How To Pray When You've Been Ghosted By a Loved One

This is the Truth Network. Encouraging Prayer. God offers an open invitation for His people to talk with Him at any time about anything. On Encouraging Prayer, Dr. James Banks, author of the bestselling Prayers for Prodigals and many other books on prayer, provides weekly biblical insight to help you learn to love to pray.

And now here's James. Have you ever had that experience when someone you love has refused to talk to you? I mean refused to talk to you for days or months or even years. There's a name for that. It's called being ghosted. And that's what we're going to talk about today on Encouraging Prayer. How to pray when you've been ghosted by someone that you really love.

James? And if it's ever happened to you, it can be so hard. It really hurts, especially when you don't even know why it's happened.

We've dealt with this a lot recently on our prayer wall for Prodigals at my website, jamesbanks.org. And, you know, it used to be you'd hear about this kind of thing now and then. But, you know, now it seems like we're starting to see it more and more.

So why do you think that is? Well, I think that some of it's political and especially lately, it's a political year, but that's more of a symptom. A lot of it has to do with the way people's brains are affected these days with social media.

You know, if you don't like what someone says, you just unfriend them. And, of course, the algorithms for our cell phones and computer search engines are designed in such a way that those things that interest you or agree with you are going to show up more frequently. So people aren't used to push back on things they feel strongly about.

So if there are differences there, they just put distance in between and they react instead of respond. And I'm old enough that I've seen a real generational change in this over the years. And it's a shame because, you know, how can we learn unless there's a genuine back and forth on ideas in a non-threatening way? And underneath all of this, it's a spiritual issue because people really aren't, you know, giving each other the kind of respect and love that they need to. Oh, that's so true. And it makes me think of the families that you see out to eat and everyone is on their cell phones, right, at the same time, but no one's interacting with each other.

So all this makes sense. And where you really feel this is that holiday times, right, when kids don't want to come home for the holidays or don't want to get together. You know, let's talk about why our prayers are so important when we're ghosted by somebody that we love. This is where God can use our prayers to make such an incredible difference. The truth is that only God can reach into someone's heart and make a change there, change the way they feel, change the way they think about things.

And he can do it in just a moment. He can turn our hearts when there's not even a reason for it, you know? So our prayers can overcome years of hurt and misunderstanding by the way the Spirit of God can move through them. And that's such a beautiful thing because, again, what we're talking about is approaching something on the heart level that God can reach.

Yeah, it is. And so how do we pray when we're ghosted? Are there any scripture passages or thoughts that come to mind?

You know, there are so many that can help so much. And one of the ones I love is out of Psalm 27, Psalm 27, 10. Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me. I think that's such a comforting verse to take to heart when, you know, this is going on in your life. Or to think about Jesus' words in John 14, 27, peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. Or, you know, you may be thinking about how you don't know why this has happened.

Maybe there's something you've done, but you're not even given an answer in that. And so another great prayer would be Psalm 139, verses 23 and 24. Search me, God, and know my heart, test me, and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there's any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Or, you know, another is out of Colossians 3, 13, which just says forgive as the Lord forgave you. Because, you know, the reason why we have to go to him is that he really is our healer and our helper, and he has ways of reconciling us to others. And in the meantime, just giving us peace that we could never get to on our own. Yeah, that makes so much sense to me because, you know, God is, you know, it's the fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, all those things come as a result of, you know, hanging out with him. And so the more we hang out with him, obviously, the opportunity to have those fruits in our lives.

But also, you know, I love the one in James, and I know you like that book, where it asks for wisdom, right? Because I just constantly am right there, like, in the situation where I have that going on in my own family, and I do. Like, Lord, give me wisdom to know where I don't have it right this minute. Well, before we went on the air, you were talking about how he had given you an insight about how he's the one who binds up our wounds.

And I think that's so important when we're looking at this as well. Why don't you share some of that? Yeah, I was looking at Isaiah 61, you know, where it says he binds up the brokenhearted, and I literally asked him. I was asking him for wisdom. Like, how exactly do you do that, Lord? And he somehow or another put it on my spirit to go look in Luke at the story where the woman was weeping and cleaning Jesus' feet with her hair, and the scene where the Pharisee was judging her for all that, and Jesus said, you know, she loves much because she was forgiven much. And I thought, wow, she's gotten her heart back. Her heart's been bound back up, and it came through forgiveness.

And so, you know, that's like a four-edged sword of, yes, I need Jesus' forgiveness through his blood, but as the Lord's Prayer says, I need to forgive them as Jesus has forgiven me, but I also need to forgive myself, which is often, you know, the one who is really struggle with forgiving myself as much as anything else. Yeah, yeah, it comes back to that place of love never fails, and, you know, because love is from him. As we go to him, he'll help us. He'll reach into those difficult places, and our prayers matter so much precisely for that reason, because again, we want what only he can do.

And the only way to get it is to ask. Robby, would you wrap us up with prayer on that note? I sure will. Lord, I know how bad this hurts.

I do. And I know there's people out there right now that are experiencing that. And Lord, help us to turn towards you in our pain and not towards our own solution. I think of the psalm that says, you know, how long, oh Lord, how long will I seek counsel in my own soul? Having sorrow is in my heart daily. Lord, help us to turn that sorrow to you, and Lord, show us the way. In Jesus' name I pray. Amen. Amen. You can hear more from Pastor James by visiting his website, jamesbanks.org, or by visiting Peace Church in Durham, North Carolina. May God bless you and encourage you as you pray.