How Women Can Apply God's Principles to Marriage

Welcome to God First with Brian C. Thomas, a program committed to encouraging you to put God first while viewing life through the window of the Bible. Now, in honor of the one and only true God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, let's join Brian C. Thomas for today's message. Greetings in the name of our great and wonderful Messiah, our Lord Jesus Christ. My name is Brian Thomas, and as always, it is an honor and a delight to join you each week on the God First program. Well, folks, we are in for a real treat today as we have a very special guest joining us.

My co-host, who is also my lovely wife, will formally introduce her shortly. But before I turn it over to her, I would like to say that anyone who knows me knows that I do not get starstruck. When it comes to famous actors, actresses, singers, athletes, I do not get starstruck.

You know, I had the opportunity to meet Michael Jordan many years ago, and I passed on it because it just was not a big deal to me. But I am starstruck by today's guest. Now, the world elevates people to a God-like status when it is starstruck, even above God in many cases.

So to be clear, I am not elevating our guests to the level of God. But I am giving credit where credit is due because I so much admire, respect, and applaud the biblical principles that she stands upon in leading her women's ministry. How women and wives are to carry out their roles in society and in marriages, because it is so rare to hear what she teaches in our PC culture today. So I have followed her for a number of years and I have looked forward to this day of her joining our program.

I mean, my palms are sweaty in anticipation. So with that said, I am going to be a fly on the wall today and just sit back and enjoy the conversation with Tara Fuhrman of Knowing God Ministries. Here is my wife and co-host, Danita.

Ladies, take it away. Hello, this is Danita Thomas, and I am honored to introduce my sweet friend, one of my Jesus girls, Tara Fuhrman of Knowing God Ministries. And Tara is the founder and president of Knowing God Ministries in Cary, North Carolina. And the Knowing God Ministries mission is to change our world one woman at a time by equipping her to apply God's word and walk by faith. Tara is a speaker, a teacher, an author, and is known as a prayer warrior and a dynamic leader of women. And she is also married to her best friend, Tim, and they have two children. So Tara, we welcome you to the God First program.

How are you? I'm floored by that introduction by Brian. I can't even get my mouth off the floor. My jaw dropped. I mean, wow, I'm totally humbled by that.

No one's ever said that about me ever, especially compared me to Michael Jordan. I am. Here's my eyes. And I'm picking up my jaw from the floor, but I am thrilled to be here.

I've been looking forward to this. So today we're going to be discussing how women can apply God's principles to marriage. This is a much needed message today. But first, I want to I want you to tell us a little bit more about Knowing God Ministries. Knowing God Ministries is a women's ministry. We're a non-denominational ministry. We're located in the Cary, Raleigh, North Carolina area, but we do our health in virtual as with everyone else's right now.

We have people all over the world joining us for our workshops, our luncheons, straight from their computer. And the ministry, I formed a ministry based upon the promise that knowing God will change your life. And for a woman when she knows Jesus, really knows Him. She's typically the one that brings the reality of the gospel into the home. And when she begins living the Bible, when these words, I founded the ministry off Deuteronomy 32, 46 and 47, which says these words, which is the Bible. These are not just idle words.

They are your life. And there's so many blessings that are given to families and lives when we follow God's word. And so that's how I base the ministry upon that premise of God's word alone.

So we have women that join us from all different denominations and women that don't know Jesus at all, women that are far from God. Yeah. So that's a little bit about KGM. I call it KGM. It's short for Knowing God Ministries.

Yes. So if you hear us say KGM, that is Knowing God Ministries. And I am honored to serve on the Knowing God Ministries team. So we're honored to have Miss Demita Thomas on our team. I can tell you that right now. Blessed and honored. Go ahead. I'm sorry.

You're fine. As you may know, there has been this escalation of feminism today. And so the biblical role of a wife has been distorted or totally ignored. So can you share with us what God says about the role of a wife?

Yes. First of all, the role of a wife, the role, her role in marriage is such a high call. And I love what feminism has done, you know, in terms of in the workplace. I think they've done amazing things and I'm thankful for the work that they've done for women, especially in the workplace. But I feel like when it comes to the family, I think that feminism provides a lot of confusion for women, because it really has distorted what God means by the role of submission in marriage. Let's just go ahead and address that.

Right. That is one of the roles of a wife in marriage to submit to her husband. And that has been distorted by the culture that a weak woman is a woman that submits. But when you follow what God says, actually, a strong woman is the woman that submits to her husband.

Only a woman that is really strong. But first of all, you know, we take into account that you're not married to somebody that is demanding things of you, because that is a complete distortion of the way God intended the role of the woman and the role for the woman to be in marriage. I mean, he says that God says that we are equal, that God is the God of order.

And just like in any kind of company, there's a president of the company and there's a vice president of the company. And the role of the wife is to be the vice president of the company. And the thing is this, is that that puts a lot of pressure on the man because he's got an answer to God for the decisions that he makes in the household. And submission really is, when you look at it through the eyes of God, the way he intended it to be, it's a gift. God has given women the gift of submission. And the word says in 1 Peter 3 that when we submit, we can win a lost husband to Jesus, not by our word, but by our behavior.

I mean, she can turn by her behavior a dead, lifeless marriage into a thriving, loving marriage. And it's all about living out the roles that God outlined in his word. And I love how you mentioned that God is a God of order. That is so important for us to if we're going to live for God, then we have to trust him. And so if God gives us this design for marriage, then there is an order to that marriage as well.

And we have to respect that order because we respect God and the purpose that he has for marriage. I love that. Now, absolutely. Go ahead. No, you go ahead. No, you go ahead.

You're fine. Well, I'm glad that you brought that up, because in Ephesians five, he says, submit to one another. First, he says, submit to one another. But then the very next line is his wife, submit to your husband's as unto the Lord. And, you know, when I first started living this thing out, I was resentful of it until I saw the power behind it and the difference that it made in my marriage. But I just had to picture myself doing it as unto the Lord, as unto the Lord I do this. And that alone changed the trajectory of my marriage. I've seen it change the trajectory of many marriages.

Yes, that's exactly right. And I know Brian can attest to that as well. But as far as knowing God ministries, you all do a wonderful job. I could say we because I'm on the team, but you all do a wonderful job of sharing with women how important prayer is. You have devotionals and various books that relate to prayer, getting into your quiet time.

So I would like for you to speak to how prayer relates to marriage and the importance of it in marriage. That's what power is. And I learned early on to shut my mouth and go to prayer because that's what brought change. It wasn't me nagging or complaining.

Listen, I tell this story. My husband, I begged him when I first started going to Bible study and learning, you know, that God's word actually works. I want my husband to go to Bible study. And he was not saved at the time. And I was begging to go to Bible study and actually not going to beg, I would nag him to go to Bible study. And he wanted no part of it whatsoever. In fact, he thought he went to graduate school so that I would quit nagging him to go to Bible study.

And he had an excuse on the night of Bible study that he had to go to school that night so that he didn't have to go to Bible study. But that was when I began to learn that if I would pray, I would keep my mouth shut and go to the Lord and prayer in my quiet time. That's where the power is. That's where my husband calls it the magic peak. That's where all the magic happens.

And you all know what I mean by that tongue in cheek. You know, when I say magic, you know, that's where that's where the special something comes from is spending time with Jesus each day, reading his word, studying it and then applying it to your life. They're not just getting up and reading it and then forgetting what you read, but internalizing it and living it out best to the best way that you know that where the power is right there in that chair. And so that's one of the things that we do at KTM is that we help women understand the need and the power of having a quiet time. It can change your marriage. It can change your life.

It does, because no God will change your life. But you'll love this, Anita, because you don't have such a heart for prayer. I've got something on my website right now and I had it made specifically for this audience. And it's on our free resources page and it's called Prayer Made Simple Marriage.

And it's under our free resources. And you can download this free resource and it will help you pray scripture for your marriage. And so I just encourage everyone to go to, you can go to karaferman.com or knowinggodministries.net and go to our free resources. And you can download a free prayer resource to help you pray for your marriage. OK, that's that's really good, because when we pray scripture into our marriages, the scripture is just it's powerful in itself. So to get those scriptures in and speak them with your mouth and pray those scriptures over your marriage, over your husband and things like that, that would do a wonderful thing for your marriage. Let me tell you real quick, Anita, I had a mentor that told me this one time when she was describing the power of prayer. She said, Kara, picture something with the power of a nuclear warhead and you launching that through prayer, which is scripture, which is scripture, which is on this free resource. When you launch scripture through prayer into your marriage, it's like launching something with the power of an atomic weapon into that circumstance.

And I've never forgotten it. And she's so right about that, because as I have prayed for my marriage, I'm married today. If you really want to know the truth, I don't think I would be a married woman minus. And I mean that so sincerely. My husband would probably agree with me. Not sure that I would be married today because I was going the way of the world and I wanted my right.

What I wanted, what I needed, how I felt. But when I learned to pray and quit nagging and talk to God about my frustrations and my anger. You know, that's one of the really cool things about God is we can take our anger to him. We can take our frustration and tell him he can handle it. And then he settles it. You know, like instead of us going into a rage, he can settle us down so that we don't make a fool of ourselves. Anyway, it all goes back to the power of prayer and spending time with him. I can't underestimate the power of that. Exactly right.

You can not. And so this is a great time for us to take a short break for some announcements. But when we return, we will allow Tara to continue sharing some valuable Godly marriage tips with us. We'll be back. On various topics such as salvation, Bible prophecy, marriage, and the significance of Lesson Israel, just to name a few.

You can also sign up for our monthly newsletter and visit our Web store. So please visit us at Godfirst.org. Now, let's return to the conclusion of today's message. Welcome back to the God First program. We are chatting with Tara Fuhrman of Knowing God Ministries of Cary, North Carolina. And we're talking about how women can apply God's principles to marriage. And if you want to hear this message in its entirety later, you're welcome to visit our Web site at Godfirst.org or email. Or you can mail us at P.O.

Box 266, Knightdale, North Carolina, 27545. So, Tara, as you know, there is a lot going on in our world today. There's so many stressors and I know that being on lockdowns or being shuttered at home or just spending more time at home in general, I know marriages are probably a little strained. But we do know that Jesus, with Jesus at the center, marriages can thrive even with the things that are going on today. So I would love if you could give us some helpful tips to create a thriving marriage despite the times that we live in.

OK, well, I've got five, five just helpful tips for your marriage. And the first one is we're called to provide companionship to our husband. It says in Genesis 2.18, it is not good. God saw that it was not good, that man was alone. And so it says that he made a helper suitable for him. And so we saw there that Adam was lonely. And so we are called to provide companionship to our husband.

That's the first thing. The second thing is we're called to be his helper. And straight out of that same scripture that he made a helper suitable to him. And, you know, I've had friends that have taken a sense to that label, but I just remind anyone that is listening about that, that the Holy Spirit calls himself the helper.

And what a high call that he would call us the helper. And, you know, just a real quick story, Anita, as it relates to being the helper. When my children and I, we were with a friend at a play date when my kids were really young. My kids are 18 and 20 now, but we were at a play date and the woman's husband came home. And one of the things that I've learned is that it's really not cool for you to be in the house when a husband comes home from work, because as much as he likes you, he really doesn't want to see you and your kids when they get home from work. And so you really need to leave.

And so I was starting to learn these principles. Anyway, the man got home early and my kids and I were there and I just thought, oh, we've got to get out of here. But before I could get out of there, they started arguing. And it was one of those uncomfortable moments that you're going, oh, you're dusty. I wish I were not here, you know, because it's uncomfortable. And all of a sudden, she screams at the top of the steps, I am not your secretary. And all of a sudden he went quiet and he left. And I just thought, you know, part of me was like, you go girl, you are not your secretary.

You tell him. And then the other part of me was going, oh, that probably wasn't good. That's probably not because I was learning during this season of my life. You know what? That couple, they're no longer married anymore.

And, you know, that is the view of a lot of women. But we are called to come alongside of our husbands and help them. And, you know, a lot of times ways that you can help them is I often will ask my husband, can I help you today? Is there anything you need me to do? You want me to go to the bank?

Do we need anything specific at the grocery store? I mean, just ask them, is there anything I can do for you? And because we're called to be his comfort. The third thing is that she submits to his leadership, which we just talked about, you know, that we submit to his leadership. But I do want to say, I didn't mention this just a second ago, but one of the things that women, and I can say this because I've done this and I see that it doesn't work. But, you know, when you go along with what your husband has chosen, the decision that he's made and it doesn't turn out so well. One of the worst things you can do is say, I told you that. You don't do that.

One of the greatest gifts you can give him is to believe in him even after he's failed and encourage him because he already feels really bad. And so, yeah. So anyway, that was something else I wanted to say about submitting that, you know, because it's all too easy to go, I told you that, I told you that. It really is.

Okay. Number four is to respect him. And this is a biggie. This is a biggie.

The last two are really big. These are the big things that men want. And I have read surveys that say that men want respect more than they want intimacy with their spouse. And so, you know, the word says in Ephesians 533, it commands the man to love his wife. Then it commands the wife to respect her husband. And he must always say, girlfriends, if we want love, we have got to give respect.

Yes. And, you know, he wants to be respected. And so, you know, just some, you know, ways to apply that is what is your kind of voice when you talk to him? Especially if you have young kids. It's easy to forget you're talking to your husband when you get frustrated and you talk to him in the same voice that you talk to your children.

You know, you kind of have to, you know, get, you know, kind of get a check on that. Or if you're quick tempered. I was quick tempered last week with my husband. I had to apologize. Like he, I just jumped down his throat out of, I mean, just jumped down his throat.

And it came out of nowhere. And he just kind of looked at me and I was like, you know what, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Anyway, so, you know, when we're short tempered with him, or never, ever, ever, ever put him down in front of other people.

Ever. Disagree with him in private. Right. And encourage his good decisions and honor his authority in front of your children. So if you, you know, whenever you differ with how you think, you know, the, you know, a decision is being made with the kids, maybe it's discipline or a decision. Disagree and talk privately, not in front of the children, because that is very undermining and disrespectful. And so you don't want to disrespect your husband.

And so last is, well, you know where I'm going with this, Anita. It's the elephant in the room. It's the really big elephant in the room and that's sex. You know, I used to use sex based on merit, I guess you could say, you know, that if he made me feel good and he did everything I needed him to do, then maybe I would reward him. And if you live out what God says in his word and that it's in 1st Corinthians 7, and, you know, I won't take the time to read the text for your audience, Anita, but I encourage everyone listening to read 1st Corinthians 7, specifically one through seven.

It'll blow your mind, but it's very clear. And it outlines that the husband's body is, you know, my husband's body is mine. And because when we got married, we became one. And so we said, I belong to my husband, my husband belongs to me, and that we are not to deprive each other except for mutual consent so that we can devote ourselves to prayer. And the scripture says that if you are depriving each other and you're not praying because you're not following this, it's not coming until. And, you know, I'm not blaming the rise of pornography.

I'm not blaming that. But I can't help but think that if women are attentive to that, I can't help but wonder if a man would not have the need to look at pornography sites if she's doing her job. And one last thing, and then I'll let you get a breath in, Anita. My mentor told me this, and she's gone to be with Jesus now, but this is a 74-year-old woman who told me this, that if my husband is ever frustrated and he's just in a bad mood altogether, that I need to go into my brain and go, when was the last time we were intimate and if it's been more than three days, I need to get to it.

This is a 74-year-old woman telling me this, godly woman, and I've never forgotten it. And she said, Tara, he can't think. He can't think. It's a physical relief for him. And he just can't even think straight. It hurts. He told me that his habit parts start to hurt. And she said that if you will take care of that need for him, you will be blown away at the things that he will want to take care of for you.

And so she's like, so yes, Tara, every three or four days. So anyway, Anita, I'm telling you, it's sometimes hard to really live by this, but I'm telling you, God's word works. It works.

It does work. And I think a lot of people don't give. If they say that they want to be a woman after God's own heart, and that means obeying his word, we can't just leave out what he says about what we should do as wives. And just like we want him to bless us as we live for him, we will want him to bless our marriage as we live for him through our marriage as well.

So we do have to be attentive to that. So I wanted to share now – yes, ma'am. And so I wanted to share also, you have a book that's coming out, but you have one that is already out, and it's called the Seven-Day Challenge Guidebook, Jumpstart Your Marriage in a Week. And I know that, ladies, if you are interested in this, visit KnowingGodMinistries.net, because there will be a marriage workshop that will be using this book that's coming up soon. So I encourage you to go and look that up.

I think it starts on February 9th. And so please go and look at that. But Tara also has a book coming out soon called Prayer Made Simple.

So keep your eyes out for that. And make sure that you go and visit Tara at KnowingGodMinistries.net. There's a wealth of information there for us ladies regarding Bible studies, workshops, monthly luncheons and conferences. We have mother-daughter retreats. Hopefully all of this stuff will be in person soon.

Amen to that. Yes, there are blogs and newsletters. And you can purchase Tara's devotionals, prayer journals that she has there. Find out when she has speaking engagements. And also if you would like to book Tara for an event, whether it's in person or virtual, you can do that too.

And visit her on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. So ladies, if you are a woman after God's own heart, get with God and bring God to the marriage table. There's so much that He wants to do through you. And just to get into the Word, not just to read about things, but to also obey and put it into practice so that God can bless your marriage and draw you and your husband together as one strengthening and increasing that love bond. His way is perfect.

So let's use Him in our marriage. Thank you so much for joining us today, Tara. Thank you for having me. And thank you for letting me talk about one of my favorite subjects. I appreciate it.

You are so welcome. Ladies, if we want God to bless our marriages, we must have God at the center, surrendering to Him. And as we surrender and submit to God, He will equip us for this good work, the work that we do in our marriages. God will draw you and your husband together as one, strengthening and increasing that love bond. His way is perfect. So let's put His principles to work in our marriage, because if we do not, number one, it is a sin, and sin blocks our connection with God. Number two, you're missing out on the fullness and the joy and love that God gives through marriage. So once again, we thank Tara for coming on with us today, a true woman of God. And to the God First family, remember to put God first and bless the nation of Israel and pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Amen.