God's Pattern for Children, Part 2 B

God has established what is right and apart from God, you can't know what is right. And the only way you can raise your children right is to raise them according to the Word of God. So we teach our children what is right. We call them to obedience as if they were obeying the Lord because we are passing His Word, His will to them. Welcome to Grace to You with John MacArthur.

I'm your host, Phil Johnson. What do children need most? If you ask that question in a survey, you'd get answers like a good education, a positive encouragement, unconditional love. Now, those things are all good things.

They're even necessary things. But none of them addresses the most important issue for children, namely their need for salvation. So how can you raise your kids so that as much as it depends on you, they will commit their lives to Christ?

Consider that today on Grace to You as John MacArthur continues his study, The Fulfilled Family. Now here's John with a look at God's pattern for children. God has established what is right. And of course, that's a major component in the problem today that parents have is they don't know what is right.

There is no moral standard as we've been learning. When these parents come through university education, they're basically taught there is no right. And then how can you teach your child what is right if there is no right?

All you can try to do is keep your kid from irritating you. God has established what is right. And apart from God, you can't know what is right. Nehemiah 9 13 says, God gave right ordinances, true laws, and good commandments. Psalm 19 8 says, the statutes of the Lord are right. Psalm 1 19 75 says, the judgments of the Lord are right. Verse 1 28, I esteem all thy precepts concerning all things to be right. And Hosea 14 9 says it, the ways of the Lord are right. Romans 7, the law of the Lord is perfect.

Paul adds holy, right, and good. And the only way you can raise your children right is to raise them according to the Word of God. So we teach our children what is right. We call them to obedience as if they were obeying the Lord because we are passing His Word, His will to them. We not only do it by verbal instruction, we not only do it by reading to them, we do it by modeling it in our own obedience to God. And of course, if you try to teach it and don't live it, the confusion is devastating. So we teach them to obey. We teach them to obey because it's right. And you see, we have an unusual relationship to our children. Listen to these thoughts. The child's relationship with God is mediated through the parents.

That's how God designed it. The child will eventually grow away from the parents and come to a direct relationship with God through Christ. But while that little child is small, their relationship to God comes through us when a child disobeys his parents. He is, for all intents and purposes, disobeying God. When a young person repudiates his parents, he's repudiating God. This is tremendously serious. A child who fights against his natural rebellious tendencies and submits to his parents is submitting to God.

And this brings wonderful blessing. Tell your children that. Tell them that. Don't just say, I want you to obey me because I told you to and I'm tired of telling you. Tell them, I want you to obey me because in obeying me you're obeying God and obeying God means you're going to be blessed. And tell them, obey me because if you don't obey me, it is disrespect shown to God whose will I'm instructing you in. And if you disobey God, you will bring upon yourself serious judgment, chastening.

It's a tremendous concept. Children need to understand it, that how they respond to you is how they respond to God Himself. They need to understand the implications of their disobedience because their relationship with God, which is a special relationship defined by Jesus who lifted those little ones up and touched them and blessed them.

They are special to God, but His relationship to them is mediated through you, His parents. They need to understand that. They need to know that their greater accountability is to God, but they manifest that through their obedience to you. It also, from your viewpoint as a parent, takes out the arbitrariness, doesn't it? You can't just be firing off all kinds of commands to your children unless they're in the midst of a They need to understand that. They need to know that their greater accountability is to God, but they manifest that through their obedience to you.

It also, from your viewpoint as a parent, takes out the arbitrariness, doesn't it? You can't just be firing off all kinds of commands to your children unless they substantiate some biblical principle. I think of the story of Absalom in 2 Samuel 13 to 18, the story of a rebellious son. His father David, of course, was hardly a perfect father. He had failed to discipline his son. He had failed to discipline Absalom, so what did he get? He got a rebellious son.

Neither his mother or father taught him self-control. Absalom's half-brother Amnon followed his father David's evil example. I'm talking about David's sin with Bathsheba. David did that, so Amnon, his son, followed his father's example and raped Absalom's sister Tamar, 2 Samuel 11 and 13. And David did nothing about it.

David did nothing about it. Absalom wasn't happy that his half-brother had raped his sister, so he killed Amnon. But he learned that from his father who killed Uriah the Hittite. Well, David finally acted out of fear of Absalom, not out of fatherly concern, but rather out of fear and exiled Absalom and still refused to deal with the situation until he was forced to do so. David was a weak, ineffectual father, and Absalom had reasons to be hostile and out of control and angry. But in spite of what reasons he had, Absalom should have submitted to David. He should have done what was right.

He didn't. So, in spite of a failing father, God killed Absalom, just as God had said he would do to rebellious children. You're talking about a very serious issue, teaching your children obedience. Also, look at verse 2, the responsibility to teach your children respect. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. You're not only dealing with action here in the regard of obedience, but you're dealing with attitude here and the respect here of honoring. Exodus 20, 12, honor thy father and mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God gives thee. Clear back to the commandments, honor your father and mother. Not only obedience on the outside, but obedience from the inside. Obedience based on respect and reverence and honor, not a selfish obedience, not a bitter obedience, not an unwilling, resentful, or fearful obedience, but a loving, respectful obedience. The word honor there from the verb tomao means to value at a high price, to value. Value your father and mother.

Put a high price on them. In other words, realize how valuable they are to you. Children, understand how great a treasure they are. This is the first commandment with a promise. It is the fifth of the Ten Commandments, Exodus 20, but it is the first commandment dealing with human relationships. The first four deal with one's relationship to God, and there is promise there.

But this is the first of the commandments that deal with human relationships, and among those commandments, the first one with a promise. And the promise that it may be well with you, that you may live long on the earth. You want a happy life?

You want a full life? Obey your parents. Your children need to know that. Your children need to be taught that. You don't hold that back. You say, well, it might frighten them.

That's fine. If it's balanced off with the security and affirmation and love that you give to them in the name of the Lord, they will understand. It is absolutely essential, however, that they know that God promises blessing and long life to those who obey Him, and that that obedience is mediated through their parents.

You say, well, why is this commandment the commandment with a promise? Of all the commandments regarding human relationships, why is this so important? Because, beloved, this is the heart of all relationships. This is at the core of the family. This is at the core of the family. Therefore, it is at the core of the church.

Therefore, it is at the core of the society, both of which are made up of families. A generation of undisciplined, disrespectful, rebellious, disobedient children will destroy families, churches, nations. And when you have a disobedient, disrespectful child, it is a tragedy in many ways and a terrible grief.

Listen to what it says in Proverbs. A foolish son is the heaviness of his mother. Bitterness to her that bore him.

Some of you women know that, and you know it well. Not only a grief to the mother, but listen to what it says regarding the father. He that begets a fool does it to his sorrow. The father of a fool has no joy. Proverbs 19 says, he is a calamity to his own father. He who assaults his father, who chases away his mother, is a shameful and disgraceful son. He is a grief to mother, a grief to father, a disgrace to parents, a humiliation to the whole family, a distress to the church, and a burden to society.

It all starts, all the wholeness of relationships start right there. And I take you back to Deuteronomy 21, 18 to 21. If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who will not obey the voice of his father or the voice of his mother, and that when they have chastened him will not listen to them, then shall his father and his mother lay hold of him, bring him out under the elders of his city, under the gates of his place, and they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey our voice. He is a glutton and a drunkard. By now you can tell he's at least a teenager. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones that he die. Take his life.

Why? Because the infection of this in the nation is devastating, an infection which we experience even at this time. So, says Deuteronomy 21, 21, you shall put away evil from among you and all Israel shall hear and fear. You see, God knew the preservation of that nation was bound up in the parenting process and the obedience of children. Turn to 1 Corinthians chapter 7, and let me digress because there's an issue there that you may come across and wonder about. Somebody says, well, children are to obey their parents, and then they come to this passage and maybe get confused.

Let me read verses 36 to 38 and make a comment or two. 1 Corinthians 7, 36, if any man thinks that he's acting unbecomingly toward his virgin daughter, if she should be of full age and if it must be so, let him do what he wishes. He does not sin, let her marry. But he who stands firm in his heart, being under no constraint, but has authority over his own will and has decided this in his own heart to keep his own virgin daughter, he will do well. So then both he who gives his own virgin daughter in marriage does well, and he who does not give her in marriage will do better. Now, what you appear to see here is a conflict, a father who wants to keep his virgin daughter single and a virgin daughter who wants to be married. And verse 36 tells the father, let her be married. So the question comes up, well, wait a minute, is she free to countermand her father? Is she free to countermand her father? her father's will and do what she wants to do?

And in this situation, let me explain the scenario. In Jewish culture, parents and particularly fathers were in the unique and dominant role of deciding who their children would marry. It was a father's decision, as it always should be.

The same general...I say that tongue-in-cheek, as you understand. The same general custom prevailed in many other societies and certainly included that of Rome. In fact, some historians, if you've read any of the history of Rome, some historians credit Rome's decline in part to the weakening of the family and they say the family began to be weakened when the parents stopped arranging marriages. In New Testament times, the arranged marriage was the norm. Now, in light of this teaching about the advantages of singleness, which is what the 1 Corinthians 7 section is talking about, they had learned that being single could be an advantage.

You could serve the Lord and honor the Lord and you weren't distracted by marriage and a family and it was a wonderful thing to be single for the Lord. And so some well-meaning fathers who had come to Christ and were all excited about the prospect of serving the Lord had dedicated their young daughters to the Lord to be single, sort of dedicated them as permanent virgins. But when the daughters reached marriageable age, they had a different idea. Some of them wanted to be married and their fathers were sort of in a quandary about it.

Should they break the vow they made for their daughter? It is likely that many of the girls did not have the gift of singleness and were struggling with their natural desire for a man. They wanted to get married. Their desire was to get married, but they also desired to please their father and to please the Lord.

And the problem then was brought up to Paul in the Corinthian letter. Paul simply says this, if the daughter wants to get married, let her get married. If it must be so, verse 36, you're free to let her marry.

That's all right. You had good intentions when you made the promise, but if she needs to be married, let her marry. But verse 37 and 38 discuss the girl who doesn't really need to be married, and you as a father can stand firm. There's no constraint on you. You're not under constraint, verse 37. That means you don't have your daughter pulling on your pant leg saying, please, Daddy, release me from this thing.

I want to get married. So in either case, whatever is the desire of your daughter's heart with regard to marriage is acceptable to God. So I only want to mention that passage because I know some people have brought it up and said, well, yes, I know we're supposed to obey and honor our parents, but there may come a time when we are needing something, and it might be against the will of our parents. We feel it's right for us.

What do we do? And there's the perfect illustration. When you reach that age, if it needs to be so, let it be so, and you may bend to the wish of your child at that point. And certainly that's illustrative of other points. I don't think parents for the rest of a child's life have some kind of demagoguery, some kind of autocratic authority and control over them. When they express their needs within the framework of God's purposes, we're free to let them follow those needs and heart desires.

Well, let's go back then to Ephesians, verse 3. That it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth. This is tremendous. Two things it says. There will be a quality of life and a quantity of life. That it may be well with thee, that's the quality of life.

Full, rich, joyous, happy, peaceful, rewarding life. A general, qualitative blessedness. And I really believe that, folks. I believe that in the general, qualitative blessedness. I really believe that, folks. I am convinced that this is exactly what Scripture is saying. I look at my life and my life is blessed, blessed and blessed abundantly. And I look at Patricia's life and the life of our children and I believe that in great measure, of course, that is related to obedience. That is the fulfillment of the promise of God. Not only quality, but quantity of life. Life, it says here, will be long on the earth. What does that mean? Well, I think you could interpret it three wonderful ways.

First, physically. I think you'll live a full life. I don't think your life will be cut short as lives are cut short by sin, disobedience. You'll live the full life God planned. Secondly, you'll live a millennial life.

If you follow your parents to the faith in Jesus Christ, you'll come back for a thousand years on the earth and even ultimately live in the eternal new heaven and new earth. The plan is clear. Children obey, children honor, and God will bless you and God will let you live a full, rich life. The alternative? Tragic.

I close with this. The child was born on November 12, 1934, born to 16-year-old Kathleen Maddox. He was entered into the ledgers as No Name Maddox. He was a classic abused child, left by his mother for days during the first years of his life. In 1939, his mother was arrested for armed robbery and sentenced to five years in the penitentiary.

When she returned, No Name was eight years old. His life became a long line of run-down hotels and brutal uncles who came to live with his mother and drank heavily. When he was 12, his mother tried to place him in a foster home, but since one wasn't available, he was sent to the Gebalt Home for Boys in Indiana.

It was the first in a long line of progressively more restrictive institutions. After ten months at Gebalt, he ran away, but his mother rejected him. He then drifted into a life of crime. At 13, he was caught for armed robbery and sentenced to an institution from which he escaped. At 16, he had a long series of crimes under his belt. Finally, in federal prison, he was homosexually attacked and raped. At 17, he pressed a razor blade against a fellow inmate's throat and sodomized him. He was transferred again and again and classified as dangerous with a long record of violent activity. Finally, at the age of 33, he was released from Terminal Island Prison in California against his wishes. He had become obsessed with the satanic. He told his jailers that prison was his only home.

His only home, no name Maddox, is better known as Charles Manson, somebody's tender baby who became a monster. The worst case scenario, the best case scenario is given to us in the truths of Scripture. Teach your child about God and His law all the time.

Make Him conform to that law, and when He doesn't, punish Him physically. Do all of that in an environment of the sweetness of the love of Christ, and your children will be your joy. Father, thank You for the instruction which You give to us, so practical, touching every aspect of life. Lord, thank You again for wonderful parents, godly parents, precious children, grandchildren. Lord, thank You for enriching our lives, for making our families such havens of joy and sweetness. Thank You, oh Lord, thank You in saving us, for teaching us these things so our homes could be such happy places, such wonderful places. Lord, may we continue to be faithful. May our children be faithful, that we might raise up a godly generation and enjoy the blessing, enjoy the quality and quantity, long years of loving relationships that bring us such fulfillment. Bless our children, and may we all be faithful to bring them to You, that You might bless them truly with the grace of Christ, in whose name we pray.

Amen. We received a question from one of our listeners, Roberta. This came in on our Q&A line, and it's a question I'm sure many Christian parents have wondered about, maybe even worried about. So let's hear Roberta's question now, and then John, you can respond.

Pastor MacArthur, this is Roberta from South Carolina. I've heard you speak several times about children who die in innocence that they go to heaven. What about children in innocence at the time of the rapture?

Thank you. Well, the Bible doesn't say anything about that. It doesn't say that the Lord is going to rapture innocent children. So really, there's no way, biblically, to answer that question. We rest on the fact that the Lord will do right. We also remember that after the rapture, the seven-year tribulation comes, and the gospel will be preached during that seven-year tribulation period.

It's obvious that some very young children will still not have reached the age where they can believe or not believe, if it's only a seven-year period. So they would come to heaven, basically in the end, because God will redeem them, because He would not send them to hell for unbelief, because they hadn't willingly been unbelievers. So the Bible doesn't really say, but for those who are left on earth and who are able, during the period of the seven years, to come to true faith, there will be a salvation revival, the likes of which the history of the world has never seen. People from every tongue and tribe and nation are going to come to faith in Christ, and so it's going to be a great, great time of salvation. And for those who never do reach the age of accountability, I believe the Lord will gather them to Himself at the end of that time when Jesus returns.

Yes, He will. And thank you, John. And thanks, Roberta, for that question. Also, friend, if you have a question for John, do what Roberta did and call our Q&A line. You may hear John answer your question on a future broadcast. Get in touch with us today. The Q&A line number, 661-295-6288. Again, you just leave your question, and you may hear John answer it on a future broadcast. The Q&A line number one more time, 661-295-6288.

You'll also find that number at our website, gty.org. Now, turning the corner a bit, much of John's current study, The Fulfilled Family, comes from the book of Ephesians. In addition to the roles of husbands and wives, Ephesians also looks at the incredible blessings of salvation, how to overcome temptation, why Jesus came to earth, and much more. To help you dig deeper into all that biblical teaching, John has written a commentary on Ephesians. It's a great resource for pastors and laymen. To order the Ephesians commentary or the entire MacArthur New Testament commentary series, call 800-55-GRACE or go to gty.org.

That's our website, gty.org. Now, for John MacArthur, I'm Phil Johnson. If you're looking for encouragement this weekend, tune in to Grace to You Television this Sunday. Check your local listings for channel and times, and then be here next week when John continues his look at The Fulfilled Family with another 30 minutes of unleashing God's truth, one verse at a time, on Grace to You.