Absurd Truth: Vaccinated Meme Manager

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. King. Why did you send me a story? Wait a minute.

Why did you send me a story? I think Steve needs to step in here and take responsibility. About Dana not liking this one because it's a Florida man who was arrested because a dog that he adopted four days prior was found decapitated in a park. Yeah, I said that one too. That was Steve.

Steve, you know I turn into female John Wick. That's why I like it. John Wick was about a dog. That's why I like it.

We all know that, right? John Wick wasn't about gun fu, wasn't about anything else. It was a movie about a dog.

It's the modern-day old yeller. Steve. And then you know what happened, Steve, when I hovered over the link on the rundown? You know what happened?

What happened? A little puppy face popped up. Yeah, I let off with it. Wait, not the decapitated face. Yeah, no, no, not the decapitated one. You guys know how insane I am about dogs, right?

I like them. I think better than people. This guy was, he decapitated a dog he adopted from an animal shelter. Domingo Rodriguez, 66.

Domingo Rodriguez, age 66, of St. Petersburg, Florida. One count of felony animal cruelty. This sweet baby puppy, this, this sweet little bulldog mix was floating in the mangroves and had its head cut off. And they scanned the dog for the microchip. They, they identified him as four-year-old Dexter. And he said, oh, the dog wants to run away overnight.

They're investigating. What I wouldn't give, I would pay $10,000 for 60 seconds in a room with this guy. I would pay $10,000 for 60 sec, I would pay $20,000 for 60 seconds in a room with this guy.

That's like a good fundraiser. I mean, and he can't do nothing and there's no consequences and there's total immunity. That's all I'm saying. I will take care of, I'm just, you don't know, I'm not threatening nothing. You don't know.

Maybe I'll bake a cake of violence. You don't know. I'm just saying. Oh my gosh, these people. Oh, all right.

This, hold up, I'm gonna switch a couple, I got a couple of other ones here. This is a Florida real estate, let's see, okay, Florida real estate broker demands $23,000 commission because a widow broke her leg and the deal fell through. That just sounds like a horrible afternoon. So this widow signed a contract to sell her house, but then she broke her leg, couldn't move, the homeowner refunded the buyer's deposit, released her from the contract, but then her own real estate broker is demanding $25,000 in legal action over a lost sale. I mean, she broke her leg, she couldn't do any, would you stop it?

Why do people got it? Her name's Jacqueline Estrada in Spring Hill and she wanted to sell and downsize and I guess the real estate, they just, you know, the doctor was telling her she needed it because it was apparently a very bad break from what the story says. She underwent hours of surgery, she had her leg broken in multiple places and she underwent hours of surgery and she's got like all kinds of pins and bolts and stuff in her leg and so she had to do weeks of recovery and in-home rehab and her doctor was like, you can't literally move out of your house right now, what are you doing? And so that's, I mean, it really was, aren't there like medical exceptions for this kind of stuff, I would think?

So I just don't know why that agent, I don't know, it was a sad story, I hope it ends happy, I really do. Let's see, a five foot alligator was removed from a 104 year old Florida woman's home. This was in Tampa, Florida. Five foot long alligator was removed, 104 years old, Jacksonville Sheriff's Office. They said they captured the gator with the help of a licensed trapper and the officer, this is hysterical because you can't hear the video very well, but the trapper goes over and the officer's there in front of the gator, the gator starts hissing and slapping its tail around, slappity slap, and the officer was like, oh hey there buddy, hey there guy.

It's just the difference is funny, but they said, yeah, you got to leave the grandmas alone, we're gonna take you downtown. So they took the, that gator was sassy, that was a sassy gator, that's all I know. A Florida car dealership test drive led on a wild chase and a woman jumping in a canal because all these people think that they can get away and you can't, it's not gonna happen. Also, why would you jump into a canal in Florida? Do you want to get eaten by a gator? Right?

That's, I'm thinking you want to be gator nummies, you want to be nummies for that gator, that's what I'm thinking. So this woman, she got arrested in South Florida, she stole a car during a test drive at a dealership, led the police on a wild high-speed chase. Melina Logan, 27, faces several charges, she's got grand theft, aggravated, aggravated fleeing and eluding, resisting an officer without violence, oh my gosh, there's lots of, leaving the scene of a crash, a bunch of other stuff. And she arrived at the dealership, took it on a test drive and when she waited, she, they pulled back. When they returned, she waited for the salesperson to leave the car and she took off. So yeah, but when she tried to get away, she pulled over, got out of the car and jumped into a canal.

They got her before a gator did, you know, because gators are everywhere there. That's just like, why would you do that? Don't.

Why would you do that? And she was stealing a Honda. Our partners over at Hillsdale College, Hillsdale is an actual academic institution. And they want to make sure that people know exactly, you know, all the principles of our Republic and the, the, the founding positions that we had when we were creating this Republic, this grand American experiment. Right now, they, they've noted that there's this like big push, particularly from the left, to change how we elect the President of the United States.

And Hillsdale wants to do something about it. They're having, they're hosting a survey on the presidential selection process. And you can take it today at Dana4FORHillsdale.com. And this movement has been led by super far left, you know, activists that have been trying to do away with the Electoral College.

And 18 states have signed on to overall how presidents are elected. Now the survey on presidential presidential selection is designed to help Hillsdale understand the views of mainstream Americans like yourself on this very critical issue, help them in their future work defending liberty. And all you have to do is visit Dana4FORHillsdale.com. And you start this national survey on the presidential selection process right now. They're not going to take your info.

They're just genuinely interested in what you think about this because they are an actual like educational institution. Dana4FORHillsdale.com start that national survey on the presidential selection today. And by the way, I say to every young man thinking of getting married, marrying a family of five or more daughters.

I did. My wife's the oldest of five sisters. You know why? One of them will always love you.

Not the same one. One of them is always on your side. That's the biggest advantage of marrying a five dollars. That sounds really inappropriate. That sounds pervy. That sounds like daddy showers sniff my kids. That's what it sounds like. Welcome back to the program. That's a Joe Biden.

Is it any wonder that his son like snorts Coke off hookers backsides after you hear cut that kind of stuff. What does that even mean? That's just so awkward. Why?

The quote was, what is this? I'll do somebody in 15,000. Yeah.

If you're getting married, married to a family of five or more daughters who are weak, weak. Ew. Gross, dude. No, stop.

Cringe, vomit. No, he's hiring a meme team. You know those? Do you guys hear about? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I got it right.

I read this story last night. So you got to also, Joe Biden is hiring a meme team. Now, some of you or a meme manager, I should say some of you sweet souls out there like we work for a living. What the hell are you talking about? Okay, so I would you describe it for some of our I know most of you out there know what it is, but I'm trying just give me a second to be sweet to the people who are too busy making the world not spin off into space. How would you describe it?

Kane like images that capture a certain sentiment that I like a visual joke. I don't know. I mean, it's it's I would say it's like a it's a funny like video or text or photo or something like that can't the left cannot Yeah, and it can be and it can be passed all around the internet. And it you know, ends up it's and that's what it is. It's just like a funny joke, basically, and like visual text or video form, right?

That's what it is. So there, Biden wants to hire one. He wants to hire a meme.

A meme manager. This is from the Washington Times, which first reported those. They want to speak the language of youth guys. How do fellow kids? So they threw pot at at millennials and Jen Gen Z.

That didn't work. Now there are what they try to pay off their student loans. Now they think they're going to meme you. They left can't mean though because they don't have you have to have a little bit of self deprecating humor to be able to appreciate a good meme. Because you have to be able to take a joke as well as get it in order to really embrace the meme age.

They can't do any of these things. So there was a job posting that they had. I got it here. There's a job posting that they had where they said they want partner manager content and meme pages.

The Joe Biden for President campaign is looking for a partner manager to join the digital partnerships team. In this role, you will initiate and manage day to day operations and engaging the internet's top content and meme pages. What did you go to school for and go into Six Figures in Death for? To make memes. There are people who sit on the toilet and do it for free. Right? And those are the good ones. Those are the best ones you do. If you're look, look, let me pro tip. If you're trying to hire somebody to be your meme manager, you don't need to be hiring somebody that has two to four years in video media, but you want to work you want to hire someone who can multitask on the toilet. That's your meme manager right there.

We all know this is true. Listen to this the preferred skills and qualifications. You're willing to relocate to Delaware. Oh my gosh, experience in contract negotiation is a plus but not required. What is that? What does that even mean?

Deep expertise of digital media landscape. So that Oh, but wait, wait, wait, do you want to hear the caveat? Would you like to hear the caveat to this job listing? Here it is.

Bring Biden for president requires all employees to be up to date on COVID-19 vaccination status, as prescribed by the CDC as a condition of employment unless otherwise prohibited by applicable law. Mm hmm. You've got to have the clutch shot to mean. Yeah. Like I said, the person that you want to hire for this is the person whose office is there, john. It's their bathroom. Because people who are good at meaning or being funny, they're not like I went to a very serious school and I got my four year degree. It's not that person.

Okay. I can't make fun of this enough. This is so pathetic. I want to bully all these people involved in this. You know, you just find that weak link in society and you got to get it out. So that's that's who it is.

So they're looking for a campaign manager. Now, do you remember the cringe dark Brandon stuff that they did? When he gave that speech in front of the White House and it looked like a linear reefing stall backdrop. And then they try to go No, it's dark brandon and then they try to make it to where he had laser eyes and none of it was funny.

Okay, so that's and they did that after the whole let's go Brandon thing blew up. And none of his stuff ever they they try to explain it too much. I can't stand that I cannot stand when you got to explain to stop.

So they want someone like for instance, this is so bad. Mr. Biden's ex account trolled former President Donald Trump with a meme posted just last week. Really the fact that you write the sentence that way makes me want to die. A million deaths can one cringe to death?

I do believe so. They added to celebrate the Dow Jones Industrial Average cracking the 40,000 mark for the first time in history. The Biden campaign posted a video of Mr. Trump during the 20 debate, predicting the stock market would crash. And then Biden reposted the video from his personal account and added a meme of himself holding holding an ice cream cone serving an L, which means loss to Mr. Trump.

So they still can't meme. I hope that we all get obliterated by an asteroid before this comes to fruition. I mean, I've never wanted to carry out a terrorist attack or you listen to CIA. But if we are now deluged with memes from the Biden campaign, I may get an itching.

Just saying. We've been through enough as a people. We were locked down, right? We had the bat crap virus. And then we all had the clod shotties. So it's like, can we now not have the the meme wars from people who can't meme?

Wars? I don't even know what to make of this. So that's what what do they get paid? That's the thing I want to know. I know. It doesn't say.

So wait, they got their student loans forgiven and they're getting paid for this? Good Lord. Do you want to not be funny on the internet?

Come work for Joe Biden's meme team, sponsored by Insure, Internet Explorer, Crocs, and Lee Bryant. Sorry. That was mean. Can I just point out to wait, you didn't see this. Here's the original posting came.

Do you notice I want you to go look at that original posting that I just gave you in slack. Because when you read about the job description for said meme manager, yes. It is way shorter when you compare to when you compare it to the paragraphs of fine print about blah, blah, blah identity and blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah, sex, race, age, identity, politics, blah. All that stuff is way much more than what you're actually doing. Right.

You're right. Well, it's like, it's like paragraphs and paragraphs of fine print paragraphs of fine print, italicized, you know, I guess, just explanations. But the actual description of the job is a paragraph.

Yeah, it's an paragraph. So he's got a meme manager. What what do you what kind of memes do you think he's going to post about the strategic petroleum reserves? He's releasing a million barrels of gas, because they want to lower prices at the pump.

I mean, yes, you maybe could try to drill more extract more expand refinery capacity, but no, let's go ahead. How do you would you mean this? Let's go ahead and that's that see the fact that you would have to ask that no one who would ever make that joke would ever ask it. That's the one of my favorite meme accounts ever is on Twitter, and it's called midnight Mitch, half of the some of the stuff I can't show you. It is so funny. It's one of those things where you see the stuff that that this dude does. And you just like you, if you go to his account, you can't be drinking no soda.

You know, don't be you know, taking a bite of a snack or something because you'll straight up choked it up. It's hysterical. And I bet you that guy's not like, Where did you spend four years in school learning how to be funny with the videos? So bad. Also, did you notice that one of the other requirements here is the willingness to relocate to Wilmington, Delaware? Yeah, I said that.

I know. But I mean, why would you have to do that? Why would you have for a digital job? Because it's you know, it's a Biden boomer.

This is the administration that was all about remote work. I don't understand what's happening. You can't do the memes unless you're in Joe's basement, Kane. Gotta be able to pet his leg hair. That's where the magic happens.

If you're not there in the basement petting his leg hair like those kids at the pool that he talked about, then are you can you actually come up with the magic to do the memes? I doubt it. I see your point. See my point? It all makes so much sense now. Doesn't it? Everyone out there is going, Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah, that makes sense.

They're releasing those 1 million barrels of gas. Don't we use that in a day? Wait, hold up. Let's Google.

How many? I love radio. I love live television. Oh, my gosh. Uh, wait a minute. Hold up. We're only gonna Okay, he wants to release a million barrels to lower prices at the pump for the whole summer guys. Kane?

Yeah. Radio audience, television audience. Do you know how much gas? How many barrels? How many barrels we use a day? Close to 20. But would you like to know?

I would. The average? Yes. 8.94.

Oh, wow. Million per day. So he's gonna release 1 million. One. This is some Dr. Evil numbers right here. Now that's a meme.

Dr. Evil numbers right there. I'm going to release 1 million barrels. We use 8.94 on average a day per the U.S. Energy Information Administration. An interesting note as well is that each barrel of oil can create 20 gallons of gas. So you just consider a barrel of oil as a tank of gas. That's kind of where we are.

What does that have to do with his hot funny memes? We have we have 150 million drivers on the road at any moment. He's going to give us a million tanks of gas. That's all he's going to do. Yeah.

Wow. So coming up, because we have days of these United States, is it important to you when you are like at your sink, and you're wiping up a spill on the counter? Or maybe you're like cleaning something up, and you reach 40,000 gallons of gas a day, and you're like, oh, I'm going to do this.

I'm going to do this. Is it important for an instrument that aids you in that activity? Is it important for you that the that the product reflect how you have to sex? I'm talking about paper towels, everyone. It's about time that our paper towels affirm how we get it on behind closed doors. Yes.

Yes, it is. Because we got to talk about it because if you're quote, prideful, you got to be inclusive of all the things, including chicks with sticks. So we're going to get into all of that. Well, I saved it up for you. I waited for you to come back from your trip hovering over the dump button is fun today. I just want to get right up to it to where you almost have a stroke and then you don't see I'm like joy. Alright, so we're going to talk about that because if your paper towels are not affirming all of that stuff, are you really drying things up?

cleaning up messes? I don't know. We're going to talk about all of it. It's the world we live in our friends over at Caltech American Company, Florida based great company. They make really awesome firearms over at Caltech. And they employ Americans. I mean, this is such like a this is like such a great.

I mean, it's a great story. Caltech employs 300 Americans, including veterans. They dedicate themselves daily to making incredibly original innovative firearms and very skilled engineers. Now I've talked to George Kellgren before he's Swedish.

He's you know, the American dream. He's based in Cocoa, Florida. And he's you know, they're Florida based, they've all kinds of pistols, rifles, shotguns, accessories, gear, and they continue that game changing innovation and a realizing the American dream and it's such a great company. We've been talking to you about the sub 2k, the Gen 3 sub 2k and all of the other firearms that they make the I mean, we have the wall in the studio that you can see and the Gen 3 which is shipping now if you have the Gen 2 still folds in half, you just don't have to take your optics off for the Gen 3. And there's a couple of other upgrades to it as well light and trigger, lightened action, easy racking ambidextrous bolt hold open, all improved manipulations what it transfer translates to see everything that Caltech has to offer a Caltech weapons.com K e l t e c weapons.com.

Follow them on social media as well tell them Dana sent you Caltech weapons.com. And now all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's quick five. So apparently, the use of marijuana is now outpacing that of drinking. According to a new study is per the Associated Press, millions of people in the US apparently are using the marijuana daily or nearly every day according to a new analysis. They apparently those people outnumber the individuals who say they are daily or near daily alcohol drinkers. And they said that's the first time Carnegie Mellon University they were the ones who did it. They say this is the first time they've seen that one overtake the alcohol. So that's kind of what that's attributable to. They don't actually dive into it in the study, but I do find that interesting. Because I just I mean, I don't know, is it just it's highly cultural.

I mean, extremely cultural. Yeah, because the conversation I remember growing up a conversation was drinking. You don't you don't recover from that. It takes like almost a full day to recover from getting drunk. But from smoking a joint, it takes about an hour or two. They said that research shows high frequency users in terms of smoking pot are likely to become addicted to it. Can addicted to marijuana? Is that a thing? I don't know. Can you know? Look how much about drugs I know.

I'm like, can you become addicted to the pot? I don't know. Let's see a ranking of best cities to live.

I think we should lie about this. Well, they said Naples, Florida is the best city to live in. They said it's right between the Gulf of Mexico, Everglades Collier County and Naples, Florida is number one. Boise, Idaho is number two. They say Colorado Springs is number three.

Really? I don't know. I'm like you go all down Virginia Beach is on the list. They have Austin, Texas is the ninth place to live. Best place to live, which is that's a lie.

So this list is garbage. I don't know. Anybody nobody who lives around in Austin says that they all live outside of Austin. They live like Round Rock and everywhere else.

They don't live in Austin. They just, you know, Pixar laid off 14% of its workforce. Interesting. This is something, okay, how many times have you been told that you have to take fish oil supplements? Everybody's told this. Now they're saying fish oil supplements may increase heart disease and stroke risk.

I know this is what, how many times have you all been told this? Like you got to take your fish oil. They said that because it's rich in the, uh, uh, omega-3 fatty acids, it supports brain and heart health. Now they're saying that, well, we've got some studies and it's yielding some mixed results. They did half a million people, 40 to 69 years of age for 12 years. They said 31% regularly took it. They got a third, they were linked with 13% higher risk of, um, uh, atrial fibrillation or regular heartbeat and others. Interesting. We'll have, that's wild.

Not as shocked as you would be over your paper towels. Cause we're getting ready to go into sin month. Sorry. Pride is a sin. I don't know why people are constantly, and it's not meant, they don't mean it like that. It's not even meant to be like proud of who you are. It's do you bend an E?

Is this a brand that's going to bend an E to DEI? And it doesn't even have it to do with alphabet people anymore. It is just that it's the Marxist substitute for the, the, uh, economic status.

It's Marxist cultural nonsense. So bounty, they have inclusive paper towels. I don't even know what this means. So, uh, I don't know why that's important, but it is. I mean, they, they, the packaging shows some women cartoon women on the paper towel. So they wait, they put women on the cleaning item, right. To mark their exclusivity or inclusivity.

I don't even know. So they said that it's bounty prints doing some good. They're inclusive-ness or whatever.

They have a whole thing on it. They have, uh, celebrations of diverse artists representation. So I guess this is supposed to be somebody's art on a paper towel. And have you seen the art that's on the paper towel? I don't know. I mean, it looks like just like little marker squiggles.

I don't know what it's supposed to be. It looks like, just like doodles. They have way too much time into this. So they have, they have all these multicultural prints.

And I guess, look at this, look at this link, Kane. Uh, eight female artists. So it's a bunch of white chicks with their drawings, their doodles on paper towels. Okay. Then they have visionaries and voices, theirs.

Then I don't even know who some of the others that they have are. I don't get this. Why do you even have to do this? Why? What's the point of it?

Thoughts, Kane? Uh, I guess if I were to buy a roll of these, I'd smile every time I threw one away. Like this one chick has drawn squiggly lines on the paper towel, right?

Right. And I'm going to, it's just squiggle lines on the paper towel. I don't know. I mean, I'm, I'm not an artist, but I'm pretty sure I could do this. And it says, her gives her name and they, this is how they describe it. Known for her layering of color and patterns. Venezuelan illustrator is influenced by her culture and experiences as an immigrant in the US because she can draw lines differently than you can, Kane, because she came from Venezuela.

You didn't. Yeah. I guess Venezuelans just draw lines differently. There's a joke there.

Uh, but not Eric Adams style. See what I'm saying? And then they have this one guy who draws on paper towels. I don't understand how any of this is. Like there's one chick who does stars.

She just draws stars. What is this even? I just, it's like too much out of nothing.

It's like a macaroni necklace. Yeah. And then you put it on a paper towel that someone just uses to wipe up like spilled stuff and then trashes it. Yeah. And throw it away. Yeah. Do you not see how over the, how it becomes insulting because it's so patronizing, right? Right.

It's ridiculous. I just want a paper towel that works. Yeah. Just does it absorb things? Well, look at the colors on it than the lines. And I don't want to think those colors are going to bleed onto my counter when I'm wiping something up. Did it look like it took a long time for these people to draw these things? The art on the paper towels? No. They're like pre-selected patterns in like Photoshop and stuff and different programs. You can just copy and paste it right onto some template. Yeah.

Literally looks like clip art. Yeah. I just don't get, I mean, it's a paper towel. Like why do you got to be included?

Why do you got to be any, what are you going to be? Were they ever exclusive? That was my question. At what point were just plain paper towels exclusive?

Like I never got that. I, I was someone, did someone like try to buy their paper towels and go, wait a minute, these aren't for me. Like did the paper towel manifest a hand out of the packaging, slap them away as it was trying to pick up, they were trying to get it off the shelf.

I don't know. I'm just, I just like, this is why when you make things stupid, this is what happens when you make things dumb. This stuff happens. This is what happens. Oh man.

You guys, we haven't even gotten near June and already the dumb is starting. Everything's going to be rainbow. Everything.

Your mouthwash, your tampons, your hand soap, your paper towels, your goldfish crackers. Everything is going to be rainbow. Everything is going to have to affirm something. It has to. I don't know. I'm it's all weird to me. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's absurd truth podcast. If you haven't already made sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.