So You Want to Get Married Part 2

And so that's what Naomi was telling her daughter-in-law to make sure you pay attention to this because men respond to and appreciate physical attractiveness. Men are so wired that we are often drawn to certain things initially because of their sensory appeal to us. Men may be from Mars and women may be from Venus, but they meet and marry on Earth. Hello and welcome to Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd, Senior Pastor at Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. Thanks for spending part of your busy Friday with us. Well, it's true ladies, men are visual creatures who are initially attracted to a woman's appearance.

But that does not necessarily make them superficial. Today's message is geared for women, but men, I encourage you to stick around too. You'll enjoy the way Pastor Paul describes the differences between the two sexes. And you'll also see the way a godly man named Boaz handled his attraction to Ruth while still treating her with honor and respect. Stay with us here or visit pastorpaul.net to listen on demand anytime.

That's pastorpaul.net. Now let's join Pastor Paul for today's message, So You Want to Get Married. Maximize who you are.

Don't spend your time trying to be what you're not, but give God a good return on his investment in you. And so that's what Naomi was telling her daughter-in-law to make sure you pay attention to this because men respond to and appreciate physical attractiveness. Men are so wired that we are often drawn to certain things initially because of their sensory appeal to us. The initial drawing point for a lot of men is there's the sensory appeal that something has. Now hopefully beyond that he will look for substance and he will look for some other things, but he is often drawn initially because of a sensory kind of appeal.

It is the way men are wired. And women, you know that on some level, even if no one actually took time and taught it like I'm doing now, you know it on some level. The reason I know you know it on some level is because most of you, when you've gone on dates, you have taken some time and paid attention to the way you looked.

And nobody had to preach you a sermon, but most of you, if not all of you, when you knew you were going on a date, you took some time to think about what will I wear, what compliments me, what makes me look good. You washed, you put on your colognes or whatever it is, and you did your hair. You made sure that you presented yourself in a certain way.

And you didn't feel demeaned. This was of your own doing because you know on some level that men respond to sensory appeal, especially their eyes and their ears. That is the way men are wired, and you knew it on some level.

I'm just now broadening your understanding of it. It's so true that married women will tell you, especially when they're going through seasons where money is tight, there are women who will tell you, I can't even send my husband to Best Buy alone or to fry some electronics store. I can't let him go by himself because of the sensory appeal mechanism. Because married women will tell you, he will go to a store like that, fry, the Best Buy, some electronics place, and he'll say, baby, I'm going out. We need some batteries for the remote. And he'll go down to the store and see when they were young in their marriage and she thought, okay, he's going to get batteries. He'd be right back.

She stayed home, did what she was doing. She expected him to run down to Best Buy, grab the batteries, and come back. But she has learned over the years of being married to this man that she now can't afford to do that if she's got to watch the budget because they built that store knowing that this man cannot handle sensory overload. So he walks in. There's batteries there, but he walks in and sees big screen TVs all over the place. He hears sounds. He sees sights.

Things call him, come over to this section. And he goes over and he is mesmerized by all that he sees and all that he hears. They build little rooms in the store for these men. They know how we are and so they build a room. There's a couch in there. And so he can go in there and sit down and look at this gorgeous television with the brightest picture he has ever seen in his life, high definition. And he is amazed by all the things that you can make out.

You can see the beads of sweat on the people. Oh, my, my. And he's sitting there looking at it and then they hand him this beautiful big remote that does all of these wonderful things. And he's amazed by all that you can control right from the comfort of this couch and he's sitting there and they have the surround sound speakers and they're smart. They put on a movie with wonderful special effects and beautiful sounds and there he is watching bombs explode, but he hears them exploding all behind his head. And he can't handle it.

It's sensory overload. And now this man who went to the store to buy batteries is talking to a salesperson about how affordable they have made this package, this surround sound package, where you can get that TV and all of these speakers and this beautiful remote and the high def receiver and we have made it so that it will fit into anybody's budget. And he went home and he went to the store to get batteries and his wife in the early days of their marriage thought he'd come back with a little bag with batteries in it and he comes in talking, baby, open that door for me. Open that door. Come here.

Got a grand big old box. So now, talk to her. Now that she's been married and she understands his sensory appeal thing and if she's got to watch the budget in this season when he says, baby, I'm going to get batteries, she says, oh, you know what? I feel like riding. Let me go with you. Wise wives know now you got to go with him. Accompany him to the store. Don't just sit in the car.

Baby, I'm going in there and walk around with you. What she's doing is protecting her budget, protecting her home. Sensory. Sensory appeal. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but you got to understand it.

You got to understand it. Watch a man win the kind of car he likes, whether it's a sports car, sedan, SUV, whatever he's into, watch him win a brand new sparkling clean car that he admires goes down the street. You can be having a conversation. He'll stop in the middle of a sentence and say, whoa. Sensory appeal. And what you got to understand is the same thing that makes him see a TV or hear surround sound and say, whoa. Same thing that makes him see a car go down the street and say, whoa. Women.

Whoa. You got to understand it. You got to understand it. You got to understand that it's not wrong in and of itself.

It's wrong when he takes it to a place it shouldn't go. The Bible calls lust. The Bible calls it lust when it goes to a place it shouldn't go. Lust. What does lust mean? Inordinate desire.

It is whoa gone too far. That's lust. I want you to understand this. See, and so ministries, churches that are raising up discipling men have got to teach them how to be a man after God's own heart, despite the way he is wired.

And there is a way to do it. When you disciple men, there's no such thing as discipling men. If you don't plan to talk about women, you're wasting your time. If he's going to be a man of God, you got to teach him how to handle the whoa factor. Got to teach him how to deal with that.

Teach him to agree when he sees a woman and she is pretty and he looks at her while she is pretty. Go on and agree with that thing in your mind. Isn't she fine?

Yes, she is. See, you don't live right by being in denial. Denial will mess you up. Brother, don't try to act like she's not pretty. Don't sit there and say, no, no, no, no, I can't.

You're messing yourself up. Agree. Isn't that woman beautiful?

Yes. Then godliness will teach you to begin now to talk to yourself and say, but we're not going to continue to look at her. We're not going to ogle her because she's not mine. There's no need of fantasizing. There's no need of me filling my mind with her because she is not mine. If she's not the root to my boy, then there is no point of me driving down that dead end street of fantasizing about what God does not have for me. And you teach him how to stay in the proper boundary because lust is inordinate desire. It is woe gone too far.

It is woe watching the woman until she is all the way out of sight. Stay with us. We're only about halfway through today's destined for victory message with Pastor Paul Shepherd. We want to thank all of you whose prayers and financial support helped Pastor Paul share the gospel all over the world. And as we find ourselves living in a period of uncertainty, your support is even more critical today, because in times of crisis, people are looking for a reason to have hope.

Well, Jesus is that hope. So please, prayerfully consider making a gift to Destined for Victory today. Give online safely and securely from our website, pastorpaul.net, or give us a call at 855-339-5500.

Again, the number is 855-339-5500. And when you give, we have a gift of our own to share with you. I'll tell you all about it after today's message. Ladies, do you want to honor your future husband? Live honorably before you even meet him.

Here's Pastor Paul with the rest of today's message. So you want to get married. Women, you can help. You who are married, you can help your husband. Don't be like some unwise women I know who get mad because other women are pretty.

That's not going to help your situation. You know, you're somewhere on vacation, you know, and everybody got on their vacation clothes. You had some resort, some island somewhere, whatever, and they all got shorts, and the women with the pretty legs and all and stuff and everything. And the man sees her, and you see her coming down the street towards y'all. Don't be foolish like some women I know. None of y'all, but women I know. Don't be foolish. You're copping an attitude because you see the woman, so you know your husband sees the woman, and you're copping the attitude, and now you open your mouth and say something like, I know you don't think she's pretty.

What are you doing? Why would you ask a question like that? That's a no-win proposition because if he says, yes, I do, you're mad. If he says, no, she's not pretty, he lied. It's a no-win proposition. You want to do something constructive in that moment, go in the intercession when you see that woman coming down the street. You don't have to open your mouth, just in your heart, Father, in the name of Jesus. Oh, I know my husband wants to be a man after God's own heart. Strengthen him, Jesus. Help him, Lord. Help him.

We've got to walk past this, sister. Help him, Lord. Be with him right now, God. Oh, stand up inside of him, Jesus. Prop him up on every leaning side, Lord.

Oh, God. That's what you do. He'll never know you're praying. Just right while you're walking down the street, you just intercede.

Help him to be a man of God. Don't go pointing out, now, I know. You know she bought some of that. Now, you know it. He don't care where it came from.

All he want to know is where is the store, where do you buy it? So you want to help him pray for him, encourage him, and pay appropriate attention to appearance. Single women, don't resent it. Don't resist it. Just understand that in its context, it is a good thing. You shouldn't preoccupy yourself. I'm not talking about spending hours every day in the mirror.

I'm not talking about going through all kind of ridiculous changes, trying to do something. That's not what Naomi was saying for Ruth. She's simply saying you want to respect the fact that sensory appeal is an issue for men. Now, there are some exceptions. Not every man on the planet considers physical attractiveness a very high thing on his list of priorities as he is seeking his Ruth. Not every man is that way. There are some men who really don't care one way or the other. They're only about the character and all that, the substance of who you are. They could care less what you look like, but the three of them are the exception to the rule.

They're the exception to the rule. Now, if you want to believe God for one of those three, you go right ahead. Well, I'm believing for a husband like that, then you go right ahead according to your faith, be it under you.

God bless you. But I'm telling you, most of you all are going to find that Boaz cares that you don't consider it too demeaning or too inconvenient to take some time and appropriately consider your personal appearance. In fact, it will send a sign to a man when a woman takes pride and gives thought to the way she will appear as they're going to spend time together. And it is a sign to him that this will, in all likelihood, not be a point of struggle because a man does not want to commit his life to someone who he feels like he is going to have to be in a tug of war to convince her that he appreciates her thoughtfulness in the manner of her appearance. And so it will be a sign to him. Now, the reality is he is going to have to learn that you can't do that, because if you all get married and what have you, you go through in real life, you have busy schedules and children and all kinds of things, and he cannot expect a beauty queen every single day of his life, and he will have to learn that.

But you need to also meet him at a point of reasonable understanding to say, listen, honey, I am going to make sure that at every season in our lives there are times when you can feel good about us being out. I don't want that same smile that I used to see on your face. I want to do what I can to make sure it doesn't go away forever. That's just reasonable. We're not talking about being inappropriate, being fully preoccupied with something. But take some time and pay attention.

Final qualifier before I go on to my next point. If you don't intend to do that, this is your call to make. I'm sorry. It's never been a big deal to me. And frankly, I resent the fact that men are so sensory they just need to grow up.

That's their problem. They just need to grow. I've heard people talk like that as though it's a matter of immaturity, that once he becomes mature he won't care that you look like just as I am without one plea. If you want to be in that kind of denial, you go right ahead, because I'm telling you that season is not coming in his life unless you put his eyes all the way out.

I don't care if he's 78, 79 years old. At that age he will still know what he likes to see versus what he just sees. So it's not a matter of immaturity.

But for those of you who want to insist, you just need to grow up and all of that. And you don't plan to do anything. If that's the way you are going to be married, then be that way single. Do not bait and switch.

Don't bait and switch. Don't fix all up. And then the last time he see you like that is on the wedding day. And from then on it's like, what in the world did I get myself into?

Who is this? What was I thinking here? Go grab his boys. What's the matter with y'all?

How come somebody didn't tell me? Pay appropriate attention. Lesson number four. Now lesson number four for single women is also lesson number one for single men. This next lesson applies to both. And then thereafter I'll be talking to men about things they can learn from Boaz. This is number four if you've been tracking and taking notes. Number four lesson for single women and also simultaneously the number one lesson for single men. And it is this.

Maintain sexual purity at all costs. Thank you for those amens. Ruth chapter three beginning with verse seven. When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet and lay down.

In the middle of the night something startled the man and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. Who are you? He asked. I am your servant Ruth.

She said. Spread the corner of your garment over me since you are a kinsman redeemer. The Lord blessed you my daughter he replied. This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier.

You have not run after the younger men whether rich or poor. And now my daughter don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know, watch this, that you are a woman of noble character. Although it is true that I am near of kin there is a kinsman redeemer nearer than I. Stay here for the night and in the morning if he wants to redeem good let him redeem. But if he is not willing as surely as the Lord lives I will do it. Lie here until morning.

Verse 14 first phrase. So she lay at his feet until morning. Do you all see where she's laying? She laid at his feet until morning. She didn't say well you know if you really want a man's attention you can't lay down there. I think I need to scooch up under those covers.

And Boaz didn't say well how bad do you want a kinsman redeemer? You see some of you all want me to preach PG but we don't live PG lives. I got to bring it like this because we are living PG 13 we are living R and unfortunately we got some X in the church. Times change and cultures change but the word of the Lord stands forever. Be encouraged today as children of the living God. Honor your future spouses by honoring the Lord while you're single. Follow the unchanging precepts of his word rather than the shifting sands of cultural morality. In doing so he will lead you on a path towards joy unspeakable and peace that surpasses our understanding. Well right now it may seem like the worst of times but from God's perspective these could very well be the best of times.

Because it isn't times of chaos when people are often more willing to embrace the cross and God's will is that all would come to the knowledge of repentance. As we walk together through a season of uncertainty let us be a safe place for the lost to land. Let's choose to love them into the kingdom the way God has loved us. One of the best ways you can do that is by becoming one of our destined for victory partners.

A group of people who give at least $20 a month to keep these radio and internet messages airing the whole year through. As our way of saying thanks for your partnership we'll send you a few thank you gifts including one of Pastor Paul's most popular CDs the best of let my people smile. Call 855-339-5500 to find out more about how to become a destined for victory partner. You can make your pledge over the phone or mail your gift letting us know you wish to become a partner.

The address is destined for victory post office box 1767 Fremont California 94538. You can also become our partner from our website pastorpaul.net. In case you can't become a destined for victory partner but would like to make a generous donation today. We'd love to send you a book by Deborah Smith Pegues called 30 days to taming worry and anxiety. A great resource that will help you learn to deal with life's most difficult circumstances in a way that won't cost you the joy and peace God longs to give you.

Again it's called 30 days to taming worry and anxiety and it's our gift to you by request for your generous donation to destined for victory. Sex is part of the benefits package of the job of marriage. You don't get a benefits package when you don't have a job. And we got folk going around the church hitting up people for benefits packages and godly singles need to start saying to folk do you want a job?

Would you like an application? That's next time in pastor Paul Shepherd's message so you want to get married. Until then remember he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ you are destined for victory.