Hey all, on this season of Mr. Stillman's Opus, I'm spending some time interviewing my clients here at Rosewood Wealth Management. Over the years, I've had the chance to work with a lot of different people and a lot of them have really interesting stories to tell. Maybe they have a really neat job, maybe they've accomplished something very impressive, or maybe they've just had things happen to them in life, good or bad, that make for interesting stories. Today I'm talking with Tim Williams as he shares his story of meeting the little sister that he never knew he had after his parents divorced and went their separate ways when he was a toddler and then his mom ended up pregnant shortly after that.
His baby sister ended up being put up for adoption and he never knew she existed until recently. Here's my conversation with Tim. So all this started basically when some lady reached out to your cousin and said, hey, I might be a DNA match with your family.
So walk me through how that all unfolded. Well, I have a cousin who does a lot more on Facebook than I do and got a call from her one afternoon and she said she'd like to come over. She had some information that she'd like to share with me and she never really comes over that way to call me to tell her, you know, they stopped by. So she stopped by and she sat down on the couch and said she had something she wanted to share with me and I said, okay, what's up? And she starts to cry and I'm like, hmm, what's going on here? And so she says, I can't really tell you. I'm just going to give you the email that I got. So she sends me an email and it has a lady's name in there from Home Society and has some information on it and I get to reading it.
Home Society is what? It was basically a place that you can give up a child once it's born and they for adoption and they're an agency that did that back in the 60s and they may still do that today. But the information in there, I got to reading it because she just sent me an email and it was, I couldn't quite figure out what was going on. Then I get to read more and I see that the birth mother, a lot of the information there starts hitting home, you know, it's hitting home as in, well, that birth mother is my mom.
Exactly. And it had stuff to the point that it said that her father died at 39 years old in a farming accident. Well, my grandfather died at 39 years old in a farming accident.
He had a tractor turnover on him. So, and then she had three siblings. And when I get to reading about the siblings, they all are matching up with my aunts and uncles. So this is all when, when this girl, now this lady had been surrendered to the home society. The mother who surrendered her had provided some back family background information that I guess she hadn't had access to until recently.
Yes. Evidently when you go in, you have to, they want information about your health and some information about your family, I guess, to just make sure that if there's any kind of underlying conditions or something, they know something about that. They don't surrender that from talking to who this lady was, my sister. It's very hard to get that information. It's not easy, especially in North Carolina. They try to protect that just for everybody's sake.
And so you're limited on what you can get. And this was just sort of a general information and why she did that. Her adopted mother had just passed away from ovarian cancer and it sort of got her thinking, you know, man, I don't really know what my history is. You know, maybe I need to research this. And her father was, her adopted father was all in agreeance to doing that. Sure.
You know, you definitely need to do that. And so she went from there. And at that point, that's where she went to the DNA resources at that time, which were several different ones, ancestry.
And then there's one, one, two, three. I think she used them all. So just to be sure I'm understanding the timeline, she realizes, okay, I need to check out my medical history. Then she did the ancestry and then she like gets the whatever she can from the home society about the family history that leads her then to your cousin. I guess she found your cousin on Facebook. And then your cousin reaches out to you. Okay. So from here, your cousin's crying in the living room because you might have a cousin or a sister. So then you do what? Well, at that point, I read this information and I'm saying, you know, this, this is adding up.
I mean, I'm seeing stuff here that makes sense to me. And, you know, for my grandfather, his age and everything. But then there's one glaring thing of this would be a sister that's younger than me. How could my mom have had a kid that I didn't know about after I was born?
Exactly. And so when my cousin came over, she brought my aunt, which is my mom's sister, and they're very close in age and they until my mom had passed away at this point, unfortunately. And so the sister was the immediate information file at this point. So when I got this and read it, I looked at it, I looked up at her and I said, Jane, was my mom pregnant at this time? And she said, yes, she was. And you would have been how old at this when your mom was pregnant?
I was in that three to four. You know, I was at this time when she was initially pregnant, I'd have been three years old and I turned four right before my sister was born. So your parents had gotten divorced when you were a baby, I guess. Okay. And so then mom gets pregnant. You're too young to understand what's going on. Exactly.
She puts the baby up for adoption. You're none the wiser until 50 some years later. Correct. Actually. Yeah. About 60 years later.
Yeah. And you know, I had not really talked to my sister initially at that point either. So, you know, I had a lot of feelings about that because first of all, a lot of strong feelings, you know, you have a sister you never knew about. And now I have, I don't have a lot of family, you know, except for my mom's side, because the divorce was a, not a smooth divorce.
And so as a child, I was kept away from my birth father's family quite a bit. I didn't know them that way. I do know them.
I mean, I've reached out over the years, but, and he's passed away. So to find that out is a big thing. But I still had questions, you know, you still, because this person, it's a lot of things they're adding up. But then when she cemented sort of that she was pregnant, then the first thing she's having, you know, she can't, she says, she can't remember, you know, people sometimes back in that day, they, things were a lot different than they are now. You know, people don't, don't talk about that. You know, it was like a taboo thing.
You know, you didn't do things out of wedlock and it was a shameful thing for your family if things like that happened. And so it was kept quiet and it was really kept quiet because nobody's ever mentioned it to me. And so I was asking her a lot of questions. She said, well, I can't really remember exactly that because I just can't remember. And so I did reach out after that point and I did talk to my sister and she, we had a lot of catching up to do. We talked for maybe three hours. Sixty years of catching up.
Yeah, maybe three and a half hours on the phone. And what's her name? Catherine, but she goes by Kathy. And she's where now? She's in Aiken, South Carolina. She, she was adopted and the family lived in Roanoke Rapids at the time.
And then they moved a few times, moved to Charlotte, but her adopted father or father really, I mean, he's her father. And my number one question for her was how was that? You know, cause I grew up and I had a, I had a good life, you know, growing up and I didn't want that to be a bad situation for her. But she had a good adopted family, worked out well for her. And they were great and she grew up and she had a great life and so everything worked out good.
But, and she's very, you know, she, she had no problems with that. She just wanted to find out, you know, just like everybody would in that case, you, you know, you want to find out things. And she's very, she said she was very thankful that my mom went through the pregnancy because, you know, it was a time that it was tough to do. And you sort of tried to hide that from people, you know, so, but anyway, we talked and then, Yeah, well, so when you, you find out you have a sister you didn't know about 60 years later, what do you talk about?
I mean, what do you talk about in that three hours? Well, we, we talked a lot about things that each other did and how she progressed and, you know, the family she grew up with and some of the things that she has that I have. It's really weird that a lot of the things that you have in common, you know, the little things that you do, like I don't have, you know, my wife's always picked on me for years about not having an upper lip, you know, I don't have an upper lip. So I ask her about that. And yeah, she has that in common. And, you know, the, a lot of the genetic things that you would expect are in common and also sort of just her process and, and, you know, her life and how things happen and that, you know, things were good for her. That's what I wanted to know, you know, if it hadn't have been, that would have been tough, been really tough. But, but it wasn't, you know, and so we talked about, and she's a school teacher and she went to Presbyterian and a few things we probably talked about that probably shouldn't say on here, but from this area, but anyway, we, we had a lot of, a lot of the things that we have that we think about were exactly the same.
You know, that was really weird. You know, I will say politically, we were in agreeance and that was one thing because, you know, in this climate you're like, Oh my God, you know, you didn't even bring that up. But anyway, and then the other things were, was she was not sure. One thing we talked about, she was not sure about her birth day. You know, she got information, but you don't really get a birth certificate. So I guess it was something she wondered about because her family, which was pretty cool, they always had her special day of when she was actually adopted. Yeah.
I've heard a lot of adoptive families where they call it like their coming home day. Yeah. That's really what they celebrate instead of the birthday.
Yeah. And that's how she did it. And she always had her special day. And, um, which happens, what is really weird, which happens to be on the same time a day as my wife's birthday. So it's a lot of weird things that happened in there like that. And then a guy that my wife went to school with is her cousin by her adoptive family.
And so it's like, wow. You know, and, and, and my wife and him knew each other very well. You know, it was like, but so you see all these little things that you've touched so close before, but you never, you know, never, the puzzle pieces never came together. So, and so she was asking about that, you know, she said, well, yeah, and I've always wondered about, so she has a lot of questions, you know, she said, well, what was mom like, you know, I don't, you know, so we spent, uh, quite a bit of time talking about that. And, uh, and then you were able to help her figure out what the birthday was, right?
Because your uncle had some memories of that. Yeah. So, uh, what my next step was, I wanted to help her out with as much stuff as she had questions about. And, um, and then my family had, uh, some questions too that got answered because people knew that, I mean, in my family who'd never said anything to me about it, but knew she was adopted, but never knew any more of what happened after that point, you know, sort of like a separation at that point. So, but anyway, so the, the birthday was one thing that came to mind and, and, uh, so I have, uh, an uncle who, uh, he's pretty sharp and this would be your mom's brother. Correct. My mom's brother.
Yes. And, um, cause, uh, basically in discussing this and finding out a little bit more, doing a little bit of detective work on my, myself, my, um, father who had, she had divorced, his family knew nothing about the whole thing. I mean, they'd heard things, you know, but it was always like, she hid it pretty well from them. And so, um, they didn't know a lot of details about it, but, uh, but anyway, so one afternoon I go over to my uncle's and I asked him, I said, I got a question for you. I found out something, um, and I had gotten some results back from, uh, I sent in for a ancestry and I'd got back and, you know, we, we were definite that, you know, it was, uh, we had the same mother, you know, and, uh, I said, but I found out some information that, um, I have a sister and I was wondering what you knew about that. And he said, Hmm. He said, yeah.
So I knew about that. And I said, well, I said, I know if I ever have a secret that I want to keep, I can tell this family because, uh, I said, for 60 years, y'all hadn't been able to bring this up. And, uh, he said, well, you know, your mom didn't want it, uh, told. And she said, if she wanted you to know that she was wanting to be the one to tell you.
So we kept it that way. And, uh, so I said, well, I don't have a problem with that. I said, I was just, you know, um, got a couple of questions. I said, one thing, my sister really doesn't have a solid date on her birthday, but she got some paperwork that it was, uh, a certain day.
And I was wondering if you knew what that was. And he said, sure, I know exactly what it was. And I said, well, how, you know, I was a little confused because I wasn't sure how he would remember something like that. And he said, well, such a specific date for something that he probably hasn't thought about in decades.
Yes, exactly. So I was sort of curious and he says, well, uh, it was January 19th, 1963. And on this paperwork that I have, it says she was born on January 19th, 1963. And I said, well, how in the world do you remember that? Or how do you know that? And he said, well, he looked at his wife and he says, because me and we were, uh, Sandra were married on that day. And I said, you got to be kidding me. So here was another thing that pops up that's in the story. You know, that just blows your mind. Your mom couldn't go to her brother's wedding cause she's having a baby. That's right.
Exactly. So it was the one thing he'd never forget, you know, and she was very apologetic later on, um, about that. But yeah, she had had to go to deliver my sister. So, so he is a day he, you know, they were married and a day he won't ever forget. So, so that solidified the date for the, uh, for her birthday.
So we now celebrate her birthday and her special day. So, so what's your relationship like now? I mean, you've, you've known her now for how long? About a year and a half now.
It was around April of last year. So, um, yeah, we're looking about a year and a half. So you talk occasionally, you've gotten together at least once, right?
Yep. Uh, it took a little while for us to get together, but it's a long drive and, uh, it was, um, it's been a couple of things that have happened in the meanwhile that, you know, we were going to do it and couldn't do it. Her, her, actually her, um, adoptive father passed away and I was really torn on, uh, what to do. I really wanted to go down, but my wife and we discussed this later, but my wife was saying, you know, well, you know, the first time you met and doing that, I know you like to go and be supportive, but you know, she's going to be so busy and, you know, it's just a very tough time for her.
It may not be good, you know, to, to try to do that. So I didn't, but anyway, um, we ended up, uh, took a little while and we ended up talking on the phone a lot. I mean, we, yeah, we're, you know, uh, have just like the old, um, Forrest Gump, it's been like, uh, peas and carrots, you know, we, we fell in the place really quick. It was very easy to talk and she's a great person, very great person.
And, um, so it's worked out very good. So we, we finally, um, met in, uh, I want to say May, which was close to her special day, uh, at the beach. Cause we met there at Aiken and, uh, we met at North Myrtle Beach, which was another part of the story that's really weird. She's a big shagger, loves beach music. Our mom was a big shagger, loved beach music. She has a brick down on the boardwalk down there and, um, stuff like, you know, she was into that. So, you know, they always went down to the same place, North Myrtle Beach, they stayed real close to us. So we, you know, we're not even bumped into each other before, you know, but never knew it. So that was interesting. But anyway, we met down there and met and, um, had a big time and with the virus and things hitting, we just really haven't had a chance to, to really get back together or, or the rest of the family meet, you know, but that's, that's planned.
We just hadn't been able to do it. From her end. I mean, do you think, it sounds like she doesn't harbor any ill will toward your mom. It sounds like she's grateful that she was born and, you know, given to a family that would take good care of her. Yes. As best you can tell, there's no like resentment toward you or your family.
No, no. Uh, uh, you know, you wonder about those things, but she was, uh, really wanting to find out information and, you know, she, uh, is more so I think thankful that, you know, at that point, you know, my mom was, was young. It was in the, you know, the sixties. Um, a lot of times families, um, you know, it was a, you know, why she hit it.
Uh, it was a, you know, not a everyday thing then. And so she, um, I think she's very thankful that my mom went through the whole pregnancy. You know, you have to go through that. And, uh, we've even talked about that. It got brought up to somebody that, you know, maybe that's why we have such a, uh, still a connection because I was older and I was around her all the time. Then, you know, I may have been, you know, she probably heard my voice a lot, you know, so it's, uh, there's something to think about, but well, it's amazing to me.
And I guess this just goes, goes to show how much, um, you're influenced by what your parents tell you. Because I think of, you know, my son is four now. And if Molly had been having a baby a year ago, like he would have obviously known that her belly was big and she was pregnant. And so on one hand, it's crazy to me that you at that age were completely oblivious to the fact that your mom was pregnant. But I think that just goes to show, like, if mom doesn't talk about it, if she doesn't mention it, a four year old isn't going to pick up on it.
No. Uh, and I have, you know, I was the same way with that question. And, um, she asked me if I remembered it, but I don't, I don't remember anything about it. Um, and I've asked other people who, uh, were around my mother at that time and her sister. And they said that she hid it really well. I mean, she wore things that, you know, maybe she like, she picked up a little weight and things like that, but she didn't gain a lot of weight with the pregnancy. So it was, um, not noticeable.
I mean, people knew, but you know, close in the community, but if you just saw her somewhere, they, you know, it's hard for me to believe too, but they just said that you wouldn't really notice. My thanks to Tim for sharing his story and some of his family history. It seems that life worked out for Tim's mom and his long lost sister about as well as it could have considering the circumstances, which wasn't always the case in similar circumstances in the fifties and sixties.
I haven't read it, but there's a book called The Girls Who Went Away that tells the stories of young women who accidentally got pregnant and were sent away from home by their families until they had the baby and were forced to give it up for adoption, even if they didn't necessarily want to, but they had to do that before they could come back home. By the way, a quick update from Tim. Since we recorded this conversation, he plans to meet up with his sister at the beach again this summer. Perhaps it will become an annual tradition for the family. Thanks for tuning into this episode of Mr. Stillman's Opus and we'll talk with you again soon.
Whisper: medium.en / 2023-11-27 06:04:11 / 2023-11-27 06:13:38 / 9