Welcome to Family Policy Matters, a weekly podcast and radio show produced by the North Carolina Family Policy Council. Hi, I'm John Rust and president of NC Family, and each week on Family Policy Matters, we welcome experts and policy leaders to discuss topics that impact faith and family here in North Carolina. Our prayer is that this program will help encourage and equip you to be a voice of persuasion for family values in your community, state, and nation. Thank you for joining us this week for Family Policy Matters. I'm Mitch Prosser, Vice President here at NC Family, joined by our Director of Research and Education, Adama Manfro.
Welcome to the fourth episode of The Truths We Hold. In honor of America's 250th anniversary and NC Family's 35th anniversary this year, we're taking a deeper look into the foundational truths that we all hold dear. Today, on this episode, we'll be talking about marriage and what that means for our culture today. Adamo, let's jump into what marriage is, what it's meant to us historically, not just as Americans, but I think as human beings, and then what that means for us in the future. Adamo, how does marriage, as we know it today, fit in to the original language of the truths we hold?
Sure, so as you mentioned in our series, we're kind of going back to the Declaration and kind of framing our whole reflection on that. And again, that declarative statement is always appealing to the rights inalienable and given to us by our Creator.
So we continue to say, as we said in last month's episode on life, that it's something that comes from God that the government recognizes, does not create, does not define on its own, but recognizes as existing and then defends. And so with marriage, similarly, just like life, it's not something that the government brings into being and then can define on its own terms, but it's meant to be something that the government recognizes as being effectively before government and outside of government, but worth protecting by the government, among other reasons, because it benefits the government.
So marriage properly understood as the lifelong union between one man and one woman, open to and bringing forth life, is beneficial because that is where we get new persons from.
So, right, it will grow the community and it is where those new persons flourish best. And we know that more today than we have in the past, where we might have understood it philosophically and naturally and sort of stereotypically or traditionally or however you want to phrase it. But we now today have more evidence than we have ever had in the history of mankind to show that children that are raised in a home with an intact marriage between their father and mother, their biological parents, are like standard. Of deviation, better outcomes than children who are in other circumstances. And that certainly is not to say that those other circumstances are invaluable or problematic, or that a single mother, through no fault of her own, or whatever circumstances, bring that about, that that's now a bad thing.
But it is to say that we shouldn't be aiming for something other than that model. You bring up the idea, and we've talked through this in previous episodes, specifically the one on government, about institutions designed by God. I believe, and I think our organization would stand on the principle that the foundational bedrock of society as we know it is the principle and the institution of marriage and the nuclear family. Of course, after that would be the church and then the government. And you may be able to interchange those two depending on your viewpoint.
But I think it's important for us to understand that at the core of every society is the nuclear family. And for generations, if not millennia, it was understood that that was one. man and one woman for a lifetime. And so as we work through that, and you pointed out the procreative nature of the marital bond, we've talked a little bit about how marriage is viewed today, the difference between a contract and a covenant. Let's talk a little bit about that because I think there has been some sort of interchangeability today when it comes to marriage.
And if I don't like it, I'll just get a new one. It is truly a covenant between two people and God, their Creator, before God. And so let's walk through that just a little bit. Yeah, I think that's a great point that you bring up. And we typically only hear this in faith circles these days.
But when you go back to the ancient language of covenant, it wasn't exclusively a faith issue. Although nowadays to talk about marriage that way, you're screaming modern Christian at that point. Nor do you hear contract very often. I'm sure. Not that you should, but yes.
But distinguishing these is very helpful.
So in a contract, right, it's typically an exchange of services or goods or money. Money or something like that with conditions. You do this, I'll do that. Exactly. And if I don't fulfill my side, you're free from your side.
A covenant, on the other hand, is an exchange of persons unconditionally, effectively. And so I will be your people, you will be my people. Your God will be my God, my God will be your God. I will be your God and you will be my people. These kinds of things are not conditioned on, well, if you do X, then I will be your people and you will be my people.
But if you fail to do that, then those go away. They're meant to be a full surrender without condition. And so when you have this contractual sense of conditioned-based, if I do X, then you'll do Y, when you go into marriage with that, you start compromising a lot of the lifelong nature of it as well. Because if I go into marriage with my wife thinking, yes, I'm your husband until death, as long as you do fill in the blank with whatever stereotypical thing you think I think my wife should do for me, then I go in waiting for her to fulfill her side in order to do my side, just like I certainly wait for my power to be on. Before I pay my electric bill, because that's a contract, right?
I signed that contract saying I will pay you to keep my lights on. If you don't, I won't. And so, this is not meant as a marriage primer or anything like that, trust me. But I do think it's important for us to understand that you can't go into this idea of marriage even with a 50-50 split.
Well, if you do 50% and I do 50%, well, I think the math is right. That's 100%. And no, if a man and a woman decide that they are going to enter into this covenant before God and the witnesses that are surrounding them, which is a great thing, by the way, then it's a 100-100, I will do everything I can possibly do to honor and love you. And then the other person says, I will do everything I can possibly do to honor and love you, and we will do that before God. That itself is the bedrock of society.
That is the institution that I believe God set up for us to follow and that helps families not just survive, but thrive. thrive. And children thrive in that context. When a mommy and a daddy love one another, they're not perfect, but they love one another and they promote an environment of health and well-being for those children. You're listening to Family Policy Matters, a weekly radio show and podcast produced by the North Carolina Family Policy Council.
This is just one of the many ways NC Family works to educate and inform citizens about issues that impact faith and family here in North Carolina. Our vision is to create a state and nation where God is honored, religious freedom flourishes, families thrive, and life is cherished. For more information about NC Family and how you can partner with us in pursuit of this vision, visit our website at ncfamily.org and be sure to sign up to receive our email updates, action alerts, and Family North Carolina magazine. You can also follow us on social media at NC Family Policy. That's at NC Family Policy.
Exactly, and when you go in with that, even just the percentage mindset of you're thinking conditionally, and I think that lends to what we see so much today of prenups and no-fault divorce and other mindsets of you're going into this relationship with this built-in suspicion or open door, like the back door is unlocked. There's no way out. I'm going into this thinking, but it could end. And with the proliferation and widespreadness of no-fault divorce, and it's almost easier to get divorced than it is to get married these days, quite frankly, that it makes marriage hard to even understand because there's not that sense of I am giving all of myself to this, and she is giving all of herself to this, but there's this sense of I'm in this until it stops making me happy or until it stops satisfying me or until they stop being what I want and then I can go. And to your point, modeling that for the children as well, there's even recent evidence that the relationship between the father and the mother.
Can produce like metabolic health in small children. That in the first like six months of life, when you check the health, if the father is home and has a healthy relationship with the mother in front of the baby, the baby is physically healthier from that. Not only that, to your point of modeling, if we're going to break this generational cycle, because that's really what it is at this point, and the disintegration of not just what marriage is, but the practice of marriage with its interchangeability, that contractual relationship, it's important for us to model that for our children. No, it's not always easy. Trust me, to live with me is a very difficult thing, but it's important for our children to see that through the thick and the thin, through almost as if it were in sickness and in health, and richer and poorer, in the good times and the bad, whatever vows you took there at the altar before God and these witnesses, that you do so in a way that's so, it's important for our children to see if they are going to model that healthy relationship for their children for generations to come.
And as we talk about the bedrock of society and marriage and the nuclear family being that, as we talk about on the next episode, which will be on parenting and how we raise children, let's talk a little bit as we wrap up today on what it looks like for marriages in North Carolina to thrive. We've talked a little bit about the origin. How then should marriages and can marriages thrive here in our country in the 21st century and beyond? Yeah, I think really re-embracing this biblical, covenantal, lifelong, sacrificial view of marriage will be fundamental. And I think the more our laws and policies honor that, respect that, acknowledge that, protect that, the better will be.
We, not long ago, have written on tort laws, heartbalm torts, and how those. Bring civil penalties attached to infidelity and other such related things. And that kind of stuff in policy and law continues to acknowledge marriage as even in a secular way, well, let's say in a governmental way. A sacrosanct institution that should be protected, and there should be consequences tied to that falling apart. And of course, that doesn't mean that there aren't extenuating circumstances and unfortunate situations, but we want to continue to uphold the value and the importance of a man and a woman giving of themselves wholly and entirely to bring a new family into being.
And to hearken back a little bit. You mentioned earlier that as the bedrock, the primary sort of building block of society, both the church and the state. And I think we want to push back against A more atomistic approach to things that I think the secular world is trying to do: that it's like the state straight to the individual, and so the parents are almost just babysitting until there's a voter. And so, We want to do away with we want to Set that aside and return to recognizing that no, the family is where the individual exists. And that the family, the more intact the family is, the more the family is the entity engaging with the community, with the church, with the town, with the county, with the state, with the nation.
And in so doing, it will bolster, you know, it's in the name NC Family, right? We want the family to thrive not just as individuals, but as a family as such. We want the children to thrive in their family. We don't want the children to thrive despite their family or outside their family or you know, as just providential, coincidental, but through their family. We want to maintain that relation, because that doesn't go away.
I mean Your parents are your parents forever, and so the healthier their relationship, the healthier your relationship with them, and the other way, the healthier my relationship is with my wife and that yours is with yours, the better our relationship will be with our growing many children. Both now and for the next generation and the next generation.
Well, it's a certainty that strong families make a good country and good churches. And for 250 years, we have appreciated what strong families have done for our country and that bedrock, those building blocks of our society being strong families. And it is also certain that a good marriage is at the foundation of a good family. And so, as we wrap up this episode, I think it's important for us to redouble our efforts to ensure that those relationships between that one man and that one woman for a lifetime are as strong as possible, not just through legislative efforts, but through the intentional practices that we participate in, both between that husband and that wife, but also as we hold each other accountable and we sharpen each other and we gain those tools necessary to make our relationship strong.
So, Adamo, great conversation. And thank you for joining us on this episode of The Truths We Hold, where we look at the foundational principles that not only have made America what we have been over the last 250 years, but what North Carolina family stands for as we celebrate 35 years of our existence here in North Carolina. Thank you for watching and we look forward to seeing you on the next episode of The Truths We Hold. Thank you for listening to Family Policy Matters. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to the show and leave us a review.
To learn more about NC Family and the work we do to promote and preserve faith and family in North Carolina, visit our website at ncfamily.org. That's ncfamily.org. And check us out on social media at NC Family Policy. Thanks and may God bless you and your family.
