It's interesting to me that the final chapter of Proverbs is chapter 31. That all the instruction given sort of climaxes at this point. And what you have in chapter 31 is the final lesson from a parent to a child. Here is a Jewish mother who taught her son how to pick a woman. Welcome to Grace to You with John MacArthur.
I'm your host, Phil Johnson. Maybe you've wondered, am I ever going to be the wife God wants me to be? Or if the right man comes along, would he see me as the right sort of potential spouse? Perhaps you're a single man who wants to be married.
What kind of woman should you pursue? Or maybe you're already married and you want to know how you should be encouraging your wife for her blessing and for the blessing of your family. No matter which category describes you, the good news is the Lord has provided the blueprint for excellence. Proverbs chapter 31. John MacArthur looks there today on Grace to You. It's an appropriate topic with Mother's Day this weekend. And the title of John's study, God's Design for a Successful Woman.
And now here is John with today's lesson. Since Proverbs 31 was written, but it seems to me that it has changed in the last 20 or 30 years. It seems to me that at least in my own lifetime there was a portion of my life in which our society could at least understand and affirm the pattern of an excellent wife given in Proverbs 31. But in the last 30 years or so, our society has moved so far from these principles that it may seem almost ludicrous to imagine a woman of the 80's fitting into the mold of the standards given here in Proverbs 31. What kind of a woman does our society honor? Who is the honored woman of the 80's? Who is the prototype woman of the 80's? What is the modern superwoman like? If our society and our culture could design a woman, what would that woman be like?
Well, let me see if I can pull it together for you. She would work at a job, build her own career, demand and get equal pay with men. She would refuse to submit to her husband demanding equality with him in everything.
She would have an affair or two or three, a divorce or two or three, an abortion or two. She would definitely exercise her independence. She would make sure that she was eminently fulfilled herself. She would rely on her own resources.
She would not want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals. She would have her own bank account. She would hire a maid or cleaning service. She would eat out at least 50% of the time with her family or without. She would make cold cereal and coffee the standard breakfast fare for the family and quick frozen meals usual dinner fare and she would certainly expect her husband to do half the housework. She would be tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, bulging with muscle. She would be shopping to keep up with the fashion trends and make sure she could compete in the attention getting contest. She would put her children in a daycare center making sure that each one also had a TV in his or her room so that when they were home they wouldn't interrupt her routine. She would be opinionated. She would demand to be heard from and eager to fulfill all of her personal ambition.
The world would applaud her and she wouldn't be able to stay married or happy and her kids would probably be into drugs. But she would be the woman of the 80's and she is a million miles from the woman of God described in Proverbs 31. Do you understand that the book of Proverbs is a collection of wisdom that fathers and mothers were to give to their children? Do you understand that it was common in a Jewish family for a father to teach his sons the truths of this book? And not only a father but a mother for on several occasions it says not to forsake the instruction of your mother?
This was basically the composite practical manual for living life that Jewish parents taught their children. Now one of the very most important things that children needed to learn was directed at the young boys and that was how to select the right woman. Proverbs warns against the noisy woman, the quarrelsome woman, the rebellious woman, the foolish woman, and the sons of Israel were to be warned to stay away from and avoid all such women. In chapter 12 of Proverbs in verse 4 it says, An excellent wife is the crown of her husband but she who shames him is as rotten as in his bones. Find an excellent wife.
Stay away from anything less. And so the warnings have been given. In chapter 19 and verse 14 there comes a hopeful truth. It says a prudent wife is from the Lord, a wise wife, a virtuous wife, a godly wife is a gift from God. So all the way through this marvelous book of wisdom there is instruction about what kind of woman to avoid and to pursue the excellent woman, the excellent wife who is a gift from God. It's interesting to me that the final chapter of Proverbs is chapter 31, that all the instruction given sort of climaxes at this point. And what you have in chapter 31 is the final lesson from a parent to a child, in this case from a mother to her son. Verse 1 tells us that these are the words of King Lemuel, he wrote them down, but they are the oracle which his mother taught him. Here we have an unknown mother.
We don't know anything about King Lemuel. This is the only time his name is ever mentioned. We don't know anything about his mother, but here is a Jewish mother who taught her son how to pick a woman and a lot of other very important things as well. And this is her wisdom given to him. In verse 2, what, O my son? And what, O son of my womb? And what, O son of my vows? In other words, what do I say to you? How do I instruct you?
What do I tell you? The first thing I tell you is don't get involved in sexual immorality. Do not give your strength to women.
That's what that means. Don't get involved in living in sexual misconduct. Then on down to verse 7 and following even down to verse 9, she says, "'Stay away from drunkenness, strong drink. Take care of hurting people. Defend those who can't defend themselves. Stand by the oppressed. Support the needy and deal justly with all people.'
And gives him a wide range of practical truth. But then she comes to the real issue on her heart, which he passes on to us. Most of all, my son, find a good wife. Find a good wife. With her you will spend your life. She will determine your earthly accomplishments and set the parameters of your living and your influence.
Find a good wife." And from verse 10 to 31, such a wife is described. The woman described here is of priceless value. She has physical strength, mental strength, moral strength and spiritual strength. Above all, she loves God deeply and reverently. She is characterized in this section six ways, and I'll point them out to you as we just look together at the Scripture.
Six ways. Her character as a wife, her devotion as a homemaker, her generosity as a neighbor, her influence as a teacher, her effectiveness as a mother, and her excellence as a person. The sum of all of that makes the excellent wife. And I might add that this is no woman in particular, but this is the woman that every woman should seek to emulate. She is rare.
Look at verse 10. An excellent wife...by the way, the word excellent in Hebrew means force, a woman of force, a woman of substance, a woman of strength would be another way to characterize her. It's excellent in the sense of her strength spiritually, morally, mentally, physically. She is a woman of substance. She is a woman who has made a dent in society. She is one who makes a difference. There's a force about her life. This kind of wife, he says, who can find?
Very rare. Hard to find, this kind of woman. Typically, men seek a wife for all the wrong reasons, all of them. Looks, accomplishment, style, success, money, education, all the wrong reasons. They should seek a woman for virtue, strength of character, spiritual excellence, internal godliness.
Those are the right reasons. This kind of woman is a woman of force. She makes a difference. She leaves a mark and verse 10 says her worth is far above jewels. Some would translate that word rubies. Some would translate it pearls.
The Septuagint translates it precious stones. In other words, she is more valuable than all earthly things which are valuable. She is a rare fortune, a rare find, a woman of force. What are her qualities, this rare woman? First of all, let's look at her character as a wife, verse 11.
And without saying anything specifically about her, it talks about her husband to start with. The heart of her husband trusts in her. Now obviously, the first thing we note about her character as a wife is that she can be trusted. She is trustworthy.
This is the kind of woman who allows her husband to do his work away from home, who allows her husband to go away for perhaps an extended time, and to do all of that in absolute confidence in her integrity and her discretion and her wisdom and her care for all of his interests. The implication here is that there's a substantial home to be cared for and substantial resources of which she is a steward, but he trusts her. He trusts her. The heart of her husband trusts in her.
She has proven to be trustworthy. She is virtuous to the point where he has no jealousy. He has no fear. He has no suspicion.
He has no anxiety. He knows that his care is her concern, his comfort is her passion, his burdens are hers to relieve, his being at ease is her high priority, and his house has become the home of his heart because he trusts in the one who leads that household, his wife. Integrity, discretion, wisdom, faithfulness, trustworthiness, that's what fills the husband of this woman so that he will have no lack of gain, no lack of gain.
In other words, she's not going to cause him to lose what he's working so hard to gain. She is a very careful steward of everything that he has. Let me tell you, this sees the woman in the role of the oikod despotes, to use Paul's word used in 1 Timothy 5, she's the ruler of the house. She manages the assets. She coordinates the activities. She is the steward of all of that which he has provided. And he has no lack of gain because of her stewardship, her management, her wisdom, her care.
And that frees him to be everything that he can be in the pursuit of bread for that family and also freedom from anxiety because he knows whatever he brings in, she cares for as treasure. Definitely she is in charge of domestic matters, using and accounting for the resources of the home so he is free to give himself to the work. She helps him to profit. She devotes herself to the care of his earnings. She is careful. She is wise. She is scrupulous.
And he can leave home and never give it a thought. He can give his whole heart to that which compels him in his profession, his business, his work, and know that all is cared for. Her character as a wife, she is totally trustworthy. She is a steward of everything that he provides for her. She is definitely on the receiving end of his provision and she cares for it as a precious treasure.
Personally, verse 12, she does him good and not evil. She does him good and not evil. She always, always does what's best for him. She pursues his best interests. She strengthens him. She builds him up. She encourages him. She sees it as her role to do good to this man.
He is providing for her and for all those in her care in that home, children and household servants and workers, if indeed this would include a farm. And he in providing all of that is worthy of her best. She does him good. She never takes things from him, not his money, his possessions, his resources, or his reputation. She never speaks evil of him so that those in the home would learn to distrust him because of her testimony of his absence of character. She does him good, not evil. She does everything to build him up. And then it adds, most interestingly, this note, all the days of her life.
Isn't that interesting? All the days of her life. In other words, her love for him is based upon such high spiritual principles that it doesn't fluctuate with the circumstances of life. To live for him is her constant happiness and she knows she'll reap the benefit. Never unkind, always submissive, in the most gracious way. And this is the essence of what Paul said when writing to Titus, Titus 2.4, when he said, wives, love your husbands. Do them good all your life.
Manage properly that which is in your care so that they have no need of gain. The benefit to the husband is expressed in verse 23. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land.
You know what that means? He's risen to the very top of the esteem of the people in the profession he has chosen in life because he is free to do so because of the dutiful wife. She creates a world for him in which he can be everything that God would want him to be.
She's so faithful to the duties of her love that he is free to be all that he can be as a man. He is known in the gates. He is a well-known man. The implication there is that he is esteemed. He is honored.
He is respected. And that is because she has provided freedom from the things which tie him down and bind him so that he can be everything, everything that he would desire to be. That's her character as a wife. Trustworthy, doing him good all the days of her life, seeing to it that her life is spent to see that he can be everything God would want him to be. That's an excellent woman. The underlying virtue there is selflessness.
That's the underlying virtue. She is consumed with him and offers herself in loving service to fulfill that desire. Secondly, not only her character as a wife makes her excellent, but her devotion as a homemaker. Now, being a homemaker is not a popular thing today.
Phyllis Shafley said the most cruel and damaging sexual harassment taking place today is the harassment by feminists and their federal government allies against the role of motherhood and the role of the dependent wife, end quote. But in God's economy, being a homemaker is an exalted role. The sphere of the woman's duty is the home. She is the ruler of the house, the oikadespitest. And as we start into looking at this in verse 13, we will see the beauty of her role there unfold.
Notice verse 13. First of all, she looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight. She expresses her ability with her crafts, in this case, making clothing, blankets, perhaps even curtains to cover the open spaces in the home that let the air and the light in. She goes after wool. She looks for flax, the idea being she searches for the quality product. She brings home the wool, wool used for clothing that would be in the cold times, flax used for linen which would be worn in warmer times and would be used for the specially beautiful clothing that they would wear at any season.
She finds the best she can, brings it back with the purpose of using her hands to turn it into clothing. You see, her submission and her godliness, her virtue, her relation to her husband do not make her into a religious recluse, pretending to be spiritual when really being irresponsible. She is not defining laziness as spirituality. She is not shirking the duties of the home. In fact, there's no place in this woman's life for self-indulgence. There's no place for laziness.
There's no place for inactivity. She is full of energy. She is full of activity. She searches out the raw materials in order that she might work with her hands. It says she might work with her hands in delight.
And that's the key. You see, she loves the family and she loves her husband and it's the love of her heart that puts delight in her work. If she felt like the reason for her to live was to fulfill herself, everything she had to do for someone else, she'd hate. But because she knows her reason to be is to give herself for the joy of those she loves, the delight of her heart becomes the delight of her hands. The Syriac version translates that her hands are active after the pleasure of her heart. No complaint. There's joy in the most menial task because the motive is love and the love motive inside pushes delight into the hands.
Self-denial is clearly behind the scenes. She's not concerned about her own pleasure. She's concerned about the joy and delight of her family which gives her joy and delight because she is consumed with love for them, sacrificial. She makes their clothes and all they need and does so with joy.
Verse 14 says she is like merchant ships. She brings her food from afar. She goes great distances to get food and she didn't hop on the freeway, she walked. She walked. And she would walk in order to get the best food at the best price in order to introduce variety into the family, something beyond the local fare which could be purchased in her own vicinity. She was obviously engaged in good planning and good management. She was a faithful steward of her husband's gain and she would go as far as she needed to go to get what she needed for her family, not just to provide food but to provide the variety and the quality of food that would truly express the love and delight of her heart. She wasn't just slapping whatever she had down and throwing it in front of them.
She was involved in the process of going as far as she had to go to get what she thought they would enjoy. Verse 15 says she rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and portions to her maidens. Typically in the east, a lamp is always burning in the house, a little terracotta lamp with oil in it and a little wick floating in the oil. Of course, the wick would only burn as long as the oil was there because most often they went to sleep when the sun went down. The oil would not last all night and it was always the wife's responsibility to get up sometime after midnight and put more oil in the lamp that the family might sleep. Typically, the woman would rise sometime after midnight, put oil in the lamp, keep it lit and then begin to do the work that was required to feed the family that day. She had to grind the corn. She had to prepare all the day's meals.
There were no fast food places. There was nowhere to go. You fed your family by the work of your hand and the sweat of your brow. It was hot in that part of the world for much of the year still is and the cool of the night was a wonderful time, the quiet of the night, but it was still a major sacrifice. So she would grind the corn and do whatever she needed to do in order that when the family awoke a few hours later, there would be food for them all. That was her dedication, her commitment. Her household could enjoy the comfort while she made the sacrifice for their greater enjoyment.
You see, she was much more concerned with the blessing and joy of the people she loved than with her own indulgence. And then it says, and I love this thought, and portions to her maidens. The word portions is quite interesting. It probably means portions of work, not portions of food. Portions is tasks in the Septuagint. The word uses erga in Greek. It is translated labor in Exodus 5, 14. So what she did was get up in the middle of the night and start her own work and the maidens who were servants in the household also got up and she apportioned to them their tasks so that everybody was busy getting ready for the family in the household.
Wonderful. Consumed with the needs of others, doing it with delight. She is every bit the manager of the household. Who can find a virtuous wife? Proverbs 31 asks that question.
Well, you can find her described in that same chapter. John MacArthur, Chancellor of the Masters University and Seminary, took you there today here on Grace to You, helping you discover God's design for a successful woman. Now, Proverbs 31, it's a pretty straightforward portion of scripture, but it still takes work to understand everything it says about the excellent wife. And of course, that's true of the entire Bible.
It takes effort to get the meaning right and some passages take more effort than others. Well, to help you get all you can from your time in the word of God, a great tool is the MacArthur Study Bible. And remember, through Friday, May 9th, you can get the MacArthur Study Bible and nearly every other resource we sell at a significant discount.
So take advantage of our reduced prices when you contact us today. You can order from 730 to 4 o'clock Pacific time by calling 855-GRACE, or you can place your order anytime at our website, gty.org. With dozens of maps and charts and 25,000 study notes, the MacArthur Study Bible helps you understand even the most difficult portions of scripture. And again, to order the MacArthur Study Bible, call us at 855-GRACE or visit our website, gty.org.
And can I ask you a favor? Let us know how God is using grace to you in your life. If one of John's messages has helped you understand the implication of a particular passage of scripture, or if you're growing because of these daily broadcasts, we need to hear your story. You can email us at letters at gty.org, that's letters at gty.org, or you can send your letter by regular mail addressed to Grace to You, Post Office Box 4000, Panorama City, California 91412. Now for John MacArthur and the entire Grace to You staff, I'm Phil Johnson. Remember to watch Grace to You television this Sunday on DirecTV channel 378, or you can watch anytime at gty.org. And then join us again tomorrow when John continues showing you practical lessons on womanhood from Proverbs 31. It's another half hour of unleashing God's truth one verse at a time on Grace to You.
