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Sharing Wisdom With the Next Generation (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly
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May 27, 2021 6:00 am

Sharing Wisdom With the Next Generation (Part 1 of 2)

Focus on the Family / Jim Daly

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May 27, 2021 6:00 am

Rob Parsons shares ideas that he’s written down to help his grandchildren avoid some of the difficult lessons that he learned as a young man.

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Sympathies family was not in a good place. She was failing as a wife and mother, but her rest was the last great hope never give up helping, letting the liturgy on Jim Daly today silky's family is thriving. Working together can help rescue and strengthen more families like hers give family.

My mother could read and write, but not much movement, which is incredibly wise one is a little Bush to tell me a story of a land away as people got older, they would write a life lesson on the school and they keep those schools in the center of the village a little hut every so often the elders would gather people together, and they read those lessons to the call the place was going to unlock some of the secrets of wisdom house today and the next time as well.

This is Focus on the Family with your host focus president Jim Daly and I'm John Fuller. Today's guest is Rob Parsons and he's been one of my very good friends for over 25 years. He heads up care for the family in the United Kingdom and effort that we help cofound many years ago. They minister to families in much the same way as we do here in the US but they do it across the UK and around the world.

Rob is a great storyteller and the author of several best-selling books is a lawyer by training and he really has a tremendous insight into the faults and foibles of human beings, including his own. That's why I like it so much today were featuring a unique presentation that Rob calls the wisdom house after the birth of his fourth grandchild, Rob had an overwhelming desire to write a letter to each of his grandchildren sharing with them some lessons that he is learned about life and love the kind of advice that they'll need as young adults.

And that's what will be listening to today right.

Here's Rob Parsons he's under a spotlight sitting on a stage in a darkened auditorium, Edinburgh, Scotland on today's episode of Focus on the Family in my study have got to big old chase. I sit in this one to the right to the fireplace and and over, that is, the other one. Suddenly, my mind's eye.

Imagine my grandchildren lost the little ones. They now but as grown men and women in the 20s and 50s. They sit in that old chicken.

Some people can. The hospital taught all of one of their dreams so tight it's gonna be something they couldn't be just to please somebody else and we would talk long into the night and you get the chance to listen what is Harry look at you having my wound 23 years old. Understand you've got a difficult person in your office. Oh, I'm sorry. You know difficult people every whether or not colleges are university, sometimes even our churches will almost every really seem to have a difficult person. The life of highly let me tell you some things about the difficult people number one difficult people always going to be with us you dream of the day they'll go imagine leaving your business, your college or university, sometimes even you should have.

You know what happens. The second they go.

Others rise up to take their place. So you know, I highly you may as well. It was a difficult people.

You've got if you possibly can prep your difficult sometimes you have to limit your exposure to difficult people don't want holiday really difficult people. Don't be a Marta and you know what Harry sometimes you have to find a level with the difficult person is not ideal.

One woman wrote to me and said my sister is my difficult person at the wedding. 10 years ago we hardly speak cup Christmas cards but because I long to have a conversation with. I said don't cut it off, perhaps keep it at that level for now prep some family trauma will bring you together sometimes just of the final level with the difficult person, but Harry sometimes your difficult person is so difficult they will drain you of life of energy. I know I know jobs are hard to get happy but but sometimes if possible you even need to move on a supervisor or manager pasta will sometimes drain you of life and an energy area. I want to recommend a different strategy to you normally can't change somebody else but you can change yourself because change is dynamic.

Often when we change other people change as well. I think of a young woman, now 29 years old or young lawyer in London but she was a gracious young woman, but she had a lot of steel down the back.

Unfortunately she had somebody supervising a law practice was a very insecure man and he started out by bringing other people down. She said he criticizes the way I dress my telephone manner. If I draft a document you make sure to find something wrong with should every morning I wake up I want to go is like it when everybody with a gossip about them in the office and I gossip to and one day I thought no, not looking to do this anymore. I stop joining the gossip about him and every job. He gave me to do I did. It's the best of my ability I when he did well.

I could do since Eli praised them. Jackie will greatly call today From his own father, for goodness sake, week by week and month by month, and over a couple of years is active shooter began to change.

In fact, she became just about the only friend you ever had in life and highly I commend Harry I love you dear you.

My grandson were going to say but I'm telling you this is one kind of difficult person. That's particularly difficult and lets you you critic. We've all got critics in our lives, but they are split into two categories and how it is desperately important you spot the difference if I start on your side before you. They'll pull you back when you go too fast to keep her from foolish pride what they say may hurt but you need the Bible says faithful are the wounds of a friend, but Harry, I'm telling you the second kind and on your side. They do not criticize the budget but to bring you down. They will criticize every aspect of your life and how you will try to please them, but you will never please write that down Harry. You will never ever place them in fact, they do want to be pleased with the first color critic like a bricklayer trying to build something beautiful. The second like demolition experts they come along with a big steel ball to knock down what somebody else's will. Harry in a quiet moment. Put the coffee on. Think about what they said there's a grain of truth in the popular summit but don't spend your life looking over your shoulder one what the making of you. They will drive you crazy. Remember the letter from a woman 75 years old. She said I've spent 50 years half a century in the prison of other people's opinions of my life have you great-grandmother was poor. We did have an inside toilet within of a bath with hot water. We did enough toilet paper, but she was wise and when I was about 13.

She took me aside one day and said well I know you have to Mexicans who have more money but I want you to know this. You are as good as anyone you're not better than anybody treat all with respect, but you as good as anybody, and I believe in you. There is nothing to prove. I love later in life, you may discover you specially got. If that ever happens, while it changes everything dedicated to the world with. I am accepted I am love this. Nothing to prove Joe having when we believe that we can more easily discover our own individual gifts. I think God's given each of us special gifts, talents, and when we know who we are, we discover the more easily when Gretzky maybe one of the greatest ice hockey play swiveling one recently said Gretzky's company is a good set ice skate where the park is going to be skate with the puppies going to be somebody said was sport psychologist could retrain that into young athletes. She can stop laughing for a month. This is Gretzky's innate gift how you great-grandmother didn't go to church but one day somebody knocked the dove out of the house a little chapel on the call of our street. It was Miss Williams. The Sunday school teacher and she said when any bozo goes in this house like to come to Sunday school and my mother said he'd like to go and she took me by the hand and led me down the road and into the world of Sunday school while a woman she was. She never did get matching ever kids around Miss Williams at thousands of children, not very long ago.

They asked me to speak at the 100th anniversary of the future. As I left somebody put my coat and a voice said to member me was Miss Williams. I thought she was 110 which came to get me when I was for only just just the story she told the boy about his letters to Jesus. The manacled walk on water, but we love best about David and Goliath, as well as a bully in school would like to see decapitate, but Harry 1050 years old I discovered some of that story to change my life. Basically what happens is this the young shepherd boy goes to the Kings is okay you soldiers were fairly joint but but all of the curriculum and King Saul says what you can, but you have to wear my David.

The defendant is the king of Israel, for goodness sake, so we climbs into the stuff. The minute he does he know she's made a dreadful mistake not removing the stuff that happened all over the next couple minutes but it must've been something like this hoping I don't offend you as well, for goodness sake, I can't wear your arm as I'm not you, if you will set me free with the sling and a couple stones you see things you can only dream of having a wallet full of people want to make you whether armor sometimes teachers will do the friends will do it. Sometimes husbands or wives will do it. Employees will do it. They want you to be just like them, and you must respect them. You can look up to them. You can learn from them. But you, whether armor you have to be you. Sometimes you have to stop playing your karaoke machine trying to be somebody else say for good or ill. This is me. Then with every fiber in your body. Give it all you've got.

Well Harry you going to go now I know but I go to see your cousin Lily in a moment she's got a big day tomorrow if you know so so I'll see you later old lady look at you.

25 years old, give pups a kiss down and focusing. Big day tomorrow.

Your mother showed me the dress you're going to look lovely by the way, I suggest you take a good looking you groom tomorrow in the church. Finally, he's gonna look about as good tomorrow as he is ever going to look at life dollars 11 very much, don't you. I know you do it all and that's why it's hard for pups to talk about what I want to talk to about but you know we are lots of talks in this old room.

I would use I did not share when you were 16 and you failed your first big exam when you cried. I made you cocoa and you sat there a year later when you first real boyfriend finish with you I told you that what plenty more fish in the sea and you told me that when people get very old. They say the silliest things darlin'.

I don't expect you to believe or understand what I'm about to say but I want you to put in the back pocket for tomorrow. I want to talk to about the nature of love your lawyer for many years pups work with a big family child, I was often interviewed on radio or television.

People say to me, Mr. Parsons was the greatest threat to family life today. I always gave the same answer is the very modern belief that love is just a feeling. And when the feeling goes that we can walk away.

Now listen, darlin'. I work with. I chatted almost 40 years, I saw the painter with the last me a lifetime.

I know it's always possible or even desirable to keep every relationship together. I know that but darlin' I'm telling you this, unless sometimes you can love when the feelings gone at least a while love not just with your hopper with you will you will never know love for a lifetime with anybody hello darling, you feel it quite impossible now I'm telling you the time may come for you FOR both of you, when one day you will wake up and your feelings and love as you do today and everything will scream out like always overland my darling you will have to make a decision whether because of the moment.

The feeling is gone you can just walk away or whether you can somehow fight to try to keep that love again. I understand tomorrow in church darlin'. The preacher's delivery. That lovely poem of love from one Corinthians 13 as he does listen to him. You will hear nothing about feelings. This is a love that does things. Love keeps no record of wrongs. It is not proud. It is not arrogant is not self-seeking. I go to write my books little cottage overlooking Carmarthen Bay and Swanson a couple years ago.

It's in Augustana walking on the beach. The sun is shining and it looks as if somebody stake in a million diamonds and scattered them across the surface of the sea and it's just beautiful. And as I walked back up to my cottage this old fisherman. I say it's a delicate. I don't know if he was always in a bad temper or just tired of told us that the box back at me. You should see the winter. You know, Lily. When I walked on the beach the next day was equally lovely, but I felt the sound in the sea in the hills whisper to me what you love us in January. Darling January love comes to every relationship. This is not the sum of all of this is winter this is for us to see whether it is possible for that love to go through the hard soil again some time ago young couple came into my office. She is crazy little girl of six months old. I said why are you leaving your wife and your little girl exec that will feel in love anymore.

When I got mine. I was so in love, but I don't feel like that now I sit did nobody tell you this feelings of love go up and down did nobody tell you, sometimes you have to love not just with a heart but with the will did nobody ever tell you about January love and he looked at me and he said no, nobody told me that and I look at this little girl.

She's six months old, and the first man in her life is about to walk forever, and nobody told nobody sums up this for me like Richard seltzer seltzer was a surgeon. He wrote the book: the lessons of the suture hideaway wrote word for word.

One of the chapters that I stand by a bed with a young woman lives.

Her face postoperative. Her mouth twisted in policy clownish to remove a tumor in her cheek.

I have cut a little nerve.

I promise you with religious fervor. I have followed the coop of the flesh. Nevertheless, to move the tumor.

I have cut into her mouth is twisted it will be the sum now on I watch her and her husband well in the evening lamplight.

The ward I asked myself for this couple touch each other so generously so greedily.

The young woman looks up and speaks will my mouth always be like this.

I say yes it will. It is because the new was correct. She nods and is silent.

But the youngest smarties I like. It is kinda cute. And he bends to kiss her crooked mouth and I so close I can see is altering the shape of his lips to prove the case was to remember that in ancient times the gods. This man, and a hold my breath and let the one darlin' that young man was like God was saying something like this to himself, your time, what, when we got married you look like this and I know you would love to look like that now but I will love you there will come a time in all our relationships, especially with her husband with a wife when times are partly because unattractive, physically, intellectually, emotionally, and we are called at least with time to alter the shape of our lips to see if the case comes to know telling one of the most famous books in the English language is Capt. Carly's mandolin cavalry of the Greek island second world war and the young at the lumber yard. JA is in love with it an Army captain.

The young Italian Capt. Carly but your old father pleasure.

The doctor wants to give us some advice about love and I want to give it to you the day before your wedding.

No looked out it's a bit saucy near the end, but you're a grown woman. I am an old man, so will get to when you fall in love is a temporary madness interrupts like an earthquake, and then it subsides and when it subsides you have to make a decision you have to work out whether your boots either become so intertwined together is inconceivable that you should have a part because this is what love is.

Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not lying awake at night, imagining he is kissing every part of your body that is just being in love which any of us can convince ourselves we are love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned will be a lovely day tomorrow.

You know why you still make lots of speeches if you let me make a speech. Although okay I'll lose my place in my glasses but out okay for you but I will cry no gift pops another case in and I'll see you tomorrow. Here comes Freddie look at you little scrum half Freddie, I want to talk to you briefly about fringe know allows the school as a boy in my class, watching Lewis.

He was hence he was clearly came top in all the tests and he was fast.

He won all the races. It was his heavenly father. Big box of gifts and use them all up on on Roger all the talents on module one day I said to my mother I'm going to ask what you Lewis a question on Monday and she said, was the question I told Jesus about practice in front of the mirror and I do 10 times as I go to school on Monday morning. I practice under my breath like going to the school like I nearly lose my courage. This is what you Lewis with all his courtiers around black push my way through till I'm face-to-face with him and asked the question I practice the weekend Roger what you would you like to be my best friend Roger Lewis started the love.

You know I had little nickname in school. Freddie spaces that nickname was going all around the playground, parsnips, parsnips, parsnips, who want parsnips to be their best friend later on in life. Thankfully Freddie a couple of people. But you know the funny here about friendship pretty when we're young we have lots of friends, but as we get older we lose touch with friends but friendships important study medical center said having two or three close friends during the Christmas card list of thousand two, or three) will affect your emotional your physical health. Even your longevity, but it's hard to make close friends these days because there is a key to friendship is very hard and it's vulnerability. We don't like being vulnerable you if you ever get married you love kids, people will start sending you the Christmas family newsletters don't open their dangerous things that are not the guards out to make way for the truth that all the kids exams you you just want someone to write you skits fail something like this were all busy telling tell how great we doing social media.

What have you, but I'm telling you this. Write this down if you want acquaintances. Tell them your successes. But if you want friends telling your fears, your heart you sleep with everybody but you gotta be prepared to be vulnerable. You might be in the student union and another student was Outlook open with with with this course and you say well well I started last year. I have to repeat the you might be in the office in Somerset. You know what I'm troubled with what our teenagers in a couple years ago we had a bit of trouble with one of our summary might say fewer. I'm a bit depressed what I went through a bitter depression couple of years ago, I found that the don't be afraid to be vulnerable when we are vulnerable. We are drawn to people and they are drawn to us. You know Freddie four years ago I got off the plane in Johannesburg. I turned my phone back on this a text message ringing home and I ran home, my good friend Barbara died writing about Brazil. Bob was a builder and he understood the joke of that as well. Bob the builder. I remember hunkering down and baggage reclaim crying like a baby for four days. I rang his mobile phone. I want to hear Bob's voice. Bob was my friend once a month we follow the streets look good together. That's like pool but on a much bigger table and much more difficult is the biggest score you can get its nucleus 147. All the rights and all the colors in exactly the right order, chalkboard weeks to Note of the highest score would have achieved in 10 years, 35, when I got back to South Africa I noticed Bob sneak back into the room for the last time in written Bob 146 even when cheating. He wasn't able to claim a perfect score where the siding will never ever be. Bob was my friend follow. Yes, we did it we are guessing we offend each other. Yes, we did like a grumpy old couple we made once in a while we told each other that we might be sniffy about emotion Freddie don't be afraid to tell your friends they might make that phone call that forgiveness.

If you possibly can send email friends might possibly rob persons on today's episode of Focus on the Family speaking right from his heart we once were eavesdropping on conversations that he is planning to have with his grandchildren when they become young adults. That's right, John.

These are important lessons that Rob wanted to impart and we thought they deserved a wider audience that you know during difficult seasons of life. We need to remember the principles that Rob shared such as there will always be unpleasant or awkward people in your life. Be kind to them such a beautiful thing. Make a commitment to love your spouse even when you don't feel in love and be sure to tell your friends that they really are important to you and will have more insight from Rob Parsons next time. And as Rob illustrated today. It's critical to have someone you can talk to and learn from that wise, often older person who is already experience what you're going through. And if you feel like you don't have that kind of person in your life. Please feel free to call us here at Focus on the Family we have a really compassionate group of men and women available to answer your call. Listen to your concerns and pray with you and perhaps suggest further resources that can help you. And if your situation warrants it, they can have one of our caring Christian counselors give you call back. Here's a good example of note we received from Claudia. She said a few years ago I was in an abusive marriage and had no one else to turn to. So I called Focus on the Family. I spoke to a member of your staff and she gave me the courage to get myself and my children to a safer environment. I just can't express how grateful I am to the Lord and to the kind workers at Focus on the Family thank you for being there for people like me and John that is exactly why were here. It really is and it sounds like Claudia was in a pretty dire situation so I'm glad we the resources here to help.

When she called John some of my I hate to think of what could've happened in that abusive marriage if she hadn't called us. Of course that's an extreme example, but I think it helps illustrate the fact that we really do want to help and were equipped to do so. Thanks to donors like you. You know the past year has been very tough for families and we've tried to address many of those pain points through this daily broadcast. We want to be there for you and provide advice from experts that can help so please consider donating to help us continue this important work. And when you make a donation of any amount will send you a CD of this complete presentation from Rob Parsons get a copy for a friend who has a teen or young adult.

If you're not in that spot today. You just give us a call in number is 800 the letter a in the word family will follow the link in the episode to donate to the work of Focus on the Family and get your CD next time more wisdom from Rob Parsons friend of mine is professor of psychology at Oxford University, said fasting thing to me not long ago, said Rob. Most people believe a future event will make them happen when the lottery if we could move house. If I can get exam if we could do this promotion.

I'd be really happy. Rob most happy people grasp. It is now was a on behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team. Thanks for joining us for this Focus on the Family podcast. Please take a moment and leave us a review. Give us a rating where you get your podcast and share this with a friend tell someone who might have some young adults that could be influenced by what Rob has to share one John Fuller inviting you back next time. As we once were, help you and your family thrived in Christ herein. Are you looking for an informative and encouraging and engaging resource for your teen daughter. Check out the new and improved free magazine is on the family demo. The original size like format trusted biblically-based magazine provides teen girls with inspiring stories and insights cultural insight and positive role model teen girl lived out the described real real

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