Do you know the Bible says your spouse is to be your partner for life?
So parenting cannot supersede the importance of your marriage because when that kid is off and on their own, you're supposed to have nurtured your marriage in such a way that the two of you all can walk with each other all the way to the grave. Hello and welcome to another great day here on Destined for Victory where we feature the preaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard.
Well, if you ever wondered what life was like for Pastor Paul and his wife Meredith when they were newly married, wonder no more because we're about to take you there. This will be a great reminder for all of us that marriage can bring plenty of joy, but it also comes with plenty of hard work and sacrifice. Glad you're with us today as we move ahead in our teaching series, Straight Talk for Singles. Online you'll find us at pastorpaul.net Or you can listen to your recent message on demand, including today's. That's pastorpaul.net.
Subscribe to the podcast at Spotify or wherever you enjoy your podcasts.
Now Here's Pastor Paul's Destined for Victory message: Act like a Christian lady, think like a Christian man. I had just started weeks earlier, started as a pastor. My first full-time job as a pastor was associate pastor of my home church in Philadelphia. I started that position in March of 1982. She and I married May 1st of 1982.
I was weeks into pastoring. I had my assignment, I had directives from the Lord.
Now I needed my wife. And we committed And she knew what she was getting into. She came in there, rolled up her sleeves, and got to work. She walked with me as I learned from my little rookie mistakes as a pastor and all of that, and working long hours because my daddy was my boss and he was so busy trying to convince the church that I wasn't gonna get preferential treatment until he practiced reverse discrimination. That man put me through the paces, had me working ass care.
I was working 12, 14-hour days regularly as an associate pastor. I mean that man had me working. And he'd get up and brag to the church the next Sunday how much I worked the past week. I'm here, I'm a newlywed trying to, you know, we're trying to get to know one another.
Well, you know, we had to watch that clock. And she said, all right, baby, you got to get to work now. You don't want your daddy mad at you? And she'd send me off with a kiss and a smile. Look, whatever you're going to build, build it together.
Trying to wait for some ideal time. We don't have time for that. In the words of that great theologian, Sweet Brown, ain't nobody got time for that. Filled it together. She had the heart of a wife.
I grew in those seven years working with my dad. I eventually got to the place he fully allowed the church to bless me, and I had a great compensation package. Everything is good, life is good. God loves to wait till things get real good. Then he said, go west, young man, go west.
And I went from Philadelphia to California where I had to leave my package behind. When I got to California, they said we don't have a package, we gonna give you a check twice a month. But you're not getting the package. And I had to leave my home, a $200 a month mortgage. Had a little row house in the hood.
But it was 200 bucks. I can watch out for the criminals for 200 bucks. Yeah. Two hundred dollars? I'm looking out the window.
Don't y'all try to bust up in here. Not gonna go well for you you come up in here And leave $200 million. Month mortgage to come across the country to a $995 month rent. I said, what have I gotten myself into? And took a pay cut from the package to just a little check.
But we knew God had sent us. And my wife in 1989 was the happiest woman you ever saw. Not because I was all broke off and could give her a wonderful life, but because she knew we were doing what God called us to do. She knew sacrifice is just part of it. One day I was working, the little church had a building in East Palo Alto, and I'm in there crossing because the house we rented was in Fremont.
That was the only way we could get under $1,000 a month was to come to the East Bay back then. And so I'm living in Fremont and I'm commuting, going across the Dumbarton Bridge every day to go over there to that little church. And so one day I came home from the church and there were groceries up on the counter. I said, baby, how'd you get? Because there was only one car.
I said, baby, how'd you get to the store? Because Lucky is more than a mile from our house. She said, oh, well, you know, I knew you were there. I didn't want to call you and have you come back over. And so I just took the kids' little red wagon and walked to Lucky and shopped.
She shopped and put those bags in that wagon and walked another mile plus back to the house. Because she didn't want to disturb me.
Now, she could have, and she knows if she had called me, I'd have dropped what I was doing and came over. But I'm showing you the heart of somebody who is willing to work with you because you all are building together. We told that story one time, and a woman came up to her afterwards. She said, Do you know I would have left that man? Talk about Jackie coming out the box.
Now, she didn't hear me say my wife would have, all she had to do was call, she knows how to come back over. But that lady's issues jumped out just listening to the story. I'd have left him. In the words of that great theologian, Kanye West, I'm not saying you're a gold digger. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Some of y'all don't know what I said. Don't even worry about it. That's the kind of woman I married. I married a woman, I married a wife. Willing to walk with you, go with you through the storm.
And so that's why when you see her now in this season of life, you see her driving nice and dressing nice and and blinging and all that stuff. Leave her alone. She paid her dues. Paid her dues. Leave that sister alone.
Paid her dues. You can be a hater if you want to. But just don't run up on me with that stuff. Whisper it to somebody else. I bet not hear you.
On my wife, that's not gonna go well. I'm saving all, but So, don't wait to get your ducks lined up. Don't wait to get out of debt and all that stuff. When you have your assignment, you say, Well, Pastor, I don't know. What am I supposed to be doing?
Look at what God put in you. That'll tell you what He wants out of you. He gave you an aptitude. He gave you certain abilities, things that really resonate with you. There's certain passions that you have in your heart.
Follow that. That will take you where you're supposed to go. And once you have a sense of what you want to do to make money honestly in the fear and admonition of the Lord, and listen, you can't always wait for your ideal position. I'm concerned about a generation that's always wanting everything ideal. We were taught till your ideal comes, get in there and ask the question: may I take your order, please?
Come on, I'm telling you how Steve and I were taught. May I take your order plate? Would you like fries with that? Waiting for a position, sitting around acting like a prince. Uh-uh, you in the wrong world.
You're going to have to realize that God will bless you. He'll bless the work of your hands.
So get your hands moving so he has something to bless. And stop waiting for the ideal situation because if you marry a godly wife, she will help you get where God is taking you. And the two of you can work together.
So, men, I want to tell you: don't wait too long because many of y'all are paying a big price. Terms of immorality and everything else, you're paying a big price trying to stay single too long. Get your assignment, read God's word, get kingdom first, let the church disciple you and get married. I'm marrying folk in record numbers. I'm marrying them during the week.
I said, go get that license. You don't have to pay for any big wedding. Just come. We marry you in the middle of Sunday service. Ask our members.
I stopped and marry them in the middle of service. They said, what kind of church is that? A church that's trying to help folks live right? You broke anyway. What are you doing waiting for a wedding?
You don't have any money, and if you're living right, she doesn't need an expensive gown. Get some with Velcro so that thing can come right on her. I'm sorry, I'll edit that out in the tape. That's point one. Still ahead, the second half of today's Destined for Victory message, featuring the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard.
As always, you can hear any of our recent messages on demand at pastorpaul.net. That's pastorpaul.net. Listen and subscribe to the podcast at Spotify, at Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. You know, the great commission has to be funded to be fulfilled. It always has.
And we're so grateful for the prayers and donations of friends and partners like you because you are reaching people all over the world with the love of Jesus Christ. Let's keep that momentum going, and let's do it together. To make a safe and secure donation online, go to pastorpaul.net. or call 855-339-5500. Coming your way next, more practical insights on Christian dating and marriage.
So let's listen to the rest of today's Destined for Victory message. Act like a Christian lady. Think like a Christian man. Point number two. Marriage is a job.
And support loyalty. And the cookie. are the benefits package. for the job.
Now some of y'all don't know what the cookie is. You'd have to read the book if you didn't grow up. like Steve and I grew up. The cookie means sex. In the hood we just had all kinds of little slogans and things, cookie the goodies.
Snacks. Steve talks about men needing three things: loyalty, support. and the cookie. And so here's what I want to say in response to that section, those themes in his book. Let me divide them.
First talk about loyalty and support. Single women. When it comes to loyalty and support, you must guard. against making premature commitments. to uncommitted men.
You must guard against making premature commitments to uncommitted men.
Now, here's why I'm saying this, sisters. Many of you do have the heart and the gifting to be a good wife. But one of the traits that many women have is this. You are so aware of your ability to inspire and encourage and to help. until many of you take on a man as a project.
You see his potential. You see his possibility and you say when I get through with him Here B Straight. Here's what you don't realize. If he hasn't committed to you, When you offer support and loyalty. To someone who is not committed to you as a life partner.
You are doing a lot of work. in his life That really needs to be withheld. to help him understand This is part. of the benefits package. You don't had a job yet.
Let me let me make it plain. Why would a guy marry you? If with your helpful self, I'm saying, I mean, you're living right, you're not. You know, giving up the third part of what Steve says men need, but loyalty and support. You're over there helping him and encouraging him.
I've seen single women in a non-sexual relationship with a Christian dude, I've seen him in his house washing his clothes. Coming over, cooking meals. Picking him up from work because his car broke down. And I'm seeing this as a regular pattern, and I want to pull you aside and say, What are you doing? You're not that man's wife.
And now we just friends, you know, you are supportive and loyal. But what are you getting on the flip side? I need you to understand something. When a person applies for a job, They don't get The Benny's package. Just by applying.
So nobody who says to you, you know, I really like you. You really all right. See, some of you all, I gotta help you. Because some of you all hear, I really like you. You're so important to me.
I appreciate you.
Some of y'all hear that, and in your mind, You say I'm almost down the aisle. And you don't know that a brother has the ability to like you and appreciate you for a bit. Yeah. Especially if he can get some meals out the deal, a little pickup from the job, little, you running some errands. Why would he go all the way down the aisle when he getting that way back here?
You got a guard. Proverbs 4, 23 and 26. Above all else, guard your heart. For it is the wellspring of life. Make level paths for your feet.
and take only ways that are firm. Sisters, I want to apply that. Passage to you in a specific way. It's fine to let a guy know through your conversation the kind of wife you hope to be to the man God blesses you to marry one day and all that. You can share your level of commitment because, frankly, again, You need to let him know, I am prepared to be a wife.
I'm prepared to be supportive. I'm prepared to be loyal. I will not put my career above my marriage. He's gonna need to hear that from you because guys don't take that for granted these days. 'Cause some of y'all the career is the big thing and the marriage is oh well.
Some of you all parenting is the big thing and the marriage is all well.
Some of you have your priorities out of Bible order. Do you know the Bible says your spouse is to be your partner for life?
Your job as a parent is to raise them in the fear and admonition of the Lord. Your job as a parent is to work yourself out of a job.
So, parenting cannot supersede the importance of your marriage because when that kid is off and on their own, you're supposed to have nurtured your marriage in such a way that the two of you all can walk with each other all the way to the grave. And some of you have it mixed up. Your kid is forever, your spouse is maybe. You gotta get it straightened out. We told ours coming up, our two children.
We're gonna love y'all, do the best we can. But one of these old days, You're supposed to not need us in the same way. And I've always been clear with my kids. You can live with us as an adult. God's blessed us with a nice home.
We got room. You can live with us as an adult. But the difference is, when you're an adult, you will be bringing me a check every month. Oh, come on, somebody. I'm trying to help somebody.
I had the privilege of marrying out of my parents' house. They said you can stay here. We welcome that. But the understanding was clear. You living here as an adult is different than you living here as a dependent child.
Now it's at our convenience, not yours. And that's the way it ought to be. Tell your adult kids: here's what I expect, here's what I need from you. I like having you around. A lot of people say, I really enjoy having my grown son, my grown daughter live with us.
That's great, but make sure they understand you are not the dependent you used to be. You can't pop up with a plate. Talking about mama. It's not the same deal.
Now it is we it's give and take If mama give you a meal, give her a check. To help her pay some bills. Up in this piece. Come on, somebody. And then it's all good.
Then you can do it. I told you, my dad was like, soon as you get married, you out of here. And took my key. I still have a problem with that. Been married all these years.
I can't tell him about it. He's with the Lord, but I've still got an issue. How I live in the house all these years, had my own key, and I come over just because I got married. You say, Son, how'd you get in here? And I said, Oh, I still had my keys.
All right, leave it on that ledge. But anyway, back to my message. Support and loyalty are not to be given. when the man is not committed to you. You're not guarding your heart.
No. Not guarding your heart, because you all can be so very helpful almost. By accident, just some of you, it is just the way you are. Just be helpful, but you got to understand you are paying an emotional price. Because on an emotional level, Your brain strung along with a hope.
that may never be realized. And so you got to understand support and loyalty are part of a benefits package. Sit down and talk with him about the job. Would you like an application? Fill it out on both sides.
Turn it into me. We'll be in touch with you. Oh, that's where y'all got to work these relationships. Y'all all up in the house, cleaning his house, don't even clean yours. Get yourself straight.
Get it straight. Don't play tricks with your heart. Because it'll cost you too much. See, I've been a pastor a long time. I've had to scrape single women up off the floor.
Came in for counseling, just went out, just bam. Heartbroken because some man that she thought sure was committed to her. And he has gone and he did a quick work too. When he left you, he was on this next one just like that. And some of y'all like, I don't believe all that, all that.
See, that's the problem, all that.
So there I am now as the pastor handing you tissue and let you blow your nose in my office and all that stuff. Because you should have been guarding your heart. heart. And then when you bring the cookie into the situation, We're at a whole nother level. That's next message.
I hope you are being blessed by our teaching on marriage this week, one that will continue for several more days right here on Destined for Victory. If you've missed any message along the way, visit Pastor Paul.net to listen any time. That's pastor Paul dot net. And before we leave today, I'd like you to hear a conversation I had with Pastor Paul. I spoke with him about the name of our program Destined for Victory, which led us to chat about our goal to reach the world for Christ, a mission Pastor Paul wanted to continue long after his preaching days were over.
Here's that conversation.
Well, you know, when I think of Victorious, my mind goes back. I'm a kid growing up watching TV in the 60s, so my mind goes back to the wide world of sports. Oh, yeah. There was an announcer named James McKay, Jim McKay, something like that. He had this classic line where he talked about the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat.
And I love just thinking about how thrilling it is to be victorious. I love in any game I'm playing, I want to be victorious. I tell people I don't care whether it's monopoly or something really serious, I want to win. And in life, we can win in Christ, and that's what the Bible tells us: that we are victorious in Him. And victorious means that we're following His lead, that we're letting the Holy Spirit take us where He wants us to go in life.
We're saved by His grace, and then we're simply following His. His direction. And of course, the Word of God is so key to following God's direction because the Word is a lamp to our feet and a light to our pathway. And so those who tune in to broadcasts like Destined for Victory are really supposed to be receiving guidance so that we can walk in and live in victory. And that's what I pray is happening as people tune in day by day.
We say it every day on the broadcast, In Christ you are destined for victory. And our prayer is that you will live the victorious Christian life every single day until the coming of our Lord Jesus. You know, the Destined for Victory media ministry can often go to places missionaries can't, into remote areas of the world that are often hostile to the Christian faith. We can also make it inside the homes of elderly shut-ins or those who can't always make it to church. Just one more reason why your gifts to Destined for Victory are so critical to the cause of Christ.
For your generous donation today, we'd love to send you our latest resources, our way of saying thanks. It's a message called Grown Up Faith. A book that I believe every Christian should read at least once. Again, that's grown-up faith, and it's yours today for your best gift to Destined for Victory. Give that gift by phone by calling 855-355-555-555-555 339-5500.
855-339-5500. Or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. You can also mail your gift to Destined for Victory, post office box 1767. Fremont, California. nine four five three eight.
We've got to make sure we understand That wisdom comes from the Lord, so you gotta learn to screen everything you hear and read and experience on talk TV. You have to screen all of those messages through the filter of the Word of God. From time to time, we could all use a little screen test. Take yours tomorrow when we continue our message: Act like a Christian lady, think like a Christian man. Until then, remember.
He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.
