We're beginning to accelerate through the Proverbs now as we make our way through the second half of the book. I'm not attempting to comment on every verse in the book of Proverbs. Instead, I'm trying to spend at least some time considering most of the main topics contained in the book.
So we'll be skipping around some as we take a more topical approach moving forward. And in fact, this is one of the ways you might read the book of Proverbs. I like to read through, say, a chapter or so in Proverbs with my notebook or laptop open, and as I read, I categorize each Proverb, each sentence, according to its Primary topic.
Some proverbs might address more than one topic, but most of them have a clear primary topic. Once I've categorized a chapter like this, I can begin to take note of any prominent subjects in that chapter.
Well, as I read through chapters 17 and 18 this past week, I noticed that one of the prominent themes of both chapters has to do with quarrels and strife between people.
So the topic of strife or contention or quarrels is a very prominent subject in these two chapters. It's also not a topic that we've given much consideration to thus far in our journey through Proverbs.
So let's take a few minutes today and see what Proverbs has to say about strife.
Now, I've already done the categorizing work, so I'm going to just read the eight verses from Proverbs 17 and 18 that make some kind of direct reference to contention between people. We'll begin with Proverbs 17 and verse 1. Proverbs 17.1. Better is a dry morsel with quiet than a dry. than a house full of feasting with strife.
seventeen nine Whoever covers an offense seeks love but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. 1714. The beginning of strife is like letting out water.
So quit before the quarrel breaks out. Seventeen, nineteen, whoever loves transgression loves strife. He who makes his door high seeks destruction. Proverbs 18, verse 6. A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating.
eighteen seventeen. The one who states his case first seems right. until the other comes and examines him. Eighteen eighteen the lot puts an end to quarrels, and decides between powerful contenders. 1819, a brother offended.
is more unyielding than a strong city. And quarreling is like the bars. of a castle. Let's pray. Lord, we don't like contention, and yet we find that our lives are so often embroiled in it.
And it it wears us down and deters us from doing the things we ought to be giving ourselves to. how wonderful life would be if we could just avoid strife. But Lord, on the other hand, there are times in this fallen world when we need to fight for truth, to fight for justice, to fight for what is right.
Some of us are more disposed to that fight than others.
Some of us, truth be told, enjoy that fight too much.
Some of us confuse the godly fight for truth and justice with. The ungodly fight that simply wants to preserve and promote self.
So Lord, we need wisdom. today to know how to navigate the The tricky terrain of of strife, of contention. Please teach us how to both fight and How and when to surrender. Grant us the peace that Comes from being children of a God who is sovereign and yet kind. I pray these things in the name of the one who has broken down walls of hostility between not only man and man, but between God and man.
The Lord Jesus Christ, who is our peace, Amen. You know, I've never heard anyone say, I just really enjoy strife. I find great delight when contention is present. I've known people who act like they enjoy contention and strife, but I've never heard anyone acknowledge I just really like a good quarrel. And yet, everybody has some measure of strife in their life.
We have disagreements with our boss. We have spats with our spouse. We have trouble with our children. We have friends who sometimes annoy us. We even have strife within our own hearts at times, don't we?
Have you ever had an argument with yourself? I was driving from point A to point B around lunchtime the other day, and I decided to grab a bite to eat at a particular drive-through restaurant. And when my car got there, I told myself I didn't really want to eat there. I want to go somewhere else. I can't even agree with myself sometimes.
It just seems that strife contention Quarrelsomeness is an inevitable part of life. And yet, most of us, if given an easy button that would remove all contention and strife from our lives, would push that button in a heartbeat. We don't like strife. We like peace. We don't like Fighting, we like.
Peace.
Okay.
Well, there is a time to fight. There is a time for unavoidable strife. But this sermon today is not about that because the verses we're considering are not about that. These proverbs that we've just read, and so this sermon, are about understanding some of the causes of unnecessary strife so as to avoid them and preserve peace. These verses that we're going to look at help us identify actions and attitudes and thought patterns that often lead to contentious relationships and fruitless arguments that damage ourselves and damage others.
God has not called us to that kind of fighting. And sometimes, in this heated, polarized world we live in, we confuse the real fights. that we ought to be having. You know, fights in defense of God's glory and the gospel and biblical truth. We confuse those with selfish fights that are really simply attempts to defend our own honor or prove our own point or maintain our preeminence or maybe our convenience.
There is a time for war. But there's also a time for peace. And we won't be very good at discerning the difference if we don't stop and consider some of the underlying causes of ungodly strife.
Well, Proverbs 17 and 18. contain eight verses that highlight eight causes of strife. Or we might call them eight enemies of peace. The first of these is found right there in verse 1 of chapter 17, and it's this: Strife arises when I place greater value on lesser things. Strife arises when I place greater value on lesser things.
Verse 1, better is a dry morsel with quiet. than a house full of feasting with strife. This sentence points to the relative importance of various blessings. Feasting is obviously better than meager eating. And peace in the home is obviously better than strife.
But peace in the home is also better than feasting. And so we learned that we ought to desire peace more than we desire feasting, even though both are good things. When the choice is between something good and something bad, we know that we ought to choose the good thing. But when the choice is between something good and something better, It's often less than obvious that we ought to choose the better thing. It's often more difficult for us to desire what is better or best more than we desire what is merely good.
And so we tend to elevate lesser graces, maybe visible graces, over graces that are perhaps less visible or obvious, but far more important. See, both peace and prosperity are good things. But Peace is more good. It's better than prosperity. If we don't acknowledge that Blessings in life often come with a pecking order, a hierarchy of relative importance and value.
Then we run the risk of attaching our affections to some lesser thing, such as feasting. And we forfeit the greater blessing of something like peace.
Now our lesser thing might not be feasting. It might not be food and prosperity, like verse 1 says. It might be maybe reputation or influence or credibility. All important things in their own right. But Proverbs 17, 1 is cautioning us against the danger of foolishly welcoming strife into our lives by thinking that some particular issue is far more important than it really is.
Have you ever found yourself just ready to go to the mat over some issue? Maybe it's a decision at work, only to realize a month later that it really wasn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things. You were ready to resign over some. burr in your saddle that turned out not to be a burr at all. These kinds of things expose our tendency to be all upside down over lesser things, and the cost is that we create unnecessary contention and we forfeit peace.
Sometimes we need to learn to be content with dry morsels in order to preserve peace. We see a second principle in verse 9. Of chapter 17, and it's that strife arises when I am unable to absorb wrongs done against me. Strife arises when I'm unable to absorb wrongs done against me. Proverbs 17, 9.
Whoever covers an offense. And that word implies a moral offense, a sin, a transgression. Whoever covers an offense seeks love. but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.
Now we need to remember that these Proverbs don't always tell the whole story. They have to be interpreted and applied in the larger context of all of life's situations. And so we can acknowledge that there are times when we should not cover the moral offenses of others. There's a time when sin ought to be exposed, guilt ought to be addressed, discipline ought to be administered, and sometimes very publicly. But this proverb makes the point that there are also times when a person's guilt ought to not be made public or broadcast to the four corners of the earth.
That's not to condone sin. Rather, it is an act of peace-preserving. Grace to do this. Think about it. God knows all of our sin, right?
And yet, though he could, he doesn't allow the full extent of our sinful black hearts to be exposed for all the world to see.
Sometimes he does expose our guilt. But more often than not, he convicts and he restores and he forgives graciously and without the full chastening and consequence that our sins deserve. When we become aware of someone else's besetting sin, Or maybe their past secret failures, it's not necessarily our place to expose them or confront them.
Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.
Sometimes it's our place to treat them as if they have not wronged us. even when they have.
Sometimes it's our place to clear the record of offenses, to forgive as we have been forgiven when there's been repentance and restitution. 1 Corinthians 13 describes it like this. Love keeps no record of wrong. Love keeps no record. of wrong.
We may not like the offender. We may enjoy keeping their failures in our short-term memory bank. We may find it irresistible to share those failures with other people so that they can think equally bad of our enemies with us. The Bible calls that gossip. Verse 9 tells us that strife is nurtured through gossip.
Contention is promoted through an unforgiving spirit. If we want to seek peace and avoid strife, we have to learn to absorb the wrongs done against us. And that is no easy task for sons of Adam, is it? Our natural bent is to yell foul whenever an injustice is done against us, but to be quick to plead for mercy when we perpetrate an injustice against others.
Solomon says in this verse, reverse that tendency. And you will avoid unnecessary strife, and you will preserve peace. Verse fourteen highlights another principle that leads to contention. And it's that strife arises when I fail to identify the sinful attitude beneath the quarrel. Strife arises when I fail to identify the sinful attitude beneath the quarrel.
Verse 14: The beginning of strife is like letting out water.
So quit before the quarrel breaks out. Now, there are a couple of synonyms in this verse that have slightly different meanings. The word strife in the ESV is translating a Hebrew word that refers to discord with others in a sort of general way. It emphasizes the disposition, the attitude of someone who is quarrelsome. The word quarrel in the second half of the verse is translating a different Hebrew word, and it refers not to a general disposition or attitude that is quarrelsome.
Instead, it refers more specifically to the fallout, the consequence of that attitude. It refers to the fight that ensues.
So verse 14 is saying that if you harbor and nurture a generally contentious attitude towards others, that attitude is going to grow and eventually explode into visible, outward, damaging fights with others. Attitudes turn into actions. Strife in the heart eventually turned into quarrels to the face. It's like a dam that develops a fault line. The pressure of the water behind the dam will eventually burst the dam.
It might just be a trickle today, but it's going to be a destructive flood tomorrow if it isn't dealt with properly.
So what is the proper way to deal with that? With Strife's Tendencies, strife's tendency to escalate quickly.
Solomon's proverb tells us that the way to avoid the fight. Is to quit your contentious disposition before it erupts into a quarrel. If we wait until we're in the position of trying to win an argument with someone, it's often too late. If the argument can be avoided altogether, the the quarrel is settled before it begins. Have you ever Found yourself caught in a debate, maybe with your spouse, over a non-issue.
Not a hill to die on kind of a thing, but you just can't let it go. You want your wife or your husband to know you are right. You've got to win the argument, not because the matter in question is all that big of a deal, but because your honor and integrity are at stake. And so you assemble the imaginary courtroom and go at it. You know, you may win the argument, but you've lost fellowship with your spouse in the process.
You've lost communion. You've lost trust, you've lost intimacy, friendship. with your spouse. And it could have all been avoided if you just recognized that your attitude, your disposition from the outset was wrong. Fix the root cause of strife.
which is often the disposition of the heart. The need to be proven right, the need to win the debate. Fix that and the quarrel never erupts. Verse 19, I think, explains a tendency that often leads to the situation described back in verse 14. It's that strife arises when I have developed a taste.
for offensiveness. Strife arises when I've developed a taste for offensiveness. Verse 19: Whoever loves transgression loves strife. He who makes his door high seeks destruction. When Solomon refers to someone who loves Transgression.
He could be referring to someone who loves offending people. Or he could be referring to someone who loves when others get offended. They, for whatever reason, just enjoy the drama of offense. And the point is that if we love offensiveness, we will love the fruit of offensiveness. If we enjoy people getting offended, we will enjoy and therefore pursue what follows, which is strife, contention, quarreling.
It's weird. It's perverted. But it's nonetheless a reality in the fallen world. There are people who just like to fight. They have a taste.
For offensiveness.
Well, the warning for this kind of individual then is found in the second half of the proverb, and it's sort of a strange-sounding warning. It says, he who makes his door high seeks destruction. The commentators I read on this verse agree that this is a difficult sentence to make sense of.
Some think that making your door high refers to a faulty architectural design. If a door is constructed incorrectly, it'll fail. Others believe that the high door is just a metaphor for arrogance. If you are arrogant, you will be brought low. Pride cometh before the fall.
It could refer to the way we just often keep people safely at arm's length to avoid having to love them or sacrifice for them or put up with their immaturity. Whatever make your door high means, It ends in destruction, so it's not a good thing, is it? If you love a good fight. An unnecessary contention a pointless debate. And the strife that ensues, you are delighting in something that will eventually ruin relationships and destroy peace.
I knew a man who was that guy. The guy who loves to argue and fight and win the debate and run all over people mercilessly in the process. I think we've all known that guy, right?
Sometimes we are that guy. But God began to do a work in the heart of this man whom I knew. God began to show this man that Christ did not treat him like he was treating others. Christ, who alone could justly run over everyone and mercilessly win every debate and send us out of His presence for an eternity, instead shows kindness and tenderness to us. Christ, who Scripture says will not even break a bruised reed that deserves to be thrown into the fire, shows us mercy and grace and extends to us long suffering with patience.
Now, if Christ loves us like that, we ought to love others like that. If we love unnecessary strife more than we love people, Call it what you will. We're not imitating Christ. If you see in yourself a taste for contentiousness. If your life leaves in its wake a path of broken relationships and wounded people, you need to stop.
You need to become someone different. You say, how do I know if I'm that person?
Well, you're probably that person if you're doing mental gymnastics right now, trying to defend your love of strife. Maybe this change in heart ought to begin with you simply trying to see how long you can go without picking a fight. Without poking the dog, without stoking the fire of contention with your spouse, with your child, with your parent, with your colleagues. Very briefly, then, verse 6 of chapter 18 tells us that strife arises when I am too quick to speak. Strife arises when I'm too quick to speak.
Verse 6, a fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. We've already acknowledged that there is a time to fight, but the wise man sees a fight as a last resort, while the fool is just primed all the time for an argument. A fool goes looking for a fight with his words, with his lips. The consequence is that he gets beaten up instead. One theologian described the fool's speech as a whip that ricochets back and flogs himself.
If you start a fight because you just love strife, don't complain when you get beat up. We're often quick to start a fight because we're quick to judge, too quick to judge. Verse 17 makes that point: Strife arises when I am too quick. To judge, look at verse 17. The one who states his case first.
Seems right. until the other comes and examines him. It's like the child in the car who innocently says, Father, I was just sitting in the back seat, and my sister, for no apparent reason, yelled at me and struck me with her fist. And the father replies, Son, that's terrible. Daughter, why would you do such a thing?
And the daughter reveals, because my brother kicked me when I wouldn't give him the toy that he was playing with. And it turns out the son conveniently left that part out of the story for the sake of his own defense and self-preservation.
Sometimes witnesses are selective in what they tell. or what they withhold. That's why the Bible enforces the very wise principle of not convicting someone. except on the basis of the mouth of two or three witnesses. Strife is often the result of making hasty judgments.
Verse 18 asserts that strife arises when I neglect God's means of resolution. Strife arises when I neglect God's means. of resolution. Verse 18, the lot puts an end to quarrels. and decides between powerful contenders.
Now, this is an interesting proverb. We don't have a lot of time to dig deeply into it, but the concept of a lot is perhaps foreign and strange to us. In the Old Testament, the Urim and Thummim were lots of sorts that were used to confirm God's hidden decrees. In time, the Urim and Thummum seem to have Been gradually superseded by the word of the prophets, the men who were called by God to speak for the Lord. Perhaps the corresponding modern-day equivalent to the Old Testament lot.
Would be the elders of the church as they decide on matters such as disciplinary cases that cannot be resolved otherwise. Interestingly, 1 Peter 5, 3 exhorts the elders of the church to exercise faithfully and graciously their authority over those in their charge, literally those in their lot. which is the Greek word from which we get our English word clergy. In the early church, clerics or those with formal religious duties or offices were often chosen by lot. We see an example of this in Acts 1, as the church selected an apostle to replace Judas.
So in Proverbs 18:18, then, the lot refers to some objective, authoritative means of settling a dispute, settling a quarrel. We have various means of doing that very thing today. In the legal realm, we have a judicial system with its courts and judges. In the ecclesiastical realm, we also have a system of courts with elders and presbyteries who function, among other things, as third parties to resolve disputes. It stands to reason, then, doesn't it, that when we neglect the means God has given us to resolve strife, we'll actually increase strife.
Use the means then which God has given.
Well, the last principle we discover is found in verse 19. And it's that strife arises. when I hurt those who love and trust me the most. Strife arises when I hurt those Who love and trust me the most. Verse 19.
A brother. offended. is more unyielding than a strong city, and quarrelling is like the bars of a castle. The closer that two people in a conflict are to each other, the greater the strife, the greater the damage, and the greater the difficulty in repairing the breach. It's like trying to conquer a walled city.
This is why strife within a family or within a church among Christian brothers and sisters is so much more devastating and difficult to navigate than strife between, say, a believer. and his unbelieving neighbor.
Well As we close. Let me share a quick story and make a final point. I grew up with three sisters, no brothers. I was the only boy. I was the third born.
As I became a teenager and started to experience all the teenager-y stuff that goes with that age, my oldest sister and I went through what could accurately be called a strife-filled. phase. She thought she should be in charge because after all she was the oldest. I thought I should be in charge because after all I was the only boy.
Well, we would frequently just lock horns and battle for turf. And those battles, to our shame, could get pretty heated at times. But I can remember to this day that whenever one of our parents would come upon one of our epic battles, we would both fall silent. and defer to the real authority in the room, our dad, our mom. When a parent arrived, our anger at each other gave way to fear of the parent.
And if We weren't right with a parent. It really didn't matter which one of us got to rule the roost among the siblings. Peace with the true authority is what really mattered. What is the worst strife you've experienced? Maybe it's a divorce.
Maybe a broken relationship with a child. In fact, what is the the worst strife imaginable in the world? Maybe nuclear war, maybe World War III. Our strife with each other, no matter how big we perceive it to be, pales in comparison to the strife sinners have when God shows up. A rift between a creature and his creator is the worst strife possible.
But listen, beloved, God has brought an end to that strife. Hebrews 6 says that by a promise which God Himself has sworn, He has made an end of all strife. And what is that promise?
Well, it's the promise of the gospel. By sending his son into the world to die in our place, God has absorbed his own wrath against us. The parent has walked into the room and dissipated the strife. There need be no more contention because God was pierced. For our offenses, He was crushed for our sorrows.
Upon Him was the punishment that brought us peace. Beloved, if we have peace with God, What strife could we possibly have with man that cannot be overcome? If our strife with God has been resolved, what can man do to me? Yes, man can be unjust. Man can even kill my body?
But God has ended all strife for those who belong to Him and love Him and follow Him. Get right with God, and you'll get right with people. Get right with God, and if people refuse to get right with you, God will deal with them. You can trust God to judge your enemies. He's the avenger of wrongs, not you.
We ought to fight for truth. We ought to fight for the glory of God. We ought to defend Christ and the gospel and the church and the scriptures. But, brothers and sisters, we don't have to fight for ourselves. God will do that.
God has already done that. We don't have to labor to keep our reputations intact or our esteem in the eyes of others elevated. We have God's acceptance. We don't need man's approval. When you find yourself welling up inside with anger.
Or resentment towards another person. Remember this. God has made peace with you through the blood of his Son, Jesus Christ. You don't have to be a slave to strife and contention. You don't have to stay angry and defensive.
At sinfully clueless and hurtful people. You don't have to be enslaved to your own sinful cluelessness. You have peace with God. you can have peace with man.
So put jealousy and envy and anger to death. Put the things that lead to strife. to death. You don't need those things. You have peace with God.
You have eternal hope. You have everlasting life. Peace is better than strife.
So train yourself. to be slow to speak. Quick to listen. Slow to crack open the door of contention, but eager.
So far as it depends upon you, to throw open the door of peace. Let's pray. Lord, thank you. Thank you for making. Peace.
Thank you for. tearing down walls that separate Jew and Gentile. young and old, male and female. Slave and free. Thank you most of all for breaking down the impossible wall that separates.
sinful man from a holy God. Thank you for giving us not merely peace. but even adoption into your family forever.
So now may our gratitude for that divine act of grace. Spill over into every marriage. Every home, every... Relationship represented among your people here today. Guard us.
from strife and give us your peace. Through Jesus, we pray. Amen.
Okay.
