This episode is supported in part by the Christian Standard Bible, a translation designed to be faithful to the original text and clear for everyday readers. We're grateful for their partnership in helping bring gospel-centered content to families like yours. To learn more about the CSB, visit csbible.com. All of the ministry that we have been involved in to this point, our kids were actively part of it.
So if we were leading a retreat, they were the ones setting the tables, putting out the manuals. They were sometimes our worship team. They were the ones who were doing the cleanup. They shared all of the highlights afterwards with us and we celebrated what God did. When we traveled and were speaking, our children came with us.
They were always integral in everything that we did. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson. And I'm Ann Wilson, and you can find us at FamilyLifetoday.com. This is Family Life today.
Hey, we're still out. Dave's still recovering. Pray pray for me. Yeah, frame for hand. It's harder on her than it is on me.
Actually, it's hard on me, too. These are not easy. These knees are recovering. But anyway, It's not about us, it's about Cheryl Shoemakes in there with today. She's got Trevor and Tanya Kravik back on talking about marriage on mission.
And I'm telling you what, you're gonna love this conversation. I think it's important to understand that it can be very consuming to be missional, right? Almost that it takes up the biggest part of your life. Especially if you're doing it together. Jonathan and I are co-laborers in that he supports me, but typically I'm the person out front.
We will counsel couples together when we're doing premarital coaching or something like that. Will come along with me when I'm traveling or something like that. But we are not. constantly in in the same vein is what I'm saying.
So we we I think it's easier for us to kind of make room for our marriage, right? But when you are Constantly. In missional mindset together, it might be a little bit difficult for that.
So, how do you balance marriage and mission? It's a challenge. We're still learning. Yeah, we didn't always get it right. We're still learning.
I think the best mindset to be in around balancing these things is: is my relationship with the Lord solid? Am I spending time with Him? Am I keeping my wife as my priority? We have four children at home, but those children aren't going to be in our home forever. And so, am I still pursuing my spouse?
And does she feel or do I feel like other things are coming into conflict in our marriage relationship that shouldn't be? Or competition, yeah. Competition, yeah. And so, how do we, we're really high communicators, like not angry communicators, but we're we communicate a lot of words, which you probably found out already. But I think just keeping the communication very high and being approachable in those moments has really helped us to navigate, like, okay, I don't feel like you're neglecting me in this time, and just keeping that open.
And then we pursue our family relationships as well, because the very best. Investment we can make in the future is in our four walls. Absolutely.
So that comes first. Yeah. I think we forget that the first mission field we are given is around our dining room table. That's right. Right.
That's right. So we have to invest there first. Yeah, we say if we're not being faithful in our own four walls first. Right. Right.
And part of our role now in our team, I'm sure we'll get to that, but We encourage that we want to learn how to Live out the gospel on our four walls. with transferable concepts to help those outside our four walls to do the same thing. I love it. I was going to add to something that you said. You you asked the question, how does that look in our marriage?
And when we travel, which we travel Fairly often for work. And so That's a time for us to connect on more of a heart level, sometimes about work, sometimes about family, whatever. And so one day we were driving and I said to Trevor, So What do you think I bring to our marriage? And I said, questions. Yeah.
I was like, okay.
So I bring questions. I said, well, what do you bring to our marriage? I'm sure she said answers, yes. I think those kinds of conversations are so healthy to dialogue through with your spouse regularly, asking those questions, posture of curiosity. I love that statement.
I love having that posture. I'm still learning so much about My husband, after 25 years, and I want to keep learning him, and we change. We do. We are not the same people 10 years from now that we are today. Yes.
So you have to meet your spouse where they are in that moment. And without asking, how do we know?
So, how do we not? What are some practical things that we can do to not let our marriage get consumed in the importance of the mission? Yeah, I don't want to set up the facts that we've been good at this our whole entire time serving. None of us are. Yeah, none of us are currently learning.
We're all practicing, right? And so we've been learning as we go, and we need the reminders. Honestly, sometimes the best way to have to be responsible to teach something is to spend time, you know, involved in it or to learn it yourself. You got to teach it. We have the saying: this is something that the Lord impressed upon my heart when I first started speaking: you will never serve what you haven't eaten.
So we have to embody what we are talking about. And that means that we have to walk down some very difficult roads and experience God's grace and mercy and wisdom in those spaces so then we can then deliver it to someone else who needs it. Yeah, but to focus on some of the highlights or successes we've seen practically in that space, you know, as we spend time in these groups, we're participating. In the group and a small group as well.
So, the content that we're getting, but also just what we're witnessing in other couples. And we're like, oh, that looked nice. Like, oh, I wish that was part of our situation. And I think one of the very practical things that we've done for years has been a care list. It was from the very first marriage study that we were ever participants in.
Okay. And the challenge is I personally write on a card five ways that Tanya, things that Tanya could do practically every day that would show me that she cares for me. And then the same thing. I would write five things practically that he could do that would show he cares for me. And so when we say practically, I'm not saying, would you please buy me a dozen lilies?
I'm saying, would you be willing to do the dishes? Right. And one of Trevor's that he had so he worked from home remotely for a long time. Year after year, we would do this every year, year after year. He would have bring me a cup of coffee during the day.
Well, it takes about thirty seconds to go fill up a cup of coffee and bring it in his office. And so the goal with the care list was I'm creating what I know will speak love to me. And so anything he chooses at any time is going to be a win. Yes.
He doesn't have to guess or hope that maybe it will be. I've said these will be wins. And so it's always a win. And the goal after exchanging those is that you pick one every day. Yeah.
And maybe it's 10 things, whatever is reasonable for each couple. But that has been key in our marriage for a really long time to be able to look back at that and Consider what is something really simple I could do that I know will be a win for our marriage that's going to show honor to my spouse and really demonstrate love to him. And what a gift you've given to each other. You take the guest workout, you say, here it is. This is what I would like to see.
And especially when you see me struggling or maybe I'm having a long day and you come and you do this thing and I'm, oh, you're thinking of me, you love me, you see me, you know me, and you're prioritizing me. And what a way to just invest in your marriage in the middle of all of this other big stuff that you're doing, right? Because we really have a mandate from God to, in our home, be builders of our home, right? As women, to be lovers of our wives, as husbands. And that is a priority to God, as much a priority to God as Matthew 28, 19 is.
Hey, Dave Wilson here to talk about the Love Like You Meet It Marriage Cruise. It's the best cruise in the world to save your marriage, help your marriage, enhance your marriage, and also have a lot of fun in the sun. Leaves out of Florida February 13th through the 20th. You're gonna love it. Music, comedians, and great messages that help your marriage.
And let me tell you, this thing sells out almost every year. It's sold out, and you got to get on.
So we have a promo code for you.
So here's what you do: go to lovelikeyumeitcruise.com. Lovelikeyoume at cruise.com. Use the promo code FAMILYLIFE. That's one word, Family Life, and get on this boat now and save your marriage and have a great time while you're doing it. We'll see you February 13th.
Yeah. So, talk to me about some of the challenges that you've had as a couple on mission. If Jonathan and I were saying, listen, we believe God is calling us to sell everything, go move into a gang-infested area, and be light and salt in this area. What might we expect? Oh, I think one of the challenges was we had talked a little story about provision and God's provision.
And so, Tanya mentioned that I worked from home. I was in the IT world, and I had grown up thinking that my job as a husband is to provide for the needs of our household. And I do that by doing my job and bringing in a source of income. And in 2015, we. We're at a time of transition, a season of not really restlessness, but just knowing God was doing something.
We decided to put in our application for staff. And they called us to a ministry preview here at headquarters. Actually, headquarters at that time was in Little Rock, Arkansas. And this is Staff for Family Life, right? For those that may not.
Yes, yeah. And we showed up, and it was a weekend event. We actually brought our kids in tow because we wanted our kids to learn that we serve together. This is a family thing that we're doing.
So we didn't really share that yet, but all of the ministry that we have been involved in to this point, our kids were actively part of it.
So if we were leading a retreat, they were the ones setting the tables, putting out the manuals. They were sometimes our worship team. They were the ones who were doing the cleanup. They shared all of the highlights afterwards with us, and we celebrated what God did when we traveled and were speaking. Our children came with us.
They were always integral in everything that we did. Let's put a pin on that because I definitely want to come back to that after you share the challenges. I think it's so important for parents to hear that you don't have to do this isolated from your children. No way. This is not an either-or.
Or this could be a this, yeah, yeah, yeah. And well, as you shared about Jonathan, like you guys are different people, individuals. God has created you uh uniquely and has purpose for you that is different. Um, and we found those differences to be true with us as well, yes. Um, and so as we took the journey to consider staff, uh, we had no idea, first of all, that missional staff raised support.
To serve in the Ministry of Crew. We found that out the first night, and we were like, We're out. Time for us to leave. We're not called to that. Yeah, I'm working the job.
We're providing, we got this. Family life said, Would you? Would you just hear us out? Would you stay and would you just participate in the weekend? We want you to experience it.
You came all this way.
Okay. So we did. We did. And by like day two and a half, I was like. Yeah, I think I I could trust God with this.
This is our heart. I could trust God. We knew we aligned with the mission. Right. That's what I was telling myself.
I could say yes to this. And Tanya wasn't there yet. They're persistent, but they give you time to think. And so they gave us about seven days time after they gave us a yes to go home and consider this. Do do you think this is what God might have for you?
Was, you know, kind of the question. Um, I had a moment out on the porch where I was like, Lord, you just moved us all the way across the state. We got these four kids.
Now we're gonna have to Say yes to raising support, which I don't want to do. And then we're going to move all the way to Little Rock, Arkansas. I don't want to live in Little Rock, Arkansas. And was just really wrestling with the Lord. He brought to mind the story of Abraham and how he laid down his son.
Abraham didn't know what the end result was going to be, but he knew what I was asking him to do. I was asking him to lay down this very hard thing and trust me with the outcome. And so I think that's a good idea. Cool. I could do that.
That I could do. I don't know that I could raise support. I don't know that I want to move to Little Rock. I don't know all these other details, but would I trust you? Yeah.
That I can do. Yeah. So we went back and we said yes to family life, and we thought, well, okay, God, we said yes. Here comes our important families. This is going to be easy.
No big deal. No, you know. Oh, yeah.
Well. In twenty eighteen. We were still in the process of trying to raise our support.
Now, for a little context, God had moved us from a large city to a town of 250 people before he invited us to join staff at Family Way.
Okay. So that's a sense of humor. Yes.
So in 2018, we were still continuing to trust him, continuing the process of trying to raise support. And all of this was occurring while we were still doing ministry, working a full-time job, running courses, homeschooling, several of them. And we were learning about each other as we did ministry together. And so like leading retreats and doing public speaking, that was something in my career background that Tanya didn't necessarily have. And so we volunteered to do things, but she went about preparing for those things way differently than what I did.
And so I'm more like, give me like five notes and put me in the environment, I'm good. And she's like, nope, we need it scripted. Every single word needs to be written out. And I'm terrified of that because I think I'm going to fail and not say the right thing. But as I learned that about her, I could find ways to create space for her to be able to do that very thing that allowed her to be the best she could be for God in that particular environment.
And she knew that she could make last-minute changes, and I would be okay with it usually.
Okay. So it's 2018, and we were asked to come into a meeting with the then president of Family Life. And he sat across the table and said, Tell me a little bit about What you've been doing in ministry. Tell me what that's looked like for you. And so we shared some creative ways that we'd been using resources, how we were involving our family, what it had looked like to travel, to create our own content, all these different things.
And he said, Well, this is why I called you in because I'd like to ask if you would. Yeah. Consider leaving your current assignment with Family Life, a volunteer role that we had, and helping to start a new department at Family Life. Oh, really? He said we um We believe that if we're gonna make every home a godly home, We need to have year-round ministry going on in communities across the nation, not just a weekend term member that flies in once a year and flies out.
Absolutely.
And he said, you know, I believe that that's what God already has you doing. He's already invited you into that.
So would you be part of helping? Start a new department.
So there were four couples that were asked. We cried a lot. We were overwhelmed that the Lord would see us and invite a couple from. the middle of nowhere to do this, but we said yes. Um and so in twenty eighteen we Transition to a part-time role with family life.
with permission to continue raising our support.
Okay. Amazing things across the state of Wisconsin. He already was, but it kind of just really kicked into high gear. And if we fast forward in 2021, we're We're still raising support. Not fully funded yet.
Yeah, and the Lord's allowing us to develop a team of individuals who are like-minded that want to bring the gospel to their communities, to families around them, in various different ways. And we had developed relationships with many missionary staff at this point in time in different organizations. One of them served with the Ministry of Lifelines, which is an outdoor ministry arm of crew. And they happened to be coming through our area and wanted to spend some time with us. And so we said, absolutely.
And so they brought their camper and they stayed in an area. And through the conversation, they had asked us a series of different questions. And one particular question that Mark had asked was, What would it take for you guys to be full-time? And I didn't have to think about it for a second. I said, the Lord would have to eliminate my position at work.
He continued other questions. The day went on. The next week, I got a call from the president of my company. I'm sure you did. In no short term, said Trevor, we've met.
It's not a business or it's not a personal decision. It's a business decision. The executives have decided to eliminate your position. Use the exact word. Phrase.
Exactly. Yes.
And I'm a little bit like Gideon, right? You know, Gideon's, the wool's got to be wet.
Now the grass be dry.
Now meet the ground wet and the wool dry. Yes.
So my next call, after almost swallowing a lump in my throat, was after telling my wife, was to Mark. And I said, Mark, did I really say? Did I really say that God would have to eliminate my job? And he said, Yeah, Trevor, that's what I remember. And I said, Well, he just did.
So Trevor had this. Phone call with his boss? That his job would be eliminated. Yeah, and um I had a follow-up appointment from a medical difficulty that I had earlier in the year tied to the pandemic. And I walked in the room after having had some tests done.
I thought, you know, you're fine. I'll just run in and do this real quick. And the doctor said, you know you need open heart surgery. Really? like soon.
Oh. Um the results of the test had shown that my heart had doubled in size on one side, that I had a broken valve. And um I had no idea and I had just lost my job, which They gave a severance package, but that severance package didn't include insurance. But through a series of different events, God provided once again. And I had open heart surgery on September 30th, 2021, which was the very last day that my company was able to cover our insurance need as well.
And so what I learned in that moment, we were talking a lot about provision. I learned that I was holding out my ability to provide for my family from the Lord. I wasn't giving it over to him yet, even still. And so with the job transition, he took that from me and taught me a great lesson. But there was another area of my life I was holding out from him, and that was my health, like my ability to be strong for my family, to be a protector.
And he's like, you know what, Trevor? I think you need to learn more. I was reading a book on suffering. It taught me a lot of lessons about how to journey through that moment of grief, of knowing that things are going to be taken away from me, things are going to be harder. Family members I had cared for my whole life were going to be my care providers and going into open heart surgery.
And so the amazing thing that the Lord did ultimately with that is, even though we were in a time where we couldn't go have meetings with people and invite them to join our team and to report to our missional assignment. He provided all of our need within that period of time of my recovery. And so we reported to full-time in our missional roles with Family Life doing this very job of field director for expansion ministry. Wow. How kind of God to usher you through that and to show you.
We often want to know God as healer, but we don't want to be sick. Right. We want to know God as provider, but we don't want to have a financial need. We have to have these experiences in order to learn him in this new way, right? And I'm very grateful that you are sitting across the table from me now as a brother in Christ who now knows his father as just an amazing provider and as healer as well.
Yeah. And there's something really sweet that we were able to look back and see. Because in your flesh, there's a part of you that feels like, Lord, you're tarrying. Like we said, yes, way back in 2015. Sure.
It's 2021. What's going on? and what we see now. Looking back, is that if the Lord had provided all the funding we needed to report. In the eighteen months that would have been most desirable.
We would have moved our family up to the North Woods where we live now. we would have moved our family to Little Rock. We would have moved our family. To Orlando, and then we would have moved our family back into the field when we became a field-based ministry.
So, not only did the Lord protect us from all those moves as a family, but also. What he was doing in the unseen. was allowing us. to be part of what he was doing in establishing this team. Where we now lend leadership to 83 individuals across the state of Wisconsin who are bringing the gospel to their local communities.
Look at that, such wisdom. And that's what he was doing. Yes.
That we couldn't see when we felt like, how long, oh Lord? Yes.
Right? That is what he was establishing his very good work, that he was. inviting us to be part of and In those years, there were so many times that we were like, Lord, this is hard. Is this really still our assignment? And just sensing, yes, keep going, keep going.
And so here today, now we see. what the purpose was and all of that and longing for the day when there are more teams like this. Across the state, connected to family life, that are bringing the gospel to every community, that every corner would truly be reached with the gospel. Yeah, not just our state, but all the states and across the world. Absolutely.
Family life is in 103 different countries and has a presence there and these teams. can make a huge impact. Absolutely.
I think this is just a great reminder for every marriage because we just can get stuck into the daily grind of things. And so remembering that we're on a mission, that God has a plan for our marriage, I think this is just a good reminder and a good conversation. Yeah, I mean, one of the things we heard today, and I always want to think this way, is God wants to do something in you, but just as much, he wants to do something through you. And man, that means your marriage can literally be a light in your neighborhood. If you want, you know, a resource to help you think about that, we have a Family Life Couples study called Your Marriage Has a Mission.
And you can get your copy by clicking the link in the show notes at familylifetoday.com. Cheryl Schumach will be back with us again tomorrow as your host, and Trevor and Tanya will be back as well. See you then. Family Life Today is a donor-supported production of Family Life, a Crew Ministry. 50 years of helping you pursue the relationships that matter most.
Yeah.
