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Difficult Conversations for Men (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly
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August 6, 2021 6:00 am

Difficult Conversations for Men (Part 2 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly

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August 6, 2021 6:00 am

Pastor Johnny Hunt examines some common issues men have a difficult time talking about, and offers encouraging insights for finding freedom from the guilt and shame associated with those struggles. (Part 2 of 2)

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I was convinced that nothing can change what was going on in our marriage and I want to try anymore but my commitment to God, help me try one more time. We went to a hope restored marriage intensive and it was life-changing. The counselors created the safest environment we could imagine so that let us really talk one a much different course now I believe we received a miracle that week received your free consultation help you will not build a great church, you will not have a ministry upon which the sun never said if you don't reach me in over 85% of him. Man comes to Christ. The whole family comes to Christ pastor Johnny Hunt was our guest on the last Focus on the Family broadcast with the really inspiring testimony in a deep commitment to help men thrive in Christ is back with us for a second day. I know you're going to learn a lot from this conversation, your hostess focus Pres. Jim Daly and on John John. I found our discussion with Johnny Hunt fascinated really has stories and some very important sites that men especially need to hear were glad to have him back again is to get to know more about his interesting life for some of the struggles he's been through and how God has used him in some remarkable ways.

If you missed last time. I hope you'll go back and listen to that get the upper go to the website you look for the link will have it in the episode notes and pastor Johnny Hunt is the author of a book called unspoken what men won't talk about and why. Check that out at the website as well. Johnny is the pastor emeritus of First Baptist Church of Woodstock, Georgia and the former president of the Southern Baptist convention. Johnny welcome back to Focus on the Family. Thank you. It's good to be back enjoyed day one we had fun and it was great to hear how God brought you out of the pool hall basically right as I have put you in that nice GTO that I want to see pictures of someday, but what a incredible conversation about God's work in somebody's life and if you missed day one and you gotta get a copy get the download. Do whatever you need to do as it was really influential for me.

Just hearing how God works in a man's heart, and you are a tough dude if if God can reach you.

You can reach anybody right you know them first Timothy Paul actually says that God is set my life up as an example like really to say if God can save solid parsing save anyone but I've said just the opposite of God can use me the background I came out in the West skip school probably had 1/9 grade education.

Even though made it to the 10th but really I just never applied myself. I was drinking and carousing beer nice nice stuff. God can take what he started with my life and use me is encouragement. They can use anyone right and that's the point for all who are listening exactly. I mean there is nobody who is beyond the reach of God.

I like to tell really are an example of that childlike detail in that is not what you brain that causes you to be effective for him is what he puts in you. So it's you may feel your humble likes and just come from this type of a background God can't really use me will is not based on your humble background is based on a sovereign supernatural God invading your life and then living out his salvation in you.

So Johnny, how did God move you forward in your calling alright so now where do I go from here and so here's what I believe God is never shown me a to see God will say, here's where you are today. Trust me yet, but how my good that it your job is sort like agree to receive the ticket and leave the driving to me. So then my pastor said I went to Gardner Webb College University now. But it was a Baptist school received no state funding which only thing I could've hoped for. Some type of grant, based on my poverty, but he talked to the president said this is one of the most promising young man he had seen in his ministry. Basically, here's what they said were going to be one semester got one dollar. At that point were going to move eight hours won't give up my job with the promise. One semester, but we felt really called to do it. So we went thinking in all lands and my soul and with they would ask questions in class and I become a really good bottle stated I'm out. I was reading everyday on reading other things I can answer just about every question I read my quarterlies so I became a man I just really became someone you're hungry. I was starving for God's work. Any the Bible says as newborn babes we desire the sincere milk of the word.

If there was a Bible study and I wish I could get there.

I would go so I went off to school and they begin to say, hey, does anybody want to do the Bible studies for our radio listening audience.

Nobody raised Diana. I'll do it and then they would say if I would do next week know what I'll do it who would like to go preach at a church in Stone Mountain to sweep down the serial nobody raised her hand was hungry.

I wanted everything so one day. This is a great story one day the chaplain Buddy Freeman said hey Johnny I know you been preaching a little bit for the school and I've only been a Christian.

Three years they said there's a church that they want me to him to be the interim, I can't be there for two weeks.

Would you fill in for two weeks and I wasn't a big deal because that Sunday morning Sunday night Wednesday night. Back in those days, but I did they called Mr. Freeman and said, Native Americans that we like this Indian can we keep God and let him be our inner sinů Never heard a story like this in my life I preach for them for like three months and God move people were being say all friends were going up just out of the pure fallacy of whatever I can learn. Here's what I'd I had Matthew Henry's commentary on the Bible, a Scofield Bible what is notes and if Schofield it know it and I couldn't get it from my Bible commentary that's all I that was my library, so they brought in a preacher Masters of Divinity from Southwestern seminary for voting on Sasebo, I'll go somewhere else that I backed him a little home church. I joined seminary college that day. Here's how they voted about a little piece papers 35 people. If you're forwarding or furry for yes and if you getting none GM John they receive like seven boring three against team and all the rest of them wrote my name in one so this is it. I became the pastor that I think about it without them ever presenting me if you ever heard of a pastor being fight again without having presented so they called us of how to go about peeler, chairman of the committee pastor Johnny the people wrote your name in a day. Here's our little South Carolina weekends want to know if humans will become our pastor. That's became the pastor.

My first church stayed there three years. So God had a plan, listen, had I never surrendered and less even to a loss minutes listening when you never surrender to God's prompting in your heart that I'm settling this in your life, you never come to realize why you're here in the first place and then if you're Christian in you never surrender. You never know what God's purpose for your life is so I'm now finding his purpose. So where I worried I can go to school. I don't have the money. There was a church and being in that church.

There was a man name Otis Scruggs.

I love it so you tell us how God used Otis in your life, Otis and Paolo Scruggs begin to love my wife and I and our daughter Holly would be born a couple years later and so they came to my house one day and told me the story.

We have two sons said dinner we go every week when Michael meet your children there in heaven they been going 45 years. They were twins and they died with kidney disease and about we talk they could've made the day but they didn't know what to do back then and I thought Otis I am so sorry. He said we used to kneel by the bassinets and pray God used both of but we want to parent a preacher call one or both of these boys to preach and they set our dream.what are boys and I said I'm sorry and here's what I'll never forget as long as I live. My wife and I rehearsed the story they look at us. That's where you come in and I give God glory for this.

Here's what he said we are in our late 70s and we've never seen a young man on fire like you and I was 23 syndrome fire you want in your body get saved and we thought you need help.

You have money you will have close a meeting only take one suit change so many ways to look different every week night once a and he said we want to take care of you.

So we are here today to ask and to this day I get emotional us to top make was that look like he said. The starters will pay for your education. Number two will want to buy you your wife and your daughters close number three. Every other week. Look for me. I'll be looking for you all have something for you and he would give me some 20s.

Every other week for three years three months and three weeks so they covered everything in the rock parents so paid for my school and bought me a really nice because I tell the Bible. First there for centuries and even a pair of real hush puppies so that I just don't forget this and he was shake my hand and you know the end. $40 every week. $80 cash in 1976 I was a big deal and so they became like our parents. I said Otis one Thomas at Otis. You got so much me please.

This is enough by me more close and here's what he said Mr. Johnny, I've been thinking about what I've done for you. He says son I've never missed anything. I've given away my thought about that you can invest. You can span you can waste but try to remember where you are a loser.

From what you gave away and I just stuck with me that and so I called them all the time but I went to see him on his deathbed and I moved I was off seminary the end and they said don't come right now.

Dr. says a couple of days and he's comatose. He won't know that you're here and you know the answer. I will know I'm there. So all the way there seven hours I prayed Lord, please ;-) please, just like in telling one more time how grateful I am. This man is made so we got there and she said you can go in and I went in and I in a deep voice I just said Otis Otis Otis and Otis responded and said he woke up and you could tell he was sort of, you know, hazy, and then he saw was me and there was a smile and he was hooked up every machine and I just in tears told me I love you you been like a dad never forget you don't know a became agitated and I didn't know what he was doing Reaching, reaching. That man was looking for his wallet, because I'd never been around meeting give me something, and I'm convinced so I walked out and I wrote a sermon and here's what I wrote. A man will die the way lives Otis was a giver.

He died a giver. He died trying to give me one more again and so people need to think about that.

If you're lost in your thinking. One day I will know if you don't mail today is the day of salvation today if you hear his voice hard. Not your heart because it's so easy tell us full of people with good intentions, but never intended to go there but Otis died the way he lived beautiful. I appreciate the heart and passion of our guest today on Focus on the Family Johnny Hunt and his book is called unspoken what men won't talk about and why will encourage you to get your copy when you call us 800 a family or the notes have the link for that book and other resources as well. Johnny one of the core issues that men struggle with the necessities in the book are know their overwhelming actually the 50% or 58% of men over 50 view pornography is the issue of pornography. Let's dissect this in a couple ways. One, why is that so powerful in a man's life and his appetites. So if we can answer that question. Then I'll come follow up with a couple more is so absolutely true that men are affected by sight. And so the enemy has had a heyday in that research shows that there is not any subject matter in the world that is even close to the pornographic sites they know that it's in. Research shows it is not just that they want to see the pornography they want to see different pornography not the same ones over and over again and then men become addicted to that source. So as a result, billions of far more than will be given to evangelical church in America far more billions will be spent this year in the purchase of pornography and so we have a ministry in our church that really deals with addictions in there from every walk of life profession.

I mean just any profession you can think up there, struggling, and we call it walking free and it's an ongoing deal of accountability. In so doing everything we can, but until a man again humbles himself and says I'm in a court if you in the Proverbs, Proverbs 5, six and seven, almost in their entirety deal with sexual sin, but in the latter part of chapter 5 it says that you really are in bondage kosher tied up with the cool words of your own sin. The cords of your own sin somberly when the Bible says God will turn you over. It's not like he is all boy. He is really working you over none. He's let you have what you desire Janeiro now and yes and is that which is consuming your life and so men men really want to be free and they got to know there's a safe place. There's someone they can talk to like a man may come to my office and here's how I normally start. I'm here to talk to you about deepest secret I've been needing to come see you for a year and I know you probably won't tell anybody but your wife and then I need to remind him. Now I don't carry this home.

Great marriage. I will go home and see how we live.

My days were not so. Sometimes my wife say what you hear to split up my said it's been coming for about a year will I do not know, and I said because I protected you from it you know so really is a pastor and then there is a quality got built within a leaders life and I can explain this but when I'm dealing with people in my office that are dealing with particular sense when I address those through exposition through a book. I'm not thinking about them when I'm preaching right you know they may feel like all he's hammering me to deny no no no this is I'm not at issue, preacher, I didn't hear your problem and address it Sunday and I think as we get in trouble. We would make everything that is an issue we try to deal with the issue right then. When the Scripture will deal with it. Yeah I am thinking of the stats again.

I want to make sure people hear this. The data of that they collected 69% of American men between 31 and 49, 69% view pornography monthly. And again, 49% for men ages 50 to 68 this is a lifelong battle for so many, let me go back to my earliest recollection went before the Internet. It was James Dobson Focus on the Family that spoke one day and said is not being addressed but I need to tell you evangelical pastors at 50% of your men are already struggling with pornography and now that wasn't a day I can still remember saying there's no way. So in our research, we asked pastors. Are you dealing with the subject to which the majority said it's not a problem in our church while the guess what, it is a product of their church but again when we preach we don't thunder against it where they are with a solution will let me ask you that that man who is a me were talking about 50 to 70% of guys in the church. No 15 to 68. That's a big number.

So what they do. Okay, so they want to come and they want to get on a better path where they have to do personally to do that. I really want to know what guns are safe places we start a ministry. And because we deal with so many issues in men's lives in many that lead them to take their life. We used to have men's ministries of the church. We couldn't keep them as ministries of the church because we couldn't afford the insurance to keep us safe from those that were harming themselves in our ministry while so we had to place them out on their own 501(c) so we have one called hope quest that was started in our church.

It's now men and women, and you moved to the facility.

I mean, because it is so overwhelming is not just come in for an hour. This is ruling their entire life unit we're dealing with a family right now where a granddaddy has touched his grandchildren mean it doesn't get any more challenging. So this guy doesn't need to come in for we can use to move to a facility and get in and we have medical doctors helping us because there's medication being prescribed so they can survive, but through that ministry, we do the ministry said he could go to hope and then they could find.

Walking free and that draws even our church like 200 people a week from all walks of life to stay in there for a pretty long time.

And even there, we offer them help like their own. Their computer so we just say put in safe eyes. You have two or three people site but you can't go there without the others, and then we're dealing with those did not get there and I don't want to get there but I know it's out there. The dark way and so they're getting in the child pornography. So we've we've had some related nurturing in ministry that have gone to prison because of child pornography. And so in here's the thing in the Scripture. When you study and it says that lawlessness to lawlessness what it's referring to is a progression sin is never satisfied with the amount of view it possesses. So it's always one more. Adrian Rogers used to say. Consider your life 100 acre field site satisfied. If you just give them 1 acre but he will take it in the middle of your acreage and he will have egress to all of your life and he will ruling your life from that one area, so he just wants us the scriptural call of the stronghold, or a place behind enemy lines right to fire Johnny. The other area is this area of depression.

You hit the wall. Many pastors and done that to me not to overstate it but several.

I know have hit that wall. I guess the question is for men in general. Regardless of the vocation.

They pursue what is the precursor for depression in men and then what happened to you and how did you get through and against the story and so when I came out and told my story when I came back I was at 16 weeks. When I came back I told the story of what happened and what God used to bring recovery mine was.

I had had cancer surgery prostate cancer surgery and had never been sick so I had one question for Dr. when cannot be back preaching and I really came back way to say so I'm dealing with that. I'm the president of the Southern Baptist convention. Also, you have a lot of a lot on me. But you know you feel indispensable at times you feel right. You can do it you know you feel like Superman and my wife told me the ass was, not Superman. It was stupid so I never forget out, I saw a lady yeah she's a prophet, she does.

She cuts to the chase, but again men can't talk about it. I remember so my wife says we're on a little sabbatical and she says son I'm not asking presidencies behind you and us quite a challenge to try to lead deal with all your issues and stuff you become the spokesman for the entire denomination every issue and then they said, she said how do you feel you know they know you data and here's what I said this is where it started. I can explain it but something inside of me time, I can't go back because I don't have anything and that's when somebody says you need a break and I don't mean two weeks because you've you've not left time to replenish something your body produces right so it was again Dr. Dobson used to say when you get depressed.

First of all make sure it's not medical, physical universe, not just spiritual and are all related that effectively it affected me relationally, mentally and emotionally, spiritually, think everything was a part of my wife. It scared her so she called the leading psychologist was in our life, he set out come to you. Now if I can, but I'll be there the next day I met him in a park in a state park. He brought a cooler water and drinks and sandwiches. These were not leaving here for eight hours. We set a picnic. I will walk through this conservation park, talking, trying to get a definite world was and then I got on the medical care and he looked at my wife and he said, is there anything you ever wanted to do with Johnny and he hasn't been yet. She said I want us to pack it in the car and not know where were going, but not come back for two weeks.

He said it be a great therapy so we left Wednesday where you going with the kids and the church tightly protected me.

My associate I talk to him but no one else only one person the church into my kids when I came back.

Jim and I began to tell the church what I was going through and how was coming out how my days were I wrote a message entitled, there's hope for depression only God could put time together like this but the week I was putting the finishing touches and delivering it Sunday and I was receiving more social media recognition for the sermon before I preached it but I had any message I preach because it was so much depression and is entitled there's hope for depression and us the same week Robin Williams killed himself.

So think what happened when the Internet on depression but there is always the way of escape, so were promised, but sometimes we choose not to take exam is a narrow way of escape, Johnny. We touched on so many aspects in this great book unspoken. What men won't talk about and why you've put it in there.

Whether it's that anger, bitterness, issue the depression issue not having a dad growing up and cover the gauntlet issues of pornography in those addictions that we lean into the Medicaid ourselves emotionally and I so appreciate the time to get to know you and spend time talking to you. I hope the listeners. If you're in that difficult spot. I hope you call us and we have current Christian counselors were prepared to start the journey to do that first. Perhaps the first time you've opened up somebody I want to encourage you to do it. Don't hold back Johnny's given you testimony of the many times he stepped out in that way to confess his vulnerability and have the Lord rewarded and that's really the story that you shared with us last couple of days so if you get down to get the work done and let the Lord begin to really change. This can encourage a listener first Corinthians 1013 says there's no temptation overtaking you that is not common to man. Here's a good translation. If you're struggling with your listening in your struggle or some there's millions of others struggling with the same thing you are exactly right make it known.

Humble yourself and you be able to help thousands amazing well said, thank you so much for being with. Thanks for having me and I do hope that you be sure to get a copy of the book by Johnny Hunt that we been talking about today unspoken what men want talk about and why, and that we have that here at the ministry by the way were listener supported.

We need your generous contributions to continue the work here at Focus on the Family of equipping men of exploring faith issues of helping families of sitting babies make a donation to Focus on the Family today to support the work here and will send a copy of that book by Johnny Hunt unspoken what men want talk about and why and you can make that donation.

The details are in the episode notes or call 800 the letter a in the word family and along the way. Here we talked about knowing God personally through his son Jesus Christ.

If that's something you'd like to learn more about your interest in a relationship with your eternal living God when you're online look for the free booklet we have that you can download or listen to you like it's called coming home really is a great little booklet about the Christian life means to follow Christ, you find that you like over to it in the episode on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team.

Thanks for joining us today on John Fuller inviting you back once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. When a woman discovers her husband struggled with pornography. She needs a practical plan. The latest book from Focus on the Family aftershock but professional counselor Joanne Conti will help you through the seven steps of self-care and to learn how to deal with the emotions involved in the discovery of your husband's addiction. Joanne Conti's timeless wisdom. If you hope, even while you're in your own season of aftershock. Learn more about

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