Absurd Truth: Blueberry Smoothies

Liberty Nation with Mark Angelides.

Trump tees up the Iron Dome, tax cuts on the horizon, and a housing crisis that's only going to get worse. All this and more on Liberty Nation Radio. Author, columnist, managing editor of LibertyNation.com, podcast host and conservative policy advocate. We dismiss history at our peril. Liberty Nation with Mark Angelides. Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Alright, so first up here.

Let's do this one. I don't know why anybody would just steal somebody's plane because it's not like they can't track you. So a Florida man was arrested after a stolen plane made an emergency landing on Half Moon Bay Beach. It was a small plane, San Mateo County Sheriff's Office.

The FAA was tracking it. There were no injuries, the pilot was the only person on board. The way that he landed this thing, it landed nose first in the sand. That's how Juan's showing you how the guy landed the plane. It is a wonder that he didn't crash the thing. Like totally.

It's wild. They said that a witness saw the guy, one witness saw the guy steal it, another witness saw him land it. So they took custody of him.

Luis Arias from Miami-Dade County was taken into custody. He stole it out of a Palo Alto airport. So there you go. Just why?

Why are people the way they are? Like for no reason. There's like no reason at all why he should take that.

But he did. He just, you know, I need a plane. Oh man. I don't really want to get this one. Guess who sent this one? Florida reader, listener Amber. All the worst ones are for her. And then Kane.

Kane is number two. Oh, did I do that? A Florida man sat on a firearm and he was, he was, he's apparently a felon and he was in illegal possession and he was trying, I guess, to hide it. He sat on it in the car and shot himself in the crank. Yeah. You know, criminals don't have the best firearm handling, I got to say.

This is in Jacksonville. They said the 30 year old man had a previous, has previous convictions. Now he's going to face charges of being a felon in possession, illegal possession of a firearm. Yeah. He just apparently didn't have it holstered or anything. It was kind of in a pocket. Oh my gosh.

Oh my gosh. Why would you do that? And he shot himself right in the crank. Just now he had NESF surgery.

He underwent surgery. Never do that. Oh man. Let's see here. Oh, I got one more. A Cocoa Beach principal and a teacher were arrested at a house party with over 100 students who were drinking. Yeah.

They faced charges. Cocoa Beach Elementary School principal. Stick with us. It is our friends over at Kel-Tec, the PR57. It's a 5-7. A great firearm. You know, we talked about it when I was at SHOT Show and they unveiled it at SHOT Show.

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Tell them Dana sent you. Start your impossible and your new year with a Toyota career. Toyota's all-new electric battery plant will open in Liberty, North Carolina later this year. The state-of-the-art facility will be the hub for producing electric batteries in North America. We are hiring in areas like maintenance, engineering, quality and production. A career with Toyota North Carolina brings great pay, industry-leading benefits and many opportunities to learn and grow.

Learn more and apply at Toyota.com slash careers. Donald Trump is sworn in as president again. Joe Biden preemptively pardons political allies and more family members as he exits.

And the American people strongly back the new president on deportations and transgender policy. I'm Greg Kourambas. Join Jim Garrity of National Review and me each weekday for the 3 Martini Lunch podcast. We'll give you the good, bad and crazy news of the day and hopefully a lot of laughs too. Follow the 3 Martini Lunch on Apple, Spotify or wherever you get your podcasts. What are all these white women going to do with their smoothies?

Audio Soundbite 6 please. I don't want to hear that they're doing work that no one else will do. Talk to guys in the building trades, plumbers, contractors. Farm, picking strawberries. I mean, I can't wait.

These building trades guys are being hurt by labor that shouldn't be here. I can't wait until American women can't get blueberries for their smoothies. I don't like smoothies because it's baby food. I like to chew my food.

I don't like liquefying everything. First off, what in the vocal fry hell did I just hear? Like my voice is low because I'm sick. I would literally have throat surgery if my voice sounded like hers.

What in the vocal? Oh my gosh, forget about the berries. What about the American women that need their smoothies?

Wait until they get pissed. Yeah, what is that? Who is this chick? She's a Democrat strategist. I've never heard of her. I have legit never heard of extension McExtensionhead.

I've never heard of her. Some of these people that you have to realize in Congress where I'm going to get mean. Some of these people, you've got to realize they get into political punditry. All they do is just read like the Politico headlines that are emailed to them every day. And that's the limits of their analysis. No, their work is trying to be political influencing.

So they go and they get their blots and they get all this and they go on CNN and they talk about smoothies. Can I hear that one more time? Because I'm not going to stop making fun of it. It deserves it. Do it. I don't want to hear that they're doing work that no one else will do. Talk to guys in the building trades, plumbers, contractors, picking strawberries.

These building trades guys are being hurt by labor that shouldn't be here. Wait until American women can't get blueberries for their smoothies. Why does she pull her mouth down like that? She does this. If you're watching on the simulcast, I'm making a face. I can't wait.

I can't wait until. I don't understand this. So she just thinks. So the blonde blue eyed Marxist predictably, or she blew, I don't know, the blonde Marxist predictably thinks that it's all only like, oh my gosh, that it's all only brown people and all they do is pick berries for her for smoothies.

It's how I imagine slave owners back in the day felt when Abraham Lincoln. Yes, she would. She would fit like perfect and like some kind of like Beaux Arts Plantation Mansion standing on the. She would be standing on her promenade waiting for some lemonade. I mean, good night, Scarlett. Who's going to pick our berries?

Jeez, who's going to pick the berries? She is exactly. That's when I when I think of like slave owners, they think of Jenna Arnold, whoever. I just know her name because it's in the lower third.

He's going to pick the bear. If I honestly I don't know who the black women are on the panel. But the fact that one of them did not slap her. They had to be deep in prayer to not do that because I would.

Wow. That's like one of the most racist things I've ever heard. She said that without an ounce of self-awareness.

But that's the left like the left. Everybody has that that elderly family member that says things without filtering. You're terrified because it's not even what they think. They just say things just to say them crazy. They have no filter as they get older.

I had a gradient. It was like at the end of her 80s, she was like that. And we never knew what she was going to say. Like, she would tell you if she thought your outfit was horrible or if she didn't like your food. She would tell you that it tasted like slop. She she used to not always be like that, but she got like that. This woman's already like that.

And but the thing that compounds it is that she's a giant racist. That's just crazy. Who says stuff like that? Also, can I just talk for a minute about smoothies? I hate them. I don't I don't like baths because it's people's soup and it's nasty. You're sitting in your own dirty soup and that's so gross. Like, who does that? It's gross.

Hate baths. Number one, smoothies. Smoothies are for baby birds and babies, baby animals, babies, period.

It's for people who don't have teeth. Why do you do a smoothie? Just eat the damn berry. You know why people do smoothies? Because they want to be able to put a bunch of crap in there, sugar and all that stuff. And then look at how much sugar is in this stuff.

And then they're like, I'm being so healthy. My smoothie. That's horrible. It's gross. It's like you're just blending all your food together. So anyway, there you go.

I'm this just blew my mind. That soundbite. Well, who's going to pick the strawberries? They're not going to be able to get their smoothies. I thought women were empowered. Go pick your own berries, bitch.

I thought they were empowered. Sorry, I'm under the weather and I just I'm not going to watch my Portuguese. I don't care. Achieving vibrant, youthful skin doesn't have to be complicated. With the power of Native Path Collagen, you can nourish your body from within and enhance not just your skin, but also your hair, your nails by incorporating Native Path Collagen into your daily routine. You can promote a plump, radiant complexion, reduce signs of aging and boost your overall vitality, all without any unnecessary fillers or additives. Native Path Collagen has only type one and three collagen, the most important types making up 90 percent of your body's collagen. No artificial sweeteners, just pure third party tested goodness. Completely flavorless so you can just add it to about anything, your coffee or smoothies, oatmeal or whatever you want. And the best part is that Native Path's peptides formula makes it more bio available.

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Every order includes a 365 day money back guarantee. Don't miss out. Head to get Native Path dot com slash Dana. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. OK, so maybe it's because I'm sick and I swear I'm not getting anyone contagious.

I'm staying far away from everybody. Stephen Cain, do not laugh at me. So this so Super Bowl coming up, it's still the same teams playing, correct? So it's another Super Bowl of the same teams that were playing each other at the last Super Bowl. No, two years ago.

Two years ago. OK, OK. Steve is real quick in there. Not that I'm a fan of either of the teams, but I totally am. So it's Super Bowl. Fifty nine tickets have just plummeted because fans are predicting Chief's fatigue ahead of the Eagles showdown.

So nobody wants to go and see it. Also, somebody said that Patrick Mahomes looks like Darlene Conner from the from Roseanne, the original show. And I can't unsee it now. I swear. I swear.

If you look at Patrick Mahomes and Darlene side by side. I'm trying to keep my voice very even, Kiela, because if I get excited, it disappears. Stop it. I want to start coughing. So you can't unsee it. Everyone out there is dying. Google Patrick Mahomes and Darlene Conner. I promise you it's going to be the funniest thing you see all day.

All right. A Starbucks staff has been given a panic button for laptop lurkers who won't leave this staff. They say it's a clamp down on the open door stance.

It's prompting them to provide training. So these people come in with their laptops and they sit there at the table forever and they don't get up. They don't move. They just keep at the table.

And if the baristas try to move them like people get into arguments, it gets real hairy. It's the weirdest things I've ever seen. But still, scientists are using genetic.

Why? Scientists are having to genetically engineer mice to give them two daddies. This isn't China. I don't believe that they've done this because it's China and they lie about everything.

They've manipulated. They say they've manipulated embryonic stem cells to create lab mice with two daddies that managed to live to adulthood. Although with significant developmental abnormalities, they say it's a noteworthy achievement. You created two jacked up mice. How is that a significant noteworthy achievement?

My thoughts on it are they've done this probably for decades. Is there an award that you get for making jacked up mice? Is that the award that they're going for?

Because if it's a jacked up mice award and they're going for that, you know, I think that might work out for them. So just saying. It's China. Let's see. Oh, Quentin Tarantino condemns the current state of the movie industry. He's been doing this forever, though. He says it's a show pony exercise. Then make more movies, Quentin.

You're only 61 years young. Make more movies. So he keeps saying like, what, the next movie will be his last movie?

If you want to save the industry, Quentin, you're going to make more movies. Don't you leave us now. This Trump calls on Musk.

Oh, this is interesting. So you remember that NASA astronauts that are stuck up in the International Space Station, they were supposed to be there for like, what, eight days? And they ended up being there now for like months and months.

They're not going to be back till March. Trump calls on Musk to bring these stranded astronauts home. The plans kind of already underway. So it was something that Elon Musk was already doing. But now Trump is saying, trying to, I guess, accelerate it. So a man has lost nearly all his fingers in a New York machete attack. Oh, there you go.

We need machete control. Four fingers chopped off while he was walking his dog. He came across another dog walker. The dog began trying to play with the other dog because they're dogs. And then one man's, there was a, they said that one dog was on a lead, the other one wasn't. And then, long story short, somebody got angry, pulled out a surprise machete from inside his coat and chopped the man's fingers off.

Surprised machete. Something I didn't have on my list. We have a lot more coming up. Can I have the onesies audio? Do we, can I have this? I need to hear this.

I'm sorry. I want to hear Bernie Sanders get really mad about onesies in the RFK Jr. hearing. Let me know when we have it because I just need him screaming about onesies to make my life happy. Juan's pulling it up. We are selling what's called onesies. These are little things, clothing for babies.

One of them is titled, Unfaxed, Unafraid. Next one, and it's sold for 26 bucks apiece, by the way. Next one is, No Vax, No Problem. Now, you're coming before this committee and you say you're pro-vaccine.

Just want to ask some questions. And yet your organization is making money selling a child's product to parents for 26 bucks, which casts fundamental doubt on the usefulness of vaccines. Can you tell us now that you will, now that you are pro-vaccine, that you're going to have your organization take these products off the market? Senator, I have no power over that organization. I'm not a part of it. I resign from the board. That was just a few months ago. You founded that. Wait a minute.

Can I just hold up? I want the first part of that on Replay Forever, where he talks about onesies. Because it's hysterical. Can you imagine him selling stuff to a target? They are selling what's called onesies. These are called onesies. The little things for babies.

I weigh them sometimes too. They are selling what's called onesies. These are little things, clothing for babies. These onesies. Hey, forget about it.

Little things for babies. He's mad because he put a Novak slogan on a onesie. But he's not mad that his party is like, oh, you want to slop off your dong?

Go right ahead. Chippity chop. Slap chop. Right? I mean, that's what they make it out to be, like a QVC in and out.

Bernie Three Houses Sanders doesn't seem to care much about that. But somehow the onesies are bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Novak onesies are the big problem. But having the whole idea of cutting off your genitals, if you're cutting off a kid's genitals, because the parent has this like Munchausen's by proxy syndrome.

And that's true. I don't even have any babies, but I want to buy the onesie. Am I the only one that wants to? But you've had babies.

Yeah, I've had babies. Body suits for women are just onesies. They are just bigger onesies. That's exactly it.

I kind of want to buy them. I'm just like, why is he not mad about that? And I'm mad that RFK Jr. didn't respond with that. What RFK Jr. should have said is, well, Senator, if I would have put, you know, schlong no problem, and then a chop like a hatchet or a meat cleaver on there, would that have been more acceptable to you and your party sensibilities? Or breasts, no problem.

And then, you know, a meat cleaver and two boobs. Would that have better suited your party sensibilities? That's what he should have. That's what I would have asked. But I would have asked in more graphic language, using scientific terms, don't think ill of me. I would have asked in scientific terms, you know, would that have pleased your party sensibilities more?

That's what he should have said. What would Bernie have said then? So you're mad about the vax, but you're mad, you're not mad about the chopping off literally of male copulatory organs and female copulatory organs as minors.

Gender experimental surgery unnecessarily as minors, you're not upset about that. What would they have done? They would have been mad. I'm actually madder at RFK Jr. right now because he didn't do that.

Than I am almost at anything at this moment. Because that would have been a million dollar audio sound bite. That would have been a million dollar sound bite, you guys.

Can you imagine, well, I can't do his voice. Well, Senator Sanders, would it have better pleased your party sensibilities if I had a onesie, you know, the little thing for babies, as you said, that showed a penis and a meat cleaver? You know, would you have been happier with that?

You know, to support the gender mutilation, scientific experimentation, whatever surgery stuff. Would you have liked that better? And then just see what he says, you wind him up and then let him go and just let him go. What would he have said to that? He just spluttered. He would have like gestured. I think his hair would have stood up. I don't know.

That's what he should have done. That's that's how you respond to that. That's I mean, can I have the onesie one more time? I got to have it. I can I have that also in my board? I want it on my board here.

Yeah, I'm going to need it. Because he was only what's called onesies, these little things, clothing for babies, onesies, little things, clothing for babies. He sounds literally like a character on The Mighty Boosh.

Pocket Cup. I mean, that's what he sounds like right there. He sounds like he sounds like a character from Mighty Boosh. You know what he sounds like? Hold up, hold up. He sounds like Rich Folter.

You guys know if you've never watched this, it's the craziest show ever. But that's exactly that's exactly who he sounds like. He sounds like Bob Fossil from Mighty Boosh.

You know, you know that. What is he called? The Windy Mover. He can't name any of the animals at the zoo. It's a snake, right?

The snake. It's the long Windy Mover, you know. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. These are the kind of stories that remind us miracles are real. Subscribe to The Miracle Files wherever you get your podcasts and join us on this thrilling journey of faith and miracles.