Absurd Truth: Drone Drama

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. So this one, boy oh boy, this Florida Man was wearing a blue bonnet and a flowery dress and stole 28 cans of baby formula from Publix. He was wearing one of those Little House on the Prairie type bonnets, like Lord Ingalls Wilder would wear. He took 28 cans of Infamil formula, concealed them under his flowery pilgrim dress, $450, and they said it's a man in his 50s. He's also driving around in one of those little shopping scooters.

Look at that, my gosh, Juan's got that. Driving around in one of those little shopping scooters. Now, how do you get, how do you, you, you get away with that?

For real? And they don't know who he is. How do you walk out with that many cans of Infamil? He rode out with it, apparently.

But how do you do it? I mean, you can see just scooting around the store. I guess that dress that he was wearing. The video of him driving around the store in this thing, and it's not really much to watch, but it just, it amuses me greatly with his little bonnet, and he's just putting all these cans in his cart, putting them all in there. How do you get away with that?

Like, that's $450 worth of, I don't know, man. That's just wild to me how, I don't understand how some of these people get away with the stuff they do. Is nobody paying attention? Is nobody watching the front door? Like, what in the world?

Let's see here. This South Florida man is accused of using a barbecue fork in a fatal stabbing. Riviera Beach man is facing a murder charge. Police allege that he stabbed another dude to death Monday evening using a cooking utensil.

Roosevelt Johnson is facing one count each of first-degree murder and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Police investigators identified the victim as John Doe, describing him as a Hispanic male believed to be in his 40s or 50s, and they're trying to confirm the man's identity, notify his family. But it happened before 6 p.m. He was attempting to attack two female relatives with this cooking fork before leaving the family's apartment. He stormed out of the apartment, approached the first random person that he saw, and then stabbed them to death. Promptly.

So, I mean, good heavens. This is crazy. A scumbag Florida realtor had a client taken off life support so they could steal their assets.

What? A Florida realtor was accused of exploiting a hospitalized couple and then taking control of their assets. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood announced the arrest of Jason Valiant, calling him a scumbag of the holiday season. So the couple hired Valiant to sell their property, and he declared themselves their healthcare surrogate power of attorney when they got hospitalized. He signed a do not resuscitate order for one of them who was taken off life support. He drained money from their accounts, willed their home and properties to himself, even took their truck to use, and stole thousands via checks, used their credit card for things like auto detailing, dinner drinks, gas, teeth whitening, attorney's fees. And three properties acquired, they were $1.6 million. He and another realtor were going to develop two oceanfront properties into a large condo complex or hotel, Chitwood said. So he got the other realtor he worked with got charged with two counts of being an accessory after the fact and six figure bond. That's crazy.

And why are people so easily, like, easily, why do they trust others so easily? I don't know. It's, it's, man, male live male live. In addition, I got one. I'm not gonna do that one. No, not doing that one either. We know can we stop put. Every month. I've had to this month.

This is the second one. Can we stop smuggling contraband in very sensitive areas into prison? Like, don't put it in your sensitive areas and don't take it into prison. Because I'm not reading these headlines, no matter how many times you send them to me. I am not going to read about somebody who tried to smuggle a weapon in his butt into the gym. I'm not doing it. I wasn't. I'm not reading the story. I'm not reading the story.

Amber from Florida. Stop sending it to me. Send it this morning with just a smiley emoji in my email. That's what I woke up to. I'm like, no, I'm not reading it.

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In the meantime, can we just go back to these mystery drones real quick? I know we played this earlier, but this is audio and I watched this live when it happened. I was I was watching the program. I saw it's Congressman Jeff Van Drew. And he was talking with Harris Faulkner.

He's out in New Jersey. And what he said, I was kind of passively listening. And then the because I was just expecting the whole drone conversation to follow how it usually goes, right? They don't know where it's from. Maybe it's a hobbyist.

Maybe it's whatever. Then it took a wild turn. I want you to listen to what Jeff Van Drew said here.

This is wild. Now, you know, we know there was a probability it could have been our own government. We know it's not our own government because they would have let us know. It could have been some really glorified hobbyist or hobbyist that we're doing something unbelievable. They don't have the technology.

But let's pretend that's possible. The third possibility was somebody, an adversarial country doing this. Know that Iran made a deal with China to purchase drones, mother ships and technology in order to go forward.

The sources I have are good. They can't reveal who they are because they are speaking to me in confidentiality. These drones should be shot down, whether it was some crazy hobbyist that we can't imagine or whether it is Iran. And I think it very possibly could be they should be shot down. We are not getting the full deal. And the military is on alert with this man alive.

This is wild. Now, the areas that they have been seen over, these weird drones, they've been all over New Jersey. They've been up and down New Jersey. That's Ocean County, Monmouth County, Staten Island, New York. They've been spotted near Picatinny Arsenal military base, the Trump National Golf Course in Bedminster.

They've been near, spotted near Philly, Trent, I mean, everywhere. And remember after. Well, I think it was right before they tried that they tried to say that Trump was almost assassinated. Was it before, right before or right after that they came out that it was unveiled that the Iranian regime had published plans to assassinate him? Was it right before or right after, Kane?

Do you remember? I just it was all right around the time when he got shot. And so we know that the Iranian regime had had wanted him to be killed. I got a lot of questions, a lot of questions over this. So and he says, Van Drew says that the military is on full alert. These should be shot down. And he says that this is coming from the highest levels.

He didn't say where he just said very high, very high sources. The that this mothership that has these drones and he says that's he's saying that's what it is. I can't when he just came out and said that that was such a stunning.

Display of transparency that I. It took me a second, right, Kane? Did you get the idea that he hesitated saying it for a minute? Yeah. Yeah, I got that.

I felt that there was like half a beat there before he just went, look, Harris. And I'm going to just tell you. Yeah.

Right. I don't even know what to think about this stuff, honestly. And you know me. I'm in Conspiracyville, second home there. Lots of tinfoil.

So, you know, I think it's Iran. No, I think it's a possibility. There could be. Have you seen the mothership? I haven't. No, but they're saying that there's one.

Yeah, I'd like to park a destroyer next to it, but not sure where it is. I also don't want Lindsey Graham to be like, well, there it is right there. There's our incentive for war. I don't want it. I don't want him to do that.

I don't want to get Graham all wound up. He doesn't need much to justify every day. Lindsey Graham wakes up and is like, I want to go to war every day. Monday. Oh, I want to go to war Tuesday. What a beautiful morning. I want to go to war every damn day. That man wakes up, stretches, greets the sun. I want to go to war every damn day.

He probably sleeps on bedsheets that says I love war, wraps up with his big I love war comforter, lays his big fat head down on his big fat I love war pillow. You know, I don't want to get him wound up. So I do want to have a little bit of caution.

But at the same time, it's weird, right? The drones all over the size of SUVs and buses and stuff. I'm not going to lie. If I see a drone in my yard, I'm shooting it.

T.F. out the air. Not going to lie. And then I'll deal with South Lake PD after because I know one neighbor won't call one neighbor. One neighbor definitely will.

Yeah, it's easier to get forgiveness than permission. Some damn lashes again. What are they doing? I don't know. But I definitely would. I'd be like, I don't know, officer. I felt threatened. I think that drone had a gun.

Yeah, I can't breathe. I would. I would straight up shoot it.

T.F. out the sky. That's because it'd be weird, right? A drone right over your house, a drone on your property. I don't want I don't like. I don't like that.

I will say a lot of my friends who serve and have served. Nothing really scares them until you start talking about drone fare, drone warfare. Dude, they legit actually are nervous about it because it's so silent. All of a sudden, you know, it comes up and just, you know, it's pretty I mean, we're already kind of there. Really, we're already there. Barack Obama loved drones. He loved drone and Americans overseas. Drone, drone, drone, drone, drone.

I bet Lindsey Graham was all woo like Yosemite Sam finger guns in the air. But these are real. I mean, I really wanted it to be aliens, but I think I'm just we're just going to be all disappointed in the stupid Iranians.

Damn it. Really wanted some alien action here. You know, I just I want I mean, when you said mothership, I'm immediately thinking Independence Day. Like, I really want to punch something. I want to go and fight and shoot at some aliens.

Let's go ahead and go all cod zombies on some aliens. Let's do it. I'm ready. I'm ready. I'm ready. Me hoiny hoi. Right. Who's in? Let's squat up. My gosh.

It would be like a dream if it was actually like an alien or if they tried to red dawn it. Do you know how much gear I have that I can't use yet? Because I have to you know, it's one of those. You know, I say this to make everybody feel better. I have it so that I don't you know, I don't you when you when you you'd rather have it not need it than need and not have it.

That's how I have it so that you don't have to need it. Yeah. But oh, my gosh, if they tried to red dawn some stuff, dude, I already have everything mapped out. Like we already have plans like to protect, you know, like our property.

We already know like we could drill down for this. We can do. I mean, I am so set. It's crazy. And I'm oh, my gosh. Make my day. Like we're the people.

Somebody breaks into their house. We're like. That's us. Do not. Okay. Sidebar. Crazy story.

Because most of you are already mentally halfway on Christmas vacation. So when we first moved in this house, we had had, as you guys know, after Parkland, we went through hell. Like I've never really talked about it in depth, but we went through hell after Parkland and not to minimize like my dear friends who lost children. It was a different kind of different kind of craziness. And we had to have like we legit had to have security set outside. And it was real wild there for a while.

We had somebody when we moved, we had somebody break in our old house and it was it was crazy. So anyway, we had one night it was real cold and it triggered our alarm system. It was like 20 degrees outside. It was really for that time of the year.

It was really a little too cold for that time of the year. And we always do drills in our house and we have cameras everywhere and all that stuff. And so I was dead asleep. The alarm goes off and it's just like you never you never rise to the occasion. You you fall back on your skill set.

Right. And I've I I have since modified, I will say, my response plan a little bit. So we get out. I immediately, you know, I grab my grab my pistol. I think I had my F in at that point.

I think I was using my F and I trade things out all the time. You know, my husband's downstairs. I'm going upstairs where, you know, clearing everything. And when my kids were little, they knew they were there.

If anything were to happen, you hit the bed, you hit the ground, roll under the bed, just roll out of the bed, hit the ground, roll back under. And we went through and cleared everything. And then it was only after, you know, we looked at the video. We're running around in our britches.

It was pretty amazing. So now I modified my response plan to always include first pajama pants and I can jump into pajama pants like foop, like a magic trick. Like a firefighter?

Yes. Midair, like Voltron, like Voltron, like scoop and and then go. Like Volt video or it's not true? I am never posting this video ever. Never posting this video.

But it did happen. And afterwards I was like, hmm, might modify that. If you're looking for a convenient, affordable way to access medications and treatments you can trust, All Family Pharmacy has you covered. Whether it's the flu or parasites, cancer support or general well-being, All Family Pharmacy's online service makes getting the medications you need hassle-free.

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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. So apparently somebody assaulted Nancy Mace in the Capitol, some trans tifa. Can you say trainee or is that a slur? Oh, you just did it. No, I'm just asking for everybody. No, you said it already.

Is trainee a slur? Do I need to be worried about a man coming to beat me because he wants to cosplay as having a vagina but he doesn't have one? Do I need to watch my speech because we live in like 1920s all over again?

Is that how we got to do? Because I've got a lot of nine millimeter and two middle fingers, you know, that says otherwise. Anyway, so someone assaulted Nancy Mace.

James McIntyre was arrested and charged with assaulting a government official. And I guess it was like trans tifa stuff. I mean, nobody says. I mean, there's no greater way to convince people to agree with you with your trans cosplay than to assault the women who are criticizing it.

Great job. That's really going to make everyone go, wow, these people are really coming at this from a position of reason and ration. Let's listen. GM Government Motors pulls the plug on its stupid cruise robo taxi after they invested more than $10 billion in the self-driving business. They deserve the hit. They said that's probably with our tax dollars. They were hoping to make this advanced technology a top priority. They said that they would no longer fund work on the robo taxis. They said it's just $10 billion. $10 billion.

I could have told you before you invested $10 billion that it was a stupid idea. Probably. I'm just saying. Trump, let's see. He's sending Kim Guilfoyle to Greece and Don Jr. has got a new girlfriend in Palm Beach. Oh, very interesting. I don't know why she's the ambassador to Greece. Does she have Greek heritage? Does she? That makes sense if she does, but if she doesn't, why? I don't know.

Anyway, it came out yesterday. There was a lot of gossip on the social media. So she's moving overseas. Very conveniently, moving overseas. You're the ambassador to Greece. That's it.

Yeah, you're going to Greece. Let's see. NBC says that a grenade was found inside of a passenger's carry-on. And because everyone is a moron, it wasn't an actual grenade. It was an inert, drilled-out thing.

That's what it was. Demilled, as they would say. So it's literally one of these things that I have on my desk. Which is actually quite heavy. And this is plated, right? This one's plated. So it's this thing right here that I have on my desk. And the guy got it as a souvenir at a museum. And he was bringing it home. But it was grenade-shaped. So everyone freaks out.

The same people who once confiscated my son's protractor took this inert, drilled-out thing. We've got more in store. Stick with us.

Google has a Christmas campaign. What? It be woke.

Why are people still doing this? Why? Stop it. They've got a campaign of a du- Well, I'm going to just watch it.

I'm sorry. We have to see it. You do too. Watch it.

So try. This winter dryness is not it. Especially when I have so many holiday looks to pull off. Thankfully, I know just the thing. And it's in stock nearby. Hydrated skin is a gift to everyone. No wrapping needed.

Happy holidays to me. What in the world is this vaudeville theatrical thing I just watched? This dude is pretending to be a chick. I find his interpretation of what he thinks a woman to be really offensive.

I don't like saying offensive because I don't give- It's like not a power. But if you were a sexist pig making fun of women and you were mocking how they behaved, that's how you would act. It's like they're mocking women by trying- What woman? What woman? Who does that? Oh my God. Who does that? Dylan Mulvaney. And you sound like a weird Donald Duck-ish kind of thing.

I'm going to really put up the vocal fry. Oh, stop it. Stop it.

So he's wearing women's clothing complaining about his skin. Maybe it's because you're a dude. I don't know. You have balls. I don't know.

Maybe that's why your skin's dry. It's true. Well, Kane, you're objecting to that. But, sir, that's why we're here. It was fine when you said he's a dude.

He didn't have to really go any further. I did because some people need it defined. They don't know what it is. They're like, what is that? I'm like, it's a person with bits.

Okay? Like giblets. They got giblets down there. Get free education on the show. We're all about educating the people. We're generous like that.

We've got a special spot in heaven reserved for us. What woman is going to watch that and be like, yes, that man sounds like he's got some authority on this issue? Do they not know how marketing works? Right.

Or what woman is going to relate in any way to that? Oh, how far should I go with this? Oh, no. What do you mean? Well, marketing. Okay. So.

That look on your face. Yeah. If I'm watching a man try to sell a product to me, a woman, it's not going to work unless it's a car or a gun or a gadget.

Anything else? Shut up. I'm not going to listen to you. There are certain things I know. If you're trying to sell me a food item, no.

And only on certain guns, by the way. You know, like if I'm seeking knowledge on a gun, I'm okay with Orchik. But there's just, if you're a man and you're trying to tell me about skin care, I'm not listening to you. Maybe I will listen to a male dermatologist less than a female dermatologist because she's female. I'm female. Ladies got different needs.

All right. Men can turn 80 and still be hot. Women, it's a little different. That's just beauty standards.

It's just the way it is. I'm not listening to a dude talk about makeup or skin care or hair care or anything like that. That's not selling me.

That is not selling me on anything. What woman watches that dude and goes, oh, yeah, I think I want to try that? Who does that? I don't, I don't, that does not appeal to me as a woman. I don't, I don't find that appealing. Like the fat chicks in the Vicky Secret. I don't buy Victoria's Secret, but I would be, I can't even tell what those clothes would look like on my body. Everything's so like distorted in an unhealthy manner. Morbidly obese manner. No. It's like if I see someone morbidly obese selling leggings on Athleta, which, by the way, why are certain leggings that are used way more material and a certain size the same cost as leggings that use less material and are a different size?

Are the leggings that use less material and of a different size subsidizing the manufacture and sale of the larger leggings that have more material and use more labor? Just, this is where my mind goes. So I can't, I can't see, it does not resonate with me. A dude selling me stuff does not resonate with me. Joe Biden trying to sell me a gun would not resonate with me. Like you don't know anything about guns.

Right? So like you would not watch a baking show hosted by someone who can't bake. For that same reason. It's like going to you for football tips.

It's like asking me about football. Right. Sidebar. Somebody did that. What? They didn't know.

Someone didn't tell. This poor man making small talk. Because you know how you get in a group of people and everybody's talking and my husband's talking and they're, his wife is talking and our other friends are talking, their friends are talking, we're all talking all across conversations. And he's like, so, you know, coming from St. Louis, you know, to Dallas, you know, I guess, you know, you know, we're into the Rams and all this stuff.

And I'm like, well, you know, I can, you know, do 30,000 foot. Then he starts getting into some technical stuff. And I have no idea what's happening. I don't know what is going on.

Like if it was a plane flying and I had a flight to keep it from crashing, we'd all die. I don't even remember what he asked me. It was something technical. And I just looked at him and I go, is that a position? And I could tell very briefly it hit his face. Like he first thought, did I misspeak? Like maybe I didn't.

And then it hit him. No, it's her. She knows nothing about football. It's a deficit what I actually know about football. I think some of the positions are made up. I don't even think they're real.

And I'm not going to pretend to like it. I think you call four or five different plays score downs. Yeah, probably. Yeah, even though there's no score happening. I don't even know which way the hell you run on the field. I don't even know. Like. Dana, who do you think should start at quarterback this week for the Falcons?

That one guy. Open up your betting app. Yeah, there you go. Hurry.

Open up your betting app. She's about to give the answer. Yeah. I don't know. The coldest. Mr. To ever do it.

Yeah, Mr. To ever do it. Him. I don't know.

Where are they at? I know nothing about football. I don't want to know nothing about football. It's okay. We're all different, right?

We're all different. I can tell you about baseball. Can't help you with football. I actually know baseball.

Cannot help. I didn't when my kids were playing. I was like, I don't even know what the hell I'm watching. I'm just like, whatever.

My kids are like, Mom, why? Like my youngest is, you know, he knows that he's, you know, gets into the strategy of it. And he's like, it really is like, I'm like, that's great. You can sit here and tell me it's like chess a million times.

Chess using people. That's great. I still have no idea what's happening.

I even know how he I love that he learned that apart from me. It's great. But I just it'd be like me telling you football. Well, this is who I think you all need to bet on this weekend.

Or this is who you need to root for. If you listen to me, you'd be the dumbest person in the world. I can't even tell you where the Falcons are from.

Where are they? What? Yeah, I don't know.

It's a type of bird. I can tell you that much. And they're probably black and purple. I don't know. Atlanta would like to have a word. I don't know. Why does Atlanta get Falcons? They need something Atlanta-y.

Are there Falcons in Atlanta? I don't know. I'm sure. See, this is what happens when you get outside your skill set. This is why you should not have a dude selling women's skincare. You see how uncomfortable that was? That's how us ladies feel whenever dudes try to get out there and sell us skincare or sell us makeup or morbidly obese chicks try to sell us lingerie at Vicky's Secret.

No, I can't even see some of it on someone. I didn't even feel it fully until you started talking about football. Yeah, see, now you feel it. Now I feel it. Now you know what it's like to be mansplained to by a man cosplaying as a woman telling you about ladies' stuff. Me going, taking you through that valley in football at that low point there, that's what it felt like.

That's what it felt like, y'all. Some people think that I'm pretending at not knowing football, Cain. They actually think I'm faking it. Would you like to just really quickly say that that is not the case, in fact? Yes, that is not the case. It is a legitimate thing.

Yeah, it is. Somebody offered to, they said, you should take an online course about football. And I said, I'd rather gouge my eyes out with used toothpicks from a flu-laden buffet.

I think I'd rather do that than watch a, I'd rather have a gasoline enema than have to watch a thing about football. Sorry, there's just things I don't do. Camping is another. Pretending that you're homeless? No.

No. We invented the house. We invented the house and electricity and I'm not going to pretend. I have very good, I have good girlfriends and family members who love camping. And I love that you love, I love that for you. I love that you love camping.

Not for me. I will go out in nature, I will shoot things, kill it. I will field dress it, I'll do whatever.

But when I go to bed, we're going to have hot water and a soft comforter. That's what's going to happen. We're doing that.

And we're not going to go dookie in a shed that's built over a poo cave. Not happening. Not doing it. Sorry. I draw the line.

Draw the, porta potties are banned. No. Now you guys know. Now you know. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.