Taking Steps to Live Out Your Dreams

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Also mark your calendar now for the culmination of See Life 2021 with a Celebrate Life live experience in Dallas Fort Worth on August 28th. For more details, visit focusonthefamily.com slash see life. I do believe that there is value in writing it down and putting it before God and praying about it and asking the question. I do believe that. So we need to make sure that when we are saying these are my goals, it can be for your benefit as well as the kingdom's benefit. But if there's anything on there that is not of the kingdom's benefit and only for yours, then that needs to be off the list. That's something you need to deal with God on.

Well, that's Kathy Lipp, and you're going to hear more from her on today's episode of Focus on the Family with your host Focus President and author Jim Daly. And I'm John Fuller. John, I think most people, if not all people, have big dreams of some sort. I mean, mine in high school, I really wanted to play college football. I want to go to the pros and all that.

Then bones begin to break, separated shoulder, broken clavicle. And it just didn't go the direction I thought it would. But that was a dream of mine that every summer when I smell that cut grass, I think of football.

Yeah. And I loved it. It was it was important to me. I think for me back back in the day, it was I wanted to be a professional photographer.

I wanted to, you know, travel the world and do kind of National Geographic quality pictures. And I realized I don't have that in me. I can see that, though. I mean, you have it in you. It's just a matter of expressing it. You do some I do some on the side still.

Yeah, that's great. Today, we're going to talk about hopes and dreams and maybe give you some encouragement if you feel a little bit stuck in attaining some of those unrealized aspirations. This is an area in which we really need to seek God's direction, especially when we have dashed dreams. And we may even get to the point where we stop dreaming. I don't think the Lord wants us to do that. He wants us to continue to think and dream big.

The best way to do that is by spending intentional time in his word and seeking his direction for your life. And today, Kathy Lipp is going to inspire and encourage all of us in this area. Yeah, Kathy is a favorite guest here on these focus on the family broadcasts. And she's married to Roger.

They have four adult children. And she's a popular speaker and author. And here's how the conversation with Kathy Lipp began on today's episode of Focus on the Family. Kathy, before we dive into some of your projects and what you mean by dreaming big, I do want to hear a little bit of your story, because as authors, so often we write out of our pain and out of the things that we learn. What's your story when it comes to dreaming big? Well, when my kids were little, when I was kind of in that mops age of mommyhood, I really discovered that I enjoyed speaking to groups. I never thought that was something I wanted to do. In fact, the first time somebody asked me, I said yes, because I'm a people pleaser, then I went and threw up. Well, I would think not most people don't like speaking in front of groups. It's the number one fear in the United States with number two being death. So that gives us some perspective. It's absolutely true. Amazing.

Yeah. So when my kids were little, though, I started trying this, I started to do some speaking, and I really enjoyed it. And then in the midst of all that, a marriage that I had been praying for, desperate to hold on to and wanting so badly to work ended up failing. And it was the most devastating time of my life. And I figured it was time to stop dreaming and start to get to the business of life.

And ended up moving in with my parents getting a full time job to kids with two kids, I was very fortunate that I had that soft place to land. And even though I gave up on that dream, God didn't give up on it for me and kept putting people in my life kept putting desires and dreams in me to go and do this, go and speak to groups, because I honestly thought once I had gone through this divorce that I was no longer useful to God, Kathy, you're saying something that's going to pierce a lot of people's hearts, because unfortunately, that's part of our culture. You know, the no fault divorce environment that we're in.

And it has swept away a lot of Christian marriages as well. During that time to go back how many years ago, that was 10 years ago, that had to feel like such a valley. I can't imagine, especially if you go into that first marriage, with the dreams of lifelong commitment and all the things that you hold close in your heart, then you hit this wall, it has to feel like a desert, a valley, you're never going to come out of it. How did the Lord still inspire you to get up the next day? Well, there were a few days that I didn't get up, I'll be very honest with you, I went through some very deep depression. I went through because this is not what I had ever imagined.

When I got married, I got married forever. And when that was no longer the case, I got to a point where I really did feel like I was in a desert place. And fortunately, God kept surrounding me with people who were praying for me, encouraging me, and could see God's best in me when I couldn't recognize it at all. And so through that experience, God just kept lifting me up and building this floor underneath me while I felt like I was sinking. It was the hardest time of my life, but it was also the time I was closest to God.

Okay, now people are gonna say, wait a second, because we live in such a happiness culture. Oh, how can that be? How can you be at the hardest point in your life and feel that close to God? Because I had nothing else.

I had nothing else. And I had always been able to puff myself and prop myself up with great friends and great kids and activities and busyness at church and all these things. But when everything was stripped away, and it was just me and God, I had to get down to the business of really saying, Do I really believe this stuff I've been talking about? Do I really believe that God cares for me deeply, and wants the best life possible for me? Or did I just believe that because circumstances had gone a different way, that God no longer cared for me? I was just gonna say in that time of despair and depression that you're experiencing, I'm sure you didn't feel that you had to work through that. How long a period of time did it take you to feel like, okay, God has me in a good place, I would say it was probably a good three and a half years.

That's a long time. It's a long time to, because I cannot say that I felt God's presence every day. God and I had some big old arguments for a while.

Do you feel it's good for people to be open with God that way emotionally? I think he's a big God. He can take all of this.

He can take all of it. And I did not always go with the best attitude. But I think the thing that really saved me in all of that is that I showed up.

I showed up and said, God, I don't trust you today. I don't believe in you today. But I want to get to the place where I believe in you and trust you. Will you help me get to that place?

Will you put those people around me? I'm going to read your words. And so many times I would go read God's Word. And I felt like it was written for somebody else completely, or even in a different language.

It didn't make sense to me. But as I kept going back and struggling through to get to the other side where I could meet God again, he met me there. He met me there in a powerful, powerful way. And I think that it was, while it was the hardest time of my life, it also was the thing that I can always look back to and say, God met me where I was at. It was me staying away from God for a long time.

But when I was finally there, God met me there. That finally there, was it a feeling like you were whole? What can you remember a day where you actually woke up and felt like, wow, I'm whole, I'm healed?

I think it was gradual. I started to notice that things in my life that I didn't trust God for, instead of worrying and trying to work hard to put them back together, I would pray and then sometimes worry and work hard to put them back together. But God was an active part of my life. And as he was pulling me back together, that's really what it felt like. It felt like I had been cut up and I was being stitched back together. And so like on a quilt, you never imagine that that quilt is a full piece of fabric. But I really believe that God made me more of what I needed to be through that desert experience.

And you'll always see the scars. I have to be open about this really tragic time in my life. But what I can be even more open about is how God used that time to draw me closer to him and make me eventually become that whole person. You know, so much of the world, those that don't know the Lord don't have a relationship with the Lord when they look at us Christians.

My sister's an example. She took a long time to come into a relationship with the Lord because she thought she had to be perfect. She had to clean up her mess before she could be worthy enough. That's not the gospel message, is it? It's not the gospel message, but it's the message most people outside of Christianity and inside believe that, okay, I'll start praying again when I get the rest of my life together. And God doesn't want us to show up like that.

God wants us to just come with our entire mess and be there with him because the only way we're going to find healing, the only way we're going to find peace is through him. Well, this is good to share that background because when you wrote the book, The Me Project, 21 days to living the life you've always wanted, that had to feed into it. I mean, most people would be a little skeptical of that.

What do you mean 21 days? Right. Come on. Right.

And The Me Project, let's just be honest, it's kind of a provocative title. I get that. But we have this illusion that we have control over other people's lives. And, you know, as your kids grow up, you realize you have some control, but not a ton of your marriage, you have some control, but not everything. But me and my relationship with God and where he wants me to be, I have a lot of input into that situation.

And so yes, it came from a lot of this brokenness. A lot of this hurt where I said, I've got a very short time here on earth. What do I want to do with that time? Where does God want me to spend that time?

Because that's something I do have a say in. And so I didn't want to waste any more time. I didn't want to waste any more days just getting from day to day to day. I wanted to constantly be in front of God and say, what do you want from me today? I'm showing up for duty. Where do you want me to go?

What do you want me to be? You talk about journaling a 50-50 journal in the book. Tell us what you mean by that. Well, a 50-50 journal, I decided one day to write down all the things that I'd ever thought about, prayed about, felt God nudging me about, or just felt like, Hey, I want to try that someday. And so I wrote down 48 things that came under that heading. And then because I'm kind of a perfectionist, I added two more because 50 sounded better than 48. And I figured I probably at that time, if I am blessed by God, have 50 more years on this planet.

So if these things are going to happen, they need to happen in that timeframe. So I just wrote this down really as a prayer list and saying to God, I want you to sort through what is for my benefit and what isn't. And I want to actively come before you and ask you about these things. So the mild criticism is it's not actually about you. It's about your relationship with the Lord. And when you first read the title, you go, Oh, another Happiness Me book.

That's not what you're getting at though. If I wanted to write a Happiness Me book, it would not have been this book because I really believe that God is calling us to give up a lot in order to get what is best from Him. Now that 50-50 journal ideas, you write those things down. Again, it's not based or rooted in selfishness. It's not, Lord, I want to do these things to a degree. It's really helping you filter those important things you should do.

Right. And I'll be honest with you. I wrote down from the silly to the sacred.

Give us examples. Well, I said I wanted to be on TV someday because I had this little inner thing inside of me that said I would like to try that someday. And God allowed that to happen. I wrote down that I wanted to have a close Christ-centered relationship with my husband, Roger. I wrote down without any expectation of it happening that I wanted to have a close Christ-centered relationship with my step kids. I wrote all these things down and some of them I wrote down like, yeah, that's never going to happen. But I wrote down that I wanted to write books because I felt like God had put something inside of me that could encourage other women in their walks as well. So even doing that, you wrote the impossible, not even believing. So it's a step of faith.

It really was. And I really wrote those things down saying, God, I don't know if this is something you want for me. This isn't a magical wish list that I'm writing down, thinking as long as I write it down, if I think it is going to occur, I never believe that. But I do believe it's okay to bring every request to God and say, you know, God, this is something that's been on my heart or something that just seems like it could be fun, but God, don't give me anything you don't want me to have. I want to see. And it's been amazing to see God work through that list and see the things that have happened that if I had not written them down, I don't think I would have recognized that they were directly from God.

Kathy, I really appreciate what you're saying there, because I think initially many of us would kind of bristle writing down 50 goals. Come on now. There's a lot of self-ambition and selfishness there. And you're saying, no, no, no, no. We put this under the heading of God owns it all.

And I'm trying to ask him to help me filter out. So I approach these well. Right. That's good. This is Focus on the Family with our host, Jim Daly.

I'm John Fuller. Our guest is Kathy Lipp, author of The Me Project. And I think we've unpacked a whole lot along the way here.

You know, Kathy, I'm thinking the 50-50 Journal and, you know, writing 50 things down that you want to achieve over the next 50 years. A lot of moms are just saying, I can't get through the next five minutes. I mean, really? Yeah, my big goal is to sleep through the night. Yeah. Yeah.

How do they absorb this and actually give it a try? Well, I think it's really important to really understand what stage of life you're in. I speak to young moms on almost a weekly basis. And what I tell them is, this is what I call your laying down tracks time. And what I mean by that is there's this great little story about a place in the Alps called the Simmering. It's between Venice and Vienna.

And it's an impossibly high and steep part of the mountain. But the people of Venice and Vienna laid down tracks between those two cities before there was a train in existence that could make the journey, because they knew someday that train would come. And so I tell women who are in that mothering who are saying, I can't put on clothes today. I'm in my pajamas and it's four o'clock and you want me to have goals? I say, this is your laying down tracks time. This is the time where maybe you only have five minutes, but you need to spend that five minutes pursuing something. Maybe it's looking up an online class for college and you're saying, I can't go to college.

I have small children. Well, just know what class is available. It's taking those five, those 10, those 15 minutes and saying, there is something that is outside of all my other relationships that God has impressed on my heart, that I need to spend a little time exploring understanding. And maybe that's not even the direction you're going to go, but it's so important to be faithful in taking those steps.

How do you figure out God's will for your life? Ah, I think, well, well, you know, that's the million dollar question. In two minutes or less. Yeah, exactly. I thought I just popped that out there. Wow.

Okay. The president of Focus on the Family is asking me. I really think it comes down to understanding those desires that God has put in your heart. I think it's really saying, God, you know, you've put this desire in my heart. I want to understand how to live that out. And I think that God uses circumstances. I think God uses people.

God uses the reading of his word and prayer to really change the way that our heart feels about those goals. And I think it's really important to know what you're not supposed to do too. I think as a young mom, I saw other young moms doing things.

I thought I should be doing that. Things like scrapbooking, you know, all these women had these $7,000 of scrapbooking material. And I thought, if I'm a good mom, I need to have a scrapbook. So I bought the scrapbooking stuff and it has sat under my bed for five years.

My wife, Jean, would be laughing right now. She's in the same boat. It's too crazy to do it right now. Exactly. And so you have to revoke my good mom card.

That's all there is to it. I tell my kids, if you want a beautiful scrapbook, you should probably marry somebody whose mom does that kind of thing. Or pay a mom that can do it. Exactly. Or start now. Exactly.

You can do it yourself. You know, there are all these things out there that produce so much guilt and guilt is not from God in these circumstances. God does not want you to feel guilty about not having a scrapbook. There are certain things you have to do for your family that are a joy to do.

And they are a blessing. We get to have these kids for a little while, but there's a lot of things that we are doing because other people are doing them and they create the expectations in our lives were to lay a percentage on that just off the top of your head. What percentage are we comparing ourselves to others and building that expectation? Would you say I'm crazy if I said between I think 65 and 75%?

No, I was thinking 75. Yeah, I really do. I think that we look and it's so easy with social media to get into that place. You look at Facebook and nobody's posting about their kids tantrum. They're posting, yeah, they're reading at one and a half and the honor roll is exactly and then we get on the Pinterest where we see everybody's beautiful, beautiful homes.

And what we don't realize is that laundry room that picture that they created cost $70,000. We compared to everybody else, and we come up lacking and God is not in that. Kathy, the comment about God's will for your life and what is it I tend to look at it more like a sphere because when I worked in industry and business, I was trying to do ministry. You know, I was trying to lead people to the Lord. I was trying to make relationships count for God, even in doing business. And I came to the conclusion that I think the Lord's will for our life is to do that each and every day, no matter what we're doing.

I think vocationally, he's far more at peace with letting us be happy, choose something that allows us to have joy, but wake up every day wanting to do my good work. And I think if we come in with that attitude, I think that helps us. Cause I think especially in your twenties and thirties, you're saying, Lord, I've got to be doing exactly what you want me to do.

And we put a lot of stress in that. And I, I just don't think that's the Lord's desire for us. I think there is so much freedom in what you just said there because of those expectations, because when you have your best friend who has her life figured out, she's known since she was two, what she wanted to do, and you're still trying to figure it out. I think there's some beauty in that mess. I think there's an opportunity to say that, you know, we always pray that God would make our paths clear. And I think sometimes the path isn't clear.

And that gives us an even more of an opportunity to build that relationship with God when you're not really sure of what the next step is. And so I think there's a lot of freedom in what you just said that does play against the goal idea. And I do want to dig into that a little bit because having goals, as you've said in your book, the me project 21 days to living the life you've always wanted, there is a certain goal orientation of that. There's personalities that, that really like the I'm more like that, that like a goal orientation, what is it I'm trying to hit? And then there are other personalities that they really run from that because it's creative, their personalities, and they don't want to be structured in that way.

And they feel greater freedom. Do you have to know your personality type in order to dig into this? I think knowing your personality type is just a huge, huge benefit in this. Because when I look at my family, we have every personality type in there. You know, I have a son whose motto is why stand when you can sit?

Why sit when you can lay down? He, you know, any extra effort, but he's a gifted writer. And if he didn't have some goals for himself, he would be missing out on something that brings him so much joy. And so I think even that more amiable person, the person who maybe is not as goal driven, they recognize the need for goals in their lives. But they're going to be very different than somebody like you or me who's very driven, you know, it's a different looking thing.

It helps to know your personality, but it helps to know your personality. But I think we all can use some short term and some long term goals in our lives. What happens to the goal oriented person or the person that will use goals to achieve the things that they want to do? When does it become sin? When we offend people in pursuit of our goals? I think that we all have to recognize what we are here on earth for, you know, the first thing is to love God, the second is to love others. And when our goals are getting in the way of that when they're getting in the way of us loving our families on purpose, when we are hurting people around us because of those goals, I think that's when we're entering into that sin realm.

How does materialism we live in a very materialistic culture, and our goals can often be woven with stuff, you know, my goal is to get a bigger house, my goal is to have a bigger, better car. Those seem very superficial, but people do in their heart of hearts that they're honest. Those are things they want to do. Well, and I think our first step is to be honest. You know, a lot of Christians would say that doesn't mean anything to me, but we know deep in their hearts. And I think if you write those things down, and say, God, you know, I am struggling with this, I want to pray over this.

I think we really need to approach these goals with an open hand. When you're holding on to something, you don't have the freedom to say, God, whatever your will is, that's what I want to pursue. When you're holding on so tightly to a goal, that you'll ignore God's will for your life so that you can have that goal. I think that's when we get into a lot of trouble for a goal oriented person, when they fall short in meeting that goal, you're 5050 list, you know, I've only got one of the 50 done and I'm 49.

I got a lot of work to do. Yeah, it can rob you of your joy, I would think where do we get joy as goal oriented people? I think as we start to clarify and really root out those things that God does not want on our list, and I'll be very honest with you, I've crossed out a bunch of stuff as I've matured in my faith, I've realized, this is not something that is for my benefit. It's not for the benefit of the kingdom. We don't need so it's not important to you.

It's not important. God has changed the shape of my heart to care for other things than those things that were on my list. But I do believe that there is value in writing it down and putting it before God and praying about it and and asking the question I do believe that so we need to make sure that when we are saying these are my goals, it can be for your benefit as well as the kingdom's benefit. But if there's anything on there that is not of the kingdom's benefit and only for yours, then that needs to be off the list. That's something you need to deal with God on. I like the beauty of the clarity that it brings because writing it down does help you clarify what's important to even if you have to scratch something off, right?

Absolutely. Because otherwise you have all these things poking around in your head. And there's this quiet dissatisfaction in your life, where you're like, there are things that I've wanted to try. There are things I've wanted to do. I there's nudgings from God. But if you've never taken the time to write them down, they're just swimming around you. And there's that quiet dissatisfaction you go through life with, I would imagine some people are squirming because they're not goal oriented. And they believe in a theology that that would suggest that I just wake up this morning, and the Lord will show me exactly what I need to do today.

How about that argument that boy, this sounds so tight that how does the Holy Spirit work in our lives? And I'll say if I'm making it sound tight, that I am saying it wrong. I think there is so much freedom in this. And I don't think you have to stick with 50.

I think you could have four, I think you could have 400. It just depends on the kind of person you are. But when we are not saying that we have goals, I think we're lying to ourselves. We have goals that are unspoken and unwritten. But when we start to say, I just want to show up every single day and do God's will. Well, that's a goal.

That's a goal. And so what do I need to do to become more of that? And a lot of my goals are things like I want to develop that habit of prayer that has sometimes not been a part of my life. I'll be honest with you, especially when I've gone through some tough stuff. At first, prayer is my last resort. And I want prayer to always be my first resort. And I've noticed since I wrote that down, I write down under that goal where I've had victories and where I've had failures. And I've seen my progress in my relationship with Christ.

It's not a check mark. It's a relationship. And so that's where the beauty comes from. Kathy Lipp, author of the book, The Me Project, 21 Days to Living the Life You've Always Wanted. This is good stuff. I've got to admit, it's much deeper than I anticipated. Thank you for bringing it. It's been my pleasure. I really appreciated Kathy's emphasis on the spiritual aspects of life, particularly as we try to achieve those dreams that we may have put aside or given up on. And I hope you've been encouraged to make some goals and get back on track to dreaming big with God.

And if you'd like to follow up, we do have some great resources for you, including, of course, Kathy's book, The Me Project. We'd love to send a copy of that book to you when you make a donation of any amount to the ministry of Focus on the Family. We're listener supported, and your donations really make a difference in the outreach that Focus on the Family has. So please, donate today and ask for your copy.

All the details are in the episode notes. Or you can call us, and that number is 800, the letter A, and the word family, 800-232-6459. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for this Focus on the Family broadcast. I'm John Fuller, inviting you back as we want some more help you and your family thrive in Christ. Help families thrive for generations to come. Find out more at focuslegacycommunity.com. That's focuslegacycommunity.com.