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June 29, 2021 6:00 am
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See like 2021 premieres on Focus on the Family's website and social media channels on Friday, July 16 at 7 PM. Then each week will debut a new episode equip you on the pro-life issues of our day will hear from respected leaders and see amazing testimonies from women and men whose lives have been impacted. So join us for this life-changing six week experience online. Premiering on Friday, July 16 also mark your calendar now for the culmination of sea life 2021 with the celebrate life live experience in Dallas-Fort Worth on August 28 for more details, visit Focus on the Family.com/C line. I do believe that there is value in writing it down and putting it before God and praying about it and and asking the question. I do believe that so we need to make sure that when we are saying these are my goals.
It can be for your benefit, as well as the kingdom's benefit that if there's anything on there that is not of the Kingdon's benefit and only for yours and that needs to be off the list. That's something you need to deal with… Let's Kathy, live in degree hear more from her on today's episode of Focus on the Family with your host focus president and Dr. Jim Daly and John Fuller, John, I think most people, if not all people have big dreams of some sort. I mean, mind and high school I really want to play college football want to go to the pros and all that. Then bones begin to break separated shoulder, broken clavicle and it just didn't go the direction I thought it would. But that was a dream reminded every summer when I smell that cut grass I think of football and I loved it it was it was important to me. I think for me back. Back in the day was so I want to be a professional photographer.
I wanted to travel the world and do kind National Geographic quality pictures and I realized I don't have that in me, I can see that how I will have it in you is just a matter of expressing it. You do some IPO some on the side still gets great today at work in a talk about hopes and dreams and maybe give you some encouragement if you feel a little bit stuck in attaining some of those unrealized aspirations. This is an area in which we really need to seek God's direction, especially when we have – dreams and we may even get to the point where we stop dreaming and I don't think the Lord wants us to do that. He wants us to continue to think and dream big and the best way to do that is by spending intentional time in his word and seeking his direction for your life and today Kathy Lipp is going to inspire and encourage all of us in this area yet. Kathy is a favorite guest here. These Focus on the Family broadcasts and she's married to Roger they have four adult children. She's a popular speaker and author, and here's how the conversation with Kathy lift again on today's episode of Focus on the Family Kathy before we dive in projects and by dreaming big. I do want to hear little bit of your story because as authors.
So often we write out of our pain and out of the things that we learn what's your story when it comes to dreaming big.
Well, when my kids were little when I was kind of in that mops age of mommy hood. I really discovered that I enjoyed speaking to groups. I never thought that was something I wanted to do.
In fact the first time somebody asked me. I said yes because I'm a people pleaser that I went and threw up what I could think not. Most people don't like speaking in front a group number one fear in the United States with number two being death so it's absolutely true Maisie so when my kids were little, though I started trying this I started to do some speaking and I really enjoyed it and then in the midst of all that a marriage that I had been praying for. Desperate to hold onto and wanting so badly to work ended up failing and it was the most devastating time of my life and I figured it was time to stop dreaming and start to get to the business of life and ended up moving in with my parents getting a full-time job with two kids. I was very fortunate that I had that soft place to land.
And even though I gave up on that dream. God didn't give up on it for me and kept putting people in my life Putting desires and dreams at in me to go and do this going speaks to groups because I honestly thought once I had gone through this divorce that I was no longer useful to God. Kathy, you're saying something skin appears a lot of people's hearts, because unfortunately that's part of our culture and of the no-fault divorce environment that were in and it has swept away a lot of Christian marriages as well. During that time to go back.
How many years ago that was 10 years ago. He that had to feel like such a valley. I can imagine especially if you go into that first marriage with the dreams of lifelong commitment, and all the things you hold close in your heart, then you hit this wall it. It has to feel like a desert, a valley, you're never going to come out of it. How did the Lord still inspire you to get up the next day. Well, there were a few days that I didn't get up, I'll be very honest with you I went through some very deep depression. I went through because this is not what I had ever imagined.
When I got married I got married forever, and when that was no longer the case. I got to a point where I really did feel like I was in the desert place, and fortunately God Surrounding me with people who were praying for me encouraging me and could see God's best in me when I couldn't recognize it at all and so through that experience God just kept lifting me up in building this floor underneath me.
Well, I felt like I was thinking it was the hardest time of my life, but it was also the time I was closest to God. Okay, know that people just wait a second. Yet because we live in such a happiness culture. How can that be how can you be the hardest point in your life and feel that close to God because I had nothing else, I had nothing else and I always been able to puff myself and prop myself up with great friends and great kids and activities, and busyness the church and all these things but when everything was stripped away, and it was just me and got I had to get down to the business of really think do I really believe this stuff I've been talking about. Do I really believe that God cares for me deeply, and once the best life possible for me or did I just believe that because circumstances had gone a different way that God no longer cared for me to say in that time of despair and depression that you're experiencing. I'm sure you didn't feel that you had to work through that. How long a period of time to take you to feel like okay God has me in a good place. I would say it was probably good. 3 1/2 years that a long time.
It's a long time to because I cannot say that I felt God's presence every day.
I felt abandoned God and I had some big old arguments for a while you feel it's a good for people to be open with God that way most highly. I think he's a big guy. He can take all of this he can take all of it and I did not always go with the best attitude but I think the thing that really saved me in all of that is that I showed up. I showed up and said God I don't trust you today. I don't believe in you today but I want to get to the place where I believe in you and trust you. You can help me get to that place where you put those people around me. I'm to read your words and so many times I would go read God's word. I felt like it was written for somebody else completely, or even a different language. It didn't make sense to me. But as I kept going back and struggling through to get to the other side where I could meet God again. He met me there he met me there in a powerful powerful way and I think that it was while it was the hardest time of my life. It also was the thing that I can always look back to and say God met me where I was at. It was me staying away from God for a long time, but when when I was finally there. God met me there that finally there was it a feeling like you were whole. What do you can you remember a day were you actually woke up and felt like wow I'm whole I'm healed.
I think it was gradual. I started to notice that things in my life that I didn't trust God for I would instead of worrying and trying to work hard to put them back together. I would pray and then sometimes worry and work hard to put them back together. But God was an active part of my life and as he was pulling me back together. That's really what it felt like it felt like I'd been cut up and I was being stitched back together and so you like on the quilt. You never imagine that that quilt is a full piece of fabric. I really believe that God made me more of what I need to be through that desert experience and you'll always see the scars I yeah have to be open about this really tragic time in my life, but what I can be even more open about is how God used that time to draw me closer to him and make me eventually become the whole person.
So much of the world. Those that don't know the Lord don't have a relationship with the Lord when they look at us Christians in my sisters. An example she took a long time to come into relation with the Lord because she thought she had to be perfect. She had to clean up her mess before she could be worthy enough. That's not the gospel message is it's not the gospel message, but it's the message most people outside of Christianity, and inside believe that okay I'll start praying again when I get the rest of my life together.
And God doesn't want us to show up like that God wants us to just come with our entire mess and be there with him because the only way were going to find healing. The only way were going to find pieces through him will is this is good to share that background, because when you wrote the book the me project 21 days to living the life you've always wanted. That had to feed into it. I mean, most people it would be a little skeptical of that and would be 21 days where I am on right and the me project.
Let's just be honest, it's kind of a provocative title. I get that but we have the solution that we have control over other people's lives.
And you know as your kids grow up, you realize you have some control, but not a ton of your marriage.
You have some control, but not everything but me and my relationship with God and where he wants me to be. I have a lot of input into that situation and so yes it came from a lot of this brokenness. A lot of this hurt where I said a very short time here on earth. What do I want to do with that time. Where does God want me to spend that time because that's something I do you have a say in and so I didn't want to waste anymore time I didn't want to waste any more days just getting from day to day today. I wanted to constantly be in front of God and say, what do you want from me today. I'm showing up for duty. Where do you want me to go. What do you want me to be.
You talk about journaling a 50-50 journal in the book.
Tell us what you mean by that.
Well, 50, 50 Journal. I decided one day to write down all the things that I'd ever thought about prayed about God nudging me about or chest felt like to try that someday and so I wrote down 48 things that came under that heading, and then because I'm kind of a perfectionist I added to Marcus 50 sounded better than 48 and I figured I probably at that time.
If I am blessed by God have 50 more years on this planet. So if these things are gonna happen they need to happen in that timeframe, so I just wrote this down really is a prayer list and saying to God I want this you to sort through what is for my benefit and what isn't, and I wanted actively come before you and ask you about. So the mild criticism is it's not actually about you it's about your relationship with the Lord it when you first read the title yet another happiness me book is not what you're getting if I wanted to write a happiness me but it would not have been this book because I really believe that God is calling us to give up a lot in order to get what is best for him him know that 50-50 journal ideas you write those things down again. It's not based are rooted in selfishness is not Lord I want to do these things to a degree it's really helping you filter those important things you should do right honest with you I wrote down from the silly to the sacred Gibson apples. Well, I said I wanted to be on TV someday because I had the inner thing inside of me that said, I would like to try that someday and God yell allow that to happen. I wrote down that I went to have a close. Christ centered relationship with my husband Roger. I wrote down without any expectation of it happening that I want have a close Chrysler relationship with my step kids. I wrote all these things down and some of them I was town like yeah that's never going to happen, but I wrote on that. I wanted to write books because I felt like God had put something inside me that could encourage other women in their walks is even doing that you wrote the impossible by not even believing so is a step of faith. It really was and I really wrote those things down say I don't know if this is something you want for me this isn't a magical wish list that I'm writing down thinking as long as I write it down if I think it is going to occur. I never believe that, but I do believe it's okay to bring every request to God and Satan kill because this is something that's been on my heart or something that just seems like it could be fun but God don't give me anything you don't want me to have.
I want to see and it's been amazing to see God work through that list and see the things that happened that if I had not written them down. I don't think I would've recognized that they were directly from God. There really appreciate what you're saying there because I think initially, many of us would kind of bristle writing down 50 goals, now there's a lot of self ambition in selfishness there and you're saying no no no no, we put this under the heading of God owns it all and I'm trying to ask him to help me filter out so I approach these well right that's good. This is Focus on the Family with our host Jim Daly I'm John Fuller. Our guest is Kathy live, author of the me project and I think we've unpacked a whole lot really just yeah you know Kathy and thing. The 50-50 journal and you writing 50 things down that you want to achieve over the next 50 years.
A lot of moms listen I can get through the next five minutes. I mean really, yet my big goal is to sleep through the night yeah Pat how do they absorb this and actually give it a try. Well I think it's really important to really understand what stage of life, your end, I speak to young moms on almost a weekly basis and when I tell them is this is what I call you're laying down tracks time when I mean by that is there's this great little story about a place in the Alps called the simmering. It's between Venice and Vienna and it's an impossibly high and steep part of the mountain. But the people of Venice and Vienna laid down tracks between those two cities before there was a train in existence that could make the journey because they knew someday. That train would come and so I tell women who are in that mothering who are saying I'm just I can't put on clothes today. I'm stuck. I'm in my pajamas and it's 4 o'clock and you want me to have goals, I say this is your laying down tracks time. This is the time where you maybe only have five minutes but you need to spend that five minutes pursuing something. Maybe it's looking up an online class for college and you think I can go to college. I have small children will just know what classes available. It's taking those five those tennis 15 minutes and saying there is something that is outside of all my other relationships that God has impressed on my heart that I need to spend a little time exploring, understanding, and maybe that's not even the direction you're going to go but it's so important to be faithful and taking the steps you figure out God's will for your life, I think, well, well, you know that's the million-dollar question is how okay the president. Focus on the Family is asking me. I really think it comes down to understanding those desires that God has put in your heart.
I think it's really saying that you put this desire in my heart I want to understand how to live that out and I think that God uses circumstances. I think God uses people God uses the reading of his word and prayer to really change the way that our heart feels about those goals and I think it's really important to know what you're not supposed to do to I think is a young mom I saw other young moms doing the things I thought I should be doing that.
Things like scrapbooking yeah all these women had these $7000 scrapbooking material.
I thought if I'm a good mom.
I need to have a scrapbook so I bought the scrapbooking stuff and it was, it has sat under my bed for five years over why do you love her. I know she's in the same boat. It's too crazy to do it right so you have to revoke my good mom card. That's all there is to it. I tell my kids if you want to beautiful scrapbook, you should probably marry somebody who's mom doesn't pay them on the now yourself these things out there that produce so much guilt and guilt is not from God. In these circumstances, God does not want you to feel guilty about not having a scrapbook. There are certain things you have to do for your family that are a joy to do and they are blessing we get to have these kids for little while but there's a lot of things that we are doing because other people are doing them and they create the expectations in our lives were to lay a percentage on the just off the top your head what percentage are we comparing ourselves to others and building that expectation would you say I'm crazy if I said between I think 65 and 75% know I was thinking 75 yeah I really do. I think that we look and it's so easy with social media to get into that play will you look at Facebook and nobody's posting about their kids hand from there posting yet they're reading at 1 1/2 and the honor roll is really and then we got the Pinterest where we see everybody's beautiful, beautiful homes and what we don't realize is that laundry room that picture that they created cost $70,000.
We compared everybody else and we come up lacking in God is not in that Kathy, the comment about God's will for your life and what is it I tended look at it more like a sphere because it when I worked in industry and business. I was trying to do ministry is trying to lead people to the Lord is trying to make relationships count for God even in doing business and I came to the conclusion that I think the Lord's will for our life is to do that each and every day no matter what were doing. I think vocationally he's far more at peace with letting us be happy to something that allows us to have joy but wake up every day wanting to do my good work and I think if we come in with that attitude.
I think that helps us because I think especially in your 20s and 30s. You're saying, Lord, I gotta be doing exactly what you want me to do and we put a lot of stress in that and I'd I just don't think that's the Lord's desire for us. I think there is so much freedom in what you just said that because of those expectations because when you have your best friend who has her life figured out she's known since she was to what she wanted to do and you're still trying to figure it out.
I think there's some beauty in that mess.
I think there's an opportunity to say that here we always pray that God would make our paths clear and I think sometimes the path isn't clear, and that gives us an even more of an opportunity to build that relationship with God when you're not really sure of what the next step is.
And so I think there's a lot of freedom in what you just said that does play against the goal, I do.
I do want to dig into that a little bit because having goals as you said in your book the me project 21 days to living the life you've always wanted.
There is a certain goal orientation that there's personalities that that really like the guy more like that that like a goal orientation. What is it I'm trying to hit. And then there are other personalities that they really run from that because it's creative, their personalities and they don't want to be structured in that way and they feel greater freedom you have to know your personality type in order to dig into this sizing.
Knowing your personality type is just a huge huge benefit.
And that's because when I look at my family we have every personality type in there at you. Do I have a son whose motto is why stand when you can set why sit when you can lay down I see you have any extra effort by he's a gifted writer and if he didn't have some goals for himself. He would been missing out on something that brings him so much joy and so I think even that more amiable person. The person who maybe is not his goal driven, they recognize the need for goals in their lives.
But there can be very different than somebody like you or me, who is very driven, yet it's a different looking thing. It helps to know your personality, but I think we all can use some short-term and some long-term goals in our lives what happens to the goal oriented person or the person that will use goals to achieve the things that they want to do when does it become sin.
When we offend people in pursuit of our goals. I think that we all have to recognize what we are here on earth for you.
The first thing is to love God. The second is to love others and when our goals are getting in the way of that when they're getting in the way of us loving our families on purpose. When we are hurting people around us because of those goals. I think that's when we are entering into that syndrome. How does materialism we live in a very materialistic culture and our goals can often be woven with stuff, you know, my goal is to get a bigger house.
My goal is to have a bigger better car though seem very superficial, but people do in their heart of hearts of their honest things I want to do well and I think her first step is to be honest you Christians would say that doesn't mean anything to me but we know deep in their heart. I think if you write those things down and say God I am struggling with this. I want to pray over this. I think we we really need to approach these goals with an open hand when you're holding onto something you don't have the freedom to say God. Whatever your will is that's what I want to pursue your holding on so tightly to a goal that you will ignore God's will for your life so that you can have that goal. I think that's when we get into a lot of trouble for goal oriented person. When they fall short in meeting that goal. Your 50-50 list. Now, I've only got one of the 50 down another 49 work to do it. It can rob you of your joy with a word we get joy is goal oriented people. I think as we start to clarify and really root out those things that God does not want on our list and I'll be very honest with you, have crossed out a bunch of stuff as I've matured in my faith. I've realized this is not something that is for my benefit is not for the benefit of the kingdom.
We don't need important to you is not important. God is change the shape of my heart to care for other things than those things that were on my list.
I do believe that there is value in writing it down and putting it before God and praying about it and and asking the question. I do believe that so we need to make sure that when we are saying these are my goals. It can be for your benefit, as well as the kingdom's benefit but if there's anything on there that is not of the kingdom's benefit and only for yours and that needs to be off the list that something you need to deal with… I like the beauty of the clarity that it brings. Because writing it down does help you clarify what's important to you even if you have to scratch something off right, absolutely because otherwise you have all these things poking around in your head and there's this quiet dissatisfaction in your life where you're like there are things I wanted to try their things I wanted to do a edgings from God. But if you've never taken the time to write them down there just swimming around you, and there's that quiet dissatisfaction.
You go through life with. I would imagine some people are squirming because they're not goal oriented and they believe in a theology that would suggested I just wake up this morning and the Lord will show me exactly what I need to do today. How about that argument that way.
The sounds so tight.
How does the Holy Spirit work in our lives and all say if I'm making it sound tight that I am saying it wrong. I think there is so much freedom in this and think you have to stick with 50 I think you could have more I think you could have 400. It just depends on the kind of person you are. When we are not saying that we have goals I think were lying to ourselves.
We have goals that are unspoken and unwritten. But when we start to say I just was show up every single day and do God's will will that's a goal and so what do I need to do to become more of that and my goals are things like I want to help develop the habit of prayer that has sometimes not been a part of my life. I'll be honest with you when especially when I've gone through some tough stuff. At first I that prayer is my last resort and I want prayer to always be my first resort and I've noticed since I wrote that down I have and I write down under that goal, where I've had victories and where I've had failures and I seen my progress in my relationship with Christ is not a checkmark it's a relationship and so that's where the beauty comes from Kathy lip, author of the book the me project 21 days to living the life you've always wanted. This is good stuff I've got is much deeper than I anticipated sunlight. Thank you for bringing it's been my pleasure.
I really appreciated Kathy's emphasis on the spiritual aspects of life, particularly as we try to achieve those dreams that we may put aside were given up on.
I hope you've been encouraged to make some goals and get back on track to dreaming big with God, and if you'd like to follow up with you of some great resources for you including of course Kathy's book the me project would love to send a copy of that book to you. When you make a donation of any amount to the Ministry of focus on the listener supported in your donations really make a difference in the outreach that Focus on the Family has so please donate today and ask for your copy all the details are in the office or you can call us. That number is 800 K and the word family 800-232-6459 on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us today for this Focus on the Family broadcast on John Fuller inviting you back.
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