Um Have you ever been left by someone you thought would never leave? If so, you'll want to stay with us for today's Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Shepard. But before we get things started, there's an important conversation I once had with Pastor Paul that just might help you get to know our mission and purpose a little better. I asked him what he would say to you, our listening friends and partners, about the power of partnership. And here's what he had to say: I want them to know your partnership is very, very important and necessary.
When you think about it, starting way back, I'm thinking about Moses. He could not have been Moses without the partners God gave him. God raised up Joshua. The Bible called Joshua Moses' minister before it called him God's minister. And Joshua was one of those key people.
Aaron, his brother, was one of his key partners. Every man or woman of God since then, all the way into, of course, when Get to the ministry of Jesus, Jesus himself required partnership. Isn't that amazing that the God man needed partners? He took Peter, James, and John farther into the Garden of Gethsemane and He said, Just stay here and watch with me. And he cried and poured out his heart to get ready for that moment when he would lay down his life for us.
And he needed that partnership. He had Peter, James, and John. He also had Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Then when you look at the apostles, there is no Paul without Timothy, without Silas, without Barnabas. And on and on, all of us need partners.
So the bottom line is: I'm so grateful for every man, woman, boy, and girl who has become a partner for our ministry so you can keep on providing this platform so that we can reach even more people for the Lord Jesus Christ. Today, when you partner with Destined for Victory for as little as $20 a month, we'll send you a few thank you gifts your way, including one of our most popular CDs, the best of Let My People Smile. This is Pastor Paul at his absolute best. Two things we know for sure: you will learn and you will laugh. And we're not sure which one you do more of.
Call 855-339-5500 to find out more about how to become a Destined for Victory partner and make your pledge over the phone. Or mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538.
Now, you can also become our partner from our website, pastorpaul.net. But if you can't become a partner but would like to send a generous gift to the ministry today, we'd love to send you our latest booklet, Truth, Temper, and Treasure. For more information on this great new resource, please stop by pastorpaul.net. What do you do when you have a deserter? I can't reconcile with them.
They left my life, they up and left me. Reconciliation is not possible. Here's the good news: God says, I will give you the gift of being able to release them in your heart. What does that mean to release in your heart the person who has abandoned you?
Well, Pastor Paul says the answer comes in three parts. First, you need to face it, not deny it. Second, you should grieve it rather than ignore it. But there's a third step in the healing process, and in many ways, it's the most important step of all.
So let's get started with today's Destined for Victory message. I've got a new attitude. Find some trusted people. And share with them how you feel. You need some people in your life who you can tell them: here's exactly where I am.
That's what Jesus did when he walked into the Garden of Gethsemane. He walked in with 11 of his disciples. Judas had already gone off to betray him. But he walked in with the remaining 11. But he took eight of them and said, Stay here.
And he took three, Peter, James, and John. And the gospel records tell us that he walked further into the garden with just those three. Because he wanted to say some things to them. He had a connectedness with them. They were in his innermost circle, and he could say some things to them that he didn't want to say.
In the hearing of the others, you got those two groups in your life, too. You got some people you can't say everything around. You got some people that can't handle where you really are. And so the best bet is not try to feed them what'll make them choke. When some people ask you how you are, the best thing you can do is just say, hey, I'm doing well, I'm believing God.
And drop it. They can't handle much, but God will bless you to find in the family of faith some people who you can walk deeper into your garden of Gethsemane with. And Jesus said to Peter, James, and John, fellas, my soul is exceedingly sorrowful unto death. In other words, I feel like I'm about to die. He wasn't talking about the death on the cross that he knew was coming.
He was talking about the way he felt as he anticipated that and anticipated having the sins of the world poured on him. And his flesh didn't want to face that. And he expressed his deepest feelings to them. And let me tell you something, sometimes you've got to do that. on the journey toward transformation.
While you're in your cocoon, I talked earlier in the series about God taking us from caterpillar to butterfly. And while you're in the cocoon waiting on God, believing God for transformation, sometimes you got to speak some things to a few trusted folk and tell them where you really are.
Now, I believe in having a good confession in your mouth. We're going to talk a little later about the importance of dealing with worry and those sorts of things the biblical way. But listen, let me tell you something. Despite the fact that you want to have a good confession in your mouth, you cannot live in denial of things that you need to grieve.
So, in the midst of your good confession, do not deny the way you really feel. If Jesus did it, I'm here to tell you he was more spiritual than you. And so you need to give yourself permission to do it.
So, there ought to be somebody in your life who, when they ask you on your really bad days, how are you? You don't just give them your little quick. Fix spiritual answers. I'm blessed and highly favored. Yeah, yeah, I know all of that.
That's not what I asked you.
Now, how are you? And there've got to be some people that you allow into your life, into the inner sanctum of your heart. Where you expose to them. The naked Truth of where you are. There's got to be somebody in your life.
To whom you say this is one of the three worst days of my entire life. And I need you to walk with me. I need you to pray with me. I need you to believe God for me. I feel like.
them going down. And I need you to stand. with me.
Sometimes it's not that you want them to have an answer. You know they don't have an answer. Jesus wasn't asking Peter, James, and John what he should do. He knew what to do. He needed to go talk to his father.
But he was allowed to grieve with them. And I want to encourage somebody that it's Time to give yourself permission to grieve.
Some of you are too strong for your own good. You're always taking care of everybody. And caretakers, whether you're parents or whether you're spiritual caretakers or whether you take care of folk on your job and whatever it is, some people are so service-oriented, so taking care of other folk until when they hit the place of neediness. They don't know how to handle it.
Some only know how to help. They don't know how to be helped. I know you don't want to admit that it's you. But listen, you can't be transformed. Until you're ready to say, This hurts.
This hurts. It stopped me in my tracks. I feel like I can't go on. I need to grieve. This.
Sometimes you gotta write your pain. Journal your pain. Express yourself. You've got to get it out. You've got to give voice.
to your pain. En route to transformation.
So face it. And if necessary, grieve it. Then here's number three. You've got to forgive your deserter. In your heart.
Notice what Paul said here in 2 Timothy 4. He talked In verse 9 about Demas. Then down in verse 16, he said, At my first defense, no one came to my support.
Some more deserters, but everyone deserted me. Look at what he said next. He said, May it not be held against them.
Now here's where the amens get down to grunts and groans Because it's one thing to face it, it's one thing to grieve it. But when you get to the word And it plainly says you can't hold your deserter in unforgiveness. Many of us don't know how to grapple with that. Because the flesh Your feelings. Feel like I deserve.
To put them in the prison of my heart. I deserve to hold them personally responsible for what they did to my life, how they have messed up my life. And some of us hold on to that sense where we feel downright entitled To hate somebody. To hold somebody in unforgiveness. But I'm here to declare to you that the Bible It's so plain.
on this subject until you couldn't ignore it if you tried. It constantly says, and Paul gives us an example here: that if you're going to experience the transformation God wants to bring into your life. There must be The act of forgiving that deserter. In your heart. Now, I want to take my time and help you understand this.
Forgiveness has two aspects to it. There is an aspect that resides in you and in you alone. And then there is an aspect that resides in your relationship. with the other individual.
Now, a lot of folks say, I hear a lot of Bible teachers say, you cannot forgive a person unless they repent and ask for it. I know what they mean when they say that. They're talking about that second aspect of forgiveness. Which has to do with the relationship. Meaning, if a person has wronged you, they are guilty before you, and frankly, they are guilty before God.
Because the Bible tells us we ought to love others, we ought to honor others. The Bible is plain that people ought to treat you with proper respect. In fact, Jesus didn't pull the punch. He said, When you offend the least of my little ones, You got trouble on your hands with God. God is that kind of parent who says, Don't mess with my kids and think you're going to get away with it.
And so there is that aspect. That has to do with the relationship. Where until a person acknowledges they've been wrong And ask for forgiveness, you cannot extend forgiveness to them in the context of your relationship. That's completely right. But I'm here to tell you there is another aspect of forgiveness that is very important and especially comes into play when you have people who do not acknowledge they were wrong, who will never acknowledge they were wrong.
Some folk like what they did to you. In fact, If they could, they'd have done more. Oh come on, let's be honest now. There's some people repent. They just wish they could get a cleaner shot at you.
So, what do you do there? What do you do when you have a deserter? I can't reconcile with them. They left my life, they up and left me. Reconciliation is not possible.
Here's the good news: God says, I refuse to allow the fact that someone has left your life and there is no desire on their part. to own their wrong and to reconcile. But what I will do Is I will give you the gift of being able to release them in your heart. What that means is, I don't walk up to people who love what they did to me and say, oh, I forgive you. You don't do that.
In fact, they're guilty before God. And so you don't waste your forgiveness on someone who doesn't want it. They are guilty before God, unless they get themselves straight, they're going to answer to God for what they did. In case you joined us late, you're listening to Destined for Victory, featuring the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard. And stay with us, the second half of today's message is straight ahead.
Yeah. One of the things we love to do for friends and listeners like you is to pray for you when you're in need.
So if you have a prayer request, please visit pastorpaul.net. Click contact in the top menu of the homepage. Our ministry team is always happy to lift you up in prayer. And of course, when you stop by our website, remember that's where you can listen to the broadcast on demand at your convenience. PastorPaul.net.
Now, for more on how to deal with the pain of a lost relationship in a healthy way, let's get you back to the rest of today's Destined for Victory message: I've Got a New Attitude. Bible says, Be not deceived, God's not mocked. Whatever person sows, that shall they also reap. Don't you think those folk got away with it? They're gonna run smack into your daddy.
But in the meantime, your daddy wants to give you the gift of moving on.
So he can transform your life.
So, what does he do? He shows us, and Paul gives us an example here. He shows us that you extend forgiveness in your heart.
Now, Paul is saying here: he said, at a certain point when I really needed him, at my first defense, his first legal defense, as he began to go through this process that resulted in this jailing and ultimately resulted in his execution, when I needed the moral support, the spiritual prayer support of folk, they deserted me. But then Paul said, may it not be held against them. He's saying, I'm not gonna die. With bitterness in my heart. I'm not gonna die being mad at folk.
I remember what they did. I don't like what they did. And forgiveness doesn't require that you like what they did, that you say it's okay. Forgiveness is not No big deal. It was a big deal.
You deserted me. You abandoned me. You wronged me. But God wants to give me the gift. of getting past you.
God wants to give me the gift. Of saying you can't stop his destiny for my life. God wants to give me the gift of saying, if God be for me, it doesn't matter who deserts me. And he gives us that gift. By allowing us to release them.
In our hearts. That's what Paul did here. That's what Stephen did when he was dying in Acts chapter 7. The end of Acts chapter 7, it's a long chapter, about 60 or so verses. And at the end, you see the stoning of Stephen.
He was the first Christian martyr in the early church. And while he was being stoned, one of the things he cried out. Loud before he died, is he said, Lord, do not lay this sin to their charge. What's he doing? He's saying, I'm not going to die hating these people who are killing me.
I'm not going to die with junk in my heart. And let me tell you something: not only shouldn't you die with it, you should not live with it.
So, God wants to give you the gift. Of moving on. Forgiveness, releasing people in your heart, is a gift God gives you.
Now, it's a command that your flesh doesn't want to obey, but you've got to look past it being an uncomfortable command and realize it is a wonderful blessing. God's given you the gift of releasing them. You know why? Because as long as you hold them in the jail of your heart, as long as you hold them in bitterness and unforgiveness, you've got to stay fixed in that moment of time of the offense. And I know people.
Who chronologically are 15, 20, 25 years past an offense, but spiritually and emotionally they are stuck at the point of the offense. I know people who have never moved on, they've never gotten joy, they've never gotten victory because they're busy being a jailer, a warden. Yeah. They're busy every day of their life. Got that little meal tray sticking it under.
Because you're fixated on somebody who did you wrong, and in your heart, you have them in jail. But do you know what unforgiveness is like? Unforgiveness. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
So God gives you. The gift. of saying This will not stop. What I'm doing in your life.
So it's the release. The Greek word that's translated forgive. Is a word that means to release, to send away. It's not talking about your emotions. See, this is what we got to understand.
A lot of people say, but I just feel so bad. Forgiveness has nothing to do with your feelings. You forgive as an act of will, as an act of obedience to God. You forgive as a person receiving the gift of moving on. It's a function of your will, not a function of your emotions.
I say, despite the fact that you deserted me, despite the fact that I've had to grieve it, despite the fact that I will never like it and don't have to ever like what you did to me, despite the fact that you will never be active in my life, despite the fact that you are not trustworthy and I will never trust you again. But what I can do is release you. From my heart so that I don't walk around carrying you every day. I don't walk around feeling like I gotta hold you. That's the one thing I have left to hold on, is how mad at you I am.
God says, I want to transform your life. And you gotta give that Joker to me.
So God saying, come on, come on, come on, pass them on over. Release them, release them, let them go. Open the jail of their house. I can't let them go. If I forgive them, they'll go out and mess me up again.
No. You're releasing them to the Lord. You're saying, okay, God, you said vengeance is yours, you will repay. And so I'm going to put them in your hands. And I want somebody here in this message to hear the voice of God to you saying, I love you too much to let you tie up the next 5, 10, 15, 20 years of your life with bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart.
Don't give them that much power. Don't give them that much authority. Don't stay that focused on somebody. I just, I want them to know.
So every time they see me, I want them to know. Oh, I know I'm ringing doorbells. Have one.
So there you are, every time, because every now and then you still have to see a deserter. Every now and then you still have to run into them whether you want to or not. It'd be wonderful if you never run into them again. But every now and then, some of y'all have to see a deserter or deal with a deserter or you had a child with a deserter. Who married you, and y'all were parenting together, and now you're parent from two different homes, and you gotta see them every now and then.
They left you, and then you got to deal with them. And so you have your feelings there every time you see them. Look as mean and mad as you can. Listen, let me tell you something. God wants to free you from that.
Because you know what? While you're going through all that effort to try to prove to somebody that you hate them. They're not even thinking. about you. I know it hurts, but let me know.
Let me hurt you good. There ain't nothing about you. You're sitting up there looking at me. I've been at a party or something, some social event with somebody, and you know, they were talking, having fine fellowship, and then somebody walked in the room. That they have bitterness toward unforgiveness, and their whole countenance changes.
And suddenly you know something's wrong. You look at some problem? And they rolling their eyes all up in the back of their head And you look over at the other person, they could care less. They're like build a bridge and get over it.
So God says no. I'm not going to allow you to give somebody that much power. I'm going to give you a command that'll bless you. And the command is, I command you to forgive them. He's not commanding you to feel okay about the offense.
He's not commanding you to trust untrustworthy people. He's not commanding you to act like it didn't hurt. He is commanding you to release it. The person, the pain they caused. The circumstances, the fallout.
The consequences Release it all. To him. He says, Give them to me. I know what to do with your deserters. I know how.
To deal in their life, and more importantly, I know how. to take you from where you are. to a place of transformation. Where one day It won't be a thing. that holds you in bondage.
You'll be able to say, like Joseph, you meant it for evil. But God turned this thing around. And he used the test and turned it into a testimony. He used the mess you created. and turned it into a message.
Of his love and grace and his power. He took me. From the dungeon of my emotional place of being crippled and lost behind what you did. And now he has set my feet upon a rock. And I'm in a better place.
I'm in a higher place. I can see more clearly now than I've ever seen before. Because of the grace of God. I want somebody to face it. I want you, if necessary, to grieve it.
And I want you to give it to God. Forgive them. Release them into his hands. and to believe him for transformation. Thanks much for being with us for today's Destined for Victory message.
I've Got a New Attitude. To learn more about Destined for Victory's mission and purpose, or about the special gift we have for you when you give generously today, please come see us at pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net. God said, I'm up to something in your life, and I'm going to take this difficult chapter. I'm going to flip the script, I'm going to begin to write a new chapter.
It will not ignore your past, but it will be built on the pain of your past. And God will build a wonderful story in your life on the pain of your past. That's next time in our message, I've got a new attitude. Until then, remember: he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.
