um, they need to, um, the way that, um, we help, um, I don't want to offend anyone.
The way we help, um, Communities, you know, we need to be looking at these people that are in our congregations that are already struggling because a lot of um people that um that lose their children. They They can probably prevent that. Just because by getting some help, because a lot of children are taken due to neglect. And neglect is part is the highest percentage of children that are removed. It's not physical abuse, like many many people think.
And some people just need help and neglect can be all kinds of things. Especially, um drugs is a big, um Big thing that's happening right now in our communities.
So, and a lot of children are being taken because of addiction.
So, if we help the addict. we could help these children even before, um, parents, um Get their children taken away after the children are in foster care. You can also rally around, you know. biological families, we have been known to send beds. With the children, we have been known to have social or cane pick up a toddler bed because there was a family that.
Their children were going home, but the only thing preventing them from going home was because they didn't have any beds.
So that's something the church can do, help. You know, these families that are in recovery or trying to get their children back, help them with groceries, help them. figure out, you know, how to um get furniture for their house, everything that could prevent a child from going home. is a lot of times easy to you know, the church could help with that. How how do you think because you had kind of mentioned That you know, people within the congregation, that there could be people that maybe they're in the congregation and eventually their kids get taken because of neglect or they needed help within the church.
How can the church reach out to people that aren't in their congregation? Because I would assume, and you can correct me if I'm wrong, are most of these families within churches, or are most of these families outside of churches, and therefore churches need to have more of a community outreach?
So you'd be surprised. There is a lot of people that actually have church bases. That their children are being taken in these communities around where I live. Um a lot of the children come from backgrounds of going to church.
So, um Low-income families, a lot of them. And then The community outreach is great. Like there is like our church per se, they have something called Celebrate Recovery. The people that go to that, a lot of them are either in active addiction or have dealt with it.
So they they have kids that have been taken away a lot, you know, not Not in my church, I don't know anyone really in my church because I've never been to that, but I know of people that go to programs like that. That have gotten their children taken away.
So, embracing those people, being there for those people, asking them what we can do to help you get your children back, stuff like that. That church should be doing that. It's beautiful when you think about it that You know what it says in 1 Peter that if you love each other fervently, and there's the challenge: we go to church with them, do we get to know them? Do we like? Do we even know that something happened to them?
Like, and pushing in to do life with people. whether they're in your church or out of your, you know, if they're your next door neighbor or wherever. If we would just go below the surface and you know, try to love on the people that it You know, it's amazing how often we find out. Because what you said, how can the church know? But we need to remember, we need to stop.
Making the church the building. We are the church.
So we know the church, the big church, big C, we know our neighbors, and we have to act like the church. And we don't have to talk just about the people in the congregation. It's children in school, the children. That your child comes home and said, Hey, I shared my snack with little Joe because he had nothing to eat. Or, I've been, you know, not having, I've been sharing all my food with this kid or that kid because they don't have anything.
That's being the church, but helping to, you know, like making sure that. they get their needs met.
So it's a really good point now. That's a really good point. I don't think that we don't think about that very often, myself included. The fact that the church is like we are all parts of the body of Christ outside of the building, you know, like we are the hands and feet every day in our workplace, in our community, wherever we go. You are that.
I mean, because I know Emily, like, and Recently, you know, my wife had a procedure, and the next thing you know, I get this. $50 certificate for Grubhub, right? Because you knew my wife was going through it. And that. to me is exactly what she's expressed.
Right. And she did that to us. Emily also did that to us when our little guy was in the hospital. Right. Yes.
So you're doing it.
Well, I mean, that's literally just praise to the Lord, but that's what we want hope in the morning to bring about. We want people, you know, actually, the interview that I have after you, she wrote a book. And one of the things she says in there that I think is interesting and pertains to this as well is that there's a difference between empathy and mercy. And empathy without action is completely useless because it just says, like that. Yeah.
I mean, it literally makes me having a hard day, but you're not doing anything to make it better. And that's not what Jesus does for us. Jesus doesn't say, sorry, you're having a hard day. I'll be watching you from up here. You know, he does.
Into our sorrow and says, like, empathy can be useful when we say, how would I feel if I was in this circumstance? What would be helpful to me? Would it be, would respite babysitting be helpful? And there's all kinds of things, but I think that even on when we release this episode, I'm going to put a list on our Instagram of ways that people. Can serve foster families.
And maybe you can even help me come up with a couple ideas for that because I think that there are ways that we can step in and help lessen this burden, which is what we are supposed to be doing. And I think one of the takeaways. If you don't mind, like on my blog, I do Blessing Wednesday and where all these, I have this. Graphic, and I say, hey. Foster parents, drop your wish lists below for things that you need, and it has been such a blessing to my family because, um.
You know, it's I have a lot of kids that eat a lot. And um And having medical kids, sometimes you just can't get there. And, you know, these wish lists and stuff like that is just a little resource, and it has been a blessing to so many people because sometimes it's not that bag of chips that got delivered. It was like, oh, somebody was thinking of us. Kind of thing.
And even just nothing, people can go on your blog or on you're on Facebook. That's where I follow you on your blog at the Feathered Nest blog. And on Wednesdays, go on there, pick a wish list, bless a family. I mean, you can do it from your couch. You know, I mean, if you feel like I can't get certified right now to be a respite family, because that does take some certification and background checks, that kind of thing.
But If you can't do that, there are other ways that you can serve, and we want to do that. And as we conclude this episode, I just wanted to say: first of all, I want to quote the verse that you had said because it is so important. In James 1:27, it says that pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this. to visit orphans and widows in their distress. And to keep oneself unstained by the world.
And ordinary believers can make an extraordinary difference when we step in, when we decide to be that mercy for somebody else. And don't just get caught up in your own world. Enter into somebody else's and be the active hands and feet of Christ. Christiana, thank you so much for joining us today. We really appreciate it.
Thank you guys so much for having me. Join us next week on Hope in the Morning. Hope in the Morning is a non-profit ministry that seeks to encourage the hurting, equip those who walk beside them, and evangelize the lost with the hope of Jesus Christ. To partner with our ministry or to make a donation in your loved one's honor, please visit hopeinthemorning.org. Your donation helps keep these stories of hope on the air and helps tangibly meet the needs of the hurting.
