So You Want to Get Married Part 1

And so here are these two widows, one older, one younger, but Ruth has decided I'm not going to bellyache about what I don't have.

I'm not going to bellyache about what I have lost. It is time for me to get on with the business of living. Hello and welcome to this Wednesday edition of Destined for Victory. Wherever you are and however you may be listening, whether online, on radio, or on your mobile device, we're always glad to have you with us. In just a few minutes, Pastor Paul Shepherd offers a message to single women. But if you're a man or a married woman, I encourage you to stay tuned because you have single women in your sphere of influence, a daughter, a co-worker, a sister, and you can use today's message to strengthen and encourage the single women in your life to cling to God's perfect will and to His perfect timing. Stay with us here or visit pastorpaul.net anytime to listen to Destined for Victory on demand.

You can also download the podcast at Google Podcasts or wherever you get yours. Now let's join Pastor Paul for today's Destined for Victory message, So You Want to Get Married. When Boaz had finished eating and drinking and was in good spirits, he went over to lie down at the far end of the grain pile. Ruth approached quietly, uncovered his feet, and lay down.

In the middle of the night, something startled the man and he turned and discovered a woman lying at his feet. Who are you, he asked. I am your servant Ruth, she said. Spread the corner of your garment over me since you are a kinsman redeemer. The Lord blessed you, my daughter, he replied. This kindness is greater than that which you showed earlier.

You have not run after the younger men, whether rich or poor. And now, my daughter, don't be afraid. I will do for you all you ask. All my fellow townsmen know that you are a woman of noble character.

I am entitling this section of our series, So You Want to Get Married. In our last messages in the series, we discussed the fact that diligence and destiny are not competing concepts as some believe. Some people in the body of Christ, some theologians believe that you kind of have to choose whether you believe in destiny, the sovereignty of God, controlling, sovereignly controlling all the affairs of men, or whether you believe in diligence, the responsibility of man to cause things to happen as they should. The reality is the Bible doesn't teach diligence and destiny as competing concepts. The Bible teaches them as complementary concepts.

That is to say, the Bible simultaneously teaches that God is sovereign and that man is responsible. And so we talked about diligence and destiny in the past couple of messages. Now I want us to look at this theme as it relates to Ruth's efforts now to begin to follow Naomi's instruction and to get married. So I want to talk in this part of our series, especially to single people. I don't want the married folk to tune out because I need you to realize that there are singles in your life, in your sphere of influence that you need to help guide and encourage through singleness and so you need to really be familiar with the things I'll be sharing as well so that you can aid in the encouragement and instruction to singles. But I need to dedicate these remarks to single persons in the body of Christ, especially those who want to get married. By the way, if you don't want to get married, no problem. God's not going to force you to get married against your will.

He has not said you've got to get married because that's the way it ought to be. And unfortunately some even in the church kind of present it that way and you know we'll cite things like it's not good for man to be alone. But the reality is God has created a number of mechanisms by which we can have meaningful fellowship. Marriage is the foremost of them in terms of God's plan for procreation. But marriage is not the only means by which someone can have significant relationship.

First and foremost when you are saved, you're baptized by the Holy Spirit into the body of Christ. And the body of Christ is meant to be that family that you can count on until you get to heaven. And so don't assume that you've got to be married in order to be a whole person.

Sometimes we're guilty in the church of sort of painting that picture. The reality is you ought to be whole before and you ought to be whole whether or not you get married. All of us are called to be whole in Christ.

And it shouldn't have anything to do with your marital status. In fact there are a whole lot of married folk who still need to be whole. Because the Bible says they too shall become one.

That's God's plan for marriage. Two whole people who know who they are in Christ. They have their sense of identity from the word of God. They know what God is doing to them and doing through them.

And they have that sense of personhood and identity in Christ. Those two people can come together. The Bible doesn't say two halves become one.

That's not what marriage is meant to be. I'm jacked up. You jacked up.

Let's put our jacked upness together. That's not God's plan. God's plan is for people who are whole to join themselves together and to create one unit in the plan of God. So you ought to be whole regardless of whether you are married.

But if you want to be married I want to especially talk to you about some things you need to know. Ruth is a young woman who as we have seen is a Moabitess but she has a sense of divine destiny. God has uniquely called her to be part of his plan in actually bringing Jesus Christ into the world. She is going to play a key role and God has a plan for every one of our lives. She comes back to Bethlehem we've seen when Naomi is already defeated. Naomi is feeling like there's no hope for me.

There's no future for me. But Ruth is showing her the importance of just following where God is taking you because you haven't seen anything yet when you deal with God. And so we've seen that Ruth has positioned herself by being proactive. We talked in the last message about the fact that she was proactive.

She was polite and she was persistent. And so much so that as a result of her proactivity, her politeness, her persistence, she caught the attention of Boaz who God has ordained to be the man she will marry. And so if you will just stay focused on God's plan, become who he has made you to be and destined you to be, I'm telling you God has some surprising things in store for our lives. And where marriage is concerned, if you are to be married, if you want to be married, there's a word I have to share with you in this message and the next message.

I want to show you specifically how this diligence destiny concept has to do, how it is related to this business of marriage. Now there are two basic theories as to how God brings people together in the body of Christ. And I want to say to you it doesn't matter which theory you subscribe to, if you'll just follow God in diligence and obedience, God will not allow you to miss anything that he has ordained for your life.

So it doesn't matter. I'm not pushing one over the other. You can believe whichever of the two theories is in your heart to believe your best understanding of God's will as it is revealed in his word. The two theories I call them, the first one is the Cinderella theory. There are many people in the body of Christ who believe that the way you find your spouse is, God has preordained one prince for every Cinderella on the planet. And you know the story of Cinderella. You know that she was there just a plain, ordinary, hardworking young woman and her evil stepsisters had gotten invited to the ball, the prince's ball, and they weren't going to let her go and she's got to stay home and do the chores and she's there in tattered clothes just working and doing the chores and wishing that she had a life. But all along comes the fairy godmother. The fairy godmother gives her hope and a future. She says, you too can be somebody and I will bless you to be somebody. And so she talks to her and what have you and she gives her a blessing in the form of this magic that results in her being turned into a beautiful young woman with this gorgeous gown. She takes a pumpkin and turns it into a carriage and she says, you can go off to the ball.

Now the only catch is you've got to be out of there by midnight because all of this is going away at midnight. And so off Cinderella is to the ball and when she walks in, the prince has been there kind of searching for his special woman and he's dancing with everybody and none of them are ringing his bell. But oh, when Cinderella walks in, he looks up. You all remember that moment. He looks up and he is just enthralled by what he sees. It's as if he looked.

It's like that song when I first saw you, I said, Oh my. Coming up next, the rest of today's message. So you want to get married with Pastor Paul Shepherd, Senior Pastor at Destiny Christian Fellowship in Fremont, California. If you've never stopped by our website, pastorpaul.net, I invite you to do it when you have some time. You'll find all of Pastor Paul's recent messages on demand, plus a host of great resources in our online store, including books and DVD messages from Pastor Paul. Pastorpaul.net is a great place to learn more about the ministry and all the great things friends like you are doing through your prayers and financial support. And now you can watch selected video clips by subscribing to Pastor Paul on YouTube.

For more details and links to all of his social media, be sure to visit pastorpaul.net. Well, ladies, if you're worried about finding Mr. Right, you don't need to be. Find out why next in the rest of today's Destined for Victory message. So you want to get married.

Once again, here's Pastor Paul. And he dances with her and they have a wonderful night. And those beautiful Roger Hammerstein songs you remember all of that just Oh, just almost anointed, just wonderful. And she has such a good time. She's not keeping track of time. And suddenly the clock begins to chime toward midnight. And she in a panic has to run out and get out of there before the magic goes away. And she's she runs out of her slipper, one of her slippers, and gets makes her escape. But he picks up the slipper and he says, Oh, this is the woman of my dreams.

I've got to find her. And he goes throughout the kingdom, looking for the woman whose foot perfectly fits this slipper. And he tries on a whole lot of feet and, and, and they just don't fit. But finally he gets to the right place. And, and the stepsisters try to keep Cinderella from, from even seeing the prince. But Oh, as God would have it, she comes out anyhow. And he finds her and he puts her foot in the slipper and it fits perfectly.

And she turns back into the beautiful princess and they ride off. Now that's the way some believers believe God has ordained it for us. Some folk think that's God's plan, that there is one prince for every Cinderella. God has preordained it. And all you got to do is find your hookup.

It's like E harmony on high kind of thing. You know, God, God finds your hookup. There's this one person. So that's what some folk believe. If that's what you believe, the Bible says in Romans 14, when it comes to these kinds of matters, be fully convinced in your own mind. There are other believers who don't subscribe to the Cinderella theory.

They subscribe to a theory I call any good size eight will do. And that belief system is that God has not preordained a single individual you can marry and be in his will, but rather God has given us precepts and principles in the word and tells us the kind of person to look for. And it says things like he who finds a wife finds a good thing. And people in that theory would say, see, it doesn't say he who finds his one and only wife, but he who finds a suitable partner finds a good thing. And so that camp believes that there are any number of people who you could potentially marry and be in the will of God. They cite things like the fact that there are many folks who married in their sins, but now that they're in the kingdom and walking by the word, their marriages are strong and wonderful. And so it's not this, you know, both people have to be saved and prayerful and fasting and all that in order to find the right person. And so I've seen folk debate that. I think it's an unfortunate debate because my belief is according to your faith be it unto you when it comes to these debatable matters. Fully persuaded in your own mind and heart. Here's my point.

No matter which theory you believe, Cinderella or any good size eight will do. If you will walk in obedience and diligence, God will not let you miss anything he has ordained for your life. You will not miss his plan, his purpose. You don't have to go around paranoid when you walk with God. Did I miss it?

Was this a whole? You don't have to go through all of that. Just walk with him in faithfulness, in obedience, in diligence, and God will bless your life. So I have a word for singles. I want to speak to you out of my heart.

In fact, I've got so much I want to say to you that I've got to spread it out over the next couple of messages. I want to say something specifically to single women based on what we can glean from Ruth's life and then I want to speak to single men based on what we can glean from Boaz's life. So I want to begin with the women.

I want to begin with you Ruth's out there. I want you to hear my heart as I try to help you as it relates to this business of marriage. If you want to be married, let me give you some of what I pray will be helpful encouragement and exhortation. Number one, if you want to be married, maximize your life as a single woman.

Maximize your life as a single woman. I want you to note that by Ruth's example, she was enjoying her life, maximizing her life as a single woman before she met or even knew there was such a thing as a Boaz. When you see her in chapter 2 verse 3, she is out there working in the field. She went to a field because she is providing for herself and her mother-in-law. She is responsible.

As I said, she has proactivity going for her. She decided I'm not going to sit around and bellyache because my husband is dead. You know from earlier in our study that she lost her husband as did her mother-in-law Naomi. And so here are these two widows, one older, one younger. But Ruth has decided I'm not going to bellyache about what I don't have. I'm not going to bellyache about what I have lost. It is time for me to get on with the business of living. I'm here to challenge single women. This is not the time in your life for you to spend your time being focused on what you don't have. The man who almost got away or the one that you almost got but some other woman grabbed him and stole him and all that kind of stuff.

Or death took him away. Or bellyaching about statistics. How many men are in jail? How many men are gay?

How many men listening to all these statistics, watching movies where they bellyache about the pandemic of a shortage of men in America. Put all of that out of your mind. You are called according to God's purpose.

God has a plan and a purpose for your life. And it's not for you to sit around bellyaching and complaining and saying if I only had a man. You can't add a verse to that song.

That song is wonderful just like it is in the Wizard of Oz. If I only had a brain. If I only had a heart. If I only had some courage. And some of y'all trying to add a fourth verse. If I only had a man.

No, no. Leave that song just the way it is. It's perfect just like it is. And what you need is a life. And you can have that life as a single individual. You don't need someone. You don't need a ring on your finger. You don't need somebody else's last name in order to have a life.

Oh, I've got something to say if you'll listen to me. I want to encourage you to maximize your life as a single woman. Ruth is productive. You see her out there working and making it happen in her life. She is polite. She is persistent. She is going about the business of living. She is taking what life has given her to work with and maximizing it. Now look at her. She is away from her countrymen. She has left her country.

She's in a foreign place in Bethlehem among these people she doesn't know. But she has decided my destiny is somehow tied to my mother-in-law and I am going to live my life here. I'm not going to fly a holding pattern waiting for somebody before I land and get started with the business of living.

I'm going to live my life. I am not going to be a person who is preoccupied with my biological clock. We got too much clock watching in the kingdom of God. We have too many folk focused on their clock.

Listen, you didn't start your clock. God is the one who determined the days of your life. He appointed the days of your life. The Bible says as your days your strength ought to be. With every day you ought to say God I want to maximize what you are doing in me. You brought me to the planet for a purpose and I cannot make the mistake of saying I got a preoccupied with my biological clock. Let the clock tick on.

You stay focused on the will of God and maximizing what God has put in front of you. And you know why this is such important advice for single women? Because the man you are expecting to hook up with is not looking for a woman with no life. See a lot of you have a very specific idea of who you hope to hook up with. Some of you can just about picture him. You got it all because women are detail oriented anyway and some of you all have very specific pictures of what you are looking for in the husband of your future.

Let me tell you something. When you get through picturing him and imagining him and articulating everything that he will be, let me tell you something about him. He is not looking for a woman who is on hold waiting to meet him so that she can start living. A man who has a life isn't looking for a woman who has none. He is looking for a companion. He is looking for a help suitable for him. That's the biblical definition of a wife.

A helper suitable for him. The reason why men need to be married in many cases, not in all, some men can thrive in singleness. God enables them to do it. As long as they have other meaningful relationships they can get the will of God done. So brother you don't have to get married.

Don't misunderstand the point I'm making. But the general rule is he who finds a wife finds a good thing. The reason he finds a good thing is because men need a helper suitable for him.

That's what Adam needed. That's what many men need. A helper suitable. We say help mate but the Bible says King James said help mate means help suitable for him. In other words someone who can compliment, who can take what he has and help him maximize it.

A helper suitable. Men need wives because men need help. Thanks so much for joining us for today's Destined for Victory message, So You Want to Get Married. We'll pick it up right here tomorrow when Pastor Paul takes us to the story of Ruth as he offers more insights on the marriage relationship. Look for any of Pastor Paul's recent messages on demand at pastorpaul.net.

Once again that's pastorpaul.net. Well for months now we've been living in a period of uncertainty. Some are seeking answers in all the wrong places.

There's chaos and confusion, political strife and social unrest. But there is good news. More people than ever are listening to Christian radio and internet programs like Destined for Victory.

They're looking for truth, for answers that make sense. And that's why your support is so critical today because Pastor Paul shares that truth every day here on the program, but he needs your help to do it. For your generous donation to Destined for Victory, we have a gift we'd like to send your way. A book from Deborah Smith Pagays called 30 Days to Taming Worry and Anxiety. If the circumstances of life have ever caused you to be worried and stressed out, this resource can be of great help. Packed with truth straight from God's Word, 30 Days to Taming Worry and Anxiety will show you how to manage life's stressful situations God's way.

And when you do, you'll have the kind of joy and peace He longs to give you. That's 30 Days to Taming Worry and Anxiety, our gift to you by request for your generous gift to Destined for Victory. Just call 855-339-5500 to give over the phone or mail your gift to Destined for Victory, Post Office Box 1767, Fremont California 94538. You can also make a safe and secure donation from our website, PastorPaul.net.

Thanks in advance for helping keep Destined for Victory on the air. You've got to get solution oriented. Some of you have the wrong gift. You have the gift of being able to find a problem in a haystack of solutions. And you need to ask God to bless you so that you can learn to find a solution in a haystack of problems. That's next time in Pastor Paul Shepherd's message, So You Want to Get Married. Until then remember, He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are Destined for Victory.