Divine Guidelines for Marriage

Like every other area of their lives, the Corinthians had managed to botch up the area of marriage. They had fouled up everything else.

There was no reason to believe that they would make it in this area. And so Paul writes chapter 7 to deal with their misconceptions and misbehaviors in terms of marriage. One man described his marriage as a workshop.

He works and his wife shops. A woman described her wedding as the moment her husband gave up his bachelor's degree and she got her master's. And then there's the child who described marriage as two adults coming together to yell at the same kids. Obviously, some humorous definitions there, but the truth is, many in today's culture don't know what marriage is supposed to be.

And there's nothing funny about that. Thankfully, the Bible shows you exactly how God designed marriage and what your relationship with your spouse should look like. You'll see that today as John MacArthur continues his study here on Grace to You, titled Restoring Marriage.

And here's John now with today's lesson. Divine Guidelines for Marriage, Divine Guidelines for Marriage, 1 Corinthians 7, 8 to 16. And you know, it's difficult in our world, I think, to maintain a marriage, to maintain any kind of a lasting relationship. And unfortunately, what we experience is not a historical phenomenon that is new.

It's something that has always been around. And if you go to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, you'll find that there was a terrible problem existing in Corinth and it dealt with the whole area of marriage. And that is the problem to which Paul speaks in the seventh chapter. The Corinthians didn't really know what they should do in terms of marriage, or at least they weren't willing to admit what they should do and pose some questions to Paul about it. The first verse of chapter 7 says that you wrote unto me concerning these issues and he proceeds to answer them. Like every other area of their lives, the Corinthians had managed to botch up the area of marriage. They had fouled up everything else.

There was no reason to believe that they would make it in this area. And so Paul writes chapter 7 to deal with their misconceptions and misbehaviors in terms of marriage. They were confused over whether it was right to be single and whether necessary to be single if you're going to be spiritual, or whether it was right to be married and necessary to be married if you were going to be spiritual. The Jews in the congregation, because it was an orthodox Jewish belief, would have propagated the fact that you had to be married. And if you weren't married, you were out of God's will and you were to be excluded from heaven.

On the other hand, there were many people who had a rather growing fascination with celibacy. And they were more concerned with remaining single as a spiritual value. In other words, if they were single, they would be able to give to God a higher devotion. They would move to a higher plane of spiritual life if they weren't married. And there were some who would go as far as to say that sex of any kind was, if nothing else, certainly a misdirection of effort and could well be channeled in the area of service to God rather than attachment to a wife or a husband. Some were saying the truly devoted Christian wouldn't marry at all. Well, this carried so far that truly devoted people who were Christians were saying we ought to get a divorce. In order that we might better serve the Lord, we'll split up.

Or if they wanted to stay together, we will withdraw ourselves from all physical relationship. No more sexual relations in our marriage, we'll just devote ourselves to God and not get dragged into those physical things. So all kinds of problems and confusion ruled the marital scene in Corinth. And they wrote Paul asking for answers.

Basically the questions were these. Is marriage a command? Do you have to be married to please God?

Should single people then marry or is it more spiritual to stay single? And are you a more devoted Christian if you're not married? Another question that came out of this is should married people who become Christians then abstain from all sexual relationship? And should a Christian married to a non-Christian divorce that non-Christian in order not to have a mixed marriage and unite Christ with a pagan?

These were the questions. And the seventh chapter really clearly answers these questions. Now, last time we looked at verses 1 to 7. And we saw in verses 1 to 7 general principle regarding marriage. And what Paul said by way of a brief summary is this, marriage is normal, marriage is for the majority. God has made us to marry. Marriage is good, but marriage is not an absolute commandment for everybody. Because God has, according to verse 7, given some people the charisma or the gift of being single.

The ability by the Holy Spirit to totally control sexual desire. And if that's what God's gifted you with, then your singleness is a unique gift of God and ought to be used for His glory. So, marriage is the norm. It isn't commanded. It isn't an absolute. But it is the norm to avoid fornication, sexual involvement.

You should get married. But for some who have the gift of being single, that's a special blessing of God. And it should be maintained because it puts you in a position to be used by Him in a very unique way.

So, there is the general principle. Marriage is normal. Singleness is the exception. It's a gift of God.

If you have it, then it's something you ought to hold to and cherish as a special gift from God. Now, he takes that principle in verses 8 to 16 and applies it to four groups. Four groups. First group is the single people. Second group is the people who are married and both are Christians. Third group, those married to an unbeliever who wants to stay. Fourth group, those married to an unbeliever who wants out.

Let's look at group one and see how he applies the principle. Those who are unmarried and widows, verse 8. I say therefore, that is therefore meaning on the basis of the principle laid down, I say therefore to the unmarried, and that is a general term including bachelors, maidens, divorcees.

I say to the unmarried and especially to the widows, because of course they had a unique situation, having been married and knowing all the joys of marriage and having been separated, not because they wish to be, but because of death and the trauma that that brings, I say then to the unmarried and especially to widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. It's good to be single. If you're a bachelor, that's good. If you're a maiden who's never been married, that's good. If you're a widow or a widower, that's good. There's nothing wrong with that.

And good means beneficial, excellent, and just good. It isn't wrong. Don't listen to those orthodox Jews who are saying if you're not married, you're abnormal.

And you know, we tend to fall into that category. We find some poor young person who's about 28 and we want to play cupid all the time. You've got to get married. You can't just go through that. You've got to start looking. We want to push these people into getting married.

Don't do that. God may have given them the gift of celibacy. And if so, then maybe being married is in violation of God's very best for their life. There are some things in this world that single people are needed to do. It's all right if you've got somebody who's saying, I've got to get married. You can help them.

But if somebody just – and they need help, see. But if you have somebody who has no interest in that and they feel that God has given them the gift of being able to control sexual desire outside of marriage, then let it be that way and God will fulfill them in a very unique way. He simply says here, it is a good thing for them if they abide even as I. And of course, at this time Paul was single. He may have been married since marriage appears to be a necessity for a member of the Sanhedrin which he once was. It is, however, likely that his wife died before he was converted and his time of ministry for Christ was always as a single individual, as best we can tell. And so, once he had been widowed, if that is the case indeed, then he maintained that because God gave him that gift, that charisma of celibacy, that ability to be single and not to be preoccupied with sex and marriage.

So it's a good thing. Look at verse 25. Now concerning virgins or unmarried people, I have no commandment of the Lord. The Lord never said anything about the unmarried, never told anybody to get married.

He just spoke about the marriages that already existed. No commandment. Yet I'm going to give my judgment as one that obtained mercy of the Lord.

Now I'm going to add some revelation to this. I suppose, therefore, that this is good for the present distress. I say it is good for a man so to be. Are you bound to a wife? Don't seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Don't seek a wife.

In other words, I guess he would, from just a practical standpoint, in the world you live in, the sexually messed up world of Corinth, it might just be to your advantage to stay the way you are. If you're single, then just stay that way. If you're married, stay that way for sure. But verse 28 says, if you marry, you haven't sinned.

If a virgin marries, she hasn't. It's no sin to get married, but it might be to your advantage to stay single. Nevertheless, such shall have trouble in the flesh, but I spare you. I'd like to spare you the trouble that marriage brings, and it does bring trouble. Don't make a big issue out of marriage if it isn't a necessity for you.

It's all right. You won't sin. But if God has given you the ability to be single, cherish that ability because of its lack of encumbrance, you have a special way in which you can serve God. That's kind of an exciting thing.

This is a very special gift that renders you capable of serving God in a very unique way. Now, I realize that there are pressures in being single, especially of all the current emphasis on marriage and the family, and you kind of feel like a fifth wheel. And I was reading in the Times where they say that at the holiday season it's worse than ever. Single people, particularly single parents, feel really left out. There's no need to feel that way. If God has given you the gift of celibacy or if God has allowed you to be single for the time, accept that as His plan. There's nothing wrong with being single.

Paul advocates it. You know, Jesus had a conversation with the disciples, I ought to show it to you, Matthew 19, in which they concluded that it would probably be better to be single. In Matthew 19, Jesus is talking about marriage and He's giving all the things about marriage and how that you're not to put your wife away except for fornication and so forth. And after He got done with all His speech and the Lord really laid down some strong guidelines for marriage, verse 10, Matthew 19, His disciples say unto Him, if the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.

In other words, men, with all of that going on, it would be better never to get married to begin with. Yes, Jesus said, but all men can't receive this saying except they to whom it is given. And here the Lord indicated that it would be fine if everybody stayed single, but everybody can't handle that. And He gives us the introduction of the concept of the charisma of verse 7 of 1 Corinthians 7, that you have to have a special gift to be single and not be preoccupied with sex. Now, being single opens up all kinds of potential for you to serve the Lord. We should never take somebody who is content with being single and force them into a situation where they think they're not fulfilled and they have to get married. It isn't true. If you're unmarried or widowed, it's a good thing and you can stay that way.

That's fine. You don't have to get married. But, verse 9, if they can't have self-control, let them marry for it's better to marry than to burn. If you can't handle being single, get married.

Now, we're talking about Christians. Some of you may say, well, I don't have that gift, but I can't seem to get married. And the truth of the matter may be that you have sinned in the past, you have violated the principles of God, so you're not in a position now where God is going to bless you with marriage, or maybe you've disqualified yourself by former marriages and sin and so forth and so on.

But just taking it from point blank zero, let's say you're just a new Christian or you're starting out, here is God's standard. It is good if God's given you the gift, but if not, then marry. And I believe that assumes that God will provide a partner. How could God command you to marry and not provide a partner?

Not listen to me, people. If you're not the right person, you'll never meet the right partner. That's the whole key. If you're not the right person, you'll never meet the right partner. So, instead of looking for the right girl, start being the right man. And girls, instead of looking for the right man, start being the right woman. And then the right man will recognize the right woman. And so, let them marry.

Now, that's an aorist imperative command. Get married. It's better to marry than to burn. If you're going around just flaming on the inside with desire, then get married. There's no point in saying, well, I'm remaining single for the cause of Christ. See, that is, you know, that's ridiculous.

There's no value in that at all. If you're burning with sexual desire, present tense continues. You continue to burn, then please get married.

Marriage, for one thing, will bring about the fulfillment of that physical desire. You know, it's never, it seems to amaze me. Some couple will come to me and they'll say, John, we just got engaged. You know, and they're real excited and kind of funny looking face. You know how you get when you get engaged.

Sort of happy, but apprehensive. And show you the ring and, well, when you're going to get married, oh, we're going to get married in two years. Two years?

You know, I hear that, or a year. We have to wait until we get some money or... Listen, it is better to marry than to burn. And if you're going to go through two years, like this, there is no point in it. Once you've made that commitment, you put yourself in a position to be tempted and to see your spiritual life just fade away. Once you've made that vow, get married. Marriage is to help you in that area.

There is no advantage in long engagements. Listen, parents, when your kids come home and say they're engaged, you tell them, get married. Get married fast. Well, don't we want you to wait and finish your four years of college and... You know what you do for the time they're engaged?

You destroy their spiritual life. Because they can't control the desire, because the commitment is already there, see? Paul is saying it's fine to be single, and if you have the gift of celibacy, don't let anybody push you into getting married. But if you decide to get married, let everybody push you into it. Get it going. Get married.

Your singleness is excellent. You say, well, you know, I don't have the gift, but I'm just waiting for the right partner. What do I do? How do I control my desire in the meantime?

Well, that's a fair question, and we're not really approaching that problem this morning. Well, let me give you just some hints that I thought of. How can I, as a single person who is waiting for the fulfillment of my physical desire, waiting for the right man, how can I control myself? Well, here are some thoughts that you can expand on. Number one would be channel your energy through physical work and spiritual service. Redirect yourself to good physical work and spiritual service.

This gives your energy an outlet. Secondly, don't seek to be married. Seek to love and let marriage come as a response. People who are always wanting to get married will marry the wrong person more often than not. But people who are seeking to find the fulfillment of love will marry the person they fall in love with.

Don't seek to get married. You know, that's when you go out and you go home and immediately you take out your note. Let's see, A on this one, B on this one, C on that. You check them off. Well, he's close enough.

I'll take him if he asks. See? Well, what you're doing, you see, is you're letting marriage be the issue rather than the right person becoming the issue. Seek to be loved and to love, not to be married. Don't worry, marriage will take care of itself. Thirdly, let go of a sex-mad, adulterous world.

And what I mean by that is watch what you absorb of the system. Fourthly, program your mind with divine realities. Program your mind.

It's amazing, but your behavior is a direct result of the programming of your mind with divine truth. Fifth, recognize that for now God has chosen for you to live without sex. And recognize this, there is no temptation that has taken you but such as is common to man. God is faithful, will not allow you to be tempted, what? Above that you're able, but will with the temptation make what? A way of escape. You may be able to bear it. Sixth, avoid potentially dangerous situations. That's like Joseph.

He just ran. Seventh, thank and praise God for the state you're in and be content. You have to approach it from these standpoints. All right, Paul then says, if you're single, great. If you can't handle it, get married. So, there is no command that everybody has to marry or that spirituality is being single. No.

All right, second group. And here comes practical advice to those who are married to a Christian. This includes most of us. We have Christian husbands, Christian wives. Now, what does he say to us? Verse 10 and 11. And unto the married, now you say, how do you know they're Christians? Because he speaks to the ones that are mixed marriages beginning in verse 12. So, we know that here he's speaking to Christians.

You'll see that in a minute. Under the married I command, yet it is nigh, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband. Now, to the married. We said that in Rome there were at least four different ways to get married, right? In the Roman Empire, slaves living in tent companionship, common law marriage, what we called useless marriage where it was sort of you buy the wife, you pay a certain amount. And then there was the great, big, confariatio, noble type marriage.

By whatever form. The Bible just says, well, whatever way it was, now the issue isn't how you got into it, but the issue is stay where you are. If you're married, look at it.

I command, yet it isn't really me doing this. The Lord has given us the word on this. Let not the wife depart from her husband. And here he's simply saying Jesus already had something to say about it.

Matthew 5-32, Matthew 19-9, and Mark 10, 11, and 12. All three of those passages our Lord Jesus Christ says stay married. Do not divorce. Notice, it says at the end of verse 10, let not the wife depart.

The word depart is a technical term for divorce. Don't divorce your partner. You say, well, why would two Christians want to divorce? Well, in Corinth, you see, they were saying, well, celibacy is the only way to go.

Once you become a Christian, you've got to drop all the physical part, and you've got to devote yourself to Christ. We will now divorce and separate and give ourselves to Christ. He says, forget it.

Don't do that. Don't divorce. There is no divorce tolerated among Christians. God hates divorce.

Malachi 2, I hate putting away, God says. I hate divorce. He condemned the Israelites. He says, you have done treacherously against the wife of your youth. You're divorcing one another. Now, some of the Corinthians had already done it.

Too late. Two Corinthian Christians, they had decided they ought to get a divorce for spiritual reasons, quote unquote. Can you imagine how that would run? If the Bible says you may get a divorce if you want to devote yourself totally to the Lord.

Can you imagine what would happen? Everybody would be using that excuse just to get rid of the partner they didn't want. Well, we are divorcing for spiritual reasons. The truth of the matter is, he'd been trying to shed her for years and he just found a verse to proof it, you know. So, God doesn't allow that.

There must be a continuous union. No, let not the wife depart. But some had already done it. Some had already done it. Verse 11, but if she does depart, now that assumes that somebody in Corinth had already done it. Too late.

It's already happened. What are the consequences? Let her remain what? Unmarried, single the rest of her life, or be reconciled to her husband. Only two choices if Christians divorce.

They either stay single all the rest of their life, or they come together again to reconcile. Now, let me add a footnote. Very important footnote. Paul here is not dealing with a case of adultery. That is foreign to his discussion. In cases of adultery, listen to me, divorce was allowed among Christians. Where one Christian commits an adulterous act, God allows for a breaking of that marriage bond. Matthew 5 32, I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except for the cause of fornication. And that can be sexual sin of all kinds, except for the cause of fornication causes her to commit adultery, and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced, commits adultery. Except for fornication, no divorce, but in the case of fornication, God says there is divorce. Matthew 19 9, same thing. And I say, whosoever shall put away his wife, except for fornication, and marry another, commits adultery. The only ground that Jesus ever gave for the dissolution of a marriage was sexual immorality.

And when that occurs, there is the right to divorce. That is very clear, even in the case of Joseph. You remember that in Matthew 1, Joseph was shocked when he found out that Mary was pregnant.

Remember that? Because he knew Mary and he knew that it was totally out of character for her to be pregnant. He knew he hadn't done it. They had had no relationships. Matthew 1 19, Joseph, her husband, being a just man, not willing to make her a public example, was minded to divorce her privately. Listen, Joseph had every right to divorce Mary if she had become pregnant by another person. And the Bible says, Joseph, her husband, being a what kind of man? Just man, a righteous man. Listen, he acted righteously in a desire to divorce a wife who had committed adultery. Now, he found out that she hadn't.

The wonderful story was the Holy Spirit had conceived within her the Christ child. But you see, it is a just thing to put away a wife for the cause of adultery or for a wife to put away or divorce a husband for that cause. Only that cause. But in this text, 1 Corinthians, that is not the issue. For any other reason than that, there is no tolerance of divorce. No, says Paul, apart from sexual sin, no divorce. If you've done it already, then you have to stay single the rest of your life because that union, that one union was never broken. You're stuck single all your life or you can be reconciled to your husband. And you can be sure in the case of real obedience that they would do that second thing if it was still possible. And then he reverses it in verse 11 and says, Let not the husband put away his wife, as well as the wife not putting away her husband.

All right, what has he said? To be single is good. Stay single if you have the gift. If you're married to a Christian, stay married and fulfill every aspect of marriage.

The physical, we talked about it in verses 3 through 5. Don't deprive one another sexually. Fulfill every part of marriage. Fulfill it to its limits. This is Grace to You with John MacArthur.

Thanks for being with us. John is the pastor of Grace Community Church. He's chancellor of the Masters University and Seminary. And his current study is called Restoring Marriage. Well, one thing I'm noticing through this study is that God says a lot about marriage. It's a key theme in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. But John, does Scripture also explain why God created marriage in the first place and what marriage may reveal about the character of God? Yeah, in Genesis we read that we're created in God's image.

Part of that image, and there are a lot of aspects to it, but part of that image is a relationship because God is a Trinity, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So to be created in God's image means to be designed for a relationship. And that's why marriage is called the grace of life.

It is to reflect in its fullest sense the image of God. It is also for the purpose of procreation. It is also for the purpose of purity so that one is not tempted to sin and sin in an immoral way.

You need to have your own wife and your own husband. But God's design for marriage also is to produce a generation of righteous people. That is why, way back in the book of Deuteronomy, the children of Israel were told to basically raise children and teach them to love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength.

In the New Testament, we're instructed to bring up children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. So for all those reasons, God has designed marriage. And he has designed a unique role for the husband and a unique role for the wife not to be confounded or confused or reversed. This is so confusing today that I think it's time for us to offer something free that has had a very great impact for really decades now. And it's a book called Divine Design.

We're deeply concerned about the state of marriage, the indifference to marriage that's manifest in young people, and the confusion of what marriage is manifest in the culture, and the difficulty that some married people even have in getting along. So the book is Divine Design. It gives you everything the Word of God has to say about a marriage and what a marriage could and should be, and how it can flourish the delicate issue of women and the role they play, the idea of male leadership and strength and what that means. If you've never contacted us before, we will send you a free copy of Divine Design as a way of introducing you to Grace Thew.

And, of course, it's available for those of you who are part of our family very reasonably priced. So order a copy of Divine Design today, particularly if you're new. We'll send it to you as a gift. Yes, we will, and I am not sure if there's a more practical resource to help you understand and live out the unique roles God gives to men and women. Again, we'll send you the book called Divine Design for free if you've never contacted us before.

Get in touch today. The number here, 855-GRACE, or go to our website, gty.org. Whether you're preparing for marriage or you are a newlywed or if you've been married for years, Divine Design will show you how to make your marriage what God intends it to be. It lays out a pathway to blessing in your home, and with a discussion guide in the back, this is an ideal resource to go through with a small group. If you have never contacted us before, call us for your free book, 855-GRACE, or go to gty.org. Now, if the biblical teaching you hear on Grace to You has helped you better understand what it means to obey Christ at home, on the job, or in the church, or if someone you know has come to faith in Christ after hearing this broadcast, we would love to hear your story. You can send your e-mail to letters at gty.org, or you can drop a letter in the mail to Grace to You, Box 4000, Panorama City, California, 91412. Now for John MacArthur, I'm Phil Johnson, encouraging you to join us tomorrow when John continues his series, Restoring Marriage with another 30 minutes of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace to You. .