Bringing Purpose and Power to Your Prayer Life

I was tired and I was ready to walk away from our marriage. Abby's husband serves in the military, which means a lot of family moves and a huge strain on their relationship. But through our podcast, Abby found hope for her marriage. I don't believe that we would be where we are today without focus.

I'm Jim Daly. Working together, we can bring real hope to more marriages like Abby's. Give today at focusonthefamily.com slash real families. I pray in every circumstance, almost for everyone I see, because prayer should be continuous and without ceasing. I pray for focus on the family and I pray for the country. I pray for my family. I pray for their health. I pray for their faith. I pray mostly for my family and also for my job. I pray for my family and just the safety and well-being of them and for my friends that have prayer requests and stuff like that. Well, some important things to pray for, and you may even echo some of those very same things. But when you're so busy praying for everyone else, I wonder, do you take time to pray for yourself?

I'm John Fuller. That's our topic for today's Focus on the Family with Focus president and author Jim Daly. John, you know, I am so grateful for those prayers for Focus.

Now, that's kind of selfish right there, isn't it? Just that we think of prayer in that way, that if we can just petition God, then we'll get him to act on our behalf. And really, prayer is that act of worship that we're putting before him those things that we desire. And then we have to be comfortable in the fact that he may or may not respond the way we want him to. But it does say in Scripture to lift these things up, lift all things up to him and let him know what your heart is feeling.

And I like that component to it. And we're going to talk about this today. Well, we are. And, you know, a moment ago I asked the question, do you pray for yourself? And we'll hear from someone who has some very good encouragement in your general prayer life and also as you petition God for your own particular needs. Kathy Lipp is back with us. Jim, certainly one of our favorite guests here.

Absolutely. She has great energy and insights, always practical. And she's been with us a number of times. And Kathy, we're so glad to have you back. I'm so glad to be here.

I always have so much fun with you guys. I know that's not the first objective, but it's true. Kathy, let me ask you, you're talking primarily in your book, Praying God's Word for Your Life to women. But I mean, these concepts apply to both men and women, don't they?

Yeah. You know, my husband, this is a constant topic of conversation between my husband and I too. And also in our small group, you're talking about, you know, how much time do we spend praying? What do we pray about? Are there ways that we can be more intentional about our prayers? And, you know, for women, I think, because we're going in a million different directions, sometimes it's just the whole settling down and doing that. But with guys too, you know, with their busy schedules and families, we're all feeling this.

How do you make time? I mean, what's your routine in your practice? How did you get a handle on this to say, I need to commune with the Lord each and every day, several times a day? You know, I would love to be able to say I came from this space of, you know, I wake up in the morning and I just want to spring into the arms of God. And that would be a complete lie because this is, that's my desire, but it's not always where my feet are taking me. Does that make sense?

Yeah. And so, you know, and there were many days I was getting to the end of the day and I was like, I haven't spent any time praying. And I know how much that affects my day.

I know that being in prayer changes how I respond to my kids, changes how I respond to my husband and changes how I listen to God. And so I've had to be very intentional because I'm not a very methodical analytical person. Now your husband is, right? Oh, yes. He's an engineer.

Yes. We have a plethora of charts around our house that we know when we're supposed to be doing dishes, we know when we're going on vacation, we know how much money is going into the vacation fund. We've got charts, but I am not a chart person. I had a job one time where my job was putting little numbers in little boxes and I thought this is torture. Somebody has set me up for torture. And so methodical is not my middle name, but I also knew that I was missing something by not having that regular time with God by not clearing out my schedule. And I'm also not a morning person. I was going to ask this.

Yeah. I just read a report that is literally more painful for women to wake up than it is for men. And that explains so much in my life.

It really does. So you're not, you and your husband, Roger, very much like Jean and me. How about you, John and Dina?

There are some similarities here. I tend to be more of a morning person. And oftentimes, I mean, I'll wake up and I go to bed probably about 10. People are going, you go to bed at 10.

And I hit that age. But for me, I'll wake up in bed about 4.30, 5 o'clock. And it's the time that I really enjoy spending time with the Lord. And I'll raise those things before him, even though Jean is asleep next to me.

Jean doesn't speak before 10 o'clock. Yeah. And you know what, we're probably all grateful depending on how we wake up. I know that, you know, I've had to train myself to be a morning person. And people say you can't do that.

And I'm living proof that you absolutely can. And Jean has done that as well. Dina was not a morning person or an evening person for many, many years. She's a lunchtime person. She kind of had a four-hour day, part of her day where that was really good.

I like that. The Lord has woken her up consistently now for the past few years at 4.30 or 5. And she's fought that, but she has learned to embrace that time as quiet prayer time.

It does beg the question, though, Kathy, how does a person, and you're speaking specifically to women here, moms who are really busy, they got a lot on, how do you gain that discipline if that's not your natural bent? Well, I think, one, understanding the importance of it. I think that that is absolutely critical because if you're going more than a day, and we all know that there are days when crisis has come up, but if every day is a crisis, then there's something else going on. And so I think understanding the importance and then also accepting accountability. I've got to stop you there for a quick second because you said that so fast, but if every day is a crisis, there's a problem. Just tell me, because I'm sure a lot of women heard that and they went, oh, that's me.

What does that mean? What do I need to look into in my life if every day is there's no time for God? I think that one of the biggest things is, as women, we are trying so hard to meet every single need, whether it's valid or not. And just because somebody has asked us to do something, does it mean that we are the ones who are supposed to do it? Is Jean your sister?

Yeah. You know, when Jean and I talk, when we're off the air, it's true. It's a woman's nature, usually. It's always the 80-20 rule, but Jean, if there's a disagreement with us, it's because she'll often say yes to something, I know she's already maxed out. How come you're saying yes to that? You can only fix so many boo-boos.

And the thing is, our husbands can sometimes see it, but how do they tell us that? You gotta be careful. It's dangerous, isn't it? Because when these things come up, it feels great to be needed, doesn't it? It feels great that people are looking at you and saying, you're the one who can make this happen or you're the one who can fix this. But the honest truth is probably there are about 10 people who could make that happen. You just happen to be the first person they saw.

Okay. So you have all this coming at you, all these people around you, your husband, your kids that have needs, and you're trying to meet all their needs and be that super mom, you have that pressure, you derive a certain personal benefit from that, you feel good about yourself. But if you're doing all that, you're squeezing out God, do you have it upside down? And I've lived like that.

I had lived like that for many, many years. And when you don't have God involved in your life, you're saying yes without any input. And so I have really learned and this I learned from my husband, when there would be an opportunity he would that would come up, he said, you know what, let me take some time and pray about it and talk to my wife. And where I was like, well, if somebody asked me, it must be God's will.

So yes, of course, I'll do that, that would be so much fun. And I had to learn that I need to pull back and have a discussion with Roger and he can say, you know what, I'm excited for you. But is there something you can remove from your schedule to make that happen?

Or is it not valuable enough to remove something else from your schedule? It's good to have that counterbalance. Actually Jean and I have done that for several years where we made an agreement now it's not perfect. But we ask of each other that before we make a commitment to do something, go out to dinner with friends, whatever might be that we don't say yes, I think, I think the the greatest abuser that in the early days was just gonna.

And so that's worked really well. That's good, a good fundamental marriage agreement there. Don't commit me without talking to me. Because it's so important when we're talking about how stressed out and how busy we are.

And we're not only committing our time, but our spouse's time that can get us into real trouble. Kathy, I'm really intrigued in your book, praying God's Word for your life, you talk about five reasons to pray. And I think we always have to give kind of that scriptural under girding for what we're talking about. Right.

And I love that. Let's talk about those quickly and then move forward. One was, God asked us to pray at Romans 1212. Talk about that scripture. You know, when we look at the Bible as a whole, we're looking at, there are so many instances where God is asking us to pray, he's saying, this is important to me, this is important to our relationship. And so we can't gloss over that.

We can't say, you know, well, just because, you know, it's there. And it's, we need to make sure that we're taking God at His Word and realizing that this is super important. In fact, that scripture says, rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.

That's a good reason right there. The Lord said, here's what you need to do. And it's, when it's saying being constant in prayer, you know, I heard one of the people earlier saying that she's in prayer throughout the day. And I think that that is something to aspire to, but I don't think we all start there. Well, I can imagine some people hear that and go, how do you do that?

Yeah. And I think that what it is, is training our first response to not go and say, how would I fix this? But asking God, God, what, what do you want me to do in this situation? And trying to train our first response to be prayer.

So it may not be praying all throughout the day. But when those circumstances come up, how do we retrain ourselves instead of saying, I have to fix this, saying, God, what, what do you want me to do in this situation? The other one that God wants to know you, I love this. So often we, I'm not sure how to say this, but we create a barrier between us and the Lord because we don't see it as relationship like me and my friends, but the Lord is very much wanting to live there. And in that Proverbs 8, 17 passage, he says, I love those who love me and those who seek me diligently find me. It's a beautiful statement saying, I want to be there for you. But there also is something there that, you know, it says those who seek me.

So there's a responsibility on our part too. And I want to know the nature of God. I want to know him.

And so that comes through Bible reading, but it also comes through prayer and saying, you know, as I talk to God, I get to know his nature better. Well, again, it's so simple. It's like a friend. How would you get to know a friend by seeking that friend?

Right? Let's go to dinner Friday night. Let's let's talk. How do you do that in a marital relationship?

You spend time together. The Lord is saying, I'm the same. You're made in my image. And I think that for so many of us, at least for me, I know that when I have been negligent in my relationship with God, it's almost easier for me to put it off because I feel so guilty. And I don't explain that the more guilt you feel, the more distance you justify putting between you and God, which doesn't sound, you know, when you haven't called a friend for a while, it's harder to call that friend and it gets progressively more difficult and more awkward. And I think for me, I can feel that way with God, even though I know God's nature. And I know that, you know, God delights in me and he loves me and he adores me and he wants to spend time with me. But I don't think I'm the only woman who feels that way.

Let me just mention one more of the five that we're only talking about three of them. And certainly people can get the book to look further. But the one also that caught my attention and is so important to all of us who seek the Lord, that God answers your prayer. John 16 24, which states until now you've asked nothing in my name, ask and you'll receive it that your joy may be made full.

That's a beautiful one as well. Absolutely. And I think as we get to know God's nature, it becomes easier to pray, you know, and it's not just God answers our prayers in the way that we would want, but we can kind of submit our hearts and say, God, you know, I want this so desperately. I think God can understand the desires of our hearts, but he can also change the desires of our hearts. You know, we've had our hearts set on something that we thought this is going to change my life. This is going to make my family whole.

This is going to. And then so often, 10 years down the road, we see God answered that prayer, but not at all in the way that we expected. And so to be able to trust in God that he answers our prayers, even when it doesn't look like it was some really good encouragement from Kathy Lipp today on Focus on the Family. We always appreciate her insights and her energy. And as Kathy is talking about her book, Praying God's Word for Your Life, it may be that you're interested and would like to get a copy.

Stop by our website. We've got the details in the episode notes or call 800 the letter A in the word family. And now more from Kathy Lipp on today's episode of Focus on the Family. Kathy, you've you've been pretty transparent and we touched on one of the things that is kind of a hurdle to prayer time. And what are some of the other reasons that we don't pray? I think that, you know, we talked about guilt and I think that for a lot of women taking time away from family and relationships and the things that we have to get done makes us feel guilty.

Like we should you know, we've got this checklist that we need to go through in our day. And let's be honest, prayer is the one that you can kind of squeeze by on and quote, nobody notices. And but what we're doing is we're you know, we're putting dropping God to the bottom of our priority list. And I think that we're robbing ourselves of really getting to know who God is and get understanding his acceptance of who we are. And I think that that's a big hurdle for a lot of women not feeling accepted and loved by God, perhaps because of maybe the family they grew up in or maybe the view of religion they've had in their lives. But they feel that God may be a judge instead of what we were talking about earlier, that friend or that person who, you know, that companion exactly, exactly. And so I think that there's an element of guilt for a lot of women.

And I think that also, we don't know where to start sometimes. I think it feels overwhelming. I know that when I would start to pray, I would think, Okay, so I've seen these Bible teachers talk about the hour they have with God in the morning, and what they're doing, and they have this regimen that you go through. And I remember feeling completely overwhelmed by that. So I got to the point where I said, Okay, I'm just going to set some time aside.

I'm going to start with 15 minutes, and then 15 minutes felt overwhelming. And I know now your listeners are thinking, she's talking about prayer. I get it. I get it.

I get it. I start with one minute prayers. Well, let me ask this, because so many husbands can add weight, the guilt to this. And, you know, we speak to us as husbands, how we help lift that burden.

And I would think the formula would be that if your wife is praying and has a robust prayer life, you're gonna be a happier husband. Amen. And sometimes I can just hear husbands who are saying, Honey, we need to do this. We need to do that.

Or what happened to the house today? You know, not a wise question or husband coming home should ask that's the best advice that we can we inadvertently I think, husbands, we don't even understand the weight that we're putting on our spouses, so that they feel they don't have time. I think that if your wife comes to you and says, You know what, I need these 15 minutes or I need this half hour. Is there a way that you could take the kids for that amount of time? And or could you get up 15 minutes earlier? Or is there a way to create space for your wife so that she has that time? And maybe it's just about me getting up earlier. And I found that that was the solution for me. But just because I got up earlier didn't mean everybody's day started earlier.

Well, and that's a good question. I was gonna ask the the other side of that, when should couples be praying together? That should be every day as well.

Yeah, absolutely. And I think that for couples, it's really good to have a good book or a good, you know, something that you can just a tool somehow. And I know Focus has a ton of these kinds of resources, and something that you can go to every day and pray about. And the nice thing for Roger and I, while we may spend just a couple of minutes in prayer, it often sets off a discussion for us that we wouldn't have had otherwise. And I think for couples, one of the things the best questions you can ask is, how can I pray for you today? We think we know what's going on in our spouse's life. But then, you know, maybe the wife has a situation going on at work, or maybe the husband isn't feeling like the kind of dad he wants to be. I how does that change your day, when you know that you've got somebody who loves you, who loves God, and it is invested in you, who is sending you out into the world, prayed up? I think that there is just something about that that would change the whole dynamic of if you're struggling in your marriage, change the whole dynamic.

You Cathy have been on the program and talked in the past about your struggles, Roger, you're in a second marriage situation. When you reflect on that as a woman and marrying young and the struggles that existed there. Would prayer have changed that?

You know, it's a tough question. I know that I prayed a lot in that first marriage, I prayed a lot. And you know, my husband had some struggles that were beyond what I could do or repair. But I do know this, in that struggling marriage, if both of us had been praying, if both of us had been committed to the change that I know is possible, when God is intimately involved in a marriage and working with both people, there could have been hope for sure, absolutely. In a struggling marriage, I think that even if your spouse isn't praying, you need to be praying. And you need to get people around you who are praying. I think that there is always hope when God is involved in the midst of a marriage. For you and Roger today, I mean, is that the impetus for you?

I mean, you desperately want to make sure that you honor the Lord and everything you do. How did you come to that realization? What was the circumstances when you said Roger, we need to be praying often together, blending a family, children, thinking that we made the biggest mistake in our lives? Because I will say the first six months of that marriage were the hardest of my life.

Just because it was all coming down. I had kids in that house who, you know, wanted me gone. I mean, my stepson, Jeremy, was a protester at our wedding. It was a tough time in our marriage. It was really, really tough. And I look back at those first, you know, especially first two years and think, if not for God, if not for God. And now I have an amazing relationship with my stepson, Jeremy. We are great friends.

If he calls his dad and his dad's not available, he and I are talking on the phone. It is only through prayer that we have that relationship. And it's because Roger and I were praying together. I would love to say that we just wanted to start off our marriage in the best way possible.

And I encourage other couples to do that. But we were praying out of desperation and God answers desperate prayers. He does. He's close to the broken hearted and saves those crushed in spirit. I love that scripture. He mended us.

He mended us. That's awesome. When you come down to it, what would be a practical way for a mom, a wife hearing this? It's been the bottom thing on the list to do. And most days she hasn't gotten to that item to have time with the Lord to pray. What can she do tomorrow that will be different?

I think there are two important things. Understand that not everybody around you is a prayer warrior. Other women struggle with this. You may be in a Bible study where everybody's talking about how much they're praying.

That's okay. Start where you're at. And I'm a big believer in minivan prayers. If you are waiting for your kids to get out of school, you're waiting for them to get out of soccer practice, sit there, have a resource with you, have something that you can be praying out of, but start with one minute. And what's going to happen in that one minute is you are going to start falling in love with spending time with God. And that's where I am at now. It took me a while to get to that place, but now I am the person who looks forward to that time with my God every single day.

You try to move it to the top of the list. It's at the top of the list because I see how not only does it affect me, it affects the people in my life. And when I can honestly tell somebody I've been praying for you and I'm so glad I got to be a part of that miracle because of the prayers, that's an exciting way to live. You want to wake up every day and say, what else could I be praying for? You know, another reality check, I mean, and I think it's great out of your book, praying God's word for your life. You talk about your kids, your modeling for your children, something here too. They're seeing you pray. Where's mommy?

Right now. And it's a good thing. In fact, one of your teenage daughters became the family prayer warrior.

Yeah, absolutely. We had a cat, Zorro, who decided to go on a walkabout and was gone. And we were at a week of this cat being gone.

And we lived in a place where they had coyotes and all sorts of wildlife. And I knew what happened to Zorro. And so, but my daughter, Kimberly said, mom, we need to be praying.

We need to pray that Zorro will come home. And I said, you know, so I'm thinking, oh, isn't that cute? She still wants to pray. And so we prayed and she made posters in faith and put them up all over the place. And I kept having discussions with her that say, you know, God answers prayer in a variety of ways.

This is a very hard conversation to have. A week later, Zorro was on our front doorstep and alive and well, yes, that's important. So the Lord was saying, oh, Kathy, I have something to share with you.

Exactly. And, you know, Kim, to this day, whereas I'll be honest with you, my kids are in different varying degrees of where their walk is with God. But each of my kids will call me when there's a situation and say, will you pray? I said, I'll pray as long as you're praying. And you know, that, I think, is an opportunity when they have these lives that, you know, maybe we're not as day to day involved with anymore. But when they're asking you to pray, let me pray with you and let's pray about this together.

And my kids believe in the power of prayer. Kathy, as we wrap up today, those tough things, maybe it's finances, maybe it's, you know, there's something going on in the relationship and the woman is broken over it. How does she approach her husband to say, would you work with me to put this before the Lord? How does a woman go about approaching her husband when there's tension over an issue? Right. So, you know, even when there's tension, I think everybody in that family wants peace.

And you know, we may look at it in different ways and how it should come about. But I have never had anybody say, I don't want you to pray for me. Even my non-Christian family, my non-Christian friends, everybody's willing to receive prayer. So going to your husband and say, you know what, I have not been praying on your behalf like I should. What can I be praying for you about today?

What is there? And maybe you don't start with the relationship stuff. Maybe you start with the work stuff and say, is there something I could be praying for you at work today? And just try to gently dip your toe in and say, and then ask, I prayed for you today.

How are things going? Or are there different things I could be praying about? Praying for your husband's family, I think is a wonderful way to just open up your heart and say, this is important to me too. So humbling ourselves saying, let me pray for you and then getting to a place where eventually you can be praying together. Well, and that's it. It sounds like that spirit of humility that we all need, not just wives, husbands too.

And that's how we go about doing that. Kathy Lipp, author of the book, Praying God's Word for Your Life. It is so good to have you here. Thank you for your, just your vivacious spirit and the God we see in you. I love being here and I love you guys. What a great conversation today with Kathy Lipp about the power and the purpose of prayer on this episode of Focus on the Family.

And we've got details about Kathy and her book in the episode notes or call 800 the letter A and the word family. John, a critical part of what we do every day here at Focus on the Family is helping people grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ. That's central to who we are. And we want to introduce you to God's love and forgiveness and support your daily walk with the Lord. And we've got lots of resources dedicated to your spiritual discipleship, like Kathy's book and programs like this one, our websites and so much more.

And it's been our privilege with God's help to impact families in profound ways. One listener responded this way, you guys fuel me and make deposits in me so I can go out there and do the same for others. You fuel me as a wife, mother and believer in this culture. Thank you, all caps, so much. I believe my husband would echo these sentiments as we listen to your podcasts while we do our chores, take lunchtime walks, or whenever we have the opportunity. You're such an incredible blessing. And we'll just bounce that right back to the Lord, right, John?

Yeah, absolutely. Bottom line, that's why Focus on the Family exists to bring real hope to real families just like this woman's and yours. And I hope you'll contact us about getting Kathy's book, Praying God's Word for Your Life. We can put a copy of that into your hands when you send a gift of any amount to Focus today. And that's our way of saying thanks for partnering with us to share God's good news with families, literally around the world. So please get in touch, send a gift if you can, and keep praying for this family outreach. We always appreciate hearing from you and your support, prayer and financial really do make a difference. So please contact us today. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family, 800-232-6459. Or you can donate and get Kathy's book and find the other resources Jim mentioned.

All the details are in the episode notes. And coming up next time, some wonderful encouragement for moms. God said, I'm going to help you. I will never leave you. I will never forsake you. He said that my weakness is what he loves. His strength is made perfect in a weakness. And I love to tell moms, do you feel weak today?

That's exactly where God wants you. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. Your marriage resources, your adventures and Odyssey stories.

Focus was a constant influence. There are thousands of stories just like that from Focus on the Family's legacy community. Folks who leave a legacy gift through their will, trust or other estate planning tool. You helped us have the gift of a godly family. Use your resources to help families thrive for generations to come. Find out more at FocusLegacyCommunity.com. That's FocusLegacyCommunity.com.