It's the start of a new year, and so what do you want to do differently in the coming 12 months? Dr. Kevin Lehman can help. You want to lose weight, I can tell you how to lose weight.
Take a 3x5 card, put your weight on it and your name, and post it at work, in the break room, in the back of the church, any public place. There's a bit of nervous laughter there. Yeah, the audience doesn't seem to be really grabbing this one. Yeah, neither am I. I'm not doing that. Are you kidding me? Well, this is Focus on the Family, and I'm John Fuller, and your host is Focus President Jim Daly, already refusing to take the good advice of Dr. Kevin Lehman. Alright, for those of you who reacted the same way as I did, don't worry, this is not a weight loss show, unless, of course, that's what you'd like to change in the coming year about yourself. We've got a great presentation from Dr. Kevin Lehman that we'd like to share with you today, and it's based on his book, Have a New You by Friday.
How to accept yourself, boost your confidence, and change your life in five days. Sounds too good to be true. And I'll tell you what, this is a very encouraging message. As we start the new year, you'll appreciate the great insights that Dr. Lehman offers. He is one of our most popular and frequent broadcast guests. He's the author of over 40 books on topics like the impact of birth order, and tips for a great marriage, and what he calls reality discipline principles for kids.
And he and his wife Sandy have five grown children, several grandchildren, and here now is Dr. Kevin Lehman speaking at Victory Worship Center in Tucson, Arizona, on today's Focus on the Family. You know, we just discovered another planet. Astronomy is really something. I'm not smart enough to even pass astronomy. It's got too much math in it.
I remember my daughter brought her homework, paper home of math. I looked at it and I said, shazam, when they start using letters. But anyway, they just discovered a new planet, and it's 5.1 trillion miles from Earth. Who can fathom what that is? And this planet has its own sun. I'm so stupid I didn't know there were other suns.
I just thought there was that sun up there that keeps us warm. How big is your God? You know, sometimes I think we're guilty all of just plasticizing and, you know, pull out God on Sunday at 9 and 11, and Wednesday at 7, and give to the Uganda trip, and you know. God's God. He is such an awesome God. And the scripture says, He knows the number of hairs on our head. And for some of you, you've made that easier for God. And He knows when the sparrow falls.
I think most of us are sort of clueless when we think about the majesty and the depth of what God is all about. And here I am at 69. I was talking to Pastor Zane before we came out, and I said, you know, just coming over here this morning, I must have had five thought prayers just reminding myself about I want to finish strong.
At 69 years of age, I got news for you. I ain't going to be hanging around a long time, you know, but I want to finish strong. I want to be the best I can be. Do I want to be perfect?
No. I'm far from perfect. I always tell people flaunt your imperfection.
I think that's when you really begin to touch someone's life. So anyway, I thought about what should I talk to you about? How about having a new you by Friday? That's a book I did. You know, how many of you would like to change something about your life?
I'd like to see a show of hands on that, okay? Now, for those of us who got a few too many pounds on us, you know, you want to lose weight, I can tell you how to lose weight. Take a three by five card, put your weight on it and your name, and post it at work, in the break room, in the back of the church, any public place. But just promise me you'll change that every week, and you will lose weight. How you lose weight, that's up to you. And that's the unique thing about it.
You'll all lose weight differently. But do you see what has to happen? There has to be what? A commitment. So I thought I'd share just a few points from a little book called Have a New You by Friday. I say in the book, the book ought to cost $199, because people will spend an enormous amount of money and go see a shrink. And, you know, the shrink arranges the easy 59 payment plan, and years later you have changed behavior. Now, number one, I'm not trying to put down any of us in the helping professions. I was in private practice for 35 years, but I also told people when I walked in the door, if you're looking for someone to hold onto your hand for the rest of your life, you're at the wrong place. If you're looking for someone who will help get you a jump start, I'm your guy. Let's get going. You tell me why you're here.
So, again, there's sort of a synapse that has to happen where you begin to think about what you want to change, and now you have to begin to do things differently. Now, a little autobiographical, but some of you know my story. I graduated from high school fourth in my class.
The bad part was it was fourth in the bottom and not fourth in the top. And one of my vivid memories of childhood growing up in a place called Williamsville, New York, was being in that elementary school and being in the reading groups we had. Now, again, I grew up in a politically incorrect America. They didn't care how you felt, okay? I mean, we knew where we belonged. They had the red birds, the blue birds, the yellow birds. I was a crow.
I mean, we knew who we were, okay? I was a slow reader, slow learner. I was a September 1 baby, so I got in late, and I'm a proponent.
I always have been, hey, hold your kids back a year, especially those boys who don't grow up as fast as little girls. Anyway, long story short, I didn't do a lick in school. As a senior in high school, I was taking consumer's mathematics. That's Nancy went to the store to buy four apples, came home with 50 cents change, had a dollar with her.
How much were the apples? That was final exam stuff, and I was going nowhere. I applied to colleges and universities you never heard of.
The night school at the University of Buffalo was called the Millard Fillmore School Night School, where they'd give you six units. They turned me down. Our church denominational school, which my mother dragged me through it to as a kid, turned me down, even sent them scripture about forgiveness. They were unimpressed, but I mean, I was going nowhere in life. And yet, I look back in my life, and I think about, wow, what happened in my life? Well, if you look at that family zoo that you grew up in, that little family you grew up in, everybody think about the family they grew up in. Think about the firstborn in the family. What was that firstborn like?
What was the secondborn like? They're usually night and day different people, by the way. It's interesting how all these little cubs could come out of the same den and end up being different. Now, that's the majesty of how God created us, even identical twins, you know. They got the same DNA. They're genetically the same person, but God gave them what? Different fingerprints. Why?
To help the FBI. Or was this God's way of saying, you are my son, you are my daughter, you are different than everybody else? Well, I grew up in a family zoo. I had a sister, Sally, who was perfect. I had my brother, Jack, who was John Jr., retired clinical psychologist, by the way, OK, captain of the football team, voted best looking, and all those stupid things they used to do years ago. Then there was me. Now, in your family, you learned lies about yourself, just like Kevin Lehman did. And the lie that I told myself was the successful ones in the Lehman family was sister Sally and brother Jack. And see, you are influenced. You are a product of the environment that you grew up in. And some of you women, by the way, had daddies who didn't affirm you, who didn't love you. In fact, some of you women had daddies who abused you or an uncle or a brother.
You've never quite gotten over that yet. And one of your real struggles in life is identifying with a loving Heavenly Father. And you go out of your way to sabotage yourself, to put yourself down. That's why some of you today are procrastinators and don't realize it. You come to your office, I'll see the piles on your desk. And yet if someone comes in and asks you to find something in those piles, you know exactly which pile to look in, because there's order within the disorder. And one of the reasons why you don't complete things and you're a procrastinator and you go through life like this so timidly is you're afraid you're going to be criticized or you're going to fail. And see, that comes from the critical eye of the parent that you grew up with.
And aren't you glad you worship a God of grace today who doesn't have that critical eye, who sees you as this imperfect little person? Lots of times I use the example in churches all the time about parents and grandparents who have pictures on the refrigerator that little kids did. By the way, how many of you have pictures little kids drew on the refrigerator right now? See what I mean?
They're there. Now here's the question. Are the pictures any good? And when one grandma says good, I would think they're downright precious. My little son, my old grandson Timothy drew that picture of that airplane right there for his Grammy.
Well, ma'am, I talked to Timothy and that's a dinosaur. Well, it's still precious. Well, see, that's how God sees you and me.
It's these little imperfect pictures that don't have everything all together, but guess what? He loves us anyway. Nothing separates you. Romans 8, 39, 28? That's right here. Somewhere in the book of Romans it says, Nothing separates you from the love of Christ.
Now there's something to put in your pocket today. That he loves you despite your stupidity. I mean, we are so stupid some days.
We're just dumber than mud on others. But you know, I look back at that life and I look at the private logic and see everybody has a private logic. I only count life when I'm perfect, when I'm right, when I'm the boss. Fill in the blank.
You fill in your blank. I only count life when I get people's attention. See, that was me as a kid.
When I go to New York and do those shows, as soon as I sit down on a chair, the anchor says, hey, Lehman, let me see your socks because I always wear wild socks. I look back at that and say, you know what, that's an aftermath of what I grew up with because the attention getters in our family in a positive way was sister and brother. And there's me. So I believe the lie, again, that they were the successful ones in life until I met Jesus. And see, and then he gave me that motivation to go on and do what I did in life. And so how many of you aren't reaching your potential because you tie into the lie that you're not good enough because of the things that happened to you in life? Do you see what I'm saying?
And none of this is rocket science, by the way. So, you know, we sing that song in a church, I Surrender All. You know, oh, Lord, now you've got my life, now let me be.
And that's how you live your life. That's not what God wants for you. He wants you to be victorious.
He wants you to win that national championship. And yet what I've learned is that little boy or little girl you once were, you still are. In that little book, The Way of the Wise, that comes out in February, I've got a chapter in there, Lord, You're the Potter and I'm the Clay.
But I do have a few suggestions. And see, there's the battle for each of us. Yeah, Lord, I want to, you know, I'm Yours, all 94%. I just want dominion over this little 6%.
And it's the 6% that we hold back on. If you want to know where your faith is, take a look at your checkbook. That will tell you an awful lot about where your heart is.
Just for fun, what everybody just do, just humor me for a second. Point at yourself, point at yourself, everybody. Now, I wasn't sure if you were pointing at your throat or your heart.
Okay, yeah, I'm looking around here. Yeah, do you see where we point? We point to our heart. My friend Chuck Swindoll went into a 7th grade boys Sunday school class. He asked this question to the boys. Boys, what's green and says ribbit? The kid said nothing. Come on, come on, give it to me.
What's green and says ribbit? And finally the kid says, well, I think it's a frog, but I'll say Jesus. And so many times in churches, you know, we just get these kids into all this road stuff. They've got to know. They've got to see it in your life.
They've got to go out on their own and learn what the Christian walk is all about. I want you to think about what you'd like to change in your life. Now, here's the kicker. You don't have to feel like changing.
You just have to start changing. You know, today, Sunday, NFL. You watch an NFL game today.
I guarantee this happens. Almost every play in the pros. Quarterback comes to the line of scrimmage like this. He's about to get the ball. He'll always look left, look right. He'll look over the defense.
Okay? Now, lots of times he'll say, uh-oh, I see what they're into. I'm going to change the play. Well, the NFL moves very quickly, just like college ball does. He doesn't have time to go back into the huddle and say, hey, fellas, listen, I was thinking about this. And that big sucker over there, that big 280-pound defensive end, I'm sick of him. I'm going to throw a little short pass over here, screen pass.
No, that's not how it works. So he comes to the, he says, I'm going to change the play. So instead of running into Brutus over here, I'm going to throw a little bubble pass over here on the left side. And he shouts out some numbers so everybody knows the play has changed. Now, do you increase the probability of success by doing that?
Yes, that's why they do it. But see, you're the quarterback in your life. Here's a social situation with your sister-in-law who has bad breath and you don't like her.
All right? And she's always giving you the cheap shot, you know? She's always just playing the one-upsmanship on you. And there she is again. And she gives you this stupid idea of how to do the salad differently than what you're doing. Now, you have a choice. What does old self do? Think about it, okay?
And you have this big blow-up and everybody goes unhappy at Thanksgiving, okay? Or we've got the new me who's going to do things differently. Wow. Wow.
What an awesome idea. I even allow you to think, you idiot, as you're smiling. But begin to behave differently.
Begin to behave differently. And in time, that fake smile will work its way down here to the heart. Point to yourself right here. See, that's where it has to happen.
That's where the interchange takes place. And so can you be a better person? Yeah, you can be a better person. Can you be a better Christian?
No, you really can't. Either love God with all your heart or you don't. In fact, His Holy Word says something downright profound. He says if you're lukewarm about me, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to spit you out of my life.
I just love that whole thing. You know, some of you are hung up on being perfect. Don't get hung up on being perfect. Just worship the perfect one. And the perfect one is Jesus. I always say trust God.
All others pay cash. But again, I would suggest to you that behavior change does not take long. Now, listen to this. I hate to read to you, but I'm going to read this quickly. The lady says, this is from the book, I Have a New Kid by Friday. And she says, dear Dr. Lehman, thanks for the seminars you taught last weekend in Dallas, Texas.
Thanks so much for the practical, easy-to-implement ideas. I put them into practice almost immediately. After the talk on Monday morning, I gathered up my three children, ages six, four, and three, and started home, which is about 30 minutes away. Since it was lunchtime, I decided to stop at McDonald's to eat. While waiting in line to order, my four-year-old started whining and tattling. I told her we were leaving as I walked toward the exit door without any food. All of my three lovely children started screaming, crying, jumping up and down, et cetera.
People were looking at us like we were a bunch of lunatics. I loaded them into the van and started home. They all continued screaming and crying, so I turned the radio on as loud as it would go. The oldest and youngest finally quieted down, but Emma, the four-year-old, continued to pitch a fit. When we arrived home, I didn't say a word, just picked up Emma out of the car, walked in the house, went straight to the back door. I put her outside and locked the door. She continued crying for another 10 or 15 minutes while I proceeded to fix lunch. Once she quieted down, I let her in to have lunch. And all three of my children behaved quite well the rest of the afternoon.
My husband and I attended the Monday night session as well. Emma used to be a good sleeper, but a switch was flipped when she turned two. And bedtime has been our battleground for two years. Now, notice, two years they're trying to get a kid to bed.
This is crazy. We tried just about everything we could think of to get her to go to sleep without a fight. Although we tried the isolation technique, it was usually paired with talking, a lecture, yelling, etc. As we listened to her screaming in her room that night after the session, I looked at my husband and said, I think I'm going to put her outside.
He replied with, I think I'll help you. She said, we went upstairs, and without saying a word, I pried Emma's fingers from her covers and carried her kicking and screaming down the back door. She began screaming, I want a spanking, I want a spanking, I want a spanking.
Don't put me outside. I set her down outside, closed the door and locked it. Within ten seconds, now listen to me, within ten seconds, okay, I heard three little knocks at the door followed by a very calm voice saying, Mommy, I stopped my crying. When I opened the door, she headed upstairs and we didn't hear a peep out of her the rest of the night.
Needless to say, my husband and I were amazed. Now, how long does it take to affect behavioral change in a kid's life? What did the parents do? They took action.
They were decisive. Those of you who have powerful little kids, do you remember taking them to preschool or taking them to kindergarten or Sunday school and, no, don't leave me, Mommy, and they're hanging on you, you know, you've got to peel them off like Velcro. Well, the longer you sit there and try to reassure your child everything is going to be okay, the more intense gets all the crying. Drop the little sucker off, leave, okay, just remember to pick him up, okay, don't forget. But, you know, once you leave, what does the teacher say?
Well, she was fine after you left. But, see, it's the decision you make, and you don't always have to feel like you're making that decision, but you know you have to make that decision. Some of you have struggled for years. You've sat in this church for years. Your parents have sat in this church for years. You were here when Pastor Virgil was here years ago, and yet you've never really turned your life over. You've got all the head knowledge in the world.
You know that one thing you did, lady, that one thing you did, young man, or old man, that you never confessed to anybody? That's what's keeping you from perfect peace with your Maker. You need to turn that over to God. Is He the God of the universe? Is He the one that spoke this universe into existence? Is He the one that knew to put that Earth's axis at exactly 23 and a half degrees?
Because one degree this way we'd fry and couldn't live, and one degree this way we'd freeze and couldn't live? Is who He says He is or not? If He is, then He can help you through the storm. We all get storms. The promise is through the storm. I am with you always, even to the end of time, the end of Earth.
You know, I love the accounts of Jesus where we see the humanness in Him. He's out in the sea. He's tired. He's in the boat. He's taking a few Z's. He's taking a little nap, and a storm comes up, and they wake Him up. They wake Him up.
I've got news for you. Jesus is ticked. He's honked. He's angry. Can't you see I'm sleeping? What is wrong with you?
What's the problem? Oh, storm, I got you. Back to sleep, He goes.
You've got to trust Him for all things. You're God. Thomas says, I'll believe it when I see the nail prints in His hand. What does Jesus say to Thomas? Come here, boys.
Take a look, big fella. For the person who believes and hasn't seen it, there's a believer. Those disciples, I've talked about this so many times.
I love them because they're dumb as mud. They didn't get it. After the time Jesus came out of the tomb, they're hovered behind closed doors.
I love this picture. They're hovering together. They're in fear of their very life because they were seen with Jesus, the one who just died on that cross. And all of a sudden, in their midst, Jesus in the flesh.
I'm telling you, they had the surprise of a lifetime. And they begin to put together in their minds what Jesus said. In three days, I'll build up this temple. Whoa. God is who He said He is. Why did He appear so many different times to so many people?
Five hundred at one time. But how many different times did He appear to the ladies and all these different people after that Easter morning? You know why I think so? Because He knows how difficult it is for some of us to believe. But that God who spoke this universe into existence is the God that we worship this morning. And whatever your storm in life is, friends, I don't care what it is. He is able, through His grace, to meet you where you're at today. Well, Lord, okay, I am Yours. I'm upping it to 98%.
It doesn't cut it. He's a jealous God. He wants all of your heart. And some of you, you've never forked that over to Him. But today would be a great day to come clean and just do it and see what He has in store for you. Because truly, He is an awesome God. He loves you and I as imperfect as we are.
That's something to be thankful for. What a heartfelt reminder from Dr. Kevin Lehman today on Focus on the Family, working from the content of his book Have a New You by Friday. John, I so appreciate Kevin's perspective, especially for the new year.
This is such a great time to start fresh and make a positive change in your life. And like Kevin said, don't get hung up on being perfect. Just worship the perfect one.
And you know what, John? If we are focusing on the Lord, especially by reading His word, the Bible, every day, we will pick up those character traits that will change our lives. I've seen research that indicates that interacting with the Scripture four times a week can make a life change. And of course, that could be reading the Bible or listening to it, going through Scripture on your phone. There are so many ways to be reminded of who God is and what He wants from us today. Yeah, and as we've said before, here at Focus on the Family, we want to give you that firm foundation of faith in Jesus Christ. That's job one.
And then help you with your marriage and your parenting challenges as well. But that faith is the most important thing. And here's some exciting news. We have survey numbers that show that in the last year, we've helped more than 800 people each and every day make the most important decision of their lives, committing or recommitting to Jesus as their Lord and Savior.
That's what we're all about. That's over 300,000 people in the last 12 months, and I'm thrilled with that number. And it's your financial support that makes it possible for us to have a dedicated staff to answer those calls and participate in those prayers. So please consider supporting Focus on the Family as we start a new year. We need your partnership. And if you can make a donation of any amount today, we'd like to send you a copy of Kevin Lehman's book, Have a New You, by Friday. It's got a lot of encouragement for you, or maybe for a friend, to get off to a great start this year. And of course, our staff here at Focus on the Family is having a great start to the year by having today off. But you can donate online and request Dr. Lehman's book when you follow the link in the episode notes, or give us a call next week.
It's 800-a-family. And be sure to check out the new and improved Focus on the Family app for your smartphone or tablet. It includes this broadcast, most of our radio programs, and our most popular podcasts as well. Lots of rich material on that app.
Download it today. Have a great weekend, and be sure to tune in on Monday. We'll hear from Wendy Speak and Gene Daley talking about overcoming dependency on food or other comforts and how to really refocus on your relationship with Jesus Christ.
On behalf of Jim Daley and the entire team, thanks for joining us for this Focus on the Family podcast. If I may, let me ask you to help us out, please. Take a moment and leave a rating and help others find us.
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