We've got to make sure we understand the material. That wisdom comes from the Lord, so you got to learn to screen everything you hear and read and experience on talk TV. You have to screen all of those messages through the filter of the Word of God. The difference between a good thing and a God thing on today's Destined for Victory featuring Pastor Paul Shepard. From talk shows to self-help books to friends and family, almost everyone has an opinion on dating and marriage, and many of them seem to make sense.
But today we want to offer you a word of warning. If the advice you follow doesn't line up with the truth of God's Word, If it doesn't pass his screen test, it could very well set you on a path towards destruction.
Now remember, you're always invited to visit us at pastorpaul.net, where you can hear any recent Destined for Victory message on demand, including today's. That's pastorpaul.net.
Now let's listen closely to Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message. Act like a Christian lady. Think like a Christian man. Psalm 119. Let's look again at verses 98 through 100.
And verse 105. Then we'll look at Proverbs 2, 1 through 6. And Ephesians 5:8 through 10. I just want to provide these foundational scriptures. For this part of our Straight talk to singles series.
Psalm 119, verse 98. Oh, how I love your law. I meditate on it all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are ever with me. I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.
I have more understanding than the elders, for I obey. Your precepts. Your word is a lamp to my feet. and a light for my path, Proverbs 2. My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you.
Turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding. And if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, And if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, Then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Ephesians 5, verse 8. For you.
Were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children. of light. For the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness, and truth. And find out what Pleases the Lord.
In this section of our series, We're talking about A book written to singles, especially to single women. to help give them guidance. It's written by Steve Harvey. And I mentioned in the last message some things about him and my prayers and desires for. Here's Growth in spiritual things, but we're examining some of the advice given in that resource.
And it's not just his resource, but there are so many words of advice coming to people these days from sources that aren't necessarily rooted in the truth of Scripture.
So, I opened up with those passages just to remind you of the fact that it is the truth of the Lord that we've got to seek. We've got to make sure we understand. That wisdom comes from the Lord, so you gotta learn to screen everything you hear and read and experience on talk TV. You have to screen all of those messages through the filter of the Word of God. And so we're currently looking at this particular resource and kind of.
Looking at some of the advice he gives and putting it up next to the mirror of the Word of God to see how it jives. The book is entitled, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
So, this part of our series is entitled Act Like a Christian Lady, Think Like a Christian Man. Man. In the last message, we discussed the fact that marriage is about the journey, not just the destination. And I encouraged Singles not to wait too long, especially single men who are in most cases choosing their mate or at least doing the proposing.
Now, I realize that some folks in some settings the sisters are proposing to the guys, and so you know, I've seen that happen. If that's what you do, that's what you do. But I'm talking to men who I think ought to be breaking out the ring themselves. I'm just old-fashioned like that. You know, in my day, I can't imagine somebody, some sister, running up on me.
Uh Talking about will you marry me.
Now we had close back in our day, we did have some sisters who thought they were getting words from the Lord as to who their husband would be. And in the church where I grew up in, there was just this little period of time where single sisters were coming up to some of the single guys, saying, The Lord told me you're my husband.
So they didn't exactly propose, but they were at least saying that God and I have gotten together and we have selected you. And that was a little weird. We had to kind of get through that season. And because I was a youth person. Preacher back in those days.
I wasn't pastoring yet, but I was a youth preacher. I'd preach around the country, various youth meetings and weekends, and what have you.
So I had a lot of exposure. I'd preach in our national conventions. And so I had people not only from my home church, but people around the country saying, The Lord said, You're my husband. I had, you know, several of them.
Now, my wife tells me whenever I make this point, honey, be sure to let them know I was not one of them.
So So now I'm on the record. She can be happy. She's sitting right here. No, she did not come to me and say, The Lord said, You're my husband. But people around the country did that.
And I ignored all of them. Because I figured if the Lord talked to you, he knows how to speak to me, too. And he doesn't need you to come and make the case. But anyway. The point is, I'm encouraging single men To be proactive and to not wait too long to find their life partner for marriage, because marriage is about the journey, not just the destination.
And so I want to remind you, brothers, don't wait till you get all your ducks lined up. Before you say, I want to get all out of debt and I want to get this all together, and I'm going to get that all together, and then I'm going to get married. No, no, most of y'all can't make it that long. Not make it well, not make it in the will of God, I'm talking about. And so, I want to see you in the will of God.
I want to see God bless the work of your hands and your endeavors. And so. The woman God wants to hook you up with is not going to need you to have all your ducks in the row. She's coming to help you line them up. 'Cause some of y'all been fooling with them ducks a long time.
And they still not lined up. There is a woman who will bless you because she has wifehood in her. And I said in the last message: not every woman is a wife. But if a woman has wifehood in her, a wife given by God is one who is a help suitable for you. And she doesn't need you to have your whole act together.
She just needs you to be headed in the right direction, kingdom first, loving God and wanting to do right, and she can come help you get it done. I also want to say, while I'm on that point of review, I want to tell single women. Don't wait. To look for just this special guy who has all these wonderful, beautiful, amazing credentials.
Some of y'all are really messing up with your little fantasy list. You're really messing up. I want him to be this tall. I want him to look like this. I want him to have that.
He got to make six figures, and he got to. Wait now. Wait, now just wait. You don't need a man who makes six figures. That would be nice, but that's not a necessity.
The necessity is, you need a man who makes five, but wants to do right with the five figures he makes. Wants to get his life together. Is heading in the right direction, getting his head on right, learning how to honor God, learning how to pay his bills, learning how to get out of debt and stay out of debt. You'd be better off with five figures with that desire moving in that direction than six figures who think he's all that in a bag of chips and will think that you are lucky to get him. You don't need to marry somebody who already think he's God's gift.
Some of y'all looking for tall, dark, and handsome. And if he all full of himself, you don't need that headache. You don't need the headache of some man who is more impressed with himself than he'll ever be with you. I'm preaching already. Any man more impressed with himself than with you, that's not for you, boo.
He doesn't have enough room in his heart to really cherish you. He too full of himself. And you'll be busy competing with his own ego. And if you don't stroke it constantly, then he, it doesn't matter because he really isn't into you anyway. And you don't need that.
They did make a movie that you need to watch that said he's just not that into you. Anyway, that's a review.
So, marriage is about the journey, not just the destination. I want to pick it up with the second point. I began making it in the last message. I want to return to it. Second point is this: marriage is a job, and support, loyalty, and the cookie are the benefits package.
of the job. Thus, cookie monster.
Now, in the previous message, I talked about the fact that support and loyalty. can be a really tricky thing when you're single. Steve talked in the book about men having three basic needs. He said men need support, men need loyalty, and men need the cookie. And I was saying before I ended the last message, when it comes to support and loyalty, that's really tricky because if you're single, you can't really afford to give full support and full loyalty to someone who is uncommitted to you.
You've got to guard your heart.
So let me remind you: I talked about guarding your heart with all danger. Diligence. That's what the word of God says in the book of Proverbs. Guard your heart with all diligence. Don't become a almost wife.
To a man who hasn't made any commitment to you. And I'm not talking about words, that's not commitment. Commitment is commitment. Words are words. Oh, you know you're my boo.
That's words. Oh, you know I can't do without you. That's words. If you can't do without me, put a ring on it. Uh oh oh oh Now it looks like you can't do without me.
When I can show the world. He has made a commitment. And then, let me just say this: don't just put a ring on it. And then think you can that'll last you another five years of singleness. Give me a ring and a date.
A reasonable date. Not a one day when my ship comes in. We ain't waiting on your ship. We don't even see anything on the horizon. Let's just get this done.
Let's pause right there for a minute, but don't go away just yet. We have more of today's Destined for Victory message coming up next. We want to thank all of you who support Destined for Victory with your prayers and financial support, gifts that help us keep this media ministry going. And if you'd like to join us in our mission to take the gospel to all corners of the globe, please consider making a safe and secure donation at our website, pastorpaul.net. Or give us a call at 855-339-5500.
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Now, let's get you back to the rest of today's Destined for Victory message. Act like a Christian lady, think like a Christian man.
So be careful with this support and loyalty thing. Be careful. Don't give your full support and loyalty to someone who has un. Committed. Wait for him to commit.
Let him make the effort. Read your Bible. You need yourself a Jacob. And you, Rachel. You need it.
You know what Jacob did? He went down there and saw Rachel. And say, ooh, that's who I want. Went to her daddy. And said, I want to take your daughter in marriage.
The daddy said, Well, you got to work for me seven years. To get her. And the Bible says he worked seven years, and it seemed to him like it was just days. Because he was that committed to being with Rachel. That's what you want.
Now, Jacob was tricky about a bunch of other stuff, but he got that part right. He got that part right. He did what it took. To get the woman of his heart. That's what you want to see.
You don't want to give support and loyalty. You're the one working seven years trying to convince this guy. And I have seen single women work seven years being loyal and supportive of a guy who never does marry them. And if he can get you as an almost wife for free, why would he go to the debt and the expense? and the aggravation In his mind, I'm saying.
It it shows you his head's not on right. Because marrying is not an aggravation, it's a blessing.
So Make sure you're careful with that loyalty and support.
Now, I want to continue this. point by talking about the cookie.
Some of you all don't understand it, so let me make it plain. When Steve Harvey says men need support, loyalty, and the cookie, the cookie means sexual relationship. And it's just a, it's, you know, just a slang word for that. The cookie.
So, you need to understand what God says about the cookie. Cause it's very different from what the world is saying about the cookie. The world is saying the cookies Uh are there and If the person likes you and looks good, and there's sexual tension and attractiveness, then the cookie jar is open and available. God says I created the cookie. for a particular relationship.
That relationship is committed, monogamous marriage. Between one man and one woman. That's God's plan. For the cookie. On the wedding night.
The cookie jar. is to be opened. Talking about God's plan.
Now I gotta say this because the book Doesn't talk about the cookie in the context of marriage. In fact, the book talks about a 90-day rule. For dating. I'm getting the more dating things when I get past this part of the series. But I have to address at least this much because in the book, The clear impression you get is the author is recommending to women that they keep the cookie jar.
Tightly closed for 90 days. His premise is, even on a job, he talks about some of his earlier jobs in his earlier life. And he said, when I started working for this corporation, When I got the job, I was on a 90-day probation. I understand that because when we hire people in our ministry organization, same thing. Your first three months, 90 days is probationary.
I get that. I think that's a sound way. It gives you a chance to look over the job, gives them a chance to look over you, and you haven't made any deep. Commitments that are going to be difficult to get out of. You get paid during the 90 days, but there are certain benefits you don't get.
During the 90 days, because this is probation, we're making sure this is going to be a sound thing. And he's recommending to single women that you put the man on sexual probation for 90 days. My question is: so then, what are you supposed to do at 91? The clear inference is you have power. probation And the cookie jar can be opened.
And we can have crumbs all over. The place. At ninety-one.
So, when it comes to that part, of the advice in the book. There's a Greek word for the 90-day roll. That Greek word is baloney. If you practice a ninety-day rule, On day 91, if you open up the cookie jar, You are out of God's will. I said you're out of God's will.
I don't care who tells you the jar can be opened. God said, keep it shut. He said, I planned the cookies for a particular relationship. That is monogamous, committed, official marriage between one man and one woman, who are to pledge their lives for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Official paper.
Yeah, I've been passing for a long time. I've had a whole lot of shacking couples say it's not the paper, it is the reality. Wrong, it's the paper. What's the big deal about a piece of paper? It's official.
It's legal. You were married in the sight of God, legally, and it's recognized by the country, by the state, by the county where you live. It's legal. I is married now. Y'all remember that from one of the movies?
Color purple. That's what you need to be able to say. I is married now, not I is shacking now. Not, we had a spiritual union. That's not recognized in heaven or on earth.
You're not married for all practical purposes till you go, get the license, let the preacher, justice of the peace, whoever, but you all are kingdom folk. We do it in the sight of God and the saints.
So don't come to me talking about you just went to the Justice of Peace and you're a member of my church. What up with that? Come on, Pastor. Come on, Pastor. Let me look you all over, or one of the other pastors, somebody, let me have somebody who got God in them look at you.
And make sure you you telling us the truth when you're taking us through the vows. I want to see truth all in your face.
So, saints, we have to ignore the 90-day rule. That's not God's will. The Bible is clear on the matter. Stay out of the cookie jar until the wedding night. Clear.
Now, doesn't that sound strange in 21st century America? That just sounds strange. Stay out till the wet. Nobody is thinking like that except the kingdom, and some of us in the kingdom are not thinking like that. Why?
We don't get to write the rules. In the kingdom, God gives us his word. We have to say yes. If you've come, you ever come short of any of his plan for your life sexually? Sure, many of us have.
That doesn't mean that you can you can make wrong right. It just means you have to say I was wrong. And some of y'all have to say today, I am wrong. Because it's not all just about shacking.
Some of y'all don't shack, and you think you get some kudos because you don't shack, but you do drive-by cookie. You raid the cookie jar on a drive-by mission. I'm rolling through. What you doing, nut? What you doing, nut?
I'll be there in a few minutes. Let's have some Oreos. Chips ahoy. What's some other cookie Nutter butters, I don't know what that is, but some of y'all having nutter butters. And for every brand of Cookies.
Mrs. Fields Famous, Amos, famous, Amos. Grandmas, I love those. Those are some good cookies. I gotta watch them on Weight Watchers 'cause they high points, but they are anointed cookies.
For every brand of cookie at the store, we have a version of sin in our lives that many of us need to confess. Repent and forsake.
So, you don't get extra points just because you're not shacking. If you're doing, drive-by cookie. monster and then you still have a problem. And God wants you to get it straight. Part of God's grace is that He tells us the best way for us to live.
He never says I told you so instead, he tells us so, in advance, so that we might not make the mistake in the first place. You know destined for victory could not exist without the faithful prayers and financial support of listening friends and partners like you. You've been the lifeblood of this Media Ministry since its inception, and it's because of you that we can share the gospel of Jesus Christ with people all over the world. For your generous gift today, we want to share our brand new booklet, Grown Up Faith. If you long to move towards a greater level of spiritual maturity and a more intimate walk with Jesus, get a copy of this booklet as soon as you can.
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or visit pastorpaul.net to make your donation online. and you can mail your gift to Destined for Victory. Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538. It's the Greek word. Poinea.
It means all sexual activity with another individual. outside of the scope. of a monogamous Marriage between a man and a woman. Whether it's premarital, extramarital, bringing somebody extra in the bed, marital. Sex with the same gender person, it covers it all.
If it's not God's truth, it's a lie, no matter how good it sounds. Join us next time for our continuing message: Act Like a Christian Lady, Think Like a Christian Man. Until then though, remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.
