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More Than Just a Pretty Face

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine
The Truth Network Radio
April 27, 2020 9:00 pm

More Than Just a Pretty Face

Family Life Today / Dave & Ann Wilson, Bob Lepine

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April 27, 2020 9:00 pm

Author Maria Furlough used to obsess about her weight and outward appearance. Her mother had done the same, and she knew her daughter would repeat her behavior unless she taught her differently. Furlough reminds listeners that "charm is deceitful and beauty is vain," and that the numbers on the scale don't have to define us. That's why she's intentional now about modeling a healthy self-image in front of her daughter. How? She watches her tongue, making sure she makes no disparaging remarks about herself, her weight, or her aging body. She also reminds her daughter that she has value beyond her physical appearance.

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Download the Confident Moms, Confident Daughters Manifesto PDF.  https://fltoday.s3.amazonaws.com/2020-Maria-Furlough/Confident-Moms-Confident-Daughters-Maria-Furlough.pdf

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The Bible talks about the need for each one of us to take care of our bodies and also to take care of our spirits is one of those to a higher priority. Maria Furlow says absolutely.

This is clear physical training is of some value is not saying that it's not important. It is important, but our godliness in pursuance of righteousness and God centered confidence is way more value and so I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here in my spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness physical health of guiding choices, then I am over my godliness pursuit in my pursuit of Christ. This is family life to our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson on Bob's pain can find us on why the family life to the.com. How would you say you're doing your life in balance when it comes to growing in godliness and taking care of her physical body talk about the importance of both of those things today statements and welcome to family life to. Thanks for joining us.

I'm not sure this before but it's just because it's stuck with me so much when I read it I read this probably 25 years ago, I think, was in USA Today, the Donna in inventory or survey up a pole with women who were supermodels and asked them write your own body on a scale 1 to 10, and these women who are paid hundreds of thousands millions of dollars to appear on the covers of magazines were giving themselves sevens and eights and were pointing out all her flaws immediately. I thought how can this be that this is how they see themselves. I remember talking to Marianne about this and she said I think every woman sees her flaws immediately. I don't think there's a woman who who looks at herself in the mirror goes. I'm looking really good. Or if she does, it's the exception not the rule. Am I right about that. I found it to be true of my own life and even working with the Detroit Lions for 35 years with their wives either.

Some of the most stunning beautiful gifted strong women that I've been around, and yet when we had this topic come up the amount of insecurity and self-loathing. I would even add is remarkable how they hate they would say that word and use it. I hate the way I look over when and I were first married. I would tell her how beautiful she is and she always said on not known that I honestly thought what ever she knows and then I start to realize she really doesn't know and I think it's universal for many women.

So women who the culture would say your beautiful those women would say no I'm not just like you were saying to your husband I think so and our culture defines what deity yes and so the culture shifting all the time. Whereas once it was small led to balance bigger lesson. Once it was these items and now with these round so it's shifting all the time and women are having to live up to these expectations and it's monotonous. It's old.

It's tiresome. The reason were talking about. This is because as mom's who are still wrestling with their own appearance issues, body image issues and then raisin daughters. You just need to recognize that what you're wrestling with your daughters or pick up on that and they are taking their cues from how they see you living out either confidence or insecurity in this area and Maria Furlow's joining us this week to talk about it Maria, welcome back to family. I think Maria is an author, she's a speaker she's a Bible study leader. She and her husband Dave live in Huntersville, North Carolina.

She's a mom to five kids and she is a are you confident mom.

I am confident you work 12 years ago when you had your daughter know I was so how did you get from 12 years ago to today. What's the journey been like for you lots of prayer and lots of acknowledging something that you sent in that was really the culture is selling us a bag of lies when it comes to our bodies and when it comes to beauty and we have to be able to acknowledge what the lies are to be able to move past insecurity and pastor not feeling beautiful and past the not being able to receive a complement to be able to address those things and really tackle them.

Hannah and one of the things that I do believe that God identified to me in my own life is that I had made physical appearance, a righteous pursuit and I feel like that is a very very prevalent today.

Explain what you mean a righteous pursuit like what is more of a righteous accomplishment. A traceable change, then when somebody becomes more healthy when somebody loses weight so to be pleasing to God to be honoring to God. I need to be focused on my body images I wintertime I think the world says it.

It is the ultimate goal of a human being.

If you keep your body healthy. If you eat the right foods and you work out enough in the right ways then then that is one of the greatest achievements that you can have as a person. I think the it sounds a little bit differently when we talk about in the church and its taking care of that the body that God has given us right and we do need to do that. There is no doubt about that but the Bible is clear when it talks about this a test. First Timothy 472 10 have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives tales.

Rather, train yourself to be godly for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance, that is why we labor and strive because we put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior of all people, and especially of those who believe and so this is clear physical training is of some value is not saying that it's not important. It is important, but our godliness and our pursuance of righteousness and God centered confidence is of way more value and so I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here in my spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness physical health of dieting choices, then I am over my godliness pursuit in my pursuit of Christ and for me in my insecurity and my body image I could list for you all the rules that I was supposed to be following you have to work out for this amount of times per week and needs to be for this amount of time it needs to be a balance of physical fitness training and aerobic activity you know and then all the food rules and so I had my life wrapped around these rules so tightly that I did not even realizing how much it was taking my focus off of what God wanted me just be spending my time on and so that's a really real thing for me and I notice in women's ministry and youth ministry and all conversations that physical health has become listed up high and I don't even think we realize it when we scooted, got off the throne of our lives and put in that, upon the throne and what happens is, this is what has happened to me to put me in bondage. Yes. When that becomes the focus and my mood is determined how I look. How my pants that I think so many women struggle with that and so it saps their joy. I remember because I grew up as a gymnast and so it's constant evaluation of your performance but also your body type. After that I was teaching in clubs and training in clubs for probably 12 years after I was a gymnast and there is so much pressure that even in California. Back when we are in seminary, I was teaching at this club and we had to have our body fat tested once a month if our body fat was above a certain level.

We were put on restriction and we were allowed to teach. Talk about pressure and so as kind of a motivated person in competitive. I dropped my body fat down to 4% and I felt great about myself because I was winning even realizing it was really hungry all the ever even realizing that this area of my life had become an idol and I had put it in front of Jesus I knew in my next workout was so often I would put Jesus in front of that and so I remember this one time. This one woman said to me.

What if you stop your workout for the day until he spent time with the Lord and I was seeking a quick yet that'll be easy. It was so hard for me because it almost become an addiction because my mood was determined by my works.

This is really big for women of finding freedom and joy that comes from identity coming from who God says we are that it takes training and said to have a whole new mindset and that's not easy. And so for you with your daughter here you are. You want her to understand this. She's going against the grain society and culture. What did you talk to her about what had that look like those conversations. First, it began with. There were some things that I had to cut out of my own life to be able to have these honest conversations with her and one of them, like you said, and was the permission to cut out numbers gene sizes numbers on the scale so that when I'm talking to her about what beauty really is in God's eyes. I believed it. I love you know I read through Proverbs 31, which we love so much frightened us women we love and prayer J what is like art in the Bible it is our yes no man can take it from a is for us and so I love reading through those Proverbs and this is what I talked to my daughter about because I really feel like the Proverbs give us some tangible ways to identify this as we said all the time here beautiful inside and out. Okay, what is that what is actually look like here, what are we talking about. What is it look like to be beautiful on the inside. What do people mean when they say that's not what God sees and you okay will. What does God see when you read through Proverbs 31 so I wrote this kind of like confident manifesto based on Proverbs 31 and so this is what beauty looks like in God's eyes. True beauty is confidence.

True beauty is putting others above ourselves tribute. He is working hard.

True beauty is providing for others. True beauty is learning a craft or business. True beauty is using our bodies as they were meant to be used for strong work I could: can we put that list on the website, absolutely because I think blisters are here and I need to meditate on that I need to reprogram my own thinking my daughter was right. Yes, it's a really great conversation piece with your girl because then you're grabbing on to something tangible.

Okay mom, you tell me that you I'm beautiful just the way that I am and I don't need to be constantly on this improving the way that I look plan okay so what is what.

What do I do is I got all this energy right God created us to created you to achieve that piece of you that was fighting for that physical fitness he created that and you but there's a way to use that for him instead of this constant pursuit of bettering our bodies and so this gave me something to do with that energy that God had put in me being able to identify beauty and myself as when I do something for another person that makes me beautiful because Proverbs 31 ends charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised and so this gave me something long-lasting to tag my duty to something that no person could take away from me know scale could take away from me know Jean's eyes could take away for me.

This is beauty that God put in me and you know what I can work with this and so this is these are the kinds of conversations I love to have with my daughter about what beauty it I am very specific there certain language that I have tried since my kids were young to cut out of my home and ever tying beauty to physical appearance is just a really big you know/out in our home life so that's ever an association so you say to your daughter for you never say dear daughter you look beautiful.

ABSOLUTELY I say that already me but what I mean when I say you look beautiful as she later God has created you beautifully just the way you are. I should elaborate to say that yes, I mean we talked about this before, there is a mean look at Esther she did a year-long beauty routines right we can't deny the fact that God has made women beautiful, but that physical appearance is only a tiny Asterix of beauty.

It's not the full definition of what it is. So something on the liquid. This is, this all sounds right and good, I'm agreeable. I'm just wondering when you go to the store next time to buy up her dreams and you don't fit into the one you were in before you go. That's okay right is that how you think, let's talk about that about close shopping for you about that you don't use numbers. So how do you go to the numbers defined me know. We do not know the scales we we can talk about Jimmy talk about that in a minute we'll talk about the shop okay so this is one of those things. The Bible talks about take your thoughts captive we can use this in lots of different ways. There is a process that we as moms have got to become self-aware and intentional.

So I had to learn about myself that it was a trigger for me when I put on tight jeans.

The number on the genes is a trigger for me. Now that is something that I have chosen not to let rheumy by prayer and acknowledging it with the Lord confessing to him when I do it and that asking him to help me. This isn't like confidence, light switch and then it on for life and then you never have to do anything about it is a constant is a constant fight with God and so I realize a couple things. One is it's okay for me to stay away from certain stores.

I will not fit into genes at all stores. They are not created for me and you know what I think I need to be okay with that and just stopped going to the store. I would keep going into the stars and be like maybe this is the day done enough they will fit. I would save a pair of pants when I was at my lowest weight to almost torture. Yes, those torture genes are called, tortured, and that's what I didn't know the name but now that we have an event you want to know what I do it torture genes now in. I hope you don't keep me have to get rid of that I don't keep them any morning torture genes need okay and this is something important to for me to acknowledge for my daughter to have fun helping her find her store right and that being okay and not like a pass fail like never go there. But let's find out that is created you and will close that are available that will you know that will make you comfortable and fit well.

So that's one of not going in those stores and really just trying to accept the fact number one. I probably won't be in the same Jean's eyes till I die. I mean, I'm guessing probably answers but to be no so when is going to be the day in my head that I accept that that I wake up I'm okay with that and then also depending on the year season of life.

Then I looked it different so detaching myself from the number in the genes was an intentional pursuit that I prayed for and I think that that is something that when we ask God for he is going to honor that. You have to want that for your life and you have to want that for the girls in your life and you have to ask him to help you because I do believe that it's so deep-seated in us that it is something that we can remove only with his help and yet there's the other side course here I am a guy over here talking to you, but there's the other side of the number of the sick, the size of the genes.

That is, it goes up each year right, there's a motivation that like that's unhealthy right. It is an identity thing.

It is because of if I just keep doing this every year. I'm probably not eating in a healthy way and I should use that is good motivation that a negative that yes his talents are absolutely there has to be the belt and at the heart check.

It's why, why am I pursuing this and I love going to my gym classes.

They are one of the most sanity, building 30 minutes of my week right and so that needs to be okay.

Remember the verses for physical training is of some value. We don't eliminate it from our life, but it's put in the right perspective underneath God and when we are talking about this though, I feel like it's important to acknowledge these are our adult choices when our girls are 11 to 18 years old. There emotional part of their brain develops before the logical part. So as much as we want to tell them listen. Mommy is doing this, you know, because I'm old and you're not. And you know this is just something that I as much as we tell them that we just have to be aware and cautious that that might not be how their brains translated and so we as moms had to be protective over the fact of that are aging body issues not become our daughter's issues because I watched it happen in use group moms you know on this workout plan just fine for them to be but their daughters were translating it that that's what they need to do to so we just have to be aware that that is a possibility. He talked about how you got rid of numbers scales right what about language that we shouldn't say if our kids that might go down the wrong path that is a cuss word. My my house and you know it's it's become a little bit of a joke. Now that the boys are older like the cuss is no like that is mommy about the word that can I collect blade of grass fact no word different possible for that scenario, but when they were young. I just wanted to be specific that that means this is no positive connotation about that word and you know there's descriptive words that will mean the same thing. The not that one. So that's gone. I am very aware in this. This is one that came with practice and in the training about how I talk about myself in front of my girl but have safe places talk about that with my husband give an example of that. I want to look like on my wife to her. This is okay. You don't have a bad day or I don't feel beautiful and that you know it's go behind a closed door and say and you beautiful lovely you like and then my husband who God is given to me you number, you know, I hear the things in the open at the door ready again the very important part with your husband say okay you husband yeah what should a husband site does not smile.

Really, no, just kidding. He always told me all the time he was a big part of my prayer that he is just always so encouraging and right with me on all this and he tells me that I am to be beautiful to him till the day that we die and I believe him and I accept that and I thank him for saying that, and I want him to keep sign. So yes keep saying that we do need to hear. But then when I'm in front of the children, or even if I don't know if there around right this is a very intentional behind the closed doors conversation that I still need to vent out because even if they're not around. They are paying attention. Kids are smart and so I'm just really intentional to when I speak about myself and it's hard and awkward at first because you're right there is a there is a leaning towards confidence can be arrogance and that is not my heart. And so, because I know that that's not my heart I'm bold with you. No saying. I do believe that the body that God has given me is beautiful and I love the way that I look and I love CLO shopping now and not saying things like I hate go shopping.

I can never find anything I can eat that it goes straight to my hips in all of these things that really were on the tip of my tongue for many years, training them not to say them anymore because her tongue has power. So somebody's listing and nine months ago.

The good birth month old and they are 20 pounds heavier than they were when they got pregnant.

Yeah they just relax or should they say I need to do something about this or what's the right way to approach that I think that that is something that I first and that I recommend first that having conversations with God about it in wrestling with them to say Lord these 20 pounds they are making me feel unhealthy. They are making me feel slow and tired and so I really feel like I want to be able to do something about it but I want to be able to do something about it with you and in a way that is healthy for me in a way that's not going to take my attention off of you. But that is going to keep my attention on you because I need your help to do it and bring him along in this journey. I just feel like too often we leave him out of this and it either a physical thing or of a spiritual thing. And also realize that a lot of these conversations that I'm talking about are leaning towards people who have an insecurity wiring to them and so that's a battle to be intentional about fighting on West and that's where I was think of this back, we are starting this conversation.

The issue is, do you see your value and your worth as a human being in your appearance right. So even in those moments when you're 20 pounds past where you'd like to be where you were before you got pregnant. Do you looking say I am less worthy as a person. I have lost value in God's eyes that I did back when I was 20 pounds slimmer and if you think that you need to tell yourself the truth that somehow God sees you. The culture may say no.

There is value and worth your but God says, know your value and worth is in that list of things you are reading from Proverbs 31 were true beauty comes and realign your thinking and you may say I still want to take off 20 pounds okay that's fine but let's not wrap your identity in your body image. Let's understand that your value as a human being is outside of that and this is where I think your book is a great help for moms and then ultimately for their daughters.

I'm hoping our listeners will get a copy of the book confident moms confident daughters by our guest today, Maria for low.

In fact, we want to make this book available to you as a thank you gift when you make a donation to support the ministry of family life to the we think this is a book that can be very helpful for a lot of moms and ultimately for the next generation you could make a donation to support the work of family life today when you go to family life to the.com or you can call to donate one 800 FL today I just want to acknowledge. I know for many of us this spring has been a time of some anxiety and some tension things you had to tighten up for many of us financially, and if that's where you are and things are challenging at the moment we get that I will talk to those of you who are in a position where you can continue to support the ministry of family life to the we depend on donations from blisters like you to be able to have these kinds of conversations for our website for events and our resources. You make all of that possible and we want to ask you if right now you can be as generous as possible and help support the ongoing work of this ministry donate online@familylifeto.com or call one 800 FL today to donate again would love to send you a copy of Maria Furlow's book confident moms confident daughters is her way of saying thank you for your support. Again, go to family life to the.com to donate, call one 800, FL.tomorrow we want to talk about how dangerous and even destructive, it can be to be regularly complementing someone for their real formal joins us again tomorrow. We could be here with us as well engineered today.

Keep on with our entire broadcast on behalf of our hosts Dave and Wilson on Bob opinion back next time for another family life, family life, to use a production of family life of Little Rock, Arkansas ministry help for today hope for tomorrow


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