If I Only Had a Spouse! (cont'd)

Invest in your own happiness.

And what do I mean by that? I call it becoming the CEO of your life. And by CEO, I mean the Chief Enjoyment Officer of your life. You need to be your own CEO. You need to be in charge of enjoyment in your life. You can't afford to give up.

You need to give that job to somebody else. What is your fulfillment on earth and what does it look like? Answers come your way next, so stay with us or stop by pastorpaul.net anytime to hear today's message or any recent Destined for Victory message on demand. That's pastorpaul.net.

You can also subscribe to the podcast at Google Podcasts or Spotify or wherever you enjoy your podcasts. But right now let's join Pastor Paul as he shares today's Destined for Victory message, If I Only Had a Spouse. So the bottom line is it's okay if you want to get married. It's okay if you want more money. It's okay if you want to do anything that will enhance your life for the better. But keep it in perspective and know that your renewed mind is what's going to bring happiness, success and fulfillment.

It is what's in your head, not what's on your body or in your circumstantial life. And so if you'll keep that in mind, you'll be alright. You can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your marital status. I need you to know that in no uncertain terms. You can be happy and fulfilled regardless of your marital status. And how you're going to do that, let me just give you a few points to help you really say, because you know that could be, oh yeah, anybody could say that, but practically it's not true.

No, it is true and let me give you some practical ideas to ensure that you are planning to live a happy, fulfilled life whether or not you hook up with someone in terms of marriage. I want you, first of all, to learn the importance of investing in your own happiness. That's one of the things you got to do, brothers and sisters. Invest in your own happiness.

And what do I mean by that? I call it becoming the CEO of your life. And by CEO, I mean the chief enjoyment officer of your life. You need to be your own CEO. You need to be in charge of enjoyment in your life.

You can't afford to give that job to somebody else. One of the biggest mistakes, one of the biggest pitfalls I've seen people fall in is they get into a relationship and they say, okay, now. Now I got the one I've been waiting for. I got the one. For the first time in my life, some folk can say, I finally have somebody. Listen, no, no, no, God didn't give anybody else the assignment of giving you a life, much less giving you enjoyment in that life. You must be your own CEO. Whether you're married or single, you got to be your own CEO. You're responsible for your happiness.

You can't hand that off. You've heard me over the years tell you that the you light up my life syndrome is a disaster waiting to happen. You can't be a person waiting for somebody to come light up your life. If you let somebody come light up your life, do you know what that means? That means they own the light bulb. And just as sure as you make them mad, and yes, you going to make them mad, then if they don't have character, if they don't have substance, chances are you can make them mad enough one day where they unscrew their light bulb and they walk out. And now there you are back in darkness. Why? Because you should have never given them the idea that they could come light up your life. When they meet you, they ought to come to an already lit up life.

Don't let anybody meet you and you in the dark. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. I can't find the door.

I'm going to let you in in a minute. Uh-uh. No, no. You got to have your own light, blaring lights in your life. Let them come in, sit down, have a conversation, and see who they are and see whether or not they're even worth your time. I'll get to that later on in some of these other pitfalls about this whole relationship building because some of you all date instead of evaluate, but we'll get to that. All right, so you got to be your own CEO and you cannot hire somebody else to be your CEO.

They can't be responsible for your enjoyment. So let me keep it practical. What do I do, Pastor? Discover and pursue the activities, the friendships, et cetera, that make you feel good and add value to your life. Jot that down if you need to. Discover and pursue the activities, the friendships, and other such things that make you feel good and add value to your life. You have got to actively discover what makes me happy. And when you identify what makes you happy, you've got to pursue those, whether they're activities, whether they're relationships with certain people. You got to find when it comes to people, you've heard me say it over the years, but I'm going to keep saying it because we always have new people, plus you need to be refreshed in some of these truths that'll really help you live your best life.

You have got to learn people come in two basic categories. There are fillers and there are drainers. And you got to identify the fillers, the people who when you leave them, when you after talking to them, after hanging out with them, after spending time with them, they are fillers. They add value. They fill you up in a proper way.

Fillers are good. Drainers are often necessary because really you have to minister to a lot of people who they're not in your life so that they can bless you and so they are going to be drainers. Don't resent drainers.

Some of them are supposed to be there. Here's what you got to learn to do. You got to learn to make sure you have more fillers or at least you're filled up by the few fillers you have enough to handle your drainers. Because when your drainers overwhelm you and you don't have enough coming in, you're just like a bank account that has more stuff going out every month than it has income.

Sooner or later, you're going to go into the red. And you can do that emotionally and psychologically, pastors preaching and being a therapist at the same time. And I need you to understand you can't have more drainers than fillers and prosper.

So identify. And fillers come in activities as well as in people. Find your fillers. What are the activities that fill me up? Make me happy.

If you need people and activity, game nights and sports and stuff like that, find it and enjoy it. Let it fill you up. If you are more of an introvert, my wife gets filled by sitting and having a book and quiet that fills her. I have never understood that.

How do you get filled? Ain't nothing going on. Oh, but I learned early on. We've been married.

We're coming up on 39 years. I learned early on that sometimes when I'd be itching like Sunday, I preached and back when I pastored a church where we had multiple services. I pastored a mega church. We ended up having services all weekend. And Sunday afternoon, I would be a little tired from preaching, but my filler was going to be, let me go get with some folk and let's go play cards and have fun and act stupid. And my wife, every now and then in the early years of our marriage, she tried to hang with my little thing.

At a certain point in marriage, we realized that's not going to work for her. She said, you go do that. I'm going to sit here. I got a book.

This couch is comfy. And I come home, she filled and hadn't been with nobody. And I come in, I've been with everybody and I'm just happy.

You got to find what your fillers are, activities and people. And I had to learn even with my hangout. There were certain people we couldn't let me in the hangout because they would try to drain me during my filling time. Oh, this the pastor. I've been wanting to hang out with you. And they come to my card event and they come over there and all they want to do is talk and ask me Bible trivia questions. Some of these people are crazy. Can animals sin?

No, but I can if you don't get out of my face. All right, so anyway, where am I in this message? So you got to discover and pursue the things, the activities, the friendships, whatever fills you, find your fillers and stay full because you're going to have drainers. That's God's will. That's what ministry is. That's what purpose is, helping other people. Purpose is always going to take you to where something drains you, challenges you. That's part of purpose. Don't ask to be a purposeful person and you don't deal with anybody. Purpose and people go together.

Why? Because God so loved the world. God is into people.

Even if you by personality and temperament aren't into people socially, you got to at least be able to be into people to the extent that you got to minister to them. Oh, this is good. Get this drainer thing right. Thank God for the drainers, but keep them in their place. You are parents.

You got drainers. They call kids and so let God bless you with the fillers necessary so that you don't get so mad with your kids that you end up going viral. But again, I'm talking about that in an upcoming message because I want to help you all get straight even when things get overwhelming.

God has a plan. So discover and pursue the things that fill you, make you happy, add value to your life. I am big on quality of life. Quality of life is one of the things I am so big. What is the quality of your life?

If you say it's not very much of a quality life, then you need to add the things that add quality. It's your job. Don't look outward. Somebody got to give me a purpose. Somebody got to give me happiness. Somebody got to take me somewhere. We got to go somewhere and have some fun. I ain't had no fun in a long time. What have you done? What have you done to laugh, to fulfill yourself, to be happy?

And speaking of laughter, the Bible tells you you need to laugh. Stay with us the second half of Pastor Paul Shepherd's message is coming right up. We want to thank all of you who support Destin for Victory with your prayers and financial support, gifts that help Pastor Paul share the joy of the gospel message with a growing audience.

Destin for Victory is supported entirely by friends like you, so please perfectly consider making a generous gift to Destin for Victory today. Give online safely and securely from our website pastorpaul.net or give us a call at 855-339-5500. The book of Proverbs tells us that a merry heart does good like medicine. Coming up next, a biblical reminder of just how important laughter can be.

Here's Pastor Paul with the rest of today's Destin for Victory message, If I Only Had a Spouse. Bible's not old, sober, gray book. Proverbs 17, 22 tells you you're supposed to get your laugh on right there in your Bible.

Proverbs chapter 17 verse 22, a merry heart does good, watch this, like medicine, but a broken spirit dries the bones. If you dry, my brother, my sister, you need to do something about it. Quit being dry and wishing that happiness and joy and fulfillment would come into your life.

I really wish I had a better quality life. That's your job. You have to be your CEO. Renewing of the mind, Paul said in Romans 12.

You have to be your own CEO. Cheerful heart is like medicine. And I mean, you don't even have to have coverage. It's right in the Bible.

You can get medicine for free. Laugh. A whole lot of folks said, Pastor, that's why I go to your church, because you not only feed me the words, you make me laugh. Good.

Good. I'll never forget one time I had a listener say, you're just clowning too much. One of my radio listeners, you're just clowning too much.

The Bible says you need to be sober. Literally, I had a listener tell me that, that I clown too much. And I said, well, God bless him with that little dry bone self, because I love laughing and I love making people laugh.

That's why it took me so long. You all know who were with me in the early part of this pandemic. I was shocked. I was in literal shock that I couldn't be in the room with y'all, because that's what I do. I preach the word and make folk laugh. And I felt like Kevin Hart with no audience. And for the first few months, y'all know I was just in shock. I was just trying to, how do I preach and not clown?

I don't know how to do that. But I had to for a while, because I was trying to figure out, and I hated this camera and all that. And so you can see, it's taken me a long time, but now I figure I don't get to hear y'all laughing, but I can still do the best I can do. I'm going to feel better when we do get back in the sanctuary now.

Don't get me wrong. I definitely want the in-person service when the time is right. But in the meantime, I got to be me.

And I got to clown in the process. And if you don't like it, and if you want yourself a nice, sober, pitiful, dry preacher, there's a whole bunch of them all over the web. Knock yourself out. 24 hours a day, you could just go from one dry sermon to another dry sermon. But me myself, I'm going to make you laugh, or at least try. One more thing about this personal fulfillment stuff. Regarding fulfillment, you should discover and pursue the things God has shaped you to do. See, fulfillment comes with you discovering and fulfilling your purpose. You say, well, what's my purpose? Glad you asked.

Let me give you the answer. Your purpose is in you. It's already in you. You are shaped.

Rick Warren is the first one that gave me that language decades ago, and I'm so grateful to him for that. You are shaped to do some things. The Bible says all of us, God puts things in us that we are to work out of us. God is at work in you, so you work out everything that he has put in you.

The S stands for spiritual gifts and callings. Look at your spiritual gifts and callings, because that's part of what you're supposed to do. You are shaped to do some things, and your purpose is tied to that. You're fulfilling the things that God has already put in you. So examine your spiritual gifts and your callings. What do you feel called to do? What people groups or what ministry do you feel connected to? You've got to examine that.

H stands for heart. Jesus said a good man out of the good treasures in his heart brings forth good things, so God has put some good things in your heart. It's your job to look in there, find what's in your heart. What do I have a real heart for? What groups of people or what ministries or how am I shaped in terms of my heart, my passions to help people?

Look at that. That's where you're going to find your fulfillment. A stands for abilities. God has given you some abilities, and life has helped you develop certain abilities. Every ability can be used for God's glory if you live in that renewed space of your mind that I just talked about at the beginning. Look at your abilities. It doesn't all have to be spiritual gifts. Some of them are just natural gifts, and some of them are gifts you've developed and disciplines that you've developed over the years. Wherever you have a discipline and expertise in some area, you can use that for God's glory, and it can be part of the fulfillment of your purpose. Use your abilities for God's kingdom. B stands for personality. Your personality is ripe for you to fulfill God's will in certain ways. Don't try to be somebody else's personality.

You've got yours. Stick with it and make it work for God's glory. And so the E stands for experiences. All of us have had certain experiences, and God is the ultimate recycler. He never devalues you by your experience.

He transforms you. Even if you've had awful, horrible experiences. You've had experiences of abuse. You've had experiences of neglect.

You have been mistreated. Don't deny your past. God will sanctify it. God will use it. If you need healing, we need to help you get the healing so that your traumatic experiences don't hinder your future growth, because really, when you come through the healing, God's going to actually use the hell you've been through to help somebody else get to heaven. And so you've got to look at how you've been shaped.

That's how you experience fulfillment. Let me close this installment in the series by pointing you to a single woman in the book of Acts, chapter 16, a woman named Lydia. I won't turn to it in the interest of time, but when you get a chance, read about Lydia.

Who is she? She is a woman who, as Paul and Silas and his ministry companions, are on their second missionary journey, and as they come through a certain region, Philippi is the city. She is a woman who is there, and God blesses her to hear the gospel at Paul's mouth. She opens her heart. She was already one who revered God, but she didn't know who Jesus was.

Paul preached the gospel plainly. She came to know who Jesus was. She opened her heart, received Christ, and Lydia became a very prominent person, very fulfilled and happy person.

Why? Because when she gave her life to Christ, she used what she had. She was a businesswoman. The Bible tells you there in Acts 16 that she was a merchant of purple linens, of purple garments, of purple cloths, and she clearly had an exceptional business acumen.

She was, in today's vernacular, Lydia was a boss. That was a boss lady, and she used her wealth, her resources for the glory of God after she got saved. In fact, the church at Philippi, when you read the book of Philippians, that church was founded in her house. Paul preached the gospel to her. She said, I got a great property.

You can have your meetings here. And the church in Philippi started meeting in her house. This boss woman who was a servant of God said, I'm not married, but right now I'm getting my joy, my success, doing the will of God, and I never read where she ever got married. I don't know if she was a widow, but she never married again.

From the time she knew Jesus, we have no record that she ever brought a man into her inner circle, but she did advance the kingdom, and she used her resources for God's glory. I came to tell you something. Marital status may change for you. It may not change for you.

If it is going to change for you, if you expect it and hope it will, stay with me in this series, because I'm going to keep unpacking some things to make sure you don't fall into the pit of marrying wrong and spending the rest of your days regretting that you thought the answer was in having somebody having put a ring on it. The answer is in you doing what Paul said in Romans 12. I beseech you by the mercies of God that you present yourself, Lord, here's my life. I wanted to be happy and holy. I want to be a worshiper of you.

I want to be a boss person in my life and lifestyle. I want to advance your kingdom. I don't want to bring some crazy person into my inner circle.

I don't want to mess up the good work that you want to work through me. So God have your way in my life. If that means marriage, I'm open.

And for some of you who aren't open, Lord, bless me single, because I don't want it. You just be where you are, but in whatever you do, let God have his way and you will never regret the fact that you presented your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to the Lord. This is your true and proper worship. Jesus is the source of your life, the source of your joy, the source of every good thing that is possible through faith in him. Let's make sure to never search for significance by putting our hope in anyone or anything else. If you need prayer today, if you've lost your joy or if you put your faith in someone or something other than God to be the source of that joy, only to find that it's not working out the way you planned, the Destined for Victory ministry team would like to join you in prayer.

Visit pastorpaul.net and use the Contact Us feature to share your prayer requests. While you're there, be sure to sign up for Pastor Paul's monthly letter of encouragement, yours at no cost or obligation. Did you know that less than half of Americans identify themselves as members of a church, synagogue, mosque or any other religious organization? It's true.

A 2021 Gallup poll confirmed it. This may sound discouraging, but Pastor Paul believes it should actually excite us. In his DVD message, Influencers for Christ, he explains why. And this month, we're pleased to offer this dynamic word from Pastor Paul for your generous gift to Destined for Victory. That's Influencers for Christ, a DVD message from Pastor Paul and yours by request when you make a generous donation to Destined for Victory. Call 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. And as always, you can mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538.

Once again, that's Destined for Victory, Box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. There are some people who say, I'm very happy with me, myself and I, and we, the three of us, are very happy. Listen, let me tell you, if you're going to live your best life according to the one who designed you, then you need to develop strong relationships with people who can help you get where God is taking you. That's next time in Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, The Story of Us, Why We Need Strong Relationships. Until then remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory.