An Abortion Survivor's Story of Forgiveness

Get involved in promoting the sanctity of human life with Focus on the Family's See Life 2021. It's a six-episode digital experience to help you embrace the pro-life cause with truth, compassion, and empathy. See Life 2021 premieres on Focus on the Family's websites and social media channels on Friday, July 16th at 7 p.m. Then each week we'll debut a new episode to equip you on the pro-life issues of our day. You'll hear from respected leaders and see amazing testimonies from women and men whose lives have been impacted. So join us for this life-changing six-week experience online premiering on Friday, July 16th.

Also mark your calendar now for the culmination of See Life 2021 with a Celebrate Life live experience in Dallas-Fort Worth on August 28th. For more details, visit focusonthefamily.com slash see life. That was the moment when she read the words on the card that said thank you for choosing life for me.

I was met with the most shocking news of my life, the most painful tears I've ever seen in anyone's eyes before. Claire Culwell is the survivor of an abortion and her birth mom was only 13 years old. Today on Focus on the Family you'll hear a difficult yet very heartwarming story of how those two women reunited years later and God's redeeming work in their lives.

Your host is Focus on the Family president and author Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller. John, people can make moral or political arguments about abortion all day long but nothing has more impact in this debate than the woman making a life or death decision for their child or the words of the child who survived that abortion and we're going to speak to both of those perspectives today. We're going to talk with a woman who faced pregnancy as a 13 year old girl and her daughter who survived that abortion attempt and I hope you'll stay with us for a compelling conversation to find out what God has done in their lives. And Claire Culwell is the author of a new book, Survivor, an abortion survivor's surprising story of choosing forgiveness and finding redemption.

We do have copies of that here. Click the episode notes for all the details or give us a call 800 the letter A in the word family and Claire has spoken boldly on Capitol Hill and state legislatures in other places as well for the pro-life cause. She's married and has four kids and she and her birth mom Tanya have been developing their relationship for the past several years and Tanya herself is becoming pretty involved in speaking out for life. Well Claire and Tanya welcome to Focus on the Family.

Thank you so much. It's good to have you and Barbara your adoptive mom is is in the audience so I want to make sure she gets a shout out too so it's wonderful to have all three of you here at Focus on the Family. Claire I so identify with difficulty in life and you know you may have gotten off to a rough start maybe even unknowingly had loving adoptive parents but in that regard your identity was developing as a young person how did you learn that you were adopted? I actually don't remember finding out that I was adopted this was something that my sister and I were were both adopted and this was something we knew for as long as we can remember it was something that was incredibly positive growing up for us. We remember our parents telling us all along that we were wanted chosen and loved and those were you know strongholds in my life that I clung to no matter what came in my life and so I remember actually people asking in school like gosh what was it like at the orphanage or sorry that you're adopted I mean that must have been so awful so hard and we were so confused by that because adoption was such a positive thing in our life and in our family. What we found is that most people had seen the movie Annie and so they thought there was like a Miss Hannigan in my life or something that made it at this difficult circumstance but really the words that our parents spoke over us and the way that they interacted with us and loved us helped us know that we were just as wanted chosen and loved as any child that was born into their family naturally. Well that is so spectacular that they were able to give that to you so you had a very secure identity. I did. And it's awesome and I could see that Claire you alluded to this but your medical condition when you were born you had some issues that the doctors and your adoptive parents obviously needed to deal with what happened. So I was born 10 weeks prematurely because when they performed the abortion that successfully aborted my twin they ripped the amniotic sac that I was in and so Tanya had been leaking amniotic fluid and actually had a dry birth when she delivered me and so come to find out years later as doctors have examined my records the club feet that I was born with and the dislocated hip that I was born with are common complications with twins and with premature babies and so we don't know you know if the abortion procedure caused these complications or that caused a premature birth or if I would have been born with that and my twin would have been born with that we don't know but my parents obviously when they got the call to adopt me it wasn't the call they expected that a three-pound baby girl with complications was born they didn't know you know what kind of care I would need I actually went through body casts as a child to correct these medical complications and I still have some some things today some physical chronic pain and different issues with my hips and with my feet that I still struggle with and it's my my everyday reminder of what we experienced Tanya and I because of abortion Tanya let's start with where you were at years ago you're a 13 year old girl found out you're pregnant yes I can only imagine all the emotions that were going through your mind this is in the late 80s take us back to that help the listener feel what that was like to be a 13 year old and pregnant and very frightening scary but also excited at the same time and I'd sometimes wonder how can you be so excited at that young of an age but it is a life so but just very scared and confused on where you know my path would go how would I tell my parent and and let's describe that because it's pretty important your your mom was not my mom was obviously my mom was not a compassionate mother whatsoever and so therefore I seeked compassion outside and at the home and that was always with boys right and so I confided in my best friend Romy and told her we knew for a little bit you know I could just tell okay you know something ain't right so then it you know it came down to where I had to tell my mom most frightening day of my entire life besides telling Claire that she was supposed to be aborted that wasn't and when I told my mom you know I was scared and she immediately there was no kind of you know let's talk about this let's find the best things to do about it it was immediately we got to get rid of it we can't you know you cannot do this you cannot drag our family name there's a lot of shaming a lot of shaming and you know we never could speak about it right that led you down a path that was you know unfortunate I'm sure maybe you could say as positive as might be said is that your mom was trying to help you but didn't wasn't equipped to know how to do that so she points you toward an abortion it's an easy fix right and you know this is what we have to do and at 13 I mean that's young yeah so you know I can't imagine all that was going on there your dad in this picture was he not in the picture any longer my dad has always been in the picture my dad was severe alcoholic and I've only known my dad to be sober for 11 years yeah and that's another 11 wonderful years and so we always went there but we never told dad of things because the consequences so you go for the exam what happened what did the doctor tell you and so I went in this little shotgun house backwoods abortion clinic really they never talked to you they have no compassion for you it is you know here's your gown get undressed lay up here we're going to examine you and yes you're pregnant get dressed go out and make an appointment for your abortion it's that straightforward but they miss something and this is pretty critical and Claire we're gonna bring you in here pretty quick but what did they say and what did they do well and I had my abortion procedure done and I went home and went on with life you know just you had I had to go home and pretend like that never happened right and to make your mom happy yeah you know you go home and you've spent this whole day in an abortion clinic you're in agatizing pain mentally and physically and you can't speak of it yeah but there was something happening yes so go back to school everything's normal and I continue my body still changing so I'm like okay something's wrong Romy you know I think I'm still pregnant but I wasn't sexually active I hadn't been sexually active since I had gotten pregnant so I had to tell my mom again you know I haven't been sexually active which she never believed and so back to the abortion clinic we go and we go to the same one and they're like she's too far along we won't do it but you can go to Kansas and Kansas does the long term yeah so I get there and I'm too far along even for them yeah because at that time it was cut off at 20 weeks I believe in tiny for listeners who are tracking along here you actually had been originally pregnant with twins yes I was pregnant with twins and so the abortion was effective yes the abortion was effective but I was still pregnant so when I went back to Kansas and not only was I too far along but they said you know this baby there's no way that I had gotten pregnant from the first abortion and be this far along so it had to be twins in that context how did you decide then to give Claire up for adoption was that the only option did you think of any other things that could be done could you keep her what I would love to have kept her but that wasn't an option your mom was dead so that was not even spoke about yeah how did that transpire emotionally then for you you had to give birth to Claire the unexpected one you thought that your baby had been aborted and now you have the twin the confusion this is really happening can this really happen you know and I remember with the first abortion I was so heartbroken but I was so relieved at the same time and I know that's strange that you're 13 you're pregnant yeah you just think that you know first you're celebrating you're pregnant and then you're celebrating that you're not pregnant because you don't want to be pregnant but then to find out that you still are pregnant he aborted one of your babies and I just really can't tell you the exact emotions yeah very heartbreaking right an emotional rollercoaster yeah and you could see that I mean tears all these years later which is the right thing I mean your heart is broken over that and it's okay because that that's the wonder you know what's bothered me so much lately is just the wonder you know what do they look like you know boy or girl what's its personality is it like Claire yeah and you don't think about that when you're aborting your baby no not at all and you have such a unique perspective as the birth mom here you had to make that decision it was forced upon you you really didn't make a decision but in that context to carry the emotions of a baby that you lost to abortion and then Claire who is saved really by God's grace I mean you think about that yeah they could have aborted both babies and that gives you a unique perspective and you know what Claire has grown in to be a wonderful woman yes fighting for the cause of life for children of her own I know and that's the message of the powerful message of a mom yeah this is what makes it so unique I can't wait for the reunion yeah well our guests today on focus on the family are Claire Colwell and Tanya Glaspie and wow what a story and it's captured in Claire's book survivor and abortion survivors surprising story of choosing forgiveness and finding redemption click the link in the episode notes or call us for your copy 800 the letter a in the word family Claire here you are you showed up awesome it's pretty crazy my shocking moment of my life was sitting face-to-face with Tanya and she told me that I had survived an abortion that I had been a twin you know these weren't things that I grew up knowing what year was that I found out in 2009 when I was 21 years old right so you had been on this journey to connect with your birth mom you had a wonderful adoptive family of course Barbara's here and I mentioned her in the beginning but that question popped up you had a sister who was also adopted in the family correct yes my sister Rachel is adopted and so she met her birth mother and then I started to think about Tanya like was she waiting for 21 years for me to to thank her in the same way that my sister was able to thank her birth mother I mean had she been thinking about me all this time I had had questions and so I wanted to reach out to her to get to know her hopefully but at least to thank her for my life and for my family because I knew that she completed our family in the same way that Rachel's birth mother had let's describe how the two of you connected to make sure that the listeners know that was 2009 what transpired your adopted sister had that experience of finding her birth mother that planted the seed in you as you described then how did it unfold I went home that night and actually opened up the conversation with my parents and with my sister about searching for my birth mother and so the next day I got on the phone and I called a deaconess in Oklahoma which is the adoption agency that I was adopted through where Tanya lived when she was pregnant with me and I called them and a woman named Debbie actually answered my phone call and I told her who I was and she said oh my goodness I know exactly who you are I've actually had your picture on my desk for the past 21 years and you're tiny you have your little casts on your feet and this harness on your hips and I remember being confused by that phone call like why in the world would someone keep my baby picture on their desk for 21 years but this was just a little glimpse of what was about to transpire as I met my birth mother and so Debbie found Tanya and asked her if my birthday meant anything to her and Tanya said yes and as she agreed to meet me and so we met in Dallas and we had this incredible reunion when I opened the door just thinking about it yeah I mean we both felt like we opened the door and we were like looking at ourselves like we look so much alike and we I mean we even act a lot alike we have I was studying to be a nurse at the time and Tanya was a nurse and so there were so many similarities I think I brought a stack of pictures like this big to show her from my life and a lot and cried a lot and laughed a lot and looked at pictures what did that feel like for you Tanya in terms of the completion of that circle because just the whole experience was I mean wonderful we met at some of Barbara's friends and they just all took me and my husband and my kids in you know with open arms I never once I went in that door I never felt uncomfortable yeah I felt loved and accepted and it was just great you know I'm like my girl yeah I'm seeing my girl again yeah I mean what a wonderful end of the sentence of that part of your life right the story and you get a chance to meet Claire because of that 2009 meeting Claire I believe you gave Tanya a card which is pretty integral to the story had what transpired with that our first meeting went so well that we wanted to continue our relationship and so I got her a gift I wanted to remind her that she was an incredible mother for me because she had placed me for adoption and given me my family I knew that oftentimes women that do place their babies they struggle with that feeling like they weren't a good mother and I wanted to you know tear down those lies that maybe she believed about herself and so I got her a ring and a necklace with my birthstone on it and then a card and in the card I wrote thank you for choosing life for me and so when I got to Oklahoma my first trip to visit Tanya and her family I gave her these gifts and that was the moment when she read the words on the card that said thank you for choosing life for me I thought it would be this incredible moment where I would tell her everything she longed to hear for 21 years I thought it would be like this redemptive breakthrough moment and I was met with the most shocking news of my life the most painful tears I've ever seen in anyone's eyes before and it changed my life forever as she told me about being pregnant with me at 13 years old and that I had survived her abortion procedure that was meant to end my life and that I had been a twin but I was I was taken back by her tears by her grief by her grief it is I mean you saw a little bit today but it was it's indescribable to me to tell you what what I saw in her eyes that day as she described it Tanya let me grab that because you read the card and it obviously went right into your heart well it's in my heart anyway right you know I wanted to tell her in Texas at your first meeting yeah so I thought about it and thought about it and thought about it and I just couldn't do it and I regretted it when I went home because that should have been the first thing that she knew it probably should have been the first thing that Barbara knew that I remember telling her and I was immediately relieved you know at that horrible horrible thing that had happened in my life and she's the only person that didn't know about it my husband knew about it my children have known about it since a young age I've never kept it from them kind of like her knowing she was adopted from a young age my kids have always known that I had an abortion and it killed one of my babies and they had a sister somewhere but I was just so relieved but I was so scared that she would not accept me I was like scared that she would think that I aborted her brother or sister and I tried to abort her when it didn't work I tried again and when that didn't work I gave her away but that's not how it happened you know she forgave me right away she's loved me since that day that day and I'm so thankful no that's true and that's you know what a beautiful place we have to end but people can read the whole story by getting a copier book but I think the key here and what I'm sensing is just when things are given over to God he does wrap it in a beautiful bow oh you can't even imagine yeah just listen to your story you know it is the gift that he's given your family all of you including Barbara and her husband that your adoptive parents it's a beautiful story and I think the key which some women have told me when a woman is pregnant and they go to consider an abortion it's hard for them to think about giving away their baby to adoption and that's one of the key things I wanted to stress today for women to definitely consider that life is so much better the choice for life is a much better choice with fewer regrets and you have the hope of re you know reuniting right abortion you never reunite and well hopefully we will in heaven in heaven and I think that's the key those who care about a pro-life perspective those who care about your story those that have their own story when we engage women who are considering abortion let's lift up this idea of adoption because you are the poster child for that and the Lord has really blessed you with a great sensibility that I'm fine I'm good with this you're good with your birth mom Tanya and you're good with your adoptive mom Barbara and it's all working and this is the way it should be for those difficult situations that women are in God is bigger than our circumstances and his plan is always bigger and better than our own and that's what I found that even in my valleys and my moment where I felt like I was in the trenches and questioning the the things that were transpiring in my life that he had gone before me and he knew and he had a plan and he was going to make a way and make something good out of something that was evil and hurt us hurt us so bad so Claire to end it this would be it but that woman who is listening and maybe she is pregnant maybe she has a commitment to Christ but it's all confusing right now what would you say to her from your perspective you know the words that my parents spoke over me that God says about me that I am valuable and loved and worthy he says those things about you too and there are people that want to walk alongside you to make the impossible possible for you so that you never have to experience the pain and regret of abortion like Tanya has like I have and so I would encourage you just to reach out today call in and talk to someone pray with someone and get resources because you are stronger than your circumstances and you are supported well that's so true and I appreciate that and focus that's one of the reasons we're here we have caring Christian counselors you can call and they'll talk with you they'll schedule a time to call back and that is a great first step what should I do now and certainly reach out to your church your pastor whomever is friends friends except anybody just reach out and talk with somebody you know I'm so excited about Option Ultrasound I know you have helped us promote that here at Focus on the Family but we've been doing this for 16 years then we've got the numbers down it's $60 to save a baby's life yeah I mean it's incredible $60 save a baby's life join us let the Lord shed his blessing upon you for doing that and if you can support us in that way we'll send you a copy of Claire's book Survivor as our way of saying thank you for being part of the team yeah and if you can make that a monthly pledge of $60 you'll be saving a baby's life every month through that Option Ultrasound program so please donate that way if you can we recognize some people aren't a spot to do that and so a one-time gift of $60 sure does accomplish a great deal for one baby either way contact us donate to the Ministry of Focus on the Family and we'll send this book to you by Claire Colwell Survivor an abortion survivor's surprising story of choosing forgiveness and finding redemption our number 800 the letter a in the word family and the link is in the episode notes right John and I want to invite people to come and be a part of our Sea Life event for 2021 it's going to be at the American Airlines Center in Dallas August 28th and you can get more information by going to the website or calling us here at Focus we're hoping many people will stand up for life and be a part of it yeah that's the culmination of a six-week online series of videos that we have so please swing by our website find out more about the videos and celebrate life live experience that's happening at the American Airlines Center on the 28th of August as Jim said all the details are in the episode notes or again our number 800 the letter a and the word family Claire Tanya thank you so much for being with us this has been really good thank you thank you for having us and thank you for joining us for this episode of Focus on the Family on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team I'm John Fuller inviting you back next time as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ your marriage resources your adventures and odyssey stories focus was a constant influence there are thousands of stories just like that from focus on the family's legacy community folks who leave a legacy gift through their will trust or other estate planning tool you helped us have the gift of a godly family use your resources to help families thrive for generations to come find out more at focuslegacycommunity.com that's focuslegacycommunity.com