Why Praying for Yourself is Essential

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That's Give Families Hope dot com. A common prayer that I pray for myself is, Lord, help. When I pray, I pray that God would give me and my husband a family one day. I pray that I'll be a good husband for my wife. I often pray that God would make me more aware of him in my day to day life. I'm eight months pregnant, so my prayers these days are mostly, Lord, please help me be a good mom and not mess up this baby. Well, those prayers, do they sound familiar? What kind of prayers do you pray for yourself? Today on Focus on the Family, we're going to be learning more about the power and the purpose of prayer. Thanks for joining us.

I'm John Fuller and your host is Focus President and author Jim Daly. John, this is one of those obvious topics where we know the right thing to do, but it's hard to do it. And it's about prayer and particularly prayer about ourselves. I think we're even quicker to want to pray for others. It's easy to pray for someone who's struggling. But when we're the ones struggling, I think we do kind of find it more difficult to say, Lord, I need help. And it's such a genuine opportunity to say, Lord, help me. And you can get so distracted from that type of prayer because there's so many other people that need care and attention, especially in a busy mom's life. Think of that. And today we're going to talk about how important it is for you to pray for the Lord to engage with you directly.

Yeah. And this is one of those topics, Jim, that I think a lot of us feel under equipped. We feel like we're ineffective. Prayer might seem rude or routine, or maybe God doesn't seem to be answering my prayers. There's just a whole lot of weakness associated with prayer.

There is. And I just want to get to it because you're going to feel and know the heart of our guest today, Jody Burnt, who is back in the studio with us. She has studied the topic of prayer for many years. She's written how to pray for your children, how to pray for your teens, how to pray for your adult children. And this new book is about how to pray for you, how to pray for yourself. And I'm looking forward to it today. Jody, welcome back. Thank you.

Thanks so much for having me. And let me just mention, Jody is an author and speaker and a Bible teacher and has written 10 books. Jim, you referenced some of those.

I tried. She has a brand new one called Praying the Scriptures for Your Life, 31 Days of Abiding in the Presence, Provision, and Power of God. And we have copies of that here at the ministry.

The link is in the episode notes or call 800-AFAMILY. Jody, there was a time when, and I so relate to this, you viewed praying kind of like a vending machine. Lord, this is what I need. Pop, there it is.

And you reach in and pull it out. I think a lot of people can relate to that, but that's not what God wants in our prayer relationship, right? Yeah, I definitely, for a lot of years, you know, you don't really know how to pray or if you're doing it right. And I thought, okay, I'm going to ask God for something. And then if it happens, must have been a good prayer.

And if not, you know, maybe I did it wrong or didn't whatever. And it felt very transactional. And yet, as you look at Christ's model for prayer, right, it's all about connection. And this new book really came out of about two years of me just spending time in John 15. And it's the hours right before his crucifixion. And he's hanging out with the disciples, you know, his closest companions. And you think, golly, what does he want to say?

You know, what would we say to our closest friends if we knew our time was short? And you think all the stuff he could have talked about, you know, he could have talked about evangelism, he could have talked about how to preach a really great three point sermon, he could have talked about feeding 5000 people again, you know, let's go over that one again, because that seems very useful. But he doesn't, he really drills down in those last words on prayer. And he says, and I think this is one of the most remarkable promises in all of Scripture, he says, If you remain in me, or if you abide in me, and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. And so he's telling them, let's not just have it transactional, let's have it be a connection point, a remaining, you know, I'm going to remain in you, as my Holy Spirit takes up residence in your life.

Let my words remain in you. We have his Scripture. And we can ask him for whatever we wish. That's a great promise, a promise, but remarkable.

It sounds like a, you know, late night infomercial, like too good to be true. But you realize why he's doing it. In the very next verse, in verse eight, he says, This is to my Father's glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples. And that's why he wants us to ask him for stuff. Because he wants us to bear fruit, he wants us to be people of impact. And that's where Jesus says, Let my words remain in you. Because the more we dig into Scripture, the more we spend time getting to know God through his word, the more the things that we want, the more our desires begin to line up with what he already wants to do. Yeah, it's so true.

It's good. Speak to all of us, Christians, particularly, obviously, how we tend to be a little passive with prayer. Or even, in my opinion, even worse, we make it like the thing of last resort, right? We don't speak to God for years. And then when our backs up against the wall, we better pray now. I mean, I guess it's good that you are praying in that moment. But why not make that a regular routine, right? Why not make it a more regular routine?

You're so right. I mean, we were talking earlier about human relationships, and how many marriages would thrive if the only time you talked to your spouse was when you really needed something? Or how many children would feel loved or parents would feel loved if the only thing was, okay, I made dinner, here it is.

The child never said, I'm hungry, or thank you. You know, it's this asking this receiving this thinking that helps strengthen our connection. And I think that's what God wants. Because he could give us anything we need. And he does a lot of times when we don't ask. But when we ask and acknowledge him as the source of our provision, that signals relationship. And that's what he wants.

That's what he wants relationship with us. I want to go back at the abiding part that you mentioned out of john 15, because abiding could, you know, even some people may not even really understand the definition of the word. So let's spend a few moments. Yeah, you know, I wouldn't if you're listening, and you say, I don't know what that is, you're among friends, because I'll tell you what, I went to a Christian camp growing up where we learned to sing this song. And I'm not a good singer, but I will just say it went abiding in the vine abiding in the vine. And I didn't know what it was talking about.

And my much younger brother was about four. And he would sing it, but he would sing, we're fighting in the barn, we're fighting in the barn. He didn't understand the lyrics. And I thought, you know, I love the beat.

Well, I thought to myself, I can picture what a barn fight looks like, you know, we can all picture of a fight in a barn. But I had no idea what it looked like to abide in the vine, you know, so that is a little confusing and old fashioned sounding. And yet, you know, we were talking earlier to about different Bible translations. And as you read that john 15 verse, he says, remain in me 11 times in 10 verses in john 15.

So obviously, it matters to him. And as you compare the translations, there are verses like abide in me, remain in me, dwell in me, let my words dwell in you, let them take up residence in you. And I think that's really what it comes down to is sort of that connection, that place of surrender that yieldedness to him and to his words. What are the benefits of abiding in Christ?

What are the benefits, you know, such a good one. Andrew Murray wrote a book called abide. And it's, it's from this john 15. And it's so interesting, because, and again, I'm so frightened that I'll get it wrong, but I want to get across his gist. He says, as believers, we completely get the idea that apart from Christ, we can do nothing, you know, Jesus says, remain in me, because apart from me, you can do nothing, right, john 15, verse five. And we're like, we get that, you know, we think we need to stay attached to get his strength and his source through our lives. But what we miss is that just as the vine is dependent on the branches to bear fruit, because you don't see the grapes just popping out of the trunk or the vine, right, it needs the branches for the sap to go through. So God for reasons we might not ever understand, has chosen to make himself dependent on us as the branches to dispense his fruit, his blessing his provision in the world. So you talk about the benefits to abiding, certainly, we get filled up with that connection, that love that relationship with Christ. But we also get to become people who can make a difference in our world, because we are the branches that bear the fruit. We're the ones that dispense his blessing and provision in the lives of the people around us. I think too, and that that is a good insight.

I love the analogies that God has given us his natural world like that just looking at the grape vines, etc. But also that abiding principle is really knowing the peace of God. When there's chaos and turbulence in your life, when you can really abide in him, there is a sense of peace. You know, I know many people whose spouse has passed away. And when I call them on the phone to talk with them, or spend time with them, they talk about that peace that they feel even in the midst of that great pain. That's what we're talking about that ability to abide in God, to abide in Christ, even when there's turmoil all around you.

It's an anchor place, isn't it? It's an anchor place for our faith, for our trust, to know that we are held and we have something to hold on to. Jody, you've outlined 31 different ways to pray and abide in Jesus.

And this is what your book's all about, praying the scriptures for your life. Let's explore a few of those starting with marriage. There's a place where many people say, yeah, if you can give me peace in my marriage, I will call you blessed.

Oh, yeah. What is that first one on marriage? And how do we say often like we do, God, please change my spouse?

I mean, I'm going there because it's true. We do say that, right? I'd have a perfect marriage if it wasn't for my spouse. Well, and you're hitting close to home on this one because I share the story in this book because we do.

We pray, God, fix him, change him, fix her, change her. But I'll tell you, early on in Robbie's and my newlywed years, we all come to marriage with different backgrounds and different baggage. Label it whatever you will, but we're not raised in the same home, so things are done differently. And in our case, I had come from a home where my dad did a lot of the grocery shopping. He did a lot of the kitchen cleanup, all of that.

And I just sort of expected that Robbie would be that. Robbie had grown up in a home where his mom really, if something happened inside the house, she was taking care of it. She was the CEO of the house. Yes, she was the cooking, the cleaning. And his dad would hang out with her.

He might read the paper or fix himself something to drink. And he was being supportive. It wasn't like he was this absentee dad. But so Robbie came into the marriage with that model. And I came into the marriage thinking, okay, where's the food?

Did you get the groceries? I can imagine the first night. Yeah, the first night.

Imagine the first year. I mean, it took a little while with both of us kind of looking at the other person wondering, who is this person I've married and how is this guy? And I was spending time praying, saying, you know, God, just teach him to do this. Just fix him. Just make him more like my dad was really what I was praying.

A lot of girls, I think, get married and think, God, he's not like my dad. Well, God very gently said to me, you know, Jody, if you would just stop nagging, and if you would trust me, I can shape Robbie into a better husband than you could ever make, even if I gave you a blank check to design the man, you know, that you would think would be perfect. And so I did. I said, Alright, Lord, I'm just gonna stop my nagging.

And I'm even going to stop my praying and I'm going to start my trusting. And I kid you not the day after and I know God doesn't always work in an instant, but in this case, he was really bringing the point home. I was in the kitchen the day after deciding I'm not going to nag and I'm just going to release. And I it was a tiny little newlywed kitchen, you know, smaller than this table and I'm in there and I'm chopping up the broccoli and he's in the other room and he peeks his head around the corner. And he says, Is there anything I can do to help get ready for dinner? And you know, I burst into tears. And I'm sure he's thinking like, picture any, you know, young husband thinking what I thought I was now she's crying again. You know, these poor guys that we keep them guessing, but it was like God had said, See, just trust me.

And I will tell you that over the years, he has been faithful that he has shaped Robbie into a husband that exceeds anything in my wildest dreams. But it's not because of my nagging. It's not because of my suggesting and because of any of that. It's because of God's work in both of our lives. You know, Jody, I so appreciate that vulnerability and transparency.

I mean, speak to that woman right now who is still there saying change him. And then really, you know, that bitterness that can crop up. I mean, you're a joyful person. I think it's, if I could say it this way, you seem to be a person that would naturally see improvement and go wow, thank you, Lord.

Some spouses, that bitterness gets so deep that I guess I would say the mud over their heart is so deep that when the Lord moves, they may not even recognize it. And that's real. And I have been there. You might think I'm joyful, but I definitely can get in my gloom funks and be there as well. And I think that's an intentional surrender and an intentional yielding and an intentional Lord work in me. And, you know, I've always said one of my favorite prayers when we don't feel loving and we don't feel forgiving.

Sometimes I'm like, I can't even go there. And God will say, How about the prayer of make me willing to be willing? You know, not just make me willing to forgive or make me willing to love, but make me willing to be willing to love. And I think sometimes, too, if we resolve to take a perspective shift, like another thing, poor Ravi, I hope he doesn't listen to this broadcast. He's listening right now. OK, so early on, early on in our marriage, he would just and I know probably every wife who's listening will hear this. He would like have his T-shirts and just drop his laundry on the floor of the bedroom or wherever.

Way to go Ravi. And I would think, I would think, OK, the hamper is like three feet away. How hard can this be? Is this every marriage or what? Yes, I want the women right now to call focus on the family and say amen. By the way, for us, it's the dishwasher.

OK, the dishwasher. OK, there you go. And I remember seeing that and I said to Ravi, what, you know, what is it that makes you? And he was funny. He said, Oh, gosh, you know, I'm away on a business trip or I'm going off to work. And I thought that would remind you of me when I'm gone.

I will tell you in the honest planet, true confessions. What rose up in me right then was not gratitude or a reminder. It was a what the heck.

But without a doubt. But in an instant, I saw the humor in it and I thought, you know what? I am going to look at his T-shirt and say, let that be a trigger for me for gratitude. So, wife, when you see that thing that bugs you, let it be a trigger to say, I have a husband. Thank you, God. Or in my case, I was like, I have a washing machine. You know, that's a gift from God.

It's a it's something we might overlook. But but to see that and think I can wash this thing and I have a husband, even the things that annoy us, if we give them to God and say, help me see them as blessings, he can flip that whole equation around and you can see that. And I think that's the reason I ask, because you've got to come to a point where you can actually let go of that bitterness, especially in your marriage and leave it to the Lord to work on your spouse. And we thought there's a chapter in the book on forgiveness and in there, too. You know, and I've heard, you know, you've heard this quote because everybody says it in some shape or form. But hanging on to bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. You know, all of that.

It's us. It's a good one to remember. And the book Jody refers to is praying the scriptures for your life.

Thirty one days of abiding in the presence, provision and power of God. The author is Jody Burnt. She's our guest today on Focus on the Family. Give us a call to get your copy of this. This is one of those books that you will go to time and time again.

Our number is 800-AFAMILY or the link is in the episode notes. We've covered the marriage side of this. Now, guess what's next? Praying for your children and worrying about them. I think that's probably the big thing. You've kept a log, a prayer log, which I think is great. I wish I would have done that. I tended to remember that in my mind.

But how did you keep the log? And when the Lord answered prayers, how did you share that with your kids? Well, one of the things I do that I think anybody can do, whether you're a journaler or not. But as you know, I'm all about praying the scripture, I'm about taking scripture and reading it and saying, oh, be kind and compassionate to one another. You read that in Ephesians and you want to flip it around and say, Lord, make my kids kind and compassionate to one another. You know, it takes the Bible as a as a conversation starter where God is speaking to us and we're praying it right back to him. And there's real power there. So what I my Bible is full of you.

If you pulled it out, you would see that there are notes in the margins and it's kind of falling apart because it's old. But I might have prayed this one over my son in 2006 or this one in 2009 or 2011. And then years later, when I go by and see how God has answered that, that's a fun remembrance. It's a it's a little altar right there in the in a good way. You know, the altar and say thus far, the Lord has helped me to say that that this is where I saw God move. And I also keep keep a prayer journal. And I like to go back to that and and see what God has answered, how he's answered in ways I didn't expect, which is often. You know, he doesn't always answer in the way we expect. But yeah, I'm a big fan of recording that.

Yeah. Jean and I, the other day, we've gotten into a good habit of reading together and praying together early in the morning. And the other morning, Troy, our now 18 year old, he was down getting breakfast before heading off to school. And I was trying to decide, do I just go ahead and pray like I would normally pray for him in front of him?

I mean, he's about 30 feet away, but he could hear. And I said, no, I'm just going to pray the way I normally pray. So I prayed for his future spouse. I prayed for his soul and his well-being and his wisdom toward the Lord and pursuing God's heart for his life. You know, I'm thinking, OK, what is he thinking right now? But, you know, I want him to hear how I pray for him.

I bet you he thought that and he heard it and I bet you he loved it. And I will tell you on the other side of parenting, you know, with our kids being grown now, the things they might have rolled their eyes at, especially during the teen years, are the things they're grateful for now. And there is nothing, I think, that can build a kid's confidence as much as seeing their earthly parent talk to their heavenly parent about them. Yeah, it's a good thing to model and be sincere with it.

Don't don't hype it up and pretend. I mean, do what you would normally do. I think for your son or daughter to see that is a good insight. Let's move to how the Bible describes loving others.

Let me just step back one minute, though, because you said it's something that's good for them to see. And it is that that praying over their day, praying over their spouse, praying. But when our kids are in a tricky spot and we are crying out to God, poor lamentations, you know, too, says, pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord.

And a lot of that is an absolute gutting ourselves. I might I'm not sure I would let my kids always see that. It's wisdom, right? When there's conflict. Yeah, when there's conflict, you're talking to the Heavenly Father, but they might not need to know how distraught you are.

I would totally agree in that context. Let's move to another important area where we need to be praying for ourselves. And again, it's not selfish to pray for yourself. It's good to pray for yourself.

No, but please say that again. It is not selfish because I spent so long thinking it's great to pray for my kids. It's great to pray for the starving people in Africa. It's great to pray for world peace. But you just feel like so wrong when you come to God with your own needs.

And yet God is going, no, please come to me. And I think that is a mom, wife thing. Maybe so. I really do, because I think women are so quick to not want to do something for themselves.

It's just built in. It's a beautiful thing. It's a very humble thing. But it's okay to pray for yourself. In that regard, why forgiveness is such a challenging thing for us to do. And of course, for forgiveness to be rooted properly, we need to start in prayer. Help me, Lord, to forgive that person who has wounded me. And life is full of wounds, isn't it, and offenses. And if someone hadn't said they're sorry, you know, we think, well, I can't forgive them. And yet Jesus would say, oh, yes, you can, just like he has with us.

We don't have to wait. And the longer we hold on to that unforgiveness and let that bitterness take root, it's like we said earlier, it's like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. We give the offender power. You know, Lewis Smeets has written extensively on the power of forgiveness. And I love what he said. He's like, we let this monster build up and they have this control over us because they have hurt us.

But when we forgive them, we take their power away. It's just amazing. It's amazing. And I tell the story in the book.

I love it. Another UVA story, the center on our team, Jay Huff, was part of the national championship team in 2019. You're bragging a little bit. Can I please talk a little bit more about that?

Can I say the national championship? I'll just say that slowly. No, but Jay, as a high schooler, I got to know his dad and his dad said that as a high schooler, Jay had a really high radar for what was right and what was wrong, what was fair and what wasn't. And so when he saw the refs make a bad call, he would protest, you know, everything in him like, that's a bad call. And as a result, he would get technical fouls. And that was not a good thing for a budding athlete. You know, he had to learn to keep that under control. And his dad finally sat him down and he said, you know, Jay, nobody got a worse set of calls than Jesus.

Right. He didn't do anything wrong. And look at the call he got. And he said, so what did Jesus do? He took it. He responded in forgiveness.

He responded in love. And what a great lesson for us when we think we have been so wronged. And maybe we have to look at Christ and say, Lord, help me respond as he did in love and in forgiveness, even if the offender hadn't said they're sorry. That is an amazing thing to remember.

It is. I mean, we have to remember that. I would put that, too, in the context of culture and where we're at as Christians. And, you know, the cancel culture that we talked about before. Yeah. We think we're so right to hang on to our offendedness. Well, right.

And how do we exemplify the attitude of Christ when people are throwing stones at us? You know, Stephen kind of gave us that model. It's not one that we want. Yeah. And, well, the cancel culture is nothing new, you know, as I'm reading my Bible this year. And I'm finding that, you know, Jews are afraid because they know that if they acknowledge that Jesus healed this person or that person, that they're going to get put out of the synagogue, you know, they were getting canceled early on as well. Right. That's part and parcel of being a Christian. It was a real threat.

It's the history. Somebody's going to cut you off, cancel you, not let you come into their group, whatever it is. We all get canceled. And yet how we have to respond, again, is in that love and in that forgiveness and that faithfulness. Not compromising our values.

I'm not saying, you know, be rolled over, but I'm just saying don't respond with up in the ante of anger. Well, this kind of dovetails into the final question I wanted to ask you about. I was fascinated by how you compared the word patience to suffering.

It's kind of what you're talking about, whether it's in the cultural context or in the marital context or in the child rearing context. And I'm thinking that person that, you know, is praying for that patience, but they don't want to suffer. We don't want to stay in suffering. Galatians tells us patience is a fruit of the Spirit. Right.

And so it's a good thing. But I will say in my own experience, I did not equate patience with a good thing. It seemed like it was a code word for an unmet longing, you know, or an unmet desire or need even to the point of suffering. And I was intrigued to learn that patience actually does come from the Latin word for suffering. There's a link there.

Don't press me on that because I'm not a wordsmith, but I did read that one. And when we wait, we do need to have that that courage, that strength. God says in Psalm 27, 14, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord because God could have any number of reasons why he might be calling us to wait. He might be asking us or wanting us to refine our desire and our longing so that we are actually desiring what it is that he wants us to give. He may be allowing us to build our faith. How much more grateful are you and how much more are you apt to acknowledge God's provision when you do finally get that car, when it's the farmer praying for rain, when it's the couple trying to conceive and they haven't yet been able to do that. When that baby comes, there is an acknowledgment of God's goodness and a gratitude that wouldn't have been there had we not had that season of waiting.

That's so good. And I hope if you're hurting and you're in a spot where patience is required and you've been in the valley, know that we're here. We have caring Christian counselors who can talk with you, who can pray with you, who can provide additional resources for you.

You know, after over 40 years of ministry, I don't think you'll surprise us. And if you do, we'll learn from it together and be able to share that wisdom with other people. So do lean on us.

We're here for that reason. Supporters have been able to support us in such a way that we have a great team of counselors to help you. Also, we'd love to put a copy of Jody's book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Life, 31 Days of Abiding in the Presence, Provision and Power of God.

I'm going to make this so easy because I believe in the content. If you can send us a gift of any amount, we'll send it to you as our way of saying thank you. If you can't afford it, we'll send it to you. Just get ahold of us.

I would think we should be moving tens of thousands of these books. Who doesn't want to pray better for themselves, for their family, for their marriages, etc.? Just lean on us. I'm going to trust that others will cover the cost of that.

And if you can help, do so. Be a part of the ministry. It accrues to your benefit in God's economy that you're doing ministry through focus. So get engaged with us and let's help people together. Contact us today. Make a donation if you can of any amount and get a copy of this great book, Praying the Scriptures for Your Life.

Our number is 800-A-FAMILY and the link is in the episode notes. Jody, again, thanks for being with us. This has been great. Thank you.

Thank you. It's always a pleasure. And on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Just like a warm fireplace when it's cold outside, the joy the Christmas season gives comfort. I'm John Fuller and Focus on the Family is excited to let you know about our Christmas Stories podcast. Each episode brings heartwarming conversations to bring your family closer together and remind you of the hope we have in Jesus. You can enjoy that podcast at Focus on the Family dot com slash Christmas Stories. Hear past shows and the brand new season five at Focus on the Family dot com slash Christmas Stories.