So You Want to Get Married, Part 3

Recognize the signs that it's time to find your wife.

I want to say to you single brothers, don't stay single past your single time. Recognize the signs. You have grace for every season God ordains for your life. But you've got to recognize when seasons change. When you ask God for a sign, sometimes He'll give you more than one.

The question is, how can you recognize them? Hello and welcome to Destin for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard, Senior Pastor at Destin Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. Well, for the past two weeks, Pastor Paul has been taking us through the book of Ruth, a Moabite woman who had lost her husband.

Ruth followed her mother-in-law Naomi to Bethlehem, where she met a man named Boaz. That's where we pick up the story today as Pastor Paul shares some of the lessons from the life of Ruth and Boaz, including the signs that tell single men that it's time to find a wife. Stay right here or visit pastorpaul.net to listen on demand.

That's pastorpaul.net. Now here is Pastor Paul in today's Destin for Victory message, so you want to get married. This is the section chapter three of Ruth where Naomi, her mother-in-law, says to her, it's about time I find a husband for you because you have been so faithful to me. And she gives her instructions with regard to requesting that they would find a kinsman-redeemer in Boaz.

They needed a kinsman-redeemer and so Naomi gave her instructions. And I am using this period of our time to find a husband for you. I'm asking our study to pause and to speak to singles. I'm asking married people to stay tuned in because all of us have singles that we're either raising or singles in our sphere of influence and you need to help instruct them in the truths of God's word. So both singles and married, I hope you're well engaged in this section of our study. We spent the last couple of messages speaking to women, lessons that you can learn from Ruth, single women. We looked at those and in the last message I left off making the last point to single women which is also the first point to single men from the life of Boaz and that is to maintain sexual purity at all costs.

Maintain sexual purity at all costs. I got an email this week saying some folk walked out on this point. I said, well, God bless them as they go. If you don't like being in a church where you're going to be told that God has a standard of living for you, there are plenty where you won't be told that. But I'm here to declare to you the word of God won't back down for anybody's opinion. Word of God is true even if it makes a liar out of everybody. And if we get uncomfortable because folk love saying, now see that's just judgmental. You judging people. When I'm preaching out of the book, I'm not judging anybody. I'm declaring what thus sayeth the Lord who is the judge of all the earth.

So I got no apologies and when they come back, if they come back, they'll hear me preaching this same old gospel. Maintain sexual purity at all costs. Now I want to pick it up from here and give the next point to single men who can learn some lessons from the example of Boaz. Here's point number two for single men. Recognize the signs that it's time to find your wife.

I want to say to you single brothers, don't stay single past your single time. Recognize the signs. You have grace for every season God ordains for your life. But you've got to recognize when seasons change. Seasons change in the movements of God in your life. Look at that pattern throughout the Bible. You remember when Elijah was sitting by the brook chair because he had pronounced the famine as a result of God's people being an idolatry. God said, I'm going to prove you through this famine and show you that I am the Lord. And so they went through a period of time spoken by the mouth of the prophet Elijah that for years there would be no rain or dew. But Elijah himself had to live through that period. And so God sent him by a brook and told him to drink from the brook and God commanded ravens to fly in and feed him.

And he was sitting pretty for a while in that season. He would just drink from the brook and then the ravens would fly in, God fixed them so they couldn't eat until they fed the prophet. You should have saw those birds flying in there hooking that man up so that they could go on and eat. And that was a whole season, but the Bible goes on to say in 1 Kings that one day the brook dried up. And when the brook dried up, God gave a new command, said I'm no longer going to feed you here.

If you sit here now, you're going to starve to death. I'm now sending you to Zarephath. I'm going to feed you through a widow there because I want to not only bless you, but I want to bless her by testing her faith and obedience. And he had to get up from the brook, from his comfort zone and move on into the next season of his life. And that's what you have to do.

God will bless you in your season, but he won't bless you past your season. And so brothers, I want to ask you to recognize the signs that it's time to find your wife. There are various signs. First of all, there's the physical sign.

One of the signs in your life could be physical. What do you mean by that? I mean the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 7 was very, very plain that while he enjoyed singleness and recommended it for everyone who could handle it, he did say that it's not for everybody. And he was very specific about this business of immorality. He said some folk can't handle it because they want to be sexually active. And the only way to be sexually active in the will of God is to be married.

You heard about that in the last message. So Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, 2, since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. In verse 9, he says, if they cannot contain, let them marry. Notice what he said. He didn't say if you can't contain, pray and fast. He didn't say if you can't contain what's wrong with you, you need the Holy Ghost. No, no, no.

He didn't go for any quick fixes. The Apostle Paul said if you can't contain, that simply means that you need, brother, to go on and find your wife and get married. Because in marriage, as I said in the last message, sex is one of the benefits of the job of marriage. Marriage is a job and you get a benefits package that includes sex. No job, no benefits package. You don't bust up in Hewlett-Packard talking about I want y'all's benefits package. Well, all right, what department do you work in? We'll check it out with HR. No, no, I don't work here. I just want the benefits package.

No, they'll call security and get you out of there. You can't get a benefits package that don't have a job. Sex is part of the benefits package of the job of marriage. And so Paul said if you cannot contain, then long-term solution according to the will of God is to get married.

So there's the physical sign. Secondly, there is for some an emotional sign. You're finding it more difficult to handle the demands of your life without a life partner.

If that's the case, man, that simply means that you need to understand this is your season to find your wife who will get up under the emotional load and share it with you and help you and strengthen you and encourage you. In fact, the Bible is very clear by God's design that when Adam had this job, this responsibility, he was naming animals, he was having dominion, but everybody had a companion except him. And in Genesis, the Lord himself said, you know what? It's not good for man to be alone.

Not good for man to be alone. He said, so I will create a helper suitable for him. You got to understand the scriptures. The Bible says, if you read King James, it says, help meet for him.

And a lot of people today have taken that and made it help mate. That's not what it means. Help meet. Meet is a key word. It means suitable, fit.

It means appropriate. God said, I will create a help appropriate for him. The monkeys had their companions and the male and female monkeys were hanging out. And then but just a monkey couldn't help Adam.

The elephants had all their head companion, but the elephant sure couldn't help him. God said, I will create a helper suitable for him. And so the Lord put him to sleep, took part of his body and created everything he would need to complement and to encourage and to strengthen and to support him.

In fact, the reason why married men often wonder why their wives are ahead of them in their thinking. It started back in Genesis. Started in Genesis because he was sleep. He was under divine anesthesia. God created Eve. She was awake, ready to go.

She was already thinking and he sleep. That's why I tell wives, you're ahead of your husband's OK, but at least you don't have to always let him know it. Learn how to make him think that he is part of the decision making process. The second half of Pastor Paul Shepherd's message is coming right up. But first, we want to thank all of you who support Destin for Victory with your prayers and financial support gifts that help Pastor Paul share the good news of salvation in Christ with a growing audience. Destin for Victory is a listener supportive ministry. And right now, with uncertainty still lingering all around us, your help is needed now more than ever, because people are looking for a reason to have hope.

And Pastor Paul is committed to sharing the hope of the gospel all over the world. So please, perfectly consider making a gift to Destin for Victory today. And when you give, we have a gift of our own to share with you. I'll tell you all about it after today's message.

Well, there's some things you don't know and there are some things you don't know you don't know. That's where following the Holy Spirit's leading can really help. Here's Pastor Paul with the rest of today's Destin for Victory message. So you want to get married. Be like the Shunammite woman who wanted to build an extension on the house. So the man of God, Elijah, when he came through town, he'd have somewhere to stay. She knew in her heart. The Bible says she was well-to-do. She had her own money, just like some of you sisters. But she knew how to honor her marriage. Now, she had already decided in her heart, I'm building an extension on the home.

But she was wise. When you read that scripture, it says she went to her husband. First of all, she invited the prophet and said, honey, I want to have them in for dinner. What do you think?

Yeah, yeah, sure. And they came on in for dinner because she wanted him to get to know the prophet to make sure he felt comfortable with him because she wanted him to have access to the house. And then she said to him, honey, you know, I'm thinking about building an extension on the house so that whenever Elijah and Gehazi come through town, they'll have somewhere to stay. What do you think about that?

Yeah, yeah, that's a pretty good idea to me. And so, see, she had it all figured out. She probably took him up on the roof.

They built, in those days, the extension would be by adding a floor, so to speak. And so she took him up on the roof, I'm sure, and just said, all right, now, she knew how she was going to build the room and everything. But she said, all right, now, what do you think? Now, do you think we should put it over on this side and put a window here because the sun comes in or should we go over here?

No, no, no, see, in the daytime, the sun comes over here and it'll be coming in this way. And she already knew that, but he's weighing in on it. So that by the time the thing goes down, the room is built, the man of God is blessed, has his own room, and the husband thinks he had something to do with it. I always imagine him, brother, shooting right down at the city gate, hanging out with the other brothers down there bragging that he built an extension on the house.

And you have to learn to work it. You're ahead of him, but don't let him know it all the time. Eve knew where they were going to live while he was still asleep because she was a help suitable for him.

She had been to Ikea, picked out colors, everything. And he wakes up and sees his partner. Some of you, there's an emotional indication in your life right now that you have a keen sense of lacking that life partnership. Another sign is a leading of the Holy Spirit, sometimes the Holy Spirit himself, who knows about you what you don't know, who knows what's ahead of you, who knows what season you're moving into. Sometimes the Spirit will lead you, and whenever the Spirit leads you, you've got to understand that your job is not to try to figure out what he's doing, but you've just got to know once you know that it's the Holy Spirit. Don't be misled, but once you know it's the Holy Spirit, then you follow him. And sometimes the Holy Spirit will lead you in this area of it's time for you to shift seasons and to find your wife.

That happened to a friend of mine in Boston. He was so engaged in this ministry, the Lord had given him a ministry of a halfway house. He bought a house as a single man and dedicated it to the Lord, and he would do jail ministry, but he was finding that as men would come out, they'd had nowhere to kind of get adjusted and get prepared for life outside. And so he dedicated this house to the Lord, started bringing these guys in that he was ministering to, and he would help them with vocational training and help them with applications and resumes and all that.

But most importantly, he kept discipling them and put the Word of God in them so that they would not become repeat offenders. And he was so active in this ministry as a single man that he really hadn't paid attention to the other signs in his life. And he said, one night I was asleep and the Lord woke me up out of a dead sleep and told me, start praying about your wife now. And he said, I rolled out of bed, got on my knees and said, Lord, if you know it's time for me to get married, then I just want to put this in your hands and I'll just trust you for this.

You lead me and I'll follow. And in that season, somewhere in that season where God had him praying about getting married, he went to a service. A friend of mine was running a revival at his church and he went to a service. And so the Lord gifted this woman to come up to him and to say to him in the midst of this service, the Lord told me to tell you that the wife you've been praying about is here tonight.

And they had not talked, of course, but this was the Holy Spirit's doing. And he said, I was like, okay, cool, where is she? And he said, during that service, he looked over at a woman that he had known for years. They had a platonic relationship. He had never dated her, never really thought about dating her. Looked over at her and the Lord said to him, that's your wife.

And he did something that I'm not sure was the wisest thing. After service, he went up to her and said, guess what? The Lord said, we're supposed to get married. She said, well, he has not spoken to me.

And you all know how I teach it. If one person gets a word, but the other one doesn't say amen. You got to wait on the amen.

Don't take somebody else's word for it when it's your life at stake here. And so she waited on the Lord for herself. The Lord eventually confirmed it to her.

They are married to this day. Sometimes the leading of the Holy Spirit helps you to discern that it's your time. And then sometimes you have an obvious destiny connection. That's what happened with Boaz and Ruth when Ruth comes back to Bethlehem with her mother in law, Naomi, with a sure word in her heart that she was to be with Naomi. It was because her destiny was connected to this woman. Here she is in a place she's never been.

She doesn't know their culture. She's just learning who their God is. But in her heart, she knows her destiny is tied to Naomi. And so as she follows Naomi's instruction and goes into the field, the Bible says, as it turned out, she ended up in the field of Boaz.

And God brought her and Boaz together in a wonderfully supernatural way. And sometimes you'll just see those destiny connections. Whenever you walk with God, he'll give you those divine appointments. He'll have you in a certain place at a certain time to meet certain people who are part of your destiny. And so you've got to you've got to learn that there are no accidents in the framework of God's moves in your life, but he is strategically positioning you. So it's time to find your wife. If you're seeing one of these signs manifested in your life, brother, don't try to outlast your single season.

It won't work. You have grace for every day and you have grace for every season. And when your grace starts running out, you've got to discern your next season.

I'm concerned there are a lot of single men these days trying to hang out too long in singleness. And the result is we have too much sexual immorality, even in the church. Say amen whenever you can. And the word of God is clear. Don't try to pray and fast over it.

Don't try to don't try to rationalize. Well, I need to line up a few things. I'm still trying to line things up. You get married and let God help you get it lined up. But when it's clear that you are running out of your grace for singleness, brother, I want you to know that the word of God says it is time for you to begin the process of finding your wife. Now, with regard to finding your wife, that takes me to my next point for single men, because the Bible says in Proverbs 18, 22, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. He who finds a wife. This leads me to the next point. Know a good thing when you see one.

Know a good thing when you see one. Now, let's dissect the passage. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.

Now, if you want to execute scripture, you've got to look at every phrase and understand what God's saying to you. He who finds a wife pause right there, not he who finds a woman. But I wouldn't say who he who finds a woman finds a good thing. What's wrong with a lot of single men is you spend all your life chasing women and not looking for a wife. He who finds a wife, not he who finds a woman. Some of you have had a woman all your life from the time you were a little young trying to be a Mac.

Little Mac Jr. And all your life you have found girls and later on women, but you didn't understand when you came into the kingdom, the goal in the kingdom is for you to not hook up with a woman. The Bible says he who finds a wife, not every woman wants to be a wife. Not every woman is prepared to be, is equipped to be, is anxious to be, is eager to be a wife. Because a wife, according to God's design in Genesis, is a help suitable.

Someone who is going to be a blessing in your life connected to you in the same way that Ruth was connected first to Naomi and then eventually to Boaz. Someone who understands that her role is to fulfill God's purpose in her. And so he who finds a wife, not every woman is a wife. Now brothers, some of you are good at finding women because you are looking for the wrong things. If you're looking for a woman, you can be looking merely for the superficial pleasure of being with a woman who looks the way you want her to look.

And the point is, if you're looking for a wife, you have to not only consider the way she looks, but you have to make sure that is not the soul or even the primary thing you are looking for. Boaz wasn't looking for a woman, he was looking for a wife. And because he was going about it God's way, he found the answers to his prayers in Ruth. As for Ruth, she was doing things God's way too.

She clung to her faith and God led her straight to that divine appointment with Boaz. And he'll do the same for you, often when you least expect it. Thanks so much for joining us for Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, So You Want to Get Married. Listen to any of his recent messages on demand at pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net.

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You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California 94538. There's a difference between the cover of a book and a book. There's a difference between the outside and the inside. And you marry who a person is, you don't marry what they look like. You marry who they are. That's tomorrow in Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, so you want to get married. Until then remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory. you