Haven't been deserted, but Paul experienced the pain not only of desertion; he experienced the pain of disappointers. How do you deal with disappointers?
Now, let me show you the difference. Hello, and welcome to another great day on Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepherd. It's always a pleasure to have you with us.
Well, if you live long enough, you'll get left by someone you never thought would leave—maybe for a season, maybe for a lifetime. But there's another group—the people who stay, but who sometimes let you down. They don't desert you; they just disappoint you. Today, we'll help you understand the right way to deal with these disappointers. Remember to visit PastorPaul.net to listen to a recent message on demand, including today's.
That's PastorPaul.net, or you can subscribe to the podcast at Spotify or wherever you enjoy podcasts.
Now. Let's listen into our "Destined for Victory" message. I've got a new attitude. You're going to have to feed your faith by pursuing God and believing Him for the strength to move on. You remember David did that back in his day, in in First Samuel chapter thirty.
David was on the run from the king.
Now here is a king. He has devoted his life to. He's done nothing but bless this man, nothing but help this man. And what does he get for being a faithful, loyal servant? The king is trying to kill him.
You've had that happen in your life. You had some folk. You have done your best by them, and they won't come through for you. And let me tell you, the king is pursuing him, and all is breaking out in his life is wrong. There's a whole season where David looks like he can't catch a break, and then ultimately they go off to try to fight.
With an army they're not even part of, but while they're living in the land of the Philistines, they say, "Well, let's go help these folks. Since I can't even fight with my own army, let me go help these people who are fighting some other army." And he goes to try to offer his services, he and his men, and they reject him. They say, "No, we don't trust you," and they send him back home. Then, when they get back home, they find out that their wives and children have been taken captive. Going from bad to worse, and the Bible says in that low moment, David and his men began to cry and weep, and the Bible says in one of the verses there in First Samuel thirty, it said they cried till they had no more strength.
I mean, the pain was deep. As David was feeling like I can't catch a break to save my life, then as if that's not bad enough, then his men say, "You know what? We wouldn't be in this mess if we weren't following David." And the Bible says they started talking about killing him. People you've been leading and helping, now trying to take you out. It can't get any worse, and he's got nobody to encourage him.
But there's a verse in there that says, "But David found strength in the Lord his God. He began to strengthen himself in God. He pursued God. He went before God and said, 'Lord, I don't have anybody I can lean on.
Some of you are there right now. You've been deserted, and you feel like there's nobody I can count on, Lord.' And the Lord is saying, 'Well, I'm here, and if I'm with you.'" Some songwriter said, "God and me makes a majority. If God be for me, who can be against me?" And somebody listening to this message, you got to decide you're going to be like David and find strength in the Lord your God. How do you deal with deserters? You face it, face the fact that you've been deserted.
You grieve it. You forgive your deserter. That is, you put him in the hands of the Lord, and then you pursue God for the strength to move on.
Now, some of us haven't been deserted, but Paul experienced the pain not only of desertion; he experienced the pain of disappointers. How do you deal with disappointers?
Now let me show you the difference. Look at what Paul says in Second Timothy four, in verse ten, he says Demas has deserted me. That's somebody who has just walked off and left him, has just left him high and dry. He says, but there are some other folk who aren't here. They didn't desert me because they wanted to do me harm, but they just have other things on their schedule.
He says in the rest of verse ten, Crescens has gone to Galatia, Titus has gone to Dalmatia. Only Luke is with me now. You not only have Demas in your life, you have some Crescens and some Titus. These are people I call disappointers. Disappointers are different from deserters.
Deserters are folk who you should have been able to count on. And there's been a whole period of time when relating with them has won you great dividends, but at some point, their affection left them for you, their heart left you, and they took off, and they're no longer in your life, left you hanging. But the Crescens and the Titises aren't deserters. They love you. They call you every now and then.
Hey, how you doing? Just thinking about you. They email you. They text you. But when you're feeling lonely, you're sitting in the jail cell of your circumstances, and you hit them up.
Say, "What you doing? Oh yeah, yeah. I'm over here in Thessalonica. I'm over here in Dalmatia." I'm over here and this or that. They love you, but they can't always be available to you.
You ever been disappointed by people who you know they love you, but they just seem to have a knack for just when you really need somebody, they're nowhere around. And listen, I have come to discover that God sees to it that there is no individual. Who is so much what you need until you run the risk of depending on them instead of the Lord?
So you know what God does? He simply lets people be people. That's all He has to do to teach you the lesson of putting your trust in Him. All He has to do is let your friends be your friends, let your relatives be your relatives. That's all it takes.
Say, yep, that's Pookie in them. They just be in themselves. They love you, love you. They send you Christmas cards, send you, you know, all that. They love you, but when you need them, they're not always available.
And disappointments, all of us have them. People who love us. But they can't always be there for you.
Now you got to be careful when you're dealing with disappointment. I've learned over the years you got to be careful because sometimes we get more upset with people who love us than people who don't. Stay with me now. I'm going somewhere.
Sometimes we get more upset because when you know folks love you. You can have a tendency to put more pressure on them, have higher expectations than they can reasonably measure up to. See, you've been listening to songs, and songs talk about us at our best when we're connecting with other people. You know those songs about how I always be with you and and all like that, and that's what friends are for. You've been listening to that.
You was back in the '80s. That was the Disappointer song of the '80s. Keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me for sure. That's what friends are for—in good times and bad times. I'll be on your side forevermore.
That's what friends are for. See, the song was titled "That's What Friends Are For," but it should have been titled "The Disappointer Song of the '80s." Cause that's disappointment waiting to happen. They meant that Dion Warwick and them standing up there singing. It was Dion, it was Gladys Knight, it was Elton John, and Stevie Wonder, and they meant that. And you have people in your life that's the song that's in their heart for you.
I'm gonna be there for you. I'll be by your side forevermore. Back before them in the 70s, Diana Ross had the disappointed song of the 70s. It was called "Ain't No Mountain High Enough." Y'all remember that? She started out before she started singing.
She started talking to you. She said, "If you need me, call me." No matter where you are, no matter how far, just call my name. I'll be there in a hurry. On that you can depend and never worry. Then the Sopranos came in.
No wind, no wind, no rain or winter storm. Can stop me, baby, oh, baby. If you're my goal, and in the course, ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough to keep me from getting to you. That's a great song, but try being on one side the river when your friends on the other. They not swim in that river.
They'll text you from the other side the river. Wish I was there. You be strong. Take care yourself. That's just the way it goes.
They love you, but they over there. And I want to encourage some of you to quit falling out and get mad and throwing away good people in your life just because they can't be everything you wish they were. When you find God has brought some good people in your life, some good Crescens and some good Titus's, the last thing you want to do is throw them away. Then you're really going to be by yourself. You got to learn to accept what they can give you.
They love you. You know they have your best interest at heart. They can pray for you. They can give you moral support, but they can't always meet your need. That's just the nature of human beings.
I want to tell you: give your spouse a break. Don't ask your spouse to be perfect, cause their spouse isn't perfect. Oh, I know that hit.
Some folks were a little slow," said their spouse. "Oh, that's me, huh?" Don't go away. The rest of today's "Destined for Victory" message, featuring Pastor Paul Shepherd, is coming right up. In John fourteen six, Jesus said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Our mission at Destined for Victory is to share that timeless truth so that as many people as possible can be saved.
You can help keep these messages coming your way all year round by sending a generous gift. Please visit PastorPaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. That's PastorPaul.net, or call eight five five three three nine five five zero zero. How does God want you to deal with those who have disappointed you? Answers come your way next in the rest of today's message.
I've got a new attitude. Give him a break. Cut him a break. Hug him. Smile.
Tell him you're all right with me. Quit finding everything about them you don't like. Find what they do for you, how they can support you, how they can encourage you. The times they have come through lightens your load. Be grateful and cut them a break.
Don't put high expectations on people that they can't possibly meet. Don't walk around mad at somebody because they're not scratching you where you itch emotionally. I've even seen people not you, but people I know. Mad at their best friend, their close friend, or their spouse because they have this felt emotional need, and the person isn't dealing with it. And then sometimes, when the person finally figures out you have an attitude, because sometimes you haven't told them, you're just trying to show them, and you're walking around trying to project your attitude.
You've been around somebody projecting an attitude. Could be a friend or whatever, a coworker, whoever it is, a spouse, a child, a parent, whatever. And they're mad at you, and they're trying to make sure you see it, but they don't want to say it. And finally, it dawns on you because you have other things on your mind, and finally, you realize I think they're having a little struggle here.
So you open your mouth. What's the matter? Is there a problem? And some of the people in your life, once you have said there is a problem, they still don't want to come clean.
Some people in your life, when you say is there something going on? Nope, nothing. All right.
Well, obviously there is a problem. Come on, let's talk about what's the problem. And then there is other folk in your life who say you ought to know. See, you've never done that to anybody, but people have done it to you. You ought to know.
Don't ask the people in your life to be mind readers. Don't insist that they have the gift of the word of knowledge. That God has to reveal to them what's wrong with you and the role they play in it. Life is too short for that. Open your mouth and say, "I wish you had done this.
I wish you had said this. I wish you had been there." Tell them what disappointed you, because they love you. And now give them a chance to respond lovingly to you. That's what Mary and Martha did when Jesus disappointed them. Jesus coming down the road.
Now he knew exactly why he disappointed them. God was getting ready to show his glory, but they didn't understand at that point. All they knew is our best friend has left us hanging. We know he loves us, so he's not a deserter. We felt deserted, but he loves us, so he's in the disappointers class.
And when they heard he was coming, Martha ran out and said, "Master, if you had been here, Lazarus wouldn't have died." She let him know how she was hurting. Mary didn't do it at first, but finally she caught on. First, Mary's in the house with attitude. Martha ran out by herself. Mary's sitting in the house.
I wish I would go out there. Listen, I want you to learn from that. Don't be like that with the people in your life. Don't copy attitude with folk who love you. Tell them where things are.
And here's another bit of wisdom that'll bless you. Don't have expectations of people they haven't signed off on. Every now and then, people expect you to do something and you never said you would. It can't be an expectation until there's been a meeting of the minds.
Well, I expect you every time that this happens. I expect you to respond this way. Did you ever tell me that? No. And I've heard some people say, "You just should." I mean, that's just the way.
No, that's your way. Other folk have their way.
So what you got to learn to do, if you have an expectation of your friend, your covenant group, your growth group, whatever it is, you have an expectation. You got to say, folks, I would really love to be able to depend on you to respond in this way. And you lay it out, and then you wait and see if they are going to co-sign. And if they all just looking at you, there is not a meeting of the minds. But you got to ease up on the people in your life.
You have disappointers, and Paul said, "Hey, these brothers love me, but they are off doing something else. One of them in Thessalonica, the deserters in Thessalonica. The other ones in Galatia, who's a disappointmenter, and the other ones in Dalmatia. And then here's the other thing you want to do: you want to thank God for who's with you. He said, 'Only Luke is with me,' and then he gives him some more instructions." And tells him what else he needs him to bring when he comes.
But I'm glad that he stopped long enough to say, "Listen, I do have Luke here. I want somebody to look around your life and answer the question: Who has God provided in your life? Who is that? God will never put you in a position where there is no one who cares about you." You've got to make yourself available to the family of God. You got to get into a healthy church where people can love you, where you can get into groups, where you can share with somebody.
God will see to it that there is somebody who is connected to your life. And sometimes you're so mad at your disappointers till you forget about your lukes. And I've learned that you got to learn to celebrate the people who are being a blessing to you. Instead of belly aching about the people who are not available to you, learn to look around. Say, Lord, thank God for Luke.
When Luke comes over, give Luke a hug. Say, thank you for being here. I really depend on that smile you give me, that word of encouragement. I thank you that you're here to just do simple things for me, whatever it takes. You got to learn to celebrate people who are celebrating you.
Don't belly ache about what you don't have all the time. Stop and look at what you do have, because what you do have in the hands of the Lord is going to meet every need that He wants to be met by people. And what people can't do, the Lord says, "Don't worry, I'm there to make up the slack." And God is in our lives, both to will and to do of His good pleasure.
So you got to learn to deal with your disappointers. Take the pressure off of them. Stop getting mad and angry at them.
Some of you right now aren't speaking to some people in your life, and you owe them a big fat apology. I know that's not what you want to hear, but you owe them an apology. You need to say, "You know what? I've been packing a little attitude towards you, but really, when I think about it, I heard this message, and Pastor Paul helped me to see." That I've been leaning on you a little too much, and I'm really grateful for what you do in my life, and the fact that you haven't been able to do everything I wish you could. I've had an attitude, but I want you to forgive me, and I want to begin to really express my appreciation for what it is you bring to my life, and you'll be you'll be surprised.
How when you just affirm what you are getting from your friend, from your spouse, from your kids, from your parents, from that coworker, you'll be surprised sometimes. Just that affirmation of what you are getting from them will allow them to see that they're playing a significant role in your life, and they'll be able to continue to be a blessing to you. But you know, sometimes when people feel completely overlooked and completely unappreciated. Then what you're doing is you're asking more and more of them. It's like having a car that you place more demands on, but you forget to fill it with gas and oil.
Thanks so much for being here with us for today's Destined for Victory, where we feature the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepherd. It's our pleasure to study God's Word with you.
Well, as I'm sure you know, Destined for Victory exists only through the faithful prayer and financial support of friends like you, and we want to thank each and every one of you who have given to support this ministry. And we are especially grateful for our Legacy Builders, those partners who have taken the step to support. On a monthly basis, Pastor Paul was always so grateful for the regular support of our destined for victory partners, and for the impact it had on people's lives. As a matter of fact, I once spoke with him about that very subject, and here's what he said: "Wayne, thanks so much for bringing this up because it is true. Without our regular donors." People would not be able to hear this broadcast.
Yes, the gospel is free, but the plumbing costs a lot to get the gospel to people through the airways, through various means and media. We can only do that with the financial support as well as the faithful prayers. Of our listeners, so I want to first of all thank every partner who gives each month. Because of our donors, the word of God is going out not only throughout the country, but literally around the world. We're hearing from people who listen to us on the continent of Africa, continent of Asia, continent of Europe, and so we really are reaching the world with the gospel, and we can only do that.
Because of our partners, thank you, those of you who are our partners for giving every month. Thank you to our legacy builders who are giving significant gifts of large size because that's helping us do what we're doing. And I want to encourage and challenge every listener, whether your gift is smaller or large, whatever God blesses you to do. If you remember us and if you count us worthy. To be part of your giving, I would love to have you as a partner, and I will thank you regularly because you are helping to make it happen.
I appreciate so much our partners all around the world. For as little as twenty dollars a month, you too can become a destined for victory partner, joining many other believers in Christ and sharing the gospel all over the world. In appreciation of your partnership, we'll send you a few thank you gifts, including one of our most popular resources, Pastor Paul's CD, The Best of Let My People Smile. It's a compilation of some of Pastor's most humorous illustrations and stories, and we look forward to sharing it with you.
So call eight five. Five three three nine five five zero zero, or mail your gift to Destin for Victory, Post Office Box seventeen sixty seven, Fremont California nine four five three eight. When you contact us, be sure to let us know you wish to become a partner. You can also sign up by clicking Become a Partner right at the top of the home page at Pastor Paul dot net. Again, Pastor Paul dot net.
Now, if you can't become a partner, but would like to send a generous gift, we'll send you this month's thank you gift—a new resource from Pastor Paul: Truth, Temper, and Treasure. It's called Truth, Temper, and Treasure, and it's our gift to you by request for your generous gift to Destined for Victory. We often set ourselves up for disappointment because of these false assumptions, and so you have to make up in your mind. In a marriage relationship, you're going to quit focusing on false. That is next time in our "Destined for Victory" message.
I've got a new attitude. Until then, remember, He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion in Christ. You are destined for victory.
