Fathers: Do Not Provoke - Part 1

Welcome to God First with Brian C. Thomas, a program committed to encouraging you to put God first while viewing life through the window of the Bible. Now, in honor of the one and only true God, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, let's join Brian C. Thomas for today's message. It's an honor to spend time with you each week, and I thank you for joining me today on the God First program.

For anyone that is tuning in for the very first time, my name is Brian Thomas, and I greet you in the name of our wonderful Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, the one who is worthy of all the honor, the one who is worthy of all the glory, the one who is worthy of all the praise, for he is a mighty, loving God who died for our sins so that we might have the opportunity for eternal life. Well, this week, folks, I want to speak with you on a message to fathers, that is dads, but mothers, I don't want you to check out, and women in general, don't check out because this message will apply to you. This message will affect you as well. But I want to focus today primarily on dads because, dads, we have such a great influence. We have such an important role to play. And that's not to say that mothers do not have an important role because mothers have a great influence. Mothers have a very important role as well. But when it comes to our children, I think that dads have the most impactful influence, and influences can come from many directions, but dads can have such an influence.

Dads can make or break their child's future, all depending upon how he is in his relationship towards his children. And again, that's not to dismiss mothers. Mothers, don't take this the wrong way to say that you are unimportant because mothers are extremely important.

We're both important, fathers and mothers, and that is why God made marriage, biblical marriage, because of the importance of a mother and a father. But you know, the way God wired us is that children typically will see a mother as loving them no matter what. Oftentimes when it comes to how children view their parents, children will just naturally feel like, well, mama's going to love me regardless.

Mama's going to be proud of me regardless. Now, there are always exceptions to the rule. There are definitely exceptions to the rules, not always the case. But generally speaking, mothers are going to be accepting of their children no matter what. And children just know that.

They sense that and they feel that. But when it comes to dads, it's oftentimes you feel like you have a bar that is a bit higher that you have to get over. Because dads, we're just naturally wired to not be as expressive as women.

Dads typically won't show affection and emotion and express their love for their child. And so, again, I want to speak to dads today and I want to draw your attention to two simple verses. The first verse is Ephesians chapter six, verse four. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.

And then the second verse is similar. Colossians chapter three, verse twenty one. Fathers do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. If you notice in both of those verses, you see the language fathers do not provoke. And that is what I want to speak today on is fathers do not provoke your children. And this provocation by fathers, it can come in many ways.

And one of the ways is in the time that you spend with your children. Because of fathers choosing not to spend the time with their children that they should, children will oftentimes turn in a direction to to seek love and acceptance in a place that's not good. And there have been so many cases in which young men, because they grew up without their father in the home. And when they became older, they were looking for that love that comes from a father. They receive love from their mother, but oftentimes they did not receive love from a father. And it's two different types of relationships. Again, it's not to dismiss that that love from the mother, but we need both. We need the love from the mother and we need the love from a father. And what have you seen in so many cases is that these young men, as they get older, they're looking for acceptance. They're looking for someone that is going to say, I'm proud of you.

You belong from a male standpoint. And so they'll turn to gangs and they'll end up in doing illegal things, gang banging out in the street because they're they're looking for something to be fulfilled. That that love from a male figure in their lives. And I've heard of cases in which these gang members that oftentimes they may have even been raised by their grandmother because the mother was out on the streets.

The father was nowhere to be found. And so the grandmother raised them and they get arrested. And during interrogation, they would start to the interrogator would start to tell them about how they were had called their grandmother to come. And the men begin to weep and sob and cry like a baby because inside they're soft at heart, but they're wanting that love. They're seeking that love. And so it is so important, dads, that we give that love to our children, especially to our sons. For me, as a father, when I became a father for the first time in 2009, my son, my first born, I made a commitment that I was going to make sure he knew how much I loved him, how important he was to me, how much I cared for him, because the Bible tells us that all of us are made in the image of God. That is very significant.

All of us are a reflection of God, the image of God. And so our children are so valuable. Our children are so important, not as just people on this earth, but we're talking about eternal souls.

And we, as dads, can have such a major impact on the future of that eternal soul. And so when my son was born, I made a commitment that I was going to express my love towards him. And I grew up, I was very much into basketball. I started watching basketball at a very young age. I was only five years old when the North Carolina Tar Heels during the Michael Jordan days, when they beat the Georgetown Hoyas. And I can remember to this day very well watching that basketball game. And not only did I watch the games, but I played basketball from a very young age. I was out there playing with my cousins and my uncles who were much older than me.

I was out there playing with them. I love the game of basketball. And so my son came along and I introduced basketball to him, but he did not take to it. He had no interest in it. And what I found is that even before he really could talk, he had a strong interest in cars. And that strong interest in cars led to a strong interest and love in NASCAR racing. Now, me, I grew up, I didn't watch NASCAR.

I was not involved in it to any extent. I knew of the most famous drivers like Richard Petty, you know, Dale Earnhardt. I knew about those guys, but that was pretty much the extent of it. And so I had to make a decision, though, when it came to my son is that I had to go to where he was. I had to meet him where he was. And so I began to watch NASCAR with him as he grew as a toddler.

He would watch NASCAR and he would get the NASCAR video games. I began to watch and play the games with him. And so I was relating to him. I was bonding with him. Now, I could have taken the approach of, well, he's not into basketball like me. I'm just going to go and watch the game or play the game and he'll go do his own thing. And we're in separate areas of life.

We're not communing with one another. But no, I went to where he was. And I've actually found myself now that I've learned so much about NASCAR that I've actually found myself watching races even when he's not around. But see, Dad, it's so important for us to figure out ways to spend time with our children. And now, Saturday mornings, for a number of years now, Saturday mornings has been the time for me and my son to go out and spend time together.

We'll get up on Saturday mornings at sunrise. And depending on the time of year, the season and the weather, we're usually out the door by 8 o'clock, 9 a.m. And we'll go out for breakfast. At one time, McDonald's was his thing. He wanted to go eat breakfast at McDonald's, but now it's Bojangles. And so we'll go out and get breakfast and we may stop off and pick up a couple of errands, run a couple of errands, and then we'll come home and we'll spend time.

I'll be outside washing the car, doing the yard work, whatever it may be. He's out there with me. We're talking and he's playing and we're just having a great time together. And like all kids today, my kids, my son is 11 years old.

My daughter is 10 years old. They love electronic devices. But we had to put a rule in to say, well, you can only get devices at noon. And so I sort of set up the time of going out on Saturday mornings for it'll be about three to four hours and then around noon he can go and play with his devices. But what I found is that he's enjoying the time that we're spending together so much that when noon comes, he'll see the clock, know what time it is. He doesn't want to go inside. He still wants to stay outside and continue having that that father son time together. And I'll even ask him, there may be 1 p.m., 2 p.m. and I'll ask him, son, you ready to go inside now?

He'll say, no, not yet. And we're just enjoying that time together. And we're outside and we're just enjoying God's great creation nature. And I'll have moments when I'll just walk up to him and I'll put my my my arm on his shoulder, around his shoulder. I put my hand on his shoulder and I'll say, son, you're a good son.

I'm proud of you. And I can see him beaming inside that that makes him that that makes him feel good. That builds him up. And I'll just, you know, have moments in which we're out there and I may give him a fist bump and I'll say, son, you're a good son.

I thank God for you. And and I can see that that feeling of acceptance inside of him. And that is so important. I'll tell him I love you, son. And I made a commitment at a young age to do so. And I'm not trying to say that I'm this perfect dad.

I'm not virtual, virtual virtue signaling here and trying to say I get it all right. I made a number of mistakes when it comes to my kids reacting the wrong way to things, accusing them falsely, making assumptions or promising them I would take them somewhere, buy something for them and then forgetting about it and seeing their disappointment. But I had to humble myself and go to them and say, son, will you forgive me? I'm sorry. Daughter, will you forgive me?

I'm sorry. And they've never given me a hard time about it in any of those cases. It is so important that we as dads have that influence on our children. So I want to challenge dads today. Take time to spend with your children. Take time to go to where they are. Don't just say, well, their interests are different. Their personality is different. If you are, especially when you have multiple children and multiple children, and you are making it very obvious that you take the time to spend with one, but you don't make that same effort to spend time with the other. Trust me, eventually that child is being shunned is going to pick up on it.

And that's going to have a major, major negative impact on that child because they're going to start to feel not accepted. They're going to start to compare themselves to the other and maybe that other child that you spend time with. Maybe they are more like you. Maybe they have more of your same personality. Maybe they're more obedient.

Maybe they're just more of a of an upright type of person as far as how they're living. And I'm not saying to condone wrongdoing or to condone sin, but you still have to show the love to both kids equally. Favoritism never turns out well.

And we've seen numerous cases of it throughout the Bible in which favoritism calls very strong rifts within a family, calls a lot of heartache, a lot of heartbreak. And it is so important that we as dads, that we equally love our children, equally spend time with our children, equally share time with them, share life with them and let them know how we are proud of them. Let them know that we love them.

Let them know that we care for them because it is so important. And I just know so many people I've had personal friends of mine who have told me of how not having their father around in their life, or even if their father was around, but their father just seemed to be checked out. He didn't seem to have much interest in them. He seemed to be disappointed in them. He didn't seem to to really applaud them in life for how things have turned out for them.

And they've said how much it is hurtful, how much they struggle with it, trying to to go through life and feel accepted by their dads. We're going to take a short break, but don't go away. On the other side, we're going to come back and talk about the conclusion on a dad's love for their children.

Don't go away. You are tuned into the God First program. You are listening to Brian C. Thomas on God First. For more of Brian's teachings, please visit Godfirst.org to browse our extensive library of material. There you will find devotionals, blogs, articles and audio messages available as MP3 downloads on various topics such as salvation, Bible prophecy, marriage and the significance of Lesson Israel, just to name a few.

You can also sign up for our monthly newsletter and visit our Web store. So please visit us at Godfirst.org. Now let's return to the conclusion of today's message. Welcome back to the God First program. My name is Brian Thomas, and I thank you for joining us today as we are looking at a father's love.

And in particular, fathers do not provoke your children. If you want to listen to this message again in its entirety, you can visit us at Godfirst.org. That's G.O.D. the number one S.T.O.R.G. You can also write us at God First Bible Fellowship, P.O.

Box 266, Knightdale, North Carolina 27545. If you're just now joining us, I want to share again the verses that we're looking at today. Ephesians Chapter six, verse four. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in training and admonition of the Lord.

And then Colossians Chapter three, verse twenty one. Fathers do not provoke your children less. They become discouraged. I have seen so many children that have became discouraged because of their fathers provoking them.

And a father can provoke again in many ways by not spending time with their children, by being too harsh on their children, by being too critical of their children, by never smiling, never laughing with them. Yes, we are fathers, but we also have fun with our children. I love to have fun with my kids.

I love to play with them. Just just do silly things to make them laugh, to have a good time. And we can we can be that. I've even heard some people say, well, I'm not their friend. I'm their dad. And they and that is true. You are their their dad. But you can be their dad and their friend.

And it also if just because you're their dad doesn't mean you cannot have fun with them. You can have a lot of fun. You can have joyous times. You can laugh.

You can play. And it just is so much builds that relationship. And I know so many people that have became discouraged in life because they did not have that love. They did not have that acceptance from their dad. And we see here again in the scripture that it says in Ephesians Chapter six, verse four. But bring them up in training and admonition of the Lord, because by not doing so, when you provoke them, you can provoke them to wrath. And there are many people walking around in life today that are angry and they are looking for people. They are lashing out at people. They're taking it out on their their their future wives. And they're taking it out on their future husbands because their fathers provoked them to wrath because they wanted the attention and the love of their father. And they didn't get it. So now they are wrathful people.

They're angry people. And I've talked in the first segment about my son. Well, I mentioned also I have a 10 year old daughter, a daughter who loves affection. I mean, from the time she has been born, as far back as I can remember, she's always craved getting up, snuggling up to you and just cuddling. And she loves physical touch. She loves affection. She loves to just come up and give you kisses. And as a dad, I love that.

I'm gonna tell you the truth. I love it. I eat it up. And I say to myself, I hope she's always that way with me, because even at 10 years old, she still likes to come. And I can just be lying there on the couch watching a game and she'll just come and snuggle up next to me and just watch it with me.

And I just love it. But here's the thing. What if I would shun her? What if I would push her away?

What if I did not initiate that? Because, yes, she comes to me with it, but I also go to her. I will go to her and I'll just put my arms around her and I'll say, sweetheart, I love you. And I say, sweetheart, you are so beautiful. Sweetheart, I'm so proud of you. And she just she loves it.

I can I can see and feel that that that feeling of acceptance boiling up inside of her. And I made a commitment to take her to a daddy daughter dance. The first one we went to, she was three years old. She was not even potty trained yet.

She was in pull ups. But we went to the daddy daughter dance and we had a great time. And I made a commitment every year since then to go to the daddy daughter dance.

And we have gone every year since. And we have a wonderful time. We get dressed up. I put on my suit. She'll get a new dress and get a fancy hairdo.

And we go out there and we just have such a wonderful time. Now, I will say the very first time I went, I was I was a bit apprehensive because I'm not a dancer. Anyone who knows me know I don't have a talent of singing. I don't have the talent of dancing. And I was a little apprehensive.

How is it going to be? I'm out here to daddy daughter dance and I can't dance. But what happened is when I got there, I found that probably 95 percent of the dads were the same way, could not dance either. And we just got out there and just started having a good time, though, laughing at each other.

But guess what? The daughters did not mind. They didn't care that their dads couldn't dance. They just wanted to spend time with their fathers, have a good time with them and just show them that love. And that is how you you become an encourager to your daughters.

Show them the type of man to look for when they do become older, when it's time to start dating. And at this daddy daughter dance is a Christian event. And again, I was my my daughter was three years old when I first took her. And so I saw daughters even younger than that. Dads, they were their daughters. And I even saw all ages up to they were young ladies who look like they were teenagers in the upper teens. There were some who look like they were in their 20s, even dads that were senior citizens. They were there with their daughters.

And I'm gonna tell you a few people. It was just a beautiful, beautiful event. It's a beautiful event every year. Now, this year coming up, it looks like the dance will not take place due to covid-19 because of all the restrictions and lockdowns. But I've already told my daughter, we're going to still have our daddy daughter dance. We're going to do it right here at home. We're going to get dressed up like we always want, like we always do. We're going to make the same foods that they typically serve and we're going to do the same things.

We're going to take the pictures and we're going to have that great time together because she needs that. And again, that's not to say that she can't get that from her mother. But when it comes from a dad, it just carries a particular weight because of the way God designed things. God set things up as the man to be the head of the house. God said in his word for husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He sacrificed himself. He made it not about himself, but he sacrificed so that we could have eternal life.

And he did it until the point of death. Now, that doesn't mean necessarily that God is saying that as dads, we have to physically die. But it does mean we have to die to self, die, die to our own desires for the better of our homes. Die to our selfish desires and wants for the better of our wives, for the better of our children. And when we do so, we create a better home. We create better futures for our children.

And it's so important, people. So again, I want to challenge dads today. Your dad out there, if you're not taking that time with your children, with your children, start doing it. Figure out ways just because your relationship or your personalities are different.

Don't let that be a deterrent. Don't just give up so easily and say, well, he doesn't desire the things that I desire. Don't give up and say what she doesn't want.

He doesn't seem to desire to talk to me. Children go through phases. And I've said this with my daughter and the daddy daughter dance, as long as she desires to go to that dance with me, as long as she's not ashamed and embarrassed to go out there with me, I'm going to continue taking her.

And I see so many daughters out there and it is just it's just so beautiful to see. But maybe you are a dad and you're listening to this and you're saying, well, I blew it. You're saying that your children grew up and you were not there for them. Maybe you were not with the Lord at that time. And now you are. And you're and you're regretting it because you say you missed out on your children's childhood.

You were not able to influence them in the way that you would have wanted to. Well, all is not loss. I don't want you to be discouraged. I don't want you to to lose hope because the Book of Joel, Chapter two tells us about our God and about God, the son, and how he is a redeemer. In Joel Chapter two, verse twenty five, we find the text. So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locusts have eaten the crawling locusts, the consuming locusts and the chewing locusts, my great army, which I sent among you. You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord, your God, who has dealt wondrously with you and my people shall never be put to shame. This is a text in which the nation of Israel, when they have been disobedient to God, but they repented and God let them know that because of their repentance, he would restore to them. You see, there had been a great locust invasion that had came and that had ravaged the land.

And the people did not have food in the land was it was under God's judgment. But God said, if you will turn back to me, I will restore to you the years that the locusts have eaten. So he gave them those years back and God will do the same for you. Maybe your children are now grown, but if you will put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, because, folks, we are eternal beings, we are going to live for eternity. And I truly believe that God is going to allow you to have those years back in eternity, the years in which your children were growing up and you weren't there for them. He will allow you those times in eternity, those years to spend with those children.

You have all of eternity to spend that time with them that you missed out on because maybe you weren't where you needed to be with God. And so I want to encourage you today. Don't give up.

Don't lose hope. Ask your children if you weren't there for them, go to them and say, will you forgive me, son? Will you forgive me, daughter?

I'm sorry. Ask them to forgive you and to accept you. And again, I just want to say to dads out there, maybe you are a new dad or maybe you are a soon to be dad. Don't underestimate your importance, the influence that you can have on your children, on your home. It is so important to lead our children spiritually. It is so important to spend that time with them.

It is so important. Tell them I love you. Don't don't don't say it feels awkward.

No, that's how you feel. Say I love you. I tell my children that I want to make sure they hear that. I will I will go to to my daughter and I give more physical affection towards my daughter than I do my son.

And and that's OK. I mean, it doesn't mean I don't give any physical affection towards my son. But as males, I can tell you now he doesn't want to sit in my lap and want me to kiss him. He's fine with the fist bump.

He's fine with me just putting my hand on his shoulder. But we have great times together. And I share with them how much they mean to me. I would do anything for my children. And there are so many today that crave that love and attention from their dads. But dads, you are ignoring your children. And by doing so, you are provoking them. You are causing your children to grow up and to turn to promiscuity. You're causing your children to grow up and turn to gangs, causing them to grow up and turn to drugs, to turn to violence, to turn to everything but the things that are the things that are of God because they are seeking love.

They're seeking attention. And if you would give that to them, you can set them on the path in which they will grow up to be good, upstanding citizens that can be great vessels for the kingdom of God. So, dads, let's do our part. Let's let's love in the way that Jesus loves. Let's show our kids the great gifts that they are, that God has blessed us with as they are made in his image. And we have something that is so wonderful, something that is so much to be treasured. And we're not going to be here forever. Make the most of the time that you have with your kids. Make the most of the time that you have with your families.

Again, there may be challenges. I understand children will be rebellious at times and you don't condone the wrongdoing. You discipline them. And that's what true love is. True love is not me.

You just go along with their wrongdoing. But true love says, no, don't go that way. Go in the way of the Lord. So, folks, I hope this message has been a blessing to someone. I so much just have it on my heart to to to give that love of Jesus Christ, to share that love of Jesus Christ with my children, to to encourage you to do the same. I want you to please come back and join me again next week.

I thank you for joining me this week. We are going to encourage continue to encourage you to put God first while viewing life through the window of the Bible. Until then, remember to pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Bless God's great nation of Israel and to the only wise God be glory through Jesus Christ forever.

Amen. You've been listening to the Bible teacher Brian C. Thomas, founder and president of God First. Brian and God first reserve all copyright protection under applicable law. Our copyright policy is available at our Web site, God first dot org. Until next time, remember to pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Bless God's great nation of Israel and seek first the kingdom of God.