Using Your Unique Personality to Share Your Faith (Part 1 of 2)

You've read accounts in the Bible of how Christ impacted so many people, but we really know very little about the lives of those early followers of Jesus. The Chosen, I Have Called You By Name, imagines what life was like for those who followed Christ. Based on the widely acclaimed TV series The Chosen, this Focus on the Family book by bestselling author Jerry Jenkins brings color and depth to the people surrounding Christ. You can find out more at focusonthefamily.com slash chosen. Well, that's an awkward conversation, and maybe you've been on one side or the other of that. Maybe you're wondering, what did that really accomplish? This is Focus on the Family, and today we're going to be talking about evangelism and the angst that many of us feel about sharing our faith.

Your host is Focus President and author Jim Daly, and I'm John Fuller. Hey, John, many people know that I tend to be an extrovert. Wait, really? I remember a friend of my mom's when I was a young boy, probably five, she asked me, why do you have diarrhea of the mouth? That really offended me, actually. It kind of shut me up for a while. You're just a talkative young man. I do like to talk. I like to engage people, and I think it's fun. That's what life is about.

Well, sometimes other temperaments, like introverts, may not appreciate that. Guilty? Do I irritate you? Not at all. You can admit it. I'm used to your diarrhea of the mouth. Okay, enough of that.

This is not about that. Today we want to talk about evangelism and the way your temperament and personality type can play into your evangelism style. Yeah, I've watched you, Jim, talk to strangers, and you just win them over, and it's really easy for you to talk to them. That's the Lord, man. And for me, not so much.

I remember a seminary class I had, and it was an assignment I had to do some evangelism. I mean, think about that, and we'll explore that more, I'm sure, as we get along with our guests here. But I decided that I would go to a little community college campus on a Saturday afternoon. That's an introvert decision right there. To find somebody that wouldn't be threatening to me.

And of course, I walked for like 45 minutes, and I went back to my prof, and I said, I didn't see anybody to talk to. And he's like, yeah, it's really hard, isn't it, to go out and kind of force the issue. But that was really a challenge for me. You never know what you're going to encounter. I remember in San Diego one time I was part of a street evangelism group.

You know, I was young, and we went out, and I remember the first guy we encountered started to claim he heard voices from Jupiter. It was kind of hard to talk to him about the concept of God. And it's not to laugh at his peril, but I mean, you don't know what you're going to walk into when you're doing street evangelism.

Very much like that opening clip, it's a challenge for a lot of folks to really figure out how to share their faith. That's why we have Dr. Mike Bechtel with us once more. He's an author, speaker, and consulting coach. He's written a number of books. He's been here before. And the one we're going to talk about today is called Evangelism for the Rest of Us, Sharing Christ Within Your Personality Style.

And we have copies here. Just click the link in the show notes. And I should mention that we have a group of young adults with us as well. Some are interns here at Focus who are going to be participating in a Q&A session with Dr. Bechtel later on in our broadcast. Mike, welcome back to Focus. Thanks. It's always a privilege to partner with you guys.

It's so good to see you again. And I love your attitude. I love the way you approach things. It's, you know, quite a task to write a book on evangelism and especially to tie it to personality types. Let's go right to your love-hate relationship with evangelism. That's how you expressed it. It makes me wince a little bit that you could actually have that battle within you, because I think it's a command that we go out and tell the world about Jesus.

Why was it a love-hate relationship? Well, I think it is for a lot of people. And I didn't hear anyone say that because I was an introvert. And I'm listening to you talk about your story of going to the campus, John, in the middle of the afternoon on a Saturday. And I thought, as I'm listening, I'm thinking I would have gone at two in the morning.

Wow. Because there's a better chance of not having to do it. Yeah, you reduce your risk that way.

Well, let's mention that. I mean, again, some people will find that to be far more natural to talk to people they don't know, partly because, I think in my case, I don't care. I mean, I'm going to talk to somebody and I don't really worry about what you think of me. Not that an introvert does worry about that, but why is the temperament so critical? Why does that play into it?

Well, I think because God made us unique. And everything that I heard when I was growing up was it turned out to be guilt-based because you have to do this. God will be upset with you if you don't. He commands this. He wants you to do it. And most of the people I heard it from, the pastors and the seminar leaders, were extroverts.

Right, speakers, communicators. Exactly. And so they're saying, well, this is how you need to do it. So it wasn't so much a matter of should you do it or not.

It's here's the method you need to use. You need to be bold. You need to do it. And the harder it is and the more uncomfortable it is, the more real evangelism it is. And I always wondered, then why didn't God make me noisier? Why did he make me with a quieter personality? It was much more reflective because I talked to somebody. You can talk to somebody and you're not intimidated if they come up with a question you can't answer.

You just move on or you make up an answer. Now you're getting the extrovert part, right? But for me, I always think of the perfect response about 10 minutes after they left. And so it's like, well, why can't?

Because I think most extroverts assume that introverts just need to be healed, that if they could be noisier, if they could just pipe up a little bit and learn how to do it, their life would be easier. That's what they need to do. Well, and I so appreciate that perspective, and I think certainly one thing we need to not have is guilt.

I mean, this is the good news. That's the great part of this, you know, and it should come naturally within how God has wired you to express it. Let's get to some of the data to paint the picture for the listeners and the viewers. It's interesting the stats about evangelism. Only 64 percent of Christians believe sharing the gospel is something we're supposed to do. And for younger adults, almost half don't want to convert someone of a different faith because they feel it's inappropriate. That's a big change from a few years back.

What's happening there? More introverts being born? I don't think so. I'm sure it is. But there's social pressure, and there's a high sensitivity to other people's feelings and beliefs. And yet at the same time, this is the contest of ideas. You know, is Jesus who he said he was? We as Christians believe absolutely. It would be remiss of us not to share that conviction with others, wouldn't it?

You know what? I think part of what happened years ago was that there was so much of an emphasis on the method that it had to be in this bold kind of way that I always felt guilty. And a lot of people that I knew felt guilty as well because it's like, I'm not doing those methods. And so you have to work up to it.

And then, OK, I'm going to find a way to do it. I remember going to an evangelism seminar once, a three-day class, and overnight we had to go find somebody and witness to him. That was the assignment. And I remember a friend of mine, we did it together, found somebody at McDonald's, an employee on his break.

He was sitting on a table. We snuck up behind him, sat on either side, and I made sure I jumped right into the gospel presentation first, because if I didn't, he would and I'd have to find somebody else. And we talked to him for a while, and finally he said, well, I got to go back to work.

Thanks for preaching. And I remember how I felt. I thought, OK, I did it. I did what I'm supposed to do.

God's happy with me. And I didn't feel the guilt anymore. It's almost like a smoker that once they have a cigarette, they're not craving it for a while. And then a couple months later, I was still basking in that.

Well, last time I shared my faith, in fact, last week with somebody at McDonald's, and it worked for a while. But then I thought I felt guilty again. It's like if I really cared about those people, I probably wouldn't I wouldn't be craving it later. It would just be so satisfying each time.

And that's when I thought, why didn't God make me this way? What if there's a different way? What if it's not the Great Commission that's the problem? Maybe it's that I'm listening to the methods. And what if there's more methods that I'm hearing?

Well, and I love that reveal. You mentioned several misconceptions in your book about evangelism. You're touching on one now.

Success or nothing may be that one you're mentioning. You also talk about the blood on your hands, quantity over quality. So just talk about those concepts or misperceptions. Oh, yeah, there was a lot of misperceptions. One was that idea that if you don't lead somebody to Christ right then, you failed. It was your responsibility. They might go to hell because you didn't say something. Yeah, and then there's a passage in Ezekiel that says their blood is on your hands. And I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it was bad. I thought I'm going to be in trouble if I didn't do it. But then that makes me the one that's selling salvation instead of God doing the work because he said we're fishers of men.

I heard somebody say once that we catch him, he cleans them. And so being able to take somebody through a gospel presentation, if they don't respond, it's like my daughter when she was three years old, we planted carrots in the backyard, a long row of carrots. And she would go out and check them every day, and they start dying from one end to the other. And I looked out the window one day and saw her looking at the carrots. She reached down and grabbed one, yanked it out, stared at it, and put it back in the ground.

She wanted to see if it was done yet. And I think sometimes if we push too quickly for the close, it becomes more of a sales process. I'm not really caring about people, and it's just a different dynamic. Yeah, and again, in the book, you mentioned several of these misperceptions, but let's get to the real deal, real evangelism, as you call it, team effort, those kinds of concepts.

Let's hit a couple of those. What do you think about that team effort approach? Well, it goes back to the whole thing of the body of Christ, that the body is made up of different parts, and they all work together. And any time we pray with someone to receive Christ, when we actually get to that point, we didn't do it by ourselves.

There's a whole string of people throughout their lives that have brought them here, that God uses so many different people. And so my job isn't to get the close, because God's the one that saves people. My job is to be responsive to what He asked me to do, which in one case it may be just to be kind to them, which will take them to the next step for somebody else that comes along, and the next one and the next. Yeah, and Mike, I think the question can be, and I like this, but how do we let that pressure out so that we can hear the Holy Spirit and know how to deal in the moment with somebody who's in front of us? How do you develop that capability that you don't have to go for the close right now?

And what is needed in the moment? Somebody suggested to me, and I think this is based on research, that it's 11 touches in a person's life with a Christian before they come to Christ. Now, I don't know how they came up with that number, but it does speak to what you're saying, that if you're number one, if you're the first one that's had a touch with this individual that doesn't know anything about the Lord, it may be a high expectation that you're going to go 1 through 11 today with this person, and it could happen.

You don't want to count that opportunity out, but you also have to be satisfied that you simply showed the love of Christ to an individual today and trust that God will know who's next to touch that person's life. Well, I think a good definition of evangelism that I came up with is just love people and talk, because real relationships is where things happen, and any time I look at a person as a project where I need to find a way to present the gospel to them, it's like I'm focusing on that outcome, but I'm not really having a relationship with them. And people are more than just spiritual beings. They have their needs in their life and their relationships, and they have money problems.

They have everything else. So to be a friend to them and to build a relationship and learn just how they think and listen, I think listening is one of the best forms of evangelism, just to hear their heart and build trust. Yeah, and some are going to, they hear you say that, and this is also, I think, rooted in our temperament. Some will say, man, no, you've got to go for it, because this could be this person's last opportunity before they die of cancer or whatever it might be. I'm so grateful to an elderly couple that talked to my mom before she passed away, the day before she passed away from cancer, and they led her to the Lord.

I mean, and it counts. And her life was a good life. She could have said, generally, I'm a good person.

I think I'll get there. But they needed to explain to her what Jesus' death, resurrection, and empowerment through the Holy Spirit actually meant. And that's kind of the work that I don't think is being done right now. Well, I think some of that comes from what you said earlier about having a relationship with somebody. When you talk to them in the moment, what do they need? And that's being responsive to what God tells you to do in that moment, that it's not my plan to say, well, I'm going to talk about this and go in here and do this and this. I mean, it's not that that's a bad thing, because there will be a place for it. But God may want to use me in the moment with somebody for a specific need they have. You encourage people in the book to have relationships with non-Christians.

I couldn't agree more. I think that some of the most rewarding relationships I have are with people who don't know the Lord, and we get a chance to talk very deeply about that possibility. I mean, it's hard, because I wear the label across my forehead. I am a Christian.

People know I'm the president of Focus. So when I get into this discussion with them, they know where I'm coming from, or they think they know where I'm coming from. And so it may be a little different when you're in a position where people have expectations about who you are, what you believe, and now you're going to try to get a hold of me. But for the person working in a business, a company, what have you, it is good to walk with people.

The idea of walking discipleship, that we don't have to win someone right now, but earn their respect, earn their trust, love them so that their hearts can open up to what the Gospel will present to them. Well, and I think different temperaments are going to respond to different things. An extrovert approach probably isn't going to be that effective with an introvert because they think differently.

It's almost like a different language. And you take an extrovert, walk him through a complex. I have a friend who's an extrovert. Be careful, ma'am.

I know. I'm choosing my words carefully. I have a friend that's an extrovert. He walks through a business and he sees all the people at their desks. And his first thought is, we need to get all these people together for lunch so we can present the Gospel and just talk to them. And I would go through and I'm looking at the pictures in their cubicles thinking, OK, what's important to them? Where's our common ground?

What can we talk about? And that's why both of them are needed, because it's a matter of sensitivity. Because introverts tend to be, they think deeper. Extroverts tend to think faster.

And so putting those together, there's different needs at different times. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller and our guest today is Dr. Mike Bechtel.

And his book is called Evangelism for the Rest of Us, Sharing Christ Within Your Personality Style. I will note, Jim, that on the cover there's a big red panic button there, which is, I think, really telling for where a lot of people live with this topic. If you're finding this to be an encouraging conversation, or if you have questions, stop by the website, get a copy of the book, or ask us questions if we can be of help.

Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family, or click the link in the episode notes. Alright, let's turn to the audience. We're going to have some of these young people come and stump the professor. And, you know, one thing I want to say is so many people, older people, let me put it in context, that look at the younger generation and, you know, they have such concern. I'm telling you what, I have met many, many young people in a variety of settings. I'm excited about what the Lord is doing in that core group of believers. And, you know, there's hundreds of thousands, if not millions of them. And I think the Lord is going to do something amazing in this next generation of believers. Because the world is in such a place that their faith is going to have to shine for the Lord to work through them, to touch a world that's, you know, growing more and more desperate for God's love and attention. Hi, my name is Melissa Schell.

I'm from Bloomington, Illinois. And my question for you, it's important to take into consideration our temperance when we're evangelizing, but how important is it to take into consideration the temperance of the person that we're evangelizing to, especially when we meet them for the first time? That's a great question.

That is. Yeah, when I think about the temperaments, that's so good because an extrovert doesn't have to just talk to extroverts, but they can also realize that an introvert is going to respond differently. They have a different way of seeing it. And just to understand, and I think for an extrovert to take the time to really find out what is an introvert, how do they think, how do they process, and vice versa, for the introvert to realize that there's such strengths in both. So I think it's a matter of taking the time to study the other temperament and realize how they respond to things, just like we would with anybody.

The more we get to know them, it builds trust if we're speaking their language. Mike, let me just say, sensitivity is not an extrovert or an introvert thing. An introvert might have more of it, but extroverts need to learn that sensitivity as well.

It doesn't give you a get-out-of-jail-free card, right? And being sensitive to another person, to me, is Christian, because the Lord certainly expressed that. And I think you start every conversation with that sensitivity.

Where's this person coming from? I think one of the most difficult things when you're talking with somebody is when they have a big wound, and emotionally that's coming out at you. And if you act emotionally back at them, it goes nowhere. You've got to be able to take that and turn that into something good for the cause of Christ. So you've got to be constantly thinking about how can I respond, even if a person is hyper-emotional for some reason that we may not even know.

You know, that they were bludgeoned spiritually by a family member. But I think that's another reason why listening is so critical. Before I want to say anything to somebody else, I want to look through their eyes. I want to see what they're saying.

How do I do that? I can ask questions and just listen. I'm not asking questions in order to reply. I'm asking questions to understand.

And if I can ask questions and start understanding, now I've got a framework. It's built some trust, but also I know where they are and where they're coming from, so I can speak to that. All right, next question.

Hi, I'm Joshua Bumpus from Tyler, Texas. And I was curious to know, it was mentioned earlier that we live in such a public culture. A lot of people have a big presence on the internet, that kind of thing. And I was curious about what you were thinking about, whether or not social media, evangelizing on social media, has the ability to pack the same punch as face-to-face evangelism. I was thinking maybe it may not seem fulfilling to some. Maybe it seems like they're not doing enough. But to others, especially introverts, it might make them more comfortable to share the gospel kind of with the barrier of social media there.

So I was curious about what you thought about that. I don't have a problem with it, with social media. I think it has its limitations and it has its risks. And the risk is that you can say anything on social media, and it can be misconstrued because they don't see the twinkle in your eye when you said it. Or they don't see the little facial expression that you pick up face-to-face. Plus, people tend to be, I mean, look at all the dialogue going on on Facebook and even Instagram, that with all the stuff happening right now, people get pretty vicious. And more so than they ever would in person.

I have a friend who's a contractor and he gets things in writing. He gets emails where people are just going after him. And so he's learned to just pick up the phone and say, hey, I got your email.

What's going on? Or he'll drive across town and have lunch. He said they're never as strong in person because it gives them that anonymity so they feel safer doing it. Does it give you more courage to be stronger in the positive things?

I think it could. But just understanding the dynamic of what happens, I'd always rather be face-to-face then. And for an introvert, the bigger the group gets, the more you tend to kind of close in.

I'm much more comfortable one-on-one, one-on-two. I went to a restaurant not too long ago with an extrovert pastor friend of mine, and somebody was sitting at a table all by themselves over there. And I was thinking, gosh, he just looks like he's just really enjoying himself. He's sitting there and he's having dinner by himself.

And I do that quite a bit. And my friend said, you know, if I wasn't sitting with you, I'd go sit with him. I just feel so sorry for him. He looks lonely.

You would ruin it for him. So, yeah, I think there's that dynamic of what happens in there. Yeah, but I think, too, we're wired for relationship. That's part of who we are, made in his image, made for relationship. So it doesn't mean turn your back on social media. It's a good opportunity, but most effective is being engaged in someone's life. All right.

Hi, I'm Abby Russell and I'm from Kingsport, Tennessee. In some ways, I'm hearing you say that letting go of guilt and evangelism means also letting go of your need for instant gratification and even measurable outcomes. With that said, how would you say both introverts and extroverts handle the issue of pride when it comes to evangelism? Wow, these are great questions.

You should keep them. Yeah, no kidding. Impressive. When it comes to evangelism, I think pride can be a real factor because if I pray with someone to receive Christ, there is a sense of, or at least there used to be a sense of, I did that. Or accomplishment.

Yeah, I accomplished it, and that's true. But I don't want to make it about me. I have to understand that if I pray with someone or if I share my faith in that way, I'm part of the process God is doing through a number of people. At this point, he made me the point person. But other times, it's just being responsive to what he has me do. And if I can really understand that and sense it, then it's harder to have the pride because I have to take it back. He's the one that brings people to himself. He says, if I be lifted up, I will draw all men to me.

And so my job is to hold them up, and then he can draw them to himself from there. Yeah, no, that's really good. I think, too, the generalizations that we're sharing here, as we're talking about introverts and extroverts, it's a little, what's a good word, sloppy. I think sincerity needs to be in both an introvert and an extrovert's heart. I think the other thing, too, I think extroverts, and I'm one, you tend to be goal-oriented, and so you do lean into, hey, I was able to share the gospel with 10 people.

Out of the 10 people, two people accepted Christ. That's a 20% average. I think I'm doing pretty good. I'm batting 200, right? And you've got to let that go and have that confidence in Christ that your job is simply to engage.

And it's the Lord's responsibility to do with that what he desires to do with it, right? You know, what I've almost seen is that there's more of a pride issue with the introverts than the extroverts. Oh, explain it. Since you're an introvert, this is good.

We have both of us going at it here. Because I went for so long feeling inferior and guilty because I couldn't do it. When I finally realized that God shaped me to share in a certain set of ways that was different, it was so freeing. And it's real easy at a certain point to almost look down on extroverts who are doing it in the more outgoing way because it's like that's not nearly as effective because we're building relationships, we're doing that. And I had to work through that.

So I think that's almost more of a pride issue. Well, that's where we concluded the first part of our conversation in the Q&A with Dr. Mike Bechtel based upon his book, Evangelism for the Rest of Us, Sharing Christ Within Your Personality Style. This is Focus on the Family with Jim Daly, and I'm John Fuller. John, I always appreciate the wisdom and vulnerability that Mike brings whenever he's with us. His message today has been so encouraging. I know for extroverts like me, it's easy to connect with people and open up a dialogue about faith and many other topics.

Other temperaments find that more difficult to do. But the good news, as we learn today, is that we can all learn to be more effective witnesses for Christ. He calls us to that task.

And how you do so won't look the same as everyone else, and that's okay. If this program today has made you wonder, how do I know if I'm a Christian, I hope you'll contact us because we can help you answer that question. We'd love to talk to you about what it means to give your life to the Lord Jesus and seek forgiveness for your sins, and then experience God's wonderful gifts of grace and eternal life. So please, let us know if you have any questions. Yeah, Focus on the Family is here to help, and our number is 800-232-6459.

800, the letter A in the word family. Or you can find us online, and the link is in the episode notes. And John, I want to encourage our listeners to get a copy of Mike's book, Evangelism for the Rest of Us. This message is so important, and as followers of Christ, we can't afford to be negligent or apathetic about the good news, especially in today's culture where so many want to silence God's truth. The urgency Jesus shared in Matthew 9 applies to our generation today.

The harvest is plentiful, but the labors are few. We can put a copy of Mike's book into your hands when you send a gift of any amount to Focus on the Family today. That's our way of saying thanks for helping us spread the gospel of Jesus Christ. And once again, our number 800-A-Family, or donate and request the book.

The link is in the episode notes. Well, next time we'll continue the conversation with Dr. Mike Bechdel as he examines reasons why many Christians don't value evangelism as they should. Why aren't people sharing?

And they used to. And part of it is they tried, and it was never something people were comfortable with. It's easier to just stop doing it than to deal with the guilt. And now we're in a place where, after having not done it for a while, there's a lot of other things we can do. On behalf of Jim Daly and the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once more help you and your family thrive in Christ. for generations to come. Find out more at FocusLegacyCommunity.com. That's FocusLegacyCommunity.com.