Built to Last, Part 3

The problem with many of us is we don't graduate from the school of independence and a lot of us stay independent proudly staunchly independent and I'm telling you that this is not God's will for your life. Partnership is essential for doing the will of God on earth. It always has been. Hello and welcome to Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd.

Thanks for stopping by. You know, technology has made it easy to isolate ourselves. We stream church from our living rooms.

We substitute Facebook for face-to-face conversations. But God has a better plan, one in which we walk in oneness and in person with a key group of people. Today we'll be encouraged to foster the kind of intimacy and interdependence that are critical in helping us accomplish God's will. Stay with us now or visit PastorPaul.net to listen on demand. That's PastorPaul.net.

You can also subscribe to the podcast at Spotify, at Apple Podcast or wherever you get yours. Now here's Pastor Paul with today's Destined for Victory message, Built to Last. Now we talked about the stages of emotional growth as we wrapped up that message. We talked about the stages of growth. The first being dependent. All of us come into the world dependent, completely dependent. When you're born into this world, if someone doesn't take up your best interest as their priority, you will die. You literally cannot survive alone.

We all start there. And then if we are growing normally and properly, we move from dependence to independence. And we talked about the fact that independence is the right second step as you progress emotionally, where you come into a sense of self. In the dependent stage, someone else has to be responsible for you, your welfare, your sense of self.

They have to tell you who you are and all of that. But when you move to independence, the idea is for you to develop to the place where you see yourself quite independent from the world around you. And I began to take pride in who I am. I began to take pride in what God has made me to be.

That is a right second step where I come into a proper sense of me, who I am. But the problem with many of us is we don't graduate from the school of independence. And a lot of us stay independent proudly, staunchly independent. And I'm telling you that this is not God's will for your life. You cannot accomplish the will of God as an independent person. I will know we sing it in songs and we take pride in our independence and no one can tell me what to do. I'm my own person.

And a lot of us try to move into the will of God and the kingdom of God with that priority. And God says you've got to drop that off because I haven't called you to be independent. I've called you to be in the third stage, which is interdependent, where I know who I am. I'm not a dependent person.

I don't need you to define me. But I have chosen to take my sense of I and graduate to we. And some of us have got to learn that. Some of us are destroying relationships that would be good and godly and helpful because we are in the relationship as a staunchly independent person. And I'm here to tell you, you can't be independent and fulfill the will of God. The will of God calls for interdependence. So how do I get there before I move on to the second building block? How do I graduate from dependence and independence into interdependence?

What are the steps I need to take? Well, first of all, you need to make a commitment to the great commandment. Jesus said in Matthew 22, thou shalt love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind. Ground zero for a person who would be in the will of God is to decide that I am a lover of God. Why is that important to fulfill my destiny, my purpose? It's because God is the one who set it all in motion in him. The Bible says we live and move and have our being. God is the one who ordained what your life is to be about.

And so life begins at that point. Ground zero is loving God with all your heart, soul, mind. And notice Jesus spoke it as a commandment. He said, in fact the Pharisees asked him, what is the greatest commandment? And Jesus responded, thou shalt love the Lord your God.

It is a commandment. God doesn't say love me if you feel like it. God says love me because I am who I am. Because I am your creator. I am your maker.

I am your sustainer. I am the giver of every good and perfect gift that comes into your life. I am the Alpha and the Omega. I'm the beginning and the end.

Without me there is nothing or no one. So love the Lord. The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

You're not even rolling in the right direction in your life until you have understood that. Basic premise that there is a God and you are not him. And you are called to love him. To give your life to him.

Because he is the one who gave his son that you might have life everlasting. And so you've got to begin by fulfilling that great commandment in Matthew 22 and 37. Secondly, you want to develop a biblically based self image.

A biblically based self image. It is important if you're going to do the will of God that you have got to root your sense of self in the word of God. Now listen to what the Bible says in Romans chapter 12 beginning with verse 1. Therefore I urge you brothers in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices. Holy and pleasing to God. This is your spiritual act of worship. So I begin by presenting my body to God. That's that premise of loving God.

I give my life, myself over to God. Secondly, look at verse 2. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world. But be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is. His good, pleasing and perfect will.

Number 2. Not only do I love God but then I have got to understand that I am to reject the world's definitions of who I am and what I am to do. I must be intentional about rejecting the world.

I can't take my cues from the world. What does the Bible here mean when it talks about the world? It means the world as it operates outside of the will of God. The world system, the carnal system, the ungodly systems that are all around us.

The people who could care less what God thinks or says in His word. They are going to do what they are going to do. And that system is to be rejected Paul said. Do not conform to this world. Don't let the world squeeze you into its mold. Don't let the world define you. Don't let the world give you your values. Don't let the world tell you what is right and wrong because they have rejected the only objective source of truth. How are you going to tell me what's right and wrong and you've rejected the one who defines right and wrong. And so I must reject the world. It is deliberate on our part to say no we do not take our cues from the world.

We don't build our philosophy based on what people think. But rather the Bible says be transformed by the renewing of your mind. That's the only way Paul says here that you can fulfill God's will.

His good pleasing and perfect will. Now look at verse 3 here's what I really want to get to. For by the grace given me I say to every one of you do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. But rather think of yourself with sober judgment in accordance with the measure of faith. How do I move into the state of being where God can really get his will done in my life as it relates to relationships. Well he says here you've got to develop a biblically based self image.

How do I do that? First of all he says don't think more highly of yourself than you ought. In other words get rid of any conceit.

Get rid of any conceitedness. If you are conceited you have an exaggerated sense of your own importance. You have an exaggerated sense of your own giftedness and specialness. Don't you know some folk like that who think they're all that and a bag of chips with dip. They have an exaggerated sense of self. An exaggerated sense of their own importance. They think they are better than they are. They think they are more special than they are. They think that they have strengths where they're not really that strong.

Conceited just full of themselves. And anybody wrapped up in him or herself is a small package and doesn't know it. So the Bible says don't think more highly of yourself than you ought. But then the next phrase says but think according to sober judgment. Now what does that imply? That implies not only should I reject conceit. But if I'm going to be in the will of God I have to also reject low self esteem.

Now why is that important? Because when I am thinking soberly I realize that God made me who I am. And God doesn't make junk. God made me who I am. And so God designed me according to his plan and purpose. There is a measure of faith he has given me. That is there are some things he has placed in me to work out.

There is a way that he wants me to walk with him. A way that he wants me to relate to others in this world. A way that he wants me to serve the needs of others. And so all of that is built into my divine design. God designed me according to his blueprint. He knows the role he wants me to play.

So I must think with sober judgment and there is no place for low self esteem in the life of the child of God. Still ahead the second half of today's Destined for Victory message with Pastor Paul Shepherd, Senior Pastor at Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. We want to thank all of you who sustained Destined for Victory with your prayers and financial support.

And gifts that help Pastor Paul share the Gospel with a growing audience. Destined for Victory is a listener support of ministry and right now as we enter the busy summer months when donations to the ministry tend to decline, your help is very much needed and appreciated. So as God leads please prayerfully consider making your most generous gift to Destined for Victory today.

We have some special thank you gifts waiting just for you. The details are at our website pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net. Some think too highly of themselves, others think too lowly of themselves but God's plan lies somewhere in between.

Here's Pastor Paul with the rest of today's Destined for Victory message, Built to Last. Now let me tell you something you might not be aware of. People with low self esteem and people who are conceited have the exact same problem. They have the exact same problem. Whether you're conceited or you have low self esteem, you have the same root problem.

What is that root problem? You are stuck on self. The root problem is it's all about me whether you're conceited or whether you suffer from low self esteem.

The problem is you have ingrown eyeballs. You see you all the time. Everywhere you look, every experience you have, it's about me. It's about me whether it's about how wonderful I am or how pitiful I am.

It's about me. And the Bible says the only remedy for that is you must be transformed by the renewing of your mind. So I have to get into this word so that I understand that this word defines me. This word helps me to understand God's plan and purpose for me. This word allows me to say to myself I am who God says I am. I can do what God says I can do.

God is my creator. God has worked some things into me and he gives me the grace to work them out. So I'm going to ask you if you want to be in the will of God you must reject conceit and you must also reject low self esteem.

And instead get into this book until this book is in you. And decide I am who God says I am. I can do what God says I can do. And so I should take responsibility.

Here's the next thing I must do if I'm going to do the will of God. I can take personal responsibility for God's plan and purpose to be worked out in my life. In other words I will not blame other people. I will not blame my circumstances. I will not blame which side of the tracks I was born on. I will not blame my ethnicity. I will not blame my gender. I will not blame my socioeconomic status. I will not say I can't do the will of God because and then point to something outside of me. I will take personal responsibility to say where I am does not dictate where I'm going. It doesn't matter where you are.

When you know who you are in the will of God it literally doesn't matter who you are or where you are. Joseph was in a pit placed there by his own brothers. Dysfunction is nothing new. Having enemies in your own household, nothing new. Having people who are plotting your destruction, nothing new. So don't sing that sad song.

Take a ticket. A whole lot of folk been through that. What you're going through is nothing new.

There's nothing new under the sun. Joseph was in a pit thrown there by his own family but the Lord was with him in the pit. See it's not about where you are it's about what company you're keeping. And you can be in a pit but if the Lord is with you he knows how to get you from a pit to the palace. He'll walk with you from wherever you are into his plan and purpose for your life. So you've got to become more familiar with God and his plan for your life than your surroundings. Your surroundings don't dictate your life. Your surroundings don't determine where you end up. God alone holds your destiny in his hands.

So you've got to take personal responsibility. I like the way Paul put it in Galatians chapter 6 beginning with verse 3. I love how the apostle Paul says this. He says if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing he deceives himself. Talking to conceited folk. Each one should test his own actions then he can take pride in himself. Watch this without comparing himself to everybody else. For everyone each one should carry his own load. Paul says get out of the business.

If you're going to do the will of God stop looking around comparing yourself to other people. Well see I'd be better off if I had their money. I'd be better off if I had their circumstance. I'd be better off if I wasn't this color, this gender. I'd be better off if I wasn't born in this family. I'd be better off if I had a functional family instead of a dysfunctional one. I'd be better off.

Paul says quit the comparison business. And know that God is at work in you both the will and the do of his good pleasure. And he knows exactly where you are.

In fact his plan is going to take into full account where you are. And God will use your test and turn it into a testimony. God will use your mess and give you a message.

So that you can share with somebody else. No matter where you are in life God can see you through. I'm preaching better than you're saying Amen. And so we got to make a commitment in our relationships that we will be an authentic self. Because that's the only person you should take into a relationship. You got to be true to who God has made you. You will be a liability in my life not an asset if you're not true to you. If you're not your authentic self you cannot play the role God wants you to play in my life. You've got to be comfortable in your own skin. It's got to be okay to be you. It's got to be alright with you.

You got to settle that in your mind. It's cool being me. And I will play the role in your life God wants me to play. But don't get in the business of trying to change me into your image. Because that's not God's plan. Don't try to make me like you.

That's not God's plan. Don't try to give me your priorities for my life. You ever had anybody try to give you their priorities for your life? Hands you a portfolio. Now this is the way I want you to be. No no you don't define me. I am my authentic self. I answer to God.

I have chosen to graduate from the school of independence. And place myself in a vulnerable position to enter into relationship with you. But I can only do that while I am true to who God has made me. So oneness, oneness is the first building block for godly relationship.

Secondly, love. Look at what is said here in 1 Samuel 18 verse 1. Not only does it talk about the fact that Jonathan and David became one in spirit. But the second part of verse 1 says. And Jonathan loved David as himself.

Loved David as himself. What does that mean? That simply means that Jonathan made the quality decision. That he would act in the best interest of David all the days of his life. This kind of love is not rooted in feeling. It is rooted in a resolve to honor who God made you to be.

And always act in your best interest. We've got to understand that in our society. We are so pre-programmed.

We're programmed by our surroundings to think of love in these rather superficial terms. We say I looked across the room and I saw him or her and instantly I was in love. No you weren't. You were tripping. That's what you were doing. You weren't in love.

You didn't even know who that was. You walk up to somebody and say I love you. What's your name? No, no, no, no. That's not love. That's a feeling. That's a feeling. That's infatuation.

That's something that makes your spine quiver, your liver shiver. But it's not love. It's a feeling.

And it's great. Feelings can be great. They can be wonderful. Passion has its place in the right kind of context. Passion has its place. But it is not the stuff of lasting relationships.

Here's the way I put it. In the house of your life, erotic, romantic, feelings oriented love can be a feature. You know when you build a house from the ground you build certain features into it. Romantic, erotic, passion driven love can be a feature but it cannot be the foundation. If you're going to build a house that will stand the storms, you got to have a stronger foundation than feelings. Because how many know feelings are fickle? How many know feelings will switch up on you?

I have spent many years in ministry seeing folk run into my office. Whoo, pastor, we got to get married. You can hardly get air between them. Just stuck to one another. Just looking at one another.

Whoo. We got to get married. Pastor, we want to live right. We hear your message about living right. We got to live right.

So come on, how soon can we get married? And they're driven and driven and driven by passion. But they've not done the work of building the right foundation. The foundation is this kind of love where the Bible says Jonathan loved David as himself. It is a love that pledges I will always act in your best interest. It is not based on how well you treat me. It is not based on how good you make me feel. A lot of times when we say we are in love, all we're in love with is the fact that this person makes me feel good about me. There's still a whole lot of self in it. I love the way you make me feel.

That's a telltale sign that you got a feature replacing a foundation. You can't just love the way a person makes you feel about you because they're going to be dazed. When they make you feel lousy about you and lousy about being with them.

Oh, come on, let's be honest here for a little bit. You can't base your love life on passion because passion by definition is too fickle. Passion is a river that runs in both directions. I've seen the same passion that keeps people huddled up. Next time I see them in my office, one grabs a chair, sticks it over there. The other one grabs a chair, sticks it over there and they hardly want to look at each other. Still passion.

But now it's the other kind of passion. I'm sick of them. Pastor, you better keep them away from me. I ain't playing.

What's the problem? The problem is they didn't build a foundation. See, a good looking house can stand as long as there's no storm. But only a house built on a solid foundation can stand in the midst of a storm. If we've been wounded in the past, we can be tempted to use that pain to isolate ourselves.

That's right where the enemy wants us. But when we walk in oneness with other believers in Christ, when we declare our interdependence instead of our independence, that's when the will of God can be accomplished in our lives and the lives of those around us. Well, we have two great resources to share with you today and I believe each will be a real blessing to you and your family. The first is Pastor Paul's book, Why God Created Dads, an insightful and inspirational look at the subject of fatherhood through the lens of scripture. The second is the audio CD, A Tribute to My Dad, a message delivered by Pastor Paul following the death of his father.

Both men and women will be inspired by these timely resources. That's Why God Created Dads and A Tribute to My Dad are gifts to you this month for your best donation of $25 or more to Destined for Victory. Call 855-339-5500 or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, CA 94538.

Once again, the address is Destined for Victory, Box 1767, Fremont, CA 94538. And do you need prayer today? Visit pastorpaul.net and use the contact us feature at the top of the homepage to share your request with us. Our ministry is always ready and willing to join you in prayer.

When you stop by, be sure to ask for Pastor Paul's monthly letter of encouragement, yours at no cost or obligation. Love is not talk. Love is action. Love is a verb. It is an action word.

It does stuff. Love acts in the best interest of its object. Don't sit around talking about all this love you have in your heart and it never expresses itself in any way that blesses my life. That's tomorrow when Pastor Paul Shepherd shares his message built to last. Until then remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ you are destined for victory.