Absurd Truth: VP Downfall

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast. Sponsored by Kel-Tec.

It's his life mission to make bad decisions. It's time for Florida Man. Y'all, what have we told people about bodies of water in Florida?

What have we told them? It's going to be a gator in there. I don't care if it's a puddle that's the size of a dime. There's a gator in it. A 34-year-old man was rushed to the hospital because he went for a swim in a Florida lake and guess what? An alligator bit him in the face. Bit him in the face. And Hillsborough County Fire and Rescue transported the man. They didn't identify him.

They just said he had injuries and he was taken to the Tampa hospital. But that's like, I'm telling you this, got to be careful this stuff. How do you get bit in the face though? Were you just like, do you not see it? Does not see it coming to you?

I don't know how that happens. This, um, really, a man was stopped at Miami International Airport with snakes in his pants. I mean, we've all joked.

I mean, we have. Is that a snake in your pants or you just know it is a snake officer. It's an actual physical snake. They said that they detected a literal bag of snakes in this dude's pants and they turned them over to Florida Fish and Wildlife. I mean, I don't even. I get weird about putting certain things in my pockets, much less like having like a bag of snakes in my.

They turn them over to Florida Fish and Wildlife. And earlier we had the story last week where a dude tried to get a machete through security. So, yeah, you don't don't bring. And it was in this.

They were in a sunglasses bag. Mm hmm. I literally.

Oh, you can't see my arm, but I legit got chills from that. I just. Oh, well, all right. Moving on. I don't like anything in bags and pants like that. Like this.

No, just future politicians. A Florida man was accused of flinging hot coffee at a McDonald's dry through employee because he was overcharged by one cent. Eliezer Ravello was charged with felony battery and accused of slapping hot, slapping hot coffee.

I work this out how this works in my head. Slapping hot coffee at an employee. So I guess he slapped it in somebody's hands. The shift manager said that Ravello was upset because he was overcharged by a penny and he burnt, apparently scalded the employee's arm and chest.

The 64 year old was charged with felony battery. And they. Yeah.

So he was on surveillance. 64 year old goes into what you say all the time. Old people are not innocent.

That's not what I say. I say not all old people are innocent. I know I was saying that a Florida. OK, a Florida man who was taking photos of property that he wants to buy was beaten to a bloody pulp by a guy with a broomstick. Said police St. Petersburg property. They don't give the identities, but they said that he was he was he was bludgeoned by this dude. I guess it was a property owner nearby. And of course, that guy was taken in for assault.

They didn't they didn't give the identities of the guys. But you do have to be careful with that kind of stuff. Like you can't just like just, you know, just be mindful because other people are very you know, they're mindful of property. And it does look weird if you're out, you know, in the neighborhood and you're just randomly taking pictures of somebody's house. It does get weird.

Let's see. They've they have been at sea. You guys remember the boat photo of people dumping trash? They were illegal. They were juveniles engaged in illegal trash dumping.

They turned themselves into the authorities on Friday. Florida Fish and Wildlife had launched this investigation because they got tons of complaints. It was a viral video which they were dumping mounds of trash. I mean, I didn't even know there was that much trash on the boat, but there was apparently.

And it was a lot of like red solo cups. It was a boca bash. They were a boca bash and they filmed this boat dumping two trash cans full of garbage in the ocean and they got in trouble and they turned themselves in. So at least they turned themselves in.

But still, like you can't do this. And a Florida man is suing over an E-game. We're going to have this tomorrow because this guy, it's an esports immigration video game fight. Stick with us. We got so the Sub 2K with Kel-Tec. I don't know if you've I mean, you should have, you know, checked this out.

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Music Person, let's talk first. We don't want to talk about a lot of topics that you address in the book. But the book is called No Going Back, but it sounds like the publisher Center Street is going back on a couple of the details in the book. I don't believe so. Specifically, when you write in the book, I remember when I met with North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un.

I'm sure he underestimated me. That, as I understand, is now being removed from the book at your request. Yes. And I became aware of that.

We changed the content and the future additions where we adjusted. And, you know, I appreciate that. I've met with many, many world leaders.

I've traveled around the world. I should not have put that anecdote in the book. And at my request, they have. That didn't happen. I'm saying that I'm not talking about that meeting. I'm not talking about my meetings with world leaders. But you do talk about meetings with world leaders. There's some that are in the book and then there's some that's not in the book.

Many of them actually. But why are there two specific mentions of meeting Kim Jong Un and talking about him and a specific memory? I'm sure he underestimated me having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants. Did you tell your ghostwriter to write them? I specifically have worked on policy for over 30 years. And over that time, I have traveled around the world and I have met with leaders around the world. And that anecdote, I've asked them to change the content and and it will be removed.

It's a simple question. Did you or did you not? That's that's that's the answer that I have for you is that I'm it will be adjusted. And as soon as I became aware of it, that I am dying to death because that is so hard to watch. Oh, my gosh. That was Governor Kristi Noem. We told you this last week that in her book, what is it called? The gravel pit, my career, how I killed it in the gravel pit that she wrote in her book, she included in her book. Now, after she writes about she tries to have this like weird flex where she writes about shooting her puppy. Then she says that she stared down Kim Jong Un and her own staff was like, yeah, that didn't happen. And that got out into the press. And so then she goes on CBS. You didn't.

That's as much as you're prepared. Girl, you're crumbling under pressure and it's pressure that you created because you lied in your book. Why would you do this? This is such a disaster. Who is her public?

Central Street. Do they hate her? Do they hate her? Because that's what you do to somebody. If you hate them, you put a bunch of steam, you celebrate, you encourage them to put all this nonsense in their book. And then you go, yeah, yeah, go out and do.

Let's excerpt this part and go out and do all the press on it to hype your book. And then you send her out there and she's just mauled. She's just mauled on the Sunday morning show with like some D list anchor.

I don't know who that lady is. Oh, my gosh. And it took three and there were all three sitting there and they were just like, yeah, we're watching your career die.

Yeah, we're watching your your VP hopes and dreams just crash and burn into the gravel pit that you created right after cricket. That's where your career went. Oh, my gosh.

That's so uncomfortable to watch. Oh, but it got worse. And by the way, what she's mad that everyone's talking about this, these anecdotes that she says in the book. But she's the one who put them in the book. She put them in the book because she wanted everyone to talk about them.

But she only wanted people to talk about them in a way that she wanted them to talk about them. She wanted everybody to be like, oh, my gosh, you're so tough, Governor Noem. Girl power. You're so tough.

You're so hardcore. Flex harder, queen. They wanted that. She wanted that. She wanted that response.

And she didn't get that response. So now she's mad about it. And now it's everyone else that's talking about it and hyping it up.

Cain's just dying. But it is, you know, it's now she doesn't like the way everybody's reacting to it. So now everybody has a problem and they're all picking on her and she's that victim. Oh, my gosh. Me, too. And then it got worse because there's more.

Oh, yes, it did. There's more of this. This is this is. Oh, yeah.

Audio 718. You talk multiple times about it. In fact, at the end of the book, you say the very first thing you would do if you got to the White House, that was different from Joe Biden, is you'd make sure Joe Biden's dog was nowhere on the grounds.

Commanders say hello to cricket. Are you doing this to try to to look tough? Do you still think that you have a shot at being a VP? Well, number one, Joe Biden's dog has attacked 24 Secret Service people. So how many people is enough people to be attacked and dangerously hurt before you make a decision on a dog? And well, he's not living at the White House. That's the question that the president should be held accountable to. You're saying he should be shot?

The president should be accountable to is what is what is the number? And I would say about Republicans criticizing me. These are the same Republicans that criticized me during covid. You mean when you try to lock your state down, but your state legislature stopped you? Those Republicans are when you wouldn't sign the bill to protect women at women's sports.

You mean those Republicans that were criticizing you? Look, I'm not trying to be ignorant, but have you seen Kristi Noem six years ago compared to the Kristi Noem now? With like the longer I don't know if they're extensions, her face is different, everything's different. I'm just saying she's trying way too damn hard and it's cringe. Stop it.

I get it. Either she's trying to be a real housewife of D.C. or she thought that that was going to be her glow up and that was going to that was all part of her makeover to go and get into the vice president's office. But what she failed to do in her effort to have this glow up is she failed to have a glow up to her actual voting record. She was a moderate when she was in the House.

Go and look at her. There are a ton of other Republican lawmakers when they served in the House of Representatives that had a way more conservative record than she did. And she's a moderate governor that's trying to retcon history and gaslighting everybody into thinking that she's actually conservative.

And she's not. She almost shut her state down, had it not been for the Republican state legislature that stopped her and overrid her. She would not protect women in women's sports for men cosplaying as women who wanted to compete with women. In fact, she she wouldn't sign it. She vetoed it.

And then they came back with it with a different bill. So this I mean, she flexes on all the wrong stuff. She's flexing on her puppy and then she doubles down on it. Later in the book, acting like she would have done the same thing to command her that she did to cricket.

So that right there is your evidence that she actually thought that that was a smart idea to include something like that in the book. But she's flexing on the stupidest stuff. And maybe she's flexing on the stupidest stuff because she doesn't have anything else to flex on. She can't act like she's Ron DeSantis. She can't act like she's even Brian Kemp because she doesn't have that conservative of a record. She is a moderate at best who's playing on the ignorance and the unfamiliarity that American voters at large have with what she has done previously. And she's trying to make herself look like Sarah Palin 2.0 except Palin actually had kind of a conservative record. Whereas no one does it. And Palin didn't do all that stuff to herself.

Whereas no one did. I'm not trying to be ignorant, but at some point you've got to stop going to the doctor's office. You know what I mean? Stop. Just lay off it. I mean, when everybody starts looking indistinguishable and they start looking like the same inflated Real Housewife of whatever zip code, then it's a little too much.

And I just think it makes Republicans look bad, especially when you're trying so hard for higher office. No one else will say it. So I will say it for you because I know you're all thinking it. I mean, I'm glad at least the you know, I don't know. You do you.

But at the same time, be able to move your face. No one. See, guys can't say that.

I'm the only person in commentary that can say it because I'm a chick. So you know what, though? I would not be. I'm still nowhere near as indestructible as Tim Scott would be if he ends up being the V.P. pick. So you think he's going to be V.P. picking Tim Scott?

Well, Steve was talking about that on the break, and I agreed because think about the V.P. is the president of the Senate. He is a former senator.

He checks at least a couple of boxes. Conservatively is not in Florida, number one. And I think that, you know, of all the people in I guess in the running, there's a couple of governors that look pretty good. But I don't know.

It seems like Tim Scott could be at the top of that list. Yeah. I mean, I don't. To me, if you're a conservative, I mean, if you vote the way I want you to vote, I don't care if you have two heads. If you if you if you're like, I'll abolish the IRS and also protect your Second Amendment rights by getting rid of the A.T.F.

and, you know, protect life and liberty, et cetera. OK. You have three heads. OK, great. I don't care.

You have two arms and three heads. Wonderful. I don't even care. I don't care.

I don't care. I just just come out and just, you know, I'm just saying I'm not saying he is, but I'm just I hear I hear rumors from the same people that like rumor over the craziest stuff. But my point of bringing that up is how unbelievable he would be like a boss in a video game.

You can't defeat him. He would be like an undefeatable boss because he would check so many things. He would be black if he would. Well, Republican kind of cancels that out, right? Isn't that what Democrats say? Yeah, because no matter what you are, if you're Republican.

What do they call Byron Donalds? Like you had you had white progressives calling him Uncle Tom. They call them all kinds of racist things. The left can be racist. But if you're black and gay, does that two of those neutralize the one? How does that work?

I'm sorry. In the political identity of a Republican. If you're a gay black Republican, does it cancel out what the progressives say is like race trading or whatever? Sure.

Wish it did, Dana. But being a Republican, unfortunately, cancels out every other identity that you have. Who is there?

Who is there an expert on this? Like DEI stupid stuff? I'm just going by it. Yeah.

What is the math on that? But yeah. Isn't it like fantasy football or whatever you all do?

What? Do you do fantasy football? Steve does it, don't you?

I've done it before, but what is it? Yeah. OK, so I would just think like two of the boxes would cancel out that one criticism, right?

Yes. In the logical, nonpolitical world, you're absolutely right. I don't know where fantasy football comes from. Well, I'm just thinking like your fantasy football brackets, like, you know, how you have I'm just I'm I'm in my head. It makes sense. I'm looking at it visually, like all the political identity stuff like this political identity battles this one. And then who wins out of, you know, for fantasy football totally works. Like obviously, if you're a woman, that's considered an identity politic that's valuable if you're a Democrat.

So it's like how Debo Samuel is also a receiver and a running back. Is that what you're saying? Oh, I see. Sure. Depending on. Yeah. Which side of the ball is a flex position?

You can use it both. They get points. Yeah, sure. Like that. Yeah. Like two like two powers.

I love how he just got that. Oh, that's like, you know, say something smart about football. So it's like whack that. Yeah.

Kind of like what? Not really. It's more understand.

Actually, no, you're right. Whack that's super understandable compared to how the left deals with identity politics. I'm saying is like if so if you're a woman, Democrat, you're a woman, then that according to the left, that's an identity political win, like an ID, a political ID.

Right. But if you're a trans. Wait, a dude who pretends to be a woman, trans man, or is that a trans woman?

I don't even know. It's trans woman if you're pretending to be a woman. So if you're a fake woman and you're so a man pretending to be a woman cancels out. It's like rock, paper, scissors. Right. So the trans the dude who's pretending to be a chick will cancel out the woman. Right. So she's she's scissors and he's rock. Good God almighty.

This is not going great. But I'm just trying to like illustrate a point here. Yes. So if you are black and gay and you're a Republican.

I think you'd have protection in the world. What is their new element in the rock, paper, scissors identity politics game? What? I just feel like that makes you indefatigable.

You know what I mean? You're like a Voltron of political identities. Like you're you're a dead, burnt lesbian or you're a one armed.

You're a Republican, one armed black, gay, trans right. Pirate. Yeah, I get it.

Who's two spirited. That's a lot. I mean, you've fashioned all that up and you're like a whole boss. Yeah. And you can't even criticize them for anything or else you're just going to be a bigot on all those identities. It's like a chimera of different political WTFs. That's what it is.

So it's like the more you have, I would think that that would beat it. Just saying, like, yeah, well, you don't think you think our black Republican is a race traitor? Well, he's also gay, you bigot. I mean, just, you know. And then the left is like, oh, but how does that work?

He proposed to his girlfriend in January. I'm just by the way, I'm assuming this strictly for, you know, like strategy with identity politics. I'm right along with you. I'm right along with you. I just think that the way the climate is and the way it's been for a while is that if any one of your labels is Republican, that is the only one you're allowed to have.

You cannot have any other identity under that. If you're Republican, you're just automatically evil and bad. And even if you're gay, one armed pirate with a limp, dead, burnt lesbian, that too, it won't matter because you're Republican. Gosh. OK, so that's not fair. You can't have no, it's not fair. You can't you can bet not Republican. If you're a Republican, it cancels out all your other identity politics. The left doesn't get to make up their own rules. True.

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So, again, how could America run short on it? Antibiotics come from China and India. And if you or a family member gets sick and there's no amoxicillin, now what? So that's why I have a medical emergency kit from the wellness company. I've used it for strep before. It comes with amoxicillin and it's in your kit now when you need it.

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And now, all of the news you would probably miss. It's time for Dana's Quick Five. Well, monkey pox keeps going up. They keep...

I can't even get the sentence out and Juan's already over there like giggling. He's already... Monkey pox cases have spiked in New York City. They say now that they're averaging dozens of cases a month. Dozens of cases a month. Now, you're not supposed to call it monkey pox.

You're supposed to call it that Hanson song. Anyway, monkey pox, which is... it's an STD. It's an STD that is predominantly in a dudes plus dudes type of scenario. If you get my drift. And they said that they've been averaging since October 36 cases a month, which is a spike that it went from 2 to 20 cases per month and then now it's at 36 cases per month. Because people won't stop being skanks.

So stop being skanks. That's just... there's your... the more you know. This vehicle apparently crashed into a White House gate, killing the driver. Secret Service says no threat. I mean, unless, you know, they were outside there by the gate.

That's kind of still scary. It was a vehicle traveling at a high rate of speed. It crashed right into the White House complex late Saturday, killing the driver, according to U.S. Secret Service. They said it was a barricade just before 10.30 p.m. That's where the car crashed. They said security protocols were implemented. Officers cleared the vehicle. They rendered aid. And they said that was pretty much the end of it. But it's still being investigated. It only is a traffic crash.

The first... oh my gosh. I ignored this headline for the longest time. This furry convention.

Do I really want to do this? It is the sixth largest furry con in history. And it was at... apparently in Seattle. And apparently the event went off the rails when someone loosened a bolt on one of the toilets and it flooded. And then in addition to that, apparently there was drink and drugs and complete... and it was bad. It was bad. It was people dressed up as animal costumes and they... it was just horrible. Everything, every bit of debauchery you can think of, it happened. It happened there. So now I don't think the hotel wants to host furry con anymore.

Yeah, I don't think so either. This... Sadiq Khan was re-elected mayor of London and the latest win for the Labour Party. He was re-elected.

Yeah, I know. I was looking at the vote breakdown of this. The two terms... They say he's center left. He's a straight up socialist. He's a British-hating socialist. He's the first three-time winner by a clear margin than some of his supporters had ever predicted. Labour Party, which is the socialist party, essentially.

That's what it is. They call it Labour, but they're socialist. He was first elected. He was from the main opposition Labour Party. He was initially elected to the post in 2016.

Now he's won three consecutive terms. So that's the latest. And then, now they've been using... There's people who've got a hangover. They've been doing vitamins and mineral drips for them.

It's the IV drip. This has been going along in popularity for the past 10 years, so this isn't anything new. Not my thing, so I'm going to keep this short like Gronk's bus. Actually, let me get into this real quick. It pisses me off.

I flew all the way out here, and you guys give me 60 seconds? My name is Dana. Is that not trans enough for you liberal f***? As Dana White at the roast, the Tom Brady roast, which all those roasts seem awkward.

They do, right? Welcome back to the program, Dana Lynch with you. Bottom of this third hour. That was Dana White, UFC. They gave him 60 seconds. You're going to bring out Dana White and only have him talk for 60 seconds?

It's kind of lame. I don't understand the point of modern day roasts. Back in the day, I wasn't alive, but I watched rebroadcasts of it. But they had the Rat Pack, right? Yeah, the Dean Martin roast.

Yeah, they do the Dean Martin roast. And you know why it was so funny? Because all those dudes were friends. All those dudes knew each other, and they were funny, and they were friends. And I mean, I watched, there's a couple of them I watched, and they roasted their other friends. And they were all out there just dying.

Like, my favorite was watching Sammy Davis Jr. fall out every time. That man was crying. Dean Martin, who I don't think I read didn't really drink it. He just kind of acted like he was sloshed.

Oh, dude. He was sloshed. No, I read that it was kind of like a thing.

You may have read that. Who was the guy, who was the comedian who his whole shtick was, he was totally drunk and barely, like could barely talk. He went up. I can't remember. It was a roast of somebody. It was, um, I cannot think of the comic's name. But he went up and was like doing a bit about the dude's wife and how he was kind of having an affair with the guy's wife.

It was just so funny. Jeff Ross? No, no, that is older than Jeff Ross. This is Rat Pack stuff. Oh, Rat Pack stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like the old ones because these are lame. These are so stupid. Nobody. They're a bunch of people that get up and they have, they don't know each other. They don't hang out with each other. Do you honestly believe that Tom Brady and Kim Kardashian and Jeff Ross all hang out?

No, they don't. And Dana White, they all just hang out. They're all buddies. My favorite part of the Dean Martin roast was that Don Rickles got through. Don Rickles.

That was the one. I watched the roast of Don Rickles. And it was this dude who got up, this old dude, he had white hair and like white hair, like Santa, fake Santa beard white. Like it was tufted. It was so white. It ceased being hair. It was just like poof. And he gets up and he was like, and it was a whole thing. It was like a whole put on. But he was so funny. They were hysterical. And that's what they all knew each other and they all had that camaraderie.

You don't have that with this. It's just very clinical. And they're like, okay, you're the comedian. So you host and you're the pop culture, whatever person in pop culture and you're the athlete.

And you're it's just it seems cold and impersonal, doesn't it? I don't like them. I never watch those. They're all lame. They're all so lame.

And it's only their the shock value is the only thing that's actually increased. It hasn't been like they don't even write their own stuff. Yeah, exactly. You don't think Kim Kardashian wrote her own jokes?

No, you don't. Jeff Ross probably also had a ghostwriter. I don't even know. And you can tell that they don't like it. You can tell that they don't hang out because there was at one point when Tom Brady got up, he made a joke.

Tom Ross, Jeff Ross made a joke about Kraft and Tom Brady got mad about it, like in the middle of it, went up and stage whispered right by the mic, like knock that blank off. Don't do that. Don't do that. Yeah, yeah.

Don't do it again. Don't say that blank again. And went and said they don't even know each other well enough to. So it's just impersonal and it's weird and it just seems who would watch that? It's like a humiliation like thing for some of these people, like they almost like a ritual. It's weird. And who is even all at this roast? I don't even know. I had no interest in watching it all whatsoever.

I don't know. Tom Brady didn't even look like he liked being there. Jeff Ross, I don't even think like being there. They had like a couple of people. Bill Belichick was there.

And then I don't know. Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart's funny. But do I actually think that he hangs out with Tom Brady? No. Kevin Hart is, I think, one of the funniest comedians right now.

He is hysterical. But do I actually think they hang out with Tom Brady? No, they don't hang out. This is so stupid.

This is what I hate. It's like, let's just go ahead central casting. Let's go ahead and pick celebrities to roast Tom Brady. So Kevin Hart hosted it though. And who else?

Jeff Ross. I don't even know who all the other people are. There's some other guy that I've never seen before.

You had Rob Gronkowski who was there. Okay, I get it. But that's it. There's only like a few of them that hang out.

And that's, you know, this is, it's dumb. Nobody watches that. Nobody's gonna watch that. Those are people that are gonna watch a skibbity toilet, like we were just talking about on Break. Don't watch this. Like two people out in our audience knew who that was. Thanks for tuning into today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth Podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.