I think what the enemy does, and you guys have seen this, especially in the church world, is one of his goals is to create division. He hates what you have. He hates it. He does that in the world, he does that in the church so much. Us being honest with each other, humble before one another, and honoring one another.
I don't think hell can do anything with it. Because where can he get in?
Okay, so we're breaking new ground of family life today. I don't know if you guys know this. I don't think we've ever done three on the couch. Oh, yeah, this is the four off the couch. What do you call this?
Three on the couch. Be like a new game. This is a new day for us. It's sort of weird having three people. I mean, you're over here like our son.
I don't know what's happening. I'll take it. Are you trying to stay away from that? I'll take it. I will take it.
I like it. What time is due? And why am I the only guy without a hat on? Yeah, that's a problem. That's a problem.
We got to bring one next time. What's your shoe game, though? I got a shoe game. Yeah, you got shoe shoe game. I put those on eBay, baby.
Those were painted by some woman on eBay. Anyway, tell our listeners, and really, if you're just a listener, I hope you're a watcher watching this on YouTube who you guys are, how you're connected. I mean, we know you, but. They don't know you, so we'll start over here and go come around. Yeah, Philly.
Yeah, definitely Philly. Yeah, Ike Todd. Born and raised in North Field. Wait, wait, wait. Why aren't you wearing an Eagles hat right now?
Never. Never. You won the Super Bowl. He's a very expert individual. Listen, Joyce.
He's a furious individual. Except Eagles. Really? Why? Niners in football.
Yeah. Niners. Yes, sir. Why not the Eagles? Yeah.
Because they didn't have J Race. No, it's nothing like Niners. I mean, Eagles fans, and I can't stand them. I know. But I can't front like.
I was kind of proud. For the city, secretly, secretly, like my dad, he's getting older, so I want him to. Get some Super Bowls on his belt. I will say, Eagles fans. If you're in Philly, I'm not ripping on you, but they're pretty nasty.
They're passionate. No, no, no, no. I was on a sideline with the Lions for all these years. We go to Philly. I remember one time standing beside our head coach, Rod Marinelli, and I go, Hey, coach, like two minutes before a game, I feel so good.
We're going to blow them out. He goes, You're right. We're gonna, we got beat like 50 to three. It's unbelievable, and they were throwing stuff at us from the stands. It's scary in Philly.
No, it's real. It's real. Anyway, we never even got to know. We don't know anything about you except Philly. Come on, tell us.
Well, that's pretty much. I mean, the best thing about me is that I'm Adeanisi's husband. Oh, so. That's a good one. You've been racking them parts up this week.
I love you. You've been doing good. How many years have you been married? Eight. Because next year we were just talking about it.
We can help you. That you gotta get right. We was literally just talking about how we just celebrate our tip of it. Yeah, next year will be tiny. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your anniversary? I'm putting him in the video. March 12th. Yes. We just had it.
Yeah, we did. You just had it and you can't remember the number. Listen. Listen. We don't remember a lot of people.
We just had a baby and it threw everything on. Everything off. We'll give you great money. Nothing else matters right now at all. My little mama.
We're actually missing her right now because this is the first time she's staying over grandmom's overnight. Is this your first baby? Yes, it's our first baby. How old is she? She is 10 months.
Not 10 months. She's going to be 10 months. She is going to be 10 months on the 29th. Yes. Okay.
She'll be 10 months on the 29th. Yes. That's fun. Absolutely.
So, yeah. Where was I? Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. And you said the best part of your life, right?
That is the best part. Yes. So when it comes to the baby, we were. Mm. Struggling with infertility for seven years.
So that's a huge, huge, huge, huge deal. Yeah. And that's why nothing else matters right now to us. That's why we just all over the place 'cause we just in love with our daughter.
So Your six-month, eight-month, nine-month, ten-month daughter, whatever she is.
Somewhere in there. That's really sweet. That's a big reason to celebrate. Yeah. You've waited a while.
So, where did you grow up and how did you guys meet? Ah! Yes. It's a great story. It's a really great story.
So I actually grew up, I was born in Puerto Rico, Dominican parents, raised pretty much in Tampa, Florida, until I was 17. And then at 17, my dad got called to open up a church in Brandon.
So we've been, I've been church planting all my life.
So since 17 years old, we planted the church CLS in Brandon. Cristo la senda. But then I met my husband through Instagram. What? Yes.
So see what had happened was, see, let me explain. Yeah, we got to know. Does he have like Instagram game? What's going on? He's nice with it and I'm super clumsy.
And very, so, well, yeah, he, um, some, we don't know how because we have no mutuals. We have, we don't know it's God. That's the only thing that we can say it was the Lord. Um, somehow. Mm-hmm.
Like, I found his page, or he found my, I can't remember how, but basically, what happened was that I went onto his page and he just loves Jesus so much that his whole page was just like theology. And at that time, I was so starved for it. And, like, I, so I was going through his page, and I had went deep, guys, like really deep, but I forgot that I was on his page. And so then I just started liking a bunch of stuff, like, amen, yeah, yes, Piper, whoever, yes, all of these people, yes, so I was like, well, maybe, I don't know, yeah, um, it was, it was people that were like amazing, and he, and then like a couple of minutes later, I get a notification on my Instagram that he had screenshotted all of my likes and said, shout out to Adianisis for all the love. And I was mortified.
Um, and so all her likes, it was no pictures of me, it was just like quotes and stuff. It was quotes and stuff. I forgot that I was on. Wait, I want to get Ike's perspective of what he was thinking. Did you check her out?
Yeah, I did.
So I went back on her page and started clicking likes, but it was pictures of her. Yeah, so she was just clicking pictures of quotes and stuff. I was liking pictures of her. Yeah. So it's very clear.
Very, very clear. You might be the first couple I've ever met that met that way. I mean, there's probably 100 people. No, they had a bunch of Lions couples that did. I don't know.
They don't tell me. But who reached out to who first? I think I reached out to him in the sense I was like, I promise you, I'm not a stalker. I'm so sorry. And then, yeah, and then he had made a post about praying for.
For somebody. And so I had a comment: like, we're praying or whatever. And then it was a bunch of people actually praying for this one. girl or someone who was like into Hebrew-Israelite stuff.
So everybody was praying for her, and we were a part of that group praying for her. Yeah. So then in the comments, it was just people making. Just like a discussion. Yeah.
And then at some point we took our discussion to the DM. Yes, I did have it. Yes, I did have it. Let me ask you, ECs, when you started to get to know Ike, got married to him, was he the real deal? Like, did his page truly reflect who he was spiritually?
Oh, 100%. We were long distance for the majority of our relationship. And so I think we spent maybe a total of three weeks within the same physical space before we got married. And it was because he led me. Like, that was the main thing.
I remember. The first time that I knew that this was like from the Lord was because he. Mm-hmm. He had, he had kind of professed that he wanted to pursue me and that he wanted to date, like court me, like the very Christian word, like court me. Um, but he wouldn't have used that word.
But um, and I was, I had felt in my spirit that the Lord was telling me that I needed to like stop talking to dudes, I just needed to hide myself in him. And so, I was like, so I sent him a text message, and I was like, listen, I just. which is what I always do. I overexplain, like, you don't, you don't really like me. You just like the idea of me.
You don't really know me. Like, I feel like, you know, I just wanna, and so I was giving him all these reasons as to like, why not to be in a relationship with me or why this isn't right. And he texts me back like, hey, that's fine, but can I call you tomorrow? And in my mind, I was like, okay, here he goes. He's going to try to persuade me.
He's going to try to convince me. And so I was preparing myself to like. be like bold and to be convicting and say no. And when he called me, he's like, yeah, yeah, that's cool. You don't have to like date me, but I just want you to know like.
You don't have to give me a reason, your no is enough, and he just. Pretty much corrected me in a sense, like just protectiveness. And in my mind, I was just waiting for him to stop talking so I could tell him off. Like, who do you think you are to tell me what I can and cannot do? And as soon as I went to open my mouth, I felt, I heard the Holy Spirit tell me, stop talking and submit.
And when I felt that, I don't submit to any other man except for my dad. Like at that point, like as my pastor and as my father. And so to feel that in my heart, like. No, you need to stop talking and submit to this was, oh, okay. Wow.
So then after that, it's just been a life of that, of joy. Submission. Yeah, of joy, submission, protection, covering, leadership. Like, it's. I like that you put those words along with each other.
Yeah, it's been amazing. Yeah. Okay, guys. First couple on the couch. Yeah.
Yeah. Recap Gray. This is Brittany. I don't know how I do this joint, but yeah, this is Brittany, my beautiful wife. How many years?
Uh we will be sixteen this year. Am I tripping on that? No, you are. 16 years this year. In August?
In August. And yeah, been the ride of our lives for real, for real, for real. We got four kids. Aaron Zapora. Jonathan Hadassah Uh fifteen Fourteen.
Five And four.
Okay. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, and yeah, we we met.
So, part of our story, too, um, is.
So And I can share a lot more about his whole background musically, but Um I met Ike when he came back to Philly because he left for. How long was you in LA? Two years. Two years. So I met him when he came back to Philly.
He started coming to the church that I was a part of. And it was actually Adianises, who I learned later appointed him to go to that church. Am I right about that? No, I just want to. To become a member.
To become a member. She was pushing him to become a member. Doesn't sound very submissive. Adam's helper. Being a home in a homemade.
We still did that. I'm so glad she did, though, because he locked in on a small group I was in. It had to be twenty like early twenty fifteen when me and Ike really locked in. Which geez, that's like 10 years. But uh long story short on that, so like um yeah, we was we was already um I guess like on staff at the the church there.
And um me and him locked in and Like, it just, I don't know. There are certain people you meet where you just, like, know. It's funny, actually, when I first first, like first day I met him, I didn't like him because I knew he was into hip-hop. And I had like some, not because I'm a hip-hop head, love hip-hop, but Christian hip-hop, I just had some like stuff with it. You know what I mean?
And it's a lot, it's a long story with that. But when I first met him, it was like, nah, I don't do, like, I don't bang with musicians like that no more. But it was like, I don't know, a few weeks later, he was saying something in the group and I was sharing that I was about to preach. And he just was like, yo, I know you're about to preach. What does that look like?
So I was like, well, meet me here and let's talk about it. And ever Saturday. No, no, I ain't saying like that. I said he asked for prayer because he was about to preach that coming Sunday.
So this was Wednesday, it was at a small group. He asked for prayer. Saturday morning was a men's Bible study. Hey. You mentioned, you know, you needed prayer 'cause you Preaching this weekend.
Uh when you get a chance, I love to know just what's what's involved in that. What what What was going on? You seemed like you were struggling through some things. What is that like to prepare a sermon? And he said.
Why? I'm like, I just curious. I just want to know. He was like, yeah, but why? I just want to know.
I'm like, that sounds very bad. That's the real thing. But why? No context. But why?
You don't know if it's good or bad. Like, if you're in trouble, it's just the why. I don't care about the why. What was that question? Nobody asks about sermon prep unless you feel called to sermon prep.
Exactly, unless you're like a preacher. I didn't know. I just thought I was genuinely curious. I just want to know. So then he's just like, what you doing Tuesday?
So we start meeting, and that was. I think you genuinely did not think that what you were interested in was abnormal. I had no idea. We were the ones that had to say, like, you desire to study theology all day long. I was gonna say, based on your Instagram post, it makes sense.
But I was just I got saved in 2011, 2011.
So I was just fresh and I thought this was normal. I thought everybody wanted to study the scriptures all day, every day, and talk about theology and all those things. They should. And that's what she said. She was like, no, everybody should read these people, but you love it.
So she was like, God is calling you. Also, he didn't get saved in a church. He got saved in his apartment watching YouTube.
So he, so even him becoming a part of the congregation or become a member was because he didn't grow up in the church.
So even that concept was like new to him.
So I was like, no, no, no, you, you, you don't just go, you have to become a member at a church. You should become a member of a church. And so that was, yeah, so it was a lot of. Yeah, it was a new world for him, and so that was really cool to walk with him with that. Man, you know, I hear that and I'm thinking, what if somebody's watching this on YouTube?
Yeah, and they come to Christ. I mean, God uses all vehicles. Wow, what a story. Let's hear Demetrius. Let's hear your story.
That's going to be part of my trauma later. You know, I get forgotten. I'm just playing.
Well, because you're Alabama. You're not forgotten.
Son, we don't forget it. That's what I'm saying. You guys are lost to me. But no, I'm Demetrius from Alabama. And I kind of share Pastor Ike's sentiments.
I think Alabama fans are some of the worst, which is why I don't. Follow them. Really? And you're from Alabama? I know.
I thought you had to be. I know. It's seen for Alabamian. No, I'm not a fan of the Crimson Titan. Nick Sabin's not your personal savior or anything.
He's not. And I don't have any statues or relics or anything like that. I was not at the coronation. Hey, Relics is crazy. I was not at the coronation when he was driving away from the city.
I was at the house. And so I actually met Pastor Recab in 2021, the week that my mom passed away. Just me being the. Do what's right, rule follower. He was actually preaching at a church that I was serving at, and they wanted the elders to meet him.
And so, I just went to the church that Sunday. And to be honest, it was like the Lord set it up because even the way we dressed that day, I needed him to have on the outfit he had on because we probably wouldn't have talked, which is a whole nother and another podcast conversation. I think so. Can you just tell us what did he have on? I remember it was the tennis shoes and the all-black.
And then I think I had on all black with an Adidas shoe. And he had a cap. And for me, in that time specifically, in that space, that was important to see someone like me who shared. story and history and things like that. And I remember we had one conversation and when he brought up Fred Hammond, which is one of our favorite gospel artists, I was like, okay, this dude can be a friend.
And then after having other conversations We like to say we had like a conversation that was kind of similar to Mary and Elizabeth, where like our spiritual babies jumped, and I was like, This is gonna be an actual brother and a friend. And then through that, I met Ike and Ari and Britt and the Lord at a time where. I thought that true friendship would not be able to happen again. The Lord was like, No, I got you. And I love these people dearly with my heart.
And you were an elder at the church? I was an elder at the church. Were you a worship leader as well? Or were you doing anything musically? In that season, I was not.
I was not the worship leader. I was an elder helping out wife and elders. We all had the same reaction. Literally. Yeah.
Yeah. We all said the same thing. Wow.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very confusing.
Very, very, very confusing time. Yeah, yeah. It was a confusing time in general for me. Lost my brother 11 months before losing my mom. Then later that year, I would have lost my uncle.
Had a church situation that changed that I helped to plant and launch. And so honestly, I I say a lot of times like The friendships here were like that voice of resurrection in the middle of like a dark time. And so, um, I just thank the Lord for His faithfulness and not forgetting me. Amen. And part of that too is, so I met.
Plus the meets when Uh It was coming out of our dark season of almost losing our daughter.
So We was both like reeling from this past season, like losing his mom. The week before that's when you guys and we literally met the week of the week of and then I was It had to be like maybe a couple of months after she Made it back home. And your story, you guys, Brittany and Recap, is compelling. We had you on Family Life Today and interviewed you about that. Like you have walked through some dark, hard things.
Yeah. So, but you guys met in the midst of all that. Hard things. And then, to be honest, all of us were walking through things because they were still in the middle of the desiring, you know, a baby and all of that. And I just think it was different than trauma bonding because these people still had like such a hold to Jesus.
And I think that's the thing that gave us a respect for each other. Like if a person can suffer well, I know that these are people that I could ride with. And so just to see their faith encourage my faith. And then I would think the same thing as we were all like journeying through hard stuff. And which also made the church plant feel really like, Lord, can you give us at least five years?
Let us go and get to know each other and all this stuff. Kind of stuff and the love was like, Yep, 20, 22. But yeah, yeah, yeah.
So talk about the church, how you started it. Yeah, so it wasn't me, it was Pastor Ike.
So we was in Des Moines, Iowa. Uh we All the four of us. Um Man, it's such a crazy story.
So when we first started locking in, Um Yeah, just like Again, it's those relationships that like you can't Pry yourself away from.
So from that relationship, Uh, found out that they was dating. Been engaged. He found out like after we got engaged. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, snap.
Move in. He refused to do our wedding. Yes. Yeah. No, no, no.
He refused to do our wedding. No, no, no, no. He did. No, no, no. This is a sacred couch.
No, no. No, no, no, no, no. He invited him multiple times. I believe in them right now. That takes some offense.
We're very. You guys are going to go walk us through this. What do you mean you wouldn't do it?
So after not receiving an invite. Oh, my God. Yeah. They gave us our premarital counseling.
So that's also there. They were the one who gave us our premarital counseling. But he wouldn't marry you. No. No, no, no.
How are you guys going with that side? I don't know. Did he marry you? No. No.
Okay. There it is. I think you're right. You might want to fucking. I'll just let them have.
Because they say I was at a speaking engagement. That the calendar doesn't actually agree with. No, I think, I think, honestly, for me, like, I, we were, I was like, I didn't know if we could ask because they were in Philly. And then, how do we get them here? How do we, like, do we, we, we were broke, we couldn't afford it to get married.
So, like, how do we get him here? Could we? Do we ask? Like, and so there was all of that. And in between that, and because we also weren't having a long engagement, so in between all of that, I think it all got mixed in.
And now we really deeply regret the fact that our brother did not marry us. And so, but it's also something that we joke around on. Yeah, we joined that. But, but, seriously, like, I remember them getting married, and I can genuinely say this, like. Part of what made them so quickly even closer is because her heart posture coming in.
It's like me and Ike locked in, but that don't got nothing to do with like the four of us. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And so I'm sure like any listener knows, like, You can have that relationship with, like, the dudes is like tight, and then the ladies is like, why do I have to read that? Or it could be vice versa, you know what I mean?
Like, but she was so. Just coming in humble, like just wanting to learn. And it was just, it was just, it just clicked really quickly. And so, by the grace of the Lord, because of that, we started doing ministry together at the church we were at. And then, through a crazy series of events, the four of us with our two kids at the time moved all the way out to Iowa together.
So we going from Philly. North Philly specifically, all the way out to Iowa together. And that was tears, laughter. Pain, joy, everything mixed in with all of that. And I think when you have those experiences of leaving.
Like for me, the only city I've ever loved, um Yeah, it was so, so, so tough. I don't think we would have. Not just thrive. I don't think we would have made it without each other. Without each other.
Oh, 100%. There was no way. It's interesting that you all met. through some pain and hard things. When most people when you struggle and go through pain, a lot of times you isolate and withdraw.
But you didn't. Like you all were bonding through some of that. Do you think what you have is unusual? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
But sad though, that's sad though. Yeah, that's sad. Yeah. We've learnt that it's unusual. Yeah.
Okay. Why is it unusual? Why do not, why do people not. Yeah. Because we want to help people get what you're talking about.
Everybody wants what you have. They're not sure how to go about finding it. We just committed to. To sticking through it, yeah. I was gonna.
We always talk about not leaving the table. What does that mean? Don't leave the table. Yeah, so. Yeah, I was gonna say this, we we so we argue.
Yes. And like, I'm talking about, like, you know what I mean? Like, we disagree and we disagree. We do like a sport. And they argue like a big sport.
Like, it'd be the smallest thing and the biggest thing.
So he, like, Jay, I like M. He likes LeBron. Jay-Z.
Okay, thank you. I got you. I got you. So, yeah, we like the bad boys. We're in Detroit.
You know what I mean? We're Dennis Rodman. We're Isaiah. The one Jordan poo-pooed on later.
So he's different.
So we argue and we argue deeply, but. You know, even in front of people, like, they could be like, Yo, are y'all okay? We'll be like, Yeah, we're getting done in the night. But for others, it can feel like, yo, like, the. It should make it uneasy if y'all are disagreeing so much.
And now it's like: if we don't disagree, but we have disagreements, all that is distance because you're not telling the person that you actually disagree. And in that distance, I think that's where you start to demonize even people that you are supposed to be deep friends with. And so, what we've done is just like, yo, let's keep a short record. Say what you got to say. Say it straight, and if we got to fight about it, we're going to fight about it because we know we're not leaving the table.
And that has been, um, I think the thing that has kept the five of us honestly. Even starting this church, it was like a lot of arguments, a lot of disagreements. We don't all come from the same church background. We were laughing early. I was laughing early, yeah.
Pastor Meese comes from a deep church background. I thought I was church, and I not even. Yanisi's is like church, church, church, church, but in Spanish. And then German. That's actually everything.
And I think what bonds us is the willingness to go to the table and say, here's what we're feeling. Here's how I feel. I don't like this. I do like this. And You know, especially amongst not just different cultures here, but like different genders, that could be very, very challenging and stressful.
And here's the word that we all hate: awkward. Yeah. I think a lot of times relationships and friendships don't go where they need to go simply because we're afraid of the awkwardness. Of straightforward disagreement. But if you can make it past the waters, the murky waters of awkwardness and disagreement, on the other side of that, all you do is get build a closer and closer and closer and closer and closer and more unbreakable bond.
It's like a marriage. It is. It is. You know, you're staying in it no matter what. Why do you think people leave the table, generally speaking?
I I think there's a lack of of trust. Um like I think like If Brittany or Recap or Meach do something that I don't, that rubs me the wrong way or might offend me or that I just don't understand, I deeply trust their time with the Lord and I deeply trust their character. And so when something happens that doesn't match up with that, it's, hey, can you help me understand why, like, why that doesn't match up or like, help me understand what you were trying to do here or stuff like that. And then, because we're coming with a desire to understand as opposed to be understood or for you to know that you've hurt me, but rather we're always seeking reconciliation, always seeking understanding, always seeking, and we trust each other's characters and times with the Lord, that it makes it possible for us to enter into that. And so, like, you know, we assume the best.
And so, if you don't, if a relationship doesn't have Jesus at the center of it, if you can't trust each other's times with Jesus, then yeah. This is not going to work, but I trust each and every single person's time with the Lord. I don't want to like. I don't want to oversimplify it, but we do fear God. Yeah.
We have to reconcile. There's not that of obedience. There's no other choice. We have to reconcile. So that's what we mean by not leaving the table.
Like, I can't just harbor bitterness. I have to say this at some point. Yeah. Because if not, it's gonna Turn into some type of sin or something that's going to blow up.
So we have to talk about it. We just talk about it in the car. After this, we got to talk. Yeah. Yeah.
So it's like, we, we're not. We don't not argue. We don't not fight. We don't sweep things under the rug. No, we deal with it and then we go and eat.
Yeah. That's the road shit. Yeah, that's shit. A lot of food. Foot has been very instrumental.
And I'll even say this to honor. When you honor a person. You don't objectify them. Because what happens is when they become an object to me. I'll kick a ball around.
But when I honor them, first off, as being made in the image of the Lord that I fear. I'm looking in the eyes of somebody that the Lord made and he loves. And then we have the fear of the Lord. Then we have like our love and respect for each other, our respect for their walk with the Lord. All of that kind of stuff makes that gumbo that helps us really.
Uh, maintain it's not easy, so we're not sitting up here saying every single thing has been perfect and easy, but we are saying that we have been faithful to like really we have hard conversations, tough conversations, and because we have that commitment first to the Lord, then to each other, um, and to the scriptures, yeah, like. How much scripture Like, it is used between this group of people. I've not had it like that. As a matter of fact, I've had. Things in the past where it was like, oh, we knew you were going to bring a scripture.
Mm-hmm. These people, we expect it. You want it? We want it because we all fear the Lord. Faithful are the wounds of a friend and profuse.
I love the CSB: excessive are the kisses of the enemy. And it's like when you're not dealing with yourself before the Lord, when you're not dealing with your insecurities, when you're not dealing with your fears and anxieties that we all bring to the table, you will prefer excessive flattery than rebuke. He said, Faithful are the wounds, but profuse are the kisses of an enemy. And some of us are so. Carnal That we prefer kisses that are excessive because it makes us feel good than the faithful wounds of a friend.
And I have, and for me, being the single in the group. Friendship has been the thing for me because I don't have a spouse.
So the body of Christ and developing, cultivating friendships has had to be the apex of my community. I'm literally called to be a part. Of a body. And I think that's something too. Like we're called to be a part of a body, God saves us.
And then we're saved into a family, and so even for my single friends out there that are listening, it's like, no, we need community. I was just reading through the Proverbs, which this morning I was listening through the Proverbs, and it kind of was a funny moment because I had just preached on the genealogy of Jesus and I was thinking about Solomon and how he started so well and then how he ended. And then I'm listening to his wisdom.
So you can know a bunch of stuff and not practice that which you know, and you can end up in ruins. But something that he said was like, when you isolate yourself, you're headed toward destruction. Wow.
Crazy. It says in Psalm 68 that he places the lonely in family, but the rebellious are in a sun-scorched land. Wow.
And it's like when you think about that kind of stuff, like I need people, we need each other. We don't just like each other, we need each other. Pastor Ike has a faith and like a sternness. I got to see that while he was Praying for a baby. I got to see like a sturdy faith.
You know? Yeah. Um, Airy. I got to see a lady who was Can I even say this real quick? Like.
Okay. On an area, and I love for her to speak to this. Like, so humility, honesty, honor. Has been three things that I think I think every relationship requires Say it again, humility. Humility.
Honesty. Honor. You're a preacher, three H's. Right. You ain't got to do it.
I mean, I mean, hit it. What do you mean, humility? What do you mean, honor? You know what's interesting? Do you guys know the root in the Hebrew of honor?
Not to lose. Word means bend the knee.
So the picture is when you honor someone, you are, you know, when you bend a knee to somebody, you're like, I'm in the presence of somebody extremely valuable. That's what honor is. It's just, you know, no matter what I'm having a disagreement, even if we're in a fight, it's like, you still are extremely valuable. Think about that in your marriage or with your kids, but obviously. Listen to you guys, I'm like, there it is.
Humility. Yep. Go. Yeah, no, and defined by Philippians chapter 2.
So Paul says, if you want to complete my joy. have the same mind, the same love, being full accord and of one mind, He says, Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others as more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. And then he says, Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped. But the the that that two part Don't do something from ambition.
But count others as more significant. It's inherently humbling. when you honor others. But you can't do both at the same time. You can't honor Yourself and try to honor others, and you can't be humbling somebody and try to stay humble.
I think we have a very self-care, self-exalt, self-build up culture. And I wonder what would happen. If instead of trying to serve my own needs, I serve others' needs and they're doing the same. When that happens, I never have to fight for my own honor because I'm getting it from somebody else and vice versa. The reason why we fight for our own honor, though, is because others are not actually giving it to us.
So we feel like there's a void. But when you're constantly being honored by the other, Then I don't need to fight for my own, think about me, respect. No, they're already doing this, that, and I'm going to be, I'm going into the conversation doing the same thing.
So I think humility and honor go hand in hand, but then honesty is where it all breaks down. Because You can Try to honor somebody with lies, and that's flattery.
So it's not actually being honest about what you're honoring, you're just saying what they want you to. What you think they want you to say and what they want to hear, so that you can actually serve yourself and your own desires. But on the flip end, you could go about behind their back and say something that's like not true either. That's gossip. And so, and I think, and I think the other side of that is like, You can also build up.
with lies, but you can also not Check them and challenge them with not telling the truth. That's why, like, Ephesians 4 says, Let each one of us speak the truth to our neighbor because we are members of one another. And I think that there's a void of telling the truth to your neighbor. And so, what do you do when you actually start to tell the truth? Like, Ike, nah, like, last week, that joint was like, not good.
If he hears that only from a standpoint of like challenge, conviction, and almost condemnation. And there's no honor tied to it, it's going to be nothing but defeating. But if I can like honor him as I'm giving him the honest feedback, then there's a reason to receive what's being said. But here's the humility. And as soon as I check him, I got to be ready to be checked too, though.
And you put those three things together. I literally think hell doesn't have. Uh A solution for that problem. Like, hell has no scheme against the body of Christ and in relationships, us being honest with each other, humble before one another, and honoring one another. I don't think hell can do anything with it.
Because where can he get in?
I think what the enemy does, and you guys have seen this, especially in church world, is one of his goals is to create division. Yes, and he does that in the world, he does that in the church so much. He hates what you have, he hates it. But we've been in church world to see sometimes. This part, Satan will do anything to divide you.
So, when it comes to these topics of humility and honor, when you go into that. How do you not become jealous of the fame or the attention one of you is getting because you've got that little whisper in your ear? Oh. He's better than you. He's getting more attention.
That insecure part riles its head, you know, brings its ugly head up. How have you dealt with that?
Well, I'm going to ask my wife: like, can you speak to when? We did get pregnant with Jonathan. Just the way Ari served you. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry, don't you? Yeah.
Well, the Such a long, it's so much, so intricate of a story. Um, but long story short, um. I mean, even through our miscarriages, you were there.
So we had gone through a couple of miscarriages and. We had two miscarriages, pregnant again. Um And this is, um, we already had two beautiful kids, so you know, um. We I mean, immediately you were by my side During the pregnancy test, she was there. She was I didn't want to take the pregnancy test.
I didn't, I was nervous that this was gonna, you know, not gonna work again. I literally took the pregnancy test, brought it to your house, or did I take it at your house? I took it at my house. I took it at her house. And she read the results for me and, you know, and told us we're going to have another baby.
And And I've seen this personally, this can wreck a relationship. When one person gets pregnant, you've been trying to get pregnant, and your friend gets pregnant. And I've seen relationships, it's so painful that I've seen women back out of the situation. How did you not do that? Adrianisis had seen multiple pregnancies throughout our small group of small group of friends.
I mean It was like three, maybe you had seen already, just with our small group of friends. It was insane. I, it was. It was crazy because I knew you had started, you were trying to get pregnant. You guys were open to having more children.
And immediately when I knew that, I was like, Lord, please let me get pregnant with Brittany. Please be the greatest thing for us to be pregnant at the same time. And at the time, I had another friend whose name was Brittany as well, who we were really close with. And like, I was just like, Lord, please let me be pregnant with Brittany. Please let me be pregnant with Brittany.
Turns out they too got pregnant at the same time. And they were the closest females that I had, like the closest friends that I had to me. And in the midst of. Like infertility in a sense of like Not just not getting pregnant, but thinking we're pregnant and not being pregnant, like the, and not getting answers because we couldn't. Just having bad experiences with doctors and things like that.
And so there was a sense of hopelessness in that, but. Yeah. I mean, has there been a sense ever I mean, I don't how many years has this Ben for you guys been together such good friends we said ten fronts and then maybe four years three four yeah four years yeah I mean has there ever been a time where you hang out or whatever and then you go home and the wife or the husband you say stuff about the others Where it's like, hey, I can't believe she said that, or I can't believe you said that, or has there any ever been like, ah, this thing, and what do you do with it? For sure, there's been, I think, discussions that we have had. Um and I'm sure they have had Where it's like, I don't know how that went.
But usually after the conversation is gone that way, It's like So, when do we are we gonna call them? Yeah, so it's gonna be on FaceTime. Yeah, so like we're literally we'll just be dumb late, dumb late at night. Like, we just got away from each other. It's like, I don't know about that.
And we like, yo, y'all, y'all still up? Yeah. And it's just got to be a FaceTime. I know. So, short accounts, man.
You don't love it. Short accounts. I know even me and Meach, like, for sure, like, it's been like.
Next day, like, hey, yo, remember that? Like, yeah, what you think about that? And it's all, and I think what she said is so good. It always starts with a question, not a statement. Yes.
So, because I think. I think oftentimes we get furious before we get curious. Yes. So you build up a whole idea and you come into the conversation furious. Yes.
Yeah. When really you don't even build a case. You don't even know the context of what happened. And so I think it's really important to be like curious before you get furious because sometimes you just come in curious with a question. You're like, oh, snap, that's what, that's what that was.
All right. That helps me out so much. And so I think that's been big. But I also think most of the time, this is way more happen. I go say something that challenges me.
I'll be like, what'd you think about that? And it's more like, yeah, I think you need to lean into that.
So that's, that's a lot. That's a lot more our conversations. Brittany's like, ah, thank you, Jesus. Yes. Yes.
Can we talk about that? Like, this, like, this is my. Biggest like advice to married people or to women who are married, find other men who can come around your husband. Because if your husband is in isolation and you like, then you're in isolation. And when, if Ike is doing something that's like in our marriage, that's kind of like funky, I got two men that I can go to.
Like, your boy is tripping, and I need you to talk to him. Like, or this is going on, or if I'm tripping. Brittany, like I like this is going on. I said this. Was I messed up?
Like, am I crazy? Is this a, is this an expectation that I should be having on the Lord and not on Ike? Like, what's going on? And that's happening. And I don't understand how marriages within the church who don't have this make it, honestly, because these are the people that we depend on.
And if you're going through something in your marriage and you're going through it in isolation, now division comes in.
Now you can build a narrative against your husband.
Now your husband's your enemy. But if you feel like you have a community who's behind you, then that are seeking reconciliation always within each other. And with, and we like, we thrive when they thrive. We thrive when he's thriving. You know what I mean?
And so we're seeking their thriving. We're not just seeking for them to be well, like for them to be okay. We want them to thrive. And so even as your question about what do we do with, you know, Recap is the more vocal one, vocal, like the most heard. And because he.
He's gifted. He is amazing. That is what God has called him to do. And we also have this mentality that if he eats, we all eat. And so, you know, and so we really, really want him to, like, we want to see the Lord because it's not about us.
It's about the Lord. And so the Lord is doing something in recap. And so we celebrate it. We facilitate it. We encourage it.
We want to help in any way that we possibly can. And the same. same vice versa. Oh, sorry. Vice versa.
And so like that doesn't, I'm not saying that the enemy doesn't see like whisper those things, but It's so quickly.
So you don't let him have a foothold. No, at all, because there's love and there's trust, and there's also we fear the Lord, and it's not about us. It's about us. You got to be honest with yourself as well. Yeah.
What do you mean? Yeah. He's not just the most Known or get the most speaking engagements or something like that. He's the best preacher. Yes.
I'm not. He is.
So we want to get behind him. Not only, and I don't, when I say best, I do mean he's. Like technically more skilled, but He's anointed to do this. Yeah. And you're anointed to do something else.
Say it again. You're anointed to do something else. You're something else to do something else. And how I've been able to receive that and learn that and take ownership is because they told me.
So that's what that whole thing about not having to. Look for my own honor. They convinced me, no, this is what God has anointed you to do. You have this special thing. And I'm guessing they also told you what you're not good at.
Yeah. Vice versa. This is not your lane. This is. You have a brother or sister that's honest.
Absolutely.
Your mom told you you could sing, but you're going to lose an American Idol. She does renounced American Idol in her chair. My mom said I could sing. Yeah, she lied. But like, the saddest part is like, that's a show, a game show.
Yeah. Think about how often that actually happens in the church. That's happening. Yeah. Where like the church's excellence comes down because we're lying to each other because we're not honest.
And we're trying to honor without honesty, which is just flattery. And no, no, no, funny, like, because I'm being serious. They will say that I still think these two dudes are like some of the best preachers in the world. And I mean that. But.
You know, I think. Genuinely. Like, I think one thing that we came to the table and started in this church is. There's part of it intentionality But part of it is God's sovereignty.
So let me let me explain that. Like the intentionality part is like What Pastor Ike was saying, like, yo, just be honest. Be real about who you are, be real about what other people are. And you might not be able to see yourself the best, which is why you need other people to see what's good.
So be intentional. Honor what you see. Uh that sister right there is one of And I'm saying this to anybody who's hearing, Adenisi's Todd should be known with the, and I'm saying this for myself: Priscilla Shires and all of those folks. I'm talking about that kind of gifted as a communicator of the scriptures. She is nice with it.
And I listen to a lot of preaching. That's easy to say, easy, easy, easy to say. That's the most brilliant mind when it comes to theology and creativity that I've ever been around. And I've been, I'm pursuing my PhD. I have never, ever in my life, and this is not an exaggeration, I've never in my life been in a classroom.
And been that blown away, like I have with he just different, he built different. God has just built him, he just different, yo. Um, and that's why I like I'm always quick to say, like, no, no, no, no, that was him who started this. That wasn't my mind, I ain't think of Orlando. I was thinking of New Orleans, ain't care about New Orlando, like, ain't no nothing about that.
No, that was him. Like, when it came to the new creation fellowship, why is our church called that? That's him. When it comes to our vision statement, that's him. Like, that dude, his mind is so stinking brilliant.
Like, I can't describe it. And this dude next to me, Was the first Guy. that I ever came across who had To me, like you know, there's voices you can respect, and there's voices that you like, and there's voices that you got to respect and you like as well. He got all of that. Take his singing ability away today now, and he's still a pastor.
Because he the first dude who was musically gifted. But theologically deep, knew that text. I mean, he's just quoting the whole John, like Proverbs, Psalms. He first time we were talking, I knew he was different because he was quoting Zephaniah. I was like, me and Britt are all trusted.
And my baby, um. Mm. Like people don't know. Like we you know, we just made it through Genesis. That was one of our greatest series, I think just, you know, it was just beautiful.
And Every Sunday, I mean, every Saturday, I'm like, babe, yo, this is my outline, what are you thinking? Because she an Old Testament hand, have you thought about this? Have you thought about this? And that might be one too many illustrations. And it's just like easy money.
When I say she has no desire to play front. She want to play back. She likes Beck. But she want to play back to the excellent degree. I don't want to just be in the background, just sitting there.
No, I want to do work back there.
Somebody got to be behind the cameras. And yo, when I say, like, when you see who people are, it's beautiful. That's intentionality. Here's sovereignty, though. When Ike came to the church we was in in Philly.
God blessed me to be able to pour into him.
So, part of our story forever is I poured into Pastor Ike. When he became the super genius Everybody was shocked. I wasn't, though, because I saw something in that dude day one.
Now, here's the crazy thing. I could be like, I got one over you. Because I I poured into you. Quickly could be that, but that wouldn't be being honest. You're better.
You cast vision better. You got more vision. You got way more sight on how this thing's supposed to come together. I don't see it. And I'm going to be so unstable.
If it had been me, this church would be so unstable. The stability, the rock-solid conviction of that brother. And so it's like: it would be foolish for me. to be like just because I want to be the leader.
Now, think about it though. He's now the vision pastor.
So naturally, sovereignty, I gotta like come under that. And then here comes it's like husband and wife, which role is more important, yes, yes, they're equally, yes, and then here comes Pastor Meach with his. Is he a shepherd? Like, way more than us. Oh, he's your shepherd.
Like, no, like, way more than us, though. Yeah, I can feel that. Oh. Prophetic. This is why it just can't be me.
Because nobody would get shepherd. That's such a gift either, so I can always feel it when it's in the room. I can't feel it. I don't feel it. Shepherd, prophetic, administrative, all of those things.
God has just blessed him in a tremendous amount of ways. And it would be so foolish for us to be like, well, we was together before. Uh, you don't get a voice like what you better, he's just better. I mean, it's crazy what just happened in the last three or four minutes. I'm watching humility, honor, honesty, yeah, from what recap just said about everybody in the room.
It's just like, wow, there it is. You know, you're able to honor and be humble enough to say they're better. That is something that's really rare. It is so rare. And this isn't just, and I want to say, like, this isn't this speech, we've heard this.
That's what I'm saying. And we also have a lot of people. Yeah, so this isn't just because of the podcast. We're not putting this on. And this is like each one of us has this speech, our own version of this speech.
Do you know what I mean? And so this isn't because we're just telling the truth. Exactly.
So it's not even a speech. It's just telling the truth. It's not because none of us can do what Meech does. There's a lot of people who do not have this. Oh, and they want it.
They're watching. They're like, I want that. I've never been able. Able to get that. How do you help them get that?
Because I'm guessing people are watching right now, and there's some going, I'm in this, it's beautiful. Or I was in it, it got ugly, and now I'm really hurt. Or others are like, I've never experienced what you guys are talking about. That's why we're talking about this. We want to help marriages have.
You can't do marriage without a community. You guys are modeling it, but help people that can't find it. And just your illustration of your husband becoming better with a good friend. I remember it was my birthday. I think it was my birthday.
I already know what she's going to say. My best friend's husband is his best friend.
So she's like, what did Dave get you for your birthday? I'm like, well, you know, money's tight and he's tight. And Rob comes over. Can we stop? And he says, dude, this is your girl.
You go all out for your girl. Like, what do you mean you're going to get her little, like, something? I don't even remember what. But he's like, on him. I'm like, that's what I'm talking about.
And you changed. I could have said that all day long. But when his brother and his best friend says it, you hear it. Yeah, one night, Rob and I were sitting at a high school basketball game of his daughter. Yeah.
All right, and he's a big-time college football kicker at Iowa. He's the all-time leading scorer kicker there.
So he's an athlete. And he's intense. He's sitting behind, and he's intense and sharp business guy. And he is going off on this ref so loud, it was embarrassing. I'm like, dude, settle down.
Whatever. He just kept going.
So after the game, I called him. I said, dude, you were an embarrassment. To the kingdom of God. You were an embarrassment as a man of God. You embarrassed your daughter because she'd be looking up at you, like, Dan, settle down.
I'm trying to, he wouldn't hear me. And I just felt like I have to be honest. And so I just said, dude, that is not how a Christian man acts. I mean, yeah, I agree. The ref was terrible.
Terrible calls. That's high school sports. Get used to it. You know what I'm saying? Blah, blah, blah.
And I'll never forget he hung up. Didn't really receive it, hung up, and about an hour later, called back. He said, Thank you, brother. You're right. I was a jerk.
I was an idiot. I embarrassed everybody. I apologize. I mean, it's just that thing. But so, so, how do we get that?
How do you get that? Because that doesn't happen without intentionality. When I was young, The only translation. You are young. When I was like a baby, I knew that.
Well, funny thing, I'm the oldest of all this. But I'll say, when I was growing up, we only read the King James Version. And so there's a lot of King James Version of verses I remember. There was one verse, I forget where it was, but it said, to have. To have friends, show thyself friendly.
And I think a lot of times people want something that they are not. Yeah. And so let the Lord cultivate in you humility. Yeah. You be a friend.
You be a confidant. And then the Lord is just so faithful to reciprocate that. And I think oftentimes we try to get things that we are first not. Yeah. And so like, cause there's a lot of work.
Like even my insertion into this friendship group, I had insecurities. They let you to the table. Yeah, they really did. And it had to be a letting me in the table. And then I had to actually sit at the table.
It's good. Because it's like there's insecurities. Oh, we got 10 years and stories and history and Philly and Iowa. And they're married. And they're married and all that kind of stuff.
We had so many things that I could have easily allowed my insecurities and not have done the work to be able to sit at that table, which is why I talk to singles because we are one of the most forgotten people groups in the church. And we actually represent a large percentage of the church. I am a pastor who is single. And so I need, because again, we'll say marriages need community. No, I need community.
I need to be their children's uncle. I need to be like their friends. And I've never felt like the third wheel, which is something that's very important as well. It's like I lived when I first moved to Florida, I lived with Ike and Aerie. And it was like, I remember kind of the similar story to Ari.
His first conversations with me were kind of like authoritative. And I was kind of like. This man is bold. When I say, like, I'm single, single. Like, single, single.
By that time, I had been living on my own for almost 20 years. It's kind of like, it's kind of like, I remember him saying, so God called you to Florida. I'm like, yeah. Yeah, he was like, so you gonna wait in Alabama? Yep, that's what it looks.
He was like.
Well, why don't you wait in Florida? Possibility. Are you going to pray for Manna? And then humility. He said, No, I'm offering a bedroom.
And then it's like I got to see Aries like hospitality that reminded me of how I grew up. I grew up with a grandmother that. We never had our own house. It's like people were always there. And how she was even like, have you eaten?
Do you have food? I'm kind of like, sis, I've been an adult for like 20 years, but no, but no, I saw that as like, that's my sister. Like, they, and even like, They didn't hide. It was just like they were just who they were. Like I was invited in the actual house.
It was like, yeah, they were married. They had their own life and stuff. But I really did feel incorporated. And I have a. I don't have to call and say I'm headed there with all of them.
And that is huge. Like I just knock and show up. And that stuff is so important, especially for those of us who are single. We need to see this. Like, I need to be reminded of the selflessness that we see in marriage.
And then I would think they would need to be reminded of the sufficiency that's in Christ from a person that don't have the horizontal affirmation. I have it vertically, and there is something to that. I had intimidations with both of them having great fathers. Like all of them having, you know, it's like I had those intimidations because my story was not the same. But I had to do the work personally to be able to have a seat at the table.
And I've been corrected by them, challenged by them. Hey, you're too independent. You're right. I'm trying to work on it. Little things like that that I think people don't.
Like it sounds nice and it sounds sweet, and the podcast sounds really cool. But, like, the actual work to be in that kind of relationship is the same with Christianity. You have to die. You have to pick up your cross and follow the Lord Jesus, even in friendships. And we don't, I think the church is undertaught.
Friendship. When Jesus is talking about unity, when he was like that, they may be one, like we are one. Pastor Ike said something in one of his sermons that I will never forget.
So dope. He said, Can God, can Jesus get his prayer requests answered? Again, brilliant. I'm literally, that Sunday, I said, ho. The son of God.
The son of God's prayer request. And I think us doing the hard work, it's bloodshed. Like, it's uncomfortable conversations. One night we had a conversation that was six, seven hours into midnight hours, like talking about what are your insecurities, what are your fears, what are your things.
So you're real. No, it's actually real. Yeah. We're not hanging out. We're fellowship.
Yeah. Yeah. And I was going to say, I think that we, as a church, we can kind of, this idea of like, well, how do people do this? Like, how do you enter into this relationship? We can overcomplicate it in a sense.
Like, literally. Pick somebody and be committed to them, literally, because it's pick a couple, and you can get into like, well, they don't like the same things that I don't like, or they do things differently, or I don't know if I, if you know, we have kids, they don't have kids, we didn't have kids for the majority of our relationship, um, all of that. But if you're committed to the relationship, if you are, I'm not leaving this table regardless of your messiness in my organization or your lifestyle or whatever, or what you like, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, we know we see it as Jesus is at work within whatever family unit is that you're anticipating getting into a relationship. And so, if Jesus is there, if Jesus is at work, however it is that they live their life, they have something that I need in order for me to know Jesus better because Jesus is at work in their life in a way that it's not at work in my life, and so therefore, I don't care if they like.
Okay. To go to Disney every single weekend, and I like to stay at home and read a book. I am willing to enter into that lifestyle because I understand that Jesus is at work there and I need that. What if those people that like, I want this, but they're not willing to be humble or honest? You know, what if they're not in the, they don't have the three H's.
Humility, honesty, and honor. Yeah. So, what if they aren't willing to be honest? Yeah. Yeah, then you don't want to have a fake unity.
Right. So, do you just have that conversation? Yeah, I think the beautiful thing is prayer. Mm-hmm. Like Um I I talk all the time to folks Because I love the scriptures so much, but I always remind people I am not a disciplined reader.
I've always hated reading. God gave me a delight. in the scriptures that I did not have. And if God can grant you something that you don't have in terms of desire, then he can grant you what you don't have in terms of desire. And so this desire for friendship, I think it begins on your knees.
Like, Lord, I actually want what they're talking about. Like, I actually want that. Like, I go get it. Like, like, and Lord, show me how to partner with you. And running after who you've already placed in front of me.
And I actually think. For most listeners. God already put somebody on your mind and your heart. This is the the scariest part of prayer though. You may, many people already have somebody who they would call friends.
But they're hearing this like, this don't sound like us. The scariest thing is like why? And I ask the Lord why. And oftentimes it is because. You haven't crossed over into the like through that awkward barrier where you've had to challenge each other and it had to go five hours.
And you can't leave the table. You haven't, you haven't gone, and those things are intentional. And we could have let it sit too. Oh, yeah. We can just let be mad and just you would prefer to not get into it.
Oh, it's too fast. I would like to ask you mad. And come up with my own narrative and just sit in my own bitterness and anger. It feels good. It's righteous.
It's great. Like, this isn't fun. Until you're lonely. Until you're lonely. That's good.
But I mean, in some ways, what I'm hearing is that's the honesty part. Because if you don't go there, when you know you feel it or think it, you're not being honest. You're holding something. Maybe you get in the car and you talk to your wife. And that's not honest because you're talking about some of your best friends, but you're not willing to look them in the eye.
The first men's group I tried to get in in Detroit when I first moved to Detroit, way before you guys were ever born. I moved to Detroit to be Detroit Lions chaplain. I knew nobody. And I didn't have a church. I didn't hadn't started five years later.
I would start a church.
So I knew I needed community. community. We all know that. Scripturally, you know, and I need men.
So I found these guys in this other church that I sort of attended. They meet on whatever.
So I go, start meeting one of those three or four, and I was like, the whole time, like, I like anybody's here is getting really honest. They're just Being nice, and you can just.
So, I'm not kidding. It was like fourth and fifth week, and I still don't know them very well. And I've told this here before, but I remember I walked in, and at some point I said, Hey, And I think it was like six guys. I said, I gotta be honest with you, I struggled this week with something in there like What's that? I go to Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Came.
My wife always gets it before I see it and I never see it. And it was in the mailbox. And I opened it up and I looked at it for a minute. And I was wrong. And I told my wife, but I just need to say that to you guys.
And I am not kidding, the room went like this. Are you kidding me? I'm like, what? You look at it Yeah, not long, but yeah, I did. And that's why I'm saying it.
I shouldn't deny it. I go, you guys have anybody here ever struggling? Never. We never look at that. We would never consider that.
I can't believe you. What kind of man are you? This is back in the day when the church wasn't honest. This was like, you guys are looking at me like, who are these humans? Exactly.
So I got in the car, I drove home, and I said, that's not my group. Yeah. Wow.
You know why? I thought they're not being honest. I don't know. Maybe they're perfect men. I'm guessing they were hiding something.
And I started looking for other groups. And part of me is like one of the lessons there was: sometimes it doesn't work. The first group you find, find it. Because I found my guys. One of them was Rob, one of them was John.
One of them was, they were my guys for 30 years. I did all their kids' weddings as their pastor. But sometimes it's like, this isn't an honest group. And They're not going to be. They're not going to go there.
So, obviously, you're talking about an honesty that's raw. You know what you just said was actually a great point. Hear that? I said something great. That's an amazing point.
For those of us who are Christians, we can have like an over-romanticized view of each other as if we are not. Imperfect humans, and sometimes friendships just don't work. Yeah, like sometimes they don't. Like, I learned. Here's the interesting thing: a lot of my earlier friendship, what we even call failures.
I don't even know if it's a failure, it's just life. It's like friendships that I had, I've learned from every single friendship I've ever had, and that has been brought into this friendship because, again, we bring who we are into the group. Yeah, and it's like, had I not remembered, like, ooh, last time, Demetrius, you actually stored something in your heart for like three months and it turned into accusation and all of this other kind of stuff. I'm gonna take the opportunity to be like, no, we're getting this stuff done quick. Because when you hold on to that stuff, our God is so much about truth.
Don't let the sun go down on your anger. Don't let the devil have a foothold. Oh, absolutely. But watch this. Watch this.
If I have a friendship that doesn't quite work out. And I still I'm carrying bitterness toward them. Yeah. Now I come to my friends, and I'm getting things off my chest. And if they support that, yeah.
Then we just, it's all types of division going on.
Now it's gossip.
Now it's gossip, and that's what's creating our friendship. That's not friends. That's not friends. That is literally like that trauma bondage. Yeah, that's that trauma bondage.
So, what do you do with that? Yes. We got to check that. You've got a thing with me.
So, I'm buddy.
So, okay, so I know you got to get this off your chest to some degree. You have to be human and complain about what your frustration. Yeah. So, you do it, and I listen. All right, cool.
Did you talk to him? Hmm. Mm-hmm. Simple heart solution. I have literally had Pastor Meach tell me, You've got two weeks to talk to this person.
I love it.
Okay. Real talk. And I had to talk to this person. I vented, I shared. I just, my first, am I crazy?
Like, am I not? You need to go talk to them. Yeah. So I humbly obeyed on a commandment and went to what they told me to do because I trust these individuals. Exactly, because most people, or I should say a lot of times.
That's the thing. People are unwilling to go to someone and have a conversation. It's hard. It's very hard. It can be awkward.
It can be all the stuff. It's isolated. It's very easy. That's good, Pastor. I can you wouldn't have done that if you didn't care about our sanctification.
Exactly.
Like, I care about, we care about each other's holiness. I remember I had some strange stuff going on for a season, and Recap was like. Yeah, you need to apologize to this person. He literally told me to find a fault.
Now for me, I'm like my therapist who I've been with for five years, God bless you so much. He has been very beneficial in this friendship group as well. And they never met him. But literally, he was telling me like, Demetrius, you have like an internal lawyer. And that's a part of that prophetic stuff.
It's either black or white. It's right or wrong. It's real gray area. Then we go through Genesis. I'm like, there's a lot of gray area.
And I started giving myself nuance. I started giving myself. And then, cause again, that goes back to the point. When you start receiving the love of God and his patience. And then you start being patient with yourself.
Then you start being patient with other people. When you receive correction from the Lord, you start being honest with yourself, and then you can be that with other people. And Recap was like, find fault. And just take extreme ownership. I'm like, absolutely not.
And then a couple of days later, I sent the voice note, and it was like, it was quicker than that. You know, it was like, because again, I was like, the evil one would not tell me to do that.
Sometimes we got to weigh the things we hear. Yeah. The evil one, you know, I don't, I didn't have to pray about that because that was the that was literally what the scriptures would say. And it's like, I had to learn that. I remember one time, uh, Britt, we were having a conversation, and we, it was like we were playing a game, and then the conversation got turned.
And Britt don't call nobody out.
So the day she called me out, I was like, since it's right, I'm not even giving her rebuttal because she don't call nobody out. She's a silent assassin that silences people. She don't say a lot. But, and I would also say, like, there's also the. The correction that happens just by living life with these other things.
There has been, yes, like there have been times, like, so. I just being around Brittany I don't even have to ask, like, the Lord will convict me on so many things, on how I love my husband, and how I even like parent Lily and her 10 months old, you know, and my patience and my relationship with the Lord, and just her being herself. She'll just talk about this missionary that she's listening, that she's reading about and how it's convicted her, or how she loves. I have been in a room with her, and all four of her children are crawling all over her, asking for her attention while she's having a conversation with me, and she never loses it. And I'm just like, How?
How do you do this? And it's always so convicting. I've seen her submit and love and honor and encourage her husband on so many levels. And I am always convicted. And she doesn't have to open her mouth or say anything.
It's just the way she lives her life. The same way. Yeah, that's that's the mutual discipleship that happens, you know, just being around them. I, he talks about me being a communicator of the word. I wouldn't be that had it not been for the time that I've.
Spent with him, my whole understanding. I come from, now we're going to say bad words, but you know, I come from egalitarian background and competitive, all that kind of stuff. And my understanding of women's roles and gender roles, Meach had spoken such a profound word that broke like a wall for me. And it's just because of being around them. And so it's just living life that has like.
Has just changed us and has made us like that's where a lot of the correction even happens. It's not these, it doesn't have to be these deep conversations. It's just. Living life, having conversation. All right, I I've got a question.
In fact, it's such a good question. We're going to make this part of the bonus material. We have people that support family life financially. We call them monthly partners or financial family life partners. It's any amount monthly, but they're in the club.
And it's not a club. It's a partner. It's an army that says we want to support this. And so if you're not supporting us, the podcast ends.
Sorry. But you can give the $10 right now, and you're going to hear this unbelievable question that I just came up with.
Now you're like, okay, I want to get anticipation. I know. Let's jump back in. What could this look like with singles? Because I feel like the conversation so often can go to the married couple.
But. In the church, what could that look like for a woman to encourage a man or a man to encourage a woman? Or singles to be a part of something that you're a part of? Absolutely.
This is really rare. Ironically, in 2025, That conversation has so much tension just because of what's been going on in our culture. But the purity of it, I've been blessed to have incredible sisters in the faith. I call them my Mary and Martha's. Yeah.
Where it's like I've been encouraged, I've been uplifted, prayed for. And even for me, like, Some of my biggest champions are like my sisters. Like, Pastor Meach, you're anointed. Like, God has called you to this and done that. And I think the Cross-gender friendships are super important, super important in the body of Christ, but we also just got to have wisdom and boundaries.
And there are things that, yeah, impurity, there are things as a single man that I don't even do with my sisters here who I love deeply. There are boundaries and we don't like that B word, but it's like there are things that we do to help. I see it as protecting my sisters and then them protecting me. Like, I remember one of my single friends, the moment she started dating, our friendship changed the moment in a good, healthy way is what I'm saying. And engaged, married.
And I remember when the guy came into the picture, it was almost like. You're quoting like this, Demetrius, a lot. And the thing was, I was like, oh, bro, like. He and I, now we're brothers. And it's like I sang them.
You know, down the aisle and stuff like that. And it's like it's intentional, it's godly, it's pure. And even to this day, you know, even in this circle, you know, I remember ReCat one day was like, yo, bro, like, encourage Britt, you know, like, you encourage it. And I've gotten to encourage my sisters and all of that kind of stuff, yet with boundaries. And it's not even weird amongst them.
And we need it. We need cross-gender friendships, but we must do so in a godly manner, in a respectful manner. Because I think oftentimes when you do the whole like, You're fighting for something outside of like respecting godly boundaries. That's when it can cross the line. Yeah, that's good.
And I would also add, I'm so sorry because you asked for single ladies in the church and how they can encourage, and this just came to mind. If I shouldn't say this, Editor, please. Don't date them to salvation. Connect them with somebody another male. If you see men in the church, motivate and encourage them to be connected instead of you being the connection.
We see that just way too much. And so I just felt like I needed to be sent to say that. And to that point, the point I was going to make is: since we talked about the idea of submission, like, Um, it's important that we understand that submission isn't a woman thing. Yes, um, Christ submitted himself to the father, yes, um, and to Mary and to his own parents that he created, by the way. Um, so submission isn't like a woman thing, otherwise, our messiah wouldn't have done it.
Um, and I think far too often we only think of submission as a woman thing, which is why. Husbands don't know how to Pastor their wives into a desire to submit because we've never done it ourselves. You don't, if you've never had the. Look a dude in the face who's telling you, no, you're not gonna go over here. but you're gonna go pray for the next two hours.
If you never had to like... Hear a dude say you I need you to go find fault. And take ownership of what you, if you've never had to say yes when you wanted to say no to an earthly figure, but you're demanding it out of your wife, you're gonna demand it in a different way. But when you've had to do it yourself and you know what it's like, man, all of us have had men that we've had to say, yo, if they tell me, Unless I know it's violating scripture, even if I don't understand it, my yes is on the table because I trust them. That's what submission is.
It's an entrusting coming under. And it's like, if you haven't done that yourself, Ain't no way you should be leading a woman to do that.
So I would say, um, for the brothers, like, nah, don't just let submission be their thing. Like, find some dudes to submit to because it's not a power trip. No, it's not, it's a servant's heart. Absolutely.
And it's something we need. God rigged it to where we need shepherds. And so, like, yo, like, I like these brothers, like, I they can tell me no. And I gotta be like, okay, like that's a crazy thing. And we all got the same swag, like, nah, like, no, nobody's gonna tell me nothing.
All of us come. With that. And so prior. Literally, like, that's all it is. But yeah, I think dudes learning how to submit will, I think, be great help for even the ladies who are coming out.
What a way to end. Wow.
Seriously, thank you. This has been rich. You know what I was thinking? How we should end? Why don't you sing us out, man?
That'll be amazing. Yes, yes, he always ends. Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise him all creatures here below. Praise Him above ye, heavenly host Praise Father, Son, and Holy Uh I was so yeah.
Man, I want to be at your table. Hey, thanks for watching. And if you like this episode, you better like it. Just hit that like button. Yeah, and we'd like you to subscribe.
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Look at that, you say it so easy. Subscribe. There it goes.
