If you love Christian music, you'll enjoy Focus Live, a new station powered by Godcaster. Get the app today at focusonthefamily.com/slash podcasts. But their strengths drive us nuts, because too much of a good thing isn't a good thing. You know, so too much talking, would you just go away? You know, and if I would have been raised that way, I wouldn't be here on the radio with you today.
So we have to see that, oh, this is a strength to develop, not a problem to eliminate. And that's a powerful choice that parents have. That's Dr. Kathy Cook describing some practical ways you can nurture your child in the unique ways he or she is smart. You're going to want to stick around for the rest of the story as we continue an insightful conversation today on Focus on the Family with Jim Daly.
I'm John Fuller. We had a fascinating conversation last time with Dr. Kathy about her book, Eight Great Smarts. You probably fit a couple of them very dramatically, maybe one very specifically. And you'll just need to go back and listen to that.
If you didn't hear it, you can get the audio download from the website, or better yet, you can go to YouTube or the broadcast app. I mean, it's got everything there. You just go and you can listen to thousands of programs. But Kathy's will be there today, and you can listen to her last time and today. Yeah, and Dr.
Kathy Cook is always a favorite with our audience, Jim. She's a speaker, an author, researcher, podcaster, and she founded a great organization called Celebrate Kids. As you said, we're covering some of the content in her book, Eight Great Smarts. Stop by our website to get a copy. Dr.
Kathy, welcome back. Thank you. I'm so happy to be here. It's fun. Thank you for your support.
I enjoy talking with you because you love kids. Totally. I love kids. Kids are hilarious. They're so, first of all, I don't know if this is a smart Or not, but kids are so blunt.
True. They're just out there, right? You know, especially like things like different hair color, different skin color. They just say it. They don't have a filter like we do.
They haven't developed that yet. I don't know. I don't know. Sometimes you got to be right as a parent, right? Yes.
This is true. And then you start saying things like, we don't say that to people. Did you ever just that experience is so funny? Listen, we covered last time the word smart child, the picture smart child, the logic smart child. And it was good.
I think it really is good. And it's one of those concepts that you can really latch into. It's kind of like I mentioned last time, like Kevin Lehman with the birth order book. It may not fit 100%, but there are, it's like a spiritual kind of insight that somebody like you or Kevin Lehman or Gary Chapman, you just hit on it and it's right there. And once you expose it to the rest of us, we're going, oh my goodness, she's absolutely right.
I love that. I do think this is visible. You can see this and you can see it in yourself and you can see it in kids, which does make it really fun. How do we manage patients with children's spirits? Smarts when we don't align with that smart.
And I think that really does drive some parents a little. To impatience. Oh, totally understandable. It's not about us, it's about them. You know, you chose to have children or you chose to be a teacher.
So we love them well by letting them be who they are with boundaries, which are blessings when love is the goal.
So just, you know, if you have a word-smart kid, it doesn't mean to let them talk forever. There needs to be obedience, there needs to be blessings. But we offer input and instruction so that they can be smart with their smarts, not that they would have the smarts diminished in them. You know, so often as parents, we say to ourselves, I wish I could have a do-over. You know, especially when the kids are young and we lack patience to do the right thing, and you know, we get angry, we have an outburst.
Hopefully, that's it, and there's no physical issues or something like that. But in the normal parenting, how do we get ahead of that? I know so many people having children right now, it's awesome. And I'd love to be able to have them tip into this discussion. But as a parent, How do you not have those regrets?
How do you do it well the first time? I mean, what would you say to a 28-year-old young mom who's got a new child or maybe a three-year-old? Right. And, you know, how do I not make those mistakes? There's a big part of me that wants to say you will make those mistakes.
That's fair.
So it's how you respond to them that really matters. What do you concentrate on as a new parent to make sure that you minimize those mistakes? Patience. Raising the children you were given, not the children you wish you had. Oof.
Making sure that if you have a picture of my child, you ask about her vivid imagination and you spend a lot of money on paper and watercolor. Right. Really okay with that. And you'd be okay with that. What if they color the walls?
That's what I'm saying.
Well, then if so maybe you have, yeah, if they color the wall. Or maybe you do. This is your wall. Exactly. Yeah.
If your child can handle the fact that this is your wall, but this isn't your wall, let them color on the wall. It's just a wall. And you can paint it. And then you make the, but if it's disobedience, then the child, there's a consequence which would include that the child gets to repaint the wall.
So there is a consequence for the choice, but we expect them to be smart with their smarts. We honor who God's created them to be, and we want to give them opportunities to be successful.
So we do let them finger paint, but we do it outside, and they're wearing clothes that we don't care if they get messy. And that we believe in our believing that God was smart to make our children this way, and that it's our privileged responsibility to nurture them up in the way that they've been created to be. To believe that your picture smart children will be, you know, art teachers or historians or great Bible scholars because they can see it come alive in their mind and they teach with such vivid language that everybody in their church is like, Like, that was the best message ever. Like, believe that God's done something powerful for your kids and don't get in the way. And if you're in the way, apologize, ask to be forgiven.
Get yourself some help. Know who you are. Celebrate that. Don't lust after somebody else's smarts. I could go on and on.
Yeah, no, it's good. This is why I wrote the book, you know, to give people hope that they can get it right because it's complicated. Kids are complex. This is a little tongue-in-cheek, but it's actually true. When our boys were young, I mean, they were out on the sidewalk painting with chalk.
Guess who came to pay a visit? The HOA president. Oh my goodness. We don't allow chalk painting. No, my kids are like five and three.
That's right. That's going to be totally wrong.
So anyway, but I'm sure a few people are going, yep, that's my HOA too. But, you know, roll with the punches. Find a way to let your kids express themselves appropriately. Right. And this is our chance for us to say, no, we will obey our rulers.
You know, that's biblical. Yeah, that's a great way to hit. And then we find the backyard cement, you know, where they can't be seen. Or a lab bucket. Or we go to the park to swing on the swing set, but we take our bucket of sidewalk chalk and we leave really cool messages on the sidewalk.
God loves you. Oh, that's good. And have you noticed the daisies in the corner? I mean, and then the next kids who come get blessed by that. For the new listeners today and viewers, let's hit the eight just topically.
Just let's hit them and then we'll pick up descriptions on the latter end.
Okay, and everybody has the capacity for all eight. I want to say that because God's a generous God.
So word smart people think with words. Logic smart people think with questions. Picture smart people think with their eyes with visuals. Music smart people think with rhythms and melodies. Body smart people with movement and touch.
Nature smart people with patterns. People, smart people with other people, and self-smart people think deeply inside of themselves with reflection. This is going to be good. I'm looking forward to covering hopefully all of them if we can, but certainly most of them. Music smart.
You mentioned that one. I am not music smart. Man, I am like tone deaf. Yeah. I don't have it.
And that's okay. It's okay to say that that's number seven or eight for me if I were to make a list because to think that we have all eight to the max would be arrogant and that's not appropriate. But those of us who do have music smart brain cells, we think with rhythms and melodies. We make music when we're excited.
So we whistle toe-tap, bebop, and we might choose a church for the quality of the worship. And we might spend a lot of our free time and our money on music. And these are kids who will go to the nursery when they're two and they'll find the Glockenspiel. Those are kids asking for piano lessons when they're six. Oh, wow.
So you can look at what do they enjoy in their free time, and that's going to show you maybe what they're going to grow up and become. I remember Troy and I, I only went to his piano lesson once, and it was like eight weeks in.
So the piano instructor says, let's play the key of G. If you don't know where it's at, ask your parent. No.
So I'm sitting on the bench with him, and Troy's looking at me like, where's G? I'm going. Troy, I'm so sorry. I haven't a clue.
So I had to wave to the teacher and have her come over. I felt like, stupid. I am so sorry again. She didn't need to do that to you.
Well, no, but I needed somebody to tell them where G was.
Well, anyway. But I mean, that's part of it.
So I, you know, it's hard for me, again, as a parent to think that my child could be music smart. I d it's so out of my orbit, I'm not even sure how to. How do I relate to that? I appreciate you bringing that up because there is research that suggests that the earlier the smarts are awakened, the greater the likelihood of their strength for a lifetime.
So, normally it would be that the parent would be modeling something that the child would want to become.
So, my parents were both music smart, so Dave and I developed music smart ability early on in our lives. In your case, you're right. Like, you didn't model that for your son, so it's surprising to you. But I think if you don't give a kid piano lessons, you won't know that God created that kid to be music smart. Again, created in God's image, not ours.
It's 100% wired into us by God and nurtured. Into children by God's people.
So God's in charge of all of it, whether it's through the DNA, if you will, the creative intent God has when He makes us us, and then the experiences. Like you could take a kid to a concert, and they could be like, I want to play the piano, Dad, that was the most amazing thing I've ever heard. And then he's ate and you start piano lessons because he went to the symphony and he heard this guy on this big, black, massive piano go crazy nuts. And your kid is like, That was the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Interesting.
I read some brain research that said before six years old, you develop tone ability, tonal ability, and foreign language. If you're exposed before like age six, you'll be you'll pick up foreign languages quicker. Isn't that interesting? Yeah, the brain is amazing. Yeah.
All right, body smart.
Now, you can make so much fun of this one, right? I mean, what is a body smart smart? Oh, come on. These are the movers. Hey, look at this.
Look at my biceps.
Well, your body's smart, Jim, in that you talk with your hands, and I've watched you lean back. And lean forward. I talk with my hands. If I put my hands in my pocket, they'll be there for like 10 seconds when I'm giving a speech. But body smart people think with movement and touch.
We might be athletic. We might be in drama. We can make our whole body look angry, even though we're not. We can pour a glass of milk and not spill. We are the surgeons who will get the body back together, right?
The chiropractor who keeps the person's body on the table. You know, the drummer versus the flute player.
So, like, dexterity players. Dexterity would be part of it. And yeah, we turn every chair into rocking chairs. If you're raising a body smart kid, buy him a clipboard and let him study his spelling words walking in the backyard. Let him swing on the swing set when he's memorizing him home.
And that body smartness, if you will, is going to enhance the ability to learn. It seems foreign to us because it might not work for us. But again, it might be the kid that you were given. You know, in that context, there's been a lot of many, many articles talking about over-prescription on AD, HD, ADD. I would think this plays into that.
Body smart people can be very active. And irritating, if I could say it that way.
So, parents, from what I understand from the literature, a lot of parents are over-prescribing with their physicians. Things to control body expression. How do you feel about that? Can I be brave here? Yeah.
I think in many cases we are medicating out of children the greatest channel God's given them through which they can embrace life. What a beautiful way to look at that. But again, it requires patience on the parents' part. And, you know, the proper diagnosis, the proper pediatrician, the proper exam of food and food dyes and sleep patterns and all kinds of things. If children have been gifted by God to be body smart, you'll know it early on.
And they need, as everyone else does, we talked about it in the last episode, self-control, self-respect, and respect for others. I teach children that even if you're the most body smart kid in the class, you're not allowed to move if it makes it hard for the teacher to teach and hard for the other students to learn. You can choose to control yourself.
So I read about this in the book, A Child Who Drums Their Fingers on the Table, which is a combination of maybe music smart and body smart, and they like it. It actually calms them down. It might give them energy, but it's bothering to everybody else. You can teach that child to take their fingers and do it on their thigh under the desk. And I'll say to kids: it's not as satisfying because it doesn't make noise.
But it's not about you being happy all the time. It's about you learning to live in community, and you need to do that. And by the way, guys, learning to live in community starts in the family.
So it's not a question, like for our listeners, it's not a question of how do I get that to stop? Like, stop it, stop it, stop it. It's how do I redirect all that energy to something less offensive? And that's doable. But again, it takes instruction, not punishment.
And it takes compassion and empathy. And love and a choice. Yeah. And I love your emphasis on patients. Absolutely.
Dr. Kathy, what does it look like to be nature smart? This one I'm a little lost on as well. These kids think with patterns, and so do the adults. They know that it's not a blue jay, it's a blue bird because they remember whether blue goes on the body or the wing of the bird.
They might know the names of the clouds. You know, I travel every week on an airplane. You'd think I'd know the names of the clouds. I don't. I'm not terribly nature smart, although I'm word smart.
My vocabulary for nature is weaker. Nature-smart kids would rather be outdoors than indoors. They'll do better in biology than they will in chemistry. They'll do better in earth science than they will in physics. They want to sit outside at a restaurant.
They love to get dirty. They dig in the dirt and they'll run the pet store at the mall and they'll be dog walkers when they're 14, earning money for church camp in the summer. Yeah, I hadn't even thought about it in terms of those patterns that we see and watching snowflakes. Exactly. Yeah, the nature-smart kid looks out the window and is distracted by that and talks.
To the dog more than they talk to the mom. Yeah. What are some ways, then, Dr. Kathy, that we can foster that child who just longs to be outdoors? And maybe my lifestyle right now and ours as a family doesn't allow for so much time outdoors.
I appreciate that question. Maybe we're living in an apartment and it's not safe to be out at a park. But you can go to the park as a family. You can walk through a botanical garden for free in most cities. You can go to a garden shop and buy a tulip or a geranium and plant it and it's on the windowsill of your child's bedroom.
And you could ask for a Zoom membership for Christmas rather than another toy that a week later they'll forget they have in the closet.
So, and I think, again, we can do this. I love your question, John, because we're born with the capacity for all eight, but they do have to be awakened. And it's the activities and the games and the books and the conversations that will do that. Yeah, yeah, my wife is definitely a nature-smart person. I like the outdoors, but we spent so many summers camping to the point where at one point, one of our daughters said, Do we have?
To do this again, I'm so tired of camping. And I think what I hear you saying is give them opportunities and you'll find out. Yes. Do they gravitate toward that or not? If we never give them the opportunity for camping or piano lessons, we won't know and they won't know where their gifts might lie.
This idea of people smart, that's intriguing to me. I would assume that would be things like they can read a room pretty quickly. They know the people. They see behind the eyes of that person. Children actually have that capacity?
Oh, yes, sir. And this, I think, this is the most important smart because it's how they know who is safe for them. They can walk into a room and go, I'm going to sit there. And then, oh, I'm going to avoid that person. These are the kids who, you know, your sons, when they were young, they walked up to you and they wanted you to say yes, but you had no written all over your face, so they turned away.
And then you're like, Can I help you? And the kid is like, No. And you're like, I have time now. And the kid is like, I don't care, you know, because I want a yes.
So it's a really, really important skill. It's been awakened later because of the pandemic and masking and eyes down on devices. And we don't ask our kids to look up and say, please and thank you. Let's go a little slower on that because this is critical. I mean, what you're saying is that the years of COVID muted that ability to develop people smarts.
It's a great verb that you use there. Right. It's never too late, but we have to understand that we have children from a certain age group, you know, five to ten years old now, maybe, that were raised in that, and we need to help them. And we need to get. Their eyes off of their devices so that they can look up and go, oh, that person's happy, that person's sad, that person's mad.
Otherwise, again, they won't know who's for them. And the other thing that's so powerful about being people smart, and you two gentlemen, are so good at this, it is interacting with people to develop truth. It's collaborating, networking. These are kids who can debate without arguing, they can persuade and convince without bullying. This is a very, very important skill we want, and we want our kids to be able to, as an example, talk about Jesus Christ without making people mad.
And that's people smart. I would teach it early and I would teach it often. No, that's really good. How do you, and I want to make sure we hear this clearly, in teaching a people smart child. Not to manipulate.
Because you kind of put the dark end of this is their ability to manipulate is quite. Quite high versus the ability to use their people smart for good. Right again, just talk about it in that context. And then for the parent who's now troubled, that they can outsmart the parent. Oh, definitely.
Yeah, that's their very unfortunate. Yeah, but to speak to that whole thing. Yeah, all of the eight have a dark side, which I do write about in the book. Yeah, people smart kids can manipulate. I've asked children and young adults, how many of you can get your mom to say yes when she should have said no?
All the hands go up. At least 80%, and then they laugh. And then I say, don't ever be proud again of doing something you shouldn't have done that you can do. And I can do that as the outside stranger, you know, but so can the mom. The mom can say, now that they're listening to this broadcast, the mom and the dad can say, hey, we're going to listen to this together.
I want you to hear from the expert. And we're going to train you to use your ability for good and not evil.
So you can be full of grace more readily than somebody else. But we're not going to let you manipulate anymore.
So this is where the mom stands up for herself and has respect and says to the child, uh-uh, we're not going there. I said no. already answered Go to bed. And I'm not again, that's a whole nother episode, but we can do that. And we can make sure that our kids know that you have a talent and a gift that God's chosen for you.
Praise God. Don't use it the way you're using it.
Okay, last, we did get through these. I'm amazed. Yeah, self-smart, which I do want to just pause on this one, because it's really intriguing to me. I think it's a little less clear than the self-smart one. What does that world look like for the self-smart child?
Although it's last, it's not least important. Like, just something has to be last, right?
So self-smart people think deeply inside of themselves. They've never heard an easy question. Even what do you want for lunch?
Well, I saw that mom has ham in there, but I had it yesterday. I don't know. I wonder what we're having for dinner. That might help me decide. Seriously, every question can require a complex analysis, and it needs to feel right.
So they need patience. And you know what they tell me, Jim? They tell me they're slow. These are the children who tell me they're stupid. Oh, interesting.
Because they're stupid. But they're thinking deeply. They're thinking deeply.
So it's quite opposite. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. And it's so interesting.
They need quiet. peace, privacy, and space. and many of them tell me but I share a bedroom. And my dad looks under the mattress, and my mom empties the backpack. I'm like, they should, your kid, you know.
But let them go out on the porch swing and think something through. If you do family devotions, start it out and share the message for the night and share your worship song and pray, and then give them all a question and let everybody in the family separate for four minutes. You can go to wherever you want, as long as you are within the sound of the bell. And when the bell rings, come back. Everybody will benefit from that, but the self-smart kids are like, oh, cool.
Because now they can think without you staring at them while they're thinking, which drives them absolutely nuts.
So peace, quiet, privacy space to encourage them to know that you're not slow, you're a deep thinker. It'll change them. And understand the thing that's hard, Jim. A lot of self-smart people, their joy is knowing. And so they're not likely to share with the church, the community, the school, or the mom and dad what they know, which is sad because they tend to know very, very good things.
And we must encourage them to share. Yeah, that's so good. I hope that makes sense. It does. It does.
I'm just thinking about that because I think. I have one who is that. In terms of the bent, I mean, like you said, you're all of this, but what sprouts out is a tendency or a more predictable pattern, right? I'm thinking of Lee Strubble, who we had on the broadcast, the author of Case for Christ. He was an atheist, journalist, and he encouraged me to ask the boys a question and the listeners to ask their teen 20-somethings a question.
And it was If Jesus had to answer a question. Immediately, what question would you ask him?
So it does a lot the way you frame that. It's an immediacy thing, it kind of boils it down to what is the question you would ask God, right? And so I was having lunch with Trent and Troy, and I asked this, and it's so funny because their bins came out. Oh, I love it. You know, Trent, the biochemistry guy, and I said it to him, and Trent says, Give me 20 minutes and I'll have an answer.
I mean, I'm talking to like on the mark at 20 minutes. He goes, Okay, I've got my answer. Oh, okay, well, so cool. And he goes, I'd like to know. What element are we missing that's right in front of us?
that God used to create the universe. Wow, okay, that's good. And Troy immediately said. I'd ask them why we suffer. And this is my scientist and my philosopher theologian.
That's so good. You know, I would encourage parents to do that because I think it fits here, Kathy, with your information. I think it gives you an insight into where your kids are. Yes, it's excellent. And, you know, at age-appropriate levels, but I think it's wonderful.
It starts moving you in that direction. Let me ask you this right at the end here. It's been wonderful, as always, to have you on. Always good energy. And, you know, I'm hopeful the parents listening are benefiting and going, aha, oh, writing a note on your phone.
Got to talk to my husband tonight about that one. Love it. But right at the end, we've spent the last two days exploring the different ways we're smart. And this applies to us too as parents. Yes.
Know thyself, right? Yes. What are some things you hope our audience takes away from this conversation? Oh, I appreciate that. Additional belief that God has been good to them to make them how He's made them and that their children were.
strategically and intentionally created to be who they are. for his glory and for this family. We are imperfectly perfect for each other and we need to walk in that reality. I hope that there are adults who have realized that maybe they've not stretched themselves in ways that they could. I know of people who hear me speak and go back to college because they realize that they can do something that they've always wanted to do but thought they couldn't.
Absolutely. Because if you're not terribly word and logic, you don't think you're designed for school, but you absolutely are. Plus you do have word and logic. You just have to choose to go there.
So maybe we've encouraged people to not look down on themselves, but to realize that they're smart too. Because you know what, guys, smart is a power word. It's a good word. When we think we're smart, we study. If you don't think you're smart, you don't bother studying because you don't think it'll help.
So it's just fascinating.
So I pray for very, very strong encouragement, and I pray that there'll be practical Conversations that people will choose to have, as you've directed us beautifully to have. Yeah, and it's such an amazing thing that God invites us in to be part of the gospel. Oh, such a privilege, right? We have to be there. We're that part of the ingredient.
And then the Holy Spirit comes with His ingredient, and the Lord moves, you know? But it takes that care. Of an adult or a person in someone's life to make a difference.
Well, Dr. Kathy has been good. I'm so grateful to be here, guys. Thank you so much. Always good wisdom and insights from you.
And your wonderful book, Eight Great Smarts, Discover and Nurture Your Child's Intelligences. Not one, but some part of all eight. And you can get a copy of this great book. Be in ministry with us. Man, mend a marriage.
Help a parent do a better job. Save a baby's life. That happens each and every day here at Focus. And we can make it fun. You get a great resource.
If you do that monthly, that helps us tremendously, a one-time gift as well. But we'll send you Kathy's book as our way of saying, thank you for being part of the ministry and helping others. It really is a resource that will revolutionize your approach to identity and intelligence. It's that good. And we're so thankful for friends like you who support the ministry.
Our research shows that over the last 12 months, our joint efforts together have helped more than 80,000 parents. Work through a significant crisis in their parenting. That's a huge impact for families, right? Wow. 80,000 people just in the past year helping them through that marital crisis.
Yeah, that's generational impact, and that's all because folks come alongside and support us, pray for this ministry. And that's why we're inviting you today to donate generously. Our number is 800, the letter A in the word family, or donate and get Dr. Kathy's book, Eight Great Smarts, when you stop by focusonthefamily.com/slash broadcast. And when you get in touch, ask about our age and stage emails.
This is a great thing. I mean, Dr. Kathy, so what we did finally is create a mechanism in which parents can sign their kids up by birthday on the website, and we send information every week about parenting tips for the two-year-old or the five-year-old, all the way up to 18. I love it. I've done some of the videos.
Yeah, I think it's a brilliant idea. Contributed. And man, I'm excited about it. We have about 200,000 people that are in it. Fabulous.
And I want millions of parents to be able to tap that information. It's absolutely free. Just sign up and we'll send you that every week. Yeah, you'll find all the details about our free Age and Stage E newsletter at the website. And you can also get your copy of Dr.
Kathy's terrific book, Eight Great Smarts. You'll find the link in the show notes. On behalf of the entire team, thanks for joining us today for Focus on the Family with Jim Daly. I'm John Fuller inviting you back as we once again help you and your family thrive in Christ. If you love Christian music, you'll enjoy Focus Live, a new station powered by Godcaster.
Get the app today at focusonthefamily.com/slash podcasts.
