This episode is supported in part by the Christian Standard Bible, a translation designed to be faithful to the original text and clear for everyday readers. We're grateful for their partnership in helping bring gospel-centered content to families like yours. To learn more about the CSB, visit csbible.com. I don't care about like. My name being remembered, but I would love for my boys, my wife.
To remember me of someone who was after Jesus' heart. Yeah. And if I can demonstrate that in Pass that on. In the ways that I repent, and the ways that I am intentional about showing them, hey, like. This is sharing the testimony.
Like the things my mom overcame, and her mom, and my wife's mom, and her dad, the things they've overcame on their journey, so that we can look to the author and perfecter of our faith and run this race. Welcome to Family Life Today, where we want to help you pursue the relationships that matter most. I'm Dave Wilson. And I'm Ann Wilson. You can find us at FamilyLifetoday.com.
This is Family Life Today. One final day with just us men in the studio. No women here, just us guys talking about marriage, talking about parenting, talking about legacy. What would you guys say to a guy like Bruce? And I'm talking season of life.
Okay. They've got young kids. We all have older kids. You know, they want to do fathering well. They want to be the husband.
If you had a 30 minutes with them at lunch, what would you say? There's a lot of pressure to get this thing done right, right? Parenting. Just trust God with your kids.
So yeah, be intentional about teaching your children. You're going to fail from time to time. Don't be so hard on yourself. Yeah, and learn from other good dads, you know. Failures baked in.
Not many. Failures baked in. You're going to fail. You're ready for that. It's okay.
It's okay, yeah. It's okay. Not to minimize sin, right? Oh, for sure. Because that's not okay.
Confession is a part of that. Yeah. And I think that's like the beautiful gospel demonstration. Like, I demonstrate the gospel to my kids now when before they thought I was perfect. Yeah.
Ryan, you got one? For me, I would probably say, you know, we've already said a lot of good stuff about being intentional and confessing and really getting a few good habits. But I think some for me is just the perspective of my goal isn't just for my kids to make my life easier. Yeah. And there is some great wisdom to, you know, the proverb talks about when you discipline your children, it will give their parents rest.
Yeah, there is a lot of truth to that, and you want to be a good disciplined parent, but recognizing that they are working out their own sin. And so do not be surprised when they break your heart. Yeah. Because they will break your heart and they will. Break it in ways that allow you to connect with the heart of the Father.
Because you think, how often does God feel this? If he truly loves us, The way he says he does, and that he's a personal God. Yeah, you can see how many times have I been wayward today in my phone.
So you multiply that by billions. Yeah. And for God to be broken, I would just say it's like. It's gonna happen. Yeah.
Feel the brokenness in your own heart. Feel the hurt, feel the pain. And then go, okay, then how do we move forward? And go, how do I love them in such a way that God loves me?
So something happened in you when you said that. You just replay you pray the conversations where my daughter in college is just working out her own sinful nature. Yeah. And you get shocked and you go, that's not how we raised you. And that's not how you've presented yourself to us.
And then you find out the real story. My son in high school and Catching him with weed again. Yeah. And How do you deal with in that moment? How do you bring him back to God?
The goal isn't to make my life better in this moment, or to be embarrassed because of how he. Yeah. We got a call from my mom. basically outing one of our kids. Wow.
Man, you talk about embarrassing. Yeah. And you're you're starting thinking about your perception management where and you're in ministry and all this kind of stuff, and you're feeling all that. And you all you feel is anger. Like, how could my kid do this to me?
And it's like you got to step back from that and go, we all do that. Yeah. Yeah. So now, how do I draw them back to God in this moment? Still give them discipline.
They got to have consequences, right? But my goal isn't to make my life better now and more orderly from what the chaos that they just brought in. My goal now is to move through that chaos and connect them to a savior. Yeah. And leave that impression.
It's easy to think as a parent, your goal is to have a perfect, righteous son or daughter when they're 18. Yeah. That's not the goal, Jesus. You know, and so you sort of parent in a way that you don't want them to ruin your reputation in high school, right? And you put this pressure on them, and it's like, no, the goal is that when they're 30 or 40, you know, and maybe this fall that they're taking is God's journey to get them to be the man of God you're hoping they're going to be in their 30s.
Again, I'm not, and that, and then when I had a 30-year-old, I'm like, when they're 40, you know, it's like you keep pushing them back, you know, but it isn't. I think we get stuck in, especially as Christian parents, that we have to have this, they're reflecting us more than their own life. It's how am I looking as a parent, especially when you're in ministry, and that's so wrong. I, you know, I would say to a young dad, and we've already talked about it, when you. Feel the nudge.
Or even the thought, and it could be the Holy Spirit. I should pray with her, pray. That's good. Or I should open the word of God with my son. He's 10, he's 15, he's 18.
Do it. Yeah, don't brush it over. Wait a day. Don't even wait an hour. Great.
That's you. That's the Holy Spirit, right? That's who you're talking about. Yeah. And I just know that there were so many of those.
I look back that I thought I'll do it later today or later tomorrow. The moment's gone, the day's gone, the week's gone, the year's gone. And you know, I used to hear, and you guys know the same thing. You hear older dads when you're in your 30s or 40s go, oh man, it's going to, you're going to blink, they're going to be gone. I'm like, yeah, whatever.
This is for forever. You know, you're changing diapers. It just feels like, and then you blink and you're like, how many days did I miss? I know. I wish I had put a visual reminder, a visual reminder of how quick it's passing.
Somebody gave the illustration of they put a marble in, a marvel for every week of your kid's life. And then you just take one out every week. Yeah. And you start to see. You start to see that my time is going.
Wow. And it helps you just get a reminder that it's, you know, wow, it's called today. Yeah. Yeah. Wow, it's called today.
How do we do today? Yeah. Last thing we'll talk about. Legacy. And I don't know what you think of this verse in Exodus 20.
It's in the Ten Commandments. It's actually the second commandment: you shall not make a false image. And then he ends it with, I'm a jealous God who will visit the sins of the Father on the third and fourth generation. And most people stop there and don't realize verse five says, and To a thousand generations, I will bless for the father that obeys and loves my commands.
So, we only think of the sins of the father, but there is a truth there that's not an idea. It's a it will happen. Our sins are going down our generation for several generations unless we stop them. In other words, I don't know what your dad gave you, but mine was not good. It was abuse and alcohol and adultery and divorce.
And so, I had this drive, especially as I got involved with family life. They gave me a vision for what family or what marriage and family could be. Dennis Raining became a role model. I didn't know him very well. I'm like, I want that.
I've never seen that.
So, I had something to look at, but I was like, We got to stop this. You know, the Wilson name has to change from this to something else. Others get a godly legacy and you continue it. What's your journey? Because now your kids are living out.
You either stopped it and tried to change something from ungodly to godly, or you had godly and you continued it. But I know it's visceral for me. I hear the word legacy and I'm like, I got to be a legacy changer, you know, and now I'm starting to see some of the ripple effects. I just preached Sunday with my son. Oh, wow.
We got to do a thousand men breakfast with 11 Detroit Lions and a couple of, it was really just this men's thing. And I'm sitting there and I turn to him. I go, Cody, I can't believe we're doing it. Do you know what this feels like to be able to do this with my son thinking of where I came from?
So I'm, yeah, I got a little glimpse of, oh, God has done something. What do you connect with when you hear that? Not my story, but the whole. I was going to say, I wanted to be in that moment. Yeah, that message.
It was fun. That's really cool. First of all, I just felt the weight of that. Yeah. That's weighty.
Yeah, it is. It is. You know what I mean? What do you mean, weighty? It's weighty to know that.
The impact that I have on my children as a dad, negative, positive, whatever it is, it's a huge impact. Even when you hear the word father wounds, you think. Am I wounding this? Yeah. It's a heavy weight.
It's weight. It's weighty. But at the same time, I'm thinking about. The non-examples I had and humans, right? My father was a human, my mom was human.
We do a lot of dumb and sinful and bad stuff. We do a lot of beautiful things.
So, again, it's just for me, it just goes back to trusting that God loves my kids more than I ever could.
So, just to do the next right thing, you know, as I take steps of obedience. and repentance You know, I've always said, like, I don't care about like my name being remembered, but I would love for my boys, my wife. to remember me of someone who was after Jesus' heart. Yeah. And if I can demonstrate that in Pass that on.
In the ways that I repent, and the ways that I am intentional about showing them, hey, like. This is you know sharing the testimony. What's that passage that talks about we were overcome by the power of the blood? It's revelation by the blood of the living. And the word of the testimony.
Like sharing that with my boys. Like, this isn't the trials and difficulties.
So, having like remembering also that great cloud of witnesses, I think that's what I'm alluding to. Like, the things my mom overcame, and her mom, and my wife's mom, and her dad, the things they've overcome, remembering the Moses's and the Abrahams and the things that they overcame. On their journey, so that we can look to the author and perfecter of our faith, my kids' faith. And run this race. Yeah.
Because this ain't easy. It's an endurance race. Man, it's the long game. Yeah, it's a long one. I think for me when I think of Legacy, thinking about where I come from.
And I used to be really angry with my parents. I didn't grow up with either one of my parents, really. They were just not there, they had their own struggles. They did the best they could with the information that they had. That's why I just leave it up to.
They had some wrong information, which led them down some really bad decisions. And God was able to redeem that to pull me to where I am right now. Um so I'm thankful for that. And I think the legacy I always want to leave with my kids is that No matter what. Trust God with wherever you're going.
And I'm always constantly in the back of my mind is Numbers 23:19. And I love that story because you got Balak and Balaam, and he's sitting there and he's trying to curse the people of God. And God was like, No, you're not going to do that. And then there's just one thing and he's like, man, I can only do what God says to do. And you got to think, he's being paid to curse these people.
The curse of God's people, and God is talking to him. And he's like, Man, I you can pay me whatever you want to pay me. I still got to do what he says, I got to do. And there's this one line in this verse 19: he says, God is not a man that he should lie, nor the son of man that he should repent. If he said it, he's going to do it.
If he promised it, he's going to make it good. And that's that's the motto that I live by. I said, God said he's going to take care of it somehow, some way. We're just going to have to deal with that. And so, I lean into that pretty heavy with my kids because.
I want them to know that I don't have any of the answers, really. I don't have any of the answers worked out. I'm going to make mistakes. I'm going to try to do the best I can. But at the end of the day, lean into God and if If he says do it, do it.
Well, whenever you say the word legacy, and I think about fathers and sons and what has been passed on, it's like Proverbs 17:6 says, The glory of the children is their father. And glory, you know, kavod in the Hebrew is weight. And that weight can be positive and it can be negative. And I think about my dad. And I remember when I was 16 years old, we were going to where my dad grew up, and he grew up poor dirt farmer in North Carolina.
His dad didn't make a lot of money. His dad died when I was probably seven or eight. I didn't really know him very well. His mom died when he was 10.
So he grew up with a stepmom who was real sweet, and a hurricane had hit North Carolina and had destroyed this barn.
So he said, We're going to go down. I remember it because that's when my dad decided to finally have the sex talk with me.
So we get down to this barn, and everything's wrecked. And he says, just find something of value. Pull it out.
So I start, you know, finding rakes and shovels and all this stuff. And then I'm finding these mason jars. And so I start picking these mason jars out. And they have like this yellowish liquid. And I start stacking these mason jars.
And now it's kind of like a game. And I stack up, like it's like, Jenka, I stack up like 13 of them. And I look at my dad and I said, Dad, what are these? And he said, oh, That's my dad's homemade brew. And it was like in that moment at 16, I realized that my scrapbook looked a lot different than my dad's scrapbook.
Wow. Yeah. And when he, his dad was an angry drunk, and when he was eight years old, he told me a time where his dad came home and they lived in a small house, like a two-bedroom house. And so he heard his dad come home and he was yelling about something. And my dad just peeks out of the door and he sees his mom on the ground.
And his dad's saying, if you get up, I'm going to kill you. Wow. It's like my dad's taking a picture. Yeah. This is what manhood looks like.
This is what it looks like to be a man or a woman. And I just think I didn't have those pictures. My dad met Jesus. Yeah. Yeah.
And he's like, I'm not going to pass on the same scrapbook. Yeah. And I know there's pictures of my kids who would want to rip out of their scrapbook, too. Oh, man. It's not a perfect scrapbook.
Yeah. But I hope. That I'm able to just Pass on and stop that legacy and create a new legacy like you did. I mean, just hearing you and your son, it's like, that's amazing. I hope we can just pass on and just keep that going because you know that the other way that that story can go can be devastating.
Oh, yeah. And my dad had to overcome things I didn't have to overcome. Yeah. Thank God. Yeah.
It's interesting. When Cody and I were up there speaking. And we're sort of just going back and forth and uh i there was like freedom to say whatever you want, say what you want, Cody. And Cody tells a story at the end, which I remember, but I didn't know the impact on him. And it was we were invited a few years ago to go back to Ball State where I played college football and he played it.
a school in the same conference.
So he's going back to a place where he's caught some touchdowns and playing this golf outing, alumni golf outing.
So anyway, long story short, we I pull into a parking spot in front of the stadium and we're gonna go in and take pictures in the end zone, that kind of thing. But as we're sitting there, I just felt led by the spirit to tell him the story.
So I turned to Cody. And anyway, he tells this story to a thousand men. This way he goes, we pull in the sparking spot and dad turns to me and says, You know, before your mom, I was dating this girl for four years that I was going to marry. And we were doing things that weren't honoring God, but. I was in love with her when I was going to marry her.
And then I came to Christ. And everything changed. And then I go to see her and I catch her with another guy and it's over. And I meet your mom and we start dating and we're on this course. And it's months later.
And my old girlfriend shows up at Ball State. And she says, I went back. I've realized I made a mistake. And Cody says, So dad drives me out to this parking spot, and we are sitting in this spot at the stadium. He said, Dad turned to his girlfriend and said, I'm a new man.
I have a new life. We're done. I'm never going to talk to you again. Yeah. He goes, Dad, have you ever talked to her again?
I go, Nope. And he goes. He didn't know it, but in that moment I was born. In that moment, my life, the life I'm living. was made because my dad made a decision That he wasn't even thinking about me, but it has impacted not just me, but this church, this city.
Wow. And I just want to say to the men listening: do you realize every decision you make, the little ones, the big ones that you don't think, you think they're about you, they're probably about your legacy because every decision has a legacy. Who's made it more weighty? Yeah. No, I'm just saying you talk about weight.
I mean, we don't think about it. Don't think about it. It is a weight that's a privilege to carry because God has said, you guys. It's not about you. You're leaving a legacy, and someday your kids are going to tell stories about.
Private things you did that impacted them that you didn't even know. They didn't even think about. And it's not just a way for you to carry, right? It's like Jesus saying, Listen, I'm going to carry your burdens. Yeah.
And so we feel the burden, and all we do is get to give it back to Jesus. But when we hold on to it and we don't press in and make the decision and trust the spirit in the moment and confess and all the things that we talked about. Yeah, and none of that feels natural. Cody doesn't even know. Nobody knows, but in that moment, I was this close to saying, Okay, we're back.
Yeah. Because I really had a heart for her. I'm like, sure. Yeah. You're kidding me.
You realize you were wrong. I was this close, and it was just like, nope. Nope. This is a line in the sand, dude. And again, I had no idea the legacy of that, but we're all living that.
Every dad listening is living that. Every husband, man, we want to cheer them on, right? We're like, go for it, guys. Get men in your life, do the right things, live the life you can. You know, as a pastor, I have definitely felt the tension of serving marriages in our church.
I mean, it's a passion of ours, and you know, couples aren't falling apart, but they're not really connecting either.
So things can look fine on the surface or on the outside, but there's. Always some drift happening for sure underneath. And you see this as a leader, and you know, marriages need support, but figuring out what to do. Often it can feel overwhelming.
So we've walked with a lot of churches through this and most just need a simple place to start. And we have that for you.
So if you thought about doing a marriage event but didn't want to build it from scratch, this is a great way forward. When you purchase 10 or more workbooks, we'll include the full video study. Just use the code strong families. Did you hear that? Strong families.
That's one word. Yep. Through June 30th. And you can go to familylifetoday.com and click the link in the show notes and just again enter the discount code strong families. Let me tell you, strong families don't happen by accident.
Sometimes all it takes is one intentional step to help couples reconnect again. All right, let me ask you guys this. What's one thing you wish you'd known earlier? As a dad, I mean, you're all old guys now.
So, think back to when you're much younger. Is there something that comes to your mind? I wish I'd known this. What'd you say, George? You still look good, though.
Yeah, you do look good. You know what I'm saying? You got that hat on your head. Stop playing with me. I don't know if you realize that hat says 1954 on it.
Hey, oh man. That was when you were you born? No, not yet. Not yet. I'm not that old.
Not yet. Not yet. That's close.
Something I wish I had. I wish you had known earlier. I wish I'd known how to put the car seat in. Because that's got to be some of the most frustrating things ever. Just putting a car seat in was missing.
There's no course on that. Have you ever put the car seat in, put your son in the car seat, little baby? Yeah, they did. And didn't hook it to the seat. And when you stopped, the car seat flew through the air and he's stuck in it.
I gotta have a dust. Gotta have a dust. I got a story.
So her name is Zayla.
So this is my eight-year-old.
So she's in the back seat, and I'm driving. I think I got her. I buckled in and I take this turn. And you know, turn, and I'm still good. I look in the back, and she is laid over.
Carcy's over, she's over, and just staring at me like this. And I'm like, oh boy, I got to pull over somewhere fast because the seat wasn't bunked in. She's bunked in, but the seat wasn't bunking in. It was a mess. She still tells that story.
She says, Daddy, you got to take those cups a little slower. I'm like, it happened years ago. She does not care. She does not forget. I don't know if I can say this.
Oh, yeah, you can say it. You can say, George. We can edit it out. Yeah. I wish I would have known our door had a lock.
Uh-oh. Oh, man. Uh-oh. The door to our bedroom.
So, what happened? You didn't lock the door one time or ten times? I used to believe that that story time. No, no, no. That has happened.
Yeah. So that's your lesson. I wish I knew that. Yeah. There were a lot of things you could do.
You could lock the door. Bruce, you got one? I don't know. I was totally relating with the car seat thing. I've never done what you guys did where the car seat fell over, but we have definitely arrived at our destination to find the baby in the car seat, but not strapped into the car.
Oh, yeah. He just chilling. Oh, glad we drove Saints. Just prayers and Cheetos. Prayers and Cheetos.
That's the first time I've heard that. Praise God. Here's mine. Yeah. And this is just duh.
I wish I'd have known earlier that when my. Wife's up working. I should be up helping. Oh, man. We're going to say that one again.
That was a good one. You didn't know it. You didn't know that. We erased that. What kind of working are you talking about?
I mean, she's in the kitchen. I'm watching the game. It's like, seriously, can you come on and help me do the dishes? It'll take 10 minutes. I'm like, no, I can't.
It's fourth quarter. You know, the game's on the line. No. It's always fourth quarter, though. It's always when they need help.
You're like, wait a minute. No, I got to. I see that out, Dave. You don't want anybody to know that. I don't want your wife here this too.
That's a good one. No, that's one of the things I did say to my sons when I got married. I said, if she's up, you're up. Oh, yeah. Man, that says I'm your partner.
I mean, when our kids, when we were first married and we had our first baby, when he would cry in the middle of the night, she would turn to me, like, at least go get him because she was nursing. And I literally faked like I was asleep. I hate to admit it. After a while, she's like, I know you're not asleep. I'm like, yeah.
I'm like, I'm not going. How selfish can a guy be? Everyone has done that. Everyone. Oh, yeah, everything and everything.
I know that. No, no, I ain't done that one. I ain't done that. No, Bruce has done that. You've never done that.
You never fake sleep. No, not fake sleep. You just were asleep. No, no. I have faked myself.
Oh, what did you say? Like, I've done that before. I didn't hear that, but I've never faked sleep.
Well, you're a better man than me. Yeah. And let me just say, man, this has been a rich three days with these guys. I think what you guys have shared about marriage and family, and today, really about legacy. Is legacy changing.
So thanks, guys. And let me say, if we can help you, just go to familylife.com/slash parenting help. Yeah, man. Any way that we as a ministry can help you as dads and moms, we want to do that.
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Yeah.
