Absurd Truth: The Epstein File Reveal

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It's time for Florida Man. What's that Carrie Underwood song where she talks about beating up her ex's car because he was a cheating scoundrel. Remember that? Took her Louisville Slugger to both headlights, something like that.

Before he cheats or something. Yes. So that reminds me of this story. So WESH Channel 2, Volusia County, Florida, an 18-year-old woman. She was mad at her ex-boyfriend. She wanted revenge. And she admitted, you know, she was upset with her ex-boyfriend. She was vandalizing his car, throwing eggs, spraying paint on it. You know, he apparently did her wrong. And I will say that I'm pretty sure one of the things that Carrie Underwood did in her song is make sure that it actually was her ex-boyfriend's car.

Because this 18-year-old did not do that. And so now she's facing charges because it wasn't her ex-boyfriend's car. It was some Rando's car. And it was her and a 16-year-old accomplice. They were spray painting, they'd spray painted the car, they'd spray paint all over them. And they, oh boy, they really, they keyed it, they were busting it up, and it wasn't even the ex's car. And then when they were arrested, they found deputies said they recovered an empty bottle of Crown Royale marijuana and a scale and some yellow spray paint, the exact yellow spray paint that they used on the guy's car that wasn't the ex's. Can you imagine being a guy who comes out and you see some crazy chick, 18 years old and a 16-year-old?

Well, you can see Juan showing you on the simulcast. It's a bright yellow, bright yellow spray paint all over this car. Devil.

Yeah, a lot of stuff. They spray painted on it. And then you come out to your car and it's not, it's, it's your, somebody targeted you and you're not the actual, oh my.

It's like, wait, I'm single. Oh my gosh, I would have probably like sprayed the spray paint all over in her face. I, oh my gosh, I can't. Yeah, I feel so bad for that dude because look at, that's, that's a lot of work for that car. And it looks like the tires were slashed too, at least the back one.

Good heavens. Let's see this. Okay, here's another machete story. Machete. So a Florida man attacks a mechanic also with a machete and then stabs a mother in the head and neck.

Good night. Uh, Darryl Dean Roberts. You should not have that many first names. Darryl Dean. He's 38 years old. He was charged with two counts of attempted homicide in the February 24th attacks at a home in the Encantata community, according to NBC6 South Florida. Uh, the father of, uh, he apparently, this air conditioning mechanic had been working at home. He needed help moving a washing machine in the garage. His mother asked him to help the repairman and he refused. Uh, according to the Pembroke Pines Police Department, the mother told the son, the suspect, to assist the repairman and it didn't happen. And then the repairman exited the residence. The suspect followed him.

The mechanic went to his work truck. Roberts grabbed a machete from his truck, attacked the repairman, cutting him on the arm. I tried to stab him again, but missed. The repairman began running towards the house as Roberts' mother was coming outside. She tried to intervene and that's when he stabbed her multiple times. And then witnesses called 911. The mother had serious injuries to everywhere.

She's gonna have to have one of her hands amputated. She was flown to a trauma center in critical condition. Uh, this guy was booked in jail.

He's being held without bond. The mechanic's injuries were serious and required care, but he's expected to be okay. I just cannot believe the number of machete stories. Everybody got a machete. And people from Florida are like, that's the thing. They carry machetes. They're like, hi, we live in a swamp. There's like a jungle here. Gators and like craziness.

We got to have machetes. So they do. I just find that fascinating. A Florida man poses as an immigration officer at Orlando apartments to check for undocumented residents. It seems like an unsafe idea. But you know what, when, you know, you got to, and in Florida, that's where they really don't have to worry about that. Like Florida is one state where you really don't got to worry about it because they deal with it. Uh, an Orlando man was arrested because he was impersonating a Homeland security officer. The man told a worker he was investigating illegal immigrants in the area and then flashed a weapon. Uh, he wanted to make sure that people weren't illegally in the country, staying illegally at a local apartment complex.

I think 47 year old Steven Donovan needs to get a hobby. I feel like, you know, because they do take care of that in Florida now. And they are working, you know, to even be more aggressive because this kind of stuff is unsafe. Like what happens if he showed up at an apartment building and it was trend to Aragua that ran it? Like what happened? Like that guy's immediately boom.

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Shopify.com slash try. Are you expecting to hear about from the files came? I have no idea. I have no idea. I would expect some names to pop up. I would expect some accusations to be thrown around, but I don't really suspect we'll get anything from this first phase.

That's really earth shattering. Yeah, I'm, um, I am curious, but I don't think anything, I don't think any of this is online right now. So, but you've had time to print out, print it out and put it in binders and have a ceremony with some butt kissing influencers. Seriously, why can't you just release them to everybody?

That's what tax, I mean, hell, with the amount of taxes we all pay, put it out there so we can immediately see if you had the time to put it together in a binder and have a little special event, then yeah, you can, you could have put it online. So why isn't that being done? Is it because there's nothing in it? I mean, I would just think it's more explosive if you dropped it all online and you're like, look at this.

I mean, they've done that before. So why the change up? This is the stuff that I don't get. I don't get this stuff.

I don't, I don't quite, I don't get it. So I don't know. Who knows? And I will see. I don't know.

I mean, maybe people are too busy having cocktail time to actually even go through the damn binder. I don't know. The link that Lorraine shared is accurate. It looks like this was part one that was released today. And apparently there's 22 parts to this. So it's apparently all released online.

And I one see, cause this is something, and this was all done. I mean, they could have released these last night. They could have released some, I mean, ASAP because the ceremony at the White House was way earlier today.

Just saying. So was the ceremony just to announce that this was all laid out online? Is that what this was? I think they just invited some of the White House influencers up and then they gave them like a special binder with everything printed out for them.

And I think annotated and all that stuff and given to them in that way. The rest of you poor unwashed masses, you got to go online. But I don't know what, we haven't had a chance to go over any of it. I'm actually kind of, I actually kind of don't want, do you want to allow any downloads came from vault.fbi.gov.

Oops. Cause I've already downloaded it. I'm actually looking at it right now.

This is the only time I would ever put any kind of government anything on my. The first few pages are like a lot of code looking things. But then there's some redacted info. I love all the, the significance of the black bars. There's so many, so much of this is redacted. It's, I mean, it's kind of pointless. There's a whole page that's just redacted.

Yeah. It looks like they have some almost like microfilm type article, you know, pictures of articles that are involving Epstein and looks like apparently other page individuals, whatever this is, they don't even have the page numbers on them. Is the only thing that isn't redacted is this quote, therefore is Jeffrey Epstein, who at the time of these incidents was, was what we don't know.

It's a, we literally have no idea. The whole thing is like, there's, it's, it's redacted. And then you just have some news articles that everybody's read news articles. There's some news articles.

Let's see. They have just like case file names, news articles, all the really good stuff is redacted. So I'm already just, I'm scrolling through and I'm not seeing anything that is new because it's all redacted. So that was the first part. There's 21 other parts. No, I know. I mean, I'm still scrolling and it's just white boxes. Yeah.

Everything or with some case numbers, white boxes, white boxes. Okay. So there's literally nothing in part one.

There's literally nothing. Yeah. It doesn't appear to be. Yeah.

I don't know. I'm sure there's, let's just go, let's just go down to part 16. I'm sure that's going to be, Oh yeah. Look at that. It's all redacted. Yeah. Well, cause I wanted to see, Oh yeah.

All the giant do all redacted. So I don't even know what that is. Uh, let's just go to, let's go to 10. Right.

Let's go up. Uh, let's see. Oh my gosh. I hate putting this stuff on my computer. It's just a PDF, right?

I need to kiss more butts. So I get a special binder. So this is, let's see.

Oh yep. That's all literally all redacted. Uh, I'm not, it's, this is, uh, there's, I doubt, especially if there's any kind of, they're still investigating.

I don't know if they would actually release anything that's still part of an open investigation because that, that would not be in line with their standard operating procedure. However, don't sit here and tell us you're going to release the files and then everything's redacted. I mean, everything is redacted.

I'm still scrolling it. It's, it's all, Oh yeah. All redacted.

Can't I, I don't even know what some of this is. It's just all blank white squares came. That's it. I'm just seeing pages with code and then a bunch of redacted material. That's it.

Yeah. So what have we learned? Well, nothing. Absolutely nothing. And I got to stop for a moment because Juan is showing, don't know, go back to that photo Juan. What is up with Jelaine Maxwell's pauldrons on her coat?

What in the world is that? That's just, what weird people. So we have not really learned anything. Okay. All right. There you go. Everything's redacted. So when are we getting the other stuff that's not redacted? Anybody know?

They made a big deal out of it. I just want promises kept. That's all I want. I want to see who's dirty.

I want to see who's dirty so they can be dragged. That's all I care about. Now Bondi says that they're still, that the Southern District of New York is still holding thousands of these documents. And they said that some of those are going to be, they still have stuff that's going to be delivered tomorrow. But so far, I don't know. And I have no idea when the DOJ will release it. They just said that it'll be delivered tomorrow.

But that's not necessarily when Bondi would release anything else. I don't even know why it was a big deal to even get the information in the first place. Why was it such a big deal for them to even hand over anything to the DOJ in the first place?

How weird is this? I want to know who the sketchy, shady people are in government. I want to know what all this guy was up to. I want to know how many people are implicated because it's just, there's no reason, honestly, I don't even think anything should be redacted at this point. Was it really going to interfere with any kind of investigation?

Nothing. It shouldn't even be redacted at this point. Unless, you know, you're talking about some pretty high-powered figures that, you know, maybe they would want a fair trial.

And if you leak this stuff, then maybe that would, you know, mess up their due process and you would have some admissible things, etc. So I don't know if that plays into it or not. But I don't know.

I'm looking at the final one, the 22, the part 22. And there seems to be fewer redactions, if not, I mean, zero, it looks like zero redactions in that final. But it doesn't have anything that we don't already know. But it's just, it's court documentation. Yeah, it's all like letterhead and, you know, I don't know. I don't know.

So it's really not, I'm not seeing anything new. Did he kill himself though? I mean, clearly it, he did. And he was a miniature and he could jump off his top bunk and hang himself. Clearly, he was able to hang himself and tie a knot and do all of that stuff at all.

All of it. I mean, clearly he just disregarded what we know about death and dying and people when they commit suicide, your body actually will resist you and fight against you, you know, depending on method. I'm not saying I watch a lot of true crime, but maybe I do. You know, I'm sure his case is special because it completely disregards all facts and rules and everything else that we've ever had in the history of mankind. I you know, I'm just saying it's the truth as we know it.

Yeah, that's the truth as we know it. So nothing to see here, I guess. It makes you feel great, guys, right? The transparency. Love it.

Loving it. All these people are like, look at the transparency. They opened the binder and it's literally nothing. In fact, didn't, who was it that like wrote a book and it was blank? It was like Joe Biden's economic plan or something. No, it was Kamala Harris's accomplishments. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And it was entirely blank. So, okay. Yeah.

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No purchase necessary. CBS says free speech led to the Holocaust and seems to approve prosecuting insulting speech. The number of illegal border crossings plummets and the right is actually winning the political messaging war for once. I'm Greg Kourambas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the Three Martini Lunch podcast. We'll give you the good, bad and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs too.

Follow the Three Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. So first up, the Pentagon releases a photo taken by its top secret space plane for the first time, but it can't operate without a crew. That's what's kind of interesting with this. It's a top secret space plane. The most surprising thing. Well, I like it's not top secret anymore though, if they've decided to announce it. It's the Space Force X-37B space plane. And for the first time they have released it so it can operate for years without a crew. And that's interesting. They say it's capable of high elliptical or I don't even know what that means. It's super spacey stuff and it sounds very powerful.

And I like it. Taiwan has mobilized air, sea and land forces as China launches a surprise live fire invasion drill. So not dry fire, live fire. And as a result to respond to that Taiwan had to mobilize. China also conducted war drills. We talked about this with Steven Yates earlier in the week near Australia and New Zealand in a blatant show of force. They're trying to bully everyone.

And it's interesting how it's kind of seems to be targeted towards Five Eyes too. 32 aircraft they deployed alongside their warships and they announced them just off the island's coast. And this has been, I don't know, I don't know that they have done any kind of live fire drills ever, but they are definitely are trying to figure out how to escalate and save a rattle without going to war. So they've had, they had a number of flights around Australia and New Zealand that had to divert because of this.

They had to immediately, I mean, they had to abandon their plans to land and go somewhere else. So pretty wild. A man was found to have stashed $10,000 worth of cocaine under his toupee. He probably ended up looking like Jean-Paul Polnareff from Jojo because I can't imagine how your toupee would lay flat on your head after all of that $10,000 worth of cocaine.

40 year old man, he was arrested at the Colombian airport on suspicion of drug trafficking because other people noticed that his hair looked weird, that it was kind of like a little tall and he was going to Amsterdam and they found it. I don't know how you think you could get your third that through the toupee, but he apparently thought he did. They removed several small packages that were like attached inside of the toupee. So they had to cut the top off and then they had these, like they were packed in like these disks.

There was video of them cutting it out, which is kind of gross. And a Texas child who has passed away from measles, they said that the child was not vaccinated against measles. And this is, I always get aggravated at the whole conversation with regard to vaccines, particularly with COVID because some of them, I personally don't have a problem with.

If there's a huge bulk of data and they've been used and studied for like a century, but the new stuff that they were trying to force everyone into taking, that's a whole different ballgame. But the school-age child was hospitalized, passed away Tuesday night because it's been a widespread outbreak here in Texas, nearly 30 years. They've had 124 cases erupt across nine counties, all pretty much simultaneously. They didn't identify the child, but they did treat them in Lubbock.

The patient didn't live in Lubbock County though. This lady that was charged, this lady here that we're showing on the simulcast, channel 347 direct TV, as well as accent. She has an impressive jawline.

Facebook. That lady was apparently charged with explosives or having an incendiary device, basically like explosives at a Tesla dealership. This lady right here, a 40 year old lady came. Yeah. This lady's and that's how it's reported.

The lady, woman arrested, even Fox says woman arrested after explosives discovered at Tesla dealership. This lady, they name the lady as Lucy Grace Nelson. Ms. Nelson here. I kind of wonder what Ms. Nelson does for skincare that makes Ms. Nelson's skin look bristly in the area where one would have a beard, Kane. Yeah, that is odd. Yeah. For a woman. And another thing, Kane, that stuck out to me about this reported woman's photograph, the woman who had explosives at Tesla, the weird thing in Ms. Nelson's neck.

Yeah. It's like a bulge in the neck. It's right below that impressive jawline.

It's a strong jaw for a lady. Is that an Eve's apple? An Eve's apple. That might be because, you know, a lady wouldn't have an Adam's apple.

No, not a woman. That apple belongs to Adam. So, I mean, he's got some other kind of fruit in his throat there. What's up?

What's up? I don't know what that is. An Eve's apple, right? So, Ms. Nelson was spotted on Monday night. Just keep this lovely lady's photo up there if you would, Juan. This lady was spotted on Monday night with incendiary devices and materials. It was attributed to vandalism and was booked into jail and issued a $10,000 cash surety bond. And this is the Loveland Police Department. So, you know, this lady had some explosives at Tesla dealership.

And Loveland Police said that this lady may have left very offensive messages, derogatory in nature. I am shocked. That is not very ladylike. That is. You know what?

That's right. Real ladies don't leave derogatory messages at Tesla dealership. You know what, guys?

I am beginning to wonder, because let's look for a minute. The behavior. I mean, that is a strong jaw for a lady.

The bulge in the neck. I'm beginning to question whether this lady is a lady. Don't be a bigot. Oh, can't be a bigot, though.

Don't do that. Because the lady says that Ms. Nelson says Ms. Nelson's a lady. And I mean, surely, considering that Ms. Nelson was apprehended with explosives at a Tesla dealership, I fail to see where there's anything in Ms. Nelson's behavior that would discredit Ms. Nelson and Ms. Nelson's claim that Ms. Nelson's, in fact, a lady came. It's convincing. That bulge in the neck, though. That neck bulge, though. That's really a small percentage of the whole.

And some ladies, you know, they had the bearded lady back in the day, the circus. I mean, that might be a thing. Okay. Yeah. Okay.

I don't know. I mean, I do see pink strands in the hair, so that's got it. Yeah, because only a lady would wear pink.

Clearly. And clearly, only a lady would have dyed strands of hair like that. I mean, ABC News woman caught trying to plant explosives. NBC woman accused of repeatedly vandalizing a Colorado Tesla dealership. A woman, 40, was caught with explosives at a Tesla dealership in Colorado. A woman, a woman, a woman, a woman.

Economic Times, a woman was arrested at Tesla's Colorado dealership for vandalism. Apparently, it was a repeated thing. This lady. It's a repeated thing. I still got to say, though. It doesn't. Is it a lady?

I ask questions because if you say someone may not like what you say, and they may take offense to it, I think it's a journalistic approach to task and to be curious. Well, they do have some form of genitals, as humans have. Some form. I'm assuming that they are, in fact, a human.

Yeah, it looks human. But how difficult, let me just ask this, how difficult does it make it if you're in law enforcement? Say that you got a bolo, right? Oh my gosh, there's a person with explosives at Tesla. You got to find this person. Well, the person identifies as a woman. Okay, everybody be on the lookout for a lady with explosives at a Tesla dealership. And this guy is like, well, they say got a guy there who maybe is just decided to be dishonest about what he is so he could skirt the law.

Everybody's not looking for a lady and you got a guy with a frankenbeans running around just as free as a bird. Just you know, I don't even know how to call them or her. I'm sorry, her. Yeah, her, them, it, the person.

How did they catch that person? I mean, all the media says that is the lady, the same media that is very offended about the doge nerds having access to your read only access to their waste, fraud and abuse. But they damn it, you better call this a lady.

Because they've got, Ms. Nelson's hair. So, I mean, there's not really a lot of information about Ms. She sounds hideous. Well, she's a guy. So yeah, there's a man. So Lorraine says that originally now Lorraine, you got to be careful. We're in new territory here.

Chat. You've got to be careful that Ms. Nelson says Ms. Nelson's a lady, although Lorraine found the story at the Colorado and did they deadname Ms. Nelson? Did they deadname Ms. Nelson?

Did they? I don't know. You know, oh, I don't know what my honorific was that I used. What?

You just couldn't hear me? Okay. They said that Ms. Nelson's name was Justin. What?

That can't be right. I don't know any women. I don't know any women named Justin. Justin Thomas Nelson.

I don't. I mean, I know of a Justine, like Justine Bateman. But that's not what Nelson's name says. It says Justin Thomas. Hmm.

Okay. Like not Thomasette Thomas. So it's not a woman. Yeah, because Justin seems more in line with that jawline and Eve's apple. And the balls. Yeah. And also those. Okay. You would expect someone named Justin to have a bulge in the neck. Just saying.

All right. The reason I bring this up, because A, it's more trans Tifa with Tesla because they're mad because, you know, we don't like you, Elon Musk, because you make electric cars and you want to cut spending, damn it. Doesn't it kind of lose energy after a while when you go through like his hits and you're like, wait a minute, do we like these things or not? Like, I don't know. I don't know why they think that blowing up a Tesla is the way to go. But it's trans Tifa thinking.

But every media outlet, and I mean every, I'm not saying that as like a universal statement. I mean, everywhere has identified, it says it's a woman. No, it's a trans Tifa. So can we stop empowering and giving cover to trans Tifa terrorism? Because this is terrorism. This is domestic terrorism.

This is exactly what that word is. Domestic terrorism isn't parents who are, you know, at their school, their kids' school board meeting. Domestic terrorism isn't, you know, people speaking out against men and women's sports. Domestic terrorism is trying to put incendiary devices at Tesla dealerships because you don't like Elon Musk. That's actual terrorism.

Unreal. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your have fun anytime, anywhere. Step one, go to Chumba casino.com. Chumba casino has been delivering thrills for over a decade. So claim your free welcome bonus now and live the Chumba life. Visit Chumba casino.com.

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