Absurd Truth: Jeff Goldblum's Fatherly Advice

Dana Lashes of Sir Truth Podcast, sponsored by Kel-Tec. It's his life mission to make bad decisions.

It's time for Florida Man. I know this one's an old one. But this was sent to me actually just an hour ago by a listener.

This is an older story, but somehow we miss this. You should not get arrested for it. Or try not to put yourself in like Anthony Wiener, right?

Do not send schlong pics to people when your last name is literally Wiener. And like this woman, don't get arrested for crystal meth possession. When your name is Crystal Methven. It is WFLA, a Florida woman who was arrested on charges of crystal meth possession. And her name is Crystal Methven. V-I-N. Legal literal name.

She had drug charges at least 14 other times. Why? If I'm Mr. and Mrs. Methven, I don't I think I'd choose a different name than Crystal. See, this is why parents named name your kids something that makes them shoot for the stars.

Not Crystal Methven. Like the guy. Steve, who's the guy the football kid? His name is literally the coldest to ever do it. Like that's what I mean, if you're then you got to be like somebody hardcore.

You got to be like a professional athlete. Right. Does he play college ball now?

Or he just get drafted? See, what do we tell you? That's what you don't name them.

Crystal Methven, right? If your last name is Wiener, change it. Okay, super simple. Your kids will thank you. Your grandkids will thank you.

America will thank you. A man was illegally dumping tires and decided to also illegally shoot at an alligator while illegally dumping tires. People still dump tires. Is that a thing?

Still? Okay, well, and oh, also he was on private property. He was doing all the illegal things all at once. And he got caught by Florida Fish and Wildlife because wildlife those game wardens are everywhere. They're in the bushes. They're under your car.

They're watching you all the time. 40 year old dude facing criminal charges. He was dumping tires on a private area. He went through the gate and around a no trespassing sign. And there are already about 1000 tires in the area.

He I don't I don't know how long you've been dumping them there. And then apparently, he started firing shots at a gator. And he got caught because they're always the game wardens. And so he had littering, no tracking agent license, no vehicle registration. He had open alcohol and the motor vehicle drugs and all kinds of stuff.

Yeah, and trespassing. How is it possible that America could run short of amoxicillin? Amoxicillin is like the Swiss Army knife of antibiotics because it treats so many different types of infections. Doctors prescribe it for ear, nose, throat infections, it treats lower respiratory infections, sinusitis, which I've had before, skin infections, UTIs.

So again, how could America run short on it? Antibiotics come from China, China, and the United States, China and India. And if you or a family member gets sick, and there's no amoxicillin, now what? So that's why I have a medical emergency kit from the wellness company. I've used it for strep before. It comes with amoxicillin.

And it's in your kit now when you need it. So this is not a first aid kit. It's like an urgent care in your house with essential prescriptions. And it comes with those essential prescriptions to treat over 39 medical issues. It's doctor prescribed antibiotics for infections of all types like strep throat, pneumonia, UTIs, bronchitis, so much more. Plus you have a doctor's guide so you know exactly when and how to use each prescription. You've got your medications, no waiting to see the doctor, no lines at the pharmacy, every home should have at least one medical emergency kit. So order yours online in minutes, and they'll rush it to your door. Get 15% off at TWC.health slash Dana and use promo code Dana.

That's promo code Dana at TWC.health slash Dana. I wanted to switch total gears. And I wanted to touch on this Jeff Goldblum quote. I like Jeff Goldblum. I don't know that he's ever been super political. He did this interview where he was talking about his two kids that he has. He I think he has other kids. This is his third wife.

And he's got two kids with his third wife. And he says that they should not grow up expecting a windfall. He said he said he already told him pretty much that quote, you know, you got to row your own boat. End quote.

He said that he wanted to teach kids to be self-sufficient and value the knowledge that they'd made it on their own and said, I'm not going to do it for you, blah, blah, blah. Can I be honest? You're a liar. Liar. Row your own boat.

I don't demonize. What is the point of working hard and having money for your family? So that if you want to live a certain way, if you want to do certain things, then you can do those things. That's why you work, right? You work because you pay bills, you want to have a place to live, you want to be a lawyer, you want to be a lawyer. You want to be able to eat, you want to be able to afford some things.

I get it. I don't look down on people who want to leave money for their kids. I don't think that it negates your ability as a parent to teach kids to be self-sufficient.

I feel like that's a very communist narrative. That somehow if you leave your kids any money, or if you give them any money, or if you assist them in any way, that you are not allowing, you're not teaching them to do things on their own. What in the hell is the point of working hard if to not make it to where the next generation doesn't have to have it as hard as you do? I grew up poor as all get out. All these people that talk about poverty.

I know it sounds probably insufferable how I say it. But I'm like, I didn't even know poor. Like I was poorer than poor. I was like, about a statistic. If my mom hadn't worked three jobs, I'd be a statistic. So it's like I, I know how hard it was, and how rough it was. I mean, it wasn't just we couldn't afford luxury items.

We couldn't afford some basic everyday necessities. And I always wanted to work hard because I never wanted to have to worry about that. So I, I made sure that I wanted to have that work ethic.

And I don't think that that wanting to provide for your kids means that you also are somehow compromising an ability to teach them a work ethic, or how to or cultivate that within them. I don't get that, right? It's kind of like what he seems to be seeing. I always feel like people are patting themselves on the back when they say that. And as though they should get like some kind of an award. Okay, well, good for you.

Okay. And if you really believe that having your kids grow up more comfortably than you did means that you are somehow unable to cultivate within them a work ethic, that looks like a shortcoming on you, not a statement on class. Or the, you know, economic reality of stuff. I just don't get that. I also like what Steve Harvey said, because Steve Harvey is like, Well, if there's money left over, I'm gonna spend it on me and your mom. He's like, but if there's money left over, then you can have it.

I think that's funny. Like I, I mean, I also think that parents work for themselves. And if you want to spend your money, how you want to spend it, then you don't have an obligation to leave it to the next generation.

I think, you know, as a good parent, you know, you want to make sure that your kids are not struggling. But I just I hate this idea that Oh, no, I have that they have to go through it the super hard way because we're too stupid to teach them work ethic. That's just dumb. That's like a new parenting thing. That's a newfound thing. That's not something that's been in the days of yore.

That's a new thing. Tocqueville wrote about this when he was writing about the differences between why the American Revolution was so much more successful than the French Revolution. And this was some time after the French Revolution when he went on the tour at this tour of America. And he was writing about how in America, they don't have this mindset of protecting wealth. In fact, economically, we I mean, we get the death tax and all of this, whereas in Europe, they go above and beyond to make sure that they protect generational wealth in that. But he said, still, you know, you'll have families that were able to do that.

They came from nothing and are very successful. And they still make sure that their kids start out with something. But it's different. Because the work ethic that the parents have, the kids also have to prove themselves if they're going to be capable of taking the family farm over if they're going to be capable and going into a different business or going for a higher education or going for education at all, they have to prove themselves in some way capable. And that's more expected in the United States.

Tocqueville was writing than it is in Europe. And it's a culture. It doesn't have anything to do with money that's given to people. I have met people just in my line of work who grew up very wealthy. And they really had very comfortable lives, but their parents expected the world of them. And they had that work ethic driven in them. It's an approach of parenting. So I don't get this. Like I like Jeff Goldblum, but I just feel like that's a commie talking point sometimes, right?

I'm not saying he's a commie, but I feel like that's like a new narrative. And I just like roll my eyes when I hear it. I think it's natural to want to give your kids stuff. And then you want to resist that because you don't want them to be fully unprepared when they go out into the world. And I think that's kind of what he was trying to say.

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It's time for Dana's quick five. This is the craziest video. So this was in Seattle at Woodland Park Zoo. And there are all these parents that took their kids to the bear exhibit, right? And they were watching this bear behind some glass. And a whole family of ducks landed in the bear's water and began swimming in front of the bear. And the mama duck realized things were bad because the bear got in the water and began eating her ducklings one by one like chicken nuggets and then grabbed her and got her too. So ate the whole family of ducks, this poor mama duck.

And the kids are going, that's not nice. And I mean, people were in absolute horror that, I mean, this, oh my gosh. And the kids screamed, the adults screamed, people were crying. It was a mess.

And yeah, like he was there with those little duck nuggets or she, Juniper the bear. Man, nature's cruel. So a supercomputer predicts humans are going to face a triple whammy extinction event.

And what, how much you want to bet that it has to do with some stupid programmable stuff about climate change? You, did you get, you guessed it, that's it. So, uh, face eating is all the rage. Apparently now again on the Vegas strip, a 31 year old man accused of murder, uh, ate the victim's face at a bus stop.

So police showed up and the dude was just noshin' Colin Czech 31 was noshin' on this dude's face. He had the biological matter in his hair, mouth and all over his clothes. Was this the bath salts thing? I don't know, but he was literally, this is, I'm going to tell you, he was noshin' on an ear and an eyeball. He took a bite of an eyeball as police approached him. But wasn't it four years ago when we saw a face eating story?

I was in Florida, bath salts. Paramedics took this, dashed the severely injured victim to the local hospital, but he didn't make it. He had a, he was missing his eye, his ear. I mean, it was just horrific. And so this guy's, he used his teeth and hands. That's horrific.

That is absolutely horrific. Wood chipper. Wood chipper. That's it. Oh, uh, let's see this. Oh, Yolo County. Oh, what kind of stuff did they get up to in Yolo County?

Let's go see. Oh, well, you know, there's a whole party that happened. They, uh, pulled over a stolen vehicle where they got over 70 grams of meth, hundreds of counterfeit pills, goats and chickens. All in this stolen Mazda pickup truck out of Seattle. I don't know, but they, so the animals, y'all worry about the goats and chickens. They're okay.

Uh, the driver is, he's in jail for a bunch of charges. But yeah, Yolo, Yolo County, you know, makes sense. I'm glad the story lived up to the name. And the, wow, wow. This is New York Post.

I, man, karma. The missing emergency slide that fell off a Delta flight that was, it was found, washed up in front of a house of the lawyer whose firm is suing Boeing. Yeah, you heard that right. The slide that fell off, you know, the inflatable slide that comes down that, uh, fell off this Delta flight that was leaving JFK on Friday. Two days later, it washed up literally in front of the beach side home of the lawyer whose firm is suing Boeing over safety issues.

Jake links, the New York attorney. It literally like the Lord said, here, here you go. God delivered the evidence. There you go right there. You need this.

I feel like you're going to need this. Oh my gosh. They said that there were, he said he looked outside his window and told the New York Post. It was sitting right there on the breakers. That's insane. Can you imagine? And they can't, I mean, he's going to have to bring up and he's bringing it up in court and it's, Oh man.

Now I said a little earlier, I was going to come back to this and I'm coming back to it. This is from our headlines. How in Florida, DeSantis is banning lab grown meat. Now, are you for or against banning lab grown meat?

Are you asking me directly? Um, well since we don't know anything about it, I'm about pausing lab grown meat until we can determine any sort of longterm effects from consuming lab grown meat. I don't understand why we just don't use real meat. Like it makes no sense to me.

I think it's weird and I think it's, I think it's freakish and I think it's weird and nasty and it's not. No, I want actual livestock. I don't want cultivate. It's a fake meat. And it's a smart move by the governor to do that because I guarantee that he's not a, he's a capitalist. He's not against capitalism.

So if you've turned out some sort of. Here's where I stand against that. Meat product.

That's great. Then good for you. I don't want him to ban meat. He's not banning meat. He's banning the lab grown meat. I don't want him to ban lab grown meat. That's not meat. I don't want him to ban it.

It's not meat. Not for the reasons that you think. No, I'm not even going to say that my position is one born of a more libertarian small government role.

Not that at all. This is interesting. I don't want to ban lab grown meat because I want the people who want to eat lab grown meat to eat lab grown meat so that when things go sideways, I don't have to deal with their asses anymore. You're playing 3d chess.

I'm not even, I'm playing regular checkers over here. I'm fine with it. Like, go ahead and let them have that more lab grown meat for you.

Nom, nom, nom. Here's your lab grown burger. Delish. Right? Let them eat it. Have another. Have another. Yeah.

Encourage them. I'm fine with it. It's like a self-cleaning oven.

Let it do its thing. Be like Bubba Gump shrimp only with lab grown meat. Yeah. Oh, lab grown shrimp. There's another thing. Give them all the lab grown stuff.

They love that. Yeah. Look at it, people. Here's your lab grown proteins. I'm just going to stay over here with my basic livestock, but that's OK. You can have and make it bougie for them. Right. It's like it's like put an put an accent or something over the E in meat and they'll think it's fancy.

So these people are like, oh, it's lab grown meat or something like that, you know, just add an extra E on it with an accent. And they'll they'll go to town. Let them eat it up. I am fine with that. Let if people want to do stupid stuff to themselves, like when you have progressives that are like, I'm just going to I'm going to sterilize myself for climate change. Why would you stop them? Yes, you're right. You should. More people who think like you should not exist. That's correct. Save some of the good air for the rest of us.

Encourage them in these things. What did Sun Tzu you think I'm joking? What did Sun Tzu say? Well, actually, it's not really Sun Tzu, but never, never kill your opponent when he's murdered. Never murder your opponent when he's killing himself. You don't have to do anything. Just sit back and go. Yes. Well, let me let me aid you. Right.

Progressives, they pushed euthanasia. Let them do it. Is that mean? Am I mean? Because I just feel like I'm being practical and very logical. No, I think you're being very strategic, practical. To me, I was just like, no, meet lab, meet bad. And I was just very caveman about it.

You, on the other hand, were very cerebral. And I think. Well, I understand it because you immediately you're smart to have that reaction. Well, it's just natural. It's it's thousands of years, if you believe, you know, modern science's timeline.

It's thousands of years of investment into trial and error that have given you that very expensive reaction. Exactly. That cost a lot of lives. So don't downplay it. You're right.

It's ingrained in my DNA. So it's a very expensive response. Yeah, I agree with that. So I just I mean, I'm not being mean to them. I'm saying give them what they want.

It's like a Darwin 2.0 thing. And they can't get mad at you for giving them. What are they going to get?

She wants me to eat the lab grown meat that I want to eat. Wait. Yeah, give them what they want. Then they can't get mad at you for letting them have it. And then guess what? Then they'll peter themselves out. And then you don't have to worry about it anymore. It can be frat boy summer every summer. I'm just saying, liking it. Just saying. Thanks for tuning in to today's edition of Dana Lash's Absurd Truth podcast. If you haven't already, make sure to hit that subscribe button on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.