Marriage is a job, it's ministry. It's not glamour, it's ministry. You gotta sacrifice to have a good marriage. You gotta take a step back from some of the stuff you want to do to have a good marriage. You gotta compromise to have a good marriage.
If that sounds like a lot of hard work, it's because it is. Hello, and welcome to Destined for Victory, where we feature the preaching ministry of Pastor Paul Shepard. If you are listening today and you want to get married or if you know someone who's actively seeking a life partner, you've come to the right place because today we'll help you gain a better understanding of what a godly marriage is supposed to look like. Remember to come see us at pastorpaul.net to listen to Destined for Victory on Demand. That's pastorpaul.net.
Subscribe to the podcast at Apple Podcasts, at Spotify, or wherever you enjoy your podcasts.
Now let's pay close attention to Pastor Paul's destined for victory message. Act like a Christian lady, think like a Christian man. We're going to continue our series, Speaking to Singles. about a number of issues along the way. In the opening message, I asked and answered the question: Is marriage in my future?
Now I want to. Focus here in the second message in the series. On a message that I've entitled, Act Like a Christian Lady, Think Like a Christian Man. And some of you are aware of where I got that. From Today I want to offer some comments After reading The very popular book By Steve Harvey Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man.
To set it up, let me Take you to three passages of Scripture. The first is Psalm 119. Where we'll look at verses 98 through 100 and then verse 105. The second is Proverbs 2. Verses 1 through 6.
And the third is Ephesians 5. Verses 8 through 10. Psalm 119. Beginning with verse 98. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies.
For they are ever with me. I have more insight. That all my teachers for I meditate on your statutes. I have more understanding than the elders. For I obey your precepts.
Verse 105. Your word is a lamp to my feet. and a light for my path. Proverbs 2. My son, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you.
Turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding, And if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure. Then you will understand the fear of the Lord. and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding. Ephesians five, verse eight.
For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light. For the fruit of the light consists In all goodness, righteousness, and truth. and find out what pleases the The Lord. I open with these passages simply to make the point.
That the advice we receive From life coaches. from authors, from so-called experts. All needs to be scrutinized and screened. By God's Word. For as Proverbs 2:6 says, the Lord gives wisdom.
and from his mouth come knowledge. and understanding.
So the first thing I want to say before I take a look at Some of my responses, share with you some of my responses to reading this particular popular book. I just want to make a general case. That, with all of the advice we have coming at us through books, through TV shows, our world is full of gurus, a whole lot of people trying to tell you how to live your life. Right. Onslaught of information.
I want to help you understand that as followers of Jesus Christ, We must make the commitment to screen, to filter, What we're receiving Through the word of God, because wisdom and knowledge and understanding come from the Lord. These other folks are subject to error. Even if they're well-intentioned, they're subject to error. The way we steer clear of that is we look to God's inspired words. Words.
So, whoever is speaking to you through their books, through their television shows, radio shows, talk TV, talk radio, all of that, whatever's happening. Screen it by the word. I don't care who they are. They can be ever so nice. Many of these people are very nice, they have great personalities and great people skills, and they draw you in.
But check out what they say by the word. Just because you like them personally doesn't mean you need to pay attention to what they're talking about.
So, I don't care who it is. If it's Oprah, check Oprah out by the word. If it's Doctor Phil, check Phil out by the word. If it's Dr. Drew, check him out by the word, Dr.
Oz. All of them, check them out by the word. Steve Harvey, check him out by the word. And when you come to church, don't check your mind at the door. Check out the pastor by the word.
Check out the preacher by the word. You who watch the word channel, you'd be surprised how much non-word is on the word channel. Check them out by the word just because they got reverend in front of their name. Doesn't mean they know what they're talking about. Check them out by the word.
So everybody gets that same treatment. Check them out by the word.
Now, Steve Harvey's popular book titled Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, hit store shelves in 2009. and quickly became a bestseller. And it has sold millions of copies. The last figure I saw, probably last year sometime, was 2.5 million copies at that point, perhaps more since then.
So, quickly became a bestseller. Then they did a movie based on it, and the movie was quite successful.
So, it has spread in its popularity.
Now, Steve and I come from the same season of life. He's just months older than me, less than a year older than me. Similar backgrounds in terms of being raised in church. He was raised in urban Cleveland, I am in urban Philadelphia.
So, I can feel Steve a lot. I know where he comes from. I know the world he comes from, not dissimilar from the world I come from. I applaud him for many of his accomplishments. He was a comedian, worked hard to make his way, and then eventually really found his groove as a comedian, and now has branched out.
He's done some TV hosting, family feud shows, and all of that. And now he is an author, and now they're even calling him a relationship expert. I think that's a stretch, but I get it. Right. But anyway, I applaud the fact that he has worked very hard for the success he has achieved.
And I appreciate and respect that about him. I also know some people who know him personally. And they tell me that in recent years he has really turned back to his Christian roots. He was raised in church. He had one of those deaconess mamas who had him in church every Sunday the Lord sent.
And so, you know, that word was in him. Even when he was out there acting a fool in his younger years, that word was in him. The Bible said, train them up in the way they should go. And at the end of the day, it's not going to depart. And he has now, they tell me, These people who know him personally, he has returned and he is really seeking to live out.
His Christian faith, and that's going to be a journey for him. But I want you to know that I personally respect that. And if what they're telling me is true, I'm certainly praying that he will be successful in his journey to gain his real footing as a follower of Jesus Christ. One of the people who knows him said, I'm going to try to hook you all up. I think you would be an excellent disciple for him.
I said, Well, if he ever calls, I'll answer. But in the meantime, just know that I'm praying for him and want to see the Lord do great things in his life because he has a platform that if he can really get solid in his faith, he could minister to a lot of people.
So I'm certainly in his cheerleading team and I'm rooting for all the good things to happen for him. I say all that to say anything I say, That will be critical of the information in his book is really content-oriented. It's not personal at all. I like the guy from what I see of him, but I'm committed to truth and I'm a teacher of truth. And so I've got to guide people in the way of the Lord.
So I want to, as we continue speaking this to singles, I want to. Just kind of take a look at a few of the key messages that come through in the book. I don't have the time to do a biblical review of the entire book. It just would take too long. For my purposes in this series, though, I've just grabbed a few of the key points that are made that kind of come through loudly and clearly in the book, and I want to speak.
to those.
Now, the book is titled, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. It's written primarily for single women seeking to understand men. In fact, the subtitle of the book is What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy. and commitment. When I saw that as the subtitle, and as I read the book, I thought, well, The first problem is that I want Christian singles to know that if you want to talk about love, relationships, intimacy, and commitment in the context of A relationship with the opposite sex, you basically are talking about marriage or marriage preparation.
What you don't want to do as a single is begin to get all absorbed in somebody's ideas about relationship and intimacy and commitment without understanding that, from a biblical viewpoint, All of that. Is meant to lead you down the aisle. to the altar. You don't need a whole lot of opposite sex folk. Trying to be intimate with you.
Right. Who won't marry you? But I wonder if my age or mind just intimacy, commitment, those are buzzwords. for marriage. Pastor, are you saying I can't have a good friendship with a person of the opposite sex?
No, I'm not saying that. You can. But if you're going to talk about the kinds of themes he talks about that clearly kind of allude to a relationship with some romance and that sort of thing in it, then we're no longer talking about a platonic. Friendship, brother or sister in Christ. When you talk about love and commitment and intimacy, we need to be looking at that in the framework.
Of marriage preparation because, from a biblical standpoint, those themes. result in Marriage. Don't go away. The rest of today's Destined for Victory message, featuring Pastor Paul Shepard, is coming right up. In John chapter 8, Jesus said that if you abide in Him, you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
That's why destined for victory is here. To teach timeless truth for a victorious life by pointing people to Jesus Christ. You can help. Stop by pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. That's pastorpaul.net.
or call 855-339-5500. The world tells us one thing about marriage, God tells us another.
Now, here's the rest of today's Destined for Victory message: Act like a Christian lady, think like a Christian man.
So the points I want to make to you in this review are marriage-oriented. Here is the first one. Marriage is about the journey. Not just the The destination. Marriage is about the journey, not just the destination.
Here's why I'm saying that: because in the book, Steve says that men are driven by three things: who they are, what they do. and how much they earn. And he says, until a man is comfortable. with these three areas of his life. He won't focus on settling down.
with a woman.
So, Steve was trying to help women understand if your guy hasn't settled down with you yet. It may very well be because he's still focused on trying to identify who he is, what he does. And how much he earns. I know where that comes from for Steve. Steve and I are contemporaries, he likes me.
Born in the fifties, and he comes from a world where. We were taught very early on as you're moving through school, especially when you hit high school, you really start getting peppered with what you're going to do. With your life, where you're going to college, or if you're not going to college, what kind of technical training are you going to get? We just came from a world where if you were going to be somebody and live a life that mattered, you got to get focused rather quickly. When you get where you're going, where will you be?
And we were focused there quickly.
So many of us in high school, we could tell you: here's what I'm going to do, here's the route I'm going to take to get there. As a result, many of us were In college, or whatever technical training we were going through, we were already getting a clear sense of who I am. And what I am preparing to do in terms of a career or vocation. and hoping that we would earn some good money in the course of doing that.
So, as young men, that was our focus. We're getting there. My friends and I, we were talking marriage. We were wondering who we were going to marry when we were in our late teens. I mean, we were getting it together.
We were getting our identity together.
Now, the next question is: okay, who's my girl going to be? And we spend a whole lot of time talking about that, a whole lot of time coming home from church talking about the possibilities. That's the world we came from because in our minds, get your focus and get your woman. The problem is that Steve doesn't Seem to realize This generation doesn't come at it from that same perspective. There are a lot of guys.
There are some who are exceptions. There are some who, like us, started really early in this who I am, what I'm going to do, and how much I'm going to make. They started pretty early. There are some in this generation that did that. But there are a whole lot of brothers now who are on cruise.
Cruise control, man, they just chilling like a villain. Just chilling through life, just making their way slowly through life. Man, just you know, hey, I'm just trying to find myself. It's not about all this, I'm just trying to find myself.
Some of y'all taking 15, 20, 25 years trying to find yourself. The way we were raised by 25 years, you should have found yourself so long ago.
So I get where he's coming from, but here's what I want to say. My response. Is Christian men Get your focus.
So you can hurry up and get your woman.
Now, here's why I'm saying that because many men From my vantage point as a pastor, are waiting entirely too long. to get married. And it's costing us. In a lot of different ways, it's costing us. From a biblical standpoint.
Once a young man Has his God-given Purpose. Knows what God has equipped him to do. then he needs to get His wife to take the journey. with him in fulfilling his purpose. Let me give you the biblical background for why I'm saying what I'm saying.
Genesis chapter 2. Verses 15 through 17, you'll see that God gives Adam an assignment. And a command. Look at this passage. The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.
And the Lord God commanded the man, You are free to eat from any tree in the garden, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. For when you eat of it, you will surely die. Die.
So the Lord gave Adam an assignment. A job? And he gave him A command. As you live your life. Don't do this.
Adam has an assignment. Adam has clear directive from God. about how to live his life. The very next verse, verse 18, says, The Lord God said, It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for.
For him. First assignment. and commands from the Lord. Right after that. God said.
Get married.
Now, let me qualify. I think I mentioned this in the first message in the series. There are some men. T are gifted to handle singleness very well, to thrive in singleness. And the gifting part of that, as I described in that message, is it's not so much the gift of singleness, it is the gift of singleness without the distraction of strong sexual temptation.
In other words, there are some men, Paul said he was one of them, who have the ability to thrive in singleness in large part because sexual temptation, sexual immorality, is not a real big temptation for them. He wasn't suggesting people like that are perfect. They have other weaknesses and struggles, but. Sexual immorality just happens not to be one of them.
So there are men. There were men in Bible times, there are men today who fit that bill. And can thrive in singleness, and it's really, they're not distracted by that kind of thing.
So I want to first acknowledge and reaffirm, yes, there are some brothers in the body of Christ who don't really need to be married because God has equipped them to thrive in singleness. They're happy being single, they're not really looking to get married, they're living right, they're serving God, they are full-time, able to focus on anything they can do to help their pastor or their churches or ministries or missions or all that. It's great. There are guys who are thriving in it. If you are one of them, then I am not saying to you you need to go on and get married, not to you.
There are those of you who can thrive in it, but the 12 of you are the exception to the rule. You know, I just grabbed the number. That's just, I'm just. being facetious while making a serious point. It is a small percentage.
of men Who are so equipped. Small percentage. If you're not in that percentage, you probably shouldn't expect to be. It's a very small percentage. The vast majority of Christian men, if they're going to live right and serve God right, They need to get married as soon as possible.
No need of y'all playing games with yourselves. No need of you fronting. You know you're not handling it well. Your hormones are telling you you're not handling it well. Your little black book is telling you you're not handling it well.
And just because you Hope to get your ducks in a row, or you hope to get out of debt first, or you hope to. Men tell me all the old pastor, you know, I'm just trying to get some things lined up. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna get married one of these days, but you know, I got some things I'm trying to do.
Well, what I'm trying to do is point you. In the direction of truth, you gonna mess up. Big time. If you don't pay attention to the fact that if you're not so gifted, then you need to get yourself married.
So men, don't wait to get all your ducks lined up. Let the ducks get in line along the way. I'm troubled by this generation that's putting money stuff over. real important life decisions. Money isn't all that.
God's going to supply your every need if you'll seek Him first, kingdom of God and His righteousness. And y'all know good and well, you're in so much debt, you ain't getting out anytime soon. All that junk you went and bought. All those ill-advised decisions. All those trying to impress people, wearing clothes, trying to dress for success.
Driving a Cadillac on a Volkswagen budget. Wearing a hundred-dollar hat on a nickel head, you ain't getting out of debt. anytime soon. Trying to impress somebody. Don't make money your Lord.
Jesus said, You can't serve God and money at the same time. Thanks so much for being here with us on Destined for Victory. Today's message, Act Like a Christian Lady, Think Like a Christian Man, is part of our teaching series Straight Talk for Singles. Look for it online at pastorpaul.net.
Well, we've got a great new resource to share with you today: our booklet, Grown Up Faith. If you long to move towards a greater level of spiritual maturity and a more intimate walk with Jesus, get yourself a copy of this booklet. you'll be challenged to embrace who you are in Christ and operate in who He designed you to be. Again, that's grown-up faith, yours today, by request, for your most generous donation to Destined for Victory. You can give by phone by calling 855-339-5500.
855-339-5500. or visit pastorpaul.net to make a safe and secure donation online. Also, you can mail your gift to To Destined for Victory. Post Office Box 1767, Fremont, California, 94538. Do you know the Bible says your spouse is to be your partner for life?
So parenting cannot supersede the importance of your marriage because when that kid is off and on their own, you're supposed to have nurtured your marriage in such a way that the two of you all can walk with each other all the way to the grave. That's next time in our continuing message: Act Like a Christian Lady, Think Like a Christian Man. But until then remember. He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.
