Absurd Truth: Dana's Netflix Review

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Subscribe to the Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts, and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles. Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man.

Okay, I don't even know. This is the headline. A Florida Man swallowed 769,000. At first, I thought it was $769.

No, no, no. $769,000 stolen diamond earrings from Tiffany. And he asked cops if he'll quote, be charged for what's in his stomach. He's clearly an amateur jewel thief. And he, Jathan Gilder, he pretended to be a representative for an Orlando Magic player to gain access.

And this is WFLA. The thief apparently ran out of the store with two sets of earrings, one 4.8 carat set worth $160,000, another eight carat set worth half a million dollars, according to the outlet. He was stopped by the Orlando Police Department on the highway. They got him for resisting arrest, but they could not find the earrings. So they charged him, but they were trying to charge him for theft. He spontaneously asked staff once he got into prison, once he got into jail, if he was going to be charged with, quote, what's in my stomach? And then they they're like, okay, so they had to undergo a body scan. And that's when they saw that they had he got some earrings in his belly.

Oh, my gosh. So they literally have to pass through his system. So do you get a discount on them is what I'm curious about.

Like how clean can you get them? And is there a discount? I asked last night I asked the internet because I had some rare time to sit down and I was gonna watch something. And I went to look and I'm like, I don't have anything on my list. I don't have anything to watch. I have no idea what to watch.

The one thing that I was watching was 1923. But I mean, it's like barely cranking out an episode a week. And I can't stand that drip drip.

And I wanted all of them. I want to binge when I can binge. So I'm like, Oh, my gosh, what do I and I I've been watching. You guys know, since lockdown, my kids got me into anime because everything was horrid. And it was non woke and don't stop don't realize it's not a cartoon. It's like more sophisticated than just like a cartoon.

And very non woke and some it's just really elaborately done things you can't do in meat space. Anyway, I was asking for stuff because what popped up when I went and looked on Netflix, you know what show popped up? It wasn't recommended for me.

It just said new because they know better than a recommend this. It was that suitcase girl show. The Meghan Markle show, her show where she pretends to be a chef. And I wanted to hate watch it. Because I don't like her. I think she's incredibly disingenuous. And I just there's a whole thing but I you know, I don't get into it. I do think that they're wrecks this show.

Oh, my gosh, I maybe looked at I couldn't make it through like two minutes guys. She's not a very good actor. She's a very bad actor. And people have these tells that they give off when you know that they're full of it or that they're not being their authentic selves. And it's just really like this stuff that she says nobody talks about it. And she everything that she I know I'm in a cream colored sweater. Shut up.

I'll be back to black later. But everything that she wears is like Nordstrom beige. And it's like they she it's like she tries to be stealth wealth, but really doesn't want to be stealthy about it. And they I mean, she's doing this show. It's supposed to be a cooking show, but she doesn't actually cook. Like the other people cook and then she just puts her hands all over everything and rearranges it.

I watched where she took a bag of pretzels and then dumped it into another plastic bag so that it was prettier and then tied it up and was like to the chef. I wanted your you know what I did this for you because we're friends. Audio sound by 26. I just need you to understand how much I endure for you. Go ahead and do this. Oh, gosh. I don't think anyone in the world knows that Meghan Markle has eaten Jack in the box.

It's so funny to you keep saying Meghan Markle. You know, I'm Sussex now. You have kids and you go, no, I share my name with my children. Yes.

And that feels so I I didn't know how meaningful it would be to me, but it it just means so much to go. This is our family. Please let it pause.

Husband. Pause, pause, pause. And I can't wait a minute. Come back to it.

Come back to a pause. Sorry, Juan. Juan's going to murder me.

First off, she's going to chop her damn fingers off with the vegetables. I can't. But how many how many beige things can you wear all at once? All of the beige. I say this in a cream colored sweater. I'm in jeans. Don't judge me.

This is the only thing I have is not black. Stop it. Why? But do you have to wear all of the sweaters? Number one.

Number two. That was a bitch. You know, my name is Sussex. You know that that's what that meant.

She's like so funny that you keep saying that. Your name isn't actually Sussex, isn't it? Mountbatten-Windsor. How do I know this?

I don't know. Isn't that what the family's name is? Because isn't that when Elizabeth and Philip got married and Philip was mad that he couldn't give his name to his kids and they ended up being Mountbatten-Windsor later. That's like actually their last name.

County Sussex is the county that she's only been to like one time in her life and they don't even like them. And they they took that as the title. Your title is actually not your last name. But I don't that I can't. Okay, go ahead. Like the cutting of the vegetables makes me nervous.

Yes. And that feels so I didn't know how meaningful it would be to me. But it it just means so much to go.

This is our family name. My husband and three dogs. It's not my gosh, your fingers.

What are you doing? My bacon burger. I'm like worried about how she's cutting variable.

And it's got a lot of magic in it. I feel like you're watching me fall in love. It's very, very awkward. I'm so sorry. Megan, I want to ask about your Luke. My who? Your Luke.

Your look, Megan. Oh, my Luke. Your Luke.

Did I not say it right? I don't know. I'm way cooler than I am.

I don't know what you're talking about. My Luke. My look. She likes my Luke. Your Luke. Oh, my gosh.

Is this the band from the show? So that was obviously set up. She's wearing a Louis Vuitton denim shirt. That's what the little V is there. And I'm like, seriously, that's like so not stealth.

Well, that's like, obnoxious. Anyway, what is, where's the they like they made kids party bags, and they put in a honey, a Manuka honey stick, some seeds, and like a little garden trowel. Like what kid wants that? No kid wants that. You know what kids want? They want garbage pail kids. They want Sour Patch candy. That's what they want. They want fun stuff. They want like something they can throw at their siblings.

That's what they want. And then there was one moment where she said it's such a delight to be a present parent and acting like she's so busy. I was rolling my eyes so hard.

A friend of mine texted me and said, Oh, my gosh, I said I tried to stomach this and I couldn't do it. What is a present parent? You're raising kids. You know how many other people before you have birth children, although some people ask, birth children, raise them or adopt children, raise them. They're present in their children's lives.

They they're there. What is the present parent? And then they she did this thing where she arranged fruit in a rainbow on the board. Who the hell has time for that?

Who has time? I'm going to cut up my fruit. If you love your children as much as I do, you're going to poorly cut the fruit. Maybe put some fingers in there.

Poorly cut the fruit and arrange it into a rainbow on a platter. And then she was saying, well, you can just use a large plate. This stuff that she is this is like basic bee stuff.

I don't know what the aim of this program was. But it is one of the most cringe things because she is unaware of how horribly she comes off. She thinks the problem is everybody else. It's just so that's not even her house. They rented someone else's house. That's not even her house. She rented this couple's house in Montecito. And that's where they filmed it. And so this is not even hers.

It's just so terribly inauthentic. And everyone was saying you're ripping off Pam Anderson because Pam Anderson apparently had a cooking thing. She was ripping off what Flamingo Estate, which is this like small business that's in Los Angeles, and they do candles and all this stuff. So she launched these products. She's got a crepe mix and probably some other mass produced, you know, high processed stuff.

And of course, her jams, her jellies that they had to keep changing the trademark for a million times. I mean, I just it's just so this is not relatable. I mean, you can tell that she's not. I think she wants to be seen as being like a lifestyle guru.

But you can literally see from her cooking skills in the kitchen that she's not. And it's okay to say that you have people that do this for you. Just be honest about it.

Don't try to act to everybody else like this is stuff that you do day in and day out. Because nobody, ladies, can I get an amen? First off, you're not going to have your hair extensions all the way down in the fruit that you're cutting. Number one. Number two, ain't nobody wearing white doing tomato sauce. No self respecting cook is going to wear white and make tomato sauce. This is not happening, especially without an apron. Oh my gosh.

I don't know. Like I watched it, watched enough to where I didn't choke to death. And then I just I did this because you guys were tight, right?

And I do this stuff for you as a favor. Don't don't don't subject yourself to this. Just scroll on past. It is so it is one of the most inauthentic things I've ever watched in my life. You didn't you you're not even interested in this stuff, Kane. I just don't know.

Like, it wasn't even a proper Oh my gosh, what? So one has this you can't see it. But I can see it in the monitor of her cutting. It's on a loop her cutting things.

And every time I look up, she gets like right there by her fingers. There's so many different parts of the show where she's trying to cut for like she was cutting a strawberry. And I legit thought she was about ready to slice her finger off. I just couldn't even watch anymore. I'm like, this is horrible.

It's just so inauthentic. And I Oh, look at Oh my gosh, what in the world? What is she cutting?

Onions? Oh my gosh. And you can see that she's just not even.

I don't know. It doesn't look authentic. You're not gonna watch this and you like foodie stuff. I am uninterested 100% in this. I would much rather watch the chef that she has make her family's food when the cameras aren't there. I would rather watch them do it. And then she can stand on the side and like wear her, you know, Laura Piana like $2,000 cool lots if she wants to.

But oh my gosh, I can't even deal. It's just Mindy Kaling. I'm a fan of hers.

Are you funny? Yeah. She seems obnoxious. Yeah, yeah.

I like that. No, like in a woke way. Oh, I hate that. But I don't get that about her.

I think she said she said interviews and stuff before. And it's just made me not want to watch anything she's in. I'm like, I don't I can't stand people who get off camera and whine like you're literally in probably $1,000 denim shirt. Shut up.

Like I'm just Tony even not even hearing you. All right, we got it. I just I watched some of it. So you didn't have to. I'm not gonna watch all of it. I'm not gonna do a whole I know everybody's doing this big hate watch viewing thing. I can't.

I mean, I love you, but not that much partners, people who will bring you the program. It's GoldCo. We love gold. Although the URL is Dana likes gold.com. I'm like like isn't strong enough.

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Another study proves a higher minimum wage is bad for businesses, customers and employees. And Andrew Cuomo is officially running for mayor of New York City. I'm Greg Kourambas join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the three martini lunch podcast. We'll give you the good, bad and crazy news of the day. And hopefully a lot of laughs to follow the three martini lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.

And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So this is a woman was stung by a scorpion in Boston.

Boston Logan Airport. She straight up got stuck that my my youngest son had a pet scorpion was it an emperor scorpion or something like that called it Sherman. Because it looked like a tank. It was a black scorpion. They're weird. He wanted a tarantula.

I was like, okay, I don't want things that are hairy with lots of legs. Let's not do that. So we got a scorpion. Anyway. Oh, oh, this is gonna be chills. She totally she got stung.

She was collecting her bags. They have no idea where it came from. They they wouldn't say if it was captured or killed or if it's like still crawling around the terminal. They have no idea where it is. I mean, they're not okay. This is gonna be a dumb question.

And if my son heard it, he would probably literally make fun of me and turn me into a meme. They're not like bees, right? They don't like, you know, rip our butt out with our stinger and we're dead.

Okay, thanks. So they, they're they're trying to find it. They have like, some experts come out, but they're like, we're not too we're not too worried about it. I mean, I guess if you're okay, and it's just mildly discomforting, that's okay. I mean, I can live with that. But it's still gross. What in the world?

Why is this a story? They've been studying this. A percentage of people who pee in the shower has now been leaked in a new study. That's the headline. Okay. I don't. A quarter of Americans do it on a regular basis.

They have indoor plumbing, right? I'd be lying if I said I never did it. I don't need to know this about you. I'm just saying, I don't know how common it is. 25% seems like a lot.

That seems like a lot. But they said in the course of an average year, they said 30% of men do it regularly. 20% of women, according to this survey that they, this is the New York Post, a quarter of millennials say it's a daily practice.

Thankfully, Gen Xers are like 13%. That's, and in total, 45% of Americans relieve themselves in the shower throughout the course of it. I'm sorry, but wasn't there another story that talked about men and do they actually wash their legs and feet or do they let the soap drip down?

So I've got like a million. This does not like it. Maybe that's how you shower. Then maybe definitely use the toilet. You know what I'm saying? Like, why is this? Let's not evolve backwards.

Let's not do that. A man is suing his brother-in-law after he filled his belly button with superglue. The man says he's filed a legal claim against his brother-in-law.

It was a prank. He poured superglue into his belly button while he slept. And the man says that he and his wife and family are furious. They took him to small claims court. He felt like he had no choice.

They were at a family barbecue. He had too many beers, fell asleep without a shirt on, blah, blah, blah. His brother-in-law thought it would be hilarious. And he said it partially dried and it was stuck.

They adhered to the skin. It was horrible. $1,000 copay for emergency room visit. $2,200 medical bill. He asked the brother-in-law to cover the cost. The brother-in-law refused. I got to feel like the brother-in-law's in the wrong here. Sorry.

You need a help pay up, dude, because that's lame. And also don't get drunk and fall asleep in a hammock around family like that. What is the matter with you? Trust no one.

You know, even at a family event, at a family barbecue, because, you know, I feel like maybe probably done something like this before. I am not reading this last story, Cain. Thank heavens. Attorney General Kim Paxton is coming in to save the day because I'm not going to tell you about this Missouri man who tried to have a romantic evening with a train seat. Not making it up. Stick with us.

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Innovation performance, Kel-Tec, K-E-L-T-E-C weapons.com. Tell them Dana sent you. You know, the Biden's got issues. Did you hear the story to Hunter Biden saying that he's absolutely broke? He asked a judge to drop the laptop lawsuit. He says he's millions in debt, that it's been worsened by the LA wildfires.

I don't know how it's worsened. He was only renting the house that he was in. Wasn't the house that the Secret Service was in? I think that one burned down in the wildfires.

The one that they had leased right next door. So he can't, nobody wants to buy his paintings, I guess, anymore. That was in Politico. They said Hunter Biden broke apart from his dad, spared him from prison, but he remained saddled with debt. He was forced out of the home he was renting by the fire in the Pacific.

Palisades. He said he's got a grim financial situation that came out of a court filing saying that he struggled to sell his paintings in recent months, moving only one in the past 14 months. In the prior two to three years, he moved 27 paintings. He sold 27 paintings. He reported significant debt.

Wait, sidebar. How many of it was that one wannabe Big Lebowski guy who was his lawyer and pot buddy? Didn't he buy most of them?

Yeah. He reported significant debts, lackluster sales of his memoirs. I sold a hell of a lot more books than Hunter Biden.

He sold only 4,200 copies in a year. Wow. And those are just bookstore orders.

That doesn't mean that the bookstore actually sold them. Wow. So, I mean, it's so shocking that Biden's career ended the day that his dad left office. How crazy is that?

I mean, I am marveling at the sheer coincidence of it all came. Truly coincidental that now, because Biden isn't in office anymore, he's no longer president of the United States. Suddenly, Hunter Biden's spit paintings are no longer, guys, valuable.

Nobody wants to buy them. So he's begging. He's saying he's broke. You know what? Maybe living in, let me look at this.

Let me look at that. Maybe living in the Pacific Palisades, renting the home that he was. You realize he was paying, goodness. Oh, man. I mean, he was paying $15,000 a month.

Oh, sorry. $16,000 a month. He was paying $16,000 a month. And apparently, I guess that house was burned down. And then the house that was right next door to it, which was also about $15,000 to $16,000 a month, we taxpayers had to pay that bill for Secret Service to live next door to him.

Why did he think? He didn't need to even live out there. He didn't need to live out there to work or for any other reason. Why did he think that he could swing a $15,800 a month home, rent it, when his income is entirely predicated upon his dad's influence as president? I mean, he didn't even prepare. He was still in that house as his dad was like, you could watch him lose the re-election.

He didn't even have the foresight to plan adequately for what life after his dad not in office anymore, for what that life would look like. That's the other. He is one of the most irresponsible males I have ever seen in my life.

Talk about a failure to launch. It's him. Oh, my gosh. He's 50-something years old. He's in his mid-50s. His mid-50s. He can get like the Denny's early bird thing, right?

And he still can't stand on his own. He's got to have daddy, merch out daddy so he can make his money. This man did not need to live in a $15,800 a month rental.

Talk about having champagne taste and a beer budget. He could have been living in a decent sized home, paying a regular mortgage or regular rent on a house back where his family is in Delaware. But he didn't want to do that. He was trying to live it up.

They think that they're this great dynasty. Is that not just a Democrat for you now? He's like, oh, I can't suffer the consequences of my illegal actions. So can we just throw these can we just throw these cases out? Can you imagine going to the judge?

I didn't manage my money responsibly and so now I'm broke. Can we throw the case out? Can you imagine going and saying that? Just shocking. Absolutely shocking. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lashes Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcast, Spotify, wherever you get your podcasts.