Incline Your Ear, Oh Lord

Does God want us to make sure our prayers are theologically buttoned up, or does He just want us to pour out our heart, our emotions to Him, no matter how messy they are? Barbara Rainey says God wants both. At the end of the day, I really only want one thing. I want to please God.

That's all it is. So, I know He's okay with me saying what I really feel, but in the end, I'm going to choose Him. I'm going to choose His way, His timing, His everything, because I know He knows what He's doing.

And I know that if I were in charge, it would not turn out real well. This is Family Life Today. Our hosts are Dave and Anne Wilson. I'm Bob Lapine.

You can find us online at familylifetoday.com. Jesus taught us as His disciples how to pray. He also says, come to me when you're weary and heavy laden, and I'll give you rest.

Barbara Rainey joins us today to talk about prayer. Stay with us. And welcome to Family Life Today.

Thanks for joining us. I have to tell you guys a story. It's story time.

Here we go. Story time with Bob. And before I tell the story, let me just welcome back to the studio with us again, Barbara Rainey, who is joining us on Family Life Today. Welcome. Thank you, Bob. We've already mentioned that she's here without her husband, which is an unusual circumstance, but we're having a great conversation about prayer, which is the story I wanted to tell you.

When I was in high school, the church I went to in high school was a traditional mainline church where on Sunday at the worship service, there would be prayers that would be read out of the bulletin. And I remember thinking, is anybody even paying attention to any of this? They're just mouthing words.

I mean, I was. I was just reading these prayers. I wasn't paying much attention to them, didn't know what some of the words meant. And so, when I wrote a paper for my confirmation class in church, this is, I'm in high school, I write this paper and I say, in Matthew 6, it says that our prayers are supposed to not just be meaningless babble, it's supposed to be from our heart. And I kind of came away with this view that prayer that is not in the moment and spontaneous is somehow not the way you're supposed to pray. And I thought the same thing. Right. You're supposed to just pray from the moment and anything that you're reading out of a book or anything, that's just the way the pagans do it.

Okay? So, now flash forward about 20 years, I'm in New York City for the first time in my life and I'm touring New York City and I walk into St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York. It's on a Sunday night, the mass was not happening, but you know, St. Patrick's is open all the time, people are walking in to see it, the architecture, the whole thing. They'd had services there that morning and there was a bulletin with all of these printed prayers in it and I picked it up and I scoffingly started looking through this and I go, yeah, let's see what these prayers, you know, are all about and I opened up to a prayer of confession. And it was a traditional prayer of confession that's used in Catholic Church and the Anglican Church. It's the one that says, Lord, we confess that we have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed. We have sinned with things we've done, with things we've left undone, we're unworthy. I'm reading this and I go, my prayers of confession are pretty, pretty mild compared to what this is. I mean, this is really laying me bare differently than I do when I just am spontaneous. Oh, Lord, I blew it.

Sorry. Right? And all of a sudden I realized people who spend time thoughtfully pondering what it is they want to say to God. I mean, if you got invited to go to the White House to speak to the President and they said, now, you might want to spend a little time thinking about what you'd want to say to him while you're in the Oval Office, you'd probably spend a little time, maybe even jot out some notes rather than just, well, just say whatever comes to mind in the moment, right? And the reason I bring all of this up is because of the new book, Barbara, that you've written called My Heart Ever His, a collection of 40 prayers that reminded me when I first saw it of the Valley of Vision prayer book that is the old Puritan prayer book, which I know you've used. Was there a point in your life where you started to realize that pre-printed prayers and people spending time and thinking about how to craft a prayer, that that could be a spiritually enriching activity?

Yeah, I don't have an experience that's like yours, but I do remember getting a copy of the Valley of Vision prayers. Oh, I know, previous to that, actually, I started digging into the life of Susanna Wesley and she wrote some prayers and I got her book, someone printed a copy of that book. It was probably in the 90s and I remember reading it and I loved her prayers. I loved some of the words that she used and some of the concepts. She used the word condescend, which was not a word that we normally use much, but she wrote about how amazing it was that God would condescend to come down to our level. And I remember that phrase stuck with me and it gave me a completely different view on what God did for us just by reading her words.

And they were old words, of course, because they lived hundreds of years ago. So that was my first introduction to outside of the mainline church that I grew up in when I was a kid like you. That was my first introduction and then the Valley of Vision was another one and I read that thing over and over again.

So those were kind of like primers. They sort of stirred that desire in my heart, I think, over the years before I actually started doing it myself. There is something about other people giving thought and attention and giving us words and language that wouldn't come to us on our own that causes us to go, yes, that's how I felt, that's what I've been thinking, that's what I'm going through that can deepen our engagement with God as we go to him in prayer. Not only that, but I think it can help teach us how to pray, of what that intimacy looks like and the honesty of what that can look like.

And then even how we come back to praise and trust and prayer to God about it. And let me say this, Barbara, I just want listeners to know that you have marked my life dramatically. I think by your modeling what a woman is, a woman who walks with God, who follows God, who yearns to really grow with him, to watch your marriage has been so inspiring and really made an impact on myself and also on Dave. And I think you're thoughtful with your words, where I'm one that I don't necessarily hold my words back and they just kind of all flow out and I don't even know what they're saying, but you're thoughtful. And when you say something, your words are weighty and they have a lot of meaning and weight to them. And I think that your book is like that as well.

Thank you. Your words are thoughtful, beautiful. And I think when people pray these and read these, I think that they'll find that their heart resonates with your heart and your yearnings and your longings. You wrote a prayer on marriage.

I did. And I'd love you to at least read part of it. Yeah, this was a fun one to write because marriage has been, for me, wonderful. It's a gift from God, but it's been far more challenging and complicated than I ever dreamed it would be. Which most people may not assume could be true of you and Dennis because you are the marriage expert.

Yeah, it's absolutely true. So I wrote this about marriage. Why, God, did you create marriage, my daughter asked. And I remember the day she texted me that or called and asked me that because she was struggling too. So I started with her quote. Why, God, did you create marriage, she asked.

And sometimes I wonder too, we all bought happily ever after and too often it is not. Your idea was conceived before Adam and Eve. Three in one imagined a plan to show your oneness. Two freewill creatures formed by you, together you declared to us, display us on earth.

That was our mission, to let people see Jesus in us. The journey has been harder than I ever imagined on that happy I do day. There were times, Lord, you remember when I questioned your design, wondered how we'd ever get past the present crisis. But by not quitting, we always arrived on the other side. With new unseen strengths, endurance built into us, knowing more love, appreciation, respect than before. Our foundation anchored more securely our relationship better than ever.

I ended by saying this. Marriage savior, no matter what trials lie ahead, I want to be found believing you and your every word. I want my marriage to be a beacon, a light calling others to join us till death do us part.

May all those who see our committed union be encouraged with great hope to believe in you because nothing is impossible for you, even marriage. Amen. We could read that every day.

Yes, we could. But it's beautiful. Yeah, it's so well written. And as I said before, when I read it, I felt like I was in your prayer life and also in my prayer life. That was the thing. It was so authentic, so honest. I'm like, I've felt these same things.

But let me ask you this. Even as we said before, in some ways, your journal is much like reading a psalm. And in the Psalms, one of the questions I have, and I'm reading them right now, which is interesting just in my own life. I read Psalm 10 the other day, and David did what he often does. He starts with a sort of a lament or complaint, and then he ends with belief. Like here's Psalm 10. He says, Why, O Lord, do you stand far away?

Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble? And I've got to be honest. I've been reading one a day, and so as I started the psalm, I'm like, there he is whining again. I mean, I like it. I mean, right off the bat, it's only Psalm 10.

I know. And I'm like, man, every single psalm. And one part I appreciated. The other part, I'm like, really, dude? You're going to do it again? And then at the end of this one, he's like, O Lord, you hear the desire of the afflicted. You will strengthen their heart.

You will incline your ear. And I'm like, wow, what a journey from honesty. Where are you?

Yeah, where are you? And we've all felt that. But then by the end of the psalm, which is 18 verses later, he has this belief. I want to ask you this, because when I read it even yesterday, I'm like, I wonder if David wrote this psalm in one setting? Or is this journey over days or weeks or months?

Same thing for you. As you walk through some valleys and some questions, were these psalms written in one sitting? Or does that belief and trust for you, did it take time? Does it sometimes not come at the end of a writing of a psalm?

Yeah, I think the answer is both. I think some of them, it was just very easy to write them all in one setting. I didn't necessarily feel like God was near when I finished writing them. I didn't feel any different at the end of it. So, it wasn't about changing my circumstances or feeling a different way.

But it was really a faith exercise. This is how I feel, but this is what I know is true about you. I want you to know how I feel, but I'm going to choose this. I'm going to choose to believe in you no matter what. Because at the end of the day, I really only want one thing. I want to please God.

That's all it is. So, I know he's okay with me saying what I really feel, but in the end, I'm going to choose him. I'm going to choose his way, his timing, his everything, because I know he knows what he's doing. And I know that if I were in charge, it would not turn out real well. I would mess things up, and I'm content to let him have the final word. And so, some of the prayers were really quick, but some of them I had to kind of think through and decide, what do I really think about this?

So, they were different. Do you find that it's healing to write? You know, even, Bob, you were saying earlier, when you would see somebody read a prayer, instead of spontaneously think, oh, it's not as meaningful.

And yet, many times the opposite. When you take the time to say, I'm going to write this out. Like Bob, you said earlier, the prayer of confession, when I've listed my sins on a piece of paper, you're gripped.

It's like, oh my goodness, look how, this is horrible. Rather than just flippantly, like you said, hey, no big deal. So, as you wrote those down, and I think even the psalmist, they went on this journey that they might not have gone on unless they sat and said, I'm going to write this out. Did you experience that sort of journey of healing? Absolutely. Agreed.

Yeah, absolutely I did. And I think there's something about putting it on paper that makes it concrete. When it's up here in the brain, and I'm just talking to God as I go, I get distracted, I see things.

I mean, I just lose my train of thought. But when I was writing these out, I had to really evaluate, what do I feel? What do I know is true about God? How does all this reconcile? So, it was very healing. And I hope, too, I'll just say this real quickly, sort of as a parenthesis, I hope that people who do get the book and read it will use it in that way.

That you will underline, but you will also write out in the margins, oh, I feel this way today. I really don't feel that you're near God. I don't know what to do in this situation. But I'm going to choose to trust you.

So, I want it to be interactive and maybe even instructive to try it yourself. Because it really did, it just made such a difference in my relationship with God. I'm guessing that once you turned in these 40 prayers to the publisher and said, here's my book, you've continued the discipline? It's not as much of a discipline as it was when I was trying to meet a deadline. However, I have continued to write some and I've enjoyed the process.

So, yeah, I'm still doing it and want to do more in a little bit of a lull right now. Maybe Dennis should write a book of prayers for men. Maybe he should. I'll have to suggest that.

See what he thinks. How are you different today than you were as a young mom? Is there anything that you wish you would have implemented as a young mom that you've learned over the years?

The answer is resoundingly yes. What would it be? I'm not really sure. I'm without question radically different than I was as a young mom. Because I was just trying to figure out life. I was trying to figure out marriage. You're just surviving.

Absolutely, just surviving. And I wanted to please God and I wanted to do it God's way, but I didn't really know what that was. So, I was trying to figure that out. And so, I didn't have the space in my life to write prayers. I didn't have the space in my life to do the kind of Bible study that I have in my life right now. And so, a lot of those years I look back and I was just frantic really. Frantically trying to keep pace with all that was happening in my life. And I was praying and I was, you know, reading the Bible and doing those things. But I didn't have the space to really think.

And that's what I need. That's part of the way I'm wired is I need alone time. I need time to kind of decompress and think and evaluate. I'm very contemplative by nature.

And so, the nature of raising kids is not contemplation. It's fast-paced. It's crazy. You're constantly responding to needs and demands and all of that. And so, that was hard for me. That was a hard season of life.

I loved it. I loved being a mom. But it was hard for me to keep my soul alive and refreshed because I just didn't know how to manage the chaos and everything that we dealt with. The reason I brought that up was because I felt many of those same things when our kids were younger. And I felt a sense of guilt and shame.

I did too. That I didn't have more time and that I should be doing more. And yet, I look at the different stages of a woman's life and I think, now you do have the time. And what a great gift for the young mom who's frantic and who doesn't have the time. But to even read her Bible when she can. To read a prayer like this.

You could even scan through the pages. And like even one of your prayers is the comparison delusion. And especially young moms today and women today, now we have the comparison on the internet where we're comparing everyone in the world.

Not just our friends, but everyone. So I think it's really important for us to not necessarily feel that guilt and shame because we might not be at a stage where we can put all the time and energy and these beautiful prayers written down. But what we can do is talk to God all day long.

We're in conversation with Him. Maybe we can read a prayer. I used to have my Bible, one in the bathroom, one in my car, one on the table. And I'd even have it playing, like I would even have the audio playing on my, now you can do it on your phone. But I think it's so beautiful that you took the time to do this for us. I hope what this will be for young moms is similar to me reading Susanna Wesley's prayers. Because that sort of gave me that connection on another level that I longed for, but I couldn't do on my own. So I'm hoping that this will be that for a lot of young moms.

That they'll be able to take a piece or even a line or a paragraph and really commune with God in a way maybe that they haven't been. This would be a great book for husbands to buy for their wives. It'd be a great gift. You know, I was just thinking I might have been reminded by somebody, but when Anne was talking about those early years with our kids little and craziness, I'd see her run into the bathroom not having to go to the bathroom just to have a moment of free time. And the story we've told many times, but when I come along and see this and I go upstairs and write 10 ways you can make your life more manageable, I literally handed her that card.

We told that story and she ripped it up and threw it away. But it'd be much better if I handed her this. This would be a gift to a young mom, wouldn't it? Because it would in your moment. To any mom, not just a young mom, too.

A woman of any age. Well, and Mother's Day is coming up soon, so there you go. I'm wondering if you had some subjects that you wrote prayers for where you were being empathetic as opposed to personal, where you said, I know this is something that women are struggling with and I'm going to write a prayer about this, even though it's not something that's a burden on my own heart. And as I'm thinking about that, I'm wondering if David ever did that. I'm wondering if David ever sat down and said, I'm going to write a psalm, a song for Israel to sing, not because I'm struggling with this, but because I know... We are.

We are. As a congregation, as a country, as a nation, we're struggling with these things. So, were all of these born out of your personal angst, or were some of these because you saw what your daughters were dealing with or you had friends who were dealing with stuff and you wrote a prayer related to that? I would answer by saying I think most of them were personal. The one that Ann was referring to, comparison delusion, I don't struggle with it in the same way that I did when I was younger, but it's still real. It's still real.

No matter what age you are, you're looking at someone else and you're comparing all the time. So, that was just as real as some of the other ones. So, I'm not sure any of them were done like this is a great topic, I need to write about this. And if it wasn't born out of personal angst, like a couple near the end, there's one on the incarnation, there's another one on the second coming of Christ, those weren't born so much out of a personal need as much as I know this is true, and I want to help myself and others focus on the reality of what an amazing, miraculous, there are not words to describe what it meant for Jesus to come and become a cell.

I mean, he really did that for us. I mean, it just is so mind-boggling. So, those two in particular were, because I've just been learning so much about the incomprehensible nature of God, I wanted to put some of that on paper too. Well, and how many times does the Psalmist declare the great glory of God, and there's no personal emotional trauma he's going through. He's just, he's exalted in praise, and so there's a little of that in what you've done here too. And I think that all of your topics, all of your prayers will hit the heart of every single woman.

They did for me, honestly, they were so beautiful. Yeah, I found it interesting, again, you know, I probably shouldn't admit this, but you know, I see the one on sex and I'm like, oh, got to read that one. And what was so beautiful – Nobody is surprised. No, we're not surprised at that, Dave. No, Dan just read that one last night too.

I'm not the only one that's thinking that, trust me. But the thing that I found interesting about that one was it wasn't really so much about sex, but the seasons of your life as you reflect and thought through, young, married, through now, and it was so beautiful, I'm like, wow, that's a journey that you led us into, but yet bringing it to God in his perspective. And so here's one of the things I would say to a listener that you've modeled for us, how about tonight, you pick up your pen, or digitally if you want to do it, write a prayer out. Maybe you've never done that before. I remember the first time I ever did that, it was a real, it was sort of awkward. I'd never done it, but then as I did it, it was like, wow, my real thoughts are getting down on paper. But I would add this, because this is what I think you modeled, before you put your pencil down, ask God his heart and perspective and listen and write it.

So don't end that just with the complaint. Be honest like you modeled, but at the end say, okay, God, what are you saying to me about what I'm writing here? Listen to the heart of God, the Spirit of God will speak, and then you'll end up where you take us almost every time.

I'm going to still trust you in this. It's so interesting, Barbara, Dave and I, when we were dating, is when our faith was new and we started journaling every day. And we have those journals back from 1979. And a lot of those are prayers that we wrote out and prayer requests. But for our kids to go back and to read those, it's so amazing because it's a glimpse into your heart. Into who you are. It's the intimacy of love and relationship with Jesus. And so I love that.

I love that you've written these out. And I would encourage listeners too, like, if you have the time, write them out and ask God. Because you're right, Dave, so often we'll pray, we'll ask God for things.

And sometimes we just need to listen and sit with him. And that's how you develop a relationship with God. And I do think that there was something very transformational about doing this for me.

I know that it positively changed my relationship with God. And I really do love him more than I did before. And that's just a wonderful place to be. You are welcome here any time. Oh, good. You don't have to bring your husband along to come back, all right? And thank you for the book, thanks for the time. You're welcome.

Yeah. We want to encourage listeners to get your book and not just to read through it, but to start praying their way through it. And in fact, we're making the book available right now for listeners who can support the work of family life today. Which I know is something that you've been passionate about for a long time.

Family life today is entirely listener dependent. To be on this local radio station, for the podcast to continue, for you to be able to listen when you want, where you want. We need people like you to make that possible through your donations. And so if you can help with the donation today, and I know for many of you this has been a difficult spring. Some of you are still reeling from all that we've gone through this spring. We're not trying to be insensitive, but you need to know ministries like ours, probably your local church.

We're having to deal with the impact of the coronavirus as well. And so if you are able to help with the donation, right now is a particularly helpful and strategic time for that. Go to our website, familylifetoday.com, make an online donation, and request a copy of Barbara Rainey's book, My Heart Ever His, or call 1-800-FL today.

Make a donation over the phone, and again, ask for Barbara's new book. And we're happy to send it out to you as a thank you gift for your ongoing support of the work of family life today. We're grateful for your partnership with us. And we hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to make some memories together this weekend and worship together. Hope you can join us Monday when we're going to introduce you to Esther Fleece Allen, who has learned the importance of just being honest and authentic, even when it means people know about the messiness of your life. She'll be here to share her story.

Hope you can tune in for that. I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lapine. We'll see you back Monday for another edition of Family Life Today. Family Life Today is a production of Family Life of Little Rock, Arkansas. A crew ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.